One Heart
by Dragoness
Summary: If you liked my other giant fics, hopefully, you'll like this one too...Ash finds himself tormented by strange dreams and searches for a way to end them.
1. The Nightmare Begins

Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
"The Nightmare Begins"

_No…Not again…_

My eyes snapped open. I became painfully aware of the chill of the night contrasting to the warmth of my sleeping bag. The woods were cast over with shadows hardly diminished by the pale light of the moon, half-hidden with dismal clouds…

I sat up slowly, shivering…not just from the cold…

_A whole week…Why won't these dreams go away…?_

Everyone else was sleeping soundly……Of course they were…They weren't the ones having these nightmares……I looked away from them and down at myself……Those…dreams……They'd seemed so real……but they also scared me…scared me bad enough to wake me up in the middle of the night for the past week…every night too……

I thought about lying back down and falling asleep again……I did think about it……Instead, I sat there for about half an hour, trying to erase what I had just woken up from from my mind……then when I couldn't, I got up and walked around the campsite, trying to cool my nerves…I thought about starting up a fire and making myself some breakfast, but no sooner than I had thought of it, I was completely sickened by the idea…The dreams that I'd had that night…They were so much worse than the ones that had come before…even…

What had happened in those dreams…They were impossible!…They were impossible……They………They had to be……

I sat alone in the cold for a long time, doing nothing but trying to forget the nightmare that I'd woken up from…It took hours for the sun to start to rise, and then even more before the others began to stir…

Brock was up first, then Pikachu, then Misty, and then she woke up Togetic. By then, Brock had breakfast ready and was already serving it out…He handed some to me first…

…Usually, it's very, very hard to kill my appetite……In fact, I don't think it's been done before……before I had that dream that is……What happened in that dream……after that…I couldn't even think about food without getting a sickening feeling deep inside of me…Having Brock stick some right under my nose was more than I could stand.

It looked disgusting. It smelled disgusting. To taste it…No, I couldn't let myself do that…I couldn't stand having it so close to me…I shoved it back at Brock.

"Sorry…" I said, trying to keep the repulsion that I felt from being voiced, "I'm not hungry…"

Of course, that was when my stomach decided to voice its own opinion…

I didn't move…I could feel them staring at me, but I had to let them know that for once, me and my stomach were disagreeing with each other…

"Are you…sure?" Brock asked finally.

"…Yes."

An indignant rumble sounded…Then there was silence again as they continued to stare at me.

"Uh…You sure you're sure?" Misty asked.

"Yeah! I'm sure!" I said hotly, finally glaring back at them.

"Um…Okay…" Misty said hesitantly, "Just asking…"

"Well you don't need to ask twice!"

Again, my stomach growled…

I growled back.

"…Hey, Ash…" Brock said slowly, "Are you feeling okay…?"

"Of course I am!"

"…You sure?" he asked doubtfully.

"Stop asking me that!!"

Misty set her food down, then stood up and walked over to me.

"What…What are you doing?"

"Hold still," she said, then placed her hand on my forehead.

"Hey!!"

She didn't say or do anything for a second or two, then took her hand off.

"No, I don't _think_ he has a fever…" she said reflectively.

"Wha…I'm not sick!!"

She shrugged, sat down again and continued to eat. Brock watched her for a second, then turned to me.

"I dunno, Ash…This…isn't like you…"

"What's that supposed to mean!?" I demanded.

"It's not like this is something new either…" Misty commented while stuffing a biscuit in her mouth, "You've been acting pretty strange all week…"

"What…!?" I cried.

_Is that true…? I didn't think I was being so obvious about it…_

Brock nodded. "You're going to bed late, waking up early…You're also a lot touchier than usual…Even a rare Pokémon encounter won't excite you…And now you won't eat? You've gotta admit that _something's_ different…and it's probably not a good thing either…"

_So they knew this all along and they never said anything about it!? Did they think one day I would just wake up and be okay again…!? Well, that's just too bad…because it doesn't look like it's ever going to end up that way……Definitely not at this rate……_

I stood up crossly.

"Is that so?" I asked through gritted teeth, "Well, I'll tell you what. I don't have to put up with this anymore, got it?"

I walked over to retrieve my backpack. Everyone stared as I did.

"Ash, what are you-?" Misty began.

"I'm going back…"

"Going back where?"

"I'm going home, okay!? I'm sick of this. This is stupid. It was a stupid idea to come out here in the first place. I'm ending it all right now…"

"But…Ash……It was _your_ idea…" Misty informed me.

"Okay, then I'm stupid too…"

…They continued to stare at me.

"……And yeah, I _do_ mean that!" I yelled finally.

With that, I began walking back in the direction that we'd come from at as fast a pace I could keep and still be walking.

"A-Ash! Wait!" I heard Misty call after me.

"Pikapika!!"  
_'Come back!!'_

I ignored them…I was tired of everything…I was tired of this traveling business. I was tired of those nightmares I was having. And I was tired of being tired of everything. The sooner I got home…The sooner I got home, the sooner I could finally rest…I felt like I hadn't slept at all all week, but I knew that I had, and that was what was making me so tired. I only hoped that coming home again would end the dreams…the dreams that I loathed……

It took a little while before Misty, Pikachu and Togetic caught up with me, and longer before Brock did. I guess they let him pick up the whole camp while they tried to slow me down…

Well, I didn't slow down…I didn't even bother listening to them while they talked endlessly about nothing…I think they wanted to know what was going on and why I was acting the way I was…Of course I didn't answer. What could I have said even if I did? The truth? No, those nighttime dreams are pointless things. They never come true, and they fill you with false feelings……but…my dreams wouldn't leave after night, and I kept those false feelings with me all night and day…Didn't I have good reason to be a little…touchy?

I went all day without speaking a word to anyone, not even Pikachu…I didn't eat or stop to rest either…I didn't want to. I had to get home. I hadn't had any of those nightmares while I was at home…Maybe they would stop once I got there…At the very least, at least I would wake up someplace familiar and comforting…

…What I had said to the others…about it being a stupid idea to come out here in the first place……I wasn't lying when I said that. I'd left on a whim, with no reason and nothing to go by but my own desire to keep moving…After all, my only obligation was to get back in time for the annual Pokémon tournament…and even then, it wasn't like I had anything to do at the tournament. The chance of anyone getting past the Elite Four was slim to zero…but it would look bad if I wasn't at the tournament, so I had to go anyway…

Well, that was why I decided to start traveling again…I just didn't have anything else to do…One of few possible training partners was Gary Oak…and after losing to me the first few times, he said he wanted to do some training alone out in the wild before challenging me again…Everyone else I could have trained with were traveling and training all over the world too, so I figured it was do the same or just stay in Pallet for a year…I did what seemed like the right thing at the time…With those dreams though…how could I possibly concentrate on training when I couldn't even…eat, or talk…or anything?

I'd left them behind by nightfall, probably because they'd actually stopped to eat and rest a few times. I didn't want to stop. I couldn't stop……That's what I wanted at least……but by the end of the day, I knew that I didn't have a choice.

I came to a fairly clear spot on the path and turned around. They were nowhere in sight.

_I guess I'll have to wait for them then…?_

I looked around again…I hadn't realized until then just how tired I'd made myself. I sat down at the foot of a big tree and waited. My stomach had long since stopped complaining about its hunger. Instead, I felt as if it had been replaced by a dull, yet strong, full feeling of painful emptiness. It wasn't a new feeling for me. I had gone for days at a time without food during some of my earlier journeys, but that had always been because I didn't have any other choice…Nevertheless, I still couldn't fathom the idea of eating anything right then and there…

It didn't take very long for Misty, Brock, Pikachu and Togetic to catch up with me, although it seemed like forever…They seemed very surprised to see me just sitting there.

"…Ash?" Misty asked.

"Who else would I be?" I replied degradingly.

"…Just asking…" she muttered.

"…You doing alright, Ash?" Brock said.

"…Just fine……"

Togetic yawned sleepily from its perch on Misty's shoulder…It may have evolved, but it was still too young to be keeping up the pace that they'd probably kept.

"…You guys should go to sleep. You look beat."

"Huh…?" Misty began, but Togetic nodded and leaned against her.

I didn't feel the need to say anything and just let her figure it out for herself.

"Well, yeah," Brock said, "You had us going a lot faster than we usually go…but at least you picked a really nice spot to set up camp…Come on, let's get to work…"

Misty waited until Brock started getting busy before moving.

"Aren't you going to help?" she asked.

"No…I don't need the camp, so I won't get in your way…"

"What are you talking about? Aren't you going to sleep?"

"……Don't worry about me…Just go ahead, okay?"

"You're not gonna sleep?"

"…It doesn't matter."

"…Does that mean no? Answer me, Ash…"

"………Yeah……Yeah, it means no. I'm not going to go to sleep, okay? Just leave me alone…okay?"

"…Ummm…I guess……Don't push yourself too hard……"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"…It means exactly what you think it does…"

She went to go help Brock. I wasn't sure what to make of what she'd just said, so I ignored it. That was easy, considering what other things I had on my mind…

They finished quickly and went to sleep. I didn't move from my selected spot. I had already decided that I would just sit there until morning came and under no circumstances would I fall asleep…but it wasn't easy. I was exhausted from both the walk that day and the little restless sleep that I'd been having all week…My stomach was numb from hunger, not forceful enough to keep me awake all night…I tried to fight off the sleep and the darkness and the dreams…but it came to me anyway…and then the nightmares resumed…


	2. Broken

Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
"Broken"

_A memory is a reflection of what once was and never will be again. A dream is nothing but a memory of what never was and never will be. These dreams…They're nothing but false memories of what never was…There's no point to them…So why can't I forget them?…And why are they so painful……? Why do I feel as if I'm actually living through it all…and that what's happening in reality…isn't nearly as strong as these dreams…Is it even worth it to go on? What use is reality when I'm trapped in a world of dreams…?_

***

_I'm losing myself…I…must be……But how can that be…? These dreams are…just dreams…_

_…No…They can't be…If that's what they were, then they wouldn't be so real…and they are real…but…_

I shut my eyes and the memories came back…Dreams…Memories…I couldn't tell them apart anymore…and it didn't matter, because they both felt so much like reality……

"Hey Ash!" Misty greeted me, "Good morning!" She suppressed a giggle.

I opened one eye and saw her grinning down at me.

_What is she doing awake…?_

"Feeling better?" she asked.

"…No……and what are you doing up anyway…?"

"…Ash, it's almost one o'clock…"

That woke me up.

"What?"

She nodded and smiled. "Brock and I didn't want to wake you up…You were sleeping like a baby."

I looked away and closed my eyes again. "…You should have…"

I heard her sit down next to me. "Why?"

I didn't answer…If I told her, she would just keep pestering me, and I knew already that I wouldn't be able to answer her questions…It was best to just stop them from coming…

"…Ash? Did you hear me…?"

Memories of dreams that took place in the reality that never was…They came to me as strong as if I was living through it all once again…

"…Ash!? Are you okay?"

"Pikapi…!"

_These dreams are going to end up taking over my life…if they haven't already……And then what? What's going to happen to me after that…? Am I going to end up like……_

"_Ash_!"

She grabbed me shoulder and shook me hard until I finally remembered where I was…

I blinked and saw Pikachu staring up at me in worry.

_Is this how it's going to be…?_

"……Ash…?" Misty said quietly.

I blinked a couple more times then did my best to pull myself together.

"I'm…I'm okay…" I said softly, "…Sorry about that…"

I put my hand on Misty's shoulder to help push myself up, then used the tree to support myself once I was on my feet. After making sure that I was fine, she stood up too.

"…Are you sure you're okay…?" she asked.

I nodded. As long as I could convince her that I was, she would leave me alone, and what I wanted most was some time to think about everything…I wanted to try to figure out what was going on before I tried to explain it to them…

"…Do you…want something to eat…?"

I grimaced at the thought…

_No…You've gotta keep pretending…If you want her to believe that you're okay…you've gotta eat something…_

"…Okay…" I whispered.

I sat down next to the long dead campfire and waited patiently as Brock handed me some cold breakfast. I ate it slowly, and not just because I didn't really want to be eating it at all, but also because I couldn't help but wonder how long these nightmares would continue to haunt me…and how long would I have to keep pretending that they weren't…

I swallowed the last of my breakfast and sighed.

_…It looks like this is how it's going to be…_

***

_Night number………Who keeps track of that kind of thing anyway…?_

_…It's night number ten…_

I was shivering…scared……I stared up at the clear, bright moon…A single tree branch cut through it…ruining the otherwise perfect circle…I closed my eyes.

_That's kind of like me, isn't it?…I don't know how much longer I can go on like this…It might be easier to just…end it all……_

I opened my eyes again and found myself fixated on the bright, broken moon…The light made the shadow of the branch look darker than black…

_Why can't I just end it now…?_

I blinked. The moon and the tree branch were still there, forever crossing paths…

_Nothing is forever…_

I sat up suddenly. I gasped softly when I realized that my eyes were wet…I took a deep breath to calm myself, but I was still shaking. I ignored it and grabbed my backpack, then stood up. I hoped that I would have the strength to…

I looked up again. The moon still had that scar running through it…

I put my backpack on, then turned to the tree itself. I walked up to it, then grabbed the trunk and pulled myself up until I could climb onto that first branch…It was pretty strong…could carry my weight easily…I carefully edged myself out farther and farther until I was within arm's reach of the end. Slowly, I took my backpack off, making sure I kept one hand clutching the branch at all times. When it was off, I reached out and quickly looped one of the straps over the tip so the branch was going through it. I pulled it along with me as I started scooting back. I had to stop a few times to manuever my backpack around the smaller branches sticking out of the larger one, but it wasn't too difficult. When I was almost back to the trunk I stopped.

_What am I doing…?_

I stared down at the ground…It wasn't a very long drop from here. Taller than me, but still, the worst that could happen if I fell was a twisted ankle or something……but I didn't have to worry about falling.

I gripped the strap that wasn't hooked on the branch tightly.

_After this…After this it'll all be over…No more nightmares…No more pretending…And best of all…after this, I won't be able to lose anymore of me…_

I'd figured it out……I figured out what those nightmares were doing to me…Those realities were killing my self…slowly…and far too painfully…I wanted to die as me…not as…nothing…I was going to make sure that I would…

_It…won't hurt much…if at all…and even if it does, it won't last very long……not like the dreams…which last forever……_

I looked up at the moon one last time…then I ducked my head down so I could loop my backpack strap around my neck…After that, I didn't have much space to move around…I had to lie down so my face was right up against the bark…

_All I have to do is make sure that the strap's secure, and then…_

I moved slightly so I could see over the edge to the ground below…

_…and then I won't have to worry about anything ever again…No more dreams…No more memories…No more realities……Just………_

I clutched that branch for…I don't even know how long…I wasn't sure what I was trying to do anymore…

_…Just what…? Heaven? Hell?…Or maybe it's just…nothingness……_

I shut my eyes, not wanting to think what I was thinking anymore. I didn't want to think anymore…but I couldn't move…and I couldn't stop…

_What if it's just a void? Full of nothing but…Nothing would be an improvement from now, but…what if it's just one big………dream…memory…reality……What if it's nothing but those three things? Then what?…Does that mean that I'll have to be stuck in this pain…forever…?_

I was cold…freezing…I was trembling so badly I could hear my breath quavering and my teeth chattering. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and hitting the tree branch…

_I don't want…I don't want that to happen……I…I don't want to be trapped…like this……If I…If I fall now……then there's no turning back…and then……_

_…I'm scared……_

I held onto the tree branch as tightly as I could, because all of a sudden, I didn't want to fall anymore…but I couldn't stop shaking…

_I have to get down…The longer I stay up here, the more likely I am to fall……_

I tried to get myself to move, so I could take the strap off and start climbing down, but I felt like I was paralyzed…

_Come on…You have to…do this……_

It took all the willpower I had to let go of the branch with one hand, and then the shaking got even worse. I lifted my hand up to take off the strap, otherwise, if I slipped, I wouldn't have to worry about hitting the ground…My breath caught in my throat and I saw the night flash past me. I screamed instinctively and tried to grab the branch before it was too late. I felt the tips of my fingers slide down the bark just as the strap snapped up against my chin and the world flashed black.

Next thing I knew, the tree branch and the moon were crossing paths above me once again…I could tell that my lower body was in a lot of pain, but what I noticed more was how my neck and jaw felt as if they were burned, and my head ached like someone had cracked it open with a boulder. I wasn't sure where I was…I thought I heard someone say "Pikapi", but I couldn't be sure……I heard other exclamations from Misty and Brock before a soft hand rolled me over by the shoulder and I could make out Misty's worried face looking down at me.

"Are you okay…?" she whispered.

I closed my eyes…I couldn't look at her and keep a straight face…

_No…This is bad…They shouldn't see me like this…They don't need to know…They _shouldn't_ know about this…They can't…_

"…Ash?"

I heard Brock's stronger voice to my right say, "Ash, tell us what happened…"

I could barely find my voice, but somehow I managed to whisper a no…If they could hear me was another story…

I felt Misty gently lift my head up and cradled me gently.

"Tell us what happened…" she asked quietly.

"Pikachu…!"  
_'Please!'_

I looked at her again…then over at Pikachu…They seemed genuinely concerned…I didn't want them to be…I didn't want them to be worried over something stupid…like me…

"Nothing…" I said, looking away.

I noticed that Brock was standing up…He was looking…up…at……

_My backpack's still up there!_

He returned my gaze, and I could tell that he could see the fear in me…He remained seemingly emotionless as he looked back up at the branch.

"…Did you put your backpack up there…" he asked, "and then fall off the branch…?"

I didn't answer him…I couldn't answer him…

"…Are you hurt?"

_Stop asking me these things…_

I'd started shaking again…It wasn't half as bad as I had on the tree branch, but it was noticeable…

"…Misty?" Brock asked.

"Um…" She gingerly touched my neck with her fingertips, causing me to wince. "…Yeah…" she answered.

No one said anything for a while, and I knew Brock was thinking hard about this…He probably didn't like what he was finding out…

"……Ash……" he said finally.

That was it…I knew that he knew. He didn't even have to finish his sentence.

The shaking got worse…I felt tears start to come out and there wasn't anything I could do to stop the strained sobbing that came with them…

"Brock, what…?" Misty began in wonder.

"I'll tell you later."

I heard him walk over to the tree, probably to retrieve my backpack…He paused for a second behind Misty.

"For now, let's just say that this wasn't an accident…" he whispered to her…I don't think I was supposed to hear him, but I did.

Misty's grip on me grew tighter as Brock walked away again.

"Hey, Ash…" he called, "Try to get some rest okay? It's been a rough night."

_Rest isn't what I need right now, and it's been more than just this night that's been rough…_

"Come on, let's get some sleep," Misty whispered.

I nodded and let her help me get back to my sleeping bag so I could go to sleep.


	3. Bitter Sweet

Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
"Bitter Sweet"

Nothing was the same after that night. Brock and Misty…even Pikachu and Togetic…began treating me as if……For me, it felt like they were frightened of me…or rather…what I might have done…and…might do…They never let me out of their sight…I always had to walk in front of or next to them. They made sure that I was the first one asleep, and there was usually someone halfway awake if I ever woke in the middle of the night. All of us were silent for the first few days after…Only Misty and Brock ever said anything, and that was only when they had to. I never said anything to them, and they never tried talking to me. I preferred it that way, but I could tell that they were getting very uncomfortable.

The dreams never stopped either. It didn't take me too long to stop worrying about the others. Sometimes I even forgot where I was…While we were walking…I just…It was like the trees and the path and my friends…It was like they weren't even there…My memories were that strong……Memories…Dreams…I'm still not sure what to call them…They feel so much alike…and they feel even more powerful than reality itself. But still, I couldn't call it a reality…Not quite…Rather than living in that reality…I felt like I was watching from…inside…I was still me…but I was a different me…This other me…While I was watching myself…I could see…I could feel…I could watch myself…slowly…painfully…fading away…I was watching myself die…And then when I woke up…I had to watch the same thing…over and over again…and sooner or later…it became hard to distinguish between me and the other me…I wasn't sure how much of myself was left…

My only comfort was the knowledge that we were getting closer to home every day, and that once there, maybe I'd have a chance at getting things back to normal…I could only hope…

***

_Why…?_

Another cold night…So cold and unforgiving…Or maybe it was just me…

I shivered in the warmth of my sleeping bag…It must have just been me…Not a night had gone by when I hadn't woken up with a chill…and to think that it was supposed to be springtime…

I curled myself up as best I could within the limits of my sleeping bag and concentrated on falling back asleep…It was to no avail of course…I lay there, shivering…and wondered how long it would be before sunrise…I knew there was no point in getting up. Brock or Misty or Pikachu would just try to get me back to sleep…I knew why too. They didn't trust me anymore…especially not by myself…in the night…They were scared…

In all honesty, I probably would've felt the same way if I had been in their place…It was hard to imagine why anyone would want to take their own lives…for nothing……And yet…I had almost done just that……

_Why…_

I was shaking again…I'd almost gotten used to it, it happened so much…I just let it go and waited for the inevitable follow-up…tears…

I heard a quiet shuffling over my almost inaudible sniffling. There was a soft crackle as a foot stepped over dry grass as the owner came closer to me. I kept crying and shivering, not bothering to turn around and see who it was. I felt a hand touch me on the shoulder. Just from the touch, I could tell who it was…

"Ash…?" Brock whispered as quietly as he could, "Are…Are you…crying…?"

I didn't bother to answer him and instead just curled up more, tucking my head so my face was inside of my sleeping bag. I could feel that it was warmer inside, but…warmth…still refused to go past my skin, leaving me still so bitterly cold on the inside.

"…Ash?"

_Just leave me alone, Brock…_

His breathing grew tenser. "…Ash…don't…Don't forget…We're right here for you if you ever need to talk…about anything…"

_Thanks, but no thanks…_

I shifted myself so my whole body was wrapped in my sleeping bag and hoped he would get the message. I think he did. I heard him sigh and start to move back.

"…Have it your way, Ash…but…I'm leaving that offer for you to use anytime you feel like it…"

_I can't use that offer, Brock…You don't understand…I can't talk to you about this…because…because how could you, or anyone, ever understand…? They're…At night…all you have are dreams…and most of the time you don't even remember what they were about…I know how it is…I used to be like that…but now…? Now I'd give anything to be like you…to be able to…_sleep_ at night…not be…not be forced to be…slowly…painfully…so slowly picked apart and destroyed until there's absolutely nothing left at all…Would you understand what it's like to lose yourself, Brock? Would you? Really?…Because if I'm right, and you can't…then there's nothing that talking to you will do to help…I'm sorry, but that's the way it is…_

"…Goodnight Ash…Sweet dreams…"

I covered my mouth to try to stop the pained sound that escaped me. The shaking, which had been nothing more than present before, became very distinct…

_It's…gonna be a long night…Thanks a lot, Brock……_

***

I didn't even acknowledge his presence the next day. I knew…it wasn't right to blame him for my dreams, but I needed so desperately someone else to share the burden, and he had…offered himself, after all…Even if he had no idea what I had placed on him, it didn't matter…I needed something to make me feel better, and this false comfort was all that was available to me…so I took it and pretended that it was real. I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't anymore, so what was the difference?

_The difference is that what happens in your dreams…No…They're more real than reality…They…They sure seem that way…The difference is that…What happens in my 'dreams' stays with me both night and day…What happens in 'reality' is only real as long as I'm awake…_

I was crying as we were getting ready to hit the trail again. I didn't try to hide it or even care about it. It had become one of those normal facts of life, not something that could be helped or prevented. I didn't care if anyone else noticed or cared. It wouldn't do anyone any good whether they knew or not.

"Are you okay?" Misty's soft voice broke through my thoughts.

I shrugged. If she couldn't tell for herself, there wasn't any point in answering her.

She was quiet for a moment as we started walking. Brock hung to the back. I think he could tell that I wanted nothing to do with him.

"…Ash, you know, if something's bothering you…you can tell us…"

_Tell you…?_

I looked at her. She was keeping stride with me and looked back with honest concern. I looked back at the ground.

"…I can't tell you…" I muttered so quietly that I could barely hear it.

"…Why not?"

"Why not…?" I echoed, talking mostly to myself.

I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the flashes of reality that rushed at me as I did so.

_I can't tell you because……because you wouldn't understand…because what's going on…inside of me……It's not something that…anyone…can understand…I don't even understand it, but I have to put up with it…every day…every night…and every other time in between. I can't tell you because…because what's there to tell if it's all just a bunch of…'dreams'… 'Dreams' that have no significance whatsoever in the 'real' world…If I told you about them…If I was completely honest with you…What would you see me as? A hopeless fool lost in a world full of nothing…'Dreams' have no basis on 'reality', right? If I told you what these 'dreams' are doing to me……_

_I'd be considered…crazy…wouldn't I?_

_Maybe I am……_

"…Ash…?"

"Don't worry about it," I whispered and quickened my pace. The sooner we got home…the sooner, the better…

She didn't try to match my pace anymore…but I thought I heard her whisper back…"I can't…"

***

Again…Dream again…There's nothing else you can do but just…accept it…

_I've gotta stop talking to myself like that…_

I rolled over. Now that I was awake, I didn't want to go back asleep again…I wished I didn't have to worry about that anymore…but no one would let me…

I blinked. Misty was lying awake in her own sleeping bag, lying face up with her head resting on her pillow and laced hands. She looked like she was just staring up at the stars…I didn't make any more noises to let her know I was awake, but I had already made enough.

"…Ash…Are you awake…?" she asked without looking over at me.

I didn't want to answer at first…I didn't want to talk to her or anyone…but something made me say, "…Yeah…"

She seemed to nod and rolled over so she was facing me and supported her head with one hand and let the other one lay loosely by her side.

"…Did you have a nice rest…?" she whispered.

I felt my heart freeze at that question…If my rest was going to be anything, nice would be my last choice for a description. I closed my eyes and turned my head towards the ground.

"…Ash…"

I looked back at her, wondering what else she wanted to say to me.

"…You know…" She sighed. "No matter what……You know I love you…don't you…?"

I continued to look at her, now feeling a mixture of guilt and bitterness…It wasn't the first time that she had told me this…Back then, it had felt me feeling giddy with happiness…Awkward at first, but then gradually growing more comfortable, we had…well, we became a…couple…Technically, we still were, but ever since those dreams had started up……I'd almost forgotten about it all…

Now those words just didn't have the same impact as before…It didn't leave me with any comfort whatsoever…After all…those words were from…'reality'…Reality……Reality is nothing after all…Isn't it…?

"…Ash…" she said again, almost pleadingly, "Please tell me you…heard me? Say something…"

I moved inside my sleeping bag, trying to draw it up closer around me. I felt cold…so cold…Togetic sometimes commented on how the warmth of spring was making the forest look so pretty, but I couldn't see or feel either of those phenomena…Warm? Pretty? I couldn't remember the last time I had been able to classify something as one of those things.

"I'm…sorry…" I said quietly, shutting my eyes.

"Ash…!?"

One shiver began a trembling that refused to leave. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, or at the very least look like I was…I don't think it worked. I heard Misty throw off her blanket and crawl over to me. I opened my eyes and stared up at her, still unable to control my shaking. She knelt over me almost protectively, her face showing no emotions but worry and a shade of sadness. Neither of us spoke. After a moment of silence, she reached out with one hand and brushed my short, unruly hair out of my face. I hadn't even noticed that it was in my face to begin with, but I had to appreciate the gesture.

"…Don't be sorry," she whispered, "…You didn't do anything wrong…"

She continued to stroke my hair without saying anything. She stared in my direction, her face lined with worry. I noticed that she wasn't really looking _at_ me, but was instead simply staring…thinking her own thoughts.

I didn't say anything to disturb her. Instead, I let myself begin to relax under her touch. The shaking eventually lessened until it was nothing more than a slight shivering. I closed my eyes…For a moment, I almost believed that if I slept then, my sleep would be dreamless…

She stopped after what seemed to be much too short of a time. As I had just begun to realize that, she leaned down and kissed me on the cheek.

"Goodnight…" she whispered.

As I watched wide-eyed, she turned around and crawled back into her sleeping bag, then pulled the cover up over herself.

"…M…Misty…?"

She looked over at me.

"…I love you too…"

She just smiled and rested her head on her pillow. I watched her as she began to drift off to sleep, with innocent dreams that I could never have…and I felt the shaking return…


	4. Game Of Cat And Mouse

Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
"Game Of Cat And Mouse"

I couldn't fall asleep for the rest of that night. It was strange, because ever since the dreams had started up, falling asleep had been something that I had been trying to minimize, but it always came anyway. For it to refuse to come to me was very strange indeed…Of course…the dreams still left their mark in the night and the following day…

She took my hand when we started walking that day…something I guess I hadn't really let her do for the past…what? Twelve days I think…

She gave my hand a little squeeze for comfort I guess. It was nice of her…Recently, my dreams had been stranger than ever and no less disturbing.

We walked in silence for a time. Her hand was comfortably warm to the touch. I wondered if to her, my hand felt as cold as hers felt warm. There wasn't any way I could know except to ask her, which wasn't something I felt like doing.

"…Ash…" she whispered finally, looking ahead at the path instead of at me, "…I…I know…something must be terribly wrong…or else you wouldn't be acting this way…"

She turned and looked into my eyes. Hers were moist with possible tears.

"I wish you would tell us what it is…" she said, even softer than before.

I turned away then, and looked instead at the ground. There at my side, Pikachu was walking, and he stared up at me with the same look that Misty had given me. I didn't want to see either of them like that, so I closed my eyes.

"…Ash…?"

I broke out of her grasp and crossed my arms close to me, still without opening my eyes, trying to warm myself of the sudden chill that had hit me.

There was a brief, pained silence from Misty and the others. When she spoke again, I could hear the hurt in her whisper.

"Ash, you know we can't help you if you don't tell us what's wrong…"

"There's nothing to be helped," I whispered back. Even I was surprised by how my teeth chattered when I talked…I felt so cold…

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, no longer whispering or keeping it confidential.

"…I mean what I said…" I said, even quieter than before.

"Ash, quit lying to us! Something's wrong. Something is _obviously_ wrong, and I'm getting really sick of seeing you like this and not being able to do a thing about it! Now out with it, Mr. Ketchum!"

I couldn't believe how in the broad daylight of what really _looked_ like a nice spring day, it could still feel like ten degrees below zero in the middle of winter…and here I was, with just short sleeved jacket over a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Needless to say, I found myself shaking again…

"I'm cold…"

Her change of tone was remarkable. She went from scolding to concerned in just a few seconds.

"Are you alright? Are you sick…?"

"I don't know…"

_Probably…In more ways than one, too…_

"…Maybe…" I corrected myself with a sigh.

"Yeah, you don't look so good," Brock added, finally seeing an opportunity to jump in, I guess, "You wanna stop and rest for a while?"

"No," I said quickly. Maybe too quickly. When I looked over at the two of them, they seemed a little doubtful. "…I'll be okay. I…I just want to get home as soon as we can…Okay?"

"If you say so, Ash…" Misty said, "but you really don't look that great."

"I'm fine," I replied, willing the shaking to stop and failing miserably at it.

For some reason, I don't think I was very convincing.

I felt a hand on my arm. Not too surprisingly, when I looked, I saw it was Misty's.

"Why won't you just tell us what's wrong?" she asked gently, "We just want to help…"

"Nothing to be helped," I mumbled.

"…Are you sure?"

I nodded.

_Of course I'm sure. What's there not to be sure about? I can't tell them…Even if I did, there wouldn't be anything they could do about it…Nothing…_

_I mean, that's a good reason not to tell them, isn't it? Because they wouldn't understand…not because…because I'm worried that…because of that…then what? They'll think I've gone crazy…Doesn't matter if I have or not…I…don't want them to think that…but…but that's not the reason…The reason is…because they can't help me…so there's no point in telling them anything if it'll only make things worse…_

_…That's the reason…It's been the reason all along……_

Day…Night…There's no difference between them anymore…'Dreams' ate me up at night. 'Reality' tried to take me in the day…and I was stuck in between with nowhere to go…

"You want a blanket or something?" Brock asked.

"Uh……Sure…" I replied slowly, kinda surprised at his offer.

He dug one out of his pack and handed it to Misty, who draped it over my shoulders.

"Thanks…" I told them.

"Hey, that's what we're here for," Misty said with a smile.

I tried to smile back and wrapped it tighter around myself. As with everything else, I wasn't able to get much warmth out of it, but the shaking did stop a little. Maybe it was more because of where the blanket came from than the warmth of the blanket itself.

***

_No!…Nononono…noo…_

I woke up already shaking and crying. Whatever brief, smidget of peace the last few nights had given me was utterly destroyed by that night's dream. It was a 'dream' I never wanted to have…Probably never _should_ have had…

_…Anything…I'd do _anything_ to get rid of these dreams…_

Something…warm…I could feel something warm on my shoulder…

"Ash?…Are you alright?"

_Misty…_

Even her warmth couldn't penetrate the bitter chill I could feel deep inside of me. It felt like…nothing could…Like I was going to be cold…forever…

"…I'm scared…" I told her quietly, without even thinking about it…

She didn't say anthing at first. I guess I surprised her with that.

"…Scared…? Scared of what…?"

_Scared of what? I don't know…I'm just…I'm just scared…_

"Everything, I guess…"

"Everything?…Ash, you _can't_ be scared of everything…I know you better than that…"

_Maybe…Maybe you're right about that…_

"…Not everything then……Just one thing…"

"………What thing?"

_What thing…?_

"…I……I'm scared of………"

_Am I really…?_

_……Yes……_

"…me…"

"……Wh…at…?"

I just nodded.

"…Ash…"

She was quiet again. I felt her grip on my shoulder grow tenser.

"…How could you possibly be afraid…" she said finally, "…of yourself…?"

"I don't know…" I sighed, "…It's…really not that difficult……I mean…I……"

_Ash, what are you doing? Do you really want to tell her this?_

_…I don't know…I don't know anymore…I don't think…I know anything…_

"Ash?"

"…I don't know…" I finished.

"……Ash…You know, there's really nothing to be afraid of…I mean…I…Well, if you ask me, I don't think you're scary at all…"

"That's…That's not what I meant…" I found myself arguing through new tears.

_All of these tears…So many tears…and all for nothing…A waste…_

"I'm not scared of…me…myself…I'm…scared of…"

She stayed quiet, waiting for me to finish.

_What am I scared of then? If not everything, if not me…then…what?…The…the dreams?_

"Misty…" I whispered in an attempt to start over, "We've done a lot, right?"

"…Yeah…" she said slowly.

"All the traveling, all the 'adventures', all the risks…all the sacrifices…Everything…Misty?…What…What was it all for? I…The Pokémon? The badges? The…the fame? The…glory of it all…? Was that it? I…I think I forgot…"

"…It…It was for all of those things, Ash," she said gently, "…All of those things…and more…You forgot the most important ones though. What about the friendships and the good times and all the fun that we had?"

"Fun…?"

"Yeah…It was a lot of fun……and…And if it wasn't for all of that…traveling and those adventures and risks and sacrifices…then I doubt that I'd still be here with you today…"

"…Why?"

"…Why…? Because…because if I never got a chance to get to know you, I probably would've left as soon as you paid me back for my bike."

_The bike…Of course…It all comes down to the bike…_

I had to admit, out of all the stupid things I'd ever done in my life, that was probably the one with the best outcome.

"…But you're still here…Why…?"

"A-Ash! You'd think you would already know! I'm still here because…well, because I love you…"

"You do, don't you……Why? Why should you? Why should anyone? No one should……No one…should…I…I'm not worth it, Misty…I'm not…Don't…I…"

I continued on with incoherent mumblings as I felt the shaking get a lot worse. Misty didn't help any by forcefully trying to get me to stop.

"Ash…Ash! Stop it! Please! Don't talk that way!" she shouted while also trying to stop me from shaking by pinning me down with both hands.

It worked to some degree. I did manage to shut up, but I was still trembling on the inside, and my vision was blurred by tears.

"…Guess you changed your mind about me being scary or not…?"

From what I could tell through my tears, she glared at me angrily after I said that.

"Ash, this isn't about that! I…I don't want to hear you talk about yourself like that! You have no reason to!"

"Why not…? Maybe you're not afraid of me at all. Maybe you're just scared of the truth…"

"It's not the truth I'm scared of, it's your lies!" she hissed.

"Misty, I'm not lying…"

"Yes you are!"

"Misty…"

"Please!…Just…stop…" she pleaded.

"You know it's the truth," I whispered, "It was all for nothing…Nothing…That's me, isn't it? Nothing? All of that hard work for nothing…We finally came out on top, Misty…or I did at least……Now there's nowhere to go but down back to the bottom…back to wherever I came from…where I belong…"

She frowned back her own tears and grabbed me roughly by the collar of my shirt and pulled me up to a sitting position. Even that didn't prepare me for what happened next. She slapped me across the face, _hard_. The red sting across my cheek brought out tears of a new kind, physical pain…

I didn't make any move to soothe my wound. In fact, if I hadn't been able to feel that sting for myself, it probably wouldn't have looked like I'd felt anything at all.

"Stop it, Ash," she said bitterly, "Another word like that out of your mouth and I'll make sure it hurts."

_You already did…_

She let me go and I slumped back but didn't let myself fall back onto my pillow. Misty sighed irritably.

"…You…You said you wanted to know what was wrong, didn't you?" I asked, surprised at how my voice was cracking too high. I still hadn't turned my head from where it ended up when she slapped me.

"……I did…" she answered quietly, "…but I was kinda hoping you would tell me the truth…"

"The truth……" I whispered to myself, "…The truth? You really wanna know the truth, Misty?"

"…Yes…"

I closed my eyes.

_The truth…You might as well get it out now. There's no point in hiding it anymore…She already thinks you're crazy…_

I whispered it as softly as I could and didn't open my eyes. "…I'm dying…"

"…What?…No you're not."

I nodded slowly, then looked her in the eyes. There was confusion in there. It didn't really look like I was dying I guess.

"Yeah I am," I said quietly, "Maybe you can't see it…but…I know I am…"

"You _can't_ be dying!" she started to argue, but I shushed her.

"Maybe I'm not dying on the outside, but on the inside, I don't know how much time I have left…Maybe it's some type of chronic illness or something, because I've been dying for the past twelve days and seen no signs of stopping…but…I know I'll stop sometime, because everyone has to die eventually…"

"Ash, don't…don't say those things…"

"…You asked me for the truth…"

I looked down at my cold, tremblings hands…so different from…

"Ash, listen to _me_. You're _not_ dying. In fact, you are very much _alive_…You have to be, or else you wouldn't be sitting here right now with me…"

_She just doesn't get it…_

_…Of course not. It's exactly what you were expecting, isn't it?_

_…Yeah……_

I frowned and formed my hand into a fist and then set it against my heart.

"Misty…look here…" I said.

"Huh…?"

"Just look."

"…O…kay…"

I didn't look up to see if she was looking, but I could tell that she was.

"Here…This is where my heart is, right?"

She nodded.

"……In here live two animals…A cat and a mouse…I'm the mouse."

She gave me a strange look but didn't say anything.

"The cat…The cat is black…as black as night…The mouse…I don't know what color the mouse is. It doesn't matter.

"The cat and the mouse live together in the mouse's little mouse hole home. The mouse…the mouse doesn't want the cat in there but…the mouse doesn't have a choice…Um…Because…Because the cat…the cat has the mouse trapped…umm…"

I swallowed and kept going.

"by keeping its tail wrapped around the mouse…all the time…night and day…tightly…"

I closed my eyes. I could almost feel that tail wrapped around me right then.

"And every night…_every night_…then the night cat…takes the little mouse…and…it…Every night…it…takes a tiny little bit of the mouse and eats it…but it never takes enough to kill the mouse…be…cause…"

I blinked.

_Why _doesn't_ the cat just kill the mouse…?_

"…I don't know why…but… the mouse has to put up with it…every night…and every day…the cat…falls asleep…but…it still has its tail wrapped around the mouse…And the tail is…wrapped very tightly…so even while the cat's sleeping, the mouse is still getting hurt. And…And if the mouse leaves the mouse hole…to…be with the other mice…it still has that tail wrapped around it…but the other mice…can't see it…

"They…Well, they didn't really notice what the cat was doing to the mouse at first, but every day the mouse kept coming out of that mouse hole looking a little more…uh…ragged…and…they would ask the mouse…what was…uh…wrong with it…but…you know, the mouse couldn't just…tell them…because…because the other mice wouldn't believe it. I mean…Well…Everyone knows you can't fit a cat in a mouse hole. They'd…think the mouse was crazy or something…"

I glanced at her. Her expression was almost unreadable…Her eyebrows were furrowed together like she was really concentrating hard on something, and she kept staring at me like that…probably trying to figure out what I was trying to get across to her. I looked back down before I continued with my…little story…

"This kept going on…every night…every day…and every night…the mouse would get…just a little bit weaker…and the cat…would get just a little bit stronger…And every night…when the cat would take its little piece to eat…the mouse would get…a little bit smaller too…You know, there'd be less of it…and it would die a little more…And the mouse doesn't know how long this is gonna keep going…Probably until…the cat just eats so much…that…there's nothing left of the mouse……"

I sighed. "I guess…that's the end…"

I didn't look at her. I wasn't sure I wanted to.

…She was quiet for the longest time…

_There we go…It's official…I'm crazy, aren't I?_

"…Ash…" she said, carefully stoic, "…Who…is the cat…?"

"Huh!?" I looked up in surprise.

"…You said you were the mouse," she said slowly, "Who's the cat? Who…Who's doing this to you…?"

"N…No…one…" I blinked.

She kept staring at me, worried now, but still confused.

"No one?" she asked.

"No…" I shook my head, "No one is…I think…Well…the cat is…I don't know who else the cat could be except…for…me……"

I scratched my head.

_This is it. It's all gotta come out _now_._

"Every night, Misty…_Every…single…night…_I go to sleep…and then…I…_dream_…and in all of these dreams…every night…it's like watching…a little piece of me…disappear…And I can't get it back…No one can. So…it's like I'm watching myself die…and even when I'm awake I can't forget what I saw in my dreams…and…I guess it's kinda like I'm trapped…I don't know how to stop it all…I would if I could…Misty…"

I looked up at her again, searching for some kind of hope…Maybe she hadn't been lying after all…Maybe she _could_ help…

"But…" she started, glancing down, "Ash…they…They're just dreams, aren't they? They can't hurt you…"

"They're not just dreams!" I shot back forcefully, "They're not! They're too real to be just dreams!…And they _do_ hurt…a lot…"

She didn't answer me. She just gave me a small, one-armed hug. She didn't let go right away though.

"…I'm sorry…" she whispered.

"…About what?"

She still didn't let go. She just held me for a little while longer. I could feel her warmth against me, stronger than my chill.

"……Not being able to help…" she sighed at last, "…I'll talk to Brock about it tomorrow. Maybe we can all try to work this out, okay? I'm sure it'll be easier with all of us working together…At the very least, I _know_ it'll be easier than trying to take care of it all by yourself Ash. Don't ever try that again, okay? If something is really that serious, you need to tell us and not try to fix it all by yourself…Promise me you'll never do that again?"

_Promises are cheap…_

I looked down.

_Maybe in my 'dreams' but this is 'real life'…_

"……I promise…"

She gave me a quick peck on the cheek then manuevered back to her sleeping bag. I didn't move as I watched her.

"…Good…night…I guess…" she said once she had climbed back in.

I looked at the ground. "…Maybe…" I glanced around at the forest that was slowly changing from gray to pink. "…but I don't think I'm gonna go back to sleep…You can if you want."

She had already pulled her cover up to her shoulders, but she hesitated before releasing her hold to fall back asleep again. After a while, she sighed and sat back up.

"No…I can keep you company, Ash…" She smiled slightly. "If that's alright with you?"

"That's fine with me…" I replied.


	5. Falling Into Trouble

Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
"Falling Into Trouble"

Even after everyone had woken up and we were done with breakfast, Misty told us all to stay put. She had already talked to Brock some while we were eating, but it seemed like she had more to say.

Pikachu was sitting to my left, and Togetic was sitting to my right, with Misty, then Brock after that, so Brock was actually across from me. Misty began the…discussion.

"Alright you guys," she said, "there's some things we need to talk about…"

She sighed and I saw her eyes wander towards me.

_Gee, I wonder what these "things" are…?_

"You mean me, don't you?" I asked.

"Mean you what…?"

"You mean we need to talk about me, don't you?"

She didn't say anything for a moment, then sighed, "Yes, Ash. We need to talk about you."

"Fine…but hurry it up okay? I still wanna get back to Pallet as soon as we can."

"…We'll talk about that too…"

"Huh?"

"Now…" she continued, ignoring me for the moment, "…Ash talked to me about what was going on last night…"

_I'm still here you know…_

"…and…" She stared down at her lap, "I know it doesn't sound very serious to us, but it must be or else…he wouldn't…"

"Pika chu?"  
_'What is it?'_

I glanced at Pikachu, reminded that I hadn't even told him what was going on…Pikachu was always the first person I would turn to when I needed help…

"…Well, he said…" Misty started to answer. She had been travelling with Pikachu almost as long as I have, and could almost understand him as well.

"Why don't we let Ash tell us?" Brock suggested.

"Huh…?" I asked.

"I want to hear it from you," he replied.

I avoided looking at their eyes and instead focused on the dead campfire.

"Well, there's really not much to tell…"

"Come on, Ash…" Misty said, "You already told me…Don't these guys deserve to know too?"

I glanced at Brock as well as I could without moving my head. He was sitting there, waiting patiently for me to begin. To my right was Togetic. He probably only vaguely understood what was going on, but he could tell it was important and kept quiet.

And Pikachu…

Pikachu looked back at me sadly with his ears and tail hanging limply. No one else could ever hold that much compassion…

_…and here I've been ignoring Pikachu…and everyone else…all because of…_

I winced at several painful memories that flashed by as I thought.

_…Maybe they can help me…or if they can't…If they know what's going on, maybe they won't mind so much if something…happens……_

_Only for you, Pikachu…_

So I told them pretty much the same thing I had told Misty, but I decided to leave out any analogies from before…

"So what you're basically trying to say," Brock concluded thoughtfully, "is that you have these nightmares every night, and they always kind of…'haunt you', if you will, in the day time?"

"…Yeah, that's pretty much it…"

He nodded. "And all of this is kind of…well, _very_ much I guess, driving you slowly insane…?"

_That's not exactly how I would have worded it…_

"…I guess you could say that…" I mumbled.

"……I guess that's understandable…"

"Pikachu, pika pi?"  
_'Why didn't you tell us before?'_

"…I didn't want you to know…I thought it would go away on its own………Guess it won't though……Probably never will…" Even as I said that, the bitter truth of it all hit me once again and again brought about the shivering and the tears…

"Ash…" Misty whispered.

"Pi…Pikapi!"

Pikachu jumped into my lap and rubbed against me. I gratefully hugged him closer to me.

"Thanks…"

"Pika…"  
_'No need to thank…'_

"…Ash…?" Misty asked quietly.

"…Hm…?" I responded without looking up.

"…Look…We'll get it to stop…somehow…and then everything will be alright…"

_I guess…but even if it does stop…won't I still have…the memories?_

"…Yeah…" I sighed.

"Anything else, Misty?" Brock asked.

"…Not really I guess."

"…Can we get back to Pallet now?" I asked.

"…Sure, Ash," Misty replied.

***

It seemed like it was going to be another uneventful walk in the woods. Until of course we all suddenly found ourselves ten feet below the surface.

"Oww…" Misty groaned. It had been quite awhile since this had last happened, so we weren't as used to it as usual. "This hole wasn't here the last time we went this way…"

"Actually…" Brock corrected, rubbing his head, "I think it was…"

Before Misty could inquire further, three all-too-familiar laughs came from up above and we all craned our necks to see for ourselves.

"Mwahaha! Prepare for trouble! Does the hole seem nice?"

"Ahaha! Make it double! You've seen it twice!"

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all peoples within our nation!"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"

"To extend our reach to the stars above!"

"Jessie!"

"James!"

"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

"Wobb! Wobbu-!"

"_Meowth!_ That's right!!"

"I don't believe it…" Misty groaned, "What do _you three_ want?"

Jessie laughed loudly. "Why, Pikachu, of course! You thought you could trick us by changing your course, didn't you? Well, Team Rocket isn't fooled so easily!"

"Not only did we finally find you twerps, but it was really easy to prepare a trap! This is the same one you fell for last time, remember?" James grinned.

"Enough talk," Jessie decided, "Get it, James!"

"Yes ma'am!" he replied, then promptly tossed a fishing line down to the pit. Attached to the end was a large metal claw-like device that quickly snapped around Pikachu's waist. James immediately began reeling in his catch. "Ooh! I got it Jessie!" he cooed.

"Pikachu!" I cried. The sight of my friend being lifted away broke me out of whatever trance I had been in.

_I _can't_ let them have Pikachu…_ I realized, surprising myself at how strongly I felt that.

I jumped up to grab him back before James could get him all the way back up, but I think I tripped on something because instead I fell flat on my face. When I looked up, the three of them were cackling over their new "catch".

_No!_

"…Thunderbolt!" I called.

"PikaaaCHUUU!!!!!" Pikachu shouted, letting out its best Thunderbolt, but it was absorbed by either the claw, the line, or both.

Jessie laughed again. "You didn't really think we would be stupid enough not to use a shock proof Pikachu-grabber, did you, twerp?"

"You'd better let Pikachu go!" Misty shouted up at them.

"I don't think so!" Jessie taunted. I looked up to see them already making their getaway in their balloon.

"Ta-ta, twerps!" James added.

"How's it feel to be on bottom for once?" Meowth laughed.

"Who's the master now!?" Jessie concluded, or tried to.

"Wobb! Wobbuf_fet_!"

I shut my eyes.

_No…If they get Pikachu……I don't even want to think about what would happen to him…_

"Don't just sit there, Ash!" Misty yelled, "Togetic! Go get them!"

"To…Toge!!" he chirped before flying up in pursuit of the balloon.  
_'Right…On my way!!'_

_…Right…_

I stood up unsteadily. "Noctowl! Bulbasaur! Meganium! I choose you!"

I threw both Pokéballs up as high as I could. Noctowl came out already ready to fly, and Bulbasaur and Meganium were standing right at the rim of the pit.

"Noctowl! Help Togetic save Pikachu! Bulbasaur and Meganium, use your Vine Whip to get us outta here!"

"Noctowwwl!" he called, flapping his red feathered wings to catch up with the dutiful Togetic.

"Bulbasaur!"

"Gaaa!"

The two grass Pokémon extended their vines downward to lift us out. Both of Meganium's tightened around my waist and hefted me up swiftly, leaving Bulbasaur to deal with Brock and Misty.

"Thanks Meganium," I said quietly, putting my hand on her neck, "Now why don't help Bulbasaur too…?"

"Nium…" she sighed before sending her vines down again. I noticed that she went straight for Brock, rather than Misty.

I looked up at the battle above us. Arbok and Weezing were both attempting to defend the balloon from Noctowl and Togetic. Weezing had used Smokescreen to try to prevent the two of them from making any attacks, but Noctowl's Foresight let them see through the smoke anyway. When Arbok launched a Poison Sting attack and Weezing complemented it with a Sludge attack, Noctowl moved to protect both of them with his Reflect move and both attacks seemed to just bounce off.

"Those two make a great team, don't they…?" Misty commented as we watched the aerial battle.

"They sure do," Brock replied.

"…Yeah…"

Noctowl suddenly made a dive for Pikachu only to be Tackled by both Weezing and Arbok. Meanwhile, Togetic flew straight up and then zipped into the balloon head with a Double-Edge attack. The air inside gushed out loudly, and Togetic emerged on the other side, looking quite pleased with himself. While the Rockets panicked about their balloon, Noctowl took the opportunity to grab Pikachu and get out of there. The balloon quickly began to spin out of control and shot over the horizon.

"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again…!" they cried before they disappeared.

Noctowl and Togetic flapped back down to us, with Noctowl holding James' fishing pole. Pikachu was still attached. I took Pikachu and tried to pry the claw off of him. It was hard, but I got it off. Once free, Pikachu hugged me tightly and I hugged him back.

"Pika…"  
_'Thanks…'_

"Glad to have you back," I said. I let Pikachu climb up on my shoulder so I could reach my Pokéballs. "Thanks guys. Return."

Bulbasaur, Meganium and Noctowl all returned to their Pokéballs in three beams of red energy. I quietly attached them back to my belt.

_It's a good thing they didn't get Pikachu…I…don't even want to think about what would happen if they did…_

"If I didn't know better, I'd say that was a pleasant change of pace," Misty giggled as Togetic fluttered into her arms.

"Yeah, but you know better," I said, "Team Rocket's never a pleasant anything…"

All of them gave me these weird looks that I ignored and started walking again.

"What do you mean, Ash?" Misty asked, "Team Rocket's pretty harmless…"

"Not all of them are like Jessie and James…" I muttered, trying to shrug off their inquiries. They were both keeping pace with me by then.

"How do you know?" Misty asked again.

"I-!" I glared at her, ready to make some not nice remark, but then I realized what I was doing. "……I don't know…It just…makes sense, doesn't it…?" I sighed.

"I guess so," Brock said, "…but I don't see why you're worried. The only Team Rocket team we ever run into are Jessie and James…and sometimes Butch and Cassidy, but they're never anything we can't handle."

"Besides," Misty smiled slyly, "what does a Pokémon champ have anything to fear from Team Rocket, huh?"

I didn't answer her, but tried to pretend like I agreed.

_You have no idea…_

***

_NO!!_

"Ash!"

_No! No, no, no no noo…!!_

"Wake up!"

_No, please no…_

"Wake up _now_!"

_This…can't…no……_

"PikaCHU!!!"

A sudden blast of yellow woke me up very effectively. Misty and Pikachu were both looking over me in worry. Brock and Togetic were groggily waking up, probably from all the noise.

"Ash, are you alright?" Misty asked, "You were yelling…I heard you mention…" At this her voice lowered, "your dad…"

I looked up at her fearfully. Her eyes told no lie. I glanced at Pikachu for affirmation…He had heard it too…I felt like I had been frozen solid…

"No…" I whispered, "No…It was nothing…Everyone go back to sleep! Nothing's wrong!!" I pushed Misty and Pikachu away as best I could then hugged myself just before I began shaking violently. "Go to sleep…" I kept whispering, "Don't worry about it…"

"Ash…!" Misty said in surprise.

"Don't…"

I had already started to cry…There would be no stopping them from worrying…

_Damn these tears…these dreams…everything…_

"Pikapi…"  
_'Ash…'_

"Stop it," I muttered bitterly, "Just leave me alone…"

I let myself fall back to the pathetic cushioning I used as a pillow and pulled the rest of my sleeping bag up as much as I could.

Misty crawled back towards me.

"Are you sure you don't-" she started to ask.

"_Go away!_" I yelled, hoping that would be the last effort it took to drive her and everyone else away.

I think it worked. She was too stunned to say anything else. I wasn't one to yell like that. Not at my friends.

"Pika-"

"You too!" I shouted, keeping my eyes shut in an effort to block tears and their faces.

"Cha…"  
_'What…?'_

"Leave. Me. Alone…"

"…Just give it up you guys," Brock said quietly.

Neither Misty nor Pikachu said anything to that, but I heard them both go back to their respective sleeping bags and get in. It got pretty quiet after that…but I couldn't worry about them…I _couldn't_…What I had seen in that dream…It gave me enough to worry about on my own.

_It can't be…It can't be him…Of all the possibilities in the world…It can't be him!…_

_…But…it was just a dream right? There's nothing real about dreams, right? Nothing at all…Dreams are just imaginary…things…_None of it is real.

…_None…at all…_

I knew I was only fooling myself…There wasn't much of a chance that my dream had been influenced by the sudden occurrence of Team Rocket that day…My dreams never seemed to have anything to do with what had happened in the previous day.

I muffled a sob. It didn't seem like I was going to be feeling better anytime soon.

_Somebody please help me…_


	6. *Lost Episode* Jade

A/N: I bet you guys thought I forgot about this story or something…Well…looks like I didn't! *^_^*;;;  In case you can't tell, this new chapter bumps everything after 5 up one. In other words, Ch. 6 becomes Ch. 7, 7 becomes 8, etc, etc….In case you're a normal person and forget stuff that happened a long time ago really easy, I do recommend going back and skimming over chapters 1-5 before tackling this one. The same goes for 7-21 when #22 comes out, which ought to be REALLY soon…and by that I don't mean in a month. *^_~* Anyways…hopefully from now on we'll never have to deal with such horrible annoying long waits! I just had a really hugenormongous case of writer's block like never before. Very strange if you ask me…Anyways…I really suppose I ought to stop rambling and let you read…Though…if it turns out that I don't update in a long time again, don't be afraid to bug me or something because that really helps with writer's block. Just a hint. *^_^*; Oh, and looking back on it now…There's some stuff that contradicts "future" chapters…I tried to fix it up a bit in revision, but…heh, that's why it got lost…kay? *^_^*;;; Finally…I think I'll shut up now and let Ash take the stage. I hope you guys aren't disappointed with this chapter. I packed a ton of Stuff into it…Tat's all! *^_^*

Chapter 6  
"Jade"

We'd started off heading north from Pallet Town, so coming back, we had to pass through two cities, Pewter and Viridian…We reached Pewter first. I was more than a little anxious as the stone gray city came into view…We hadn't really passed by any other heavily populated areas since the dreams started. I wasn't sure how well I would fare with so many people around…pestering me…Almost all of them would recognize me…especially with Pewter being a gym city, where everyone knew the latest Pokémon news…Of course, the biggest reason of all was because this was Brock's hometown…

Brock was in an exceptionally good mood, considering. He was probably excited to see his…family…

I sighed to myself at that thought.

_At least he has one…a huge one too…_

I pushed that out of my mind. I didn't want to have to add any more worries to my already excessive list…

"Hey Ash, you think we can stop by my house for…a while…?" Brock asked, only slowing down a little. He didn't even bother turning around.

It felt like something got caught in my throat.

_Stop? For a while…? You mean all day, don't you…? But I don't want to stop…I wanna go home…_

"I……I dunno…" I muttered and stared down at my feet while I shuffled them on the pavement.

"Great!" Brock exclaimed, clapping his fist into his open palm, "It'll be great to see the kids again, and I'm sure you'll have fun too, Ash. You and Misty are like family to me anyway."

"…I dunno about the fun part……" I said under my breath.

_And please don't mention family…_

Misty must have sensed my discomfort, because she put an arm around my shoulders and gave me a tight squeeze, even after I initially tried to shrug her off.

"Relax, Ash," she whispered, "Brock's right about one thing. Just think of it as a temporary home until we get back to Pallet. I'm sure you could use a rest after all that traveling we've been doing…I'm sure they'll have real beds…"

_Ugh…_

"I don't want a real bed, and I definitely don't want rest…"

"Ash, you _should_ rest…You're wearing yourself out by keeping up this pace…"

I tried to shrug her off again, but she held tight.

"I just wanna go home…"  I told her quietly.

"…I know…" she sighed.

            *  *  *

I'd always liked family reunions…Any reunion really. I've never been to a…Ketchum family reunion, but whenever I saw other people be reunited with someone they've been apart from for a long time, I thought it was great. Made me feel good inside. Just like how I always felt happy when I got Pikachu or my other Pokémon back from Team Rocket…

I didn't want to think about them either…

I'd politely excused myself from the foyer while Brock was busy saying hi to his father and his brothers and his sisters…There were so many of them, I was sure nobody would miss me. Pikachu might've, but all of the kids wanted to see him, so he didn't have time unless he felt like shocking the entire family…

_Family…_

I couldn't imagine living in such a huge family. It was just an impossible task for me. I knew for most people, the word family meant more than one other person, but that's all that it'd ever meant for me…Just Mom and me…and that was fine. That was all I'd ever needed…until I found out that there was another word for parent…"Father"…So Mom told me stories about him to keep me happy and feel like I really knew him, even though I didn't and probably never would…

I walked to the far side of the room and leaned against the windowsill. I didn't bother looking outside, I just needed something to lean against. I glanced over my shoulder one last time at the all-too happy family reunion going on in the next room…I could still remember the first time I saw Brock reunited with his father…It was a strange experience for me…I'd never actually met someone with such similar circumstances before, at least father-wise. Even when Flint first told me Brock's story, before I knew he was also talking about himself, I was still surprised, but I couldn't give up on trying to beat him because we had something in common. I knew I wouldn't like that if someone used that as an excuse to be nice to me.

I also wondered if that's how me and my dad would be when we first met…I still don't know the answer…Probably never will…Unless…

I kept one eye on them for a moment longer…

_They're…laughing…They look like they're really happy…_

With a sigh, I clonked my forehead against the glass and tried to ignore how the brim of my hat covered my eyes and pressed against my nose. I fought hot stinging tears. These were coming from a different source than the dreams…

I heard Flint's voice rise up above the rest, just barely enough for me to hear him…not that I cared…I just…could…

"Hey, you kids must be hungry! I've got lots of instant foods if you want some!"

"Instant food? I can cook up a lot better stuff than that!" Brock replied, "Hey, come on, who wants to help me in the kitchen?"

A small chorus of "I do!"s followed, along with more laughter. It was enough to make one sick.

"Alright, you…five can help. Everyone else can go play until we're done…" Brock continued, then after a pause, "Hey, where's Ash?"

_Didn't even notice I left…Predictable…_

"Someone go make sure he's alright…Okay, let's go!"

"I wanna play wiv da Pikachuu!"

"Me too!"

"Pika…Pika, pikapi!"

There were more sounds of merry-making and I heard Pikachu squealing not necessarily in joy and I could imagine five little kids dragging him away so they could go play with him…I was pretty sure I could trust them with Pikachu for the most part. After all, they did live with a gym leader…Besides, if Pikachu really wanted to stop playing, he knew how to get away.

_…Bet he won't come…_

I sighed. It turned out I was right about Pikachu, but someone did come to check on me. I could hear her footsteps approaching long before she reached me, and when she did, she leaned against the windowsill without a word. I could feel her looking at me, but I didn't make any attempt to acknowledge her presence. She stayed quiet for a while, but eventually she did speak up.

"What are you doing here all by yourself…?" she whispered.

_Wishing I was somewhere else…_

I shrugged. For some reason, talking just didn't come as easily to me as it used to…I didn't feel like caring much about that either.

"…You could at least _try_ to enjoy yourself while we're here…How do you think Brock and Flint are gonna feel?"

"…Why should I care…?"

"…Ash…Come on…" She moved closer and put an arm around my shoulders and squeezed my arm gently. "I know it's hard, but you can't keep this up forever…You know…you're not the only one with problems in this world…Try to have some fun Ash…Let's just take a break from everything here, okay?"

_…Was that supposed to make me feel better……?_

"…Whatever…" I sighed. I didn't feel like arguing. I didn't really feel like much of anything…

Misty didn't go away after that. She just kept her arm around me and gently lay her head on my shoulder and looked out the window.

"…Feel better soon…okay…?" she whispered softly.

I shrugged again. I couldn't control how I felt. What was the point of trying?

She sighed faintly, and I could feel her warm breath brush against my cheek.

"I hate seeing you like this…" she continued, just as quietly, "I miss seeing your smile…I haven't seen you smile for the longest time…"

_…Smile? I…haven't been smiling…?_

I'd never thought about that before…I guess it never seemed important…but I didn't have anything to smile about anyway…

"…Ash?" she asked, still quiet, but there was a sudden tenseness to her voice.

"…Hm?"

"Can…Will you smile…for me…?" she asked, so timidly…Misty's not timid often…but then again, I wasn't usually…well…you know…

"…You…want me to smile?" I asked.

"Yeah…" she nodded, with her head still leaning against me. She lifted up carefully and sort of turned me so we were facing each other. She had a worried, hopeful look to her face. She gave me a hesitant smile, which I guess was supposed to be reassuring. "Come on, Ash……Smile…"

_Why is it such a big deal…?_

I shrugged to myself.

_It's Misty. Just give her what she wants and maybe she'll leave you alone…_

I looked into her eyes and, with some difficulty, forced a curve to my lips. I waited for her reaction, but it was slow in coming.

"…Ash…"

"What? I'm smiling, see?" I said and even pointed it out for her. That only seemed to make matters worse…Her own mouth grew small and a shade of wet covered her eyes.

"…Are you sure…?" she asked, her voice small.

"Of course I'm sure…" I replied quizzically…

_I oughta know when I'm smiling…_

She bit her lip and shook her head. "No…No you're not…You're not…! Ash, come on, don't joke with me…I'm just asking for a smile…One little thing…Is that too much to ask…?"

"But I am!"

She looked like she was going to cry…I couldn't understand it…I did it, didn't I? I smiled for her…Why would she be so sad now…?

"Ash…Try…Try again…Smile…a lot. A big grin…Just one more time…?"

I didn't know why she was being so picky, but I complied…Something about her reaction was scaring me…

I smiled for her…I really did…I even showed some teeth to prove my point…It really didn't work…

She did start crying. Not a lot. Just one tiny sob and only hints of tears, but I recognized it.

"Oh Ash…" she whimpered and tightly draped her arms around me, burying her face against me, "You…You look like you're in pain…You really can't smile…? You can't smile anymore…? Did you forget how…?"

…I didn't know what to do…I…I tried…I really thought I was…smiling…but…pain? Maybe because I was…in pain…inside…

Eventually, I found the sense to hug her back, but that too felt odd…unnatural…like my smile…What…What was happening to me…?

"…I'm sorry…" I whispered.

She shook her head. "Don't…don't be…It's…not your fault…"

_…Maybe…but then who's fault is it……?_

            *  *  *

We reached Viridian the next day…Viridian…The city of green…the color of life…Even the name sounds lively…Vivid Viridian…Also the home of…

The Viridian City Gym…the leader of which…unless I'm mistaken…is also the leader of…the infamous Team Rocket…which also happens to be located in Viridian…That's not too surprising…That they're both located in the same city, I mean…

I didn't want to be there…Granted, I didn't want to be anywhere, but I didn't want to be there especially.

_Viridian…_

Who would've thought just a name, a simple word, could bother anyone so much?

It was a bright and cheery day…weather-wise, at least. It always seemed to be…on days when I felt especially rotten. I would've gotten annoyed, but that wouldn't have gotten me anywhere, so I didn't. Besides, little annoyances like that just didn't seem worth the trouble to worry about.

_Viridian…Is this place really as peaceful as it seems…or do I have too much faith in dreams…?_

I knew where I wanted to go…but I didn't know if I wanted to go there badly enough to actually go. Misty seemed ready to move on, probably because of what happened in Pewter. She probably wanted to get me home quickly. I don't think Brock voiced his opinion on the matter, but he probably sided with Misty.

I should've been the same way, but…I still had that…curiosity…nagging at the back of my mind…and I needed to do something about it…The only place I _could_ do anything about it was right there in Viridian. When it all came down to it, there really was only one thing I _could_ do and still make an attempt to keep my sanity.

I stopped when we passed the gym. Actually, they passed the gym, I stopped in front of it. When they realized that I stopped, they came back to ask why.

"I'm going inside," I told them. I removed Pikachu from my shoulder and handed him to Misty. "You guys stay out here. I won't be long."

"What are you-?" Misty began.

I shook my head to stop her from continuing. "Just a little spot check…"

It wasn't a big lie. As a high-ranking official of the Pokémon League, part of my job was to stop by official gyms spontaneously, just to see how they're doing. There's no need to call ahead, and it's actually preferred that I don't, just to catch them as they normally behave everyday…

With that said, I turned away from them and walked into the gym. The Romanesque guards started to give me some trouble, but they had the common sense to let me through when they saw who I was.

Inside I found the lobby. I hadn't gone in through the challenger's door of course. I already had my Earth Badge…A lot of good that did me…

I walked up to the front desk and waited for the receptionist to notice me. The Viridian Gym was one of the very few that actually had this type of nonsense. The man behind the counter, middle aged, in a suit, with slicked-back black hair, looked up at me impatiently, then showed a sign of surprise when he saw me. He recovered quickly and folded his hands across the desk.

"Yes…? How may I help you?" he asked silkily.

"Is Giovanni busy?"

"Giovanni? For you, I'm sure he's not…I'll tell him you're here…"

"Okay."

I waited a little while the receptionist called him, then turned to me. "He's ready to see you. Do you remember where his office is?"

"Yeah, yeah…I remember…"

I left the lobby and went down a fairly familiar hallway and searched around through there until I found Giovanni's office. It wasn't my first visit, of course. I'd dropped by a few other times for check-ups, just for the heck of it. I'd never found anything suspicious either. I knew the gym was run by Team Rocket, but no one would believe me without solid evidence. It also turned out that while Giovanni wasn't very popular with the rest of the league, (he left the gym unattended all too often), he was also well respected as a Pokémon trainer, and had gazillions of money to back himself up in any case.

I knocked lightly before letting myself in without waiting for a reply. Giovanni quickly straightened up at my entrance and greeted me with his calm, smooth voice.

"Ah, Mr. Ketchum…What a…pleasant surprise…Please, have a seat…"

I gave him a nod to let him know that I heard him and casually sat down at my own pace. I eyed him as I did so. His back was straight to the point of strain, his hands were folded over the top of his desk so tightly knitted together it would probably take me, Brock and Misty combined to take them apart, and his jaw was set tightly, not moving a hair. If I was to take that to mean anything, I'd say he was nervous.

_Perfect…_

I stared down at the nameplate on his desk…

_'Giovanni Razzo'…Is that supposed to be Italian or something…?_

It wasn't important really…I just needed a reminder of his…"name"…What was important was that right then and there, I was the one with the authority, and I planned on using it. All these stuffy etiquette rules were finally becoming useful…

"Mr. Razzo…?" I began, and glanced up at him as I said that.

He gave me a thin, wary smile. "Yes? What brings you here…?"

"I'll ask the questions," I snapped without even thinking about it. I nearly choked right then and there. Not literally, but I nearly ruined my whole scheme because of how I sounded when I said that…I scared myself…I really did…

Giovanni seemed surprised as well, but he was still trying, and failing, to hide it. "…Very well then…What do you want to know?"

"Weren't you listening…?"

I think he was going to say something to that, but he stopped himself. "…I apologize……Do continue…"

I checked to make sure he was really being sincere, and I think he really was, or if he wasn't, he was good at hiding it…It was probably the latter…

I let myself fidget for a moment. I could do that. I was the one in charge. He could only fidget when I let him…I liked it better this way…

"…Mr. Razzo…" I started again. That time he kept quiet. I paused to look around the pretty plain little office he had there. It wasn't as impressive as what I could remember in dreams…but that was in a different building…besides…those were just dreams……

"…I guess you actually decided to run the gym today…?" Always nice to start off on a nice general topic…

"Uh…Of course…This gym is open far more often than…your colleagues would lead you to believe…Mr. Ketchum…" He replied name lowly, with his eyes narrowed. He can't be mad at me for my name. It's nothing I could help.

"So…_twice_ in a blue moon?" I offered.

"…More than that…" he continued in that low tone.

I shrugged. "That's not my business…Officer Jenny's the one who has to keep collecting your fines to the League for every day you miss…"

"I'll have you know they always get paid, Mr. Ketchum…"

I nodded without looking at him. "Yeah, that's pretty amazing, considering leading the gym is supposed to be your main job and you're never working…I guess whatever you do when you're not tending to the gym pays really well…Say…What _is_ it that you do anyway…?"

"…That's private information…" he told me with a hint of warning in his voice.

"Really…? All the other gym leaders have their secondary jobs filed with the League. Nearly everyone teaches junior trainers. The Cerulean sisters have their water show. Erika has her perfume business. Blaine runs a hotel. Whitney has a dairy farm! Really Mr. Razzo, whatever job it is, it can't be that embarrassing can it?"

He stared straight at me for what seemed like the longest time, not because I was scared, but because I was terribly anxious to hear what he had to say…

_Yeah, that's right Giovanni…I know _exactly_ what that "other job" is…I just wanna see how long it'll take for you to crack…_

"…I……I teach junior trainers…That's all…" he answered calmly, finally…I wanted to smack him.

"Oh…Well, you could've said that earlier…" I muttered, "if it's really the truth…"

"What was that?"

"…I thought I was asking questions…"

_I don't think he liked that response. Well, too bad for him._

I took my time in deciding how to bug him next…I already knew perfectly well _what_ I wanted to bug him about…

"……Is there anything else…you're not telling………the League…?"

The League. I was starting to love that excuse…

He blanched…very slowly…I don't think he understood exactly what I was hinting at right away. Of course, I don't know what exactly he thinks I was hinting at either…

"I don't know what you're talking about…" he said, carefully slow.

"…Of course you do…" I replied in the same manner.

"No…I really don't…I'm sorry, but I don't have any more information to offer you, Mr. Ketchum…"

_Now he's just trying to get rid of me…Well, I won't let him off that easy…_

"…That's too bad…Mr. Razzo…I was hoping we could talk some more…You know…I don't get to talk to a lot of…guys your age…It's a shame…You know…I never knew my dad either? It would've been nice to talk to him…at all…Guess it won't happen though…" I didn't look at him the whole time I was babbling…I didn't know exactly why I was saying this, except maybe I just wanted…I don't know…a confession or something…then I'd get an excuse to yell at him or something…He wasn't saying anything though…I imagined if I actually looked up, he'd be staring at me, quietly hyperventilating, but too stiff and proud to say anything about it…

_…I don't think it's gonna work…_

I sighed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Razzo…I shouldn't have gone on like that…and wasted your time…I guess I'll be going now……" I stood up silently and glanced again at his nameplate as I turned to leave. A memory sparked in my mind and I voiced the key element of it. "Say…Isn't 'razzo' the Italian word for 'rocket'…?"

He looked sharply up at me, his eyes as wide as his hard face would let them go.

I shrugged. "I don't know why I brought that up…It's just a name after all…Well…Bye…"

I left, leaving him with that to think about. I kept to myself on the way back outside. I really couldn't care less about anyone else in the building. That's why I was so surprised when I nearly ran into two darkly dressed teens, both probably just a year or two older than me…

"Watch where you're going!" the boy grated at me.

Normally, I would've replied at least, probably not too kindly…but I was too busy staring at his female counterpart…and not in the way that Brock stares at girls either…She…I could've sworn I'd seen her before…

"Are you deaf!?" the boy growled.

I ignored him…I think I was making the girl nervous…She was staring back at me and I could see a strange fear in her…_gray_ eyes? Violet hair…and something about that face…

The boy seemed to finally figure out that my attention wasn't on him, and he stepped in front of her. "What are you staring at, perv!?"

I blinked as my line of sight was blocked. At the same time, something clicked.

"Billie…?" I breathed, unaware of the softness of my voice and the faraway look on my face. 

"What…!?" they both exclaimed at the same time. The boy took an angry step forward. "Just who do you think you are? How do you know her name!?"

_…That's Billie…Who's this guy…?_

I stared at him as well, but I didn't get the same strange feeling I got when I looked at…his partner…?

"Don't play dumb! I know you can talk, I just heard you!"

"…Ash…Ketchum…" I answered distantly, "…Who are you?"

I think he recognized my name, because he took a step backwards, but he kept glaring at me, now with a hint of indecision.

"…Henry…" he answered simply, "…and I want you to leave Billie alone, got it…?"

_Why can't he let her stand up for herself…?_

I looked past him. She was still staring at me, but when she saw me looking at her again, her expression formed into a glare.

"You heard him," she said coldly.

I stood there numbly for a moment. Her voice confirmed it. I knew her…or I used to…from somewhere…A lost memory…? Or maybe just a…dream…

I swallowed.

_No…No matter what, things are different now…It's best to just leave her alone…_

I nodded quietly. "Sorry…I was about to leave anyway…" I moved past them, not without several glances at both her and Henry…

When I was alone again, I choked on a sob and a hidden tear…

_Was that real? Is she…If…If she's really real…is…everything else…too…?_


	7. Welcome Home

Chapter 7  
"Welcome Home"

"We should reach Pallet by the end of the day," Brock informed us.

"That's great…" I muttered.

It wasn't that I had lost my desire to return home. It had just taken so long to get this far that I was starting to doubt that we'd get there at all. I wasn't about to believe it until I saw it for myself.

We'd been walking for a total of three weeks. My dreams had started about four days after we left Pallet Town, plus another week before we (actually, I) decided to turn around, so that left me with about eighteen nights of these dreams and they still showed no sign of disappearing.

"Aren't you glad?" Misty asked.

"Of course," I replied flatly, "It's what I've been wanting this whole time, right?"

"Well…yeah…but you don't look very excited…"

"Yeah? Well sorry. Maybe I'm not."

At both her and Togetic's hurt looks, I sighed.

_Maybe we _could_ quicken the pace a little…_

"Come _on_," I said, starting to walk a little faster.

Misty smiled at this and gladly followed suit.

We somehow managed to keep it up for the entire day, only stopping once for lunch. We reached Pallet Town before sunset.

"There it is…" Brock said reverently.

I didn't stop to admire the view. I just wanted to get home. I _had_ to get home…That hope was all that had kept me going for so long…

"Finally," I muttered, not changing pace at all. There was no way I was going to slow down, but for some reason, it seemed like something was preventing me from speeding up. Maybe after all those days of waiting for this, I was afraid that I would be horribly disappointed once I reached my destination…

So many memories found themselves associated with this town…almost fifteen years worth of memories in fact…Unfortunately, not all of them were…'real.'

_Maybe it's not such a good idea to come back here anymore_, was my predominant thought as we wandered through the quiet, peaceful streets in the direction of my home.

Of course I had to argue that thought with another one of, _How can you say that, Ash? Of all the places that ought to make you feel more comfortable, home is definitely the first choice isn't it?_

_Yeah, but so much has happened here…I…Maybe it would be better to find someplace completely unfamiliar. Someplace where I can't recall any memories about that location…_

_Oh yeah? Well, I don't seem to recall anything major happening on that trail way back there, and that's where I first started having these dreams, right?_

_Shut up…_

I sighed in exasperation from my brief mental war and took a moment to see where we were so far. Thankfully, or maybe unfortunately, we didn't have much farther to go at all. I sighed again.

_Great. Not only am I arguing with myself, but I'm losing the arguments._

We were home before I knew it. A charming little house with a small, yet surprisingly beautiful garden surrounding it, in turn surrounded by a classic white picket fence with a small gate straight across from the front door with a worn trail connecting the two, and in the back, hard to see from where we were standing but gradually peeking more over the roof each year, was a lone ash tree…

_My home…_

It was so good to be able to feel that truth in just looking at a place…but for some reason, I felt scared too…Scared that maybe…maybe things would only get worse, and then even my _home_ wouldn't be able to bring me any comfort…

_There's only one way to find out, now isn't there? _I asked myself in disgust.

I remained silent as I unlatched the gate and let it creak open.

_Gotta remind Mom to put some oil on that,_ I thought idly.

Then it was just a short walk across the front yard to the door, where I actually had to resist the instinct to knock first, but remembered again that this was my house and opened the door and let myself in.

"…Mom…?"

I blinked at Mimey, who was busy watering a tiny vase of flowers. He spun around in surprise, spilling some water on the table. He hurriedly pulled out a handkerchief and began wiping it up while still staring at me in disbelief.

"Mime?"  
_'Ash?'_

"Yeah…Where's Mom?"

"Mime, miime!" he replied, pointing behind him to another room.  
_'Back there!'_

I looked past him. Mom was already walking briskly into the room with an excited expression on her face. She kept going, greeting Pikachu first with a cheek rub, then I soon found myself in her arms.

"Oh, Ash! You're home already? I thought you would be gone a lot longer than that…"

In all other circumstances I probably would have laughed it off and said something about missing her or not wanting to leave her there all by herself. I couldn't though. I felt repulsed by the fact that she was even hugging me. I didn't want that. I wasn't embarressed. My friends had seen her hug me before. It was something else…Probably had something to do with……

_Oh no…Not that…_

I shut my eyes. As much as I hated the thought, I couldn't shake the feeling that those dreams had some basis of reality behind them, and if that was true…

_Mom…_

…If that was true, then this woman has betrayed me…was still betraying me…

_No…_

I forced myself out of the embrace and chose to look at the floor instead of her face.

"…Ash? Is something wrong?"

_Wrong? Oh yes…Very much so…_

I shook my head and bit back tears.

"…Are you sure…?"

"M-Mrs. Ketchum?" Misty interrupted.

Mom took a little while to turn her attention away from me. "Yes, dear…?"

"…There's…a reason why we came back," Misty answered slowly, "and…well, it's not a good one…"

A pause. I heard Mom glance at me then back at Misty.

"And what's that?" she asked carefully.

Another hesitation.

"Well…"

"I'll be upstairs."

All heads turned to me in surprise. "What?" was the general reaction. I started for the stairs.

"I…need to think about some things……" I finally told them, then ascended the staircase and found my way to my room, where I went inside and shut the door behind me.

I closed my eyes. I didn't even bother looking at the room first. A room's a room, and I knew my room like the back of my hand.

_Well, Ash, it looks like you've gotten yourself into a splendid little mess now, doesn't it?_

I tried to ignore that thought. The last thing I needed was to get into another pointless argument with myself…

_Well…Now what? I came here because I thought it would help me feel better, but now I feel worse than ever. So many stupid dreams took place here…and worst of all…Mom…I can't believe what just happened back there…I thought I love her…_

I had my back pressed against the door. Probably some hidden instinct trying to prevent anyone from coming in, even though they obviously weren't. Of course, the door had started making dumb noises when I started shaking, so I gave up on keeping the nonexistant intruders outside and slumped to floor, hugging my knees.

_…The situation has changed from bad to hopeless…Pallet was my only hope…I've got nothing left to fall back on…_

_Nothing except…_

I mentally cursed myself for that thought.

_No, they'll never let you pull that one off, Ash. Remember?_

_Yeah…so I'm just stuck here huh? That's just _wonderful_._

I again cursed at myself.

_No. I'm not gonna just stay "stuck here". There's gotta be some way out of this…Maybe…Maybe if I can somehow convince myself, once and for all, that dreams have no basis on reality whatsoever. Maybe that'll do the trick. I mean, they're not real, right? So it can't be that hard…All I have to do…is…find some type of proof…_

_Maybe ask about my…_

I almost hit myself at that idea.

No._ There's gotta be some other way…_

_…but what?_

I couldn't think of anything right away, and I didn't really feel like stressing my mind anymore than it already was so I gave up for the moment.

_I wonder what those guys are doing downstairs…?_

_…Probably telling your mom what's going on with you…_

_…Probably………Man, I shouldn't have come here…She doesn't need to hear this stuff. She's not going to stop worrying until she knows I'm okay._

_…Isn't that what _you're_ doing?_

_…Shut up…_

            *  *  *

They eventually sent Misty up to bring me down for dinner. I wasn't really all that hungry, or at least I didn't want to be, but I didn't have much choice in the matter.

As soon as I stepped into the kitchen, Mom started fussing over me like I'd come down with smallpox or something. Again, I wanted to smack myself because I pushed her away by saying it was nothing and all I wanted at the moment was something to eat. I sat down and mused to myself that maybe I would have been better off if I _did_ have smallpox instead…

It seemed that Mom and Mimey had already eaten dinner, so ours was a mix between their few leftovers and the leftovers from our little trip. It was no small meal.

"…Ash, I'm glad you decided to come back…" Mom said quietly after we had all settled down and started eating.

I glanced at her.

_Oh really…?_

"…Misty and Brock told me about what's going on…It sounds awful…"

I wiped off a bit of sauce that hadn't quite made it in my mouth and nodded.

"…How are you feeling?"

I sighed. I had to answer her now, my mouth wasn't full.

"…I'm okay…"

"…Just okay?"

"…Yeah…"

"…If there's anything I can do to make you feel _better_, just let me-"

"I said I'm okay."

"…What?"

"I'm fine."

"……Are you sure?"

"Yes."

There was an uncomfortable pause. I noticed Misty, Brock, and the Pokémon had no desire to interrupt our conversation.

"…Ash…" Mom started again.

"What now!?" I asked in frustration. I slammed my fork down without even thinking about it. It clattered loudly with the other silverware. "I already told you I'm fine! What else do you need to know!!?"

The very air itself seemed to hold its breath, waiting to see what would happen next. Mom finally began to speak very softly, and yet very firmly.

"Ash…don't take that tone with me…"

"Why not!? What the hell is stopping me!?"

"Ash!" she stood up.

"I'm not a little baby anymore! I don't need to be treated like one!"

"Ash, stop it…Right now…" She nodded towards Misty and Brock. "We have guests. They don't need to see you acting this way."

I got up too. "Guests?! They're not guests! They're my friends! No…More like my _family_. At least I know them better than some _real_ family member, huh!?"

She completely froze. I had no comeback to thwart.

"…But he's not all that important, is he?" I asked, "…Of course not…Why would he be huh? What kind of _bastard_ would just up and leave like that…?"

I saw her shudder slightly. "Ash…You don't know what you're talking about…" she said quietly.

"I don't, do I? Well…Maybe he gave you some sort of _reason_…Maybe he had some sort of _responsibility_ he had to uphold…Something more _important_…"

"Ash…" she pleaded.

"Maybe something like…" I reached inside my jacket and retrieved my Earth Badge, "…this?" I spat and threw it on the table. It skittered across and came to a rocky stop close to her placemat, pin-side down.

She looked down at it in surprise and sadness, then back at me, keeping the same expression.

"What did you do that for?" she asked softly.

I glared at the small green badge, just a piece of glass…

_Just a stupid little…_

I sighed and took my hat off briefly so I could run my fingers through my hair. When I put it back on, I felt more like crying than shouting. I felt so helpless…These stupid dreams really were driving me crazy…

"……I don't know……"

I looked down at my food. Even if I still wanted to eat, I doubted that I could have with everyone else staring at me the way they were…

I sighed. "Sorry…I'll leave you guys alone now…"

I did just that. I would have stopped right in the living room and just curled up on the couch, but not only was it too close the the dining room, but it would make it too easy for someone to come along and try to see what's the matter. So I went to my room. This time, I found the bed and let myself fall into it. I was defeated. Defeated by a bunch of idiotic dreams…

For once, no one could see me crying, and I was glad.


	8. All Together Now

Chapter 8  
"All Together Now"

"…Ash…?" Misty's voice came through the door as nothing more than the barest whisper.

"Hnh?" I scrambled to sit up and wiped my tears with the back of my glove. "…Misty?" I asked. My voice cracked as I said that.

"…Can I come in?"

_Please don't…_

Instead of answering her, I concentrated on hiding my tears…I doubted it would work against her though…

The door creaked open and Misty cautiously stuck her head in. By her feet, I saw Pikachu do the same.

"…Are you okay?"

"Are you sure you want to ask me that?" I replied caustically.

She continued to look at me carefully, then sighed, hanging her head down.

"Guess not…"

She let herself in, followed by Pikachu, and closed the door behind her. I saw she kept one of her hands in a fist. She came over and sat down on the bed next to me. I didn't move to make room for her, but I didn't try to stop her either. Pikachu jumped up on the bed and sat in between us.

No one said anything for a while. I didn't have anything to say. Misty and Pikachu were the ones who'd gone out of their way to see me…

Finally Misty held out the hand that she'd been keeping balled up and held it open for me to see. Resting in her palm was my Earth Badge…

"You dropped this," she said quietly, "…I thought you might want it back…"

I stared at it…It was hard to imagine anything so insignificant looking could ever mean so much…

_She…thinks I want it back…?_

I looked away. "I've got plenty more where that came from," I answered.

"…But if you hadn't earned this one, you never would have been able to compete in the Indigo League…"

_The Indigo League…_

"…Like that would've been so bad…"

"Ash!"

"…Well, it wouldn't have…I didn't do anything special there…"

"…You _did_ come in the top sixteen…and you got used to battling in front of a crowd. Would you still have been able to beat Drake if that had been your first time battling in a stadium?"

"Misty!……It doesn't matter okay…?"

She offered me the badge again, this time being slightly more obvious about it.

"You sure you don't want it…?"

_She's not gonna leave unless you take it…_

I took it from her with a sigh and pinned it back inside my jacket.

"…You know I didn't even really earn this badge…Jessie and James weren't the real gym leaders…"

"Ash……What are you talking about? That was one of your toughest battles!"

"So…?" I asked tiredly, this time not bothering to take my hat off before trying to run my fingers through my hair…I really didn't feel like getting into another argument right then…

She must have sensed that somehow, because instead of pressing, she looked at me worriedly.

"Ash, are you sure you're alright…?" she asked.

I didn't move for a second.

"…Don't even…go there…" I answered coldly.

She made a quiet sigh and looked at her hands in her lap. She was fidgeting with both of them.

"…Your mom wants to know when you'll be ready to talk to her again…"

_What…?_

I couldn't do anything but stare at her…trying to figure out what she was hiding…She must have been hiding _something…_Mom was probably mad at me and wanted to set me straight…or something like that…

"…Well…?"

I pulled my legs back onto the bed and turned away.

"Why didn't she just come and ask me herself?"

I didn't hear Misty move to look at me.

"…She's a little scared, Ash…"

_Scared?…Of course. Why wouldn't she be?_

"……Are you?"

There was a long silence before the bed creaked as she stood up. She didn't say anything for a second. I didn't try to rush her.

"……I'm……not sure…" she whispered finally.

"Huh?"

I turned around but she was already walking to the door. Pikachu was standing up too, but on the bed. He didn't look like he was sure whether to stay with Misty or me.

She reached the door and put her hand on the door frame, then looked back over her shoulder.

"Ash, I hope you feel better soon…" she said quietly, then left, leaving the door open a crack, probably for Pikachu.

_Me too…_

I flopped back down again.

"…Hey, Pikachu…Close the door when you leave…"

"…Pi?"  
_'…What do you mean?'_

"…You're not actually gonna stay here are you?"

"Pika…"  
_'Why wouldn't I?'_

Pikachu walked over the bed until he was right by my side, then curled up next to me.

_Pikachu……_

I hugged him, tears already forming again in my eyes…and soon, I drifted off to sleep…

            *  *  *

"…Pikapi…"

"Hn…? What…?" I blinked my eyes open sleepily.

"Pikachu, pikapi?"  
_'Did you sleep well?'_

I groaned and buried my face back into the blanket.

"Please don't ask…" I said, though it came out muffled.

"……Chu…"  
_'……Okay…'_

I gradually realized that I had just fallen asleep yesterday without even getting under the covers or changing clothes. Not that it mattered. I _did_ fall asleep after all…

Pikachu hopped over to me again and poked me gently.

"Pikachu…"  
_'Wake up…'_

"…Wouldn't I just love to do that…?" I moaned sarcastically.

"…Pikapi…"  
_'…Ash…'_

"…Sorry, Pikachu…" I rolled over and sat up. "…Pikachu…?"

"Pika?"  
_'Yeah?'_

"…You ever have one of those dreams…that you just wish would hurry up and _end_…?"

"……Pi……" he said, hugging my arm.  
_'……Maybe……'_

"……Thanks…"

"Chu…"  
_'It's nothing…'_

We went downstairs for breakfast. I noticed that Mom in particular was carefully quiet around me, and I decided to return the favor. Brock and Misty almost seemed like they were ignoring me, busying themselves with each other's small talk. Togetic was happy to sit in between the two of them and chirp and trill randomly. Pikachu stayed next to me. I think he could sense that I needed _someone_ to stick with me…

"…Ash…?" Mom asked when I was more or less done eating.

I looked up at her in surprise.

"…Could we…talk…?" she finished.

_Talk?_

I swallowed the last bit of my food and stood up. Pikachu jumped and climbed onto my shoulder. I nodded at her. She gave me a strange, helpless smile and started to leave the room. I followed behind her. We ended up in her room. She turned around and sat down on the bed, then seemed to wait for me to do the same. I took a few steps forward. I was hesitant about sitting down next to her, or even sitting at all…Yesterday I did something that I shouldn't have. She shouldn't even be bothering talking to me peacefully…

"…What are you waiting for…?"

"Huh…? Oh……nothing……"

I went over to the bed and sat down stiffly and as far away as I could without being rude. Misty said that she was…afraid of me? I didn't want that…

I glanced at her. She wasn't looking at me, but at the floor in front of her.

_She can't be too scared…or else I wouldn't be here right now…_

I checked the distance between us. It at least a good foot and a half…

_Right now it looks like you're more scared of her than she is of you…_

Pikachu slid off my shoulder and sat next to me, in the gap between me and Mom. I looked at the floor too.

She swallowed. "…Ash…?"

I glanced at her without turning my head. "…Yeah…?"

She sighed and stared up at the ceiling. "…I can see why you feel that way…Yesterday I was just so surprised though…It all seemed to come out of nowhere……"

"…Nowhere is right……"

"………I guess fifteen years is a long enough wait, isn't it?"

I didn't answer. I wasn't sure what to say to that.

She sighed again. "I suppose I really ought to have told you sooner, but I was waiting for the okay from him…"

"……You need him to tell you what to do?"

"Wha…?" She looked at me. "What do you mean?"

"…Nothing……"

"…He has his reasons, Ash……You…I…have to respect them…If I had told you before…" She shook her head. "Young people tend to have loose tongues…"

_Loose tongues?_

"Huh?"

"……Ash, tell me why you decided to bring this up yesterday…"

_After all this, she still doesn't want to tell me…_

"…Your friends said they couldn't think of anything recent that might have made you…wonder…"

"Wonder…" I repeated to myself, "Recent…? No, this wasn't very recent…And you can blame it all on those stupid dreams…"

"…Mm……"

I absentmindedly started scratching Pikachu behind the ear. He smiled and leaned into it.

"…Look, just forget about it all, Mom…It's not really that important…Anything to do with those things can't really be that important at all…They're just dreams after all, aren't they?"

"…Just dreams…?"

"……Yeah…If they were anything else……"

_…No…They _can't_ be anything else…If they…_No.

She bit her lip. "That's something else I wanted to talk to you about, Ash…"

"Huh…?"

"…It doesn't seem like they're going to just go away, does it?"

"……No……"

"…Maybe its time…I mean, it doesn't look like there's anything _we_ can do…Maybe if we asked someone…who has some experience in these things…?" She glanced at me, probably trying to determine whether or not I was following her train of thought. I wasn't sure if I was or if I wanted to…

"…What do you say…?"

"…What do you mean what do I say…?"

She swallowed again. "I mean…What do you say to…maybe seeing…a professional?"

_A _what_?_

"…Well?"

"Uh…A…Um…You mean…a……"

"A psychologist…?" she finished for me, smiling weakly.

"You mean a shrink!?"

"Um…"

"I'm not _that_…I mean…I could be worse! I mean…I don't need…No……I don't think…"

"Ash…You want to do something about it don't you?"

"………Yeah, but…"

"Then…? It can't possibly hurt…"

"…You never know…"

"…Please, Ash? Just give it a try, okay? If it doesn't seem like it's helping, then we can stop…"

_It _could_ help…_

_But I don't want to……I don't need…I'm not…_

_Damn it all…_

"…Whatever…" I muttered. I picked up Pikachu and stood up. "Doesn't matter to me."

I left, leaving her to decide for herself, although I already knew what she wanted to do. What's that saying? Mother knows best, right? I hoped that's true…

            *  *  *

"Ash? Could you come here, please?" Mom asked. She had just gotten off the phone with someone…

"Huh…?" I got up and went over to see what she wanted.

"Ash, I just finished making an appointment with um…" she glanced at a piece of paper with stuff she'd written on it, "Dr. Marshall, in Viridian. He said he'll be ready to see you tomorrow, at four o'clock. Is that okay with you?"

_You already made an appointment!?_

"Um……I guess so…"

"Alright…"

"Um…Mom?"

"Yes?"

"……Just…um………Why Viridian…?"

She half-laughed. "Ash, I'd think you'd know…We don't have anyone like that here in Pallet Town…"

"Oh…"

_Does she mean anyone like…me, or anyone with that kind of job…?_

I didn't ask her. I was afraid she might say both…

            *  *  *

"Ash, come on! We're going to Viridian now. We need you to come with us…!"

"Do you really…?" I asked redundantly.

I dragged myself over to the front door where everyone was waiting. Mom finished giving Mimey some last minute instructions, and then we were on our way…

It's not an especially long walk to Viridian, but it's not exactly a short one either. Not only that, but someone was slowing us down…I would like to think that it was Mom, but it was probably me…I hung to the back and drifted along in my own thoughts. I was trying very hard to forget about what I'd dreamed last night, but like always, it was a lot easier said than done…Plus, just walking was very boring, so I didn't have much else to think about.

I closed my eyes and started humming a little tune to myself. It wasn't much of one if I just hummed it by myself, but it was better than listening to nothing.

_No harm in adding some words to the melody…_

"…Mezamashi keshitara chikoku shite…" I sang under my breath.

"Pika?"  
_'Huh?'_

I smiled and opened my eyes. I let myself sing a little bit louder, to help Pikachu recognize it.

"Koron de kega shite tsuitenai yo…"

Pikachu giggled at that.

Everyone else turned around and stared at me.

"Ash…What are you…doing…?" Misty asked.

"Huh…? What does it look like I'm doing?"

Brock scratched his head. "Singing…?"

"Yup."

They exchanged glances and shrugged. I eyed them for a moment then continued.

"…Kedo, kedo…"

"Pika, pika," Pikachu chimed in on cue.

"One, two, three, four. Isoganaide one, two. Isoganaide arukou…Pikachu ga tsuitera sa…"

Misty looked at me over her shoulder. "Ash, would you mind telling us _why_ you're singing…?"

"Huh…? Something wrong with that? Am I bad at it…?"

She growled in frustration. "No…It's just that……"

"You don't want me to sing?"

"No!! Just…Oh nevermind!" She sighed and waved her hand. "Carry on…"

I looked at Pikachu and shrugged.

"…Kyou mo ashita mo yume made mo…Te o tsunai de one, two. Te o tsunai de arukou…Fushigidane hoshi ga waratta…"

That was the end of that song so I had to think of something else to keep myself busy until we got to Viridian…

"…We're on the road to Viridian City…"

            *  *  *

After we checked in at the Pokémon Center and left our stuff in our room, Mom ushered us all out the door so we would have enough time to find the place where Dr. Marshall worked. Clutching that piece of paper she'd written on yesterday like her life depended on it, Mom led us down, through and around countless streets, desperately examining each and every building we passed. I easily recognized that behavior…I'd done it myself all too many times……

"Mom, we're not lost, are we?"

"Um…" She stopped to smile nervously at me. "Well, we're not exactly…I mean…Well, to tell you the truth…I'm not sure…"

Misty groaned. "Great, it runs in the family…" she muttered under her breath.

"Uh…Mrs. Ketchum, might I see those instructions…?" Brock asked.

"Huh? Oh sure, if you think you can figure them out…"

She handed them to Brock and he examined them carefully. After a good minute of scrutinizing, he looked up at our surroundings, then looked back at the paper.

"Well, from what I can deduct…" he said slowly.

"Yeah…?"

"……We're lost…"

After a general group groan, I snatched the paper from him and glanced at it. I could tell that it was beyond me.

"Mom, why didn't you just ask them to send you a map?"

"Um…Well…"

Misty snatched the paper from me and skimmed over it. She then thrust it up in the air and shouted, right by my ear, "_HEY! Officer Jenny!_"

An Officer Jenny that none of us, except Misty, had noticed before, walked over to us hesitantly.

"Is something the matter?" she asked.

Before anyone else could reply, Brock had taken her by the hands. "Officer Jenny, the only problem here is that a young beauty such as yourself has not ever enjoyed the company of a gentleman such as myself. Now, I believe that there's something the two of us could do to fix th-OW!!"

Brock found himself sprawled on the sidewalk with a rather large bruise on his head, courtesy of Misty's mallet. She sighed, put it away and faced Officer Jenny apologetically.

"Sorry about that," she said. She handed Jenny the piece of paper, "Does this make any sense to you?"

Jenny read it over. "Oh my, you're completely on the wrong side of the city. That building's over on the east end. You can't miss it. It's the tall building with a Ho-oh on top."

_A Ho-oh…?_

"Thanks Officer!" Misty said.

Brock sat up and reached up to Jenny again. "While these kids are on their way, maybe you and I could-?"

"Let's _go_, Brock…" Misty said, grabbing him by the ear and dragging him along.

Mom walked behind me and whispered, "Did he just call us kids?"

I blinked. "Um…He meant me and Misty…"

            *  *  *

"Tall building with a Ho-oh? Nonono, the one you're looking for is more of a medium-sized building, all brickwork. It's three streets down."

            *  *  *

"What are you talking about…? It's that round building down by the park."

            *  *  *

"Someone's been giving you the wrong directions…Just go down past the cinema, and it's the gray building on your right."

            *  *  *

"Hmm…? Nope, sorry. Don't know where that is…"

            *  *  *

"_THIS IS CRAZY!! WHERE THE HECK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIND THIS STUPID PLACE!!??_" Misty yelled. I covered my ears that time.

Mom looked forlornly at her pocket watch. "We're late…" she sighed.

"What else is new…?" I asked idly.

"…Maybe we should head back to the Pokémon Center. I can call from there and tell them we couldn't find it," Mom suggested.

I shrugged. "Fine with me…"

"It's not like we have any other choice…" Misty groaned.

Brock was busy staring dreamily at the girl who was now quickly walking away.

"Let's go," Mom said authoritatively.

            *  *  *

We were able to find our way back to the Pokémon Center through the maze called Viridian. We were about to walk up the stairs in defeat, when something to our left caught my eye.

"Hey, what's that?" I asked.

We all looked. On the front of the building to left was a sign that said, among a small list of other names, "Dr. Marshall, PhD."

A/N: You may very well be wondering where that song Ash was singing came from right? The title is "Minna de Arukou" which means, "Let's All Walk Together!" I thought it was appropriate for the scene. Here, Ash only sings his part (the first stanza) and the chorus (the last stanza). You probably want a translation, so here it is…(BTW, I got both the lyrics and the translation from Pokémon Lunchbox. If you want the lyrics to the entire song, go there. Better yet, get the song itself (I dunno where from though…). It's very cute…*^-^*;;)

"My alarm clock breaks, and I am late  
I trip and get hurt, I'm not lucky at all  
Still, still (Pika! Pika!)  
One, two, three, four  
Without hurrying, one, two  
Without hurrying, let's walk!  
Pikachu is lucky"

Chorus:

"Today, tomorrow, and in our dreams  
Without separating, one, two  
Without separating, let's walk...  
Under the mysterious, laughing stars"

That last line Ash sings is from "Viridian City", an American-made Pokésong. I thought that also happened to fit very nicely. *^_^*;;


	9. Oliver

Chapter 9  
"Oliver"

After we recovered from the irony of it all, I found myself in the waiting room…Of course…there wasn't much to do in there but…wait…

Judging by the clock on the wall, it was five o'clock before the door opened and a man asked for "Ketchum, Ash?"

"Uh…I guess he means me, huh?" I asked redundantly.

Mom took my hand for a moment. "Be good, honey…"

_Be good…?_

"Um…Okay…"

I met the guy by the door. He smiled warmly at me and beckoned me in. Pikachu was still riding on my shoulder. He closed the door behind me and led me to his office.

"That's a nice Pikachu," he commented.

_Huh?_

"…Yeah…"

"Aren't you the Pokémon Champion?"

"Mm-hm," I nodded.

He found the door with his name on it and opened it.

"Do you enjoy it?" he asked.

"Um…Yeah…"

He nodded and found a large pluffy chair and sat down. He gestured for me to choose one of several other nice chairs in the room.

_Weird…Feels like something's missing…_

"…Hey, aren't you supposed to have a couch for me…?"

He chuckled. "Yes, I do keep one, if you want to use it…"

"Um…That's okay…" I picked out the closest one and sat myself down.

He smiled at me again. "So…" he said.

"…Uh-huh…?"

"Oh, I almost forgot! I haven't introduced myself yet." He extended a hand. "I'm Dr. Marshall, but you can call me Oliver."

I shook his hand.

"Oliver…?"

"Yes."

"Um…My name's Ash…uh…but you probably already knew that…"

He laughed. "Yes, but thanks anyway." He offered his hand to Pikachu. "And what about you?"

Pikachu shook his hand too. "Pikachu!" he replied.

Dr. Marshall…er, Oliver I guess, laughed again.

"There we go. Now that we all know each others' names…"

_Now we get down to business…?_

"…why don't you tell me more about this champion stuff. I've always been curious about that…"

"What?!"

"Is something wrong…?"

"Umm……Aren't you supposed to be asking me about…other stuff…?"

"……Well, we could get right down to business if you wish…but I do prefer to get to know my clients before we get all nitty gritty."

"Oh……um…Well…I dunno. There's not really much to it. I just have to attend all the tournaments, but I never get a chance to fight in any of them, because you have to get through the Elite Four first, and there aren't many trainers out there who can do that."

He nodded. "Must be boring…"

_Yeah, it is…_

"Um…Well…N-no…I mean…I get to watch all the competitors battling each other……"

"…What about your friends? Do you ever battle one another? I mean, are they at the same skill level as you?"

"Uh……Not really…"

I watched as he wrote some stuff down on a clipboard.

"…What are you writing?"

"Hm…? Oh…just notes…"

"Umm…Notes on me?"

"…Yes…"

"…Oh…"

He stopped and looked up at me again. "Why don't you tell me more about yourself?"

"…Like what…?"

"Well……How about your home life?…You're an only child, correct?"

"Yeah…"

_For a reason…_

I tried to shut that thought out of my mind. This was the last place I wanted my dreams to get in my way.

"…Is everything all right?"

"Huh?"

"It looked like something was upsetting you…"

"Upsetting…? Oh, um…Nah…I'm fine…"

"…If you say so…" He wrote some more stuff. "…And your parents…? Can you tell me about them…?"

I think I stopped breathing for a second, because Pikachu looked up at me in worry.

"…Both of them…?" I whispered.

He nodded slowly.

I shivered slightly. "…Mom must not have mentioned…My dad……I…don't really know him……" I said quietly.

"…I see…"

He wrote down another thing. "…Are your parents divorced?"

"……No…"

"…Is he…"

"No."

He raised an eyebrow. "How do you know what I was going to say…?"

"Isn't it a little obvious…?" I sighed, "Besides, for all I know, they're still…happily…married…"

From what I could tell, Dr. Marshall was now truly confused. "But you said you don't know hi-"

"I don't…"

"…You must at least know where he lives…?"

_…I might…_

I shook my head.

"Does he ever visit?"

"No……"

_I'm beginning to see a pattern. What about you, Oliver?_

"Okay then…What _do_ you know about your father?"

I gave him a blank stare. I could see his expression change from one of bafflement to one of nervousness. I stayed silent for a while before I looked away to my left.

"…He trains Pokémon," I stated simply.

It took him a while before he responded with, "I see…"

I glanced at him again. "Are we ready to change the topic?"

"…Yes, I think we are…"

"……Good…"

"Um…" He started skimming through his notes and muttering to himself. "Let's see…No…We've been over that already……" He looked up. "What about that Pikachu? You two look like you're pretty close."

"…Yeah…" I patted Pikachu on the head. "Pikachu's my best friend…"

He nodded and smiled slightly. "What about those other two who were with you in the waiting room?"

"Misty and Brock? Yeah, they're also my best friends…" I blushed a little. "And um…Misty's…"

His smile became knowing. "Your girlfriend?"

"…Yeah…"

He nodded, still smiling. "They all must be really good friends to come here with you."

"…Yeah…"

"You must tell each other everything…"

_Huh?_

He looked like he was waiting for me to say "Yeah", but…

"…Is something wrong?"

_This guy…_

"…Not really…"

"Alright…"

I waited for him to bring up another topic. He sighed.

"…Alright," he repeated, "…We…both know why you're here, don't we……?"

"Yeah…"

"…Your mom told me that you've been…having troubling…dreams recently…Is that right?"

"……Yeah…"

"Why don't you tell me about these dreams? When did they start, what they're about…and anything else you think is important…"

_……I've gotta give him credit for stalling…but……_

He leaned forward and spoke gently. "…I can understand if this isn't easy for you to talk about, but that's what we're here for. I can't help you if I don't know what the problem is."

_He's got a point there…_

"……They started about three weeks ago…"

He looked at me expectantly. I shrugged. "That's about it."

"…What about the dreams themselves?"

"……They're nothing special……"

"…They must be," he said quietly, "or you wouldn't be here…"

He was very serious all of a sudden…Maybe because we had finally gotten around to the important stuff…It was a little unnerving.

"…Why don't you tell me about the nature of these dreams?"

"Nature…?"

"Yes…How they…'behave', if you will…"

"Behave…" I repeated, testing out the word, "……Well……They come every night…and……in the day……I can't forget them……it's like……" I swallowed. "I don't know…like…a trap…like I'm trapped…"

"…Trapped? How so…?"

"I…" I shook my head, "I don't know…It's like…they won't leave me alone…even when I'm awake……"

He nodded and wrote quite a bit on his clipboard. "Are they bad dreams?"

"……Yeah…"

He nodded again and kept writing. "Are they recurring? Do they repeat at all?"

I shook my head, "No…It's all connected together, but nothing ever repeats…"

"Hmm……" He stopped writing and looked up thoughtfully. "Your mother told me that you've been acting…unusual ever since you returned home…This is a result of those dreams, I'm guessing?"

"She said I'm acting unusual?"

"Yes…"

_Leave it to Mom to make an understatement like that…_

"……I guess I have…"

"…Do you think it has to do with the dreams?"

_Of course…_

"…I guess so…"

"…You said you've been having these dreams for…three weeks now, right?" I nodded and he continued. "Have they been affecting your behavior for that long?"

_Affecting my behavior?_

"……I guess so……Misty and Brock told me I'd been acting weird after the first week…after I told them I wanted to come back home……"

He nodded in understanding. "I can imagine…Why you wanted to return home, that is…It must be difficult on the road."

"……I guess so…"

"…Do you think the traveling had anything to do with the dreams?"

_What?_

"……I doubt it…I've never had dreams like that before, and now I'm not traveling anymore and I'm still having them…"

He nodded. "I see……" He looked at his notes again. "Ash, who did you first tell about these dreams…?"

"……Misty……"

He nodded and smiled a little while writing some more. "……Your mom also mentioned…Well, she said that your friends told her you had…tried to kill yourself……Is this true…?"

I felt like my skin had turned to ice…I was virtually frozen for a second, then it turned into a fierce shivering. Pikachu hugged himself to me, trying to keep me warm. I shut my eyes and hugged him back. I could still vividly remember the fear I'd felt when I fell that night…but even worse…was somewhere inside of me, I was wishing that I hadn't hit the ground……

"…Are you all right?" Oliver asked gently.

I started to nod, then shook my head no.

"……So I take it your friends weren't lying when they said that…"

_They wouldn't lie about something like that…_

I let my head droop. "…No…" I whispered.

"…If you had to do it all over again…would you?"

I stared at him with wide eyes. He almost looked like he was regretting asking that question…Maybe because of how I was reacting…

I looked down and away again. "…Maybe…" I admitted just under my breath.

"Pika…!?" Pikachu cried in disbelief.  
_'You wouldn't…!?'_

I couldn't look him in the eyes…I just…I didn't want to hurt him…but after all of this suffering……I didn't want to be hurt anymore either…

Oliver was quiet for a long time. When he finally did talk, he was still quiet.

"Ash…It…may not seem like it right now, but you have every right to be alive right now, and you should be proud of it…You're obviously very talented, to be the Pokémon Champion at such a young age. Just from talking to you for this long I can see that you're probably a very great person to be around, when you're not having these…problems…You have wonderful friends and a loving mother…There's no reason for you to let these dreams ruin your life.

"Before you go to sleep tonight, I want you to tell yourself what I just told you, and I want you to really mean it. Just believe in yourself again. Take those dreams by the neck and shout at them to leave you alone! Make them listen to you, Ash! Can you do that for me?"

_This…guy……_

"……I can try…" I said slowly. I was still shaking visibly.

He nodded sagely. "You do just that. And make sure you try your best, okay?"

"……Okay……"

"All right…Well, it looks like your time is almost up…Why don't you go wait outside and I'll talk to your friends and your mom?"

"Uh…Okay…"

He stood up and I followed suit. He offered his hand again and I took it. "And don't forget what I told you……I want you to tell me how it all goes tomorrow…"

"Tomorrow…?"

He nodded, "Yes, I think with another session we may be able to get to the root of this problem…If you're willing, that is…"

"……I…am…"

He smiled. "I thought so…Now let's go get your friends…"

"Alright…"

            *  *  *

They probably weren't in there for very long, but I was bored out of my mind by the time they came back…Sitting there by myself had given me more than enough time to think about…other things…

"It's about time!" I said when they came out. I jumped up to greet them. I could still feel myself trembling…

Misty gave me a distant, half-smile. Mom gave me a worried one, and Brock was unreadable…Oliver, smiled warmly and waved us goodbye…


	10. Second Try

A/N: I don't usually do a/n type stuffs like this, but I no longer have the ability to make strange comments in chapter summaries, so um…here I am. *^_^*; Just thought I'd let you know that the introductory segment of this ficcy is about ready to come to a close! Isn't that exciting? *watches as the readers fall out of their chairs* Eheh…*^.^*;; (told ya this is gonna be a whopper) *^_~*;

Chapter 10  
"Second Try"

_Alright…I can do this…I mean, how hard can it be right…?_

_Let's see now…I'm supposed to say…Right…Okay…I'm supposed to say…Things are going great for me! I…um…I forgot……No, no, no…I've gotta remember it…Okay…Let's try this again…I……have a lot of things going for me…I'm the Pokémon Champion…I…have good friends…I have my mom right here…and Pikachu, of course……Um…What else…?…Maybe I should've asked him to write it down for me……_

I shifted in bed. So far, none of the above was helping to comfort me at all…I _was_ about to go to sleep after all, and that threat was a lot stronger than these lies I was telling myself…

I shivered slightly and brought the blanket closer around me. Pikachu was half-woken by that and moved closer to me, then he sighed sleepily and went back to sleep.

_I think…Oliver said I'm…supposed be a good person…? He _did_ say something about that……Well, okay…Um…_

I don't like to lie…and by this time I knew better than to lie to myself…but that's what Oliver told me to do…He didn't say it in those exact words, but the things he was telling me to say…They were lies……How could I possibly be a good person if I was killing myself…?

_……I guess we can skip that one……What else…?…Oh yeah…Something about…not ruining everything because of these dreams……Well, isn't that just a bunch of……_

_…He _might_ have a point there……_

_…Shut up already…_

_…This isn't getting me anywhere…_

_…Wasn't there something else…?_

_………Yeah……This isn't going to work but…Well, here goes…Um…Okay, listen you dreams……go away……um…Yeah…_

_…That was stupid…_

_…Yeah, it was……_

            *  *  *

The first thing I noticed when I woke up…was that nothing from last night had helped…at all…If it was at all possible, I would've said that they'd made it worse…but I knew better. Those dreams couldn't care less what was going on in…'reality'……

_……no……_

"…Pikapi…?"  
_'…Ash…?'_

_No…_

_…Pikachu…?_

"Pikaa…?"  
_'Are you awake…?'_

_…No……_

"…Pikapi…?"  
_'…Hello…?'_

"Is he awake…?" Misty asked.

"Pika…"  
_'I think so…'_

Misty gently shook my shoulder. "Wake up, sleepyhead…"

I blinked but didn't move.

"…Oh, come on. We know you're awake…Why don't you get up and get changed, then we can go downstairs and eat breakfast."

I groaned and rolled over. Pikachu jumped up to Misty to get out of the way. I sighed and sat up, then got up to do just that.

"And don't forget to change your-!"

"I _know_, Mom……"

            *  *  *

My appointment was at one, so we had plenty of free time until then. Plenty of time was _not_ what I wanted. It left me with absolutely nothing to do except listen to eveyone else talk about nothing at all. Breakfast was nothing special. Typical PokéCenter food…I've tried it all before. It's not bad, and it's not like they have a bad selection, but it gets old after five years.

Afterwards, Brock suggested that we take a walk. Misty complained that we'd all seen more than enough of the city the day before, and she didn't really want to walk her legs off again. It was all the same to me, and as far as I could tell, walking was better than hanging around the Pokémon Center, so I told Brock I'd go with him, and I did.

I tried to listen to Brock as we walked, but his idea of cheering me up was to talk about was girls, and whenever we passed one, he would forget about me until he was rejected again…More than once he praised me on my "catch" and jokingly asked me for advice. I didn't really say anything. As far as I could tell, he was still the expert when it came to women. He had years more experience than I did…I probably was just suffering from beginner's luck again…

Still, the walk and the talk weren't enough to keep my mind off of other things or brighten my spirits any by the time we got back. Nothing special happened at the Pokémon Center…They failed to cheer me up…We ate lunch. We went next door at one o'clock.

            *  *  *

"Welcome back, Ash…" Oliver greeted me when we were back in his office.

I looked around at the different chairs. Pikachu was riding on my shoulder again. "You think we could use the couch today…?" I asked.

"Um…Well, sure…I'll go get it out."

He walked over to another door, opened it, then dragged out a long, red couch.

"There you go…" he said.

I went over to it and sat down. It was leatherish and a little bouncy.

"…Am I supposed to lie down?"

"Well, yes, that's what it's for…"

"…Okay…"

I lifted Pikachu off my shoulder, swung my legs up onto the seat and laid down with my head on the little pillow. It was a little uncomfortable at first, so I shifted around until it felt okay. Pikachu hopped over and also made himself comfortable, right next to my head.

Oliver observed us for a moment, then sat down in one of the chairs. He pulled out his clipboard and wrote a little in it.

"Well, you've sparked my curiosity," he began, "Why don't you tell me why you decided you want to use the couch today?"

"…I got too much sleep last night…I guess I'm tired…"

He stopped writing and stared at me for a moment. When he recovered, he wrote hurriedly for a while, then stopped and looked up at me again.

"Uh…Speaking of sleep…why don't you go and tell me how everything went last night…?"

"……Same old, same old…Maybe a little worse……"

He nodded slowly and wrote some more. "…I guess it didn't work very well then…?"

_Brilliant deduction…_

He waited a little longer for me to answer and then sighed. "This does seem to be very serious, doesn't it…?"

_You bet…_

"……Ash, can you tell me what _happened_ in your dreams?"

"……I died and came back as a ghost…" I told him. It was very close to being the truth as far as I could tell, but it wasn't the truth…

He nodded while writing and smiled slightly, probably because I had actually said something.

"…How did you die?" he asked next.

"……I killed myself…" Another almost-truth.

He stopped nodding. I think he looked just a little frightened. "…Do you know why you did that…?"

I didn't answer him right away…Now that he brought it up, I wasn't sure I knew…but there had to be a good reason.

"……I…don't know……"

He nodded again, slowly. "What about afterwards, when you were a ghost? What happened then?"

"…I went back and saw all my friends……"

He wrote a little. "…and…?"

"…and……I…don't know………They were all surprised to see me…but…they were happy that I was back……most of them were…"

"…Who wasn't?"

_Why do you care?_

I rolled over so I was facing away from him. "…No one," I muttered.

"…What was that?"

"…I said no one."

"…But someone must have…"

"No one important, okay!?"

"Piikapi…"  
_'Ash…'_

It got cold in that room very suddenly. Very cold…I tried to stop the shaking, the crying…but they came as strong as ever…

"…Ash?"

_Quit it, Oliver…_

I heard him stand up and walk over to me. "…Are you alright…? Do you want to stop for a little while…?"

_Just quit it……_

"…I'm sorry, I guess we were going too fast, huh…?"

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to listen to him. I didn't want to listen to anyone…or anything…

…but not listening to anything in the 'real' world left me unprotected and an easy target for everything else…

"…Pikapi…?"  
_'…Ash…?'_

_…What is it, Pikachu…?_

Pikachu tapped me lightly on the head.

"Pikapi…"  
_'Ash…'_

_Ash, this isn't the time or the place…_

I groaned and sat up. "What…?"

"Pika…" Pikachu told me and jumped into my lap.  
_'Don't do that…'_

Oliver smiled hesitantly at me. I was still shaking, and I could feel a lump in my throat. He sat down again and faced me, still wearing that smile.

"Ash…Do you want to talk about what's this that's troubling you?"

"…No…"

He sighed and looked down for a moment, then looked up at me, still straining to keep that smile on his face. "I understand how you feel, Ash…but you need to tell me what's wrong or else I can't help you……"

"If you understand how I feel, doesn't that mean you already know what's wrong?"

_Ha, take that…_

"……Ash, you have a very special situation here, but feelings remain the same for each person. When we're in a stressful situation, we feel tense. When something is troubling us, we feel nervous and worried. If something sad happens, we feel sorrowful. If something is beyond our control, we feel helpless…Aren't you feeling these things, Ash?"

_……You just _have_ to be right, don't you…?_

"…It's difficult to talk about your dreams because you feel so strongly about them, isn't it?"

_…Maybe…_

"…Let's experiment, shall we?"

_…Huh?_

He spread out his arms. I noticed that his clipboard was resting against the arm of his chair. He probably put it down a while ago.

"Ash, let go of your emotions. Just for a moment. Can you do that for me?"

_…Okay, he just crossed the weird line…_

"…Are you trying it?"

_He wants me to 'let go of my emotions'?_

He held himself in that position tensely for a few more seconds then slumped slightly. "Ash, you need to cooperate if you want this to work."

I looked down.

_You really think this is gonna work?_

"……Ash?"

I sighed and imitated him carelessly. "Alright, letting go of emotions here…" I said flatly.

He looked relieved and went back to that and closed his eyes. "Good…Now close your eyes…"

I stared at him. He gradually opened one eye, then stopped the whole letting go of emotions thing when he saw I wasn't closing my eyes.

"You're just not in a good mood today, are you…?" he sighed.

"Got no reason to be," I replied sullenly.

"Hm……" He looked around the room, tapping his pencil against his thigh. "Ash, when do you think you'll be ready to talk to me about these dreams?"

"…I don't think it's a matter of 'when'…It's probably a matter of…um…'never'…"

He sighed. "If you don't want to talk about them, then…how am I supposed to help you?"

"…Guess you can't then…?"

"…But I have to. That's what we're here for."

"…Then you'd better figure something out."

He scratched his head. "Well……there's…always……eh…but no, that's only as a last resort……"

"…Huh?"

"……I could use my Hypno to put you under hypnosis, and then you'll be able to tell me everything without your emotions getting in the way…but…it's not very ethical…"

_…Not very ethical? Who cares about ethics…?_

I blinked.

"…Hypno…?"

He nodded absently. "Yes, my Hypno. He's been specially trained for this kind of work…"

"…W-wait, isn't that a little dangerous to use a Hypno's sleepwaves on humans?"

He nodded again, "Yes, but like I said, this Hypno's been specially trained so problems like that won't occur…"

_Problems like that…? So he does know what I'm talking about…_

Back when we were passing through Hop-Hop-Hop Town, a Hypno that had been used to help adult humans fall asleep at night had also been unwittingly emitting sleepwaves that were making the kids in town think that they were Pokémon……Lucky them……

"……You said a Hypno, right?"

"Yes…"

"…Hypno…can learn Dream Eater…can't it…?"

His eyes widened and he nodded again.

_…This could be a good thing…_

"……Does your Hypno know Dream Eater…?"

"……I…believe so……"

_This could be a _very_ good thing…_

I looked up at him again, suddenly hopeful…suddenly seeing a chance for…

"Ash, are you saying…you want Hypno to…eat your dreams?"

I nodded, slowly.

_All of them…I want them all gone! I don't care how!_

He gritted his teeth nervously. "I don't know, Ash…Dream Eater can be a dangerous attack……"

"Who cares, as long as it works?…And even if it doesn't work…who cares?"

I could tell I was starting to sound desperate…but like I said, who cares? I had found a sliver of hope and I wasn't about to let it just slip away because of something silly like it being _dangerous_.

"…I still don't know…"

"……Please…?"

His face showed nothing but tense uncertainty as he removed a Pokéball from his pocket and examined it critically.

 "…Ash, I don't think……I don't think this is a good idea…This isn't an approved method of therapy, and there's a chance that you…or even Hypno could get hurt in the process…It's unhealthy for Hypno to eat bad dreams, and from what you've been telling me, yours sound very bad indeed…"

_HypnoHypnoHypno…Oh who cares!? I want these dreams GONE…_

"Can't…can't you just give him an antacid or something? Please? This…I think this could work, Dr. Marshall…"

"…Oliver," he reminded me gently.

"Oliver then…Look, if anything happens to me…I promise I won't sue you. This was my idea, and besides I really don't need the money…If this _does_ work, then…then…then you'll be my favorite person in the world! And I don't really care if it doesn't work, because I don't think there's much that could possibly be worse than this! And even if there is…I…don't…care…Trying something's better than just not doing anything, isn't it?"

"…Inaction usually isn't the best bet…but……"

"We have to at least give it a try…"

"Eh…" He shook his head firmly. "No. It's too dangerous. I won't allow it. Dream Eater Is supposed to damage its target. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Don't worry about me! Really, whatever happens, I'm sure I can handle it…"

If at all possible, I think that made him more skeptical than ever…

"…Well, what about Hypno? As a Pokémon Master, wouldn't it be irresponsible for you to intentionally harm a Pokémon outside of battle…?"

_True…_

"Well…Why don't we ask Hypno?"

"Ask…Hypno…?" he said hesitantly.

I nodded. "Yeah. If Hypno doesn't want to, then……"

I didn't want to finish my sentence. I was supposed to say "then we don't have to," but…I wanted to anyway…

Oliver sighed. "…Alright…"

There was a white flash, and the light formed itself into a large yellow Pokémon with a white ruff of a mane and holding a pendulum.

"Hypno…" he said upon appearing.

I was suddenly hit with an unsettling sense of déjà vu, but I gritted my teeth and tried to ignore it.

"Hey, Hypno," I asked, "Do you think you could use Dream Eater on me?"

Hypno blinked. "Hypno…?"  
_'What…?'_

"Hypno," Oliver said, "Ash here has been having some nightmares that he wishes to be rid of. He wants to know if you'd be willing to…eat them…"

"Hypno…" Hypno considered this.  
_'Eat them…?'_

Oliver nodded at his Pokémon. "Yes. With Dream Eater."

"Hyp…no…?"  
_'Isn't that a little dangerous?'_

"Hypno, I don't care if _I_ get hurt, I just want to make sure that you don't mind if something happens to you," I interrupted.

"Hypno, hyp…no…"  
_'I would like to see these dreams before I attempt to get rid of them…'_

_Huh…?_

"…You think you might be able to get rid of them without eating them?" I asked.

"You can understand him?" Oliver asked in surprise.

I glanced at him. "Yeah…"

"Do you own a Hypno…?"

"…No……"

"Oh, I see. You're a Pokémon Master. You must be able to understand Pokémon even if you haven't caught them yet."

_Not…really……_

"Uh…Yeah, that must be it." I turned to Hypno. "Well?"

He shook his head. "Hypno, hyp, no…"  
_'No, I'm afraid I would have to eat them…'_

"Oh…Well…Wanna try eating them then…?"

"…It's up to you Hypno…" Oliver said quietly, "Though if you don't think you can pull this off without either of you getting hurt, I'd prefer it if you not try at all…"

"Hypno."  
_'Either way, I'd have to put him to sleep first.'_

_Sleep…?_

I didn't say anything, but there was a cold feeling deep inside of me at the mention of that word.

Oliver turned to me. "What do you say, Ash? I for one think we should try regular Hypnosis first if we're going to try something like this at all…"

I shifted uncomfortably. I'd kind of forgotten that I had to be asleep for Hypno to eat my dreams, and I didn't like the idea of being hypnotized either…but…if it worked…

"…You're the doctor here…"

He nodded in understanding. "I say we try Hypnosis first, and if that doesn't get us anywhere and Hypno is up for it…we can try Dream Eater."

"…Alright…"

"Pikachu, why don't you sit over here…?" Oliver suggested, patting the armrest next to him.

"Pi…ka?"  
_'Um…You sure?'_

"Go ahead, Pikachu…" I said.

"Chu…" Pikachu said reluctantly and hopped over to sit next to Oliver.  
_'Okay…'_

I sat tensely and waited for Oliver to make the next move. I could feel a knot forming in my gut…It was like something was trying to tell me that this was _not_ a good idea…but we were too close to turn back…and besides, if I didn't put up with the hypnosis first, then Oliver would never let Hypno try Dream Eater…

…but still…

"Are you ready, Ash?" he asked kindly.

I gulped and nodded.

"Just try to relax…"

"I'm trying my best here…" I replied, the tension very audible in my voice.

"Ash…You know, this isn't a real sleep. It's more of a…state of mind…One where you'll find it easier to communicate…You should be able to tell me about these dreams and then I'll be able to help you find a way to…end them."

I nodded. I wasn't really paying attention. That feeling was still there, and it wasn't going away…

"Now, just focus on Hypno and let him guide you through this…"

I looked at Hypno. I was scared. Even I couldn't believe how scared I was…

_It's…not that big a deal…_ I told myself, _Just get this part over with and then…then we can try Dream Eater and everything will be fine…Besides, nothing bad can happen during Hypnosis…right…?_

_Right. Of course not._

_…I'm scared…_

"Hypno…" Hypno said and begun swinging the pendulum.  
_'Concentrate…'_

I watched, but I couldn't ignore that nervousness…I was really scared…

"Hyp…no……Hyp…no……Hyp…no…"  
_'Just…relax…There's nothing to be afraid of…'_

_How could you tell…!?_

I would have said that out loud, but Hypno's sleepwaves were already starting to take effect. Spirals of sleep washed upon me. I started to lose track of what I was seeing and I think I completely lost my sense of touch. I felt like I was drifting, not to sleep, but somewhere very…black…

_Is this…Is this where the dreams are coming from…?_

My vision faded into the blackness, but I still felt very much awake. I was surrounded by the blackness, cold, dark and threatening. I felt small and helpless in this thick void of black…It surrounded me completely…I felt…lost in it…

_Where am I…?_

I felt something…a gut feeling that someone was calling out to me from beyond the blackness…but the blackness was neverending. How could anyone be beyond it…?

_What…is this…? This…I don't think this was supposed to happen…Maybe this is what I was so scared of…It feels like…It feels like one of my dreams…but stronger…deeper…This must be the source…It's so cold here…and black…but why…?_

I was surrounded by cold and black…but in a way, it was almost comforting…It was as if it wanted to become a part of me and let me become a part of it…and then there would be peace because I wouldn't feel alone anymore…and then I would never have to leave this place, and I would never sleep, and I would never dream…

I wanted that…I wanted anything that would protect me from my dreams, and this blackness promised that it would…I offered myself to the blackness…I wanted to let it have me…Let me become part of the blackness…

A sharp pain ran through me. I cried out. I wondered if this was part of what the blackness was, but I realized that the blackness couldn't fully reach me. Something was holding me back, filling me with pain. I shouted at it to let go, to let me go…but it only held me tighter. I felt like I was choking in its grasp.

_THIS IS NOT YOUR PLACE_

My breath gave out.


	11. Empty

Chapter 11  
"Empty"

"Chu…!"

I woke up as the last few volts of electricity crackled through my body. I found my lungs burning with every breath. My head felt like someone had tried cracking it and sticking it back together with a glue stick. I wasn't completely aware of my surroundings at first, but it seemed that I was lying on the couch with Pikachu and Oliver standing over me in worry.

"Are you okay…?" Oliver asked.

"Pikapi!" Pikachu added.  
_'Ash!'_

"…I…" I couldn't finish my sentence. A wave of cold pain washed over my brain. I held my head in agony and waited for it to pass.

"……I'm…not sure what happened…" Oliver whispered, "Once you were under the trance, I couldn't connect to you at all…I asked Hypno to talk to you telepathically, but…" He hesitated. "It was like something _hit_ him…" He shook his head. "It doesn't make any sense…" I heard him sigh. "We're lucky your Pikachu was able to wake you up…but even that took a while…" When I looked up at him, he smiled wryly. "I doubt many people can stand that amount of electricity…"

"Yeah well…" I coughed and wheezed out the last bit, "I'm used to it…"

"I can imagine…" He helped me sit up and spoke quietly. "Maybe it's time we call it a day…"

I just nodded as a reply.

            *  *  *

For once, my dreams weren't what was bothering the most…As I sat in the waiting room with Pikachu lying protectively on my lap, while Oliver talked to Mom and my friends, I couldn't shake this…_empty_ feeling that had been with me ever since I had woken up. I didn't pay attention to anything, even when they came back and walked me to the Pokémon Center. I just nodded whenever it seemed like someone was talking to me. When we got to our room, I went straight to bed without a word to anyone or even bothering to change.

That blackness…I wasn't sure if it was a good or a bad thing…I'd never felt anything so cold and so dark…but in all of that blackness, I had found a chance for dreamless peace…I had come so close to it, and I was seriously frightened, not only because it had happened at all, but because…something was telling me that it _shouldn't_ have happened…That I shouldn't have been able to go there at all…and yet…I _did_…

            *  *  *

The next morning, even with my dreams still fresh in my mind, their memory still only took second place to emptiness that came from the blackness. I didn't get out of bed until the others realized that I had no plans to get up. Brock literally had to drag me out. I didn't feel like making the usual morning routine either, but after several stern words from Mom, I decided that I didn't really have much of a choice. The rest of the day just went on by without much happening. At least, if anything was happening, I didn't notice, nor did I care. By lunchtime, I think everyone was tired of me acting that way…

"Ash…" Misty said, the tone of annoyance obvious in her voice.

We were sitting next to each other, but I hadn't really noticed until she started talking to me, and even then it was hard to pay attention.

"…Ash, are you listening to me?"

I murmured a small sound in reply and helped myself to another spoonful. She sighed.

"Whatever happened in there must really have you spooked, huh…?"

_…Spooked…?_

I shrugged.

"…What _did_ happen anyway?" Brock asked, "I mean, Dr. Marshall told us what he knows but…I dunno, it looks like there was more to it than just being more receptive to sleepwaves than normal…"

_More receptive?_

I shrugged again.

"It sounds dangerous," Mom said, "Maybe you should stop seeing him…"

"…Wasn't his fault…" I muttered.

She looked sharply at me. She was surprised I think. "What did you say, honey?"

I looked up at her. "It was my idea."

"Wh…at?"

I looked down at my food again, but didn't eat any. "I wanted to try Dream Eater…I thought maybe…maybe that would…" I bit my lip. I could feel hot tears forming in my eyes, but I couldn't figure out why…

Everyone was stunned into silence. Misty gave me a little hug.

"A…Ash…Dream Eater…is supposed to be an _attack_…" Brock stammered finally.

"I know that," I said bitterly, "but I didn't think it would matter. How much more can it hurt, you know?"

I stuck some more food in my mouth and swallowed it before continuing.

"Besides…what if I hadn't woken up from that Hypnosis spell? Would that really have been so bad…?"

"_Ash!_"

Mom actually _stood up_ at that. I blinked up at her, surprised with her fervor. Brock, Misty and the Pokémon looked at her too, but I don't think they were as surprised…

"Ash, listen to me," she said with harsh gravity, "You are _not_ going to talk like that. You're not even going to _think_ things like that. Do you hear me?"

I couldn't say anything. How could I agree to letting her decide what I was and wasn't going to _think_?

"Ash!"

I looked back at my food and decided to just worry about that. Across the table, the tension was burning hot…

"…Misty, I give you permission to pinch him…" Mom said in a low voice.

"…What…!?" Misty asked in surprise.

"To remind him that he's awake…"

"Uh…"

_Awake…Oh yes…Being awake is so much different from being asleep…Like I really care anyway…_

Mom continued fuming to herself. I was actually a little surprised that Misty hadn't just gone and used her mallet, but on the other hand, she usually doesn't have anyone _tell_ her to do those things…

"…Excuse me, Brock…" Mom said quietly. I knew that tone of voice…I knew it very well…It wasn't a _good_ tone of voice, to say the least…

"Uh, sure!" Brock said. He stood up to let her out of the booth.

Mom walked over to me and pulled me up by my arm.

"Let's go, Ash," she said, still using _that_ tone of voice.

"…Um…go where…?" I asked, hoping to get by with my natural innocent act…Of course…it's gotten a bit rusty over the years…

"Let's just _go_," she suggested. She paused before completely leaving the table and dropped some money on the table to pay for our lunch. "Sorry about this," she said to everyone else, then proceeded to drag me outside.

Once it was just the two of us, she let go of my arm, but I knew better than to try to bolt for it.

"…Um…Where are we going?" I tried again.

"It doesn't matter."

I gestured towards Dr. Marshall's office. "But my appointment's in um…really soon."

"It doesn't matter."

"……Oh."

We kept walking until we were a ways away from the Pokémon Center. I recognized the park from three days ago when we got lost trying to find Dr. Marshall's office. Mom led me to one of the benches and sat down. I sat down too…

She sighed and stretched her arms out like she was yawning. She stared up at the cloud spotted blue sky. After what seemed like the longest time, she turned to me, all traces of anger replaced by sorrow. I realized that we had probably taken such a long walk just so she could cool off.

"I'm sorry, honey," she said sadly, "It's just that…when I hear you saying these things I just want to…I don't know…"

She smiled sadly and looked out at the park. A trio of Pidgeys hopped in the grass, pecking at the ground, searching for who knows what…

"…I just want you to be happy…" she continued, "You know that…"

I nodded, "Yeah…"

"This whole deal…with the nightmares…and the psychologist…and now that hypnosis…and then today I hear you say that…"

I felt her hand find mine and grip it tightly.

"It's scaring me, Ashura…" she whispered, "I'm so afraid…"

"Mom…" I said, trying at the same time to comfort her somehow and also remind her not to use that name…

"…Is Dr. Marshall helping any…?" she asked softly.

"Uh……I don't know…Not really, I guess…"

She nodded.

"…But…it's only been two days, right? These things are supposed to take time, right…?"

She laughed quietly. "But you've never been that patient, Ashura…"

"_Mom_…"

"I'm sorry…" She sighed and looked at the sky, then at me again. "Dear…maybe seeing him was a bad idea…I…was a little hasty. I was really scared when you came home like that…Maybe it would be easier if we tried to work it out for ourselves…? I don't want you trying anymore stunts like that…"

"It wasn't a stunt, Mom…He's done it with other patients before, I'm sure…We never even got to try _my_ idea…"

"That's good," she said, nodding.

"Mom!"

She smiled at me. "Ash dear, I know you're capable of coming up with good ideas…That just wasn't one of them…"

I groaned.

She stood up, and I had to too, because she was still holding onto my hand like her life depended on it.

"Come on, now. We don't want to be late, do we?"

"…I think we already are…"

            *  *  *

As is typical with doctor's offices, it made absolutely no difference that we were late. We still had to wait for a good ten minutes before they let me go in to see him.

The first thing he did after we'd all sat down was apologize. A lot. I had to stop him for fear that that would be all he did for the whole hour.

"Look, it's okay, Oliver…It's not your fault. You didn't know it was gonna happen…"

"Yes, but…I feel so bad…"

"It's not your fault," I repeated.

For some reason, right then I felt more like the therapist than the psychotic. He smiled at me. I think he could tell.

"Thanks, Ash," he said, "…Now I suppose we'd better get down to business…?"

"…I guess so…"

"Well…" he said, getting ready to write in his clipboard, "I think we'd better start off with what happened yesterday, unless there's been any new developments that you'd rather discuss…?"

"…No, that's okay…"

He nodded. "All right…Why don't you tell me what you experienced after Hypno put you to sleep…?"

I was quiet for a while, trying to think of how to describe it for him…I could sense that was going to say something, so I made sure to talk first.

"It was…" I said slowly. I thought for another moment. "…very…black…"

"Black?" Oliver inquired, writing quickly on his clipboard.

I nodded. "Yeah…Black…I've never seen anything so black…"

"And you remember this all clearly?"

"Very clearly…"

"Can you tell me anything else about this…?"

"…It was cold…I was scared at first…"

He nodded and wrote for a while before asking another question. "You were only scared at first? What made you stop being scared?"

I thought about this. "…Well…nothing really…I guess I just kinda got used to it……It was kinda nice actually…"

"…It was nice?"

"Yeah………While I was there, I couldn't have any dreams…I was kind of protected from them…" Before he could say anything I corrected myself. "But not really in a good way…I mean, any way's better than none, but…I think that blackness is where the dreams are coming from…"

"…Are you sure?"

"Pretty much," I said, nodding, "…I got the same feeling from the blackness that I do from my dreams…but stronger…"

He looked concerned. "And you felt that this…blackness…was better than the dreams?"

"Yeah…It's more consistent…You know, like if I was able to stay there, everything would be fine……"

His writing slowed and gradually stopped. He was staring at me like I was a wounded Eevee or something.

"…Would it be fine, Ash?" he asked quietly, "Would it be fine to still be in that blackness…?"

"…Yeah…it would…" I replied calmly.

He gave me a sad look then turned his attention back to his clipboard where he wrote for a long time. When he stopped, he sighed and looked up at me.

"Ash……If, and this is just if, I have no intention of actually doing this again, I were to have Hypno hypnotize you again, and you went back to that black place…and we couldn't wake you up…"

"Chu…"  
_'No…'_

Oliver gave Pikachu a sad smile. "…Ash, wouldn't your friends and your mother be sad…? Would you want to do that to them?"

_Never…_

I looked down. I didn't want to admit it, but…that was exactly what Mom had been trying to tell me today…so it had to be true…

"…I…don't want to……but I think…they'll understand…because they'll know that I'm better off……"

Oliver couldn't even start to shake his head before Pikachu jumped onto my shoulder and gave me a small spark from his cheek to mine. I jumped a little.

"Pikapi! Pikachu!"  
_'Ash, don't be ridiculous!'_

"Ridiculous…?"

"Chu…" he nodded.  
_'Yeah…'_

Oliver smiled. "I think maybe you'd better pay attention to your Pikachu…"

"…Maybe…" I said, giving Pikachu a small smile.

"Pika."  
_'That's right.'_

When he finished writing again, he looked at me thoughtfully. "Well, Ash, how well did you sleep last night? Did you have any of those dreams…?"

_How can he ask that so casually…?_

I didn't answer him right away, but I eventually had to nod a yes.

He nodded too. "I see…" he commented and wrote on his clipboard, "…Was there anything different about them?"

"……No, not really……"

He nodded again. "Well…Is there anything else you want to tell me…?"

"…Not really…"

"There must be _something_…"

"…I doubt it…"

"…Can you tell me what happened in your dream?"

I didn't answer him at all that time. It wasn't worth it.

"Ash…?"

"…What…?"

"Aren't you going to tell me-"

"…No…"

"…Why not?"

"I dunno."

"…There must be a reason…" When I didn't reply, he continued, "Is it too painful for you to talk about?"

I gave him a wry look.

_He's getting so desperate. I guess we haven't really gotten very far at all…_

"Yeah, that must be it."

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you not sure?"

"Look, it doesn't matter, okay? Just forget about it. I'm fine."

"…Ash…To answer that, I have to say that I think it does matter, I can't forget about it, and I really do doubt that you're 'fine.'"

"Well, what are you gonna do about it then?"

He sighed. "That's what I'm trying to figure out…It would be much easier if you would cooperate…"

"I'm doing my best, doc."

"…Doc…?"

I groaned. "Forget it…"

He looked at me doubtfully for a moment then concentrated on writing in his clipboard. When he was done he looked up at me again, doubt still covering his face. "I think that's part of the problem, Ash. You really aren't cooperating as well as you should, or possibly even as much as you think that you are. If we're going to get to the bottom of this then-"

"Maybe Mom has the right idea…" I muttered to no one in particular.

Oliver blinked. "What…?"

"Mom said that maybe I should stop seeing you…" I paused before checking his reaction.

He looked both flustered and bewildered, which is really quite an amusing combination…

"Wh…Why would she say that…?" he asked after recovering from his initial shock.

"'Cause you're not doing anything, and she's afraid something'll happen to me like it did yesterday."

"That…"

"Wasn't your fault. I know." I rubbed my temples. I was already tired from the lack of any _real_ sleep over the bask three weeks, and today had been even worse than usual, probably because of that little hypnosis incident. To put it quite frankly, I was exhausted, and Oliver wasn't helping any.

"All you all right?" he asked in concern.

"…Yeah…" I sighed, "I'm just really tired…"

He nodded. "I just want to talk to you for a little longer and then you can go back to the waiting room and rest."

"Okay…" I sighed.

"Ash, perhaps you're trying to cope with these dreams in the wrong way…"

_…What?_

"Over and over I hear you say how you want them to just…stop, isn't that right?"

I nodded slowly.

"Ash, things like that don't just go away overnight. It's going to be hard to get rid of them, and it's not going to happen soon. In the meantime, I think it would be best for you to learn how to deal with them so they don't disturb you as much. Perhaps then, you may even learn how to completely ignore them so they are as good as gone."

_…Are you nuts…?_

"Do you think you could try that…? I'll help you, of course…"

_Don't you think I've already tried?_

"…Ash?"

I shrugged. "Sure…"

He gave me some instructions and advice on ignoring my dreams, but I found it was just getting easier to ignore him…

            *  *  *

This time, he only invited Misty and Brock into his office for a little while, then sent them back to the waiting room and kept talking to Mom. It looked like Misty and Brock wanted to ask me more about whatever he'd told them, but I wasn't up for it.

When Mom finally came out, she had a small smile of triumph on her face. I watched her curiously as she walked over to me and offered her hand to help me up.

"Let's go back to the Pokémon Center and pack up," she said warmly.

"Pack up? What do you mean?" Misty asked.

"We're going back to Pallet," Mom replied with a smile.


	12. Insanity

Chapter 12  
"Insanity"

It turned out that Mom hadn't really given up completely on Dr. Marshall. They had both just come to the agreement that daily appointments weren't helping and they'd scheduled the next one for a week later.

            *  *  *

We'd only been out of Viridian for about five minutes when an all too familiar smoke effect filled the path and three shadowed figures appeared before us.

"Prepare for trouble!" shouted Jessie. (It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.)

"And make it double!" James added.

They continued on with the rest of it, finally ending with a "dramatic", "Meeowth! That's right!"

"Team Rocket…?" Mom asked.

"You heard our motto, miss," Jessie replied with a grin.

"Now let's try out our brand new Pikachu-proof, model X-1555 super amazing deluxe special, limited edition-!" James started rambling.

I sighed. I had a headache, and a bad one at that. These three were not helping _at all_.

"I don't feel like it," I interrupted.

All heads turned to stare at me.

"Wh-what are you talking about?" Jessie asked haughtily, "It doesn't matter what you feel like! We're going to take Pikachu no matter what!"

"That's right!" James said, "And we're going to do it using our brand new, Pikachu-proof, mode-"

"Meowth! That's enough!" Meowth growled, jumping up and kicking him in the back of the head.

I groaned. My head _really_ hurt, and the last thing I wanted was a pointless battle with Team Rocket.

"…Fine…" I sighed.

"Fine what?" Jessie demanded.

"…You can have Pikachu."

"_Ash!!_" yelled every single of my companions.

"Piiikaa!??" Pikachu squeaked loudly.  
_'What!??'_

"You heard me," I said, nodding to Team Rocket.

Jessie, James and Meowth stared at each other in surprise, then turned back to me, obviously confused.

"What are you talking about?" Jessie asked, "You don't mean to tell us you're just going to _give_ us Pikachu, do you?"

"Actually, that's exactly what I mean."

"_Pikapi_!" Pikachu cried in protest and jumped into my arms.  
_'_Ash!_'_

"But-but-but…" James stammered.

"I don't know what ta do," Meowth said strangely, "I feel weird."

After a moment of silence, Jessie burst into laughter. James and Meowth stared at her, and I felt it was safe to assume that everyone else was too…unless they were still staring at me…

"This is too rich!" she cackled madly, "We spend the past five years trying absolutely _everything_ imaginable, trying to get this goddamn Pikachu, and the twerp finally buckles under and decides to _give_ it to us!"

By then, tears had started streaming down her face, but she continued to laugh on and on like that. James continued to stare at her, and Meowth looked sick.

Finally, Jessie took a few gaping breaths to calm herself. When she did, she pointed at me the way she had so many times before.

"Now hand over that Pikachu, twerp!" she ordered, still breathing hard.

"Just how long have you been waiting for this moment…?" I asked calmly.

"Too long. Don't make me wait any longer. We _do_ still have that brand new Pikachu-proof-"

"Alright, alright already! You get Pikachu."

"Piii!!?"  
_'Noo!?'_

I set Pikachu down and gave him a light shove in Team Rocket's direction. He stared at up me with tears threatening to fall.

"Ash, don't do it!" Misty finally screamed at me.

I shrugged. "We don't have a choice."

"_Yes we do!_ If you're not going to fight them, then I will! Togetic-!"

"Misty!" I shouted back at her. She stopped in mid-point and glanced at me. "Just butt out okay!? Pikachu's my Pokémon, and I'll do what I want with him!"

Even Team Rocket was shocked into silence. They all stared at me for the longest moment. Finally, Misty spoke in the lowest whisper.

"You've gone crazy, Ash…"

I shrugged a "Maybe" and turned back around.

"…Mrs. Ketchum!" Misty yelled in near hysteria, "Your son's gone crazy!"

Mom didn't reply. I guessed that she couldn't think of one…

The shouting really _was_ driving me crazy though. I was ready to tear my head off if they didn't shut up and let my headache go away instead of making it worse.

I looked at Pikachu, who stared at me almost in fear.

"What are you waiting for?" I asked him.

Pikachu looked over his shoulder at Team Rocket. I guessed that they probably didn't look like too bad an option at the moment.

"…Pika…"  
_'…I…don't…'_

Team Rocket finally snapped out of it and began cooing at Pikachu like he was a baby learning how to walk.

"Come here, Pikachuu…!"

Pikachu glanced at me again, probably wondering if I was sane yet.

"…Go, Pikachu…"

"…Chu…" he sighed.  
_'…Okay…'_

Pikachu walked to Team Rocket, one step at a time. I could always count on Pikachu…

Misty grabbed my arm forcefully and turned me so we were literally face-to-face.

"Ash, stop it!!" she growled, "You can't do this! If you really don't want Pikachu that badly, then just let me take care of him! Don't give him to Team Rocket! _You can't do this_!"

I growled back and pushed her away from me. "Just _shut up_," I hissed.

She stared at me in shock and hurt. "…Ash, what is the matter with you?" she asked.

"Nothing…"

Jessie couldn't wait any longer for Pikachu to walk to them and snatched him up then held him up over her head gleefully.

"_We did it!_" she shrieked happily.

"Alright!" James squealed, then paused to reflect, "We didn't really _do_ anything, Jess…"

"Who cares!?" she cried, caught up in the moment, "We finally got Pikachu!"

Meowth jumped up and landed on both their shoulders. "This is the day when Team Rocket finally comes out on top!" he laughed.

"You're right!" James exclaimed, "Let's celebrate!"

"We can go to an enormous buffet as soon as the boss gives us that raise we've been waiting for!" Jessie grinned.

The sound of a Pokéball being opened came, followed by a white light and a big blue Pokémon appeared and saluted Jessie.

"Wobb! _Buffet_!" he announced.

Jessie glowered at him for a second then recalled him. "I wasn't talking about _you_, Wobbuffet," she muttered. I could tell that definitely wasn't the first time Wobbuffet had done that.

The small interruption was quickly forgotten though and they went back to planning their feast with building excitement.

They looked so happy…It was almost a shame…

Pikachu let himself be held by Jessie and didn't struggle at all, but I could see by the way his ears, tail and face were sagging that he wasn't happy about all of this at all.

"I hope you're happy about this, Ash…" Misty muttered.

I ignored her and kept watching Team Rocket.

"Hey, you guys," I said, "Turn this way."

They did so, if only to look at me questioningly.

"What do you want now, twerp?" Jessie asked spitefully, "If you think we're gonna give Pikachu back now, you're wrong."

"It's not that," I said and shook my head for emphasis, "It's just…This is your moment of glory isn't it? You should take pride in standing there right now with Pikachu."

"The twerp's got a point," James said, glancing at Jessie wide-eyed.

"Maybe…" she said.

"Come on you guys!" I said, "Gimme your best victory pose!"

"Why? You got a camera?" Meowth asked.

"No, but I want to remember this moment in my mind. Don't you wanna look your best?"

They exchanged glances, then after some quick shuffling in which I think Jessie added more makeup, they stood together at odd angles, grinning stupidly and flashing my famous V for victory sign. I started to wish I had a real camera with me, because even if this really wasn't the big moment of glory, they sure thought it was, and their honest joy was something I'd been told many times that I had, but I'd never actually seen it so clearly in someone else before.

In the middle of the group, Jessie held Pikachu, who was staring at me with quiet grief.

_Alright…They've had their moment…Now it's time for mine…_

"Pikachu," I whispered. His ears twitched at his name. "…Zap Cannon…"

He nodded once, then shut his eyes and quietly charged his energy. When he was ready, he let it all out in one huge blast. There was no way he could miss at such a short range. I had made sure of that.

As the Rockets were sent airborne, I heard them scream in confusion then finally they yelled out, "It looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again…!"

Pikachu dropped a short distance to the ground, shook himself, then ran to me. I caught him with open arms and hugged him close.

"Good job, Pikachu," I whispered.

"…Pika…"  
_'…Thanks…'_

It was quiet behind me…Too quiet…I turned around. Misty was fuming at me. Mom and Brock still looked like they were in shock.

"…You're insane, Ash Ketchum," Misty stated finally.

I laughed a little and turned to Mom. "I hope you have some aspirin," I told her, "I have the worst headache ever…"

            *  *  *

I did feel a little better once we got home. Not that that was saying much. The first full day back wasn't much different from any other day since the dreams…

            *  *  *

"Ash…?" Misty's voice came from behind me.

I was sitting on the front steps, watching absentmindedly as Totodile performed an impressive water show after I had told him to water the garden. Like always, he'd gone beyond expectations and was not only watering the plants, but he was watering himself, Pikachu, me, and all the while executing a long chain of tricky dance steps. At first, Pikachu had gotten up the nerve to try to dance with him, but after tripping over plants and slipping in the mud one too many times, he'd given up on keeping up with the hyperactive alligator Pokémon and was content to sit and watch with me.

I didn't look up at Misty. She seemed a little uncomfortable because of that, and descended the two steps so she was in front of and next to me.

"Misty, can you climb trees?" I asked, still watching Totodile in a detached manner.

"Wh…Yes…Why?"

I stood up and yawned. "I'm bored. Come on."

"Um…"

I turned to Totodile. "Keep it up, Totodile. Mom's gonna pleased as punch when she sees what a great job you're doing."

"Tot!" he responded happily.  
_'Yeah!'_

To Pikachu, I said, "Make sure he doesn't overdo it, okay?"

"Pikachu!" Pikachu said, giving me the thumbs up.  
_'Alright!'_

Misty watched me as I walked around the house and followed to catch up when I reached the back. I'd already begun to find the familiar foot and handholds on my ash tree. I reached up to the lowest branch and hoisted myself up, then looked at Misty and wondered whether she was going to do the same. She had the most skeptical look on her face as she stared up at me with her hands on her hips.

"Just what do you think you're doing, Ash Ketchum?" she asked.

"I told you. I'm bored."

I found my grip on the trunk again and stood up.

"Ash, be careful!" Misty shouted in alarm.

I winked at her. "There's nothing to worry about, Mist. I've done this so many times…I know this whole tree like…an old friend…" I pulled myself up from branch to branch. "Besides," I added, "the branches aren't so far apart anymore…"

"Yeah, but when was the last time you climbed this tree…and can those branches still support your weight?" she asked. When I looked down, I saw that she had already begun to pull herself up onto the lowest branch.

_Good old Misty…_

"…I'm sure they can," I replied and patted the tree with one hand, "Ash's been doing some growing of its own…"

Her head snapped up in complete befuddlement. "What did you say?"

"I said as-…Oh, I guess you didn't know…This is an ash tree."

She glanced around at the tree. "It is?"

"Yeah, see the way it branches out and the shape of the leaves and the texture of the bark and stuff…?"

"Um……I guess I don't usually pay that much attention to trees…" she admitted sheepishly.

"Me neither," I told her. By then, I had long since found a comfortable branch high up in the tree and was just sitting there waiting for her to catch up. She did finally and sat herself on an adjacent branch.

"…Wow…" she said sofly, "This is a great view…"

"Yeah…Even better than the last time I was up here…" I patted the tree branch again. "We've both gotten taller…"

Misty was quiet. I could tell she was looking at me, but I tried not to let that bother me.

"…Did you really just want to come up here because you were bored, or did you want to show this to me…?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Both I guess…"

"…Thanks…"

I glanced at her. She was smiling and admiring the view. I decided to do the same. It really was a nice view…You could see all of Pallet Town from up there…I shivered slightly. I had deliberately put myself in this position, and I had no right to feel any regrets about it then.

I closed my eyes. Before I started climbing, I hadn't bothered to check the base of the tree…but I didn't have to…I already knew what I would see there from real memories I had as a child…

"…Ash, don't fall asleep, or else…um…that won't be the only falling you'll be doing," Misty warned me.

I blinked my eyes open. "Huh? I wasn't going to sleep…"

"Well, you looked like you were, and if you fall…" She let it hang.

"Do I look sleepy to you?" I asked.

"…Yeah…"

I gave her a sidelong glance. "I don't feel sleepy," I lied.

"…Maybe not…" she shrugged, "…you always look it though."

"I do not!" I said indignantly.

"Yeah you do," she nodded, "You look so tired all the time…"

"I do not!" I repeated.

"And just how would you know?"

"Huh?"

"Do you look in a mirror 24/7?" she asked.

I blinked. "No…but…"

"Then how would you know?"

"Who cares?" I asked and moved to climb down, but I slipped.

"_ASH!!_"

Somehow, instinct overcame panic and I grabbed out with both hands and ended up hanging with each hand tightly grasping a different branch. I blinked and stared down past my feet. Even if I hadn't been able to grab onto those branches, the ones below me probably would've broken my fall…I wasn't sure that would've been good though…

Above me, Misty audibly breathed a sigh of relief.

"Ash, be _careful_," she hissed.

"Um…Sorry…"

She growled at my apparent lack of concern.

I focused on the closest branch below me and swung over to it, then let go of the other branches and landed clumsily, almost slipping again.

"_Ash_!"

"Sorry," I said again.

Like Misty suggested, I was a lot more careful the rest of the way down, and she followed just as carefully. She landed on the ground with a thump and glared at me.

"Don't try that again," she stated.

"…Don't try what…?" I asked, "If you mean climbing that tree, forget it…"

It was her turn to blink. "Forget it? You mean you're not gonna climb it anymore?"

I shook my head. "No, I mean forget trying to get me not to…Ash and I go way back…"

She gave me a weird look. "Why do you call it 'ash' like that's it's name…?"

"You mean it isn't?"

"Uh…Well, I mean…" she lowered her voice, "Isn't that just a little weird…?"

"Hey, I'm sure you're not the only Misty in the world either…"

"That's not what I meant…" she groaned.

We started walking back to the front door and she tried again.

"Were you named after a tree?"

"Uh…" I glanced at her, a little unnerved by her question. "…Not really, but I'd like to think I was…"

When I saw the look of curiosity in her eyes, I knew that was a bad answer.

"What were you named after then? Actual ashes?"

"No…"

"What then?"

When we got to the porch, I recalled a tired but proud Totodile and let Pikachu climb onto my shoulder.

"…Nothing…" I sighed finally and opened the door to let us in.

            *  *  *

That was only after the first day. That night things started to get bad…Any sense my dreams might have made in the past completely vanished. When I woke up the next morning, I wasn't sure I could get up. It wasn't the same as the last time that had happened though, with the blackness. Instead of an intense feeling of emptiness in me, I felt filled with…nausea is the best way to describe it I guess.

Pikachu was the first one, other than me of course, to notice it.

"Pika pi?"  
_'Are you okay?'_

"…A little…"

"Pika!?"  
_'What!?'_

"…I…really don't feel very good…" I groaned.

"Pikaa…?" he asked, putting a paw on my forehead.  
_'You sick…?'_

"I dunno…"

"Piii…" He went into a thinking position.  
_'Hmm…'_

On the floor, Misty rolled over sleepily. "Ash, are you awake?" she mumbled.

"…Yeah…"

She sat up and blinked at me owlishly. "'Kay," she said, "I was wondering when you were going to…"

She stood up and stretched, then ambled over to me. She blinked in surprise when she saw me. "Are you okay?"

"A little…" I repeated. This conversation sounded familiar.

"Are you sick?"

I groaned and forced myself to sit up before she could try to check my temperature.

"I hope not," I muttered.

"Me too…"

"Pika."  
_'Same here.'_

I moved to get out of bed and Misty pondered to herself, "Strange…You seemed fine yesterday…"

"…Yeah, but you know, sometimes these things just pop up overn-"

I froze.

"What?"

"…overnight…" I whispered shakily.

"What…!?" Misty exclaimed, "Ash, you're not trying to tell me that this might have something to do with-!?"

"My…dreams…"

I hugged myself and lay back down again, slowly. I was shivering like it was the dead night of winter…

_This is exactly like…This is exactly like…_

"Ash!?"

"Pikapi!"  
_'Ash!'_

_The chill. These feelings…Even these dreams…It…It's starting to make sense now…_

_Is this…?_

"Ash, snap out of it!" Misty cried, literally trying to shake me out of it.

"Pikapi!!"  
_'Ash!'_

I turned and stared up at her. She almost looked like she was going to start crying if I didn't say something comforting…but I couldn't lie to her…

I searched through my mind for something…anything…but I felt like I was trying to find secure ground in a cloud. When I tried to focus on her face again, it really did look like I was in a cloud…

"This is how it…comes…" I breathed…It sounded like I was saying those words, but I couldn't remember telling myself to say that…

"Wh…What comes…?" Misty asked softly.

"…Death…"

The mist thickened and filled my mind with nothing but pure white. In the distance, I heard a fading voice cry out my name…and then there was nothing.

            *  *  *

I didn't die, to my dismay…I _did_ succeed in scaring the hell out of Misty and Pikachu.

When I came to, the first thing I noticed, other than how much my head _hurt_, was that _everyone_ was crowded into my room. Misty was in _tears_…I don't think I'd ever seen her like that before. Togetic stood on her shoulder and cried too. Mom was trying her best to comfort her. Mimey was trying to comfort Mom. Pikachu was lying across my chest. The first one to notice that I was awake was Brock. He was standing close to me and watching me. He grinned broadly when our eyes met.

"Hey, Ash."

"Uh…hi…"

Misty's weeping made a drastic change to nothing but a few sniffles when she saw me. She lunged forward and shouted my name angrily. I cringed, waiting for whatever punishment she had in mind for me. Instead, she fell on top of me with a vicious hug, almost crushing Pikachu between us. "Ash, don't you _ever_ scare me like that again," she sobbed.

"Piiiiiikaaaa…!" Pikachu screeched, small volts of electricity sparkling through it.  
_'I can't breeaaathee…!!'_

"Neither can I…" I whispered and hoped Pikachu wouldn't get desperate enough to try a Thundershock.

"Huh? Oh…sorry…" Misty let go of both of us and wiped away tears.

Behind her, I could see Mom, who looked like she wanted to hug me too, but couldn't, because Misty was in the way. Pikachu crawled over me and rested himself against my face. I set a hand on his back.

"How long was I out?" I asked softly.

"About ten minutes…" Brock replied.

"That's it!?"

He nodded.

_Only ten minutes? Then how come Misty was…?_

Then I remembered the last thing I said to her…

_No wonder she freaked out…She thought I was gonna die……_

I looked at Misty in a new light…I wanted to apologize, but I couldn't…I hadn't really done anything…

"Pikapi…" Pikachu sighed quietly. It looked like it was going to be difficult to separate him from me…not that I really minded…

"Ash, do you know what happened…?" Mom asked.

I turned to her. "I…" I felt myself tremble and shook my head no.

She nodded in understanding. "Can you get up?"

"…I think so…"

Still holding Pikachu to my shoulder, I pushed myself up with my other hand. Brock helped me up the rest of the way.

"Are you hungry?" Mom asked.

After only a second's consideration, that nauseous feeling returned, and I shook my head.

"…You sure?"

I nodded.

"…Alright…Why don't you come to breakfast with us anyway? Then if you change your mind…"

"…I don't think I will," I moaned, "but I'll come anyway…"

            *  *  *

I couldn't eat anything all day, because of that nauseous feeling. I didn't want to move either, but Mom insisted that it would make me feel better in the end. I couldn't tell by the end of the day, but once I was back in bed, sleep came swiftly and stole me away.


	13. Memory Long Forgotten

Chapter 13  
"Memory Long Forgotten"

_Oh, no…_Please_ no…Please…This can't be…It can't!_

I opened my eyes, breathing raggedly. I wanted to cry and I did.

_So that's what they are…Those aren't dreams are they? What was the word…?_

"Seeings…" I whispered, "…Damn it all, those things are real!"

"…Ash, is that you…?"

_Misty…_

I heard her get up and walk over to me. She looked concerned.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

_Feel…? What's that?_

"…Ash?"

_The dreams are real. The dreams are so real…_

"Ash!?" Misty cried in alarm, then her voice faded out into nothing.

I looked inside for another memory. A memory I had long forgotten…

            *  *  *

_"Hungry…Need…food…"_

_"Oh, Ash! You haven't done a thing all day!"_

_"I know, Misty, but I haven't eaten since breakfast…"_

            *  *  *

I could remember. A challenger asking for me by name. A battle, and an easy one at that. I saw my first Donphan, but I didn't know what it was at the time. It didn't matter. I just had to beat it, and I did.

Then we had lunch. Brock's lazy-boy-no-chew stew. It was good. Something made the table explode. A Dragonite. The first one I saw that was the right size. It gave me an invitation with a little hologram of a woman in it. I was invited to meet the world's greatest Pokémon Master. I was going to meet the person who held the very title that I dreamed of. I said yes.

It was raining really hard when we got to…Old Shore Wharf. We were soaked by the time we made it to the port. Pikachu got us even wetter.

Officer Jenny and the harbormaster told us that we couldn't take the ferry to New Island, but a lot of other trainers went anyway, using their Pokémon as rides. I wanted to follow them, but we couldn't…

A couple of Vikings helped us across. We got hit by a wave and Team Rocket's costumes fell off…

            *  *  *

_So they helped out even then…_

"Ash…?"

I tried to focus on the silhouette above me.

_Mom…?_

I closed my eyes and let myself be taken by the memories again.

            *  *  *

_"Prepare for trouble!"_

_"Make it double!"_

_"Forget the motto we're about to-AHHH!"_

_The biggest tidal wave I'd ever seen bore down on us. I was knocked off the boat. I couldn't tell how deep I sank, but I couldn't make out the sky. Pikachu was still clinging to me somehow. I released Squirtle and he was able to find Misty and Brock. I told them to stick together. Misty held my hand tightly so I wouldn't get lost. We tried to ride the waves at first, but that was too hard. We dove under the water and swam there, where it was easier. It was hard to hold my breath that long. I heard Squirtle say to head for the surface. Soon the air hit us and I was able to breathe again. The first thing I saw were stars filling a cloudless night sky. With a second look, I saw that we were surrounded by a ring of clouds, but above us was clear._

_We floated to the dock and were greeted by the same lady who was in the invitation…Brock said that she looked like Joy. I guess she kinda did. She led us to the main room. Only three other trainers had made it…_

            *  *  *

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know…He doesn't have much of a temperature…but……"

Quiet…I couldn't tell if it was because they had stopped talking or because I was leaving them again…

            *  *  *

_"This is Mewtwo, the ruler of New Island and soon the whole world."_

_Pikachu was scared of Mewtwo. He could feel…a darkness radiating from him. I wasn't sure if I could feel it too, but something about Mewtwo…It wasn't right. It made me angry. I wanted to fight him._

_He demonstrated his powers early on. I'd have to be crazy to do what I wanted to do._

            *  *  *

"Has he woken up yet?"

"…Not really…Look at his eyes…Do you think he can hear us right now?"

"……Maybe…"

I thought I felt a cool hand on my cheek.

"Maybe we should call someone…It could be really serious."

"…A hospital?"

"Maybe."

"…I don't think he's _that_ sick…"

            *  *  *

_"Shellshocker!!"_

_"This looks bad! You'd better forfeit, Ash!"_

_"…I'm not giving up."_

I _can't_ give up. Someone has to win against Mewtwo…

_Charizard vs. Charizard. A battle of speed, not power…I was scared for him. Charizard held out longer than the other two originals, but soon, he fell too._

_Mewtwo stole Charizard. I didn't know what was going on at first, but it got pretty obvious. Mewtwo used strange flying Pokéballs that didn't look anything like Pokéballs to steal our Pokémon. He even took the real Pokéballs when I tried to save Squirtle and Bulbasaur by calling them back. Pikachu lasted the longest. I tried to save him by following him up the spiral ramp, but it was no good. He fell. I jumped, trying to protect him. A Pokéball hit him. I grabbed the ball but lost it when I hit the water. I followed Pikachu down a tube in one of the columns._

            *  *  *

"…Wake up, honey…"

"Pikapi…"

"Still not awake?……How long has it been?"

"Too long…"

"Hours…First thing he did this morning was pass out…"

"Did you call Dr. Marshall?"

"…Yeah…He said Ash is probably sick, and there's nothing he can do about it."

"Do you think he's right?"

Something cool was placed across my forehead.

"…What do _you_ say, Ash?"

            *  *  *

_Team Rocket…What were they doing here…?_

_"I don't have time for your stupid motto today!"_

_I dove for Pikachu. The machine grabbed at me, trying to pull me off. I couldn't let go. I ripped at the machine with all I had. No one can take Pikachu from me._

_I freed Pikachu and destroyed the machine somehow. All the clones left, and then the originals were freed. Squirtle and Bulbasaur came back…_

_There was only one thing left to do…_

_Mewtwo had to be stopped…_

            *  *  *

"Pi, pika pikachu. Pika, pika pikachu. Pi, pika chaa…"

"…Ash?…Can you hear me…?"

"Pika…"

"…It almost looks like he's awake, Pikachu."

"Pikaa…"

"…I guess not…"

            *  *  *

_"You can't do this. I won't let you."_

_It's useless to challenge me._

_"It's not gonna end like this, Mewtwo! We won't let it!"_

_I turned my hat back. I couldn't have it in the way._

_"You're mine!"_

_I didn't care how strong he was. He had to be stopped. Even if no one else stood a chance, I had to at least try. _I _had to try._

_I couldn't touch him. Not on the first try. On the second, he stopped me. I was lifted off the ground, and I was flying backwards, to what I didn't know, but it seemed like he could have me flying forever. Something stopped me. A pink bubble. The creator of that bubble was…a Mew…_

_Mewtwo wanted to fight Mew. It didn't look like Mew wanted to though. It was strange. Why wouldn't Mew want to fight Mewtwo when he was doing this? Wouldn't Mew want to beat him and make him stop…?_

            *  *  *

"…He'll wake up when he gets hungry enough…"

"…I dunno…He didn't eat _anything_ yesterday, and he's still not awake…"

"…We should call a real doctor…"

"…Maybe…"

            *  *  *

_"_Pikachu!_"_

_They were fighting…but they really fighting…not the same way I'd seen Pokémon fight before…They were going to kill each other…So many Pokémon were going to die…even Mew had joined in the madness…_

_…and I was supposed to _watch_ them?_

            *  *  *

"…Here's some food…"

"Thanks……Ash, you want some……?"

Something warm was in front of my face…It smelled…nice…

"Is he waking up!?"

"Eat it, Ash…please…"

The warm thing touched my mouth and opened it gently…

            *  *  *

_"Someone's gotta take a stand…Someone's gotta say no…and refuse to fight……like Pikachu…"_

_Pikachu was the only one out there who wasn't fighting…Pikachu…was the only one who was winning…_

_Mewtwo and Mew flew above, equally matched, just like everyone else…Then they crashed into the center of the stadium, blowing everyone else to the sidelines…It was silent as the lights went off…_

Silence…? What happened to all the fighting…?

_I looked…all the Pokémon…_all_ of them…too weak to stand…to move…almost too weak…to live…_

No! I can't let this happen! Mewtwo will do the same thing to every other Pokémon out there…_I can't let him…_

_I stood up and started running. I ignored the pain in my legs and the calls of my friends. Someone…had to do…something…I wasn't going to wait._

_"You've gotta stop right now!" I shouted. I had to be heard…I had to…"_STOP!!_"_

They're gonna hit me…

_I could barely remember the slightest twinge of fear at that thought…_

No, it doesn't matter…as long as they stop……

            *  *  *

_What…Is…that…all…? What just happened!?_

I felt my eyes open, slowly…I was still in my room…

"ASH!"

I saw Misty's face flash above me, but Mom's replaced hers even faster.

"Honey! You're alive! I mean, awake!"

_I didn't die, did I?_

"Pikapi! Pikaa!!"  
_'Ash! You're okay!!'_

_Okay…_

I heard Misty run around Mom so she could see me too.

"Say something!"

"…Uh…"

Misty grinned at me and everyone else in the room. "Yay! He's back to normal!"

_What…!?_

I groaned and tried to sit up, but I fell back with a sudden spell of dizziness. Mom immediately went back to her fussy mode and pulled my covers back up and felt my forehead.

"You haven't recovered yet, dearest," she said gently, "Now why don't you rest for a while and I'll go get you something to eat, okay?"

I just nodded weakly.

"Alright, you don't worry about a thing. I'll be right back…Bye honey!"

_Bye, Mom…_

She left in a hurry, leaving me with just Misty and Pikachu.

"What time is it…?" I whispered.

"Mm…" she glanced at my clock, "About 7:45. Closer to eight, actually…"

"…AM or PM?"

"PM, ninny."

"Oh…"

"Trust me, if it was AM, you'd be in a hospital right now…"

_Huh?…Oh yeah…_

She sighed and leaned over me. "So…how do you feel?"

"…Okay, I guess…"

"Mm…Were you just really tired or what?"

_…I wish I could say I was just really tired…_

"…Or what…" 

Misty was quiet for a moment, then lightly drew her finger on my chest.

"What-?"

"…You need to change your shirt…" she said absentmindedly.

I glanced down, but of course I couldn't see the part that she was touching. I moved my own hand and she moved hers out of the way. In the spot where she had been, I could feel that my shirt was rather cold and wet…

"…What?" was all I could think of to say.

She giggled a little. "We tried to feed you while you were sleeping, but that didn't turn out too well…So then your mom said we at least had to get you something to drink and ummmm…"

"…You spilled it, didn't you?"

"Uh-huh…"

"…_I'm_ supposed to be the klutz around here, remember?"

She giggled and moved my hair out of my face. "Don't worry. You still are."

I made a face and she laughed more. Pikachu giggled too and jumped on my head. Misty yelled playfully at him since he had messed up my hair again but Pikachu just laughed at her.

Mom came up soon with Brock and offered me something really light to eat. At first, I was glad, because until I saw the food, I hadn't realized just how hungry I'd gotten. Once I got started though, I began to wonder…

_What's the point?_

Then I remembered something else and turned to Misty, Brock and Pikachu…Especially Pikachu…

"Hey you guys…Do you remember…um…New Island?"

They gave me funny looks.

"No…" Misty said slowly, "…I've never heard of it before…"

"Me neither," Brock said.

"Pika."  
_'Yeah.'_

"…Not at all?"

"Nope."

"…Do _you_ remember it, Ash?" Brock asked.

"Huh?" I glanced at him. "N-not r…I mean……Not until………" They looked at me expectantly. "…Are you sure you don't remember?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," Misty said affirmatively.

Brock and Pikachu nodded as well, which made me confused.

_But you'd think with all that happened that they'd remember……You'd think that _I_ would've remembered too…What…happened…?_

"Ash?" Misty asked. She sounded a little worried.

_Is this just a dream? Am I just dreaming right now…?_

"Pikapi?"  
_'Ash?'_

I opened my eyes again.

"I…"

I shook my head. Why tell them that I could remember, if they couldn't? It's not like they would believe me anyway…I was the psychotic, right?

_But…what I saw today…those weren't dreams, or even seeings. Those were real memories…but…I couldn't remember them until I woke up today…Did the dream do that…?_

_The dream…_

_…The dream! That's right! I almost forgot…_

_No…_Not_ dream…"Seeing"…That's what they are…seeings…What was it that he said…?_

_"__Seeings are glimpses into the past, the future, the present, and the possible in general. What has been, what will be, what might be, what might have been, but it's impossible to tell until the dream becomes a reality."_

_…I know my dreams aren't what has been…or what will be or might be, because they all take place in the past…_

_…What might have been…_

_…That all could've really happened, couldn't it…?…It could…_

_What if it did?_

_…What does it matter? Either way, I'm getting these seeings…but I'm no psychic…Why…?_

_And why do they hurt? Why do they hurt so badly…? Why do they make me feel like…like……I'm dying?_

_…Am I?_

_What will happen if I do?…When will it happen? I…I need to…know…_

"_ASH!_"

I blinked and shook my head quickly. Misty was shaking me pretty hard. She looked ready to whip out her weighted mallet.

"…Tonight…" The word just slipped out of my mouth. I couldn't tell where it came from, but…I knew that somehow I had answered my own question…

"What!?" Misty screeched.

I shook my head again. I felt a little disoriented to say the least.

"What…?" I repeated.

Mom had grab Misty's arm to stop her from swinging the mallet of doom at me.

"Misty, he's not well!" she reminded her in alarm.

Misty glared at me then finally sighed and put it away. "Quit spacing out, Ash!"

"S-sorry…" I said quickly, realizing that my 'sickness' was the only thing that had just saved me from a lot of pain.

Mom let Misty go. "Are you okay, honey?"

"A little…"

"Are you tired?"

"How could he be tired!? He was sleeping all day!"

Mom shushed her. "We don't know if he was really sleeping…He looks tired to me…"

They all looked at me. I held my head in my hands. I wished that I could just go and tell them I was tired, but I was actually more scared than anything.

_Tonight?…What do you mean "tonight?"…Am I gonna die tonight?…Is that what you're trying to tell me…?_

_Who am I talking to…?_

_What…I…I'm confused…_

_What's going on?_

Mom moved her hand to my shoulder and gently but firmly pushed me back so I was lying down again.

"Just rest, honey…" she told me.

I nodded, but I didn't want to rest…


	14. Escape From Doom

A/N: Hi! I'm back! Anyone who bothered checking my profile (yeah right) knows that I've been on vacation since my last chapter. Heheh…Well, due to circumstances that I've pretty much been bringing upon myself, I'm going to officially slow posting the posting rate for this fic! *cue gasp*…Yes, you heard right. No more once a day postings. Deal with it. *^_~*;; It's either that or I can cut chapter length in half so they're more like EC & MMW length…

On another note, I think it's fair to say that the introductory section of this fic has officially ended at chapter 13. If you don't know what's going on by now, then….heheh…you have…some…reading to do…cuz there's kind of a dead giveaway in this chapter…*^_^*;;;; Enjoy the fic!

Summary: Can Ash escape from the doom that he can feel coming, and is it even coming in the first place?

Chapter 14  
"Escape From Doom"

They'd finally gone to bed…I was forced to make small talk with them up until that point, and I didn't really get a chance to figure out what was going on. I did have plenty of time for that while I was waiting for them to fall asleep though…

I was tired from talking to them, tired from watching them sleep, tired from pretending to sleep, tired from not sleeping…but I couldn't sleep. Not until I figured out what the dreams were…

_No, not dreams! Seeings. I have to remember that…_

_Well, that's one thing down. I know that these 'dreams' are actually Seeings…I know they're things that might have happened…_

"Not might. Did…" The words came out of my mouth lower than a whisper, but I hadn't said anything…No, I didn't want to say anything…but I did…somehow…

_In one reality or another…_

_Okay, so they _did_ happen…and now I'm Seeing them…I don't know why though…_

"Tonight."

_What?!_

"It comes tonight…"

_What comes?_

"You know."

_I know…?_

_…I know…_

_……No…_

I suddenly re-remembered where I had heard that before. Earlier, I'd been wondering when the dreams, seeings, whatever, would kill me…and I'd answered…Tonight…

_Tonight…_

"The dreams…"

_Tonight in the dreams…_

"It comes."

_…Death…_

I nodded.

In any other situation, I would've been seriously worried about my mental health, but that was the last thing on my mind.

_Tonight…Tonight I'm going to die…_

That was it. Finally, the cold, hard truth had come right up and smacked me in the face.

I was going to die.

_But I don't wanna die…I don't want the dreams to kill me…There's gotta be another way…_

…I waited, but no words escaped me.

_I don't want the dreams to kill me…_

_…I won't let them. If I have to die tonight, then fine…but I'm not gonna let the _dreams_ take me._

I checked to make sure Pikachu and Misty were still asleep, then carefully got out of bed. I bumped Pikachu slightly on my way up, but he just shifted slightly and mumbled to himself. I was a little shaky trying to stand, but it wasn't important. What was important was coming…

I left my room, trying to be as quiet as I could in opening and closing the door. In the hallway, the air was cool and still. Dark. No one else was awake.

I was extra careful going down the stairs. I still didn't feel very well, and I didn't want to fall and hurt myself and wake everyone up.

_I'm going to die…I'm going to die anyway…_

I thought about the memories that had come back to me that day. I still hadn't quite figured out what had happened right when I woke up…Those two Psychic attacks…There's no way they could've missed me…so…then……what happened when they hit…?

I couldn't remember for the life of me, but now that I thought about it, I could remember waking up afterwards…seeing Pikachu…hugging him…and then Mewtwo and Mew flew off with the clones…

            *  *  *

_"Mewtwo, where are you going?"_

_To a place where my heart can learn what yours knows so well…What transpired here, I will always remember…but perhaps for you, these events are best forgotten…_

            *  *  *

_…So that's why no one remembers…_

_…but that still doesn't explain what happened…Maybe I just got knocked out…_

I tried to convince myself that that's what happened, but the more I tried, the least likely it seemed. I'd blacked out before, and that…_nothingness_ that I sensed wasn't the same…

_…I guess I'll never know…_

I saw that I had reached my destination…I stood outside the kitchen lit only by moonlight.

_Now…Now it's time…We all have to die eventually…_

I walked towards the counter. The floor was a little slippery underneath my socks.

I stopped by the sink to rest. I felt weak.

_I know now…so I'm responsible for anything that happens because of that…_

I closed my eyes and pulled myself along the counter.

_I know what's going to happen next. Death…I can feel it…It's so strong…I can't let it…I can't…_

I opened my eyes.

_Here._

I looked down and pulled open the drawer below me. Inside was all of our silverware. I looked to the knives. I selected a fairly large one with a fairly smooth blade. I didn't want to used a ridged one…

_…I'm sorry everyone…_

I closed the drawer and looked at the knife. I forgot what kind it was. I never paid attention to those things. I would just eat.

I took a deep breath.

_There's no turning back this time._

I held out my left wrist palm side up and pressed the blade against it without actually cutting my skin. It was very cold to the touch.

_Don't think about it. Just cut, now!_

In the time it took to blink, I know because I blinked, I slashed. When I felt the knife hit the two thin bones right at the skin, I felt my arm stiffen and the knife simply slid across the surface. I stared down at the thin red line I'd left on my wrist.

_…Not dead yet…_ I realized and felt myself pale at the thought.

I set the knife against the line again.

_I guess I have to try again…_

"_Pikapi!!_"  
_'_Ash!!_'_

I glanced to my left. Pikachu stood in the doorframe. He stared at me, aghast. I softened.

"Pikachu…Go back to sleep…" I said quietly.

"Pika!!"  
_'What are you doing!?'_

I shook my head. "Don't worry about it…Just go to sleep, Pikachu…"

"Pikapi!!"  
_'Ash!!'_

_Pikachu…You don't need to see this…_

I pointed back to the bedroom with the knife. "Don't stay here, Pikachu. You don't need to see this…"

Pikachu hopped towards me. I looked at it sadly and pressed the knife against me again.

"Go to sleep," I tried again.

"Pika…"  
_'No…'_

I cut again. Deeper. Harder. It hurt more that time. I felt tears of pain sting my eyes. When I looked at Pikachu again, I saw the same thing in his.

"Pikachu…"  
_'Stop it…'_

"…I can't…" I whispered.

"Piii…" Pikachu whispered back. Tiny sparks flew from his cheeks.  
_'Yes you can…'_

I shook my head and carefully exchanged the knife from my right to my left. It was harder to grip with my left, but I managed somehow.

The line on my wrist had gotten deeper and thicker with the second cut. Now thin lines of red fell from it. They cooled quickly in the night air, chilling my skin.

"Pikachu!!"  
_'Don't do it!!'_

I finally had no choice but to ignore him and slashed at my right wrist. I had to hit with all my strength, because I didn't have much left, especially in that arm. The knife tapped against the bone then almost sliced into it. Hitting at almost the same time was a quick Thundershock, but it was unable to stop me. I looked down and saw that I had two red lines now, one on each wrist. The one on my right was only about half as thick as the one on my left.

"_Pikapi…!!"_ Pikachu cried, tears falling freely now.  
_'_Ash…!!'

_I'm not dead yet…Why not…?_

"_Ash!_"

I looked up and staggered from that movement. Someone else in the doorway…

"…Mom…?" I asked softly.

Mom didn't stop like Pikachu did. She came right up to me. I tried to cut again before she got close, but she grabbed me by both arms and kept the two away from each other. She twisted my left slightly, and I dropped the knife with the new, sudden pain. It clattered on the floor and came to a rest.

I made myself look at her face. It was hard…to get my eyes to focus…and to identify where she was…I could feel myself crying…

She was holding my wrists very tightly, right across the lines. From what I could tell through the darkness, my tears, and the slowly fading reality, she looked like she wasn't sure whether to shout at me or cry too. I think she decided to do the second.

"Ash, what were you doing…?" she asked quietly.

I couldn't answer her. I just couldn't. I didn't want to.

"…Pikachu, go get the roll of bandages from the bathroom…" she said.

"…Pika."  
_'…Okay.'_

I heard him scamper off to be replaced by more sets of footsteps and voices. I could recognize them if I wanted to, but I didn't…All I wanted…

I pressed myself against her chest and hugged her tightly. I didn't want to let go. I didn't care if anyone saw, and I knew they were. I didn't feel like Ash Ketchum, Pokémon Master. I didn't even feel like Ash Ketchum, the lost and confused Mew. Right then, I was Ash Ketchum, the scared little five-year-old who knew he'd messed up and didn't know how to make it right.

Her warmth was comforting. It was comfort that I desperately needed and was afraid to lose. It touched something deep inside of me that I'd thought I'd lost…

Pikachu came back with the bandages and Mom held me still so she could wrap them tightly around my wrists. The pressure added more pain and I wanted to fight against it but couldn't. Instead, I watched meekly as she snapped off the last bit of tape and secured it on my skin. I wanted her to hug me again. I needed that warmth, that comfort, that false sense of security that everything would be alright. I let myself fall into another embrace, and she held me close, comforting me with soft whispers and a gentle rocking.

The others hovered about, asking worried questions and tried to talk to me. I didn't listen to them. I couldn't even recognize them. Mom got them to leave me alone. I was glad. I wanted them to leave me alone. They were strangers to me.

"…Ash, are you alright?" Mom asked finally.

I shook my head no.

"…Why did you do that, honey?…Didn't it hurt?"

I nodded.

She hugged me tighter. "I don't want you to get hurt…"

_…Too…late…_ I thought, trying to find the courage to speak it.

"…and above all…" she whispered, "…I never want to lose you……ever…"

I knew I had to tell her. I had to…but I still couldn't find my voice…I didn't want to find it…That would be giving up this brief lapse back to innocence…I wanted to keep it as long as I could…

"…Are you going to be okay…?"

I shook my head.

"Oh, honey…" she exclaimed softly, her voice betraying her strained emotions. She held me and stroked my hair, just like she did when I was little. I wanted to be little again. Nothing was ever so scary as this when I was little…Mom always said that I was brave…I wanted to be brave…

"Aren't you tired?" she whispered.

I hesitated, then nodded.

_I don't want to be tired, Mom…I don't want to…go back to sleep…Please don't make me…_

"…Why don't we go back to bed?" she suggested.

I shook me head, slowly at first, then more fiercely.

"No…" I whispered.

She looked at me, surprised. "Why not?"

"I can't go to sleep…"

"…Why not…?" she asked again, gently.

Fresh tears found their way to my cheeks. "I'm gonna die, Mom…I'm gonna…" I could feel my throat collapse on itself, halting my words.

"Wh…Ash…You're not going to _die_ just by going to sleep…"

"Yes I am," I whispered, choking to get the words out, "…Yes I am…"

"Don't be silly, honey…" she said quietly, rubbing my back.

I swallowed a sob. "Mom…?"

"Yes, dear…?"

"I don't wanna die…"

Her hand moved slowly and found mine. She held it up so she could see my bandaged wrists.

"…I don't want you to either…" she answered softly.

I looked at her, tears still coming from my eyes. "I know…That's why I have to…have to…" I looked at my arms. "…do this…"

Her gaze found mine. I saw confusion and worry mixing on her face.

"What are you talking about…? That doesn't make any sense, dear…"

"Yes it does," I insisted, "If I want to save my life…I have to……end it…"

She brought me back to her side. "Ash, you're still not feeling well…It's been a long night…I can only imagine how exhausted you must be…"

"Don't let me sleep," I whispered.

"…What?"

"Don't let me sleep," I repeated, "If I sleep then…then the dreams will come, and I'll die…You can't let me fall asleep…!"

She didn't answer right away. She didn't believe me…?

"…All right…" she breathed.

"…Thank you…"

She just smiled sadly and gave me a little squeeze.

"…If you don't want to sleep, I guess we could watch tv for a while…" she sighed finally.

"Okay…" I nodded.

She helped me to the living room and we sat down on the couch. She turned on the tv and put it on mute. We were watching some movie…with four boys walking on railroad tracks…I don't remember much else, I wasn't really paying attention…Mom kept me warm and sang a quiet lullaby. I asked her to stop once. I told her it wasn't helping me stay awake. She apologized, but after a few minutes started it up again…I never got a chance to protest the second time…

A/N: This is a bit late and a bit stupid of me on my part, but I just figured out why the heck Ash didn't die…Um…he was cutting the wrong way…What? Don't give me that look! He _was_! That's why he kept hitting bone…Just letting y'all know…(sorry, but it took a while for me to figure that out okay…? Erm…thanks to Joshua Falken for unintentionally pointing that out to me…) *-_-*;;;


	15. Living In Death

Chapter 15  
"Living In Death"

I…I think I woke up…I couldn't really tell…I couldn't really…feel…anything……I, I felt…I felt dead…

_Dead?…Yeah, that's it…I died…I knew I was going to die…Now…Now I'm dead…_

I shuddered slightly.

_So this is what it's like to be dead?…Should…should I be scared? _Am_ I scared…? I…_

I let my mind drift back to what I'd seen in the seeing last night…The seeing that had caused my death…

_No, I've been dying since the beginning, remember? It just wasn't until now that it finally just went ahead and _happened_, _I corrected myself.

I wasn't the only one who died…but it was still my fault that they did…that we all did…Everything that happened…my fault…

I knew I was awake…breathing…I could almost feel my friends in the room with me, but I couldn't see or hear them. I just knew they were there. I didn't know if they knew that I was dead. I decided it didn't matter much. They would figure it out eventually…

Instead, I focused on the dreams, the Seeings…and when night came again, I found myself back within them, living them out through death. The cycle seemed to endlessly repeat itself. I couldn't keep track of how many days passed by. It could've been anywhere from one to…who knows? I doubt that it was more than two weeks though, otherwise I probably would've woken up in some sort of hospital and not my bedroom.

In my dreams, I could see myself as a living ghost, with no purpose but to ensure that the rest of the world became like me. When I woke, I stayed the same, but my purpose changed. Instead of simply watching myself dealing out horrors, I _remembered_ them, pounding the visions into my memory. A new part of me knew that this pain that I felt was important…And how painful it was…Never…_Never_ have I felt _anything_ as painful as what I felt during the time that I was fully trapped within my dreams and my death. I found myself horrified by what I was realizing through my new seeings. I was scared, saddened, and shocked by it all. Most of all, by the pure _truth _of it…It was so real. More real than anything I'd experienced before. More painful than anything in the world. Even when I "woke", the events from the night played over and over again in my head, detailed and real. _So_ real…Every time, the pain was fresh and new. This was nothing like what I had experienced before, with the other seeings, before I had realized what they truly were. This was a harsh, brutal reality. It tore me up each day, leaving just enough left over to tear apart again the next night. I could _feel_ the seeings in my body and in my heart and in my mind. There was no hiding from the seeings. There was no mercy in their _attacks_.

And the tears…The tears that flowed forever…It was a wonder I didn't drown in my own tears. Not a day, an hour…a _minute_ when I did not cry, if not on the outside, then with full strength inside. Not a second when I was not wracked by pain.

Torture…That's what any mortal would call it, right? Ah, but I was no mortal. I was already dead. Dead people don't feel any pain.

…Dead people don't cry either…

            *  *  *

I was getting tired of it all. It wasn't hard. Breathing had long since become one of the most difficult tasks for me, and I don't mean to say that it was the only thing I was doing. The endless crying had just seriously burned out my lungs, and it was a struggle to take every new breath.

The lack of oxygen had affected my ability to see clearly, and I only hoped that it hadn't affected my ability to think at all.

I was getting tired. The pain…still so real…If it was so real…wouldn't that mean that other things were real? If they were real, couldn't I find proof? Wasn't there real proof out there somewhere?

There had to be. I was going to find it.

If only I could get out of bed…

            *  *  *

_Finally…_

Finally I had reached enough consciousness to see…to breathe easier…My tears slowed, but still fell…It was dark…Probably nighttime…

I tried to move. It had been such a long time that it took me a while to remember how.

My arm came first. I moved my left arm over my body to the floor side of the bed. I grabbed the edge and pulled so I had rolled over to face out to the room. Misty and Togetic were asleep on the floor. Pikachu slept on my pillow. I would have to be extra careful not to wake him up…like last time…

I used my other arm to push myself so I was sitting up. It was harder to do than I last remembered. Slowly, very carefully, I moved my legs towards the edge of the bed, then let them drop over the side to the floor. I suddenly realized that it was cold outside my bed. I ignored that and tried to stand up.

Standing up was the hardest part. I couldn't let myself all the way up until I was positive I could stand on my own, otherwise I would end up falling down and that would wake up Pikachu or Misty or both.

After many half tries I finally built up the courage to take my hands off the mattress and stand for myself. I was still a little wobbly, but I was able to support my weight and that was good. I moved my leg to try to take a step forward and almost fell on top of Misty. I held my breath to keep from shouting in surprise, then waved my arms rapidly until I regained my balance. When I was back safely on two feet, I took a deep breath and tried again, very slowly. The first step was successful. I tried for another with the same results. I seemed to have walking down, so I relaxed a little and carefully made my way out of the room, one step at a time.

I walked that way all the way downstairs, across the living room and to the front door. Once there, I opened it and stepped outside.

I breathed in sharply. The night air was chilling to my skin. As I gazed out at the dark streets, I realized I didn't really have any idea where I was going, and that it might take a while to find out. As prepared as I was, traveling would be very difficult.

I went back inside and found my shoes by the door where I always left them and put them on as quickly as I could, which wasn't very fast, since I had trouble manuevering my fingers to tie the laces. I realized with a sudden pang that I had forgotten my hat as well, but that was upstairs and I didn't want to risk waking anyone up…My jacket was also in the room, so it looked like I was going to just have to get used to the cold…

I stood up, having finally finished tying my shoes, and went back outside. That's when I realized that everyone was probably going to be worried when they woke up and saw that I had disappeared overnight after being mostly unconscious for however long I was mostly unconscious. I sighed again, went back inside to the kitchen, and found a pad of sticky notes. I grabbed the pen next to it, wrote out a quick note, then pulled it off and stuck it on the table. I knew better than to put it on the refrigerator. There was already so much stuff there that one more piece of paper wasn't going to be noticed right away. My note was somewhere along the lines of:

            "Gone for a walk. Be back sometime."  
                        Ash"

I figured that was all they needed to know. I didn't really know where I was going or how long I was going to be gone, so why should they? While I was in the kitchen, I grabbed as many non-perishables as I could jam into my backpack and proceeded to stuff them in there. The last thing I needed on this "walk" was to run out of food…Satisfied, I went back outside and closed the door behind me. Thankfully, I couldn't think of anything else I needed, so I simply continued out into the night.


	16. The Path Not Traveled

A/N: Hey all! Been a while, ne? Well the length of this chapter should more than make up for the shortness of 15, I should hope. And if you're curious about the title, it's a play on Robert Frost's "The Road Less Traveled". I couldn't call it a road though, because there is no road, but Ash is taking the path _not_ traveled, rather than the one _less_ traveled. Get it…? *^_^*;;

Chapter 16  
"The Path Not Traveled"

It was quiet in Pallet Town. Then again, it's always quiet in Pallet Town, except when someone decides to throw a party and invite _everyone_…but that's besides the point.

The streetlights were few and far between, but I could see well enough. I knew the entire town by heart anyway. I wandered down the dark streets. Most of the lights in the houses were off. I wondered if I was the only one awake in the whole town. It was a strangely comforting idea.

I approached the edge of town rather quickly, maybe too quickly. Once I was definitely outside of Pallet Town, I took one last look back. I wasn't sure when I would come back again. I wouldn't return until I knew for sure how long that would take, or even where I was going to go to find out.

I sighed and stared out at the darkness that lay outside Pallet.

_It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how long it takes, just as long as I find out…or die trying._

I took a deep breath.

_Here goes nothing…_

I wandered without paying attention to where I was going. Logic told me to head for Viridian, but I found myself heading in a different direction somehow. I didn't care much. As long as I was heading somewhere I would be okay.

I left the trail early on and eventually found myself deep in a part of the woods that I'd never seen before. I didn't keep track of how long it took to get there. It could've been within the same night, or several nights later. It was dark and peaceful, but even in the middle of the night, I could tell that it was full of life. It felt strange, though it shouldn't have. The forest is _supposed_ to be full of life, right? This was different somehow. Maybe a little too lively, or a little too peaceful.

I stumbled through another bush. Small spots of red and yellow flashed before me. I yelped in fear, then saw what had scared me. I wasn't able to relax much. In front of me was a Persian and five Meowth kittens. It was safe to assume that the Persian was their mother, and if she thought I was threatening her kittens, I'd be in a lot of trouble.

Seeing the cats vaguely reminded me of something that I _had _forgotten when I packed for this trip…my Pokémon…

She made a low rumbling noise and whispered to her kittens, then raised her head and looked directly at me. Her ears flicked forward, and she nodded slightly, then turned and moved silently into the underbrush. Her kittens shot wide-eyed glances at me before padding after their mother.

_What are they doing…They're not scared of me…It's almost like she wants me to follow her…_

Feeling more than a little clumsy compared to the six felines, I tromped after them through bushes that insisted on popping up without warning. I was able to follow the cats only because the Persian kept making low hissing noises and her kittens mewled occasionally, probably because they were having almost as much trouble following her as I was.

I finally saw them again when we came to what looked like an ordinary clearing at first. With a second glance, I noticed a huge cliff face jutting out of nowhere. It extended forward and backward to my right. I couldn't see where it ended, but I wasn't sure if that was because the forest was blocking the view or because it just didn't end.

The Persian stood protectively over her kittens as they wove through her legs. She kept sharp red eyes fixed on me with an intense gaze. I shuffled nervously, but I couldn't look or move away. The Persian finally nodded again, just slightly, and delicately lifted her paw.

_What…?_

When she was sure she had my attention, she turned her head slowly until she was gazing up at the mountaintop. Her kittens eventually did the same, and so did I. The mountain was enormous to say the least. I couldn't see the top. It rose up and faded into the sky, turning from a slate gray into a pale gray-blue as it blended into the clouds. The slope never lessened. It stayed at what must have almost been a perfect ninety-degree incline of sheer rock.

I glanced back at the Persian. After a moment, she turned back to me. She meowed quietly, then nudged her kittens, rumbling softly all the while, and herded them back into the woods.

I watched them leave, dumbfounded by all that had just taken place.

_Did that Persian just lead me here on purpose? Does she want me to up the mountain? Why would a wild Persian do all of that anyway?_

I tried to set all doubts aside and took a few steps closer to the foot of the mountain itself. About five to ten feet away from the base, the ground became soft and muddy. When I stepped in it, my foot started sinking immediately, so I jumped back a safe distance.

_Quicksand?…How am I supposed to get past that?_

I checked behind me in case the Persian was still there and had a solution, but both her and her kittens were long gone.

_Well, this is great…_

I stared down at the sand again. It stretched as far as the mountain did and hugged it all the way. The clearing-like strip of grass stayed next to the quicksand too, so there was no way to use a tree to climb over it.

_I guess I could try walking through it. What's the worst that can happen? I might die or something…Nothing new…_

I took a deep breath and took a step out. Again, I started sinking, but I didn't use as much pressure as before, so I only sank an inch or so.

_So far so good…Now…should I run and try to get there fast, or should I take my time so I don't upset the quicksand a lot?_

My foot was getting lower by the second. Maybe it would be best for me to just _go_.

I shivered as a sudden wind blew by, snatching some leaves from the trees. One landed in the sand in front of me. It rustled as the wind tried to pick it up again, but instead, the sand grabbed onto it and began sucking it into the ground. My stomach flipped when I started to imagine it doing the same to a living creature with a bit more weight…such as me…I turned away and noticed that the wind had also knocked a branch into the sand not too far away. It was obviously heavier than the leaf and was moving more in the wind, but it hadn't sank much at all.

_But that doesn't make any sense…The branch should be sinking faster than the leaf…_

I looked back at the leaf. I couldn't see anything but a small green dot in the sand. I glanced back at the branch and couldn't tell if it'd moved at all.

_I think I see a way over…_

I took a step backwards and unsuccessfully tried to shake the muddy dirt off of my shoe. I decided it wasn't worth it and just walked to the area where the branch was. I tested it with one foot first. I hardly made a dent in it. I tried pressing a little harder. My foot went a little deeper, but the sand offered no assistance. I reassured myself that it was relatively safe and the branch was still in the same spot, and I took another step into the mud and froze…Nothing…Another step…Still nothing…I kept going, very slowly, until I passed the branch and finally made it to the other side. Of course, the other side happened to be the foot of a very, very, tall mountain.

_Is that cat still gone?_

I strained to look over my shoulders, but there was still no sign of the Persian.

_I guess I'm on my own from here…_

I turned back to the mountain and set both hands against the rock. It was cold and smooth to the touch. I searched for a hand or foothold but came up short.

_Maybe if I reach higher…_

I tried standing on tiptoe to look for a handhold that maybe I couldn't see. I thought I found a tiny ledge, no more than an inch or so, so I made to grab it and slipped on the mud and into the quicksand. In a panic I clutched at the wall of rock and tried to make my fingers stick to it. I also managed to kick somehow, and found myself falling lower into the sand. I ended up kicking the wall and after getting over a suddenly sore toe, I realized that I'd found a foothold under the sand and jammed my foot in there. I kept pressing my hands against the flat rock and pulled myself up, slowly and a little painfully. 

Once the sand was no longer a problem, I shifted over the muddier section and tried again to find a handhold. I found one somehow and that began the impossibly long climb to the top. It never got any easier to find foot and handholds, and as I got higher, the temperature seemed to drop dramatically with every foot. What was worse was the intense wind that never seemed to die. It only kept getting stronger, threatening to throw me off the cliff to the earth below. When I got nearer to the top, the wind and rock was replaced by a heavy mix of ice and snow. The cliff face seemed to want to freeze my hands onto it and never let go. The snow and hail that fell from the clouds that surrounded me felt like they were trying to break, bury and suffocate me all at once. As pure coldness began to take over, one thing became clear to me. There was no way I was supposed to survive through this. None…

_Why don't you turn back?_

_…I've come this far…There is no turning back…_

_You'll die._

_Dead people don't die…_

My entire body was numb from the ice and snow. I couldn't see my nose in front of my face because of the thick clouds and all the snow that swept around me. I kept moving, or at least I tried to think that I was moving. It was impossible to tell for sure. I couldn't feel anything…I couldn't see anything…My other senses were useless to tell. I concentrated only on moving, hoping that that would be all that it would take. I could've fallen and still tried to keep on climbing for all I that I could tell where I was.

I don't know how long I was climbing that mountain. It could've been a few hours…or a day…or more…I didn't realize that I didn't need to keep climbing anymore until long after  I was already rolling down the side. Sharp-edged rocks jabbed at me as I fell. Each new tear brought a little more feeling to my all but frozen body. By the time I was fully aware of my pain, there wasn't anything I could do to stop myself from falling anymore. Cuts, large and small, criss-crossed over me, some becoming more patterned, and others just getting larger. It all ended quite suddenly when I finally crashed into a small field of very sharp mini-mountains. I hit my head on the side of one, another one decided to stick itself into my back, and some more scratched up my arms and legs quite nicely.

I laid there for a moment, gritting my teeth as the pain continued to catch up to me, and tried to assess the damage. I craned my neck to look at myself. I wasn't anywhere near a pretty sight. My clothes and skin were veiled with red. I'd probably broken several bones. I was lucky that last hit to my back had been cushioned by my backpack and missed my spine and vital organs. It was hard to move, but to my surprise, I still could. I twisted carefully, so I wasn't lying on that spike anymore. I had to throw my hand down to support myself, and ended up slamming it down on a dozen even smaller spikes. I cringed as they pierced my skin, but held fast. The ground seemed to be made out of spikes. I could either put up with it or give up and just wait for my body to die.

_I've gotta get outta here…_

I'm not sure exactly how I did it, but I was able to half crawl through the spikes and reached the edge of a grassy field. I picked myself up delicately and stood, barely able to support myself, but I did anyway.

_…By all means, I should be dead by now…I should've been dead a while ago…but I'm not…_

I took a while to catch my breath and tried to ignore the new coloring on my torn shirt and pants.

There was something about this place…Just something…Even the air seemed…refreshing…

I finally looked up and out at my new surroundings. The mountain was behind me, but now I could see that it actually formed into more of a ring. The whole thing circled around a huge field of green and other colors which were probably flowers. In the distance, I could make out a tree. Beyond that, maybe miles away, was a small forest. A river tumbled down from one of the peaks and pooled into a lake on another side of the valley. If I looked closely, I could see things moving in different areas of the whole place.

_Where…am I…?_

I took a step forward and nearly fell over. While I was busy looking around, I'd forgot how hurt I was. I tried again, slower this time. The earth and the grass was soft underneath me, a welcome contrast to what I'd just left.

I kept walking and concentrated on taking deep breaths to make up for the blood I was losing. If I blacked out, I knew it wasn't likely that I would ever wake up. I didn't want that. I knew I was close to finding an answer. I could feel it…so strongly…

Around me, though I couldn't waste enough energy to take the time to look closely, Pokémon romped through the fields. None of them tried to come close to me. They all seemed to be scared of me. They kept so far away I couldn't make out any details. I thought I saw a herd of Mareep though.

I was stumbling and shaking by the time I reached the big tree I'd seen from the edge of the mountain. I went right up to it and didn't hesitate to lean against it and slide to the ground. I sucked in every breath like it was my last, because it very well might be. When I opened my eyes wide enough, I could look back the way I came. It was easy to tell exactly where I'd been…The red trail from me to the mountain left little room for imagination.

_I…did all that…? It's all my…blood…?_

I felt my insides knot up and I slowly rested my head against the bark of the tree and closed my eyes.

_I…really…should be dead right now…_

I rested and concentrated on staying alive as long as my luck would hold out. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself looking up into the branches of the tree. The leaves blocked the light from coming through. Scattered all throughout the tree were large, round fruits of varying shades of color. There were also small, furry, whitish Pokémon hopping through the branches. One dropped down to the branch above my head and stared at me for a long moment. It was a Mankey. Finally, it hooted in satisfaction and clambered off to one of the fruit, picked it off the tree and began eating it.

_Food…Yeah…That should help…_

I shifted and winced as a burning pain reminded me of the wound in my back. I sighed and leaned back against the tree again. The Mankey kept snarfing down the pulp of the fruit that it picked, hardly even pausing to breathe. It was getting juices and little piece of fruit all over its furry face, making it look even more scruffy and matted than usual. The fruit did look really good though…

My stomach whined weakly and I knew I had to get that fruit somehow. I didn't think I could climb up there and get one myself, so I went for the next best thing. I asked Mankey. It responded by snorting through the food on its face after pausing for a brief second, then scooped up a clump and flung it at me. The soppy slime hit me smack in the middle of my face, then began to drip slowly. I licked off the bit that reached my mouth, then scraped the rest off with my hand and looked at it before eating it too…The hit to my face had stained it a little with dirt and some blood, but I was too hungry, and tired, and dirty, to care. From what I could tell through the additional flavorings, the fruit tasted very, very good. Kind of like strawberries, with some melon in there, maybe a bit or orange too, and some other fruits I couldn't name…Basically it was kind of like an elaborate fruit salad all rolled into one…or maybe like one of those fruit sandwiches that Tracey makes, only without the bread…

I licked the last of it off my fingers and looked up at the Mankey, hoping it would throw some more at me, but it was too busy gorging itself to notice that I was done, or maybe it just didn't care. Either way, it didn't look like there was any point in staying there longer. I struggled to stand and found myself fighting off the sudden swirling of the earth, then had to lean against the tree for a good minute until my head cleared enough to walk. When I thought I felt okay, I started off in the general direction of away from where I came. I had the vague feeling that I wasn't walking steadily, or in a straight line, or maybe I wasn't even moving at all. I tried to overcome that, but I couldn't be sure if I was able to.

It had escaped me before, or maybe I just wasn't letting my mind wander enough, but as I walked or tried to, I couldn't help but feel that…I'd been here before…Which was crazy, because I could distinctly remember never seeing this place before in my life…Not to mention that big forest or that crazy mountain that I had to go through to get here. Actually, I didn't think _anyone_ has…I couldn't remember anyone, not even Professor Oak, mention a huge circle of mountains by Pallet Town…There wasn't any way I could've been there before…unless…

I didn't get a chance to continue down that train of thought. Before I tripped, I got a strong feeling that someone was watching me from a very short distance. After I hit the dirt, I only got split second look at a pale form in the sunlight before all light faded for me.


	17. Power Within

Chapter 17  
"Power Within"

I could've woken up. I _definitely_ could've woken up. I couldn't feel any of my wounds, and I felt completely rested. In fact, common sense told me to stop lying there like a Metapod and _get up_. But, like most days, I hate to admit it, common sense didn't win out. This time though, common sense lost to a very unlikely opponent…fear…Not that hanging, oppressive fear that had been with me for the past month, but a new fear, a colder, chilling fear, that fear of myself that I'd confessed to Misty so many weeks before…That fear was asserted in a slow, sudden realization, like a slap in the face.

There's some quote about fear…or a whole lot actually…I'm not sure exactly, I've never been big on quotes, but I don't know if any of them mention how sometimes, or more often than not, the thing to be feared is _not _fear itself, but perhaps…me. Not, not just me, but…I am afraid now…of myself…more than I ever thought possible…I think…I think that's the most reasonable fear…If there's a reason to fear myself, then that fear's all that's keeping me safe…

I don't know what, how, why…but I had another Seeing when I fainted. It was shorter than my usual ones, but I learned so much more from that brief little dream than I'd learned over the course of a month…It wasn't anything that I wanted to know…Scratch that. I _did_ want to know it…until I actually knew it. Then I wanted nothing more than to forget about the whole thing.

Because, then I knew exactly what the dreams were, where, when and who they had come from, and why I was having them…

Me…A possible future…One that that's not possible anymore, but could've happened…A possible future that _I_ had played a large role in making…A future that never should have happened, but it did somehow, and then…it didn't…It doesn't make sense, but that's what happened…Now the protection that I'd given myself to protect me from these memories that I've had to hold has worn off. Completely. I…When I…he…me…us…whoever…brought those memories back to this timeline…he…I…sealed them up so I wouldn't have to know about them…He…hoped that I would never have to see them, but he added another layer of protection that even Celebi hadn't helped with…He put a sort of protective coating around all of his memories. The kind of coating that's like sugar around candy…only it tastes more like dipping a piece of coal in tar. He did that to all of them, purposely leaving me with a long-lasting, horrible feeling during and after each Seeing, which left little room for anything else. I don't know if it ever occurred to him what that would do to me, or maybe that's how he planned it all along. Above all, I think the message he was trying to send me was "Ash, I can't hide everything that happened to me and that I did from you forever, but I just want you to know that I don't ever want to see these things repeated. I'm sorry for burdening you with my mistakes, but you have to do everything in your power to keep what you've seen from being repeated at all. I trust you Ash…"

_"I trust you…"_

I wasn't sure if I should take his…my word for that…From my most recent Seeings, I could tell that he/I didn't trust him/myself very much at all…but then, he/I _did_ make a point to address that last message specifically to _ME_…the me from this timeline and not his at all…

_"I trust you……"_

_…Maybe, but is that really a good idea…? We're still the same person on the inside, right? Why would I be any more trustworthy than…me? What if I made a mistake? Maybe I should finish what I tried to start before…I shouldn't be living…not with what I know, what I've seen…what I've _done_…_

…That's why I was afraid to get up…to move…to make any attempt to return to the world of the living…but my body reacted to my thoughts in the same way it always had…I began to shake and cry, all the while still unsuccessfully trying to force myself into unconsciousness.

"Mew…"  
_'You're awake aren't you?'_

I half jumped even though I was lying on my back. The Mew floating above me also jumped back, but he never touched the ground. In surprise, I blinked at him through tears.

_A Mew…?_

"Mew…Me-!"  
_'I knew it…Oh-!'_

You can't understand that can you? he finished.

_That voice…_

"Actually," I choked out, then swallowed, "I can…"

"Mew!?"  
_'What!?'_

He looked surprised, then thoughtful. Oh yes, I suppose you _would_ be able to…

_What? What's that supposed to mean?_

"Huh…?"

He turned to me again, still floating above the ground.

_Those eyes…_

You made it here didn't you? That's no easy task, even for a Pokémon.

I groggily put a hand to my head and pondered the idea of sitting up. In the meantime, I tried to figure out what he was talking about.

"Where's here…?" I asked.

He studied me for a moment before answering. This is what is commonly called a Mew Sanctuary, legendary even among wild Pokémon. They say only those who have either been born and lived here all their lives, or those who truly need sanctuary will ever find their way to one. Usually, it's an occasional wild Pokémon who's been injured or handicapped in some way that arrives, or a trained Pokémon that's escaped and needs a place to recuperate before it returns to the wild…

"…Do I fall into any of those categories…?"

…No…In fact…we _never_ get humans…We're all located in remote corners of the world where humans would never look, and protected by numerous natural barriers that humans could never pass, and even if they tried, there's a special psychic barrier surrounding the sanctuaries so that even if a human _did_ come close to one, their mind would never pick up on it and they would walk past without noticing. It's happened on several occasions before. However, even if they are wise enough to gain the assistance of a psychically gifted human or Pokémon, they won't be able to find the sanctuary. Even the strongest human psychics are no match for Mews, and Pokémon psychics know better than to reveal the location to humans, assuming that even they are powerful enough to find it.

_He sure does talk a lot…_

"But I just kinda wandered in…"

He nodded. That's usually how it happens with the outsiders…They know they're having a rough time and they just get this feeling that they should be somewhere else, so they get up and go. Then they end up here, guided by instinct and circumstance, and, like you, not always sure how they made it…Now usually, the visitors to my valley find a cave or hidden pass through the mountains instead of climbing over it…but maybe the path just had to be more difficult for you, because you're human and you shouldn't have been able to make it in here at all…

"……So what's that mean? I could've died out there even though I got that…call or whatever…?"

He nodded slowly. …No…but you wouldn't have been the first die on your way in…and I'm not just talking about humans……

"Huh?"

Some Pokémon come upon the sanctuaries by chance. They can feel that it's there, and they want to go in because they know that it's a safe haven for them. But not all of them are meant to enter, and if they don't turn back, then they don't make it through the barriers…

I could barely believe what I was hearing…This…"Mew Sanctuary"…had spared my life over Pokémon's? Even with Mews hating humans and everything, they let me through but not all Pokémon?

"…They…die…?"

He nodded again. It's a simple matter, really…You either can or you can't…Most can't…Most don't even try, and they're better off for that. As I said before, the ones who _can_ are the ones who truly need sanctuary…It's better that the ones who can't don't. The space within sanctuary is limited, and most Pokémon are capable of taking care of themselves in the wild. In fact, most outsider Pokémon leave the sanctuary when they have recovered, because there's no real reason for them to stay longer.

"What…what about me…?"

You?…I don't know about you…You're a special case, that's for sure… He laughed to himself. I also don't usually have to go into such detailed explanations. Most Pokémon couldn't care less…

"S-sorry…"

It's alright…It's been a long time since I've talked to someone like this…

"I can imagine…" I murmured and carefully pushed myself up.

Hm…Oh yeah. We haven't been properly introduced yet. My name's-

"Nekiro."

He stopped in mid-"N" and stared at me with wide eyes. Finally, he stammered, Y-yes. That's correct… and continued to stare at me.

I offered my hand. "My name's Ash, Ashura, or whatever the hell you feel like calling me."

He froze. Ash?…You're not…_the_ Ash, are you…?

_Wha…?_

"…What…What do you mean…?"

I mean _Ash_…The hero of New Island, the boy who rode on the back of Lugia, the chosen one, the superior master, the savior of Celebi…Is that _you_?

"Uh…I didn't know I was that famous…"

So you _are_ him! he exclaimed and fell backwards a little, I can't believe it! _You_ came _here_…? To _me_…?

"Uhhh…"

I'm not sure exactly what kind of reaction I was expecting from him, but it certainly wasn't _this_…In my Seeings, when I first met him, he hadn't thought I was anything special at all. Neither had any of the other Mews. If anything, they looked down on me rather than even call me their equal. Now Nekiro was acting like I was super-famous or something…

_Guess a lot's changed…_

And…And your _power_…It's right about at it's limit…

"My _what_!?"

_I don't think I like the sound of this…_

Your…your…_power_… he stammered, then frowned, You mean you can't feel it?

"…Feel what…?"

He gestured uneasily. The…the power… he tried to explain miserably, I…I don't really know how else to describe it…It's…It's just _there_, in every living creature…Yours is just under your limit…and it's getting stronger…There's no way you can't feel that…

_I don't like where this is going…_

"…What do you mean by 'my limit'?"

Your limit…It…It's kinda hard to describe…Every body has a limit to the amount of power it can hold…When the power exceeds the limit, then…then the body has to change to adjust to the power…

I felt like he'd just thrown ice water in my face, complete with the ice cubes…This wasn't just some small matter he was talking about here…This was……

"…You mean evolve…?" I asked. I could feel my throat tighten up as I forced those words out. It was getting harder to breathe…

Yes… he nodded slowly.

"…So that means, I'm gonna……"

A bitter cold swept through me. My throat finished its constriction and let no air through at all. My stomach turned flipflops until I was sure my face was green from nausea at the very _idea_ of…

_Evolve…? _Me_…? _Again…?

I clutched my stomach and doubled over into a ball. I seriously felt like I was going to throw up…I could almost feel what little food I'd had forcing its way up my esophagus…

Are you okay!? Nekiro asked in alarm.

I couldn't answer for fear that if I opened my mouth, it wouldn't be words that would come out…

_I don't want to evolve…I don't wanna be here…I never should've left home…I should just go back…and forget about all of this…This shouldn't be happening…I don't…want…any of this…_

He watched me for a moment before commenting, …You know, as a human…you would evolve into…

"A Mew," I groaned weakly.

….Y-yeah. How did you-?

I moaned and made myself stand up. "Guess I'm not your average human," I sighed. I started walking past him, hoping to leave the way I came and get back home…

There must've been something about that valley…Just…_something_…I could feel it…not just around me, but inside, just like Nekiro said…It was coming…growing stronger…and it wanted out…

I staggered in mid-step, then had to stop to catch my breath. I could feel it brimming within me…It felt like a hot, white sun inside of me…

_No!!_

The sun spread throughout me, filling me with its heat and light until it was _visible_ through my skin…It crept up my spine and hit the back of my eyes before filling my vision with its whiteness.

I might've screamed…It didn't _hurt_…not right away…It was just an intense heat inside of me that I had to fight with all my strength to keep it from becoming more…but as time passed, it started to _burn_…I couldn't stand up anymore, but I couldn't feel my knees hit the ground either because of the stronger pain of the heat…Even breathing became second priority to keeping my Mew at bay…In the intensity, my sweat evaporated as it was formed…

Ash, what are you doing!? Nekiro cried.

The only reason I could hear him was because he spoke with his mind. The light and the humming and the heat filled my head so painfully I thought it might burst…

Ash!! Just let it go! This is too dangerous!

_…Never…I would rather die…_

You can't stop it…! Your power is too strong. If you try to contain it…

_Fine then…_

_Ash…_

Finally, all of my physical strength buckled under and I fell to the ground and lay limp. The evolution was still fighting, and all I had to fight back with was the sheer force of my will…but white faded to gray and white again, before finally blackness came and soaked up all the white until I was left alone in the dark…


	18. Evolution

A/N: This has been sitting on my computer for um a while…Please don't get mad though cuz I was just hesitant to post it cuz I kept thinking that it wasn't good enough (you know how that is…) and then the WTC was attacked and I just couldn't concentrate…I hope everyone out there is okay…and now here's chapter 18…

Chapter 18  
"Evolution"

…Are you okay…? Nekiro's voice came through the darkness.

I opened my eyes a little and attempted to move so I could see him, but a heaviness like lead weighed me down and also decided to give me a throbbing headache as a side effect, so I didn't move.

"…not really…" I whispered.

Nekiro's white form hopped into my vision. He hunched over like an Eevee so he could see my face better.

…You sure are stubborn… he said gently.

"…yeah…"

His tail meandered over and lightly brushed against my forehead.

Well, your temperature's going down, so that's a good sign…

I closed my eyes and mumbled my agreement.

…I've never seen anyone _not_ want to evolve as much as you…especially not a human…Usually they're so happy that they can become one of the Mews…It's quite an honor, especially in this day and age…I don't understand why someone as qualified as you would want to fight it so badly…

"…I have my reasons…" I said softly.

…You must… he agreed quietly.

I slowly opened my eyes again and gazed at him. My headache had lessened a bit, so the strain wasn't as bad. 

…There's more to you than meets the eye, isn't there? he asked, And not just that you don't want to evolve…You have to have a reason…And also, how did you know my name, when I know we've never met before…and how did you know that humans evolve into Mews…?

"So many questions…" I sighed and closed my eyes again. My head hurt less like that. "…Maybe I'm just different…That's what you always told me…"

Wh…What…?

"…It's…a long story…"

…I'd say we have all eternity if that's what it'll take…

"…Nekiro…"

Yeah…?

"…You're psychic aren't you?"

Yes…

"…Can't you just…look for yourself? I think it'd be easier that way…"

Are…Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to go poking into anything that you'd rather keep private…

"Just go ahead, Nekiro…This is one of those things that…I'd rather not have to keep myself…It's just too much…Maybe it won't hurt so much if I can share it with someone who'd understand…but…be careful…There's some things…you'd probably rather not know…"

He was silent for a moment.

"…Mew-w…" he murmured under his breath.  
_'…Who are you…really…?'_

I felt his tail touch my forehead again, but this time, he did more than just check my temperature…A feeling of calm washed over me and I relaxed instinctively. As he began his search through my mind, I drifted off into a dreamless, hypnotic state of peace…It was soothing to my exhausted mind and body and lasted for a long time.

But nothing lasts forever…Nekiro finally broke the connection and pulled back rather quickly. I opened my eyes to see him staring at me with wide eyes of fear and reverence.

"…You okay…?" I asked quietly.

He nodded slowly, then blinked several times and continued to stare at me.

"…I'm sorry you had to see that…"

…It's…alright… he said slowly, You warned me after all……I have to say…I'm impressed.

"You're what?"

Impressed, he repeated cautiously, that you were able to survive through all of that…

"It was harder the second time around," I told him darkly.

He nodded. Yes, I saw that too…

I shut my eyes and curled up a little…The peace was fading quickly and being replaced by the misery that chose to haunt me…

…Ash?

"…Mm?"

…Ash, you can stay here…as long as you wish…This is a sanctuary after all…and…I think you need…some time off…don't you?

"…Time off isn't gonna do any good…I'll still have my nightmares…"

I don't think so, Ash…I think your…evolution…marked the end of the…Seeings…Your sleep should be fine from now on.

"…What…?"

You just rest…That's all you need to worry about right now…

_…Right………Wait a second…My _evolution_…?_

"Nekiro?" I asked, slightly panicked.

Yes?

"What did you mean by my evolution? I didn't evolve, right?"

When I didn't get a reply, I opened my eyes and twisted around to see him hovering a few feet away with an unreadable expression on his face. I couldn't tell if it was sadness or pity or maybe even fear. I felt a cold dread sink into my heart…

"Nekiro…?" I tried again.

He blinked and shook his head quickly. Just don't worry about it… he answered.

"Nekiro! I either evolved or I didn't! All you have to do is say no…!"

He seemed to bite his lip and looked away. The dread sunk even lower…

…Can't you figure it out for yourself…?

_Huh…? Oh yeah…If I evolved I'll be a Mew, right? But Mews can only say…"Mew," so there's no way I evolved…but then why doesn't he just say that…?_

_Unless…I _did_…but that doesn't make any sense…_

_Well, I guess if I actually _look_, it should be pretty obvious…_

So I did.

_Let's see…I still have hands…_

I touched my face.

_Still the same…No fur anywhere…My clothes still fit…So that means I couldn't have evolved…_

I sat back in relief, ignoring the fact that Nekiro was still giving me that odd look…

That's when I noticed my back felt kinda weird…Not the entire thing, just the lower part…It didn't hurt or anything, it just felt a little…weird…cramped maybe…I felt around there…Something…I blanched…There was something there that wasn't there before…

I grabbed it in fear…Thin, round…Actually…it was about the size of my spine…and that's where it was coming from in the first place…It was a little cramped, because my jeans forced it to bend sharply upwards and then come out from the top instead of just extending straight out…

_No…way…_

I was afraid to look…but I had to…There…behind me…was a long, pinkish-white tail that looked strikingly like a larger version of a typical Mew tail…Right then I wanted nothing more than to just wake up and find that this was all just another nightmare…

_Please let me wake up…_

I looked to the sky and closed my eyes, then opened them after a moment…I was still in that valley, and I was still holding…my…tail…

_I didn't want this…I don't…want…this…_

"Nekiro?" I squeaked.

…Yes…?

"…Is…Is this real…?" I asked, not sure whether I was talking about everything in general, or that I seemed to have grown a tail.

……Yes…

"…Oh man…"

He floated just a little closer. I know you didn't want to evolve, but-

"Did you do this!?" I demanded.

No! he exclaimed, thrusting his paws up in surrender, I didn't have anything to do with it…It's just that…there was no way you could have held all that energy and not evolved…It had to be released _somehow_…

"Why couldn't it just kill me…?" I groaned.

Well…to tell you the truth, when you drained yourself to stop the evolution and then blacked out before you completely ran out of energy, that remaining power was used for your evolution.

"…What?"

Um…well, if you hadn't spent so much energy fighting it off, you might have fully evolved into a Mew…However, as it is…somehow…you only partially evolved…My guess would be that since a tail is the only thing you lacked Mews don't, then that's what you ended up with…It's…very strange though…I've never heard of a partial evolution before…

"…Maybe it's a three-step evolution…?"

No, it's definitely _not_. Trust me, I would know.

_And so would I, _I sadly reminded myself.

"…Yeah……but isn't it a little weird if you think about it? How humans evolve straight into Mews without any middle step…?" I began. I didn't really know why I was arguing the side of the argument that I knew was going to lose, but maybe I felt obligated to, because at the moment I was stuck in the middle and needed some logical explanation…

Like the Magikarp? Nekiro said tightly.

_The…Magikarp…!_

_…He's right…_

"I…I never thought of that……"

The humans are a scarred race. In the past, they _were_ stronger, and it wouldn't seem as strange for them to evolve into Mews……If it matters at all, the Magikarp and Gyarados are the same way, but for a different reason…

"But…But still that doesn't explain what happened to me…"

I know it doesn't, but I don't think anything does…Nothing like this has _ever_ happened before, from what I know…Not even in this valley.

_Huh…?_

"What…What do you mean by 'not even in this valley'?"

He looked at me long and hard before answering. …Every Mew Sanctuary has some sort of linking factor or tendency of all of its inhabitants…The ones here seems to be lowest-stage evolutions and electric types…

I nearly choked at that, on what I don't know, but I did.

Nekiro gave me an odd look. Are you okay?

"Y, yeah…"

When he seemed positive that I was, he continued, …There's something in this valley that makes it unnecessary to evolve, even for Pokémon that would normally only be considered babies…I've seen many a Pichu become proud parents here… He looked thoughtful. Maybe there was more to you arriving in this valley than you happening to know me from another timeline…

My headache was coming back. All of the confusing reasoning probably had something to do with it.

"And that would be…?" I asked weakly, not sure if I really wanted to ask and get another huge explanation.

He closed his eyes and furrowed his brow in thought. The Pokémon who come here don't evolve…Usually, if they get close to their limit and actually want to evolve, then they leave and continue their life in the outside world. You didn't want to evolve at all, so I guess it shouldn't be surprising that you ended up here…

_What…but then…?_

"Wait a second, if this valley is like…like…kind of like an everstone, then how come I even started to evolve at all?"

He gave me a sad, almost apologetic look. Maybe because humans aren't allowed in Mew Sanctuaries…

"…Oh…"

_Of course that's the reason…I shoulda thoughta that sooner…_

I sighed and flipped my new tail into my lap. I flicked the tip on its own, just to test it out. Sure enough, it was very much real, very much alive, and very much _mine_…

"What do I do now…?" I asked in despair.

Um…

"I can't go back home like this…" I cried, "Not only am I a _freak_, but I _evolved_ and now there's no telling what'll happen…"

I wrenched the tail, my tail I mean, in my hands the same way I sometimes do to my hat when I'm nervous. I wanted to cry.

Ash…Don't worry about it…It's not like it's the end of the world… Nekiro began.

"How do you know!?" I exclaimed, "I _evolved_! I don't care if it's 'partial' or not! I shouldn't have! I didn't want to! Nekiro, maybe you better just kill me before it's too late…" At that, I finally found those tears that I actually wanted for once…

Ash…I'm not going to kill you…

"Why not!? You'd be doing _everyone_ a favor!"

Ash, there's no reason for me to kill you!

"_Yes there is!_ You saw what happened! It could happen again! You don't know that it won't!"

But-

"If you won't do it, then I guess I'll have to…" I decided quietly, "This time I'll make sure it works…"

He flew up to me and whipped his tail around to smack me in the face. No you won't! he almost yelled, I won't allow it. Not in _this_ valley…Ashura Ketchum, you came here for a reason, and it was _not_ so you could die…You can probably guess why better than I can, but I do know that you came here because you needed sanctuary and I'm going to make sure that you get it. This is a place of peace and under no circumstance am I going to let any harm befall the superior master.

I rubbed my lightly stinging cheek. "You just hit me," I pointed out.

That put him off for a second, but he came back with, That was to wake you up and get your attention…

"Well you got it," I sighed, then looked to him again, "So what am I supposed to do now?"

Now…? Now you don't worry about what you're supposed to do…You're here for sanctuary and rest. I imagine you need it after all that you've been through. Just think of this as a vacation that will last a long as you need it to.

"…A vacation?" I asked skeptically.

Yes…for as long as you want.

_That sounds fishy…_

"What if I decided to stay here forever?" I asked. I wasn't really planning on it at the time, I just wanted to see what he would say.

Then you could, he replied.

_What!?_

I blinked. That certainly wasn't the answer I was expecting, and he said it as if it should've been obvious.

"…I…I can?" I asked dumbly.

…Yes…

I looked back to my tail…It still looked, and felt, very real…

"…Maybe that would be best…" I admitted softly. I was right before when I said I couldn't go back like this…There was no telling how anyone would react, and there was always the threat of…_me_…

He nodded slowly. I'd imagine so…Humans…don't tend to take kindly to those that they find different from themselves…

"……Then humans really aren't so different from Mews after all…wouldn't you say?"

He looked at me in surprise. What?

"You make it sound like it's such an evil thing…but don't you do the same to humans…?"

He hovered silently before answering. "Mew…"  
_'They do it to themselves…'_

"Huh…?"

They've forgotten their heritage and their true nature…Only those that remember will ever find the power to evolve…

"…You mean like me…"

He nodded.

I found my eyes drifting down to the ground, and I flinched and closed them when they passed over my tail.

"…I wish I never remembered…"

…It's too late to change that now… he said softly.

"…I know…"

He floated closer and offered a comforting warmth radiating through his paw. …I can understand if you're afraid… he said kindly, This isn't something that should be taken lightly, but for right now, I think it might be best for you to just relax and not worry about it.

"How can I not worry about it? Everything that happened…"

Ash, think about it for a second, he instructed, You _know_ what might happen if you let your power get out of control, and you're going to do everything you can to prevent that. You've already got those two factors in your favor, and if you ask me, they're the most important of all.

He was right, but I was afraid to admit it because I might end up letting my guard down.

"…Maybe…" I sighed.

He nodded lightly. And for right now, I think it would be best for you to get some of that rest…You look positively exhausted…

_Well, now that you mention it…_

I tried to contain a yawn and failed, then gave Nekiro a lopsided smile, regardless that my stomach still flipped at the idea of sleep.

"I guess so…but……Nekiro?"

Yes?

"Um…it's gonna be okay right? No more nightmares? That's what you said, right?"

He didn't nod right away, but when he did, he did so affirmatively. You should be fine…You have sanctuary now…

"Alright…" I mumbled and lay down on the grass again. I'd never noticed before just how soft and comfortable it was…and the sun covered me with a blanket of warmth while the wind hummed a sweet lullaby…

"…Mew…" Nekiro whispered.  
_'Rest well…'_


	19. Sanctuary

A/N: Gomen-nasai!!! I really really didn't think it would take so long to get this chapter written! But, well, um…I could go and make excuses I guess, and point out that this chapter is rather long, and a bit different from the other chapters, and also point out that this is the schoolyear so school is being evil to me and giving me writer's block, but well…Those are actually really lame excuses. I mean, I did have writer's block for a bit, but…well no excuses! Ash doesn't get any, so neither do I! It's just…this fic is kinda really hard to write, and plus I ran out of my stocks of pre-written chapters a while ago, so I'm posting these as I write them, not like what I did with every other multi-chaptered fic I've written…So…gomen again! I'll try to get the next chapters up faster, but I can't guarantee anything…I _could_ try to make the chapters shorter and then they might be up faster, but then…well they're shorter…*¬.¬*; So, um…Yeah, helpful comments would be helpful at this point. Which would you rather have, short chapters with short waits or long chapters with long waits? If I can, I'll try long chapters with short waits…but we'll see…Anyways, enough with my pointless rambling! On with the fic! *^o^*;;

Chapter 19  
"Sanctuary"

I woke up. I think. I wasn't sure. Something was missing. Something I needed….No, that's not it…

_What's missing?_

I kept my eyes closed, still trying to figure out what was gone…and then it hit me.

_No dreams…_

I snapped awake with a start. It was impossible. I _must_ have dreamed _something_…but I couldn't remember at all…

I…found myself surprised by my surroundings. Soft green grass spread endlessly beneath me, and cool blue skies opened high above me, instead of my comforter wrapped around me while I lay on my bed with my room all surrounding me. It didn't make sense. As I tried to figure it out, the recent events came back to me in a blur. Nekiro teleported into view and grinned mischievously.

Good morning, Ashura.

_Nekiro…? Oh, this must be my dream…He's only ever in my dreams…_

I gazed past him to see an odd assortment of Pokémon a fair distance away, all eyes fixated on me. Some were Pokémon I know I've never seen before.

_This must be a dream…_

I rolled over and felt for a telltale tail and found it. I closed my eyes.

_Yeah, this is definitely a dream…_

…Ash?

"…Mm?"

You…_are_ awake aren't you?

_Awake…That's a funny question.._

So funny, I started laughing…Not a big laugh, not even a very audible laugh, but a laugh all the same. It was funny, not just the question, but the fact that he was asking _me_, and the _way_ he asked it…How could anyone help but laugh?

Um…

"I'm…sorry…" I said finally, and opened my eyes again, "It's just that…I don't know…That's just a funny question."

…It is?

"Uh-huh…You asked if I'm awake. It's funny because…I know I'm not. This is just another dream. I'll wake up when it's over, but even then…I'm never awake, you know. I can't remember the last time I've been really awake. I've always had my dreams surrounding me. I don't think I can ever wake up…"

Nekiro stared at me for a second, then landed. He looked a little…unnerved.

Um…Ash? Um……I don't kow how to say this, but um… He stared up at the sky as if searching for help. Well, to put it bluntly, you're not asleep. This isn't a dream.

I laughed again, but only for a second to be polite. "Don't be ridiculous. Of course this is a dream! There's no way it could be real. Right now I'm asleep in my bed at home…I've been there for a long time. Walking here was all a dream…Lying here and talking to you is just another part of the dream."

He shifted his weight uneasily and let out a low whistle. Now, Ash. This is real…If you want, I think I can prove it.

"Go ahead then. I'd like to see how you try this."

He stared straight at me and raised an eyebrow. Then he cleared his throat. Ash…Have you ever…_ever_ before in your dreams _known_ that you were dreaming?

"Well…of course I knew it was a dream after I wo-…"

He held his paws behind his back and eyed me expectantly.

_But…but this is a dream! It has to be! Everything that's happened…It's all just some crazy Seeing…and then I'll wake up and things'll be back to…whatever…Not normal…I can't ever get things back to normal, but…at least I'll get back to something right?_

"…This can't be real."

…But it is.

"But…"

But it's okay, isn't it? You're safe here. No more nightmares, nothing to worry about…Nothing else matters anymore.

Of all his assurances, I only heard one…

_…No more…nightmares? No…more……_

I gasped and sat up in my sudden realization. "No more nightmares! No more dreams…No more…I…"

Tears of relief and joy stung my eyes as I began to fully grasp the meaning of those words. I wasn't going to have anymore of those nightmares…Finally…I would be free…

"Are sure this is real?" I whispered, afraid to say it louder and give myself the impression of false hope.

I'm positive, he nodded.

As those words sunk in, there was no stopping the flood of tears and laughter that escaped from me. It was too good to be true, too much of a relief to bear. I was free…I was _awake_…

I kept on like that for I don't know how long…Finally, I jumped back into awareness when I realized that those Pokémon who had previously taken great care in keeping a good distance between us were now milling about me, sniffing intently. I yelped in surprise when something fuzzy lodged itself underneath my chin. I nervously reached up to see what it was, and it squeaked out a happy "Pi!"

"…Pi…? Pikachu…?" I whispered in awe. My friend had followed me here…?

"Pichu! Pichuchu! Pipichu!" a small crowd of annoyed Pichu corrected me.  
_'That's not a Pikachu! That's a Pichu!'_

I sent them an embarassed grin. "Of, of course. I shoulda known that."

"Pichuchu," one of them nodded.  
_'Of course you should've.'_

I lightly felt the Pichu under my chin again. It made another "Pi" noise, obviously quite content. Since there didn't seem to be any polite way to remove it, I didn't even bother and instead looked over the assortment of Pokémon that all seemed to be trying to get a closer look at me. There were Pichu of course, some Mankey, quite a few Mareep, some Elekid, a Machop, more baby Pokémon, a small herd of Phanpy, a few Bellsprout, a countless variety of other small Pokémon, as well as some small brown Pokémon I'd never seen before. After they came to my attention, my hand got all the way to my hip before I remembered that I'd forgotten my Pokédex…

"Nekiro?" I asked and glanced around for him. He was floating off to the side in a detached manner with a bemused expression on his face.

You seem to be getting along well, he smiled.

"Uhh…Yeah, guess so…" I replied stiffly, afraid to move my head too much lest I crush the Pichu pressed against my neck.

Nekiro laughed with the strange Mew laughter. Don't worry too much, he assured me, They'll start to leave you alone sooner or later. They've just been really curious as to what you would be like when you woke up. I don't think they're disappointed.

"…No, guess not…"

"Pichu!" squeaked the Pichu still firmly attached to me. He followed that up by murmuring, "Pichuchu, pi chuu, pi…"  
_'Nope!…You're all warm and snuggly and you smell like chu…'_

_I smell like chu?? What's _that_ supposed to mean??_

"Uhhh…"

Nekiro laughed again. "Meww…"  
_'It must be because of your Pikachu…'_

"Pika…chu…? Oh! I get it…" I laughed nervously, then jumped again when a couple of those brown Pokémon started climbing on my leg. I stared down at them apprehensively, and they stared back with the biggest, roundest, bright brown eyes I'd _ever_ seen…

_Oh…wow…Those things are _cute_…or they have the best Charm attack I've ever seen…_

That reminded me of why I addressed Nekiro in the first place. I tore my eyes away from theirs and found him again.

"Um…What are these anyway…?" I asked, trying to voice it in a way that wouldn't offend the…adorable…Pokémon…

…Those…? Nekiro replied with a wistful voice, Those are Terra…This is the only place in the world where you'll find them…and believe me, I'd know…

"…Terra…?" I patted one on the head. His skin was rough and dry, yet warm. "What kind of Pokémon are they?"

…Earth elements…You'd probably know it better as the ground type…

"Ground, huh…?"

He nodded slowly. I smiled at the two Terra.

"So I guess you guys are nice and down to earth, not like some Pokémon who float around in the clouds all day…" I grinned and glanced at Nekiro.

Wha-Hey!!

I chuckled and turned back to the Terra. "I'm actually a little jealous too…Clouds aren't all they're cracked up to be…"

_Storm clouds and the images we see in them when we're trapped there…_

"Terr…"  
_'Maybe…'_

"Piii…" strained the Pichu who'd assigned himself to my neck. I guess I'd bent my head too low…  
_'Speaking of cracking…'_

"Pichu chu pi, Pichupi!" scolded one of the other Pichu.  
_'That's what you get for sitting there, Pichupi!'_

Both the Pichu and I glanced at her, and it took me a second to realize she hadn't been talking to me…

_Pichupi…? That's this little guy's name…?_

"Chu…" he muttered and slid down to lap.  
_'Yeah, whatever…'_

"Pichu, chu, pichu pichu-u!" the same one continued.  
_'Don't give me that attitude! You apologize to the pichu-u!'_

_What…?_

The little Pichu sighed and bent his head back to look up at me. "Chupichupichu…"  
_'Sorry…'_

"It's…okay…" I took a gamble and guessed at his name, "Pichupi…"

He perked up when he heard that. "Pichu? Pipichu?"  
_'You know my name? How'd you figure that out?'_

"Lucky guess?" I chuckled, "My name's Ash, but my Pikachu calls me Pikapi, so that means you can probably call me…"

"Pichupi!" he exclaimed

"Yeah…" I smiled at him.

"Terrr…" one of the Terra sighed pleasantly.  
_'You're funny…'_

"Pichu chu! Piichuu…"  
_'Yeah you are! I'm glad you woke up…'_

"…Um…Huh…? What do you mean you're glad I woke up…?"

Nekiro cleared his throat. Well, um…you were sleeping for a while…and um strangely enough, the odd part about it is that it was natural too…

"Pichu…"  
_'A whole sun…'_

"…What?"

Um…That's how long you were asleep…We measure time by suns and moons here…A sun is a day…

"…And a moon is a night?" I guessed.

Um…No, actually, a sun is a day and a night, and a moon is a month…See, that's how long it takes for the sun to rise and the moon to wax. Then of course, there's seasons and four seasons make a year…

"Okay…" Then I realized what he'd just said, "You mean I was sleeping for a whole day!?"

Yeah…and from what I could gather, it was dreamless, wasn't it?

_Dreamless…Yeah it was…A whole day and no dreams…_

"…Yeah…" I whispered. I still couldn't be sure that this was all real…I closed my eyes. "It's been so long since I've ever been able to really be asleep or awake. I guess I forgot what it's like…It's nice isn't it?"

So long as you're happy…That's what matters.

…I'd heard those words before…It took me only a moment to place them. Mom had told me that sometimes, among other things when I was little. She said she always wanted what was best for me, and part of that happened to be my happiness. But happiness faded along with pleasant dreams…I couldn't remember the last time I'd really been happy. Could I really get that back? If I did, how would I recognize it…?

Ash…?

I wiped away tears before they could form. "Sorry, I…Sorry…" I mumbled.

…Don't be, Nekiro shook his head warmly, There's nothing to be sorry about…but…now that you've met everyone, why don't we go show you where we get most of our food. You must be famished.

I put my hand over my empty stomach by reflex before it could growl, and mindfully recalled that the last time Nekiro had made a comment like that, I ended up sleeping for a whole day. My stomach loudly voiced its opinion on the matter and Nekiro laughed heartily and said, almost as if he was reading my mind (and maybe he had), Oh, the power of suggestion… He grinned and then disappeared with a wink.

"Wh-Nekiro!?"

The Pichu in my lap, Pichupi, sighed. "Pipichu cha…"  
_'He does that a lot…'_

"…Yeah, guess so…" I muttered my agreement, "Where'd he go?"

"Ma-mankeyyy!" a Mankey informed me.  
_'Probably to the big fruit tree!'_

"Oh…Well…um…" I glanced in the direction of that tree. It wasn't really all that far away. A small white spot by the trunk turned and waved at me.

_Nekiro…Now he's being annoying again…_

"Why'd he have to Teleport over there? It's not so far away."

"Keykey! Mankey!"  
_'Who cares? Race!'_

With that, the Mankey dashed off to the tree, but he only got a short head start before the rest of the Pokémon were charging after him. Quickest to catch up were the Phanpys, by rolling their way over, then more Mankeys, then the rest. The only ones who didn't take off right away were the two Terra on my leg, Pichupi, and me.

"Terrterr…" murmured one of the Terra.  
_'We'll miss the race…'_

"Uh…the race…?"

"Pichuchu! Pichuchu?"  
_'Yeah the race! Weren't you paying attention?'_

"Um…I guess so…"

"Pichu!" Pichupi squeaked and pointed after the other Pokémon.  
_'Let's go!'_

"Terrterr!" agreed the other Terra.  
_'Yeah, let's!'_

"Um…Okay…" I carefully scooped them into my arms and stood up. "Do I just run now?" I asked.

"Pichu, chu _pi_!" snapped Pichupi.  
_'You don't just run, you run _fast_!'_

"Oh!"

"Terrr!"  
_'Hurry so we don't lose!'_

"Uh, okay!"

I started off a little awkwardly when my tail threw me off balance because I forgot about it. I took a second to recompose myself, then followed after the Pokémon. Needless to say, we were the last to the tree.

Nekiro chuckled quietly as I finally fell against the tree in relief.

Don't worry, he reassured me, I'm sure you'll do better next time.

"Wh-what…?" I gasped wearily, "What do you mean next time!?"

"Chu!" Pichupi piped up as he hopped from my arms to my shoulder to my head, "Chuchuchu, pi chu chu pi!"  
_'We do stuff like this all the time! You probably just messed up cause you're new.'_

With that, he hopped from my head up to the branches of the tree and scampered around in search of fruit, I guess. Nekiro eyed me as I watched Pichupi.

Didn't you come here for food? he reminded me.

"Uh…I guess so…"

Well…?

"Huh?"

He pointed up and I looked. Above us was nothing but the branches of the tree decked with fruit and milling with Pokémon. Pichupi had joined the other Pichu and they were all sharing one fruit.

"Am I supposed to…?"

Yep. One should probably be enough for you…

I stared up at the fruit again. They were a larger than grapefruit but a lot smaller than watermelon…That would only fit one plate and Nekiro thought it could make a _meal_? "…I don't know about _that_…" I blinked and remembered about my overstuffed backpack and quickly realized I wasn't wearing it anymore…

_That's funny…I coulda sworn I never took it off…_

"Hey, what about the food in my backpack?" I asked Nekiro.

He grinned and laughed nervously. Oh that…? Um…It's empty now…

"What!?"

Well, y'see…my little friends here wanted to see what was in it…and when we found out it was food…Well, _everyone_ wanted to try some, so by the time I was done rationing it out…it was all gone. He grinned helplessly.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "That was supposed to last…a long time! For _me_! And you guys finished it all in a day!?"

You'd better try the fruit, he said, nodding, and I groaned in exasperation.

"Terrterr?" asked one of the Terra in my arms.  
_'You climb trees?'_

It took me a second to translate, but finally I grinned at her. "You bet."

"Terra!" the other one chimed in.  
_'Let's get food!'_

"Alright."

I set them on my shoulders, made sure they were holding on tight, then carefully turned and started to climb up. I was still unsteady at first trying to make sure that the Terras didn't fall off, and also because I had an annoying new appendage that kept making my backside tilt more than my front. It probably wouldn't have been such a big deal if I had fully evolved, because then I could've just floated up to the branches, but as it was, I couldn't, and I didn't plan on it anytime within the rest of my life. Finally, I got too frustrated to try to solve the problem any other way and just slapped my tail against the trunk of the tree and wrapped around as far as it would go. That made the balance problem completely irrelevant I just pulled myself up the rest of the way. It was surprisingly easy. The trunk was thick and worn and twisted and covered with spiraling ramps and plenty of gnarled hand and footholds. I felt it was safe to guess that the tree had been here at least as long as Nekiro had, and I didn't even want to guess at how long that was…

I got up to the lowest branch and straddled it. I didn't feel like climbing up higher, and I could reach up higher to get more if I wanted. The branches weren't all that far apart, and they were really wide and strong, so I could probably stand all the way up if I had to, but I wasn't going to until then, because I didn't want to lose my balance and fall.

I helped the Terras down to the branch, and they happily moved along to one of the fruits, tugged it off together, and then broke it open and started sharing. I picked the one closest to me and ate it myself. Nekiro chose that time to float casually up into the greenery, pick a smaller fruit with the end of his tail, sat down across from me and started eating daintily.

How's it taste? he asked warmly, and for a second I was jealous that he could speak without having to clear his mouth first.

"Um…It's good…What type of fruit is this anyway?"

Type…? Not sure…I don't see why or how we have to give this…type of tree a name…It gets along just fine without one. It's nice to have around. It's continuously in a cycle of growing, so we never run out…A nice little bonus is that the pulp will taste like anything you want it to… 

I decided to take the time to process everything that he'd said before commenting on it…

"Uhhh…A tree with no name…? And the fruit can taste like anything…?" I asked to make sure I had gotten it right.

Yes.

"…That's crazy…Why wouldn't a tree have a name, and why would anyone want fruit to taste like something other than fruit?"

Nekiro laughed and wiped his mouth with his paw. Well…eating something that tastes the same for every day of your life gets boring after a while…and why should the tree have a name? Maybe some things in life are better left unnamed. Makes them more mysterious…

"Makes it harder to say what you're talking about."

He either ignored me or didn't hear me. I think it was the first one.

For example… he paused for a moment, What would you call yourself? Human or Mew? Or perhaps neither or both…?

_What?_

I felt my insides tighten up and I glanced down at myself.

_Why would it matter, why would it matter…?_

My throat knotted up, but I forced myself to swallow what was already in my mouth and it went down a little painfully.

I still _looked_ human…Well, for the most part…I wanted to say I still felt human too, and I did…I really did…It's just that, when I looked deeper inside, I realized that something had changed there too…not just on the outside…

I shut my eyes and tried to ignore that idea. It wasn't very comforting. In my experience, changes were bad…especially big ones that dealt with evolution and me…

"Not Mew…" I whispered, "I don't want to be Mew…"

He looked at me for a moment before nodding in reluctant understanding. …Maybe…I can see why you would say that, but then what should we call you? You're not human.

Maybe in the past I would've argued with that. I wanted for all the world to be able to argue with that, but I didn't bother. I knew it wasn't entirely true anymore, and besides, he'd made his point.

"Maybe you don't you have to call me anything…" I replied quietly.

At this, his smile grew warmer, and he happily stuffed a pawful of mush into his mouth. Now you're beginning to see…I may not be an expert on anything, but I know as well as anyone that it's what's in the heart that's important. I think you know it too, and that should give us a good base to start off from. You're a good learner, aren't you Ash?

_I am?_

"Uh…You'd…be surprised at how many people have told me that…" I mumbled.

Huh?

I sighed. "You could count them on one hand…even yours."

He stared at me in surprise, but I knew I wasn't lying…

"It doesn't matter…What were you talking about before anyway?"

He seemed to instantly recover and glanced back at his fruit, downed some, and then glanced back at me. You've changed Ash. I know it's hard for you to sense it now, but it's there, and it's more than the just the dreams and the tail. You didn't really think you could completely stop the power from developing did you?

He didn't pause long as he spoke, but his words only slowly began to sink into my mind.

_Change…? Power…? Of course I thought I could stop them. That's why I tried. I can do anything if I try…if I…That's what Mom told me……I don't want change…I don't want power…I don't want…_

That's why I think it would be best for me to help you with this power, teach you how to control it…so that it can't be misused…Of course, there's more to it than just the power itself…but I think you're suited for this. We can overcome it together, Ash. What do you say?

I had a dull pain in my head from listening to him, but I shrugged it off.

_He wants to help me…? What is he going to do? How can I fight this…this destiny?_

"…I say you're starting to sound like Oliver, but if this works, I'm all for it…"

He blinked, then started the chuckle. I wouldn't want that! Those humans have no idea what they're doing… As a light joke, he added, Actually, neither do I, but at least we'll have fun while we try, won't we?

"Uh…sure."


	20. Forgetting Is The Hardest Part

Chapter 20  
"Forgetting Is The Hardest Part"

"Can't catch me, Pichupi!"

"Pichu!"  
_'Yes I can!'_

I grinned as my tiny new friend ran at me on all fours, fully intent on making me "it". I, of course, wasn't about to let that happen. At the last second, I hopped over him and half twirled around to face him again. When he realized I wasn't in front of him anymore, he skidded to a stop and scowled at me poutily.

"Pichu! Pichu chu chu!"

_'No fair! You're too big!'_

I laughed. "Am not! You're too small."

"Pichu!"  
_'Am not!'_

With that, he jumped at me one last time, this time managing to scrabble up my leg and and under what was left of my tattered shirt.

"Chu! Pichuu!" he cheered teasingly, poking his head through one of the many holes.  
_'Ha! Gotcha!'_

I snickered. "Maybe…" I whispered, then plucked him out and held him up while he squirmed in my hands, "but now I've got you!"

"Piiichuu! Pipi chupichu!"  
_'No fair! You cheated!'_

I laughed and loosened my grip so he could get out and run up my arm to my shoulder.

"…Pichuu…" he whispered.  
_'…Cheater…'_

"Pichuu yourself."

"Piii…" he stuck his tongue out at me. I did the same back to him.

"Terrr_ra_ terra?" Rarater sighed.  
_'Can we get back to the game now?'_

Rarater and Raterte were the two Terra who'd befriended me on my first full day in the sanctuary. I found out later that they were…mates, as they called themselves; Rarater being the girl, and Raterte the boy. It was very hard to find them separated from each other, and I don't think I ever did. If Misty could see them, I'm sure she would've told me how cute they were……

The four of us, Rarater, Raterte, Pichupi and me, spent most of our waking time together, playing whatever games we thought of first. This time it happened to be tag. Several of the other Pokémon were playing too. Some of us had special rules to make it more fair for everyone else. The Phanpy weren't allowed to use their Rollout, and I wasn't even allowed to run, period, just because my stride was so much longer than everyone else's. Of course, I found ways to bend that rule, just a little…

I grinned at Rarater. "Oh, alright…Pichupi, you're still it."

"Pichu, pichuchu!" he argued, and tagged my cheek.  
_'No, I'm not! You are!'_

"No, you are!" I laughed, tagging him back.

"Pichu!"  
_'You!'_

"You!"

"_Pichu_!" cried Pichachu, Pichupi's older sister, "Pichupi chu Pichupi chu pichu!"  
_'Stop it! Both Pichupis are it!'_

"Uh…"

"Chu…?"  
_'Huh…?'_

"Pichu! Pichuchuchu!" Pichachu announced and then swiftly followed her own advice.  
_'Okay! Everyone better get running!'_

"Yeah, that's right! Pichupi and me are gonna catch you all!" I laughed.

"Pichu!"  
_'Yeah!'_

"You go that way, and I'll go this way. Ready? Go!"

"Pi!"  
_'Right!'_

We split hastily and the chase was on.

            *  *  *

My doubts quickly faded in the time that I spent in Nekiro's sanctuary. The Pokémon there really know how to have fun in their own simplistic, innocent, and exciting way. I kind of thought it was odd at first, but they each have their own neverending supply of games and contests, each more challenging and appealing than the last.

Nekiro wasn't strict at all about my "lessons" if you could even call them that. He just pulled me over every once in a while from anywhere from fifteen minutes to a few hours and we'd talk about whatever was on our minds. Somehow, he always managed to sneak in some type of life lesson, or if we were both in an exceptionally good mood, just a simple joke.

As the days went by, it became easier to forget about everything that had led up to that point…but it was still hard at the beginning. The memories of my nightmares still scared me, even if I was looking back on them purely of my own will. They had once been all too real, and I couldn't hide from them forever…and that's when I learned to appreciate Nekiro's lessons to help me focus on my fears as much as I appreciated the Pokémon's fun and games to keep my mind off them.

            *  *  *

"You saved me back there, didn't you?"

Back where?

"When I first got here. When I collapsed by the tree. You healed me, didn't you?"

Nekiro smiled. Oh yes, that. I remember now. Yes, I did save you. It was quite a task too. You were close to death.

"…But I wouldn't've died right? This is sanctuary after all, isn't it?"

Nekiro was quiet for a moment. Ash…This may be a sanctuary, but it does not protect against the inevitable…Death comes to all, as sure as the sun. No one can stop it when the time comes, but…I did do my best to prevent it from coming early for you. He gave me a small smile.

"Well…Thanks, I guess…"

Just doing my job.

"…Yeah…Your job to protect…" I took a second to recall what he said, "the chosen one, the savior of Celebi, and the hero of…New Island…"

Yeah…

"…New Island…" I repeated to myself. I knew what it was, and everything that happened there, but…no, not everything… "Nekiro?"

Yes?

"…Were you at New Island?"

Wh-who me?

I nodded.

No…No I wasn't…but word spread quickly after the fact…Bara…After she helped Mewtwo and the clones settle down…told us all about it at a Gathering……

"Bara…She the one who…?"

Yes, he answered quickly, She was the one who…was there…

I wasn't sure, but it sounded like Nekiro was a little wistful about something…

"…You know her?"

…Yes.

_…Did…he…?_

He didn't elaborate, so I decided it might be best not to push it…at least not in that direction…There was still one question I needed answered…

"…Nekiro?"

Yes…?

I glanced down, then up and around, to stall for a bit as I gathered my thoughts.

"…What happened…?"

…What are you talking about?

"What happened…at…New Island…When Mewtwo and…Bara…when they……um…when they hit me?" I whispered.

He stiffened. If he had seemed unwilling to talk about Bara, now he was deadset against talking about…that.

…It's not important.

"…Well…then you can still tell me, right?"

…No.

"…Why not?"

It's not important. Don't worry about it. All that matters is that it's in the past now and you're still al-okay… He looked scared.

_What was he gonna say? He almost slipped there…Al…al…umm…_

"…I'm still what?"

You're still okay…That's what matters.

"…Nekiro…"

He sat up quickly. Uh…I think someone just fell out of a tree. I'd better go check on him. Bye! He disappeared with a quick flash, and left me staring at the spot where he'd been just a second ago…

_…Why won't you tell me…?_

            *  *  *

"Chupi pipii…"  
_'The moon is pretty…'_

_Pretty…?_

I gazed up at the lightened semicircle in the shadowed sky. It was only halfway full…Something about that touched a pain in me…one of many pains that I was trying my best to ignore…

"…It's only half full…" I muttered and closed my eyes. I didn't feel like moon-gazing at that particular time.

"Pi?"  
_'So?'_

I frowned. I wasn't ready to answer a question like that…

"…I…I don't know…" I answered pathetically.

"…Pipii pichu."  
_'…I still think it's pretty.'_

_You still do…? Why?_

I resigned to opening my eyes to the night sky once again…The moon still didn't look pretty…If anything, it was…_ugly_…A horrible melding of black and white…of pristine silver and scorched ashes…

I felt an involuntary shiver run through me at that thought…

"Pichupi?"

"Uh…Huh?"

"Pichu…?"  
_'You okay…?'_

"Uh…Y-yeah…"

"…Pichu, chupi?"  
_'…Well, what do you think of the moon?'_

I stared at my newest little friend…So small…so…_innocent_…so able to look at something and find the beauty in it…even horrible, ugly things…

I swallowed.

"…I…don't think anything of it…" I whispered.

"Chu?"  
_'Huh?'_

I closed my eyes and forced my body to relax. "I'm tired, Pichupi…I…I think I'm going…try to……rest now…"

Rest, not sleep. I still couldn't say 'sleep'…That word still scared me so badly…

"…Pichuchupi…"  
_'…Goodnight…'_

            *  *  *

My sleeps went by without Seeings…but that didn't mean I was completely free of nightmares…Maybe it was because I was just so used to be tormented in my sleep that my mind made up its own forms of torture for me…or maybe my conscience knew better than to let me completely forget about everything…so it kept reminding me…always…

So my fears stayed with me…but this time, I could bury them in the day and leave them there. Even the worst nightmares couldn't give me the same…_dying_ feeling that huddled inside of me when I was having my Seeings…

…but I was still afraid to…sleep…

            *  *  *

"Laaa _zu_!"

I laughed and blocked the thin spray of water with my hands.

"You got me wet, Larill!"

"Lazu, la!" the tiny aquamouse chittered happily.  
_'Yeah I did!'_

I grinned at her and tore off the rags that weren't even modestly covering me anymore. They'd taken quite a beating on the way down the mountain, and I hadn't been able to change them since I'd gotten here. I wasn't too worried about modesty with all the Pokémon around me. After all, all of them, with the exception of Nekiro, had been wearing their birthday suits since…well, the day they were born. Besides, it had been days since I'd last had a bath…

"Now it's my turn!" I winked at the Lazurill and dove in.

"Zu!"  
_'Hey!'_

"Pichupi!"

"Teerrrrrr…" complained Raterte and Rarater. I guess I got them wet. They weren't too fond of water…  
_'Hey…!'_

I popped up so just my head was above water. "What? Can't stand a little H2O?"

"Terrterra!" Rarater scolded and shook her scaly little fist at me, "Ter, terra, terter!"  
_'That stuff is gross! It's all wet and drippy!'_

"Oh, come on, you're just jealous," I teased, "Pichupi doesn't mind a little water, do ya, Pichupi?"

Pichupi stood hesitantly by the edge of the pool. "Pichuu…"  
_'Well, I…'_

"Lazu! Lazurill!" Larill put in cheerily.  
_'I like the water a lot!'_

"Well of course _you_ do…" I turned back to Pichupi, "Come on Pichupi! The water's great!"

"Chu…"  
_'Well…'_

"Or can't you swim?"

"Pichu!"  
_'Of course I can swim!'_

"Well…? Then come and get me!"

"Zu!" Larill added and shot a small sprinkle straight up in the air.  
_'Yeah!'_

"Piii…"

I laughed and plunged under the water. I got an crazy idea and filled my mouth with as much water as I could hold without swallowing any, then surfaced again before I ended up drowning myself. I took quick aim and spat it at Pichupi in my first attempt at an imitation Water Gun. To my surprise as much as everyone else's, it worked, and Pichupi ended up getting very wet thanks to me. After recovering from the initial shock of success, I found myself laughing again.

"Pichupi, you might as well come in now. You're already wet!"

He made a face at me before squeaking, jumping in, and disappearing under the surface. I waited for a moment for him to come up before I started to get worried.

"…Pichupi?"

"Lazuri?"

"_Pichu!_" Pichupi splashed up right under my nose and giggled.  
_'_Gotcha!_'_

"Hey!"

"Pichu!"  
_'Take this!'_

He spat some water at me in his own Water Gun imitation, but it didn't work out quite as well as mine had. A few drops hit me, but the rest just sort of trickled down his chin. He blinked when he realized it didn't work, then blushed in embarressment and tried to wipe the water off of his chin. That didn't work very well either, because his paws were also wet, so his chin just got wetter.

I hid a light laugh and poked him teasingly. "What's the matter Pichupi? Larill and I did it just fine!"

Pichupi muttered something, then grinned at me and doggy paddled father away before turning around and splashing me the old-fashioned way.

"Ha-hey!" I blocked that with my hands until Larill decided to join in with a Water Gun and I quickly became drenched. "Oh yeah? Try dodging this!"

I took as deep a breath as I could and ducked under the water again. I let myself sink until my feet were touching the ground. It really wasn't that far, but it was a lot for Pichupi and Larill. I stayed there for as long as I could, watching the figures above me paddle about in the water.

I used to play this game a lot with Gary in the summertime. One of us would be the "Gyarados" and the other swimmers would have to try not to get eaten…Gary was usually the Gyarados and I usually got eaten…Not that it really mattered…We always had fun anyway…until…

_Air!!_

I opened my mouth without thinking and started to panic when water flooded in instead of precious, precious air…

I swam furiously to the surface where my original intent was realized anyway when Larill and Pichupi found themselves assaulted by a me-sized tidal wave. They squealed in surprise as I busied myself by filling my lungs with beautiful, glorious air…

_I don't know _how_ Misty does it…_

_…Misty……_

I was able to relax now that I could breathe again and stared up at the serene blue sky streaked with pale white clouds…but I wasn't really looking at it…

"Pichupi!!" Pichupi shouted at me angrily, "Pichu, pichuchu!"  
_'Ash!! Snap out of it!'_

I shook my head quickly and glanced at him. "Huh…?"

"Pichu, chuchu?"  
_'What on earth were you staring at?'_

I blinked. "Uh…N-nothing…Sorry…It…won't happen again…"

I swallowed. That spacing out had almost given me a watery burial in a pond less than twice my height in depth.

_All because of…_

"_Pichupi!!_"

_'Ash!!'_

"Wha-!? Sorry!"

"Pii…"

            *  *  *

Well, you had fun today, didn't you?

"…Yeah…"

I didn't bother looking at him when we talked. There wasn't much to see. I could read his words and feelings in my head thanks to his mind-speak. Instead, I lay on the grass with my hands behind my head and Pichupi sleeping in his favorite spot, right under my chin, and stared out into space. Several strands of dark clouds wove through the night sky, but the stars were still visible past them. The moon was just a conventional crescent buried beneath but still shining through the clouds.

_The moon's getting darker…You can see less of it every day…_

It saddened me to think of it that way…The moon is just another celestial object in the sky. It doesn't have any control over what happens to it; it just keeps following the same neverending, repeated cycle…

_…but that means the light will come back again……won't it?…What if it didn't? What would happen then?…Isn't that what a…What's the word? Eclipse? Isn't that what an eclipse is, when the moon doesn't get whiter again…_

…Got something on your mind?

"…Huh?"

I asked what you're thinking about…

"Uh…Oh. Um…Nothing…"

Doesn't look like nothing.

"……It's nothing."

Well… He dipped down and up, then settled down on the ground beside me, want to talk about _something_ then?

I shrugged. "If you want."

…Alright…How about…being more careful in the water…? He gave me a teasing smile.

"Huh…?"

You don't think I noticed? If you hadn't saved yourself, I would've had to…Plus… he added seriously, Pichupi was worried about how you let that happen and were acting "weird" afterwards…

"Pichupi told you that?" I asked, not sure what I was surprised about, but surprised all the same.

He nodded. I think he had reason to be worried too…I would be… He stared at the sky for a second more, then looked at me, What _were_ you thinking about back there anyway?

"Uh…Back…where…?" I asked nervously.

Back…wherever…

I stared back at him for a second of my own before staring back up at the clouds which continued to move patiently across the starry sky.

"…Nothing…" I answered finally.

Uh-huh… he nodded, Nothing as in you weren't thinking about how you would drown if you stayed underwater?

"…N-no…Not exactly…"

…Then…?

"I…It's not important…"

You sure?

_Am I sure? Well, what was I thinking about? Gary? Misty…? I…I'm never gonna see them again anyway……Of course…Of course it's not……It's not important………Of course……_

"Yes," I answered, forcing a sense of finality over my own shaky feelings on the issue.

A light breeze rustled through the field, giving me a ticklish chill that quickly passed.

…If you say so… Nekiro whispered.

He was quiet after that, and so was I…

_If I say so…and I do say so…It's…They're……not important anymore…Not……_

I didn't cry…I'd learned how to stop it……but……maybe I should've…

            *  *  *

Water Gun, huh…? Nekiro asked, You do know that battling is expressly forbidden, don't you?

"Aw, Neki, we weren't battling. We were just playing around. Besides, it's not like it was a _real_ Water Gun. You know I couldn't pull that off."

He examined the ground for a moment while we, actually I, walked. We'd just randomly decided to take a little tour of the place. I'd seen most of it already, but in a place like this, it didn't really matter. Anything and everything could be new and special, new or old.

…Are you sure?

"Sure about what? The Water Gun? Of course I'm sure. I couldn't use a real Water Gun attack, I mean, come on…"

…I wouldn't be so sure if I were you, Nekiro told me quietly, You're not…what you used to be…Mews, as I'm sure you know, are quite capable of learning…many attacks…Water Gun happens to be one of them, and I wouldn't be surprised if you picked it up somehow.

_…What?_

I stopped walking. My legs just wouldn't move anymore. They were frozen, stiff. My mouth tasted like cotton.

When Nekiro noticed I'd stopped moving, he turned and floated back to me and gave me an inquisitive look.

"What are you talking about?" I whispered shakily once I got my voice back.

…It shouldn't be so surprising…All Pokémon, even young ones like the ones here, learn at least one attack, usually without even realizing it…Now, maybe Water Gun was easiest for you because of the water you have readily available to you, but…I wouldn't be surprised if you learned more and better ones as time passes.

I couldn't reply. What he was saying to me was still trying to crack through my skull and smack my brain with its information.

_Did he say…attacks…?_

…Ash, its really not a big deal…No one battles in here, and most attacks are weakened anyway, especially with your lack of experience…There's nothing to worry about…

_Attacks…? Battles…?_

Um…Ash?

_But…_

"I, I won't."

…Oh good…You had me scared for a second. Like I said, it's really not that big a deal…So you can learn a few attacks. That's nothing special. Everyone else can…I mean, except for humans, but…well, even if you're not a Mew, I can tell that your still much more powerful than even the strongest of human psychics, if you would train that ability…

I could hear what he was saying, and I understood it, but I didn't listen. I couldn't. I didn't want to think about what he was saying…

_Attacks and battles? Mews and humans? Psychic powers and…training?_

_M-me…?_

I didn't see him looking at me now with concern…I didn't see the fields and the forest and the sky and the water…I saw a barren wasteland, full of empty shells of what were once living, breathing creatures, both human and Pokémon. I saw death scattered throughout that land. I saw a black fog covering with the world in a veil of poison…and I saw…

"_No!!_" I cried and clutched at my eyes, trying to block the vision, "No! No, no, noo…Noooo……" I sobbed and fell to my knees, my hands now failing to block a new flow of saltwater tears. I felt my upper body shake viciously and I hugged myself to try to stop it.

Ash!?

"No…please no…"

Ash, snap out of it!

"No…"

That world…It was churning…Vines of black twisted and coiled around it, squeezing it ever tighter in its grasp…

Ash, listen to me!

"…no…"

I couldn't stop it…I couldn't…I…

Look at me!

Nothing I could do…

Look at me!! _Look at me!_

_I…can't…I can't…_

Ashura!! LOOK AT ME. Listen to me!! You're not- You don't have to-

_noooo…_

I'm not going to let you hurt anyone Ash! Did you hear me? I'm not going to- You're not going to hurt anyone! I won't let you!!

_I…I'm not going…not going……to…hurt……anyone…_

I swallowed and raised my tear-stained face. I looked straight into Nekiro's crystal blue eyes with my darker, wetter ones…

…Are you alright…?

I nodded, not sure why, but I nodded.

…I'm sorry…

I dipped my head down, ashamed of letting that become such a big deal, but I knew that it couldn't have happened any other way without even more shame…

My eyes widened when Nekiro sealed his apology with a small hug.

Ash, don't let me go on about stuff like that if it bothers you so much, okay? he said gently, I know how hard it must be for you, so make sure that I stay to your pace…and I really am sorry…

I nodded again. I didn't know what else to say except, "…Thank you…"

He nodded back. …You want to keep walking?

"…I guess…"

…Okay.

            *  *  *

As time passed, I took Nekiro's advice and got a little more creative with how I wanted my fruit to taste. I'd tried chocolate, pizza, rice, several of Brock's recipes, and even a few eccentricities, just to see how they'd taste…like rocks, trees, and even clouds…Those weren't very appetizing…

Pichupi nibbled away like, well, a mouse, while he sat in my lap, but I was in the mood for something special…something I hadn't had in a long time…

_How about a deep-dish chili potpie…?_

Just the thought made my mouth water…I closed my eyes to perfect the taste, the texture, the look, the _smell_ in my mind before I actually put it in my mouth…When I was ready, I tried it, imagining the way Mom would bring out a steaming tray and set it on the table, the way I'd pick up my fork, give her a wholehearted thanks and then dig in…The perfect mixture of spices, the perfect beans that she grew right outside in the garden and I helped her grow and pick…The way the crust crumbled…

"Pichupi? Chu chu pichu?"  
_'Ash? You still awake?'_

I blinked and glanced down at him. I'd completely forgotten where I was and what I was doing…Well, I knew I was eating dinner, but…

"Chu?"  
_'Well?'_

I gave him a half-smile of reassurance. "Yeah, I'm still here…"

_…for the most part…_

            *  *  *

"Pichupi, you really oughta go to sleep…"

"Pichu, pichu chu…" he said and acted very interesting in playing with the grass. I couldn't help but notice how he had to stifle a yawn…  
_'But I'm not sleepy…'_

"Yes you are…Come on, you can sleep on me again if you want to. I'm going to sleep…"

"Pi…"  
_'I don't wanna…'_

"Yeah you do. Come here…"

I lifted him up very carefully and set him in my lap.

"Pichu!"  
_'Hey!'_

I stroked his head and ignored how he was really trying to act like he wasn't getting sleepier by the second. I smiled warmly at him. "…Y'know…whenever Pikachu had trouble sleeping, I would help him fall asleep by singing a lullaby…"

"Pichu?"  
_'Huh?'_

"…Wanna give it a try? It can't hurt…unless you think I'm a horrible singer…"

"Pii…Pichu…"  
_'Well…Okay…'_

I smiled, then gazed up at the stars…The sky was clear tonight, and every sparkling point in the sky shone as bright as the others…The moon had started to wax and wane again…A new moon and a full moon had gone by since I first came here…The half moon of my first night was slowly crawling back into place…

_…A whole moon…_

I closed my eyes and began to sing softly.

"Monster ball ga kimi no bed sa…"

"…Pichu chupi?"  
_'…What's a monster ball?'_

I stopped, surprised not only that he'd interrupted me, but by the question he asked.

_He doesn't know?_

"…Where Pokémon sleep…" I answered kindly, "Now be quiet. That doesn't have anything to do with you falling asleep…"

"…Pichu…"  
_'…Okay…'_

"Now where was I…?" I sighed and started over, "Monster ball ga kimi no bed sa…Maruku natte me wo tojite…Asa ni nareba kizu no mo ieru yo…  
            _This monster ball is your bed, so…curl up and close your eyes…When tomorrow comes, everything will be better…  
_Moshi mo moshi mo kimi ga…Boku no yume no naka ni…Asobi ni kite kureta nara…Nante chotto omotta dake…  
_            If, oh if, you'd sometimes come…to play in my dreams…That's something I'm hoping for…  
_Oyasumi…Oyasumi…Oyasumi…Kirari hoshi ga hikaru yo…  
            _Good night…Good night…Good night…The bright stars are sparkling…  
_Nemurenai yoru mo aru yo ne…Oide boku no ude no naka ni…Futari dake no hanashi wo shiyou…  
            _There are sleepless nights…So come into my arms…We'll have a conversation between just us two…"_

_…That's only too true…_

With my eyes still closed, I held Pikachu even closer to me, drawing his warmth to share with me…

"Moshi mo moshi mo bokura no…Deai ga nakatta nara…Kimi ni mitai kedo…  
            _If, oh if, we'd never met…I was going to ask you, but…"_

I blinked up at the stars which were still shining at us…It really was getting late…

"Pikachu?…Mou nemutto no kai…?  
            _…Pikachu? Are you asleep yet…?"_

"…Pi?"  
_'…What?'_

I put my hand on his back and petted him gently…Something was different though…He was…smaller…?

"Pichu…" Pichupi reminded me with a tired yawn.  
_'I'm a Pichu, remember?'_

"Uh…Oh……yeah……sorry…"

He nodded and snuggled against me. "Pichu…"  
_'Keep going…'_

"…Alright…" I gazed upwards again. "Oyasumi…Oyasumi…Oyasumi……Ima hoshi ga nagareta yo…  
            _Good night…Good night…Good night……Now look, there's a shooting star…"_

_…Pikachu…did you see it too…?_

I bit back a stray tear and continued, not just for Pichupi, but for me and Pikachu too…

"Oyasumi…Oyasumi…Oyasumi…Sorosoro boku mo nemuru yo…  
            _Good night…Good night…Good night…Now I'll go to sleep too…"_

I used one hand to keep Pichupi steady as I leaned back to rest on the grass myself, and very carefully, moved him up to his favorite spot. He sighed quietly and curled up into a tiny yellow ball. I closed my eyes…and wondered if Pikachu would come to play with me…

A/N: That song is "Oyasumi Boku No Pikachu" which means "Goodnight, My Pikachu" . It's a _very_ pretty lullaby and was played in the Japanese version of "Pikachu's Goodbye"….Again, I did not write the translation, but I found it on a search engine a while ago and I forgot where, so if it's yours or you know where I got it, tell me and I'll be sure to give full credit where credit is due. And also, I really recommend you get the song from somewhere if you haven't already…Tat's all. *^_^*;


	21. Return To Heart

A/N: Coming soon on "One Heart"…and I mean other than this chapter…It's a look to the past as Dragoness reveals her first ever "Lost Episode" airing! *coughs* Enough with the cheesy TV imitation…Blame it on KidsWB, they're rubbing off on me it seems. *^_^*;;; Alright seriously, the next chapter I post for this story will not be #21, but it WILL kick this chapter up to 21..*^_^*;; See, this whole deal is gonna mess up the entire numbering system I've got here, but I'm gonna do it anyway cuz I'm nice and besides…No one out there can stop me! Hahaha…! Okay I think I'll shut up now and let you read. *^_^*;;

Chapter 21  
"Return To Heart"

"Nekiro? Hey, Nekiro! Wait up!"

I had to run to catch up with him. He was drifting leisurely towards the woods, which is actually pretty fast for me, since I didn't have the ability to float…or if I did, I didn't bother finding out, nor did I want to. He stopped when he heard me call and waited.

What is it? What's the matter?

"…Matter?" I asked, panting, "No, nothing's the matter…I just…wanna come with you, I guess…"

He nodded after a second. Mmhm…Well, I can't stop you from doing that. Come on.

I followed him into the trees. Immediately, there was a distinct change in atmosphere. Outside, the sun was golden warm and heated the air, but inside, the trees' leaves and branches shaded out the sun, allowing it in only in stray beams and trickles of light. Instead of being warm and dry, the air was cool and just a little moist, a pleasant change for the skin.

We walked in silence for a while, just enjoying the scenery…but there was a pressing question on my mind, and if I never asked it, I was sure I would go crazy…Maybe not for the first time, but I still wasn't too keen about the idea…

"…Nekiro?" I asked quietly so as not to break the peace too harshly.

Yes?

"Ummm…I…um…I've been wondering…for…a while…umm…"

…And…?

"Uh…Well…" I swallowed, "I…I'm kinda…worried about……Well, maybe not _worried_…but……" I hesitated. What was the point of lying? I really _was_ worried… "Okay, forget I just said that. What I meant to say was…um…"

Nekiro cocked his head and crossed his arms. …Well?

I sighed and scratched my head. "Um…I'm…kinda…worried…about…you know……"

…No, I don't…Well, not for sure…

"Uhh…You know…" I continued, feeling more stupid by the second. I gestured with both hands to indicate what, I have no idea, but I didn't want to just stand there stuttering. "Those…My…Um……"

…Just say it, Ash…

"……Everyone back home…" I finished quietly.

……Back home?

"…Yeah…" I said, nodding lamely.

He breathed in deeply and stared at the forest floor. His tail swished very lightly.

…This isn't your home? he asked finally.

_Uh oh, should I have said that differently?_

"Um…Well…Yeah, it is…but I was just talking about-"

Your old home…outside…with the humans…

"Uh…I am…a human……mostly…"

He nodded, but in a way that showed he only agreed because he knew it would be pointless to argue.

…You're worried about them?

"…Yeah……I…I don't even remember how long it's been since I left…They don't know where I am and that I'm fine…I…I gotta know if _they're_ okay……I…miss 'em…"

A moon… he answered distantly and focused on the dirt directly in front of me.

_A moon…A month…A…_month_!? Oh man, I don't know if I want to know how they're doing anymore…They probably think I…I……N-no…I…I gotta find out before I start making guesses……_

"…A moon…" I whispered.

………Who do you want me to check on…? he asked softly.

I looked up at him in surprise.

_He's actually gonna do it…? Nekiro…?_

"Y-you're gonna…?"

Yeah…Now hurry before I change my mind…

"Uh…Right…Ummm…" I started checking names off on my hand. "Pikachu, Misty, Mom, Brock…Gary, Tracey, Professor Oak…"

He gave me a kind of dead, "Are you kidding?" stare, before asking blandly, Is that all?

"Uh…Yeah," I replied sheepishly.

Alright…Give me a moment…

He closed his eyes and drifted slowly to the ground and landed with his eyes still squeezed shut in concentration. A light haze developed around him, and even though I wasn't even close enough to reach out and touch him, I could feel his energy radiating outwards. It shocked me. I'd never felt something like that so strongly before, not something that wasn't aimed directly at me.

_Is this what he was talking about when he said he could 'feel' _my_ power…?_

I gasped when I felt tendrils of the invisible mist drift towards and into me. I held my breath as it wove through my mind, searching for…for friends…

_Of course…Nekiro doesn't know them nearly as well as I do…He needs to identify them before he can check on them…_

I tried to remain calm as Nekiro continued his probing. Maybe it was an invasion of privacy, but I'd requested it, so the least I could do was endure it.

I felt him retreat before long, and then I was able to witness the real power…He had to reach out for miles to find who he was looking for. The energy waves he gave off were incredible…

_I wonder if I could do that…_

I wasn't going to _try_…The very idea was scary to me…

And I watched him concentrate as the waves continued to hit me. It almost felt like I was standing in the ocean and watching as a storm started to blow in, only everything was invisible except for the Mew standing in front of me.

His head lifted up and a strained smile formed on his face.

_He found someone…_

Ash… he whispered, I got 'em…Three of them, really…They're all in the same place…

_Three? Only three? But, who…? Who's he talking about?_

"Uh…Who are they?" I asked.

…Your mother, your Pikachu, and…the girl…Misty.

"Where's Brock!?"

I don't know. I'll look for him later. Right now, these three… he trailed off for a bit. He'd never once opened his eyes during all of this, and he still kept them shut. They are…worried… He frowned. On the outside, they want to believe that you are alright and will come back…but, in truth…they……

He stopped and looked at me with wide, glowing eyes, and I knew he'd cut himself off. There wasn't any other reason he stopped.

"They what?" I pressed.

He closed his eyes again and held his chin to his chest. …They…They think you killed yourself, he whispered, They're afraid to look for you anymore…because they're afraid they'll find you…They were afraid from the start, but now it's harder for them to go look for you……They panicked when they found out you left…and now they're trying to accept that you may be gone for good…

I felt a dead chill drop onto me and latch on, wrapping itself around me and sucking all the heat and life out of me…

_They…they…think…I'm……_

I dropped to one knee and only stopped myself from falling all the way with my hand. After a second, I gave up and just dropped onto the ground and stared.

_Of…course…they think I'm…They have every reason to…After the way I was acting…?_

I felt numb.

……Misty is thinking of going back to……Cerulean…

_…Back to Cerulean…!?_

…Brock, is it? He's already gone back to Pewter…

_They're all…gone?_

Umm…who else did you want me to-?

"No one!" I shouted hoarsely. I was shaking…shaking like…like the dreams used to make me… "Don't check on them anymore! Leave them, leave them alo-…Let me…I…"

I felt the waves of energy recede back to Nekiro. He breathed deeply, then looked curiously at me.

What is it, Ash?

"I…I wanna go home…"

…Home…? he echoed.

I nodded weakly, "Yeah…Home……I miss them…and…and maybe…I…Well…I dunno…I…I told them I'd come back…I told them I'd…and…and I didn't…but I said I would…I said that I'd come back…I told them I'd……I don't wanna lie to them…not anymore…not about that…Mom…Pikachu…Misty…I'm sorry…I…I'm sorry……I'm gonna come home…I'm gonna…come…back…"

I hugged my knees to my chest and wrapped my tail around myself.

_I'm gonna do this…_

I'd made up my mind…but that didn't mean I wasn't scared…

            *  *  *

"Pichupiii!"  
_'Ash, you _can't_ leave!'_

I didn't answer. I didn't even look at him. If I said anything, I would end up admitting that he's right…but _I_ was right too…but I had to choose one or the other…

"Pichupi, pichuu!" he cried and latched himself onto my leg.  
_'Ash, stay please!'_

I looked down at him and couldn't help but smile sadly.

"I have to go…" I told him, "I…I told them that I'd-"

"Pichu, pichuchu!"  
_'You told me that you'd stay here!'_

_Pichupi…_

"I…I know……I thought so too, but I-"

"Pichu, chu chu pi!"  
_'You're already here, just stay!'_

"I can't…"

"Pichuuu…Pichu…Pii…"  
_'But you can't leave! No one who leaves comes back…No one…'_

I knelt down and removed him from my leg. "That doesn't mean I can't try…" I gave him a tight hug. "When I'm done there, I'll come back here…for a visit…"

"Pichu."  
_'Stay.'_

"…I wish I could…but…" I shook my head, "No…I just can't. I miss my other friends and my mom too…and I know they miss me. I can't just leave them and not come back…I can't do that to them…"

"Pichu, chupi!"  
_'You can't do that to me either!'_

_…I know…but you want to stay, and I'm not gonna force you to…_

"You could come with me…"

"Pi!?  
_'What!?'_

"Pichuchu!!" Pichachu interrupted, "Pichupi chuchu _chu_!"  
_'No way!! Pichupi's staying here and that's that!'_

"Pi…" Pichupi looked her way wistfully before nodding at me, "Pichuu…"  
_'……She's right…'_

_This place means too much to you doesn't it? You're not gonna give it up for someone you've only known for a moon……I don't blame you…_

"Then I guess…I'm not gonna see you again…once I leave……"

"Piiiii…"  
_'Then don't leave…'_

"…I have to," I whispered gently, "I know I can't…but…I have to…I'm gonna miss you, Pichupi…"

"…Pichupi…"  
_'…I'll miss you…'_

"…Bye…"

I stood up reluctantly and Pichupi took a few steps back to his sister, then stared up at me with huge round glistening eyes. I gave him one last reasurring smile, then gripped the straps of my backpack turned to the mountainside and the roaring waterfall where Nekiro told me I could leave through. When I told him he was leaving, he asked what I might need before I go. I asked him for some clothes, and a backpack to put some of the fruit in. It took him a matter of seconds to make those appear. He floated off to side and looked at me patiently.

Ready? he asked softly.

I nodded once, afraid to try to talk. He nodded back, then looked over his shoulder at Machochop and gave her an affirmative nod. She also nodded, flexed her arms once, then gripped the unseen boulder hidden behind the falling white water and gave it a mighty push. It didn't budge at first, but she quickly tamed it and pushed across so it rolled a little past the water and onto the grass, but stopped it before it could roll away.

Nekiro turned back to me.

There it is.

I nodded and tried to swallow, but couldn't. The inside of my mouth was as dry as a desert. I took a step forward. My feet felt like lead. A very significant part of me didn't want to leave this place, wouldn't let me…but another, equally important part, pushed me forward, forced me to…I let the rest of me look on and watch as those two battled it out. It looked like the "go" part was winning, because I took step after step until I was standing right next to waterfall. Drops of mist hit me while the rest of it rushed loudly past my ears. To my left, in the damp rock was a round opening that didn't quite reach my waist. I stared into the blackness within for a moment. "Welcoming" certainly wasn't a word I would choose to describe it…"Ominous" might work though…

A sudden nervousness hit me and I glanced anxiously back over my shoulder. There behind me were all the friends I'd made during my stay…Nekiro still floated there. Pichupi stood with Pichachu and the other Pichus. Rarater and Raterte stood closely together and sent me sad smiles. Larill and the other water Pokémon waved goodbye with their arms or fins or whatever from the lake formed by the waterfall. There were other Pokémon too. It wasn't always easy, but I'd made an effort to remember all of their names, and they told me I didn't do a bad job. But I've always been good with names. I'd hated it whenever someone forgot my name, so I made sure not to do the same thing.

I felt my mouth start to open, and I breathed out one word to my friends.

"Bye…"

Then I quickly bit my lip and turned away. I crouched down to enter the pitch black tunnel and began to crawl into it. I forced myself not to look back again in case something inside me decided to run back out and promise them I wouldn't do that again. That resolution faded as I heard rock grinding over rock and what little light had been in the tunnel was shut out with a final collision and I knew Machochop had sealed up the tunnel again. There was no more turning back.

I sat in the darkness for a moment while a lump rapidly grew in my throat. Finally, I panicked and somehow turned myself around and reached out for the opening I'd just come through. Instead, my hands found nothing but solid rock. I searched with my hands. The boulder was still wet from the waterfall, but there were no more openings or any chance of moving it out of the way. Despaired, I leaned forward slowly until my cheek touched the cold wet stone for I don't know how long. It couldn't have been much. I don't know if I cried, though I guess I should.

I imagined I could hear the Pokémon talking on the other side. Pichupi was standing there, angry that I'd left. He wanted them to open the tunnel again. Nekiro was calm and resilient. He said it was best for me to go. That I didn't really want to stay. That it was too late for me to come back anyway.

Finally, I decided that I needed to move or else I might forget how and be stuck there forever. I let go of the boulder and put my hands back on the floor so I could turn around again. When I was pretty sure I was facing the right direction, it was hard to tell without light, I started making my way down the tunnel.


	22. Keeping Faith

A/N: Here it is! Chapter 22! If you haven't seen the Lost Episode yet, you can go look at it now or after you're done here. It doesn't matter either way. It's the new Chapter 6. Also, if you're foggy about what happened before this chapter, and I wouldn't be surprised because it's been such a long time, then feel free to go back a bit and skim or read through the previous chapters. I edited a bit of 21 to fix a problem I forgot to address out of laziness…For those of you who don't want to go back and reread it to find the change, YES, Ash is wearing clothes. Nekiro made them for him.

And one last thing! I now have a mailing list! If you want updates on my fics and website, subscribe. There's a link thingy at my site. Tat's all. *^_^*;;

Chapter 22  
"Keeping Faith"

It was cold. It was damp. And it was _black_. There was no wind whatsoever, and the unseen walls of the tunnel pressed in from all around me. I had no idea how much time had passed, but the height of the tunnel had not changed at all and I was still forced to crawl. As I did, I ran my tail against the ceiling, hoping that sooner or later I wouldn't be able to touch it anymore, or at the very least it would rise a little, which meant I could probably stand up. That never happened. I was trying my best not to panic. I've never really considered myself to be claustrophobic, but as the minutes went by and the mountain above seemed more and more threatening in collapsing and crushing me in miles of solid rock, and the possibility that there just might not be a light at the end of the tunnel, and that Nekiro had in essence buried me alive by sending me in here…well I was starting to have my doubts about my lack of claustrophobia.

I continued to crawl. For a while, I tried closing my eyes, but when I opened them again, I realized it made absolutely no difference whatsoever. That was added to my list of uncomforting thoughts.

After what felt like hours, or maybe even days, it was hard to judge time in the absolute darkness, but it probably wasn't that long, I reached…not a light, but I very suddenly found my hand hit nothing but air. Luckily, I had the sense to stop going forward before I just crawled over the edge into oblivion. I wasn't sure what to do right away, so I reached out, just to see if I could touch anything, but I found myself simply swiping at air. With a frown, I settled back down as best I could. I took a moment to wipe tiny pieces of rock and gravel off my palms and rubbed my sore knees. I had long since started to wish that Nekiro had made me a pair of gloves too, but it was too late for that. Besides, the pants weren't really helping all that much. I was probably going to find some scrapes and bruises when I finally got around to checking…I peered around in the utter blackness and withheld a sigh…

_If I ever _can_ get around to checking…_

I curled my tail around me and peered through the murk, straining as hard as I could to see _anything_…but there wasn't anything to see.

_Now what…? Nekiro said this was the way out, and I _know_ he wouldn't lie to me…He wouldn't. He's not like that…_

_…Maybe I should go back…Will they let me back in?_

I looked over my shoulder and saw more of nothing.

_No…I already came this far…Besides…I…I said I'd come back to…_Pallet_…and I _will_…_

I looked down at the darkness again…Maybe…Maybe it wasn't as deep as it looked…With that hope, I about-faced and used my tail to try to feel out what was going on with the rocks and the empty space…A little over arm's length away was a wall of solid rock, and more rock above it. Below…there was nothing but air…

_…How appropriate…There's nowhere left to go but down right? Might as well start now…_

I was already in a tactical position, so I backed up slowly and gripped the rock as best I could with just my hands. I tried to find footholds on the cliff, but what little there were slid and crumbled away as soon as I put my weight on them. Soon, I was simply hanging off the edge and couldn't find anywhere to land by foot or tail.

_So…um…Let's see now…If I let go…I'll fall, that's for sure…Might not be a very long drop…Then again…it might be a _really_ long drop…And then what…?_

_Well, they all already think I'm dead, so they won't be disappointed,_ I reminded myself bitterly.

_Just a leap of faith…or something like that…Either way, nothing lost or gained, right…? Might as well go for it._

I took a deep breath, and let go. The fall wasn't short, but it wasn't as long as it could've been. As the air whipped up around me, I instinctively curled myselt tight maybe in hopes of cushioning the blow I knew was coming. I might have helped, just a little. I hit the bottom hard, enough to make me cry out a little, and immediately after, I found myself sinking into something. After I recovered, I tried to get out but there was no where to go except maybe up, but considering that was next to impossible and that's where I'd came from, I decided not to. I was also still sinking…in this…yucky…wet…stuff…I flailed blindly, but I only ended up sinking faster. There had to be somewhere else to go…I had already hit the bottom as far as I was concerned. I wasn't interested in sinking farther.

I gripped the rock opposite the side that I had fallen from to keep myself from slipping faster. I was already up to my chest in…stuff. I held fast and thought hard. I was surrounded by rock on all sides, and they all went up really high and were very hard to climb. I didn't even have much room in the little space either, not that it mattered, considering the ground was made out of…mud…or……_quicksand_?

_That's not a pleasant thought…_

I groaned and kicked the wall in frustration. Once I got the momentum to actually really move my foot, it shot forward and ended up hitting…more mud. I fell a little more at that, but I suddenly didn't mind. As a matter of fact…

_Okay, but this is the _last_ leap of faith for today…_

I sucked in all the air that I could, squeezed my eyes shut, and ducked under what I hoped was just really watery mud. As the slimy, gooey stuff squelched around and over me, it filled my ears with a sudden empty sound. I ignored that and felt my way around in the gunk. The rock wall was in front of me…I went a little lower, and sure enough, it ended, leaving an opening to more mud, and hopefully above that, an _exit_.

I moved forward using a swimming motion, trying not to make myself sink further. When I was sure I was past the rock, I kicked upwards and finally found myself at the surface, though it was harder to get past than water. I couldn't even tell I had hit air except for the fact that there wasn't anything pressing in around me anymore. The mud was still covering me like a sticky sheet and definitely wouldn't come off on its own. I moved blindly in the direction I hoped land was and finally, gratefully, reached solid ground. I pulled myself up and dragged myself across the grass until I was completely out of the mud. I tried to wipe it off my face, but it didn't quite work because my hands were also covered with mud. I wiped them furiously against the grass and then scooped it away from my eyes, nose and mouth. I forced my eyes open against their will, which let mud slip in and sting them, and took in deep, gaping breaths for cherished air. The mud was still everywhere else though…I tried picking it out of my ears, but that just made it worse.

With a sigh, I rolled onto my back and looked myself over. I was…_brown_…Browner than I'd ever been before, that's for sure. Even browner than when Gary pushed me into the mud that one time…Boy, Mom was mad about that…

I gritted my teeth. After all the trouble Nekiro went through…Well, it wasn't really _that_ much trouble. I just told him what I wanted and he made them appear…but still…these clothes had already outlived their usefulness. I was completely, totally covered in mud. I guessed it would take at least two baths or showers to get it all off…Speaking of which, a bath sounded really good right about then. That's what I needed. Water. Water would be good…At the very least I wanted to wash the mud out of my ears so I could hear better.

I groaned and rolled to sit up so I could stand from there. It was harder than I thought it'd be. I think the mud added a few extra pounds to my weight…Either way, I stood up, a little unsteadily, and tried going a few steps forward. That brought more unexpected displeasure. My knees didn't seem to enjoy being used in such a way after having to crawl through that tunnel for such a long time. Well, I was just going to have to grin and bear it, because I really wanted to get somewhere where I could take a bath…

I started my stiff walk through the forest. My luck was _great_, as the weather happened to be sunny and warm and the mud dried up quickly instead of having time to drip off over time…Oh yes, great luck there…My mood didn't improve any thanks to a grand headache I was developing more and more as I walked. I blamed it on the harsh sunlight after being stuck in that tunnel for such a long time. I wandered aimlessly in hopes that eventually I'd get to wherever I was going, which I hoped would be Pallet Town.

It was probably afternoon by the time I found something other than trees, trees and more trees…It was a dirt road. I wanted to be excited at seeing it, but a part of me was scared too. I didn't know where the road led, or which direction to take, if I even decided to follow it in the first place…No matter what, it was safe to assume that the road led somewhere…and somewhere…there would be…people…Who knew what they would…think…or do…if…they saw me…Would they recognize me…? What would they say if they did…? Did I really want to find out? Would Mom and Misty and Pikachu think any differently of me? They shouldn't, but…but things are different now than they might have been…We all are…

_There's…only one way to find out…_

I stared hard at the road…Just a simple, packed dirt road…All I really had to do was step onto it, pick a direction, and go…

I was about to do that when a distant movement reached the corner of my eye and I ducked down beneath the foliage after a quick glance to my left. Someone was coming, and he had a Pokémon with him…I cautiously peered through the leaves and branches to see someone in a purple t-shirt and dark blue pants approaching. He had an Umbreon by his side…

_Gary!?_

I sat back hard against the tree behind me and panicked quietly. My hand touched something warm by my side and I looked down to see myself holding my mud-covered tail and my panic alarms doubled.

_Maybe he won't see me…_

"Um?" came an unhuman voice.

"Something the matter, Umbreon?" Gary asked.

_Dammit._

I looked around anxiously for some way to hide my tail, but I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't look ridiculous…

_Think Ash…!_

I held my tail in my lap and wrenched it nervously. I stopped when I felt my hand brush against my crusted t-shirt.

_Idea! Now hurry up!_

Knowing full well the urgency of the situation as Gary and his Umbreon got closer, I lifted my shirt up just enough to be able to wrap my tail around my waist until it was like I was wearing an organic straightjacket. As soon as the tip was pressed solidly against me, I hurriedly tucked my shirt in and waited, still hoping that he'd just pass by without seeing me. I glanced down at my now slightly bulging stomach. It looked like I'd gained a few lumpy pounds, but that was a lot better than gaining a tail if you asked me.

I sat so anxiously as they got closer and closer. It seemed like forever since something had scared me…I was glad that normally this could be considered a minor thing to fear, because I didn't want to test out a real fear at that time. I wasn't used to it. There wasn't anything to be afraid of in that valley other than what my own imagination and clumsiness cooked up.

"Something in there, Umbreon?" Gary asked as Umbreon sniffed around the edge of the path, way too close for comfort.

"Bree…eon…"  
_'Yeah…Smells strange…'_

_I smell strange? I hope it's just because of the mud…_

Soon enough, a black muzzle poked through the brush, followed by crystalline red eyes and a golden furred oval. Our eyes locked and Umbreon blinked a few times while I sat there, trying and failing to think of something, anything, to do or say…

"…Breon…?" Umbreon breathed.  
_'…Do I know you…?'_

He withdrew his head and barked to Gary. "Um! Umbre! Umbreon!"  
_'There's someone in there, Gary!'_

…I remembered once, long before I became champion, when I challenged Gary to translate what his Pokémon were saying for me. He didn't do _too_ badly, but what got me was how all of his Pokémon referred to him as "Master". It struck me as _wrong_, and I told him that. He thought I was just being silly at first, but it turned out that after he had a little talk with his Pokémon about it, they all came to the agreement that they'd call him Gary from then on. I think they were all happier with that.

"Someone? You mean…a person?"

"Bre," Umbreon nodded.  
_'Yes.'_

"I wonder who it is…" he murmured to himself, then followed louder, "Hello…? Are you okay…?" Gary moved closer and pushed branches and bushes out of his way to get a better view of me…

I shot him a frozen grin as he blinked and stared at me for a long moment. As he did, I consciencely hugged my arms across my stomach in an attempt to casually hide the bumps and lumps caused by my tightly coiled tail.

"Um…What…er…Who…uh…Who are you…?" he asked cautiously, "And…what…happened…to you…?"

I opened my mouth in attempt to reply, but my voice got trapped somewhere along the way and nothing came out.

"Brreee…" Umbreon warned.  
_'There's something strange and…familiar about him…'_

_…You guys really don't recognize me…?_

Gary nodded in reply to his Umbreon without taking his gaze away from me. He wore a deep frown on his face, like he was trying hard to identify me…

"…Do you need help…?" he asked eventually.

_Do…I…? I don't know…Maybe…_

I had to say something…I didn't want him to think that I was trying to hide who I was…

"…Gary…?" I said, forcing my voice out of my lungs.

Both him and Umbreon had the same reaction. First, a truly spooked look flashed over their faces, and they both backed up several steps. The spooked look stayed as they continued to stare at me for the longest time…Finally…Gary's expression changed to something more like relief or joy…I'd never imagined he'd be so happy to see _me_…

"Ash…Is…Is it really you…?" he whispered in awe.

I nodded slowly. I thought I saw tears in his eyes, but I knew better…Gary wouldn't cry over anything…not in front of me…

"…You're…You're alive…" he continued, then added with a grin, "I _knew_ it!! I knew you wouldn't just die on us! Ha!…" He chuckled for a second, but that trailed off quickly and he became serious and got closer again. "Where've you been…? You were gone such a long time…Everyone thinks you're…"

"Dead?" He nodded and I sighed. "I dunno…I was…somewhere…It's…not important…"

"…Are you alright…?"

I was a little surprised he didn't press me further, but maybe he just wanted to get me home first and ask questions later…

"Huh…? Oh…yeah, I'm fine…just…muddy, that's all."

"…That's a lotta mud, Ash…"

"Yeah, I know…"

"……I was just heading back to Pallet…You wanna come with me?"

"…Sure…I was…kinda hoping to end up there too…"

Gary nodded and gave me one of his trademark smirks, but this time it was friendly, not mean. "Let's go then!"

I nodded back and added my own slight smile. He even offered to help me up and I accepted. It gave me an excuse to keep an arm over my stomach, and besides, Gary was being really nice to me. That didn't happen very often.

Once I was up, he helped me past the brush and onto the road. He even paused to make sure I was really okay. Other than being a little dizzy from standing up so fast, I was fine…

"…You got a stomachace?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"You're holding your stomach like it hurts…You okay?"

_A stomachache? No, I don't…but…that's an excuse to keep my arms there…_

"Uh……A little…It's not much…Don't worry about it."

"…You sure?" he asked doubtfully, "I have some Shuckle pills in my pack if you want to try 'em…They work really fast."

_Not those things!_

"Uh…That's okay Gary…I'll be fine."

He shrugged it off. "If you say so…Now come on. Everyone's gonna be so glad to see you…"

"…Yeah…"

We started walking in relative silence. I couldn't help but kind of hang to the back. I don't know why…I guess I was just so paranoid about them finding out about…everything…that it made me feel better just to stay out of their direct field of vision. Gary didn't seem to mind too much. He kept glancing at me every once in a while, probably just to make sure I was still there. Umbreon was freaking me out though. He stayed by Gary's side the entire time, but never took his eyes off of me. It was like he was trying to stare right through me and get deep inside…and with the intense look of those red coals, I almost believed he could.

"…Gary?" I whispered finally. I couldn't take it any longer.

"Hm?" he replied, glancing over his shoulder.

"…Can you tell your Umbreon to stop staring at me…?" I asked timidly.

"Huh? Umbreon! Don't stare at him!" he scolded then grinned at me, "That good?"

"…I guess…"

Umbreon finally looked away, but not after muttering to himself, "Umbreon, umbre…"  
_'There's something different about him. I _know_ it…'_

_He can tell…? Is it that obvious?_

"What was that, Umbreon?" Gary asked.

"Breon," Umbreon shook his head.  
_'Nothing.'_

Again, Gary just shrugged it off and kept walking. Typical Gary behavior, but…he was still acting different from a little while ago…

_Did he get over me being back that fast, or is it something different? Maybe it's the opposite. Maybe he just realized what this means…or maybe…Maybe he's scared…Maybe he can tell too…but which difference?_

"Hey Ash?" he asked suddenly, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"Does this mean you're actually going to defend your title at the tournament?"

_…What?…The…!_

"The tournament!!?"

He glanced back at me oddly. "Yeah, the tournament. It started yesterday. Didn't you know that?"

"_Yesterday!!?_"

He stopped walking, so Umbreon and I did too.

"Ash…Don't tell me you forgot about it…"

"I…I…"

_No point in lying…_

"I forgot all about it…!" I concede and hang my head.

Gary frowned at me, but not in angry way. It's more like he's confused…or trying to comprehend that I really did mean that…

"…How could you forget about something like that…?" he asked finally.

_How indeed…_

I shrugged. "I guess I just…_did_…That's all…"

He kind of sighed with his arms crossed and looked up at the sky. He kept looking while he talked to me.

"…You know…I wasn't gonna compete this year…I still can't. It's too late to register now…"

"What!?"

_How could _Gary_ not want to compete in a League Tournament!?_

He still didn't look down, instead he continued as if he didn't even hear me. "After I heard that you…were gone………I…I didn't wanna believe it at first…I looked all over the place for you. All my Pokémon did too. So did all of your friends. They split up and searched everywhere around Pallet Town. I searched farther…Even when they gave up, I kept searching…because I didn't believe that you were really gone…but…with the tournament getting closer, and you still being gone…I…I just couldn't imagine competing knowing I'd never have the chance to face you in battle, so instead I made a vow to train my hardest for the entire year, so I'd be ready for you when you came back…Remember, you're my rival, Ash, and the damn best one I could ever hope for. I'm gonna take that title away from you some day, but believe me, I'm gonna take it from you in a _battle_. I'd never be content with myself if I got it just because you weren't there to defend it…"

With that, he sharply stared down at his feet and his Umbreon gave an approving nod. I just waited for him to say something else, finding myself at a loss for words.

At long last, he turned on his heel to face down the path to Pallet again.

"Let's get going…" he muttered.


	23. Coming Clean

A/N: I hate puns…Sorry for the title, but I couldn't think of anything else. Tat's all! *^_^*;

Chapter 23  
"Coming Clean"

When we finally reached Pallet Town, we went to Gary's house first. I wanted to get washed up first and foremost. I wasn't too keen on being welcomed back home while I was still covered from head to toe in mud, and Gary agreed.

There was no one home when we got there. Gary said his parents were probably at work or something. He led me upstairs to his room…It'd been a while since I'd been up there…

Once we got there, Gary paused to look me up and down. From the look on his face, he didn't like what he saw.

"Y'know…I'd offer to wash those for ya, but…I don't think that mud's gonna come off so easily…Why don't you just borrow some of my clothes? They should fit you pretty good…Here, I'll get some for ya, you go take a shower…"

"Um…Okay."

"Use the bathroom in the hall…"

"…Er…Alright."

"There should be towels and stuff in there already."

"Kay."

"…Alright."

I found the bathroom easily. I already knew where it was to begin with. I stopped for a second as I passed Mayo's, his little sister's, room…

_That's right, she's gone isn't she…? Left on a Pokémon journey, didn't she?…I hope she's doing okay…I wonder if she'll be at the tournament…_

I shrugged it off and went in the bathroom. The first thing I did after closing the door was take of my shirt and let my tail uncurl. It had been horribly cramped under there and I was rewarded for releasing it by an onset of pins and needles. I winced and held it stiffly in the air for until they went away.

I caught my reflection in the mirror and very nearly freaked. The only parts of me that weren't completely brown were the parts of my face that I'd cleared, my hands, and the area that had been most covered by my shirt. Before I'd taken it off, it probably looked like I was just one messy mud monster. My hair was clumped together as one entity with various smaller clumps sticking out at odd angles, also a little longer than I last remembered it, and with color now being what it was, it gave me a sickening resemblance to my rival…

At that point, I stopped looking at the mirror and went on with the whole showering business. It was _very_ nice to finally get rid of all that mud, though it wasn't easy.

When I was satisfied with my cleanliness, I turned off the water, got out of the shower and grabbed a towel. It was then that I remembered something very important.

_Gary doesn't know about my tail. Gary doesn't _need_ to know about it. I don't _want_ him to know about it…but there's a chance he _will_ unless…_

I wrapped the towel around my waist and looked behind me in dismay. There wasn't gonna be any easy way to hide that…

I stressed over that for a while, and eventually Gary came by and knocked on the door.

"You done yet? Sounds like you turned the water off…"

"Uh-! I…ummm…Y-yeah, I'm done, I just…uh……"

"…So what's the problem? There's a towel in there, isn't there?"

"Uhhhhhh……"

"…Isn't there…?"

_Well, yeah there is, but……Okay, if I say no…he'll probably just get me another one…but…_

"…The mud came off right?"

"…Um…Yeah…"

"So what's the problem?"

"…N-nothing…just…um……Uh…D'ya think maybe you could um…I dunno…slip the clothes under the door or something…?"

There was a fairly long pause from the other side of the door. Finally, Gary replied deliberately, "Ash…are you nuts!? There's no way _that's_ gonna happen."

I looked at the crack under the door. He was probably right.

"…Oh yeah…"

"……Is something wrong?"

"Uhhhh……N-no…No…Nothing's wrong…"

"……You sure?"

"Yes!"

"……So why haven't you come out yet?"

"Uhhhhh…"

"…I won't look if that's what you're worried about……"

"Really?"

"…Duh."

"Oh um…Okay…? So uh…are you gonna go away now?"

Another pause.

"………If it really bothers you that much, I'll just get the clothes and hand 'em to you from here. You won't have to open the door more than a crack."

"…I guess that'll work…"

"……Okay, give me a second…"

"Kay."

I heard him walk away and he came back a little later.

"Okay, Ash, open up…"

"Er…Alright…"

I stood with my side against the door and my tail against the ground so Gary wouldn't notice anything unusual if he _did_ look in at all, then I opened the door just a crack. Gary's voice came through clearer now that it was open.

"Here Ash, I think you can wear these. Now…"

He trailed off very suddenly and no sooner did he do that than the door slammed into me and I hit the wall and fell down in surprise, bringing serious pain to my butt and jarring the already present ache in my head.

…To his credit, Gary _did_ bring me some clothes…That's the only good thing there was to say about him at that moment though.

"Ha! Now what-" he started and stopped _very_ suddenly as he found himself standing over me.

I forced myself to look at him, even after he cut himself off. All signs of the gloating he had planned were gone. The clothes for me were dropped thoughtlessly to the floor. He stared at, or rather, behind me, with his jaw agape and eyes wide and unblinking. I could see disbelief slowly, painfully trying to register on his face. It just wasn't coming though. He seemed to be stuck on "shock."

_He knows…and now he thinks…_

I couldn't take it any longer. I could feel tears of fright burning at my eyes. Keeping the towel secure with one hand and grabbing the discarded clothes with the other, I bolted out of the room, nearly tripped on a shadow, Umbreon, then ran into the closest safe haven, Mayo's room, and slammed and locked the door behind me.

_He knows…He knows…and…that look he was giving me…He…What does he think of me now…?_

"Ash!!"

I ignored him as he started banging on the door for my attention. Instead, I put the clothes on. A black t-shirt and green shorts. I guess they were weather-appropriate. It was summer wasn't it? It had to be, because that's when the tournament's held. They were a little musty. Of course Gary wouldn't give me clothes he'd actually worn in the past year.

I didn't bother hiding my tail that time, but since those clothes weren't custom fitted, I still wasn't very comfortable. By the time I was done, Gary had given up on trying to get me out of there. I unlocked the door and sat on the floor with my back to Mayo's bed. On the way there, I saw a stuffed Pikachu doll on her dresser and I picked it up and took it with me. I sat there and hugged it while I wondered about what would become of me.

_Gary…It sounded like he was trying to apologize, but…I saw that look on his face. He…He thinks…_

I was able to stop myself from crying. It was a good thing too. I didn't want to ruin Mayo's Pikachu.

Gary came back after a little bit and tapped on the door.

"Ash, can I come in now…?"

I swallowed and whispered, "The door's not locked…"

"Um," I heard Umbreon say quietly.  
_'He said yes.'_

The doorknob clicked and turned. Gary poked his head in and looked around hesitantly until he saw me. He didn't move or say anything right away, but then he swallowed and opened the door more to let him and Umbreon in, then closed it behind him. Umbreon was content to sit where he was standing and continue to peer at me exactly as he'd been doing when they first found me. Gary stared too, but unlike Umbreon, he was staring at…my tail…Finally, he straightened up, coughed a little, and actually looked at _me_.

"…A-Ash…? Um…"

He wanted me to say something first, that I could tell. Too bad for him, I didn't have anything to say. He waited anxiously for me before continuing.

"…I…Uhh………I'm…sorry…I just, um…That…uh…" He fidgeted more before sighing and finally sitting just across from me. His eyes kept wandering over to my tail and eventually he gave up and just frowned at it without any attempt to hide that he was staring. Sooner or later, he asked me, "…It's real, isn't it…?"

I just nodded in reply.

"C…Can I…um…?" He tentatively reached out a hand and I flicked my tail away instinctively, but then forced myself to hold it still. He didn't move his hand or his eyes. Finally, he swallowed and sat back then looked directly at me. "…Ash……how…er…I mean…I…I don't get it…Where did you-? How…?"

_……Look, you knew you were gonna have to show them sooner or later…Gary knows about it _now_. You owe him _some_ sort of explanation…_

"…It's…It's a long story……"

"…I think we've got time. If we don't, I'll make it."

"……No…I…I'd rather only tell it once……"

"……Oh…So…You were gonna show it to me with…everyone else?"

"…Yeah, pretty much…"

"…I guess I can understand that…"

"……You see why I didn't come back right away now too, don't you…?" I asked in a half-hearted attempt at a joke.

"…Yeah…I do…" he said, not laughing, "…Uh…So…You mean you've been like this for a whole month…?"

I mentally winced at his word choice, but there was some truth to it.

"…Yeah…It took some getting used to…"

"I'll bet…"

We were quiet after that. Gary spoke again after a while.

"You're not exactly planning on just walking through town again are you? I mean, with a tail and being missing for a month…It doesn't sound like a good plan if you ask me…"

I looked up at him in surprise…

_Is he offering to…help?_

"What else would I do…?" I asked.

He stood up and grinned cockily. "Well, it wasn't so bad the first time, because no one would recognize you in all that mud anyway, but now…"

"…Oh…yeah…Um…Good point."

"Don't worry about that, I think I have an idea…" He kept grinning. "Come on."

He and Umbreon left, and I followed him to his room after carefully setting the Pikachu doll back where I found it. I caught up with them to find Gary staring into his closet, with his weight on one foot and a hand on his hip. He turned and grinned a little when he noticed me.

"This oughta fit ya. It's a little old, but…you haven't grown much, Ashy boy…"

I made a face at that crack at me, but I didn't say anything. Besides, it didn't sound like he put enough effort into that anyway.

He reached into the closet and pulled out…a……black…blanket?

_No, that's not what it is…_

"What…?" I started.

"It's a cloak, okay? Just wear it. No one'll recognize you and no one's gonna see…um……your…tail……Here, take it."

He held it at arm's length and took about one and a half steps closer to me before stopping. I took it from him, and after giving him an odd look, I examined the…cloak…I could tell he was right about it being old. At least it didn't look like it would be too small on me, but I hoped that was just because he got it oversized whenever it was that he got it.

"What are you waiting for? Put it on already. It just goes over everything. Hurry up."

"Geez, be a little patient," I muttered under my breath.

I fiddled with fastener stuff between the hood and the rest of the cloak in a pitiful attempt to figure out how to make it work. Sooner rather than later, Gary got impatient, took it from me, did something to it, then draped it around me and fixed it back up.

"There. Now don't touch anything," he instructed.

I didn't need to be told twice, but…

I glanced over at his dresser. The hood was still down, so I could see my head, but…

_Well, if I put it up…_

I tried that out. Just as I expected, I was no longer visible. With the hood up, I was just…well I thought I looked like a gothic coathanger or something. At least I couldn't see my tail…

"…Gary…?"

"What?"

"Um…No offense, but……won't this just make me look even more suspicious?"

He turned a slight shade of angry red, but other than that kept his cool.

"Would you rather walk around with everyone able to see who and…who you are and that…that……"

I sighed before he finished.

"Point taken."

"So…Next stop, Ketchum residence?"

Something stirred chillingly inside of me, and I couldn't tell if it was a good or a bad thing. I decided to ignore it.

"…Yeah."

            *  *  *

The walk through Pallet Town went by rather uneventfully. The two of us only got a few odd glances, mostly aimed at me. Gary got a few smiles and waves followed by hesitant ones for me. I didn't acknowledge them. I didn't feel like it. Maybe it was because of how I knew I looked in that cloak, or maybe I just didn't want to attract too much attention to myself.

I didn't talk any to Gary either. We'd both agreed that even if no one could see how I looked, they'd at least recognize me by voice, the same way he did. I didn't have anything to say to him anyway, but I think he did. Probably just a _lot_ of stupid questions…Well, maybe not stupid, but questions I probably wouldn't enjoy putting up with.

The silence also brought back to mind something that I'd been doing a pretty good job of ignoring before. Well, it probably wasn't a big deal, but that headache of mine still hadn't gone away. That fall in the bathroom probably hadn't helped any, but I was pretty sure it would go away eventually.

We were getting closer. I could just tell, even without looking around at the ever familiar surroundings. Just over the next hill, I could see the very top of a grand ash tree. That stirring came back to me, but this time it was filled with unbearable excitement. I still couldn't tell if it was good or bad.

"Gary?" I whispered, anxious at last at the prospect of coming home.

"You're supposed to be being quiet," he whispered back.

"…I know, but……I…I can't…Everyone…at home…they're……how are they…?"

"…You're about to find out you know," he replied with annoyance evident in his voice.

"…I know…but…I don't know……Hey, um…Don't…don't tell them about……you know…I wanna tell 'em…when I'm ready. Kay?"

He looked at me silently for a while before asking, "…When are you gonna be ready?"

I bit my lip and looked away. "…I don't know…"

He shrugged with his shoulders and arms and also looked away. "Whatever…Just promise me you won't make me keep your secret forever, 'cause I won't."

_…Of course…Figures._

"……Alright…"


	24. Disguised Secrets

A/N: It's probably just a fluke that I finished this one so fast, so don't _expect_ the next one so quickly…but you never know… *^_^*;;

Chapter 24  
"Disguised Secrets"

_Pikachu…!!_

I wanted to start running as soon as I saw that little yellow spot sitting on the fence, but Gary gave me a definite warning glare and I resisted, but I still couldn't help but quicken, if not double, the pace we were walking at. Gary didn't seem pleased, but he didn't say anything.

I can't say that I wasn't scared. I was terrified. I didn't know how much had or hadn't changed since I'd left. I didn't know how they'd react right away, or worse, how they'd react later. I wasn't sure I wanted to find out, but I also knew that I _had_ to. At the very least, I wanted to see them all again. I'd missed them so badly…

Pikachu was staring at me. I knew I was staring at him, still trying so hard to stop myself from just all out sprinting straight at him.

His ears twitched and he blinked at me. I saw him whisper a "Pika?" and his tail raised. Slowly, a broad grin spread across his tiny face and his eyes shone like a million tears in an endlessly starry night sky.

"_PIKAPI!!!_"

I couldn't help but grin and laugh for the first time since I'd left the sanctuary. I knelt down and spread my arms wide to catch Pikachu as he ran to me with all the agility of fifty Pikachus. He practically exploded into my chest but I caught him and laughed as tears of joy rolled down both our faces.

I don't think I'd ever seen Pikachu cry so much. He started babbling and I just hugged him as tight as I could without squeezing him to death.

"Pika, pika, pikachu, pikapi, pikaa pikapikachu, pikaaa pikachu! Pikachupikapika…"  
_'Where have you been, I've missed you so much Ash! You should've brought me with you wherever you went but I'm so glad you're back and I'm never letting you go again. Just stay with me forever and ever like you promised. I knew you wouldn't break your promise…but now what's with you? You smell different…'_

He paused towards the end to reflect on that, but shrugged it off as quickly as it came up.

"Pikachuuuu pikapiii…"  
_'I don't care as long as you're back…'_

He rubbed against me affectionately for a while longer before looking up at me and smiling with tearful eyes. He kept that smile on his face as he climbed up _into_ the hood and positioned himself on my shoulder, where he rubbed his cheek against mine. I felt a jolting tingle of electricity, but after all this time away from him, I couldn't be anything but happy about it.

"Pika, pika, pikapi…?" he asked teasingly.  
_'Why're you wearing this thing anyway?'_

I just kept grinning, but I didn't answer him.

Gary, who'd been quietly watching all this, finally decided to speak up.

"You know, Ash…There's more where that came from."

"…I know…I hope they're as happy…" I forced a small laugh.

"Pikachuuu…"  
_'They will be.'_

We approached the house again and went in through the gate. Gary strode purposefully up to the door and knocked loudly. I don't know why, but I hung to the back. As we waited for the door to open, I stood there stiffly. I could feel my knees freezing, shaking. I clenched my fists so tightly I was sure the knuckles would be white if I checked them. I bit down hard on my lower lip and stared straight ahead, too nervous to do anything else. Pikachu could sense this easily and rubbed my cheek again, this time in comfort.

Ages later, the door swung open revealing a familiar and not scrawny at all redhead. I think my heart skipped a beat when I saw her. She was even more beautiful than I remembered…

She saw Gary right away and I saw her fight between being angry at him, and…something else. I think angry won.

"Gary! You know you don't have to knock so lou-" She stopped in mid-word when she saw me and literally jumped in surprise. "Geez!! What the hell…? Oh! Uh…Sorry," she added, raising a hand in apology, "You just surprised me, that's all…" She turned to Gary again and whispered, "You sure have weird taste in friends…What's up with the reaper look?"

He flushed, "That's _my_ cloak! I'll explain later, just let us in okay?"

Misty sighed in annoyance, but opened the door wider for us. "Alright…Does…he…she…whatever…have a name…?"

Gary stepped in and Umbreon and I followed. He gave her a knowing smile. "Of course he does…"

I ducked my head as I passed her. I don't know why. She closed the door behind us and gave me a weird look.

"So…you gonna introduce us?" she asked Gary.

"…I _could_ but…" He shrugged at me. "Why don't you just make it easy and put down that hood?"

I nodded, though I guess they couldn't see that, and did as he said. No sooner had I done that, than Misty gasped loudly, her eyes grew as big as apples and she took several, stumbling steps backwards, all the while, just _staring_ at me…

At that moment, my mom called from another room in the house, "Misty? Who's that at the door?"

Misty didn't answer, and she didn't stop staring at me. She made some strange noises and I realized she was trying to talk when I heard her whisper, "A…A……Ash??"

I was more than unnerved at her reaction. She was taking the longest to recover than anyone else…I just nodded again, since I couldn't think of anything else to do or say.

It turned out I didn't have to. She made a small but powerful cry of joy and flung herself at me, hugging me as tight as I'd held Pikachu and crying nearly as much. She sobbed into me, and refused to let go. Her body was warm, pressed tightly against mine. It took me a moment to remember that I was supposed to hug her back, and I did. It felt strange to though…Maybe it was because she was the biggest living thing I'd hugged in a month. I wasn't used to it, but it wasn't a bad sort of strange. I liked being able to hug her. I was even more surprised and more happy when she kissed me. She didn't really need to say anything. I could tell from the kiss. She'd missed me a lot. Enough that I was able to ignore the strange gagging noises Gary was making. When she stopped, she just leaned against me warmly and didn't make any attempt to move away.

"Ash…" she mumbled, "You're back…You're really back……" She smiled at me, then at Pikachu. "…You knew, didn't you, Pikachu…?"

Pikachu nodded. "Pika."  
_'Yeah…'_

"…Huh…?" I wondered out loud.

Misty smiled at me again. "Pikachu was so happy today…I'd never seen him so happy since you disappeared. He kept whispering about Pikapi and insisted on sitting out on that fence post all day. He must've somehow just _known_ that you were coming back today…"

Pikachu chaaed in agreement and rubbed his cheek against mine again.

Misty kept a pert little smile on her face as she gazed at me. "That must've been some walk you took, Ashura…"

"What?!" I yelped. She'd _never_ called me _that_ before. I thought she didn't even _know_ about that name…

She shrugged. "That's what you put on your 'note'…Don't know why you never mentioned it before…It's a cute name."

_Cute!?_

"But…I wrote _Ash_. I know I did…!"

Another, sweet voice replied to me, "Actually…you wrote Ashura…"

I spun around, mostly letting Misty go in the process, and saw Mom smiling at me, with tears in her eyes.

_They're all so happy to see me, but they're all crying…because they're happy……_

She walked to me, her crystal tears falling gently down her face. Misty let go of my hand to let Mom sweep me up in her arms and kiss my head softly. I was happy to see her again too…until she asked the one question I _didn't_ want to hear.

"Where have you been, sweetie…?" she whispered.

I stiffened as something caught in my throat. I…I couldn't think, couldn't answer…My head was hurting…

"Yeah, Ash," Gary added, "The gang's all here. Why don't you tell us all what's going on now?" He gave me a meaningful look.

"……Ah……I……"

Mom let go of me. "Ash, why don't you take that thing off and we can all sit down while you tell us all about it?"

_Take it off!?_

"Uhhhhhh………"

Gary coughed into his hand. If he was trying to get something across to me, I couldn't figure out what it was.

"Th-th-th-that's okay…" I answered dazedly, "I'm…I'm a little cold. Eheh…heh…"

"Oh, do you want me to turn the heat up?" Mom asked.

"N-n-n-no, I'm fine…Just…don't worry about it…Eheheh…"

She blinked. "Oh…Um…Okay……Well, let's all sit down then."

We all agreed and took seats in the living room. I ended up sitting in the middle of the couch with Mom and Misty on either side of me and Pikachu still relentlessly clutched to my shoulder. Gary sat on a chair with Umbreon at his feet, but even he leaned forward in interest to hear whatever I had to say.

"Come on, Ash," he said, "You probably have quite a…tale…to tell…"

I shot him a deathglare, but it only slightly weakened his cheeky grin. I sighed in annoyance and peered down as I fidgeted with the hem of the cloak, but I was careful not to show too much beneath it. I had to nearly sit on my tail to keep it from being sat on by anyone else. Better me than them at least. I kept playing with the cloak while I tried to think of somewhere to start and what exactly I could and would tell them…

"Come on, Ash…" Misty whispered, squeezing my arm warmly, "Let's hear it."

I nodded and swallowed, even though I still had _no_ idea where to start…

I glanced at Mom. "Did I really write Ashura?"

_When in doubt, change the subject._

She looked a little surprised at my question, but answered, "Yes…Yes you did. You wrote…" She paused a second to think. "'Gone walk. Back time. Ashura.'"

"Wh…No I didn't!"

"Yeah, you did, Ash…" Misty said seriously.

Gary raised his hand. "I saw it too. That's what it said."

"We still have the note if you want to see it…" Mom told me.

"Wha…But…?"

Misty had tears in her eyes again, but this time she wasn't smiling. She looked like she was trying hard not to all out cry.

"I knew you couldn't be feeling okay when you wrote that…We were so worried…"

Mom nodded in sympathy and rubbed my back, I guess to comfort me as I processed all of this.

"…That still doesn't explain where you were," Gary put in, "or…you know…or why you were covered in _mud_…"

_'I know'…Thanks a lot Gary. Now be quiet! I'll get around to it, okay?_

"Mud…?" Misty asked in surprise.

I sighed. "We had to stop by Gary's so I could take a shower. He lent me his clothes too…"

"Really…?" Misty asked curiously, "More than just the cloak?" She tried to take a peek, but I stopped her before she could even touch it. She winced from my sudden grip. "What was that for!?"

"…Later."

"What…??"

I used my free hand to rub my temple. "I'll explain later. Let me get there first…"

She stared at me strangely for a while, but soon sat back, and I let her go.

"Start talking," she said bluntly.

I sighed again. I really would've liked to have done that, but…what was I supposed to say?

I fidgeted with the cloak again. It really made for a nice distraction. I'd never worn something quite like that before, and it was fascinating. Especially when I was supposed to be concentrating on other things…

"Ash…We're waiting…" Misty reminded me.

"…Oh…yeah……Yeah……I…I know that……I'm just, um…thinking…"

Mom jumped on that opportunity, but hid that fact quite well with her sweet voice and gentle manner. "Thinking about what, honey?" I tensed as she put her hand on my shoulder.

_What can I tell them? What _was_ I thinking about anyway?_

"…I don't know," I whispered, "I…really don't know where to start…"

"Why don't you try the beginning?" Misty suggested.

"……Oh…I…guess…that could…work…"

"Where did you go?" Mom asked.

_…You ever wonder how they sew stuff? Like with the edges of this cloak. They're nothing fancy, but you gotta wonder about the needle and the thread and how much thread they must've used to sew that much cloth…How do they make the cloth anyway? Isn't it all just more thread? So why does the stitching at the edge look different? Do they use a thicker piece of thread, or…_

"Ash! Did you even hear what she said!?" Misty demanded.

_…And they have to get all that thread from somewhere…I wonder if this is Mareep wool…and if it is, how did they make it black? What kind of dye did they use?_

"Hello…? Earth to Ketchum!" Gary added impatiently.

_I wonder where Gary got this thing in the first place…_

_Maybe I should say something…_

I looked up. "…Huh…?"

"He lives…again…" Misty commented dryly, then said more seriously, "Ash, your mom asked where you went and you just kinda…I dunno…Took a trip to la-la land…"

"……Oh…yeah…"

"Sooo…?" she pressed.

"…Oh yeah…Where did I go? Ummm…I went…uh…some…where…um…You know. Somewhere."

That statement was rewarded by blank stares all around, which eventually turned into not-so-happy faces.

"No, Ash. We _don't_ know…" Misty said, "We were kind of hoping you would actually _tell_ us…'Somewhere' does not cut it."

"……Well…I don't know really exactly. It was just…somewhere…I couldn't go back and find it if I tried…It was just…there…and that's where I went……"

"…You don't know where you were…?" Misty asked quietly.

I shook my head. "Not really…I mean, I know I was somewhere, and…I guess I knew how to get back, since I did, but…I mean, I couldn't point it out on a map."

"Where'd you go to get there? How long'd it take?" Gary questioned.

"…Um…I…don't…really…know…Uhh…I don't really remember much from on the way there…Just…kinda what happened when I got there…"

"And what was that?" asked Misty.

I didn't answer that right away. I couldn't…I didn't want to tell them yet…but I had to answer with _something_…

"…I……um…Nnnothing much really…Uh…Just…I dunno. Nothing important."

"…Then what made you decide to stay there…?"

"Uhhhh…"

I happened to lock eyes with Gary, and just from that one instance, I could tell that he knew. He knew what happened when I got there, and also in that one fleeting glance, I made every effort to make it clear that I _didn't_ want him saying anything. The next second we looked away, and I could only hope.

I shrugged and looked back at the cloak again, still so fascinating…

"I dunno, I guess I just kinda did…" I mumbled.

"There must've been another reason…It must've been somewhere really hard to get to," Misty said, "_Everyone_ was looking for you…Are you _sure_ you don't know where you were?"

I gripped the cloak tightly. My head was hurting more now.

_I wish they would just stop asking me these questions…_

"…There was nothing special about it…" I whispered hoarsely, "I just picked a spot randomly and stayed there for a moon. That's all there is to it."

I don't think Gary was the only one to pick up on my word slip, but he was the first to point it out.

"A…moon…?"

"Huh?"

"You stayed there for a moon?" he asked again, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Wha…Oh! Ummmm…You know…Moon. Month…Same thing…Heh…Right?"

"Not…exactly…" he relented.

"Um…So…I guess that's all there is to say, huh?" I asked, more than eager to change the subject.

Gary glared at me. "I don't know, Ash…" he said bitingly, "You sure you didn't forget anything, looking _back_ at it…?"

I glowered right back at him. "_Yes_ Gary, I'm _sure_…"

"That's an awful lot of _nothing_ for a whole 'moon,' if you ask me…"

"Well maybe because _nothing_ happened…!"

"If nothing was going on, then why did you decide to take your sweet time getting back?"

"_Maybe I wasn't ready to come back yet_…"

"When are you _ever_ gonna be ready!?"

"When I say so!"

"You mean _never_!"

"Whoawhoawhoa, waitasecond…" Misty interrupted, standing up and spreading her arms between us, "Ash…Gary…_What exactly_ are you two arguing about…?"

"Gh-! Eh…He's not telling us everything! Can't you tell!?" Gary said accusingly.

I wanted nothing more than to jump up and just make him shut up, but doing that would only prove his point, so I forced myself to stay seated and just glare heatedly at him.

"I said everything there is to say…" I whispered icily.

"No you didn't!!"

"Gary!! Calm down!" Misty shouted, "Ash! You…Tell us the truth…"

"I did!"

She stared down at me, concentrating very hard…

"……You're not."

"…Wh-what…?"

"There's more…Out with it. _Now_."

"But Mis-"

"_Now!_ I didn't wait around here for a whole month just to be _lied_ to when you came back! Now come on Ash, just tell us the truth!"

I bit my lip and stared at the cloak again. I focused on the blackness of it, trying to see if it would help me from crying.

"…_Ash!_ Come on! If you just tell us now, I'll forgive you, but if you don't and I find out whatever it is later, it won't be so easy to do that!"

The cloak wasn't helping.

"…I…I can't…" I whimpered, "I just…"

"…Why not…?" she asked again, gentler this time.

I shook my head. Pikachu rubbed cheeks again, but this time it didn't make me feel better.

"…You want me to tell 'em?" Gary asked.

"No!!" I exclaimed.

Misty stared at me. "…You…You told Gary already but you still don't want to tell me-us!?"

"No!! I didn't want to tell anyone! He just kinda…found out…" I glared at him again through sore eyes.

"It's a good thing I did or else you probably never woulda said anything about it!"

"Gary!!"

"Take off that damned cloak, Ash. Show them already!"

"_Gary!!!_"

"What are you waiting for!?"

"Gary, please…!" I pleaded with him, near tears.

"Why does it matter if they find out now or later? You _are_ gonna show them aren't you?!"

"I'm not ready yet…!"

Mom cleared her throat and we both shut up, but I could still feel the tension thick in the room.

"Ash…Gary…What are you talking about? What are you hiding, Ash? What's under the cloak?"

I stared downwards. I knew they were all looking at me. I wished they weren't. I felt like I wanted to disappear. My head was pounding too.

_Why does Gary always have to go and open his big mouth!? I said I'd tell them when I'm ready…Why didn't he believe me?_

I hid my face in my hands and kept trying not to cry. I couldn't believe this was happening…It wasn't supposed to be like this…

_I came back because I missed them…Why can't we just leave it at that? Why does it matter what's under my cloak? I shouldn't have to show them if I don't want to. I just wanted to come back to see them again. I didn't want them to act like this…_

"…Just show us Ash," Misty said quietly, "It can't be _that_ bad…"

_……You have _no_ idea…_

"…Please, Ash?" Mom asked, "You really ought to let us see before you guess what we'll think…"

I shook my head. They didn't understand. They couldn't understand…What happened to me…No, they couldn't understand…Not even Gary, and he even knew what it was…Maybe Gary less than all of them…

"…Bre…on…" Umbreon whispered.  
_'It's nothing to be ashamed of.'_

I looked sharply at him. I'd completely forgotten he was there…

"Umbreon…Bre…"  
_'Any Pokémon would recognize that tail…You should be proud of it…'_

_Proud of it? I wish…_

"Pika!?"  
_'Tail!?'_

I clapped my hand over Pikachu's mouth in alarm. I knew Misty could understand him, Mom too…Gary probably only understood what Umbreon was saying…

"What-?" Misty asked, dumbfounded, "Ash…what's…going on…?"

Gary frowned at me like he was thinking really hard about something. When he saw me looking at him, he instantly changed back to his normal aloof manner.

"You heard Umbreon. Be proud of it, Ash. Show us all what you're hiding…"

Pikachu struggled against my hand, and finally got me to let go by sparking his cheeks threateningly.

"…Pika…Pikapi?" he gasped quietly.  
_'Tail…? You have one…?'_

"Be quiet, Pikachu…" I whispered.

Misty had been quiet for a while, looking deeply at me. At last she whispered, "Just show us, Ash. That's all we're asking…"

"It's not all I'm asking," Gary commented.

"That's because you know what it is…" Misty replied dully without taking her eyes off me.

That made him be quiet at least, and again, everyone's attention was on me. I didn't look up at them anymore. I didn't want to look at them. Why did they have to know so badly!?

The silence was broken by a fed up and frustrated Gary Oak.

"Argh! If you're not gonna tell them, I will!!"

I barely had time to react. "Gary-!"

"He's got a _tail_! A goddamn &(%^#$$&#**^%ing, real as hell _tail_ comin' outta his ass!"

"_GARY!!!!_" I shouted in horror, finally running my throat dry and emptying my lungs. I choked on a sob and bowed my head down, too frightened, too ashamed to look up. 

"And it's _real_!! Show them Ash! Take off that cloak! You're gonna have to prove it one way or another, but I know I ain't lying!"

"Gary, what on earth are you talking about!?" Mom demanded.

"It's true!! Ash, take it off already! Even if I _was_ lying, you gotta take it off to prove that!"

"How could that possibly be true?" Mom asked, anger still evident in her voice.

"Your guess is as good as mine, but it _is_ true!"

Mom quieted, uneasy with his forcefulness. Out of the corner of my vision, I saw her turn a wondering eye in my direction. Neither of us said anything.

"…What's the matter with you!? Just how hard can it be!?" Gary argued.

"Quit it, Gary!" Misty snapped, "Can't you see you're not helping _at all_?" She sighed irritably and turned back to me. "Ash…" she continued, quieter, "Look, I'm not about to believe him for a second. That's just crazy…but whatever it is you're hiding…Believe me, you don't need to…"

_……She doesn't believe him…Mom doesn't believe him…I don't know about Pikachu…He probably doesn't care either way…But…he is right…and now…Now what? If I don't show them now and they find out later, they're just gonna be madder than ever……_

I stood up quietly, keeping my head bowed. Pikachu was still on my shoulder, but he would get in the way there, so I took him off and held him in one arm, still keeping him close to me.

"Leave Gary alone…" I said softly, "He's…right…and you're right too…I…I do need to show you…I don't think I could hide it forever anyway…"

With my free hand, I reached up to the fastener keeping the cloak together and tried to undo it. After a second, I realized that wouldn't work, especially with one hand, so I did the next best thing and pulled away one side of my cloak as much as I could, and I let my tail swing out freely and then relax. I held my breath as I waited for their reactions.

I heard badly subdued gasps all around me. Gary didn't gasp. He'd seen it already, but even without looking up, I could tell he was still unnerved by seeing it again. I felt Pikachu's tiny claws clutch my arm tighter, breathing slowly…in awe…?

I still didn't look up. No one was saying anything, but I didn't want to read what they were thinking by their faces. I could imagine well enough on my own.

"There you have it folks," I whispered, "To make a long story short…you could say I evolved…maybe not the right way, but I did…" I released my hold on the cloak, letting it fall around me and my tail again. "Any other questions?"


	25. Halfway There

Chapter 25  
"Halfway There"

Silent…That's what they were. I excused myself to my room so I could change into my own clothes, and still no one said anything, or if they did, I didn't hear them. I left them there, all of them silent, and went into my room. Pikachu came with me because he was making no attempt to leave me alone. There I did as I said I would, at last donning my hat. I turned to look at myself in the mirror. Finally, I could look in it and actually see myself again…Now if only there wasn't that tail behind me…I needed to do something about my pants. I couldn't always keep going around with them pinching my tail like that, it would probably give me back problems in the end.

I turned to Pikachu, who was sitting on my bed next to Gary's discarded clothes.

"What do you think?"

"…Pika…"  
_'I'm glad you're back.'_

I made a face. "That's not what I was asking about. I meant, how do I look?"

"Pi pikachu."  
_'You sound like Team Rocket when you ask that.'_

"Pikachu…" I groaned.

I gave up and looked back at the reflection again. I adjusted my hat a little. It was a little weird but good to have it snug on my head again.

"…What do you think everyone else is doing right now…?"

"Pika, pikapi…"  
_'Probably wondering about you…'_

"…Yeah…" I sighed.

I walked over to him and picked up the cloak to peer at it again.

"Do you think they…um……I dunno…About me…what…"

"……Pikaa, pikapi…"  
_'…It'll take a while for them to get used to it…'_

I nodded without looking up. "…What about you…?"

"…Pika, chyuu…"  
_'It's a Mew tail, isn't it?'_

"…Yeah…"

Pikachu took a second to scratch his ear, then jumped on my shoulder.

"…Piii…Pikachu…"  
_'I don't understand how you didn't evolve all the way…'_

I shrugged. "Stranger things have happened…"

Pikachu gave me a skeptical look and I blushed. "Well…Okay, this is pretty strange but…Well, maybe I just didn't wanna evolve, okay?"

"Piii?" Pikachu trilled in amusement, "Pikapi, pikachu pika."  
_'Really? Mews are legendary, but you didn't want to evolve just because you're just so stubborn…'_

"That's not the reason! Besides, who are you to be saying that anyway?"

Pikachu just grinned. "Pika, pikachu. Pikapika pikachu…"  
_'Well still, you should've evolved all the way or not at all. I don't think there's a middle evolution…'_

I breathed a sigh. "…No, there isn't…"

"Pika…?"  
_'Then…?'_

I shook my head. "Don't worry about it…With any luck, this'll be as far as I get…"

"……Chu…"  
_'…If you say so…'_

I looked down at the cloak in my arms again.

"You think I should keep wearing this…?"

"Pi?" Pikachu looked at it too, "Pika, pikachu."  
_'Huh?…It's up to you.'_

"Gee thanks," I muttered.

I glanced back at the other clothes on the bed. At the least I would have to give those back to Gary…I gathered them all up in my arms.

"I guess it's time to face the music…" I thought out loud.

"Piii…"  
_'I hope it's pretty music…'_

I half-laughed. "Yeah, me too…"

I opened the door and looked out cautiously. I didn't see anyone right away, but down in the living room, Gary and Misty were sitting on the couch, talking quietly. Mom was nowhere in sight, but I could hear her in the kitchen. That's right, it was almost dinnertime…I looked back at Gary and Misty. Umbreon was sitting on the floor in between them, but closer to Gary. Leaning on the far side of Misty was a little white speck. It took me a second to realize it was Togetic. Funny, I didn't see her before…

"Kaaa…" Pikachu whispered.  
_'Don't be so shy…'_

"I wasn't!" I whispered back, "I'm just…taking my time…"

"Chuu…" Pikachu replied.  
_'Suuure…'_

"I was!" I snapped back, still keeping my voice down, "Watch, I'm not scared…"

I eased my way across the hall to the top of the stairs. I paused there for a second to collect myself, then slowly made my way down, one step at a time. By the third to the last step, the voices on the couch had hushed to a whisper, and then nothing at all. They were all looking at me except Togetic. I could tell. I swallowed and kept my eyes down, trying to ignore the hammering in my chest, and walked closer to them. I deposited my bundle on the cushion next to Gary, then moved to sit in the chair he'd been sitting in before. No one said anything.

I fidgeted. I didn't have the cloak to play with anymore, so I just fidgeted all over. I didn't look at them, and they didn't say anything. I strained to think of something to say. The silence was going to drive me insane. I glanced at my tail. It was out in the open now. Exposed. They could see, stare at it, as much as they wanted to. The smarter part of me told me it was a good idea to let them so they'd get used to it, but the rest of me was screaming at the awkwardness of it all and how they weren't even talking to me or each other or anyone and just making me look, feel……wrong…

Seconds dragged on like hours, suns…Why wouldn't they say anything!?!

I coughed, shifted in my seat and continued to stare at the floor. Pikachu dropped from my shoulder to my lap and I scratched his head. Mom continued to work in the kitchen.

Sound broke through the haze of silence like a missile. I think we all broke from pressure of insanity at the same time.

"I know what you're all thinking…"  
"Umbreon was telling us…"  
"How did this happen…?"

I swallowed and shook my head. "I think I should start…"

Misty and Gary gave me the nod.

"Pika, kachu?" Pikachu asked, looking up at me.  
_'What about Mom?'_

"…I guess I'll have to tell her later…or…well, couldn't Mimey cook for her…?"

"Yeah," Misty nodded, "I'll go get her…"

"Alright."

She got up and left. Togetic stayed. She was mostly asleep anyway.

I didn't watch her go, and I didn't look at Gary.

"Legendary Mew, huh…?" he said, like he was talking to himself.

That got my attention.

"…What are you talking about…?"

"…That's what Umbreon said," he responded without looking directly at me, "That…tail of yours…It's just like the tail of a Mew…"

I could feel red coming to my cheeks, though I couldn't figure out why.

"…How……How do you know that?"

He shrugged. "I'm just repeating what Umbreon here said. Supposedly, it's common knowledge among Pokémon…"

"Pi…" Pikachu nodded, and Umbreon did too.  
_'Yeah…'_

I looked at Pikachu while I rubbed his head, but I wasn't really paying attention to that.

"Well…Umbreon's right," I said quietly, "Mew. I was almost a Mew…"

Gary shook his head roughly. "I still don't get how that's supposed to work…"

"…Well…it's not supposed to work…Well, I don't want it to at least," I answered as Mom and Misty entered the room. Mom touched my shoulder briefly as she passed, and Misty picked up Togetic to make room for them both on the couch. It was Misty who was in the middle then, with Togetic on her lap. They stayed quiet, probably because they could see that Gary and I were already talking.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gary asked.

I kept my head down and closed my eyes. "Pokémon evolve, right?"

Everyone agreed with that statement, so I went on.

"Well…a long time ago, humans did too…Now it's not…um…Well it just doesn't happen anymore, I guess…" I trailed off and took another glance at my tail. "…Okay, well usually it doesn't…or…well maybe this is just once of those once in a lifetime things……I don't know……um……The bottom line is, it shouldn't have happened…but it did…and well in evolution, you can't go backwards…It just doesn't work that way…so…I guess I'm stuck like this……"

Gary and Misty spoke at once.

"What do you mean by 'it shouldn't have happened'?" Gary asked.

"What are you going to do now?" asked Misty.

I put a hand to my head. I was getting tired. Just tired. That dull pain up there hadn't really faded away yet, and worse I was starting to feel sick.

"Misty, I don't really know…Gary……I don't know how to explain that…but I guess the only way it could've been avoided was if………" I stopped talking. They didn't need to hear that.

_The only way that could've been avoided was if I was dead…_

"If…?" Gary asked.

"…Nothing…"

I know they didn't believe me, but I guess they didn't feel like pressing too far. I guess I couldn't blame them after last time…

"Ash…" Gary started. It didn't sound like a question…or maybe he just didn't get far enough to ask. I glanced at him. He was obviously hesitating. That almost worried me. Gary was never one to hesitate…

"Ash," he said again, "You……Tomorrow, today, whatever…You can't just sit here. That tournament's still going on up at Indigo. You've gotta step in to defend your title. Not to mention that everyone thinks that you're kinda um not alive…" He looked right at me, intense. "You can't hide forever. They're gonna find out sooner or later."

…Part of me wanted to say right back, 'And you're the one who's gonna make sure they do, aren't you?' but the other part of me knew exactly what he was talking about and knew better than to argue.

"…What do you think I should do about that…?" I asked quietly.

"Wha…Uhh…I…I dunno. You better think of someth-……Ah, geez……Well…What are you gonna do, wear that cloak the rest of your life? Or…are you gonna go right up and tell 'em?……I mean, I don't see why I'm even asking that. It should be obvious what you'd choose…" He glanced at me again, serious. "…Then again, here I thought you wouldn't've tried to keep it a secret from your closest friends and family…Shows how well I know you…"

I gripped the arm of the seat tightly. Every last bit of fidget, breathe and move stopped.

_What is he talking about…? He…He thought I wouldn't hide it from…them? Why wouldn't I-…Or…what…what…I don't…understand…_

_…but why would I hide anything from Mom and Misty and Pikachu anyway…? Why…I trust them more than anyone in the world…Why wouldn't I…wouldn't I…tell them…? _

_What's he trying to say…? He doesn't know me well? But he knew me longer than……_

_…He's right. He's right. I _would've_ told them. Of course. I've never had anything to hide. Never. Always trusting, always open…_

_…What happened…?_

_……I know……I know……_

I was shaking. Pikachu tried to help me by rubbing against me, but I barely felt it.

_It all leads back to…to the dreams…I thought I could finally forget about them……_

I hugged Pikachu close to me, probably crushing him, but he didn't complain.

"Ca-can we t-talk about this…later?" I asked, "I…I don't feel…good…"

"Dinner should be ready soon…" Mom told us quietly, "Gary, you can stay if you want…"

"…Thanks, Mrs. Ketchum, but uh…um…I guess I really oughta head home…My parents should be back by now and they'd probably want me home since I'm back in Pallet and all…" He stood up. "Hey Ash, call me later, okay?"

"Huh…?"

"Like tonight or tomorrow whenever you wake up. I'm willing to bet that a month out of training hasn't been kind to you…I'll help you warm up. Just tell me when you'll be ready." He started for the front door with Umbreon right behind him, then paused. "And when I say when you're ready, I mean when you're ready, not never. Got it?"

"Uhhhh……O…kay…"

"Right. Smell ya later…"

And they left. After the door shut behind them, I let my eyes wander back to the couch and the spot where he'd been sitting…

_What…He forgot his cloak!_

I was ready to jump up and call out the door for him to come back, but common sense told me to stop.

_That's yours now, Ash. You need it a lot more than he does, and he knows that…Don't worry, he'll probably ask for it back…sooner or later…_

Mom stood up and walked to the kitchen. "Come on…"

I watched Misty stand up and follow her, holding Togetic. After they were both in there, I stood up, swallowed again, and went after them…

At dinner, I fought a battle between undeniable hunger and just plain unwillingness to put forth the effort it took to actually eat. I reached a sort of middleground, since I didn't want to ignore either side of the battle.

It was quiet at the table. I guess I'd already established that I didn't feel like talking anymore. They didn't seem to be holding it against me either. I guess…they could understand…at least a little…just enough…

"I'm glad you came home," Mom said. I glanced at her. "You have no idea how worried I was…not knowing where you were or if you were okay…" She smiled and hiccupped to hide a sob. "I'm just…so happy to have you back…No matter what, Ash, remember…you're my son, and I'll always love you."

I stared at her for a moment, replaying it in my head. Eventually, an invisible hand smacked me upside the head.

_Were you _really_ expecting anything else, genius?_

"M-mom…Th-thank…you…I…I love you too."

"Same here," Misty added, then blushed, "I mean…Well, you know what I mean…"

I blushed too, feeling a smile creeping to my face without my permission. "Yeah…I know…"

"Pika!"  
_'Same here!'_

I chuckled softly and scratched Pikachu's head. "Thanks you guys…Thanks…a lot…"

            *  *  *

After dinner, I went to bed…Bed…I didn't just decide to go to sleep right where I was, I had to go to the specific part of the house where I could actually sleep. My bed. My bed. I didn't have to share it with anyone, but I did. Pikachu slept with me. It was actually Pikachu that time. I wasn't just imagining things.

And then I slept…outside of the sanctuary…the untamed, outside world, where nothing was predictable and horrors could lurk around every corner. I'd come back to it for some reason…because…aside from the horrors…there were joys…like my friends…family…because I couldn't imagine living forever without them. That would be a horror.

A nightmare.

I don't know what kind of dream haunted me that night. It faded away past memory as soon as I woke up.

            *  *  *

It was hot. Hot like summer. We were inside though. It shouldn't have been so hot…

I groggily forced my eyes open, gradually focusing on a yellow form beside me.

"…Pikapi…?" he said quietly.  
_'…Ash…'_

"…Hey, Pikachu…" I whispered.

I pushed myself up, or tried to. I could barely support myself.

"Pika! Pikapi…" Pikachu exclaimed.  
_'Be careful Ash…!'_

"…Don't…worry about…me," I told him. My arms were shaking from just keeping me sitting up.

"Pikapi…"

I peered around the room. No one else was there. The door was closed, and the curtains were drawn, but light still shone through the window. It must've been pretty late in the morning…

"…What time is it?" I asked Pikachu as I started to crawl slowly to the ladder.

"Pikachu…" he shrugged.  
_'I don't know…'_

"Is everyone else up…?"

"Chu."  
_'Yes.'_

I stared down the ladder, still visibly shaking from supporting my own weight. The room blurred once.

"…Why's it so hot in here…?"

"……Pikaa…"  
_'…It's not…'_

"Huh…? Yeah it is…"

I turned to put one foot on the ladder. I missed the first few times.

"Pika pi!"  
_'Be careful!'_

"I know what I'm doing…"

As I got my other foot over the rail, I felt my knee buckle on the first one. I fell against the ladder and dropped, sliding jaggedly downwards. At last, my legs reached the bottom and stopped my slide just as another rung jabbed my chin upwards. A sharp pain shot in my head and quickly traveled all through my body. I didn't, couldn't move, just laid there with my eyes squeezed shut…I could taste blood in my mouth…

"_Pikapi!!_"  
_'_Ash!!_'_

I waited for the pretty little stars to go away before I opened my eyes. Fuzzy wall…Up…Ow…Fuzzy Pikachu…

"Pi…ka?" he whispered.  
_'Are you okay…?'_

I moaned in reply and tried to lift myself off the ladder. Some part of me was thankful that I didn't get one of my legs caught in between the rungs, but not much. I didn't get very far up, and when I opened my eyes, everything was so blurry…I crossed my arms on the closest rung and rested my head on them, closing my eyes.

"…Pikapi…?"  
_'…Ash…?'_

I vaguely heard the door swing open and two sets of feet walking in.

"Ash!?" Mom cried out. She came quickly to me, and I felt her arm around my shoulder. "Are you okay…?"

I nodded, then cringed as that brought more pain.

"…Ash…"

I shifted a little and almost ended up tumbling off the side of the ladder, but she caught me. It was still so hot…

"…I think you should stay in bed, dear…"

I stared up at her foggily through half-open eyes. I could just make out Misty standing anxiously behind her.

"M-mom, I…I'm…okay…" I whispered, "Just a little…a little…"

"…Sick?" she supplied. Her free hand touched my forehead. She felt cold… "You're burning up. You should rest…"

"But…I…"

"You just fell down the ladder! You're in no condition to argue…Come on, I'll help you up…"

She started to do that, but I pulled away suddenly, rolling out of her hold and falling hard on the carpet. I struggled a few seconds for breath, then painfully opened one eye.

"Ash!" Mom exclaimed, "Just what do you think you're doing!?"

"I'm okay…" I whispered stubbornly, "I'm fine…"

"No, you're not…"

"Yes I am…" I waved my hand around until it found the ladder and used that to slowly pull myself up. Once I was far enough, I grabbed with both hands and shakily climbed up until I was almost standing, except I was leaning against the ladder to do that. I breathed with an open mouth, trying to keep myself up and get my strength back…

"Ash…just rest…" Misty said quietly.

"…I don't need to…"

"What are you talking about!? Of course you do! Can't you tell?"

I shook my head carefully. "I'm…fine…"

"_Ash_…"

"Look, just…gimme a little time…you'll see…"

"…Ash I don't think…"

"Look, I'm fine!" I yelled, then shut my eyes as my head whirled for a second.

"Ash!" Mom cried.

Misty huffed after a moment. "Fine, have it your way, but if you collapse on the way down, don't blame it on me."

"…Wasn't planning to…" I grinned weakly.


	26. Heat Of Change

A/N: According to the FFN word count, prior to the addition of this a/n, OH has the exact same number of words as MMW…Wow…hee…Tat's all *^_^*;;

Chapter 26  
"Heat Of Change"

I thought I did a pretty good job getting down there, especially with the fever and the headache and the backache and the way everything kept tipping over…or maybe that was just me…

Mom directed me straight to the kitchen, sat me down, and began cooking something up for me. Misty sat down across from me and Pikachu sat on the table right next to me. Togetic placed herself in Misty's lap. Misty grinned strangely at me when I looked at her, then when she thought I wasn't, the grin disappeared and was replaced by something like worry, but it was different somehow…I couldn't quite place it…Maybe it was just my eyes playing tricks on me…

"…Is…everything…okay…Misty?" I asked quietly. I didn't have the energy to put more effort into speaking.

"Hm!? Umm…Y-yeah…How about you? Do you feel okay…?"

"…Not really," I admitted with a sigh, "but…I _will_…"

"…Okay…" she nodded, then went quiet again. She was staring at me, but I felt like she wasn't really staring at _me_… Something was definitely going on…

"…Misty," I tried again. She turned her head slightly and I found her looking directly into my eyes, but her expression didn't change. I hesitated for a second. "Mmisty…What's wrong? You're…uh…acting kinda weird…"

A small smile formed on her lips and she closed her eyes as she bent her head slightly. "Like you're one to be talking about weird behavior…"

"Eh…!" I blushed at that for some reason. It was probably just the fever again, but it made me feel even more uncomfortable than I was already.

She sighed and leaned back to talk to Mom. "Can I tell him, Mrs. Ketchum?"

_What…?_

"Tell him-uhh-me what?" I asked.

Misty just sent me a nervous grin then looked back at Mom expectantly. I followed her example. Mom didn't answer right away. Instead, she turned around, holding a steaming bowl of…ah, soup, and placed it in front of me.

"Why don't we let him eat first?" she suggested with a warm, but tight, smile.

Misty nodded. "Okay…"

I glanced between the two of them, both of them holding up strained smiles just for me…

_Yeah, something's _definitely_ going on here…_

"…Why can't you tell me now…?" I asked as I picked up the spoon to eat.

"Ummm…I want you to focus so you can get all the proper nutrients that you need from your breakfast!" Mom answered cheerfully.

"……Oh."

_Like I'm gonna buy _that_…Oh well…I guess I might as well enjoy it before it gets cold…_

I started on that and began to wonder if maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to let it cool down a little first…I paused and glanced up at Mom and Misty, who hadn't moved at all since I'd started eating…

"Um…Are you guys just gonna watch me eat…?"

I was answered by swift 'no's, and Mom went to busy herself elsewhere. Misty wasn't as quick to leave, but before she did, she told Pikachu to watch out for me. He agreed of course.

I continued eating until I was done. I try not to let good food go unfinished, but that was hard. The temperature was disagreeing with me more than the quality…I already felt hot enough, I didn't need anything to add to it…

When I was done, I got up to find Mom and Misty…almost. A feeling of heaviness set over me and I was forced to sink back into my chair. It was getting to be too much. The room blurred once, twice and I uneasily tried to sit steadily. It hadn't been too bad so long as I was sitting down, but when I tried standing up…

I carefully peered down at the table to find a yellow form.

"…Pikachu…?" I whispered.

"…Pika?"  
_'…Yeah?'_

"I don't…feel…very……good…"

I winced as the throbbing pain in my head started up again and grabbed onto the seat and the table to hold myself steady. I squeezed my eyes shut, but even then I could still feel the room whirling around me. I could hear Pikachu calling for help, his voice dipping greatly between a distant whisper and a pounding shout. Soon, more voices joined his and I felt cold hands helping to keep me steady. Those same voices called my name, soothing voices, calm…trying to help…

I opened one eye and focused on a flame of orange in front of me, the room gradually coming to a stop as Misty's face emerged from the blur.

"Are you okay?"

I didn't answer right away. I cautiously opened my other eye. The pain in my head flared in protest but I ignored it. I wanted to nod and say that I was okay, but…no, they wouldn't believe that, and neither would I…I couldn't shake my head no either. I could tell already that would bring pain.

"…No…" I whispered, then relaxed my hold on the table and the chair, collapsing into a set of arms, Mom's.

I winced and squinted up at Misty with one eye. She was standing up, looking worriedly at me, and Pikachu, and all around. Mom lifted me up so I could lean back in the chair without having to have her support me. She then walked around so she could see my face.

"…Dear, you need to get to bed…" she told me. From what I could make out of her face, she was just as worried as Misty, maybe more.

I nodded weakly. I hated to admit it, but I really did need to lie down…

"Misty, would you give me a hand…?" Mom asked.

She nodded and the two of them helped me up, putting one of my arms over either of their shoulders. We got as far as the stairs, I think…It was kind of hard for me to tell. I think in the end they just decided to let me sleep on the couch. I didn't have any complaints. It would've been hard to go upstairs anyway, and I just wanted to lie down. I wasn't picky about where.

I had to stop myself from drifting off as soon as I laid down. I didn't want to sleep. Not then. I'd just woken up, and besides…there were still things I wanted to know before then.

"Misty, go get him a blanket…" Mom said.

"…No…" I whispered, and they both stopped and looked at me, "I don't…No, I'm…warm enough already…"

They both hesitated. Finally, Mom put her hand against my forehead and I saw a look of shock flash across her face.

"…Misty, maybe you should get a thermometer instead…" she said slowly.

"Uh…Alright," Misty agreed and went to get one.

Mom and Pikachu stayed with me, and Mom kept her hand against my forehead, my cheek, all the while, the worry never vanished.

"…I don't understand how this came up so quickly…" she whispered.

_…but it didn't……_

I closed my eyes, just for a second, just to relax a little so I could focus when I opened them…

…Well, I thought it would be a second…

            *  *  *

When I opened them again, I could see Misty sitting on the big chair, closely examining…my Pokédex…Pikachu was curled up next to me, not quite asleep.

"…dangerous levels of ener-" Dexter was saying before Misty flipped it closed when she saw that I was awake.

"Ash! You're awake…How do you feel…?"

"…Okay, I guess…" I answered, and I did…a little. I still felt warm and that headache wasn't gone, but at least I could see. I shifted around until I was on my back, then carefully propped myself up on my elbows. That hurt my vision, and I waited a moment for everything to unblur again before looking back at her.

She pocketed Dexter and moved in the chair so she was closer to me. Togetic, who'd been sitting her lap, fluttered up to her shoulder.

"Do you have any idea what's going on, Ash…?" she asked me.

"…Going on…?"

She nodded. "Yeah…Why…I mean…um…" She looked down for a second. "Ash…Wait here. I won't be long."

"Where are you-?"

She answered with a small smile and a wink before disappearing up the stairs. I turned to Pikachu in confusion.

"What's she talking about…?"

Pikachu gave me that same uneasy smile that Misty'd used, then shook his head. "Pika, pika…"  
_'Don't worry, you'll see…'_

"…Huh…?"

She returned not too long after, with…make-up!?

"Misty what are you-!?"

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna use it," she sighed, "I just want you to…see…something…"

"See…wha-?"

"Sh…Just…look…" she sighed again, and flipped it open in front of me. I looked inside.

"Okay…? There's powder, and a mirror…Yeah so? I see mys-AHHH!!"

Both hands flew to my head in fright and disbelief. There was no way…no way…

I'd…um…_paled_ is the best way to put it I guess…Well, it looked that way at least. I was hoping with all my heart that her mirror was just broken. The change was most noticeable with my hair, since that'd been really dark to start off with…Well, okay, so black is _really_ dark, but…gray!? No way! That's not supposed to happen until I'm _old!_ At least it was just the roots…mostly…And my eyes were different too…Lighter again, but changing color too…

"What the hell happened!!??" I demanded.

"…Um…"

"What happened!???"

"I…don't know exactly…" she answered eventually, "I thought _you_ might…"

I grabbed the mirror from her, panic flying through me like crazy. I stared at the reflection in the mirror.

_I do _not_ look like that!!_

I used my free hand to grab a lock of hair. A hand appeared in mirror too and did the same thing. I pulled. The hand pulled. It hurt.

The mirror started to shake and the reflection did too. My hand was shaking. I couldn't stop it. I gripped the mirror with both hands so I wouldn't drop it.

"…Are you okay…?" Misty asked.

"…Am…I……okay…?" I repeated weakly, "Am I okay……Do I _look_ okay!!?"

"…Ash…"

"_How did this happen!?_ Why didn't you tell me right away!?! Misty…!"

"Ash…Look, I'm sorry…but-"

"But _nothing_!! _Look at me!!_"

She opened her mouth to reply, but stopped, maybe in shame.

I shoved the mirror back into her hands, missing several times as my hands trembled violently. It was so hot…_so_ hot…I shut my eyes as I sat there, shivering in the heat, not willing to believe what was going on…

_Oh come off it…You know perfectly well what's going on…Now what are you gonna do? Just sit there?_

I opened my eyes, and tried to force the shivering down to a minimum. I stood up carefully. It wouldn't do to fall now. My tail slipped off the couch after me.

"Ash! You shouldn't-"

I shook my head once, to silence her. So what if standing up made everything around me look like nothing but a blur and I had a headache worse than ever before and I felt like I might light on fire at any moment? Something had to be done about it, and I was going to make sure of that.

_Isn't there something out there that stops evolution…? Ah! Everstone! I know where I might find one of those…!_

I looked around until I saw a dark spot in the distance. I ran to it, ignoring everything else as best I could. I grabbed Gary's cloak off the coat rack and threw it around me, forcing the fastener to work and finally pulling the hood over my head.

"I'm going to Professor Oak's," I spouted quickly, "I won't take a long time so don't worry. You just stay here and…well I dunno. Bye!!"

"…What…ASH!!"

"Pikapi!!"

I didn't listen to them as I bolted out the door. There was only one thing on my mind, and _nothing_ was gonna stop me.

            *  *  *

I had to hurry. I was afraid I was already too late. The last time I'd run like this to Professor Oak's was…the first day of my Pokémon journey…I could do it then, I could do it again…

…So what if last time I could actually see where I was going…? And so what if my temperature was probably skyrocketing…? I'd never thought it could get so hot…The fact that I was wearing a black cloak in the summertime wasn't helping any.

_There…There it is…Just up these steps…_

I ran to the gate, but stopped suddenly and fell against the brick post. It felt like something was really burning me! I stuck my hand out from under the cloak to look at it…

_No…! Not _again_!_

It was white…kind of…Fading between white and normal actually…I clenched it into a fist. I could feel sweat forming and trailing down my skin. I gritted my teeth and pulled the hood down over my face as far as it would go, then ran up to Professor Oak's lab. I hesitated before banging loudly on the door, just to be polite, then opening it in a rush and stumbling inside.

I scanned the room quickly. I didn't see anyone in there.

_Oh, good…No wait! I don't know where they keep them!_

"_Professor Oak!! Where are you!??_"

I waited, impatiently, for a response. After a few seconds, I tried again.

"_Professor Oak!?? Tracey!? Anyone here!?!_"

When no one immediately appeared, I muttered a curse and decided to look on my own. I had no idea where to start, so I just started pulling open and digging through random drawers. I'd gotten absolutely nowhere when a familiar voice shouted out from behind me.

"Hey!! Just what do you think you're doing!??"

I jumped and spun around to see a very angry Pokémon watcher holding a Pokéball at ready.

"Tracey!!" I cried out in relief, before quickly remembering to duck my head so he couldn't see under the hood, "Uh…You gotta help me! I need an Everstone right away!!"

He almost dropped the Pokéball.

"…_Ash!?_ Wh…What are you doing here!? Your mom called and said you were too sick to go anywhere! Whhy are you wearing that thing? And why do you need a-?"

"It doesn't matter! Just hurry up!"

"…Uhh…Alright, but…"

"What are you waiting for!??"

"Geez…Okay, follow me…"

He turned around and I followed behind him. He was walking all too slow for my taste, but he turned around when I told him to hurry up and I had to concentrate on hiding instead of getting him to walk faster. I really wished that he would though. My vision wasn't just blurring anymore, it was started to turn _white_…

"You know, we don't have a lot of these…" he started to say.

"Yeah whatever, just give me _one_. That's all I need."

"…Ookay…" he replied. He walked to another drawer and pulled it open. Inside were some bits of clear crystals, Everstones…He picked up one. "Ash, just what Pokémon are you trying so hard not to evolve that you'd need an Ever-?"

"Gimme that!" I exclaimed in a panic, snatching it right out of his hand. It flared a brilliant white as it touched my skin. I closed my fist over it and held the little rock so tightly that the edges dug painfully into my hand, but that wasn't what I felt most. The rock was cold. So cold. Like ice. It felt wonderful to hold it, freezing against me. I could feel the heat ebbing away, like a cold wind had blown in from the north and summer had just turned to a wonderful winter.

I didn't even realize how I'd closed my eyes and was holding the stone close to my chest until the heat and cold finally faded away.

"……Um…Ash?"

I yelped and glanced Tracey in fear before looking away so he couldn't see me. I'd almost forgotten he was still standing there…

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Um…I, uh…thought you were in a hurry…?"

"What? Oh! Yeah, that's right! I, uh…I gotta go get this to that Pokémon right away! Uh, thanks for reminding me! I'd better get going now!"

I started to run, but he grabbed me by the shoulder and tried to stop me, but I spun out of his grip and stumbled to the side. The hood came halfway off. I stopped where I was and stared at him as he stared at me. A chill swept over me in that second. I quickly pulled the hood back in place and ducked my head. It was too late though…

"………If I didn't know better, I'd say that Everstone's not for a Pokémon…but that can't be right…can it…?" he asked quietly.

"…Of course it's for a Pokémon," I whispered back in hopes that he didn't really get enough time to see me clearly, "I don't know what you're thinking, but I'd better get this back home right away…"

"…Well, okay…But at least tell me what Pokémon it's for."

_What? Uhh…Oh great, I bet all of my Pokémon are here at the ranch except maybe…_

"Uh………umm…Pika…no…uhhhh……Toge-……"

He crossed his arms doubtfully.

"Ummm………Like I said, I gotta hurry!! Mimey needs this Everstone!! Uh…heheh…Um…BYE!"

With that said, I ran like hell.

"What the-!? Ash! Mr. Mime can't evolve anyway!!"

I didn't answer. I was already long gone…


	27. Winter

Chapter 27  
"Winter"

I ran home, unable, unwilling to stop. I had what I'd come for and that's all that mattered to me. The evolution was stopped. I couldn't feel anymore changes. Whatever I happened to look like, I would probably stay that way…At least it was better than fully evolving…but not much…

I stole a glance at the Everstone. It was glowing still, faintly, pulsing in and out, like a heartbeat…Maybe mine…

After a second glance, I noticed something far more frightening…

_What…My hand!?_

I stopped where I was and stared at it. First of all, all signs that I'd ever been tan at all were gone. Second, and more importantly, my fingers had joined into three groups. One was made of my thumb by itself…but the others seemed to have paired themselves closer together with the webs from ring to pinky and middle to pointer finger thinning and lengthening, and the one between middle and ring widening and also lengthening a little. I stared at them for the longest time, trying to separate them and failing, before I realized _why_ that had happened…

_That's right…Mews only have three fingers…remember?_

Further examination proved it. My hand…well…It wasn't _really_ a hand anymore…It had been turning into a…_paw_…A paw…

_At least it…stopped…_

I closed my fist again and slipped my arm back under the cloak. I glanced behind me. Tracey hadn't decided to follow me. I didn't see anyone else around. I started walking again. I didn't rush myself, but I saw no reason _not_ to hurry up. Getting home seemed like a good idea.

_Yeah, home is always a good thing…Usually…I thought coming home from the sanctuary would be a good idea, but not a single good thing's happened since I got back…and then I started to evolve again…The Everstone should protect me against the rest of that, but if I'd never left in the first place, it wouldn't have even started…_

_I did what I wanted. I saw my friends again. Maybe…maybe it would just be best to go back…This time I'll say a proper goodbye, but…I do think it would be best if I left as soon as possible. It's so different here…Sure, everyone else is the same, but…I'm not, and that's the entire problem. It's not just the physical differences either. I've changed, and they don't understand any of it. Granted, it's hard for even _me_ to understand, but they…they don't have a clue…In the sanctuary, I could end all of this madness. It's safe there. I won't evolve, and no one there's gonna force me to do anything. Here, everyone here has their own agenda…Mom keeps worrying about my health, and while I'm thankful, there really isn't anything she can do. Gary wants me to go to Indigo to defend my title. That's all he cares about. I guess I should care too. It's _my_ title after all…but…that just doesn't seem as important compared to everything else that's going on, does it…?_

_Misty…I know what she wants. It's the simplest want, and yet, the hardest to attain…She wants me, the me before the dreams, the nightmares…She's looking for something that no one can ever have…_I_ don't even know where to find it anymore…I don't want her to keep looking…The search will only hurt her, and I don't want that…_

_The only one who's really made me feel welcome is Pikachu. He hasn't treated me any differently since I got back. If anything, he's been friendlier than ever, if that's even possible._

_I think…maybe that's just the way Pokémon are…They can understand this…Maybe because they know what it's like…Humans…Humans can't stand these differences, changes…I oughta know._

_But even so, it's dangerous, how close he's getting, how they're all trying to get. Maybe they think this is just a passing phase, and I'll be back to "normal" sooner or later…Oh, if only I could remember what normal was…then maybe I would pretend, just to make them happy…but I can't. I don't…I really don't remember…Even if I did, what good would it do to pretend? Just another big fat lie…I'm nowhere near normal anymore. Never will be. They can _see_ that now, can't they? It's like Nekiro said, evolution is for the body to match what's on the inside…and I…I'm just…fading away……_

* * *

I kept those disheartening thoughts with me after walking through the little white gate, down the little semi-stony path, up the short set of stairs to the porch, and finally opening the front door and letting myself in. I had a few moments to silently take in the scene before anyone noticed me. Misty, Pikachu and Togetic were seated on the couch, all looking curiously at…my Pokédex…again…I wondered what they found so fascinating about it…

I shedded my cloak and hung it up on the nearby coat rack. It was then that they finally noticed me. Misty jumped up, jolting Togetic, who was clinging to her shoulder and bumping Pikachu aside, who had been hanging over her lap.

"Ash!" she exclaimed, then trailed off, "You…made it…" I nodded, but she just kind of kept staring at me, with her mouth hanging slightly open.

"…What's the matter?" I inquired.

Pikachu sat up, shook himself, then blinked up at me. "Pikapi!!?" he squealed, "Pika, pikachuu?"  
_'Ash!!? What did you do this time?'_

"I didn't do anything!" I snapped back. "…Well…I guess…not _willingly_ at least…" I muttered.

Misty carefully put away my Pokédex, then walked softly to me. When she was directly in front of me, she stopped and looked me eye to eye. Hers were so very blue…like the ocean…One could get lost in those eyes…lost at sea…

I broke out of her trance as a hand wandered towards my face. I tensed, afraid for some reason, of what she might do. As the tip of her fingers lightly brushed against the side of my cheek, I jerked my own hand up to push hers away and took a step backwards. I didn't want to meet her eyes again, but I found myself doing so anyway. Her expression was one of barely registered shock. She was probably wondering, like I was, just why I'd done that.

Our hands were still touching. I glanced at them. Hers so warm and thin, mine cold, pale and…changed…barely human anymore…Suddenly painfully self-conscious I brought both hands quickly to my side and stared at the floor to avoid her gaze. The two of us were quiet. I heard Pikachu jump off the couch and scamper across the floor to sit by Misty's feet and look up at me questioningly.

Misty's whisper broke through the silence. "…What happened…?"

_…What happened?…What happened…How else am I supposed to explain it besides what she already knows…?_

"…evolved…" I mumbled, still not looking up.

"…What?"

"…You know…"

I continued staring at the floor. Kinda interesting actually. Rug on wood. Misty was right at the edge of the rug. I was standing on the wood. They were both impeccably clean. Mimey's a really good housekeeper.

"…But…you didn't evolve…all the way…right?"

I shook my head.

"But how-?"

"Everstone," I muttered and showed it to her briefly before closing my hand again and bringing it back to my side.

"…You okay Ash…?" she asked softly.

_…Ha…That again…_

"I could be a whole lot better," I sighed, finally mustered the courage to finally look her in the eye again. She seemed to be…concerned…

_Everyone's always concerned about poor little Ash…because he's…he's not the same anymore…not really at all……I wonder how long it'll be before he's…gone…unless everyone already missed that…but then who does that make me…?_

I walked past her and dropped onto the couch, in the corner. After a second, she followed and sat down right next to me. Pikachu jumped into my lap and peered backwards and up to look at me. I used my empty hand to stroke his head. I glanced at Misty's hands. We were different. More than we'd ever been before.

I moved my hand slowly, shakily, until it was on top of hers. She glanced down at them, then at me. I kept watching our hands. Mine felt so cold, like ice, compared to hers. Still, in a way, it was better than that painful heat I'd felt when I started to evolve. I turned hers around and weaved my fingers through hers, shyly testing our limits, in their new shape mine were much more restrained than hers, until finally I wrapped my hand around hers and held it there, tight, but distant. I could feel my heart beating more rapidly. I was so nervous…

She looked back at our hands, and gently placed her other one over mine. She was so warm…so warm…

When she looked at me again, I had to look back at her, but all that warmth she'd been offering drained out of me. I was scared. I couldn't understand it myself, but I _was_…even if she…

_…She looks so much like…like her…daughter…!_

I broke away from her, tense from that sudden realization and stared nervously out at the other side of the room.

_She does…She does…What…but…Misty…the other one…She'll never be born now…At least, not at this rate…Maybe that's for the best…She wouldn't be the same anyway, would she…? Or would she…? But…is it right…for her to just…never exist…? Is that…is that right…? What…I don't…know…Maybe…Maybe it would be best if I never existed…Wouldn't it?…Then none of this would've happened…or would it…?…I don't know…I don't know anything anymore…Nothing makes sense anymore…It hasn't for a while, really…I should probably give up on trying to understand…_

Misty stayed silent for a moment longer, then settled back against the couch, sighed quietly and stared out at the rest of the room.

_…I'm pushing her away, aren't I…? Misty…I don't want to…I really don't, but…what are the chances of anything working out _now_…with everything that's happened to me…It's better for you this way. I'm……I'll…figure something out…eventually…_

"…Misty?" I whispered.

"Hm?"

I glanced at Pikachu. He was trying to give me an encouraging smile. I sighed.

"…What…What's gonna happen to me…?" I asked, barely audible. She didn't answer right away, and I continued. "I'm not…I'm not like anyone else anymore……No that's an understatement…" I looked at my hand again, and this time looked at Pikachu's too. Mine didn't even look like a proper _paw_ let alone a hand… "I'm a freak."

"What? Ash! Don't say that!"

"You know it's true…I'm not exactly _human_ anymore…but…I'm not a Pokémon either…What else would that make me…?"

"It doesn't matter! You're still Ash…"

_…Do you really believe that…or are you just trying to convince yourself…?_

I looked away again.

"Names…Heh…Like they really mean anything…"

"…Fine then. Names don't matter, but looks don't either. You said so yourself, it's the inside that counts."

_…Misty…it's the inside that changed first…_

"…You're still _you_ on the inside…That can never change…" she persisted.

_…Believe what you like…_

"……Maybe…" I said reluctantly.

She leaned against me. I didn't react outwardly, but inwardly I felt that fear set in again.

"You're just scared because of everything that's happening," she told me, "You'll see, Ash. Everything's gonna be fine…right?"

"…I sure hope so, Misty…" I sighed.

* * *

It turned out there were more changes evident than just my hands and skin tone. My eye color had faded to a slate gray. All traces of black in my hair were gone too, replaced by gray and a fine, pale pink sheen only really visible in strong light. My nose had gotten rounder maybe a little larger too. My ears had changed too. Again they were less human, sort of triangular, and more hollowed out, kind of cat-like I guess…I think they might've moved upwards on my head too. Perhaps the worst of all new developments, with the hair color being a close second, was the fact that I'd lost just over three inches of height…

Also, Mom had decided to go about cutting holes my pants and boxers for my tail. She even cut a slit from it to the top and added a button on a flap so I wouldn't have to pull my entire tail through every time I changed clothes. At any rate, they were a lot more comfortable, even if they were a little big…

Then she offered to make my newly acquired Everstone into a necklace of sorts, but I felt the comforting winter leave as soon as she took it away from me so I took it back just as fast and she didn't get a chance to make anything with it.

Misty made me call Gary after everything else had been taken care of. He wasn't at his house, but it turned out he was at the lab. Misty thought that was a good thing and that I should go meet him right away. She was coming with me of course. She said that a good battle was just what I needed to get my spirits up. While I followed her, hidden in that cloak again and with Pikachu inside and on my shoulder, I only hoped she was right.

* * *

It had never been so strange to knock on that door before. I just wanted to slip in and head out to the ranch as fast as possible so we wouldn't risk a run-in with Tracey, but Misty wasn't fond of that idea.

"You want us to look like burglars or something?" she retorted, "You already look like one in that cloak…"

"So…?" I tried, "Tracey's already seen me, so…why does he have to see me again?"

"Why _shouldn't_ he?" she asked bitingly.

"Well, um…because…"

I was spared from answering, but I didn't get any relief. At that moment, Tracey opened the door. I eeped and hid behind Misty.

"Hel…lo…?" he asked cautiously.

I avoided eye contact by holding Misty in front of me like a human shield. I was fine with letting her do the talking.

"Hello Tracey," she replied casually and very forcefully jammed her elbow into my gut.

"G-oohf…"

"Ah…Don't mind Ash," she continued, "He's a little…shy…right now…but I'll fix that…_right, Ash?_" she finished, stomping on my foot.

"Ow! _Misty!!_" I yelped and let go of her to nurse my foot and stomach. I heard Pikachu sigh.

"At _least_ say hello," she groaned before walking past Tracey and into the lab, leaving me and Pikachu alone with him.

I cowered inside the cloak. I didn't want to look at him. I was afraid that if I did, I'd be able to see how much he knew, just from looking at his eyes. I was afraid he had figured out everything. I wouldn't put him past him. He's the most observant guy I know except when it comes to Brock and all the Joys and Jennys…

"Um…hello…" I mumbled quickly and chased after Misty. She wasn't too far into the lab. She glared critically at me as I moved to hide behind her again.

"Did you say hello?" she asked.

"Yes," I answered, slipping behind her.

She groaned again in growing frustration as Tracey came in after us and shut the door. He paused for a moment by the doorway, scrutinizing us…me…

"Do you guys…need…anything?" he asked, raising an uncertain eyebrow.

I was about to ask where Gary was, but Misty spoke first.

"Oh, actually we do," she told him, "Do you have anything here that you might be able to attach to an Everstone so a Pokémon could wear it?"

_What!? We don't need one of those!_

"Misty!" I hissed.

"Quiet!" she whispered back.

_Great, what is she doing…?_

"Why…yes, we do…" Tracey said, "Come with me and I'll show you…Ash you probably remember, huh?"

"…Um…Maybe?"

They both ignored me and went to go find one. I followed behind.

"We're gonna need the exact size of the…Pokémon," Tracey was saying, "Most would wear it around their neck. Either way, we still need the exact size, because its very important that the Everstone remains in physical contact with the Pokémon…Otherwise it won't have any effect." He glanced at me over his shoulder. "Do you know the size of Mr. Mime's neck?"

_Uh…_

"Mr. Mime!?" Misty turned an incredulous stare in my direction and I felt compelled to further hide in the shadow that the hood provided…much like my hat does actually…

"Um…"

Tracey stopped at a row of drawers, pulled open one and took out a piece of chain and other pieces of metal jewelry things.

"So…do you know, Ash?" he asked while laying the metal things out on the counter.

_How do I get myself outta this one…?_

_Isn't it kinda obvious he knows you're lying…?_

"…You didn't bring Mimey here, so I assumed you knew…or maybe you accidentally said it was for Mimey while it's really for a different Pokémon…" He finished laying them out and turned to me. "You have the Everstone with you, don't you?"

_Yeah…he knows…_

"…Maybe…" I whispered to the floor.

I heard his footsteps and glanced up in alarm. He was coming towards me. As he got closer I took a few backwards steps but finally forced myself to still. He held out a hand.

"Give it to me Ash," he said quietly, "I know you have it…Just let me fit it and I'll set it in one of those necklaces and you can have it back…It's okay…"

My hand tightened around the freezing rock. I had grown fond of its coldness and smooth feel in my hand…but Misty and Tracey did have a point…If I just held it all the time, there was too great a risk. I could drop it at any time, and then……

_He's not mad or scared or anything…He just wants to help…Let him…_

_…Okay…but just this once…_

I let my quivering hand out of my cloak, cold and pale and unhuman…Palm down, with the Everstone still gripped tightly inside, I lowered it down to his, gradually unclenching it as our hands met. Finally, I pressed the rock down with my palm into his. I could still feel its coldness, so unlike the warmth all around it. I stared at our hands. I couldn't see the Everstone between them, but I could feel it. I knew it was there…If I let him have it…If I let him have it, he would change it for me, make it easier to keep safe. If I didn't, I might lose it…forever…and then…I would lose more…much more…But what if…in that small amount of time it would take for him to ensure the safety of this Everstone…it turned out that it was all too late?

_No…it's not worth it…_

I closed my hand around the stone again and pulled it back to me.

"Use a different one," I said softly, "I want to keep this one close to me until the other's ready…It's too risky any other way…"

I looked around the room without raising my head enough to meet either of their eyes or faces. I found a chair across the room and went to it and sat down. They didn't say anything right away. Tracey went back to the counter and looked at the pieces.

"Ash, you can put down that hood if you want…I already saw…"

_Why would I want to…?_

"Yeah Ash," Misty added, "You've got nothing to be ashamed of…"

_Oh I don't now…?_

"Pii…" Pikachu said as he crawled out of the hood and onto my lap.  
_'They're right, you know.'_

_Okay fine! I'll put down the hood. Geez…_

I flung it off and sighed irritably, just to show them what I thought about the whole matter. They didn't seem to care.

"Great, now I can get your size…" Tracey said, kind of to himself, as he came over to me with a measuring tape at ready. I eyed him warily as he approached then ducked as he attempted to wrap it around my neck.

"What are you doing!?"

"I'm getting your size!" he snapped back, "Just hold still, I'm not gonna choke you or anything."

"Piikaa!" Pikachu reassured me.  
_'I'll zap him if he tries!'_

I shifted unhappily in my seat but finally straightened up.

"Fine…but hurry up…" I muttered.

"This'll only take a second…"

I stiffened considerably as he brought it around my head and under my chin, then set it against my skin. Then he tightened it as he wrapped it around and…

"_Tracey!!_ That's too tight!!"

"I'm sorry Ash but it has to be tight! The Everstone has to be touching for it to work, remember?"

_…Oh yeah, it does, doesn't it…?_

"……Fine…"

He didn't take much longer after that, and he went back to the counter to start working on the necklace for me. He called Misty over after a while, because he needed a "woman's touch"…Yeah right…

"Okay Ash! It's all done. Here, come over and try it on," he said.

"Why don't you come over here?" I muttered to myself, but I went over there anyway. From what I could gather, the waiting was over and soon I'd be out on the ranch hunting for Gary.

Misty put it on me. I was right. It _was_ tight, but Tracey was also right. I needed it to be touching. I could tell more than ever when I felt that ice against me colder than the strongest Ice Beam…The stone in my hand grew colder too. I felt a cool chill run through me, bringing about a sense of calm, like a moonless night with an endlessy starry sky…

It was with great reluctance that I finally handed back my first Everstone, and the cool calmness faded away with it. When it did, I instinctively touched a hand to the new one by my neck, and I felt it return, not quite as strongly, but it was there, all the same.

Misty's whispered voice was unable to disturb me, and I think that was her intention, but I heard her.

"Ash…You wanna go find Gary now…?"

My only answer was the smallest of smiles.


	28. Empathy

Chapter 28  
"Empathy"

Green grass everywhere, the summer sun shining down and a wam breeze blowing through. It was like a dream, or a fond memory of a home I'd left behind. The best part of course, were the endless assortments of Pokémon careening freely throughout. There were different habitats spread around on the ranch. Dry, stony areas for rock or ground types, a huge lake for water types, and of course big fields for those who need open air or space to run, and forests for those that live in or need trees to live.

I kept my hood down as we wandered through in search of my rival, so I could fully enjoy these surroundings. According to Tracey, he was checking up on our Pokémon. Professor Oak was out somewhere too, doing his daily rounds.

"You're gonna tell Professor Oak what happened, aren't you?" Tracey asked me.

_Tell him what happened? I doubt I'll have a choice in the matter, judging by the last two days…_

"Guess so," I mumbled, "I'll definitely have to if Gary's around…"

Misty laughed softly. "Yeah…"

We found Gary at the edge of a wooded area and not too far from the lake. He was kinda easy to pick out because of the multitude of Pokémon he had surrounding him and because a lot of them were mine. Professor Oak also happened to be there.

I started to put my hood back up, but Misty elbowsed me sharply in the side, so I stopped. She has effective ways of getting her point across.

Gary was sitting in the middle of the crowd, and the Pokémon were roughly divided with mine on one side of him and his on the other. Umbreon sat next to him, and Professor Oak was watching them from off to the side. Gary was talking to the Pokémon, mostly mine, but he looked over and pointed some things out to his also. If I actually tried to listen, I could figure out what he was saying. I think they were talking about battling. 

"And so then…uh…_Ash!_" he exclaimed, "You've still got that thing? Heh…" He stood up and started to come closer, but stopped just after two steps. "…Whoa…What the hell happened to _you_?" He paused to consider my new look, then offered, "Bakery accident?"

I wasn't expecting _that_.

"_What?_"

"You look like you had a bad run-in with a sack of flour."

"…Uhhh…"

He kind of laughed to himself and shook his head. "Lemme guess. More of this evolution jazz?"

"Uh……yyeah…" I managed to reply before yelping in surprise as a certain Meganium thundered towards me, followed closely by an assortment of other potentially dangerous while at the same time as familiar and friendly creatures.

"MEGANIIII!!" Meganium cried happily before knocking me to the grass and rubbing her head against me affectionately.  
_'ASH!!'_

I barely had time to convince her to give me some breathing room before I found myself covered in Pokémon. They crawled all over me, each fighting for the chance to tell me personally just how much they missed me. I made sure they were all able to and I returned the favor. At least all thirty Tauros didn't try to get a hug. I would've given them to them, but my arms would be really tired by the time I was done.

Finally, they let me stand up again, and Meganium made a point of helping me. As soon as I was up she carefully rubbed her head against mine again, just light enough not to knock me over again. The rest of my Pokémon crowded around me, chattering excitedly among themselves.

I shot a concerned glance at Professor Oak. He was coming closer and I had to resist every possible urge to just run and hide behind Misty again. If there was any one person in Pallet I wouldn't want to find out about this whole mess, it was him. Sure, he's a wonderful guy but…he's a researcher…I mean, I trust him, but…it's his job to…to research this type of stuff…but I don't think he could do anything to help…

_…On the other hand, out of all the Pokémon professors out there to confide in, I'd choose him…_

I swallowed and eyed him with a downturned gaze. He didn't say anything right away, just blinked a lot and stared at me. Finally, he cleared his throat and offered a greeting.

"Ash? That's really you, isn't it?"

I glanced at Misty, who was trying to look calm. Tracey and Gary looked like they were about to explain if I didn't. I decided I'd better speak first.

"Yeah…Yeah it's me…" I whispered and dared to look straight at him and everyone.

He blinked more. "Well…uh…I'm glad to see that you're……here. Are you feeling better? Your mother said you were sick…"

"I'm feeling good enough…"

"Ash, did you come to battle?" Gary asked.

I stared at him in surprise.

_He's not going to make me explain everything to Professor Oak? Whoa…Thanks Gary…_

"Uh…Yeah! Yeah, I did."

"Isn't this great?" Misty joined in, "You must be excited Ash, your first real battle in…months!"

_Okay, she's happy about something…_

"Your Pokémon are all still in good shape, Ash," Gary said, "Mine are too. We're all ready to start if you are. What do you say?"

"Um…Sure, let's get started."

He nodded. "Thought so. Okay, since we're just training, why don't we go ahead and break a few rules? You can use any Pokémon you've got, and you don't have to stop after you've used six. I'll do the same thing. That way they'll all get to practice and you can decide which six you want to bring to Indigo after we're done. Sound good to you?"

"Uhhh…That many Pokémon…? Umm…Sure…I guess…"

"Let's make room for a battlefield! Spread out Ash!"

"…Right. Come on guys."

I moved away from Gary until Charizard stopped me because we were already a field length away. We turned to face him. Misty, Tracey and Professor Oak stayed to the side. Misty and Professor Oak started to sit down, because I guess they figured it would be a long battle. Oddly, Tracey remained standing.

"Ash! You choose first and I'll pick someone to evenly match it!" Gary called out.

"Umm…okay!"

I gazed out at my wide array of Pokémon to choose from. I knew that whoever I picked, Gary probably could match me. He had more than enough to choose from. Even after this many years his number of Pokémon more than quadrupled mine.

_There's still so many to choose from…Who should I pick…??_

I guess Gary could tell I was taking a long time.

"Ash! Let's just make this first one a warm-up!"

_A warm up? Sounds like a good idea…Let's warm up…_

"Okay…I choose…um…Cyndaquil!"

The little fire mouse smiled happily and waddle out to the battlefield. After crouching down, a small but violent-looking spew of flames shot out of the hot spots on his back.

Gary nodded. "Cyndaquil, huh? Then I'll choose…" he glanced back at his huge assortment of Pokémon, "Ninetales! Go!"

From out of the crowd leapt a pale, sleek, graceful form with nine flowing tails trailing behind her like streamers. She landed, poised, in front of Gary and narrowed her crystalline red eyes at Cyndaquil.

"Even if this is just the first match, let's make this interesting, shall we? Ninetales! Fire Spin!"

_Fire Spin…? …That's…That's its…strongest…attack…right?_

"Niiinne!!" Ninetales opened her mouth and a dazzling stream of fire blew out and formed into a spinning cyclone.

_Uh oh…Cyndaquil better…do…something……I'm…I'm supposed to…tell it…_

Cyndaquil stood fearlessly as the burning tornado came closer and closer, patiently awaiting…my command…

_That Fire Spin's just gonna run him over if he doesn't do something…_

IT was just a few feet away from him when he finally looked back at me over his shoulder, confused from my silence.

"Cynda?"  
_'Huh?'_

Fire flashed through my mind. Cyndaquil taking the brunt of the attack and getting trapped in the whirling flames, pain swirling though just like the fire that threatened to…

"_Cyndaquil look out!!_" I screamed.

He turned back to face the attack just as it reached him. Roaring, burning fire, scorching, suffocating, surrounding. I gasped helplessly, only able to watch as the flames tore through like ripping, scalding…

"Cyynda!!" Cyndaquil cried as he was thrown free and landed on his back, temporarily extinguishing his fiery quills.

I only stood, shaking deeply on the inside, watching him stand up carefully and reignite his flames; myself frozen in place, unsure of what I was doing there and why I was attempting to do whatever it was I was trying to do.

_The fire…It burns…_

"Come on Ash!" Gary shouted, "It's time for you to fight back!"

_Ash…? Like the burnt remains of a fire. What was once brilliant and bright, burned away to nothing but ashes…_

"Ash! Snap out of it!!" Misty yelled harshly, piercing through my throughts. I turned to her, confused and hopeful that she could help. "What's the matter with you!?" she demanded, "You can't just space out like that in the middle of a battle! You have to focus or you'll lose!"

_Battle…?…Battle! That's right…That's what I…we…were doing…We were battling……_

I looked back at Cyndaquil. His quill flames were still going strong despite the brown spots, burns, he'd acquired from Ninetales's Fire Spin…

_Those burns…They…hurt…_

Misty wasn't the only one who was getting impatient. From across the field, Gary yelled out, "Come _on_! Just order an attack already!! Any attack is fine, just _do something_!"

_An attack…An attack? Like what?_

_Cyndaquil…He has specific attacks that he's learned…What…What are they again…? I don't…I…I should know this!! Why…What…I don't…_

I stared at Cyndaquil, at his back, since that's what was facing me, and the fire…

_He should know…some…type of fire attack, right…? What…What kind? What are they called…?_

_I can't believe this! I know it's been a while since I've battled but…this shouldn't be _this_ hard!_

"I…um…I don't…know…" I stared up at the sky helplessly, searching for an answer in the clouds and finding none… "Cyndaquil, use……use a……attack."

Cyndaquil didn't move immediately. Eventually, he looked back over at me questioningly.

"Cyndaquil?"  
_'What attack?'_

"…I don't know…Any attack…Just…do something."

"Cyn…da…?"  
_'O…kay…?'_

Cyndaquil turned back to his opponent and ran forwards a little, then blew out a stream of fire that engulfed Ninetales, and again I was lost in the fire and the burning pain that it delivered…I closed my eyes.

"Ninetales, Quick Attack!"

"Cynda…"

"Nine!!"

A sudden impact jolted me followed by a cry of pain, and I looked up to see Cyndaquil flying towards me. He landed heavily on the ground and I winced at the new pain.

_What are we doing? Fighting? Battling? Why…?_

Cyndaquil got up again and again relit his back flame. He waited a moment for a command, but when none came, he took his own initiative and retaliated with a…Quick Attack…of his own.

Again the impact, the pain.

Under Gary's orders, Ninetales used an Ember attack.

_The fire…_

I closed my eyes. I felt weak.

_The…pain…_

"Pikapi!"

With a soft groan, I sank down to my knees, hitting the grass with a light thud. I didn't open my eyes until I could hear and feel that the battle had stopped.

Gary checked briefly on Ninetales and Cyndaquil before running to me.

"Hey! Are you okay!?"

I stared out at Ninetales and Cyndaquil. They didn't seem to mind the battle at all, and Cyndaquil was quickly running over to join Gary…

"Ash…?" he tried again.

Several of my Pokémon made similar inquiries, but I couldn't find an answer. I found myself staring up at Gary. Misty, Tracey, and Professor Oak were coming too.

"What's wrong?" Gary asked.

I lowered my face to meet my hands and shook my head slowly.

"I don't know…" I answered, my voice muffled, "I don't know what happened…I don't know…"

"Ash…" Misty knelt next to me and I felt her pull me close. I let myself lean into her but did nothing else.

"Uhhh…Maybe you're still sick…?" Gary guessed hesitantly.

I carefully shook my head. "…No…I don't think…No…"

"Cyndaquil! Cynda, cynda!"  
_'I don't think you really wanted to fight! That's why you didn't say anything!"_

_Cyndaquil…_

"…Maybe…" I said quietly.

"Pika pika!" Pikachu argued, "Pikapika pikachu!"  
_'I think you just weren't ready! You just need more practice!'_

"……Maybe…"

"Do you feel okay now, Ash?" Tracey asked.

"Uh…Yyeah…"

"You wanna try again?" asked Gary, "We can choose different Pokémon this time…I'll even choose someone weak against yours!"

_Maybe…_

I carefully moved away from Misty and stood up on my own. She stood up just after me and looked like she was ready to catch me if I fell.

"Okay…" I said, "Let's keep going…I'll…I'll be okay."

"…If you say so…"

Gary, Tracey, and Professor Oak went back to their previous spots. Misty stayed next to me and put a hand on my shoulder. She didn't say anything.

"You choose first Ash!" Gary called.

"…Alright…"

I looked around me at my Pokémon. They all looked ready to fight…

"I choose…"

"Megaaa…" Meganium grinned, sticking her face right in mine.  
_'I'll battle for you…'_

"Uh…Okay. I choose Meganium."

"Ganium!" she smiled and rubbed her head against me appreciatively before tromping out to fight.  
_'Good choice!'_

"Meganium?…If I go _too_ easy on you, I'll lose for sure…How about…Kingler! Go!"

I gulped. His massive Kingler sidestepped onto the field, bubbles already foaming at his mouth. He was almost as big as Meganium.

"Mega!" Meganium glowered at him.

Kingler only looked her way and blew a few more bubbles.

"I guess I really oughta save him for when you send out your Kingler, but I had to pick a strong Pokémon to fight Meganium if we're gonna fight with a type disadvantage," Gary commented.

_…He's going easy on me…Meganium should have a major advantage against Kingler, no matter what size it is…and…Meganium's strong too. Now all that's left is…to actually fight…Remember what Misty said…I have to focus…_

"Let's get started."

"That's what I like to hear! Kingler! How 'bout starting us off with a Bubble attack!?"

"Kookii!"

Kingler faced off against Meganium and blew the foam at his mouth out to Meganium.

_Flash of black. Water. Bubbles everywhere. Drowning…_

I cringed and shook my head quickly.

_What just…?_

"Ash…?" Misty asked softly.

I shook my head once more and looked back out at the battle. The bubbles hit Meganium like lightweight bullets. Some foam and water dripped down her sides and petals. After enduring the attack, she glared angrily at Kingler, more than ready to fight back.

"Meganium use…uh……"

_What are Meganium's attacks again…?_

Meganium paused then looked at me, worried.

"Ganium?" she asked.  
_'Use what?'_

"Uhh…"

"Meganium!" she scolded.  
_'Don't tell me you forgot!'_

I scratched my head. "What do you want me to tell you then?"

"Gaaa!?" Meganium cried in disbelief.  
_'Whaaa!?'_

"Ash…" Misty whispered, "Meganium's attacks are Vine Whip, Sweet Scent, Tackle, Razor Leaf and Solarbeam…"

I blinked at her in surprise. "Uhh…Oh…Um…I…woulda thoughta that eventually…" I turned back to Meganium, "Meganium, use…uh……Sweet Scent!"

"Ga…nium…" she replied hesitantly.  
_'Uh…Okay…'_

Meganium lowered her neck so her petals formed a perfect circle directed at Kingler. The petals moved as if a breeze was blowing through them, and a pink, sweet smelling odor drifted towards the pincer Pokémon.

_This time, feel no pain, only the disguised toxin, remain disoriented and vulnerable…_

I shut my eyes and held my breath.

_What!?_

I couldn't hold my breath for too long, and I coughed and peered back out with one eye. Kingler wasn't able to dodge the attack. The pink scent left him dazed and…vulnerable…

"…Ash, now's your chance to get a hit in," Misty whispered, "Order another attack. A good one."

_A good attack? What…is she talking about…?_

I glanced from her to Meganium. "Um…Use……"

_Oh come on…I should know this…What's a good attack…?_

"Use…Tackle!"

"Tackle!?" Misty squeaked.

Meganium didn't waste any time hesitating. She stampeded towards Kingler, putting all her force into it…

I gasped and looked down before she hit. The blow was earth-shattering. Even through thick armor, the force hurt like a falling boulder…

I trembled even as Misty wrapped her arm tighter around me.

"Mee_ ga_!!"

"Kooo!"

"Crabhammer!!"

"Kookiiiee!"

"Ni!?"

_Another smash. Like a tidal wave. Gallons upon gallons of water…coming down…ready to bury…to drown…to crush…_

"_Meganium!_" Meganium cried in pain. I heard the crack of Kingler's claw against her.

_The pain…It…The pain…It can't…I can't let there be pain!!_

"No no no no no no no noo…Stop!!" I cried feebly and stumbled away from Misty. With a sob, I wrapped my arms around Meganium's neck and collapsed by her side. I cried into her ever sweet smelling flower petals.

"Megani…? Mega…?"  
_'Ash…? What…?'_

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I'm so sorry…Are you okay…?" I looked tearfully at Kingler. "And you? Are you alright…?"

"…Ganiu…"  
_'…I'm fine…'_

"Kookie…"  
_'Me too…'_

I nodded. "That's good…That's good…"

"Ash…!" Misty called, "What are you doing…?"

I wiped away tears and let go of Meganium's neck so I could sit back against her leg. "…I don't know…" I answered, "I…I just……Maybe I'm not in the mood for battling right now…"

"Megani…" Meganium lowered head to my level and rubbed her face against my cheek.

"…You seemed in the mood earlier…" Misty said quietly.

"Kingler, go take a rest…" I heard Gary say. I glanced to my other side. Gary was standing right where Kingler had been. Kingler was going back to wherever he came from. Gary looked at me, uncertainty and a little disappointment in his eyes. "Guess we're not gonna keep goin' huh?"

"…Guess not."

"Hmh…" He looked at the grass.

Tracey and Professor Oak walked slowly over from the sidelines. Tracey had that look on his face like he was figuring something out and was almost there. Professor Oak had a similar look, except he seemed very, very confused.

"Hey, why don't we turn in for now and we can talk about this more once we get back to the lab?" Tracey suggested.

"That sounds like a good idea to me!" Professor Oak said hurriedly, "Let's go right away."

I looked from each one of them to another. Something had went wrong…It was me…

I nodded. "Yeah…Let's…go…"


	29. Caged

Chapter 29  
"Caged"

A good majority of my Pokémon came with me to the lab, and since I didn't have their Pokéballs to begin with, I didn't put any of them inside. They frolicked or lazed around the room as the humans and I discussed other matters.

I sat on the couch with Misty next to me, Pikachu on my lap, and my cloak draped over the back of the couch behind me. I'd ended up removing it to show Professor Oak and Tracey just how different I really was…They were in shock for a while, but they seemed to be recovering. Tracey was getting over it quickest, I think. If Professor Oak hadn't been so surprised, I'm sure he would've kept the conversation on the topic of my evolution itself, but Tracey had other ideas.

"Ash, I made quite a few interesting observations during that battle you had with Gary, and I think you might like to hear what I've deducted from them…"

_He sounds more and more like a professor every time I come to visit…_

"Yeah…?" I asked.

"Indeed," he nodded, "I noticed…Well, there was the obvious, you forgot the Pokémons' attacks and sort of broke down before each match could finish…but aside from that, I also noticed that just before each Pokémon attacked, you would flinch…as if the attack was aimed at you…Is that right?"

_……Is it…?_

"Uh, yeah I kinda noticed that too when I was next to him…" Misty added.

_You did…?_

Tracey nodded thoughtfully. "Is that what happened Ash? Are we right?"

_…Are…you…? I……Maybe……_

_No, definitely…_

I nodded slightly. "…Yeah…I think so……"

"Did it feel like they hit you…?" Tracey followed.

I closed my eyes and replayed the attacks in my mind. They were so vivid…They didn't have that feeling of reality like the dreams did, but they were there, and they were strong. Very strong, even if I only felt them in my mind…

I spoke softly. "It was kind of like when I fought for my Earth Badge…You weren't there, Tracey, but Misty, Gary, you should remember…It was kind of like that…They had those triggers that shocked me every time my Pokémon got hurt…That was a different kind of pain than what I felt in that last battle…In Viridian, the shocks were generated by electricity so they all felt the same, and it was only when my Pokémon got hurt. Here, I don't know what caused them, but they were different for each attack and I could feel it for both sides. It was like I was stepping inside the Pokémon for a moment and feeling the hit for them…"

I opened my eyes without really seeing. It felt strange. I couldn't remember the last time I'd said so much…

They were quiet for a moment. Tracey scooted forward in his seat and looked at me intensely. "Ash, this Pokémon that you were evolving into…Mew, did you say? Do you know what element it is?"

"…Psychic…"

He nodded solemnly. "That's what I was gonna guess…Do you think that maybe you were psychically picking up the feel of the attacks…?"

_Whatever that's supposed to mean, it sounds about right…_

"Guess so…"

"Hmm…Fascinating…"

_…He thinks it's fascinating…_

_…At least someone does…_

"What's that mean, Tracey?" asked Misty, "Do you think that Ash is…psychic?"

"Looks like it to me," he replied.

_……_Psychic_? They think I'm……Uhhh…Nekiro did mention something like-…but…!_

"Waitasec, I don't think-! I…_Me_!? Pssychic?" I laughed breathily. "You gotta be kidding…"

"…I dunno Ash," Tracey said, "It seems like the most likely possibility."

"That's crazy…" I answered, still putting up the façade that I was lightly pushing away that possibility.

"Uh, I have to agree with Ash," Gary put in, "He's not the first guy I'd label as psychic if I had to pick someone…"

I wondered whether I should thank him sincerely or sarcastically…

"Well, maybe not," Tracey replied, "but he's the first human I've seen almost evolve so there's gotta be _something_…"

_Can we change the-?_

"Does this mean he can read our minds?" Misty asked.

"Uh…I dunno," Tracey started.

"No!" I interrupted, "Even if I could, I wouldn't! Tracey, that's a really interesting theory you got there, but…" I shook my head. "Come on! I'm not psychic. It's not like I've never been sympathetic with a Pokémon before…"

"That looked like more than just sympathy to me…"

"I know how we could settle this!" Professor Oak exclaimed suddenly, making everyone jump, "Let's go to the lab! I've got all sorts of scanners in there…They'll be able to detect if he has any psychic power."

_…Scanners…!?_

I stared nervously at the professor. He had this gleam in his eye…He looked excited…Too excited…

He got up and went to the lab, leaving the rest of us sitting there utterly confused.

"I think we'd better follow him," Tracey said, and everyone else agreed, though Misty had to pull me off the couch. I followed behind everyone, hugging Pikachu close to me.

Professor Oak was already ready to start when we caught up with him. He stood at what was probably the control panel to the big complicated-looking machine nearby.

"Tracey, would you turn that on please?"

"Sure thing, Professor," Tracey replied and went to go fiddle with it.

"Thanks," Professor Oak said and turned back to the control panel, "Ash, let me explain how this works so nothing surprises you. This is a general scanner for Pokémon of medium to large size. It works much in the same way as your Pokédex does to identify Pokémon, only this is a far more in depth scan and finds info on individual Pokémon rather than the whole species. The machine will not actually have to touch you. You'll just sit in there and it will use its scanners to get information. It's perfectly painless."

Something about the fact that he had to assure me that it was painless was unnerving…

Tracey stood up. "It's all ready to go over here."

"Mm-hm. Just give me a little longer over here…" Professor Oak nodded, "I have to get it configured correctly…"

I glanced between them and the machine. It was large and shaped like a box, only one of the sides was missing and the two adjacent ones were made of glass with thin white lines crisscrossing horizontally and vertically through them. Each square they formed was about an inch wide. The back side was against the wall of the room and was a dark metal color. It had all sorts of strange looking lights and machine things on it, probably sensors. The rest of the machine, the top and the base, didn't look much better.

_I knew this was gonna happen…I knew it. He may be a friend, but he's a scientist first and foremost. Now…once we get started, I doubt we'll ever get finished…_

"Ash, you can go inside now. It's just about ready."

I didn't move, just stared at it. Even when Misty tried to push me forward, I didn't budge.

"…Ash?"

They were starting to get farther and farther away…No wait. I was backing away from them…

"Ash, where are you going?" Misty asked.

_Away…Away…from…_

An unrecognized fear had taken hold of me.

_These people…These people…They want…They want me…to…for…them…That's what they…I…I am…They are…_

My tail hit the side of the open door. I stopped.

_What am I doing? What are they doing? They're so far away. They'll come close, then they, I…What are they going to…?_

_I could escape. I could escape now. I'm close to the exit. They won't be able to catch me. And I could go home…_

Misty took a few steps closer. I took a step back.

"Ash…What's the matter…?" she asked quietly. She moved closer again. I cringed and hugged Pikachu closer to me, burying my face in his back. She didn't stop this time. I tensed, ready to bolt. I felt her hand on my arm, trying to pull it down so she could look at my face. I felt myself recoil forcefully, heard myself yell at her not to touch me. "…What…? Ash…we're not gonna hurt you…What's  wrong…?"

"Pika…"  
_'Yeah…'_

She tried again. I screamed and spun around to free myself from her, throwing Pikachu aside. "_Leave me alone!_" I fell to a corner formed by a machine and the wall next to the door. I curled up there as tight as I could, not facing them, sobbing, confused, frightened. Nothing made sense. Something didn't fit together…Maybe it was me…

I heard their murmurs. They sounded so clear to me. "What's the matter with him? What's he doing? Keep trying, Misty."

Misty did keep trying. A light, warm hand touched my shoulder. I shoved it off. "Don't touch me." My voice sounded strange, hoarse, even to me. The other voices became quiet. I heard her stand up. She started to leave through the door.

"Where are you going?" Tracey.

"Let's leave him alone for now," she answered quietly, "…Ash, we'll be waiting for you whenever you're ready." She left.

"Pi…Pika…"  
_'What…Bye…'_

Tracey talked again. "Professor Oak, what should we-?"

"Let's go…" he sighed. I heard the machine whir and die down. "There's nothing we can do."

Four sets of footsteps went through that door again. Two of them stopped by me for a second. Through the corner of my eye, I could recognize brown boots and an Umbreon. Gary. I had the feeling he wanted to say something but decided not to. They left too, gently closing the door behind them. In the distance, across from the path all of them had taken, I could see a small yellow form.

"…Pikapi…"

I turned away from him, still sniffling to myself, before I flipped around so my back was against the wall and I could see the rest of the room while I hugged my knees to my chest and curled my tail around me once more.

"What just happened…?" I whispered aloud. I was certain that I was just as confused as everyone else was…I had no idea…what just happened… "Why…?" I shuddered suddenly and hugged myself tighter.

"Pi…Pikapi…Kachu…"  
_'What…Ash…You okay?'_

I shook my head without looking at him.

_Can't he tell? Isn't it obvious?_

I heard more audible footsteps approach me, two sets of feet to one Pokémon. I barely glanced up to see Meganium standing in front of me. I hadn't even noticed that she came in with us…

"Meganiu…?" she asked.  
_'You were scared weren't you?'_

I eventually answered with a slight nod.

"Meganium…Mega!"  
_'There's nothing to be afraid of…Look!'_

I watched her run over to the machine and carefully climb inside. Then she went straight to the middle turned around some and sat down.

"Megaa!"  
_'See I'm okay!'_

_Meganium…_

I sighed. "I know that…I know it's safe…but…I…" I shook my head.

_How can I explain what I don't even understand myself…?_

I placed my forehead on my knees. I just didn't feel like bothering with anything anymore. I didn't get to keep it there long. After leaving the cage, machine I mean, Meganium came and nudged my head up until I was staring at her round, green face and huge, yellow eyes.

"Megani…Meganium…"  
_'Ash…It's gonna be alright…'_

"Pi ka chu…"  
_'That's right…'_

_You can _say_ that, but…_

I carefully bent my head down again and pushed Meganium away from me, then crossed my arms over my knees and settled myself like that. Meganium sounded a little disappointed, but didn't do anything else. It was then in the relative quiet that I heard something else, through the door.

"I should've expected something like this…" Misty was saying. She sounded upset. For a second I wondered what she was talking about, but I was able to figure it out pretty fast. "He wasn't fine when he left. I wasn't that worried about nothing! I guess I was just so happy to see him again that I forgot about that…I thought he did too…"

_…Yeah she's definitely talking about me…_

"So…you really weren't just making that up, huh…?" I heard Gary say.

_Making what up?…Everything…?_

"Of course I wasn't…Why would I?"

"I don't know! It just didn't seem believable…until now…I mean, this is Ash we're talking about…"

_I guess it is…right?_

"I know what you mean," Misty answered, "I don't want to believe it either, but…We can't just ignore this. It's not gonna just go away. We have to help him somehow."

"You got a plan?"

"…No…I've tried everything I could think of…I don't know what to do anymore…If only we could get him to talk to us without being afraid. I don't think he trusts anyone anymore…"

_Why would I…? I can't even trust myself…_

"Well, can you blame him?" Tracey put in, "You gotta admit, things are going pretty rough for him right now. I'd have trouble finding someone to trust in too if I were in his place."

"We're going to have to prove that we're still his friends," Professor Oak said, "From there, we'll work out a way to help him out…"

_You sound like you're talking about some wild Pokémon that you found…That's not what I am, am I…?_

"How are we gonna do that!?" Misty demanded, with much more frustration in her voice than I anticipated, "I've tried everything…! It's been over two months now since he's been acting like this and nothing's changed. Actually, I take that back. It's almost worse now that he…evolved…or whatever…I mean, you don't have any idea just how happy I am that he's still…alive…but…" She stopped there. Her emotions carried away her voice, I could tell.

The rest of them were uncomfortably silent after that. Not sure how to respond, I guess. I wasn't very comfortable myself…

_Happy I'm still alive……I guess she should be…I…guess I don't blame her……I wonder…should I be happy too…? Maybe…or maybe it's just good enough that she's happy for that…That they all are…It doesn't matter…what I think…Why would that matter? It's not like I have any control over anything anyway. They just happen and I have to go along with it…whether I like it or not…and now…Now what? I came back. I'm here. They do care about me here. They've proved that already…but…that's not all that's been proven…_

"How long do you think he's gonna stay in there?" Gary asked.

I winced.

_Good question…_

"Not too long, I hope…" Misty answered, then sighed, "It wouldn't do any good to rush him though…"

"Huh?"

"I don't want to make him more upset…"

"Ah…Yeah, good point…"

_They're just gonna sit out there waiting for me…? I doubt that…Still…I shouldn't make them wait _too_ long…_

Misty spoke again, this time her voice was more subdued. She was worried I think. "We _can_ help him, right…?"

It took a while for anyone to answer. My chest tightened up around my lungs as I waited for a response.

_They _can_ help can't they…!?_

"Of course," Tracey replied finally.

I let myself breathe again, but the tightness didn't go away. He wasn't being totally sincere when he said that. He just wanted to make Misty feel better.

_So many lies flying around just to make people feel better…It's a shame none of them work…_

I curled back into a ball and shut out their voices and anything else around me. I didn't want to hear them anymore. I didn't really want to be there anymore.

_They can try to "help" all they want, but it won't do any good. The problem doesn't center around them. It's not their fault, it isn't something they could fix. The problem is entirely me…I just…I just don't belong here anymore…I am the problem. And isn't…isn't the easiest way to fix a problem just to…get rid of it? Wouldn't everyone be better off if I just wasn't here…? I think so…And I've found another way to leave too. I don't _have_ to die…There is a place for me in this life. With the others. In the sanctuary. It's that simple…_

I looked around at the room blurred with tears. Machines were everywhere. Man-made concoctions. The entire room, made by humans…All of it so sharp and crisp. All the corners at perfect right angles. The machines with their beeping sounds and blinking lights and all the fancy controls…A machine doesn't think. It's just a tool, designed for a specific task, and that's all that it can do. No thoughts or feelings of its own. Can't even get up and walk away if it wants to. Kept there as a slave until it gets old and dies.

Trapped.

Isn't that what we…humans…do…? Lock everything up. Trap everything. Nowhere to run. Just stuck here until we're useless. Trapped in these rooms with their perfect right angles…Closed, contained rooms…Even the doors, the windows, the exits…covered up…with their perfect right angles…

_I hate this place…_

            *  *  *

We left eventually. I wrapped myself up in the cloak again and followed Misty back to my house. By then, I knew exactly what I had to do…

"Oh there you are!" Mom greeted us happily. Misty returned the greeting, and Pikachu also did from inside my hood. I said nothing and did not move away from the door. Mom glanced at me, expecting some type of response I guess. "Ash?"

"I have to leave," I said, quickly and quietly. I could not let them argue with me…

"…What…?"

"I've been thinking about this for awhile," I continued softly, "Now I'm certain. I can't stay here any longer. There's no place for me here. I don't have any choice." I bowed my head, letting the shadow of the hood conceal my face. I carefully lifted Pikachu off my shoulder and knelt down to place him on the ground. I put a hand on his head. A tear of a memory threatened to fall.

_So much like our first goodbye…but this time, I know it will be our last…_

"I'm sorry," I whispered to Pikachu.

I stood up quickly after that, not giving him a chance to question or protest.

"…What are you doing…?" Mom asked quietly.

"…I'm leaving. I told you. I can't stay. Things are a different now. I'm different. I don't belong here…I have to leave, so…" I couldn't fight the urge to take one last painful look at them. With that, my last word emerged as a choked whisper. "…goodbye…"

Silence swept in as we stood there. I stepped backwards stiffly, a hand darted to the doorknob. I stared at their eyes, wide and confused. My other leg moved backwards as my hand twisted the doorknob around. The door gave way and I suddenly found myself running, and I did not look back.

I could hear them cry out my name and I fought to shut them out, but I couldn't ignore the rush of footsteps running after me. I chanced to look back. Misty and Pikachu were sprinting to catch up, with Pikachu in the lead. Mom stood at the edge of our yard, one hand gripped tightly on the fence. I could tell she was praying that Misty and Pikachu would catch me.

I shut my eyes and focused only on running faster. I tried to let instinct take over and soon found myself hurtling towards the woods. Yes, I would have a better chance of losing them in there…

It was only a few yards away…

"Pikachu, stop him!!"

"Pii kaa!!"

_What? He sounds like he's…_

The sound of sparks caught my attention. I looked back just in time to see a bolt of lightning shooting towards me. I had no time to dodge. The lightning hit, the familiar feeling of electricity coursed through me. I barely felt myself hit the ground. I could still feel the static in my body as I struggled to look up.

_It's been such a long time…I forgot what what real, physical pain feels like…_

"Pikapi!!"

_Pikachu…_

The sight of that worried little Pokémon was enough to get me back on my feet again. I jumped up and backed away.

_No sudden movements. He could attack again._

"Ash!"

I spun around to face Misty as she drew closer.

_They caught me…_

She paused for a moment to catch her breath, then looked angrily back at me. "Just what do you think you're doing!?"

I tensed. They were being hostile. I had tried to leave as calmly as possible so this wouldn't happen…

"I'm leaving," I repeated.

"No! No you're not!" she shouted. Something told me her aggressiveness was more because she was upset than angry… "You can't leave!"

"I have to…"

"You have to _stay_!"

"Pika, pika!"  
_'That's right!'_

I took another step backwards. "You don't understand…I'm not the same anymore. I don't fit here. Maybe I never should've come back…but I did. And now I have to leave again. This time, I won't be coming back…It's…how it has to be. It's for the best."

"Ash…I think you're the one who doesn't understand…" Misty said quietly.

_No, she's not gonna let me leave…_

I backed up. Whatever she was gonna say, I didn't want to hear it…

"Just because you've changed a little doesn't mean anything…You're still Ash…I still love you. That's all that matters to me. That's all that matters to everyone else, just in different forms…You don't have to run away again…You _can't_ run away again. I'm not going to let you…"

"Pikachu."  
_'Me too.'_

I brought shaky hands up to cover my face, and my tears. They couldn't understand…They just couldn't understand…

"You don't get it!" I cried, "That's not why I'm leaving! I'm leaving because…because I _just can't stay_!! I can't stay because you…you…you…All of you! You, and every other human out there! You just don't under-"

I stopped. Frozen. Something had slipped that I didn't even know I was holding back.

_You and every other human…_

I took several unsteady steps backwards and stood there awkwardly, my words hanging chill in the summer air.

_You and…human…_

My knees gave. They hit the grass, but I felt nothing, saw nothing, only heard those words…

_…human…_

I couldn't tell if I was breathing.

_Human…That's what I'm…not…_

I saw black as warm arms tightened around me and held me close. I could feel Misty's soft cheek against mine and our breath mixed together. She was whispering to me…softly…sweetly…I didn't pick up exact words right away, but it didn't matter to me…and then she kissed me. Turned my head towards her and kissed me. And it was a warm kiss, woven tightly with love. This time, instinct didn't fight me.

When it was over, I opened my eyes and saw hers looking back at me.

"…So…" she finished, barely whispering, "please stay…"

I didn't answer her. My eyes closed and I settled against her, warm tears emerged and flowed evenly. The decision was made. Come hell or high water, I was going to keep it.


	30. Four Days

A/N: Welcome to a super-long special edition of One Heart…Please enjoy it, because it may be the last one I post in a while. I'm not sure yet. If I do take a break from this story, don't worry, I will keep working on one of my other ones. Feel free to make suggestions or convince me to continue with this one, but don't forget to review too. Tat's all *^_^*;

Chapter 30  
"Four Days"

I sat in the shade of a tree a good distance from my Pokémon who were playing out in the grass. I was trying hard to just not pay attention to them at all, because I knew they weren't just playing around, they were practicing, training, because they knew what was coming and they wanted to be ready. The humans were over by the water, doing _something_, I wasn't sure what. I just wanted a break from all that battling nonsense.

I sighed and glanced at Espeon, who was quietly batting at a little yellow flower next to me. She covered it carefully with two paws, then released it and it sprung back into her face. She crouched over it and sniffed then sneezed and backed away from it. She ended up curled against me and I absently scratched behind her ear. Professor Oak told me she'd come down with something a few days ago and hadn't recovered yet, but he also knew she wanted to see me again and he thought it would be good for both of us. That's why she was with me, but she wasn't training and I definitely wasn't going to bring her to Indigo with me.

Out in the grass, Pikachu, Bulbasaur, and Charizard were team-battling against Meganium, Totodile, and Cyndaquil. Meganium was doing the brunt of the fighting for her side, lashing out at Pikachu and Bulbasaur with Vine Whip, Razor Leaf, and Body Slam while Totodile aimed furious Water Guns and Hydro Pumps at the flying, fire-breathing Charizard. Cyndaquil tried to help out Meganium with Bulbasaur but he was able to assist Totodile and aim a flame at Pikachu on more than one occasion. On the other side, Pikachu was bouncing all over the place with his Agility, blasting electric attacks at anyone of the other side who braved to get near him. Bulbasaur tore into Meganium with Razor Leafs and Vine Whips like there was no tomorrow, while Charizard took to the sky, sailing out of reach and breathing down an endless torrent of fire. The rest of my Pokémon were training in similar ways, but those six seemed to be the most serious.

I hated to watch them. They were getting hurt, and I could tell all too well. What made it worse was that they were doing it on their free will…

_What could possibly drive them so they _want_ to do this…?_

"…Espeon…?" I said with looking at her. I wasn't even sure why I started talking to her to be honest.

"Spe?" she asked, looking up at me.  
_'Yes?'_

"…Espeon, can you…can you feel…what they feel…over there…when they get hurt…?"

"…Espe…Espeon…"  
_'…A little…If I try…'_

I closed my eyes, without realizing that I'd put a hand over my heart. "I can……It…hurts…"

"Espe…Espeon!"  
_Ash…Hey!'_

She jumped into my lap and rubbed her head against my chest, forcing my hand away. I placed it on her, then turned that into a hug.

"Thank you…"

"Espe…" Espeon whispered back before he started coughing. He rested tiredly against me and I kept him warm.  
_'Anytime…'_

"You don't sound so good," I told him, "Maybe you oughta go back to the lab and rest…"

"Espe…Espe-…" She started coughing again.  
'_No…I'm fi-'_

"Espeon…Look, I'll come with you."

"Espee…Espeon…Speon!"  
_'I want to stay here, with you…You need someone to stay with you…'_

"…Huh?"

She just smiled and curled up in my lap. Not long after, she fell asleep. I tried sleeping too. After I woke up again, she was still sleeping, so I carried her back to the lab and put her in her Pokéball so she could rest up and get better.

            *  *  *

I had four days to train for my glorious return to Indigo, counting the day when we found out I remembered absolutely nothing about battling. I think Gary'd started out his whole training idea with nothing but my Pokémon in mind, but once I tried to battle, I threw a serious wrench in his plan. He had to rethink everything, aiming much more of the training at _me_ rather than my Pokémon. They were doing just fine on their own. I was the only one having problems.

It was strange. I could remember battling hard in the past, and, win or lose, I was always able to find it in me to enjoy that rush, the spice of conflict, the binding of will and strength to overcome every opponent…Since I'd tried thinking about it, I could remember not only the basics, but hundreds of strategies I'd used in the past, most of them made up on a whim in a desperate situation…Now I could barely concentrate on the battle itself let alone winning…all for the pain…

It was hard, but I had to keep trying. I had to learn to endure the pain, for the sake of the battle, for my Pokémon…

Gary wasn't the only one who tried to help me. Misty and Tracey did too, and my Pokémon were also very supportive. I tried for them, because they wanted me to, because they wouldn't let me quit. I'm sure I would've just stopped right from the beginning if it wasn't for them, if they didn't believe in me, if they weren't counting on me.

On the third day, my pep squad earned an additional member. My good friend Brock.

            *  *  *

It was the night of the second day when he called. I'd been training all day and wanted nothing but a little rest and relaxation. Having Gary as my training instructor/partner wasn't really helping to cool my nerves.

Mom answered the phone. We were just finishing up our dinner, so she had to go in the other room.

"Hello, this is the Ketchum residence," she said pleasantly.

"Mrs. Ketchum? This is Brock speaking."

I nearly choked on the parsley I was chewing. I was just chewing on it because I was still hungry after everything was gone and I had to sate myself somehow. I tore into and carefully swallowed the rest, grabbed just a little bit more to chew on, then went after Mom.

"Brock!" she exclaimed, "Oh how good to see you again! How are you doing? Where are you?"

"Good old Viridian. I should be in Pallet by lunchtime tomorrow."

"Oh that's wonderful! I'm sure Ash will be so happy to see you!"

"Yeah he'd better be," Brock chuckled, then more seriously, "How's he doing anyway?"

"Oh…He's…" Her eyes wandered then and I eventually saw them lock onto mine as I continued to chew on the parsley. They brightened a little. "…right here! Ash, come over here and say hi to Brock!"

_…You want me to get on the phone? The video phone…?_

I shook my head quickly. "Mom, I don't think-"

"Ash, he hasn't seen you for a whole month…Won't you at least say hi to him once on the phone before he comes to visit?"

_Come to visit…Dammit…_

I didn't move right away, just stood there leaning in the doorway with my arms crossed, head down, chewing on that parsley…

"…Turn the video off."

"…What?"

"Turn the video off."

"Wh-…Oh!…Ash…Are you sure that's ne-?"

I nodded before she could finish. "Yes…Yes it is…"

"…But…"

"Just turn it off, please…I'll turn it back on…when…I'm ready."

She wanted to argue about it more, I could tell, but something made her decide not to. She turned back to the screen. "Brock I'm going to turn the video off, and then Ash is going to talk to you."

"…Turn the video off?" he asked.

"…Yes…or else he's not going to come over here."

"…Uh…Okay, I guess…"

I watched her turn it off, then she turned back to me, ready to hand over the receiver. I swallowed the rest of the parsley, then walked over and took it from her. She hovered over me for a moment before going back to the kitchen.

I looked at Brock. I knew he couldn't see me, but he hadn't turned off the camera on his end, so I could still see him. He was in a hotel, no, a Pokémon Center room. The rest of the room was dark, but his face was well lit, so he probably had the desk lamp on. He looked a little nervous and it took me a while to figure out why. He couldn't see _me_, so he was probably wondering why it was taking so long for me to say something or if I was even there yet…When I realized that, I felt a little embarrassed, and I tried hard to think of something to say. I couldn't come up with anything so I just decided to say hi.

"…Brock…Hey…" I said. My voice was unusually soft. I decided that was probably just an addition to how cold my hands felt and the way I was gripping the receiver so tight I was sure my knuckles would be pure white if I bothered to look.

He smiled when he heard me. "Hey Ash. How are ya?"

"…I'm okay…"

"Well that's good to hear…"

"Yeah…It's good to see you again, Brock…I almost missed ya…" As soon as I said that I realized how bad it sounded. "Uh, I mean, I _did_ miss you! Um…Well, it's just that…I…I almost…um…I didn't mean that how it sounded!"

He laughed a little. "Don't worry, I believe you…I just wish I could say how glad I am to see _you_…"

I felt my hand tighten even further around the receiver. I wanted to be able to say something to him, but I couldn't…I think I was worrying him.

"…Ash? You okay man?"

"Mm…" I nodded, forgetting that he couldn't see me.

"Uh…Hey, relax…It's just me."

_That's right…It's just Brock…What's he gonna do?_

"……I, I know…"

"Then relax! You sound so nervous…"

"…I am…"

"Well don't be…There's nothing to worry about."

"…I know…"

He was quiet for a while. Thinking, I guess. Finally, he looked at me, straight at me. I wasn't sure how he did that since he couldn't see me, but I guess he just looked right at the camera. He looked very serious all of a sudden.

"Why do you have the video off?" he asked quietly.

I couldn't answer that question either. I just couldn't…

"…Ash? You still there?"

"…Yes."

"…Why do you have the video off?"

_Why do you keep asking that? Why can't I answer…?_

"…Ash, come on…Just tell me…What happened? Why don't you want me to see you?"

I bent my head down as tears threatened to come loose. I wondered why it was sometimes so much easier to just cry…

"…Brock…" I stopped there. I couldn't get any further.

It took him a while to respond. I didn't know why. I wasn't looking at him anymore.

"Ash, are you…crying?"

"No," I said quickly, annoyed, but after saying that, I sobbed a little. I tried to stop it but that didn't happen. I really was crying. "Dammit Brock…" I whispered, wiping away tears.

"Hey now…Don't cry, Ash…I'm sure it can't be such a big deal…"

_You have no idea, Brock…None at all…_

"…Hey, come on. Relax Ash. It's just me, remember?"

"…I know that…"

My hand was on the switch. Something was telling me to hit it, but I couldn't. Not yet.

"Brock?" I whispered.

"Yeah, Ash?"

"I'm going to turn the video on…"

"…Okay."

My hand curled. I still couldn't hit it.

"Brock…I…have to warn you…"

"…Hm?"

"I…I look different…Really different."

He laughed a little. "I'm sure I can handle a little change…"

_A little change…If only…_

"…Don't…Don't say I didn't warn you…"

I turned it on before I had a chance to change my mind. Even before I heard the click, I ducked my head and shut my eyes. I didn't want to see his face anymore than I wanted him to see mine.

I only heard silence after that click. Silence and breathing. Scared breathing, from both him and me. As the seconds passed, I could feel myself shaking. I was ready to just hang up and run.

"…You were right…You do look different."

"…Huh?" I finally looked at him, tears stuck in my eyes.

He smiled a little. "I told you to relax, Ash. Listen to me once in a while why don'tcha?"

"…What…You're not…You don't care?"

"Heh, well…I am glad you warned me…and…well now I wanna know what happened even more…"

"Oh…"

"Hey, don't worry about it. There'll be plenty of time for that later…"

"…Guess you're right…"

"I'm just glad you're back…You had us really worried."

I just nodded. He was probably right.

"You know, one of the main reasons I left Pallet was to go look for you. I only went as far as Pewter, but I checked everywhere around there just in case I found you…I think Misty was going to go to Cerulean this week to do the same thing. Good thing you came back when you did, right?"

"…Yeah…"

_That's not what Gary told me…Hm…_

"How's Misty anyway?"

"…Good…"

"Good?"

"Yeah."

He was quiet again. Thinking I guess.

"…Ash…"

I didn't say anything, but I looked at him to show I was listening.

"…Try to take it easy. Have a little fun. I'm sure everyone's just happy you're back. Aren't you?"

_…Happy I'm back…?_

I thought about Pichupi and Nekiro, and the little Terras and Larill and everyone back…home?

_No…This is home…This is where I'm staying…Where I've always been able to stay…I…I can learn to be happy here……again……eventually…_

"…Yes."

I don't know if he believed me. I wasn't sure I did, but that's not important.

He sighed finally. "That's good, Ash…You _should_ be happy…Just remember that, okay?"

"Alright, I will."

"You take care now, you hear me?"

"…Yeah…You too…"

"Hey um…Is Misty there?"

"Yeah."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Yeah I think so…" I called towards the kitchen, "Hey Misty? Brock wants to talk to you."

"…Coming!"

"She's coming," I told Brock.

"Okay, great. It was nice talking to you Ash."

"Same here."

Then Misty came and I let her talk to Brock while I went to my room and went to bed.

            *  *  *

I never imagined battling could ever be so difficult. It was so hard, but I had to find a way to sort of block out the pain so I could concentrate on the battle itself. The problem with that was that in order to block the pain, I had to essentially forget that there was even a battle. Of course, I couldn't really train properly with my eyes closed…

Someone suggested, I forgot who, that I should keep my eyes open and on the Pokémon at all times no matter what. I think the theory was, if I watched them with my eyes, I wouldn't have to watch them with my mind, which was more painful. I did try that for a while, but everytime I saw someone get hurt, I would shut my eyes anyway and then I could feel it strongly again.

I hadn't done very good in the last three battles. What made it worse was that we'd only _had_ three matches that day. My coaches were having a discussion at Gary's end of the field while I checked on my Pokémon. From what I remembered about training, their wounds weren't very serious and would be fine even without treatment.

_…They're so strong…_

"Okay!"

I looked over to Gary and the others. They were breaking up and returning to their regular posts, Misty next to me, Brock more or less at my end of the field, Tracey and Professor Oak on the sidelines, and Gary still out at his end.

"Ash, we want you to use Pikachu for this battle!" Gary called out to me.

"…What?" I glanced at Pikachu, who nodded at Gary in determination, then I glanced at Misty for an explanation.

"Pikachu's your strongest Pokémon, Ash," she said quietly without looking at me, "It's gonna be hard for you to lose with him."

I got the feeling that wasn't the only reason, but I shrugged it off.

_They're the ones who know what they're doing, not me…_

"Go, Pikachu."

"Pika!" he shouted and dashed out.  
_'I'm ready!'_

I watched him with a pang of anxiety. It was the first time he'd battled all week. I'd been hesitant to use him before because I didn't want to see him get hurt. I didn't want to see anyone get hurt, but I was _scared_ of what might happen if Pikachu did.

"I choose Umbreon."

Gary's shadowy Pokémon calmly glided onto the field. He was in good shape. Defined musculature was relaxed underneath a smooth, clean coat of fine black fur. He wore an unreadable expression on his face, perhaps a mixture of confidence, bemusement, and idle indifference. Everything that I'd come to know Gary for.

What was strange was how Gary in no way reflected his Pokémon's stance. He was tense, eyes narrowed in thought. Unlike Umbreon, who probably felt he could predict the winner and was content with his guess, Gary seemed worried about the outcome.

I looked back to Pikachu. He was crouched on all fours, back arched, cheeks sparking, tail raised in anticipation. Ready to attack or dodge at the drop of a hat…Everything I'd come to be known for.

I stared back at Umbreon again. The Moonlight Pokémon they call it. The Dark evolution of Eevee…

_They call Eevee the Evolution Pokémon…Five different possible evolutions. Eevee itself is supposed to be so unstable evolution-wise that it could evolve in a moment's notice, and they don't even know what they'll evolve into ahead of time…It must be horrible…Yeah…I know how that feels…_

By then, Umbreon was staring right back at me with his piercing red eyes.

_A dark Pokémon…_

"Are we gonna start this or not?" Gary questioned.

"Umm…Yeah I guess so."

Gary just gave me this incredulous look before finally yelling, "It's not 'Yeah I guess so,' it's 'Yeah, I'm gonna kick your ass!'"

"Gary!" said Professor Oak.

"You know what I mean!" he snapped.

"He means he wants you to do some ass-kicking," Misty whispered wryly.

I nodded and looked to Pikachu, who was grinning to himself. I knew Gary was going to give me the first move, he always did, so I just went for it.

"Pikachu, Thunderbolt."

"Pika!"

He ran forward with lightning speed. In the instant between Pikachu's first leap and the electric shock, I saw Umbreon's head turn sharply from me to Pikachu. He tensed and crouched, then jumped to the side at the last second, letting the Thunderbolt hit dirt. Gary barely had time to notice the exchange.

"What the- We started already?"

I just nodded. It was his turn anyway and I couldn't think of another attack to use either.

"…Umbreon, Quick Attack!"

Umbreon crouched before pouncing light a slick shadow flying across the grass in the sunlight. I cringed and braced myself, but the attack never hit. Pikachu jumped and somersaulted over Umbreon, countering with a Thundershock before either of them stopped moving. I felt that Thundershock…

"Skull Bash!" Gary shouted.

After shaking off the last of the Thundershock, Umbreon launched himself directly at Pikachu, just like he'd done to that Alakazam he was fighting when I first saw him evolved.

"Pi…Pikaa!!"

It felt like getting hit by a truck. I lost my balance and fell. Misty helped me back up.

Out on the field, Pikachu picked himself up and glared fire back at Umbreon, who was calmly awaiting his next order.

Gary was just staring at me, unmoving, as if to say, 'It's your move.'

I stared at Pikachu. He was ready…for anything it seemed like…

_No…He's ready…to _win_._

I braced myself.

_Alright Pikachu, if that's what you want to do, I'm ready…We can fight the darkness and resist the pain…_

"Thunder."

Within the second that the word came out of my mouth, Pikachu leapt, cheeks sparking, prepared to unleash the heavens on his enemy. Umbreon followed his every move with absolute precision.

"Pi…ka…"

"Faint Attack!" Gary called.

"CHUUU!!!"

Umbreon's eyes narrowed as the bolt of light drew nearer, and as I watched them both, the lightning inching closer and closer to its target, I saw Umbreon just…fade away.

"What the…?"

The Thunder attack struck the ground with a devastating blow, completely missing its target, and a black cloud hung over Pikachu.

"Pika!?" Pikachu gasped, still in the air and surprised at the disappearance of his foe.

I didn't have the time to shout a warning…The darkness struck…

…

I don't know what happened to Pikachu after that attack. All I could see was blackness, blackness everywhere…and someone was screaming…I…think it was me……

I remember searching upwards through the dark, trying to find light. I found the sun, but it didn't look like the sun. It was dimmer, and it was twinkling, just like any other star. As I stared at it longer, maybe a few seconds, it dimmed and faded, and suddenly there were two.

_Two suns…? What…?_

And then those suns split again and finally just faded away into nothingness, and I was submerged in the dark.

            *  *  *

Usually when I black out, I don't remember anything from then until I wake up. This time was different…I remember feelings engulfing me…Cold…Dark…Alone…Fear…Lost…All forming a unique pain all its own…A pain forged and tempered over centuries past and never…

Pain and…a light…a single ray of golden sunlight…It looked so small in the endless darkness, but it was there, and it was calling to me…

"Ashura…"

I reached out for it, stretched my arm miles and miles, straining to find it.

"Help me…Don't leave me here all alone…"

"I won't leave you, Ashura…I'll always be right here for you…"

            *  *  *

And then there she was, looking down at me, beautiful sunlight shining all around her…

"Ash? Are you okay?"

"Misty…"

The light was so bright, her face was hard to make out, but as my eyes came into focus I could see that it was her, my little angel. My little Misty…

I sat up and gave her the best hug I could.

"Misty, Misty, you came back to me, dear little Misty…"

Her arms softly embraced me and I was suddenly so very happy…I felt tears of joy trickle down my cheeks. All that mattered was the beautiful child in my arms…I'd missed her so…

"I thought I'd never see you again," I whispered, "After what happened…I thought you were…gone for good…but you came back, you came back…I always knew I could trust you…Don't you worry about my old Disease. I won't let it bother us, not while you're around…Everything's going to be fine…"

We just stayed like that for a while, before she finally whispered back, "Ash…what are you talking about…?"

"…Misty, you know what I'm talking about…And why did you call me Ash? That's not my name…I'm Ashura…"

"……Ash……"

"Why are you calling me that?" I asked again, pulling away enough to look at her. Something was wrong…

"…I've always called you Ash," she stated very finely.

"No…you always called me…Ashura……"

"That was just once and I was teasing you!"

"What……?"

"…Ash…Who are you talking to…?" she asked after a while.

"I'm talking to you…"

"…And who am I again?"

"Misty…My little angel…"

She blushed at that. "Okay, that's nice of you to say, but you've never called me that before…"

"Yes I have……"

She took a deep breath. "Ash…I want you to look at me, really closely, and tell me who you see…"

"…Whatever you say…"

I did what she said, concentrated on her as hard as I could. I didn't notice anything at first, but eventually, subtle differences made themselves clear to me, and the blur over my eyes faded. I found myself looking at Misty, her mother…not Misty, my little Misty…I thought this Misty was……

I pulled back in shock. "M…Misty…? You're…"

I shook my head and covered my eyes.

_Misty…I thought…I thought you came back to me…You said…you said…_

_But what is _she_ doing here? Alive…? I thought I……That she…No, that's not what…Something's…wrong…That was…another…time……_

_Misty…_

"…Ash…?"

"…I'm sorry…" I whispered.

"Sorry…?" she asked as she drew me closer to her, "For what…?"

I shook my head. "…I…I can't say…"

She didn't press any further as I cried softly into her shoulder. I was glad. How can you tell someone something so…horrible…?

_This Misty is still alive…I should be happy for that…but I still miss…her…_

            *  *  *

Tracey thought that the reason I blacked out back then was something to do with elemental weakness. Since Faint Attack is Dark and Mew is Psychic…I just let him believe what he liked, but I knew better, and so my dreams…The nightmares came again. Not Seeings. I know those well enough to tell the difference, but nightmares came again, a horrible guilt filled by pain and darkness. It scared me, knowing that darkness was still there, still strong, and I sat awake on the third night, listening to my pounding heartbeat and hard breathing. I was illuminated in the night by that stone wrapped around my neck. The light grew and faded in the exact rhythm as my heart. I covered the light with my hand and closed my eyes, letting the cool touch calm me. Once the fear died down, I opened my eyes again. The room was impenetrably dark with my Everstone all covered up. I gradually removed my hand and the white light shone back out, still fading in and out as before, but stiller, not as panicked. I watched the light for a while, tranquilized by its evenness, predictability. It just faded in and out, over and over again, never changing. Perfectly synchronized, and natural.

The room started to fade away as sleep tried to take me again. My eyes clased and I found myself enveloped in complete darkness.

My eyes snapped open once again greeted by the glowing light of my Everstone. It was still shining, a beacon in the night, but it couldn't stop the night itself. It was everywhere, casting the house in shadow and slumber. I gazed around the room, and the light followed my movements. Beside me was Pikachu, curled and tangled around a lump of blanket. Misty was in the bed below me. Even though I couldn't see her, I knew she was there.

I crawled to the ladder, careful not to wake Pikachu, and on my way down, very careful not to fall. I made it safely to the floor and landed softly. I tiptoed the two or three steps to her side and knelt next to her on the mattress. A fleeting thought asked me what I was doing, but I ignored it.

I leaned over her, taking in her blissful features visible only by my light. She looked so peaceful while she was sleeping. As if the shadows of the night could chase all her troubles away. She looked so beautiful, sleeping so quietly like that. I touched her hair, very gently so as not to disturb her. She has beautiful hair, fiery just like her. She can be like all different types of fires too. Anywhere from the calm light of a candle to a bright burning bonfire or a roasting flamethrower. I love her through all those different types, even when the flamethrower's directed at me, because I know she feels the same about me.

I took my hand away and just watched her for a few seconds more. She moved a little, shifting from some change she couldn't determine, my hand moving away. I saw her frown as she moved, another change from her earlier peace. I swallowed and gently shook her shoulder a little.

"Misty. Misty, wake up," I whispered, barely loud enough for even me to hear.

She groaned and rolled over, her eyes gradually opened. I looked into her face and smile to assure her that everything was okay and also save me from a bruise.

It didn't work quite the way I planned. As soon as her eyes were fully open, maybe even before, she sat straight up, her mouth opened wide and a scream started to come out. It was all I could do to clap a hand over her mouth before she woke up everyone in Pallet.

"Misty, shhh!" I hissed, "Don't _scream_, it's just me!"

She stared at me, eyes wide with fear, eventually changing into recognition. I saw and felt her relax considerably and I let her go.

She was still breathing hard. I guess I really scared her. Her eyes stayed fixated on my face, eventually wandering down to my Everstone.

"You…" she sighed, partly out of annoyance, partly out of relief, "I thought you were a ghost." She laughed to herself for a bit before looking back at me with tired eyes. "What is it Ash? And what time is it…?"

"I don't know…the time," I answered, "but…I…wanna talk to you."

I thought I saw a flicker of hope, but it was quickly replaced by exhaustion.

"Right now…? It can't wait?"

I shook my head slowly. She hesitated, but nodded. "Alright. Let's talk."

I smiled a little at that I think, because Misty smiled back. She stopped smiling once we started talking though…

"…I had a bad dream," I whispered. I looked down while I was saying it, but I looked at her after and I saw her smile fade in an instant. She remembered my bad dreams, and what they meant.

"Ash…I…?" She just wanted to say something, to help me.

I shook my head to stop her. "It wasn't a Seeing. Just a dream…but…" She tensed up again at that word. Even while she was fighting sleep, she was still struggling to catch and keep my every word. "…You remember the Seeings right? What they…did…"

She nodded quietly.

I breathed heavily and sighed a little before continuing.

"Misty, I can't just…pretend that never happened. So long as there's darkness, there's danger…I'm…a threat, as long as I can still evolve…I…I think I'm okay right now, but…if I ever…really…completely evolve…I don't know _what_ could happen…It could be something terrible. Something really terrible, and I don't ever want that to happen…"

I was shivering, just a little. I hugged myself a little to warm myself up.

"Ash, what are you talking about…?" Misty whispered.

I shook my head again. "Misty…Can…Can you do me a fovor? A really…really big one?"

She was quiet for a while. Finally she whispered, "What favor?"

I nodded, halfway to myself. My eyes were closed.

"Misty, if I ever…If…say…this Everstone…If it ever got lost…or maybe even if it didn't. It doesn't matter. If…If I ever…ever…start to…evolve…again…at all…I want you…You, or maybe someone else if they have to. Spread the word. But…in case I start to evolve again, I want you to promise me this, and you have to promise. Promise…promise that you won't let me evolve. I don't care how you do that, just don't let me evolve. At all. Even if you have to kill me. Just don't let me evolve. If the light stops and I'm a Mew, then you're already too late…Okay?"

She was silent for the longest time. I was almost afraid she fell asleep. She didn't thought…

"…I'm not going to kill you…" she whispered with the utmost seriousness.

I shook my head. "You don't have to. Not yet anyway. I…I really hope it doesn't come to that either, but if it does, I want to be able to know that you'll come through for me…So will you? Please?"

"………Ash, what's so horrible about evolving that you'd rather…die…?"

That question…was easier to answer that I thought it'd be.

"Having everything I've seen come true…" My eyes were open, but I wasn't seeing through them. "Having to share this pain with the world…I don't want that…and neither do you, Misty…Believe me…"

She was quiet again, thinking that over.

"…I'm still not going to kill you…"

I shook my head once more. "I hope you don't have to, but…the future's…uncertain…"

"You seem to know a lot about it," she muttered.

"I know about a possible one. One that I never want to see again…If I need your help with that, I want to know that I have it…so…will you help me?"

I was upsetting her a lot. I could see a tear in her eye when she shook her head, like she was trying to chase my words away. That tiredness was setting in again. She didn't want this.

"Ash, I…I won't let it come to that. I'm not going to kill you…" She sighed wearily. "Ash, please, let's talk about this when we're wide awake, then we can make better decisions. Just go back to bed and try to think happy thoughts…"

_She didn't promise…_

"But Misty-"

"Just go to sleep…It's late. We should all be in bed right now, not sitting here talking about…killing you."

"That's not all we're-"

"Go to sleep. Please…"

"Promise me first."

She stopped again. I could see pain in her eyes and for a moment I regretted asking her, but I reminded myself how she was one of the few I could really trust and how much more pain she'd feel if we didn't.

"I won't let it come to that," she whispered and kissed me softly, "Now go to sleep."

I stayed staring at her for a moment before backing off of the bed and back to the ladder, taking the light with me and leaving her in the dark. I was halfway up before she spoke again.

"…How can you be so calm…?"

I stopped and glanced back at her again. "Huh?"

"You're never this calm…any other time…Why is it different now, while we're talking about…this…?"

I paused to consider that, but shrugged it off and continued up the ladder. I crawled back under my blankets, covering myself and my Everstone, and replacing the light with warmth.

Below me, I heard her do the same, but there was something else from her…a sound I knew all too well…

I laid there, listening to her cry softly until the darkness swept over and I found myself lost in the night.

            *  *  *

On the fourth day, Mom, Brock, and Mimey went into town to buy stuff. Mom told me to stay home until she got back. She mentioned something about hair dye since I seemed to be so worried about that…She she asked what color I wanted, I said black, of course. I missed my hair being black. I got disoriented when my bangs got in my eyes and they were the wrong color.

Misty, Pikachu, Togetic, and I waved them off. Neither of us had mentioned anything about our chat last night, and I didn't think we ever would. She never promised either…

It was strange, but I could answer her last question then, because in the light, while I was thinking about it, I realized the answer.

It was so peaceful last night, in the dark, with my Everstone as our only light source…I could feel the same in the dark. There was nothing out there I had to see, only what the light showed me, and if I didn't want to see anymore, I could just cover it up. In the day, everything is visible, whether we like it or not. We're not just shapes in the dark…We're real. And I'm…what I am…Not what I should be…

After they were gone, Misty suggested we watch some tv, the tournament to be exact. She said there were some really tough contenders this year, and there was a good chance that _someone_ might make it through the Elite Four.

We watched that for a while. Misty kept telling me to pay attention to strategies and techniques so I'd be ready when I finally battled. She just kind of sat next to me and kept me company. That was nice of her, but the show wasn't very fun to watch. I couldn't directly feel anything from the battle, they were too far away, but I could imagine well enough…

I excused myself a little before the match was halfway through and went upstairs. I think I said I was going to use the bathroom or something. It doesn't matter. I didn't go there anyway. I went to my room, closed the door behind me…and suddenly…I was alone. It was the first time I'd really been alone since I'd come home. Misty, Pikachu, and Togetic were just downstairs, but me, I was alone up in my room.

Not a lot had changed. I don't think either Mom or me had the heart to change anything. It'd been my room, looking just like it did, for as long as I could remember.

I went to stand in the middle of the room and turned around slowly, just looking at it all. I stopped facing the mirror.

_I almost forgot. There is one thing that's changed…_

I walked steadily towards my reflection, a feeling of bitter disgust growing in me. I got as close as I could, stared at the mirror as it glared back at me. Eyes, some strange mix of blue and brown, with a messy gray effect. Gray hair everywhere. Tail somewhere behind me. Hands, paws, whatever…All just one big _mess…!_

My arm shot out before I even realized it. I just wanted to destroy that face in front of me. I didn't want to look at it anymore.

When my fist hit the glass, it let out a sharp scream, as glass does when it cracks like that. My hand…My hand was crying, numb. Its tears…Its tears were red…There were spots of red tears on my knuckles, a splatter of tears on the mirror, which was cracked all around that red, like rays around the bleeding sun…

_Blood…? That's right…That's my blood…It's…red…Just like it's always been…_

Some small voice in the back of my head chided me for that.

_Of course it's _red_. What were you expecting? Blue?_

I shook my head. I wasn't really sure what I was expecting, but somehow it just surprised me to be seeing that red blood on my hand, my red blood, unchanged, when it seemed like nothing else would ever be the same…

A voice called up the stairs, temporarily shocking me back into reality.

"Ash!? What was that!?"

I panicked for only a second before I came up with a reply.

"Uh…I just dropped something, that's all! I'm picking it up right now!"

She'd have trouble doubting that…She knows me well enough to know just how likely what was.

"…Oh…Well, okay. Be careful!"

"Don't worry, I will."

With that taken care of, I looked back at my red-flecked hand. It wasn't bleeding a lot, and…it didn't really hurt, not unless I thought about it. I mean, I could see my hand with that blood on it, and I knew it should hurt, did hurt, but…it just didn't.

I opened my fist. That was a little hard to do, and it did hurt, but I did it anyay. I spread my hand out to look at it. The blood didn't really move, just all the changes my hand was making squeezed just a little bit more out of it. It wasn't the blood that bothered me thought. It was my hand…paw…thing…

_Melded together like that…So…So ugly…My hands were never like that before…I can't even wear gloves anymore because of these paws. Can't do anything with them…Not human…Not Pokémon…Just an ugly mess…!_

I clenched my fist, causing more tears to seep out. I couldn't stand looking at it anymore.

_So ugly…Not even anything…I…I don't care what else…I…I don't have to be like this…I can change this…Maybe not what I _am_, but looks can change. If I don't have to look like a freak, then I'm damn well not _going_ to!_

I looked at my shattered, stained reflection in the mirror.

_Blood is the answer. A little pain…won't hurt…Pain? I live in it._

I scrummaged through my desk until I found what I was looking for. Nothing fancy. Just a simple pair of scissors. It was all I needed.

I sat down in the far corner of my room with my scissors. I stared at them for a while first. They were so shiny. I could see my reflection in them. And they made this crisp slicing noise when I closed the blades together. I ran a finger of my right hand, two fingers really since I couldn't separate them, along the one of the blades. They were sharp too, but not enough to draw blood, not with such light pressure. I'd make sure to give them enough pressure.

I looked at the scissors and my hands, and planned this out. I didn't want to mess up. My right hand was stronger than my left, so I'd start with that one so I wouldn't be disabled after the first hand. Besides, that one was already bleeding.

I held the scissors with my left hand and spread my right out. I turned them so they were facing each other and set the blades around the new skin and flesh holding my first and middle finger together. I drew a shuttered breath as the cold metal touched. I stilled myself before I began cutting. I didn't want to mess up.

I squeezed the blades together, and where they met, they cut through, freeing my fingers. I swallows a cry of pain, instead releasing my anxiety through tears. Tears and blood.

I finished the first cut. Both the scissors and my hand were stained with red tears. I swallowed again and started on my middle and ring finger. This time, it would take two cuts to separate them, because where was a lot more between them. Too much. Separating them…forcing the others together…

I made the first of those cuts right along the bones of my middle finger, then when I got to my knuckles, I went back and did the same with my ring finger. It was just like how we'd cut triangles in kindergarten. It didn't look like a triangle though, just a red…mess…

Cutting got easier after that. The pain stopped hurting, and the blood stopped looking so red. There was blood everywhere. It didn't bother me. In a way, it was nice.

_Misty keeps saying it's the inside that counts right? Well, here's my inside. My inside's coming out right where anyone can see it. My inside's all red and bloody…_

The cutting itself quickly became almost mechanical in nature. I stopped thinking about what I was actually doing, and just took on the viewpoint of a casual observer, just watching the blades move and the blood flow. In a way, it was fascinating…

When it was over, I just let the scissors fall to the ground and stared at my hands…_Hands_…One hundred percent human…I stared at my hands and their tears of joy, crying everywhere. I watched the patterns the blood made as it wove through my fingers, down my and and past my wrist to simply slide down my arm, peacefully taking its time, thinning out the farther it travelled…It was entrancing…I felt like I could just sit there like that forever…I probably would've too…if not for…

I never heard her footsteps. I don't even remember if I noticed when she opened the door. All I could do was just watch my shining red tears…

She said something, something loud, when she first saw me. I wasn't really paying attention. I didn't _really_ notice her until until she grabbed my arms away from me and pulled them to her so she could look at them.

She started talking so rapidly. Her voice was high and hard to hear. I think she said, "What did you do, what did you do?? How could you, why did you? _Ash…!_"

I didn't say anything, couldn't think of anything to say, didn't care enough anyway.

Then she started talking to herself. "We have to get this cleaned up…This is horrible…"

She stood up, and because she was holding my arms, I had to stand up too.

_Clean up? She's gonna…wash away the happiness…?_

I would've tried to stop her, but I couldn't even gather the effort necessary to speak, let alone argue. Instead, I let her lead me to the bathroom, and watched passively as she washed away my tears, cleaning the cuts with soap and water. The soap stung a little, but I didn't mind.

"Why did you do this…?" she kept whispering.

When she thought it was clean enough, she opened the medicine cabinet and took out a roll of bandages. She took one of my hands, setting the other one in the sink, and pulled a strip over my knuckles and around my thumb and the rest of my hnd. She brought it around like that again, and by the time she'd started the third round, I realized what she was going to do.

"No," I said softly.

She stopped and looked at me. That was the first word I'd said since she found me. "No…? No what?" she asked gently.

"…You're doing it wrong…Don't…Don't wrap them up like that…All…All the fingers…should be separate…They're separate…All separate…"

She blinked strangely at me, then looked back at my hand and held it close to her face so she could see better. "Separate…? What do you…? Oh!! They're…You…cut…them…for that!? Ash…!"

"They're human now…" I told her. I was proud of that.

"…Human…" She was crying. Her tears didn't flow as well. They got stuck in her eyes and weren't red. They were clear, like water. She wiped her eyes and continued bandaging me, being careful to keep each finger separate. "You didn't have to do that…" she whispered, looking only at my hands, "You didn't have to hurt yourself like that…I don't care what you look like Ash. I can't say that enough, can I…? Ash…even if…even if this did matter…what your hands are like…You didn't have to cut them yourself…I'm sure there's…surgeons out there…who could do it better…and they wouldn't let it hurt…"

"…It didn't hurt…"

She had to stop for a second, because she'd started to cry again. Finally, she shook it off and kept going. "…Ash…" she breathed.

When she was done wrapping my fingers up, she took me downstairs and we watched some girl show for a while. She kept holding my hands the whole tme, and she still looked like she was crying.

When everyone else got back, Misty had to explain what happened to me. They were upset, and I had to listen to them talk to me for a while.

When they finally stopped, they decided they might as well dye my hair right then since they'd bought it and all. They did that. I don't know if they knew what they were doing or not, I know I didn't, and it didn't exactly turn out perfect, but it was a lot better than before. I liked it. I looked almost normal.

            *  *  *

I was a better battler that day. In fact, I felt better in general. My hands were hands. My hair color wasn't going to confuse me anymore. Everything was going good. I didn't even flinch once during training, and I even won battles. It wasn't so much that I couldn't feel anything anymore, I just didn't care anymore. I could get used to pain. I could live in it. I just wouldn't let it bother me anymore. I just wouldn't let anything bother me anymore. That would make everything so much easier…

At lunch, we all went back to the lab, but we ate outside, kind of like a picnic, like we'd been doing everyday. It was nice. It was a really nice day too. Everything was nice.

"Hey Misty," Gary said. He'd finished his lunch early. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure Gary…What is it?" she replied.

"C'mere…" he said. He stood up and walked a good distance away, out of earshot. Misty followed him.

I know I wasn't supposed to be able to hear what they were saying, but I could. My hearing had already been really good, but now it was just ridiculous.

"What Gary?"

"Not so loud…" He glanced over at us, probably mostly at me. I made an effort to watch the two of them as discreetly as I could.

"Why?"

He turned back to her. "I want to ask about Ash."

"…What about him?"

"Misty…If _I_ can tell, it must be obvious to you, but…have you noticed anything…different…about him?"

"His hair's black?" Misty giggled.

"Hey, I'm trying to be serious here!"

She sighed. "Alright…What did you notice?"

"…He just seems different, that's all…I mean, aside from actually fighting good…and whatever happened to his hands…There's something else, you know?"

Misty got quiet there. I guess that meant yes.

"Look, I'm glad he figured out how to battle again, but it feels like there's something missing…Don't tell him I said this, but I'm worried…I've _never_ seen him like this before, and I've known him longer than anyone else here."

"…I know…I know what you mean, but…"

They both looked over at me. By then I'd forgotten all about being discreet, because they both shut up and kind of stared back at me. A little embarrassed, I waved at them. They hesitantly waved back. After a moment's consideration, I got up to join them. I was done eating. On my way there, I heard Gary whisper rapidly to Misty.

"Whatever happens, don't step in."

She didn't get a chance to question him, because by then I was close enough to hear, from what they could tell.

"Hi," I said.

"Aren't you supposed to be eating?" Gary asked.

"I'm done."

"We were just talking about-" Misty began.

"-the league," Gary finished for her, "We were talking about how badly you're gonna do." He added that last bit with a sneer.

"Gary!" Misty exclaimed.

He gave her a look that clearly stated, 'Shut up and let me handle this,' before looking back at me with a smirk.

"It's true ya know," he said, "You don't stand a chance. The trainer you're gonna battle has been training _years_ for that moment. You've tried to cram years of battles into four days. It's just not gonna work out for you. You can barely even _watch_ the battles you're fighting. You're just now coming out of the worst slump I've seen in history, and now you think you can just march right up to Indigo and win a _championship_ title? Well, I've just got one thing to say to you, loser. You'd better practice _losing_ because that's all you're gonna do."

I absorbed all of that and thought about it for a second. A lot of it seemed pretty logical, so I nodded.

"Okay."

Gary opened his mouth like he was going to yell again, but he didn't yell. "Okay…? _Okay??_ Is that all you're gonna say?"

I thought about that too. I probably could've said more if I wanted to, but I didn't feel like it.

"Guess so."

Gary glanced at Misty really quickly. She was being really quiet now.

"You guess so, huh?" he said to me. He was trying to sound mean. "You know why you only _guess so_?" He was getting really close and sticking his finger in my face. "Because you are the lousiest-ass piece of shit _loser_ I've ever seen in my whole entire life! You know that!? Do you!?"

I didn't answer him, just waited for more, trying to figure out why he was going on about stuff he didn't even mean.

He was starting to get really angry. I could see it in his eyes, and the way he was standing. He didn't like me being so quiet. Finally, he just pushed me, pretty hard too, enough to move me back a little, like he was trying to start a fight or something.

"Do you!? _Do you_!!? Do you _really_?? Why don't you _answer_ me?!" And he did it again.

"What are you doing…?" I asked him.

"What does it look like I'm doing!?" he demanded. He grabbed me by the shoulders and glared hard into my face. I could see what he was doing.

"Why?"

"Why not!? Dammit!!" He pushed me back really hard that time. I had to back up a lot.

I watched him. He was breathing kind of hard, and it looked like he was really thinking about something. He glared back at me and removed a stray hair from his face. He walked up really close to me.

"You know what you are!?" he whisper-shouted, "You are a goddamn fucking loser FREAK!!!" He practically screamed that last part right in my face.

I waited until he was done before rubbing my ears. I could stand there taking insults all day. I knew he didn't really mean any of that, and if he did, who was I to argue? He was probably right.

"_Why are you just standing there!!?_"

I might've replied to that, but he didn't give me a chance. He punched me, right in the jaw, really hard too.

"_Gary_!" Misty screamed, "What was that for!? Ash are you okay!?"

Gary waved angrily back at her, trying to get her to shut up, then he stared at me, really focused.

I rubbed the spot where he hit me. It did kind of hurt a little. I didn't mind though.

"I'm okay," I said, for Misty.

"…Ash…" Gary said, "I just punched you. Why are you just standing there?"

_Why am I just standing here? What else am I supposed to do?_

"What do you want me to do?" I asked.

"What do I want you to do? _What do I want you to do?!_ I want you to fight back! Get _angry!_ Yell! Do _something_!!"

"…Oh."

"Oh!!?" He looked like he was going to scream. "I give up! I GIVE UP!!" He spun around and stood very straight, with his arms crossed, facing Misty. "I wish you the best of luck in finding your boyfriend again," he hissed, "You're gonna need it."

Misty didn't answer him either. She was staring at me. Gary finally sighed and faced me too.

"Sorry about that," he muttered, "You okay?"

"Yeah."

He grumbled to himself. "Well that's great. You just keep at it. Whatever you're doing, you're doing it wonderfully. Now if you'll excuse me…Come on Umbreon!" Gary started walking away. Umbreon, who'd been having dessert, bounded after him.

While I was watching them go, Misty came next to me and checked where Gary punched me.

"That's gonna bruise…" she said like she was talking to herself.

"It's no big deal," I told her.

"…You always say that…" she sighed.

"It isn't a big deal though," I insisted, then shrugged, "He didn't mean it anyway."

"…He hit you like he did…"

"It doesn't matter."

She didn't say anything for a while. She just looked like she was thinking hard about something.

"What _does_ matter?" she asked, really softly.

I wasn't sure what to say to that. It wasn't what I'd been expecting. I tried to think of an answer, but it was hard.

"…I don't know…" I answered honestly.

"…Nothing…?"

"I don't know," I repeated, "Probably…something…but I don't know…for sure…"

"……I see…"

When we went back to everyone else, they wanted to know what just happened, but Misty explained it as nothing and I agreed with her, so that was that.

            *  *  *

We left for Indigo the next day. I didn't sleep a lot that night, just lay there in the dark, watching the ceiling above fade in and out. I guess I was nervous about the next day. Couldn't figure out why though.

_It doesn't really matter, does it…?_

I rolled onto my side and put a hand on Pikachu's back. He was sleeping very deeply, letting out a tiny "cha" every once in a while.

_…It does matter…Maybe not to me, but to everyone else……That's why…_

I closed my eyes. It was far past time for sleep. I'd have plenty of time to worry tomorrow…


	31. How Much Is Left

A/N: Konnichiwa minna-san!! Gomen-nasai, it's been quite a while, but I FINALLY UPDATED!!! *dances the "I Caught A Caterpie Dance"* *^o^*; Okay folks, from now on hopefully I'll be a LOT quicker to update, but I'm sure you didn't come here to hear me ramble so I'll be quiet. On with the fic! *^.^*;;

Chapter 31  
"How Much Is Left"

_Morning…_

I stared at the ceiling. With the sunlight coming in through the window, it stayed the same color. My little Everstone wasn't bright enough to overpower the sun, even with it being filtered through the curtains.

I sat up. It was warm. I was tense about something. It took me a while to figure out what.

_Oh yeah…Indigo…_

I sat there a while longer, breathing in the thick air and listening to the peaceful sounds of sleep all around me.

I crawled out of bed and down the ladder, skipping the last two rungs and landing lightly on the floor. They were going to wake up soon anyway, so I didn't care so much if I woke them up, even though they might, but on the other hand, it would give me some more time alone if they stayed asleep.

As I crossed the room, I stopped in the middle when a movement to my left caught my eye.

_Oh, just the mirror…_

I almost shrugged it off and kept walking, but something made me stop and look again. The mirror was still cracked from yesterday, but no longer stained, showing me dozens of reflections on one surface, some running into each other, some inside of others, and others just side by side, all reflecting the same image. Me.

I studied my reflection. My hair looked pretty normal, black, and still messy from sleep. My face, still paler than normal, set with deep blue-gray eyes. If I had to tell by looking, I would't be able to determine my expression. Below that, just my regular pajamas, a t-shirt and loose pants. I'd long since outgrown those green ones. My hands…And yes, I could finally call them that again…They were still wrapped by bandages, looking just out of place. I fingered at the bandages until they were loose enough to just pull off. I looked at my hands as the wrapping fell carelessly to the floor. They were still tender from being kept covered for so long, but they were healing fast. I lightly traced along the lines where I had cut, still red but no longer bleeding. It hurt just a little to touch, but not a lot. It looked like it was going to scar…

My gaze wandered upwards and I noticed my hat sitting alone on the dresser. I picked it up and looked at it for a moment. It was beat up and threadbare from everything it had to go through from being on my head for such a long time, but it still fit perfectly, never got lost, and the color hadn't even faded noticeably.

I put it on and looked at my new reflection. There was something different about it, not the hat. Something just looked out of place with it on. The hat was still the same…If I squinted, I didn't look _too_ much different…Maybe it was the way it came right on top of my ears now instead of staying a comfortable distance above them. I decided not to worry about that, but they did look different. Not human. I took off my hat and moved my hair around until I couldn't see my ears anymore, then I put it back on. I was lucky. My hair was just long enough to do that…Then, inspiration seemed to strike and I found myself getting out my old training gloves and putting them on. The feel of cloth against my still healing wounds wasn't pleasant, but I put up with it. The only real problem with the gloves was that the red was still visible since the gloves were fingerless. I could deal with that later. Next I put on my jacket and found a pair of jeans. I grabbed an empty Pokéball and faced the mirror. Something still wasn't right…A thin, pale pink object swishing softly behind me. That would be harder to fix…I could always hide it under my shirt again, but that would get uncomfortable fast…I surrendered, just a little. Enough had changed already. One more wouldn't hurt. I shedded my jacket and replaced it with the cloak that I was still borrowing from Gary. As always, it did a nice job of hiding my tail. I stared back at my reflection until I finally felt satisfied.

"My name is Ashura Ketchum," I told the figures in the broken mirrors, holding the Pokéball out for them to see, "I am from the town of Pallet…My goal is to become the greatest Pokémon Master in the world…I will do this by traveling across the world, collecting badges and training the Pokémon that I catch to be the best and bravest they can be. When we have done that, then we will challenge the Pokémon League, defeating all other trainers, then we will face the Elite Four, and finally, the Champion…We will become Masters and then…"

I had to stop there. I couldn't see anymore for my tears, and my voice just didn't want to keep saying that anymore. I started over, this time not looking into those doubtful eyes.

"My name is Ashura Ketchum. I am the Pokémon League Champion. I've collected all the badges I need, defeated the Elite Four and dethroned the former Champion…Now it is my job to wait for another…"

I stayed quiet for a moment, waiting, my fists clenching and unclenching on their own. Finally, I placed them flat on the dresser in front of me, not seeing how they went back to their true form if I didn't consciously separate them. My tail twitched impatiently under my cloak. I sighed and looked back at my audience, which did not fail to do the same in return. I straightened up and brushed a hair away from my ear.

"My name is Ashura Ketchum. I am…I am _something_…Today I will go to Indigo and battle a new challenger…I do not know what the outcome will be, but statistics say the odds are in my favor…I do not think statistics can be counted on anymore, not with me…" I paused before looking at my audience again. "I don't think I know anything anymore. I can try to tell you who I am, but whatever I say will be a lie, even if it's the truth…" I felt tears sting my eyes and I shook my head. "I, I'm not making any sense anymore, am I? I'm sorry…I just don't know what to say…"

I swallowed and pulled together to courage to try one more time.

"My name is Ashura Ketchum. I am…half-human, half-mew, and I have become like this because…" I opened my eyes. The tears had faded and suddenly it was clear. "This…this must be my punishment…My punishment for my crime that could not be truly punished in its own time…This is my punishment, and this…" I looked from hand to hand, ears, eyes, tail. "This is the mark of my punishment…Now I will always be recognized for my crime…This pain is mine…"

Tears fell silently. As I waited for them to end, a sound from behind made me spin around and I saw Misty just waking up and rubbing her eyes.

"Ash…? What are you doing?" she mumbled.

"…Nothing."

"……You're up bright and early…Already ready to go?"

"…No, I was just…I will be…I was just…You know…" I looked back at the mirror.

_Trying to figure out who I am…? No…That's not important for her…_

"There's gonna be a lot of people watching. I want to them to see…what they want to see…They don't need to know anymore than they already do…"

"…I guess you're right."

"Okay." I set my hat back where I found it and hung my cloak on my chair. I grabbed another shirt. "I'm gonna shower now."

"Okay Ash…"

            *  *  *

I had Professor Oak transport my Pokémon to my house. His lab was too far out of the way to drop by there to pick them up. I checked that they were the right ones while Mom, Brock, and Mimey packed my things. Misty pulled me over while I was doing that.

"How are you feeling?" she asked me.

"I'm okay."

"…Are you ready for this?"

"…I think so."

After a moment, she said, "You know Ash…it's…not too late to back out…take a rain check…you know?"

"…What are you trying to say?"

"…You don't have to do this. No one's forcing you to."

I attached my Pokéballs to my belt. I was ready.

"Misty, maybe no one's forcing me to, but it is my responsibility as champion. And as for me not having to…You're wrong. I do. I have to…I have to at least try…to see how far I can go…Just to see…" I trailed off.

_…Just to see how much of me is left…_

"…What?"

"…Nothing." I went to join everyone else and she followed. "Everyone ready?" I asked. When they nodded, I replied, "Then let's go."

            *  *  *

Tracey drove us, me, Misty, Brock, and Gary, to Indigo, since he and Brock were the only ones old enough to drive, and Brock had walked to Palletand Tracey was probably the better driver anyway. Mom said she'd come by later with Professor Oak. That was okay with me. There wasn't anymore room in the car, and besides, the match wouldn't start until later anyway. She said she'd already called ahead to Lance awhile ago so they would be expecting us and there wouldn't be some huge commotion at me coming back from the dead.

Tracey parked in the back so we wouldn't be as noticeable. A lot of good that did. The media was hanging out there just _waiting_ for us. I stepped out of the car after Misty, with both my hood and my hat on. My friends walked on all sides of me while cameras flashed and questions where shouted into the air. Gary walked in front, clearing a path.

"Look, get outta the way! We've got places to be, we don't have time for you guys! No, he's not doing any interviews! Sure you might be able to get ahold of me, but not right now!"

To my left, Brock paused to take the hand of a pretty, young reporter. "You can interview me anytime, miss," he said, trying to sound suave, but really just ending up goofy.

_If these guys really…_

"No interviews!" I yelled loud enough so everyone could hear, "There will be no interviews from me or anyone else!"

"Hey Ash!!" shouted a new voice after the others had quieted down somewhat. It sounded _really_ familiar. I looked around the crowd to see a gloved hand waving at me. I followed the arm down to the face and…

"_Todd_!?"

He laughed. "None other! You won't mind if I…come with you, do you?"

"Uhh……No, sure, I mean…Yeah you can…Um, let's get outta this mess."

"I hear ya."

We made our way through and finally inside. I stopped and stared at Todd, who was grinning back at me.

"I didn't know you were with the press…"

"Media," he said, showing me his badge, "And actually, I'm not officially _with_ anyone, I just needed an excuse to come see you." He laughed again. "Imagine, we all thought you were dead…I couldn't just let this pass me by."

"…Yeah…"

"Ash Ketchum, welcome back!"

I spun around to see Lance and the rest of the Elite Four smiling back at me. I waved hesitantly back at them as Lance strode forward, obviously very happy to see me.

"It's been a while…Good to see you doing well, my friend."

"Yeah, same here."

His smile grew warmer at that, and he gave me an amused look. "I see you've picked up some new attire…"

"Uhh…Yyeah, I have…" I answered, flushing a little.

"A black cloak…" he commented, "Not exactly the type of fashion statement I'd expect from _you_…"

"Uhhh…Uh-hey! What about you? You're still wearing that cape…"

He laughed loudly at that and grinned. "Glad to have you back, Ash…"

"Uhh…"

"Come now! I imagine all of you must be eager for a place to set your things down and relax a while before you face the wolves again…No offense Todd," he added.

"N-none taken," Todd assured him, "Hey do you mind if I get a picture of all of you right now?"

"I suppose it couldn't hurt," Lance smiled. He stood next to me, and Misty took the spot on my other side. Pikachu still rode on my shoulder and everyone else arranged themselves around us, never giving me a chance to protest.

"Hey Ash, do you mind putting your hood down?…Thanks," he said as Misty complied, "Alright, this is gonna look great…"

I blinked at the camera flash, but really, I wouldn't have minded if my eyes were closed in the picture. At least no one would be able to see their color.

"Now let me get a few more, just in case…"

"Uh, Todd, I think its okay. Let's just go…"

"Uh…If you say so, Ash…"

Lance led us to our quarters. Unlike my early visits to Indigo, when I stayed in Pokémon Village on the outskirts of the stadiums, as a Pokémon Master, I had my own room under the main stadium. It had my name on it and everything. My friends shared rooms nearby. Todd already had a lodge in Pokémon Village.

After we put our stuff away, we sat with the Elite Four in the master's lounge. Everyone kind of spread out, but Lance made a point to sit with me so we could talk.

"Has anyone informed you of the order of events for the day?" he asked me.

"No, they haven't."

"I didn't think so…Well, there's been a press conference scheduled for 10:30 today. Now, before you say anything, no, I didn't have anything to do with that, and I know you don't like these things, but it can't be helped. You've been missing for a month. Everyone has questions that they want answered and you can't just ignore them and pretend like nothing ever happened. And yes, it is going to be publicized. I imagine it's going to get quite a lot of viewers too. I think you'd better get prepared for that."

_Press conference? Today!? But I didn't-_

"Now, after that you'll have time for lunch and a chance to relax again, or you can get ready for your match. It's at 5:30. I bet that's what you're looking forward to, huh?" He grinned. I proably disappointed him with my reaction.

"Uh…yeah, sure Lance…"

He gave me a light nudge on the shoulder. "You _do_ know who you're up against, right?"

"…Uhh……"

"You don't!? I thought for sure you would've at least watched the matches on tv, but…Well, I'm sure you won't be disappointed! He's a fine adversary and a most excellent trainer." He laughed. "He must be or he wouldn't have gotten past me!" He calmed down a little and looked at me. "Actually, I do believe that you two know each other…He told me he couldn't wait to see you again."

"Huh…?"

_Who could he be talking about…?_

"His name's Richie."

"What!?!" I shouted. Everyone in the room stopped talking and looked at me. I flushed and tried to wave them off. They eventually shrugged and went back to their own conversations.

Lance smiled at me. "I see you do remember him…"

"Of course I remember him! How could I forget…?"

"Ohh, that's right, he beat you the first time you two battled didn't he?"

_Actually, that's not what I was thinking about, but it works…_

"Yeah, he did…"

Lance put a hand on my shoulder reassuringly. "Well, I'm sure you won't let that happen again, will you?"

"O-of course not…"

He nodded. "Then I suggest you figure out what you're going to throw to the wolves for now. I want to hear this too you know."

"Ah, heh heh…Yeah…I-I know…"

            *  *  *

I had to be a lot more careful with the wolves, as Lance kept calling them, than I did with my friends. Naturally, the truth was out of the question. Only me and the Sanctuary-dwellers knew about that, but I still couldn't get away with the same vague answers I'd given my friends. "I don't know" just wouldn't cut it. I had to come up with a solid, believable lie.

Of course, vanishing without a trace for a month, without warning or a word to anyone isn't something very easy to just explain away like its nothing…

_There's gotta be _something_ I can say…!_

"Pika…?"  
_'You okay?'_

_Pikachu…_

"Yeah…I just don't know what I'm going to say…"

"Pikachu?"  
_'Why don't you tell them the truth?_

"I can't do that!" I exclaimed, surprised he was even thinking about that.

"Pikachu?" he questioned.  
_'Why not?'_

"Be-because…Pikachu, you know what's happened to me…!"

"Kachu?"  
_'Do you have to tell them _that_?'_

"Um…I…guess not…"

"Pikachu?"  
_'Then what's wrong?'_

I turned away from him and stared out the window. I felt him sit against me and I put my hand on him. The sky was a blue gray with clouds all over the place, but just enough to let the sun shine through on the world. I wondered what the weather was like in the Sanctuary…how Pichupi was doing…

_I can't tell anyone about the Sanctuary. A place like that…They'd make me show them…but…from what Nekiro said, I probably wouldn't even be able to find it, not with humans with me. But if I can't find it then, I may never be able to find it…and I told Pichupi that…I'd come see him again…I don't want to lie to him, but…I don't think anyone here would let me leave anyway…What am I supposed to do?_

I closed my eyes.

_Focus on the task at hand. You've got to tell those wolves something. What is it?_

I thought about what Pikachu had suggested. He made it seem so simple.

_Why does that look so obvious to him? The truth? What makes him think I can get away with that?_

_What makes you think you can get away with anything else?_

_…Okay, fine. I can tell them the truth. I just won't tell them…anything they don't need to know._

            *  *  *

_This room…So bright…so full of humans…_People_…They're all looking at me…Waiting…_

Lance was saying something to them. I wasn't listening. I was looking around…at the flags and plaques and photos and maps and words hung on the walls, at the people crowded together below me, eager, expectant, waiting…for me…I looked at Lance, talking happily and grandly, preparing them for my official entrance. And then the moment came.

"Now, I won't make you wait any longer. I'm sure you're getting restless. May Indigo Plateau and all of the Indigo League please give a very warm welcome back to our one and only…Ash Ketchum!"

_It's funny…I thought he hates the press, but he sure knows how to make a big show of things if he wants to…_

As he stepped away from the podium to make room for me, I walked steadily to take his place.

_It's strange how applause can sound like the drums of an execution…_

I swallowed and stepped up to peer out at the crowd. There were so many camera flashes, it was a wonder no one ever went blind up there…I moved the microphone down a little and promptly winced as the feedback screamed in protest.

"Um…S-sorry about that…" I apologized hastily, then cringed as I saw several people start to jump for questions. "Um, I'm sure everyone has a lot you want to ask me, and I understand, but, um, I, I'm not gonna be answering any…I'm just gonna…tell you what I can and hope you're satisfied…" I took a deep breath before continuing. "Um, as you know…I was, um…gone…for um…a while. I…um…I can't explain…why…I left…but…um…there was a really good reason why I couldn't come back right away…and um…I…"

It wasn't working. The more I talked, the more anxious their faces became. They wanted to know more, so much more than I wanted to tell them.

"I…g-got hurt…um…very badly…so I was unable to come back…I um, I'm sorry I couldn't, um, I'm sorry that I scared everyone like that…I didn't mean to…"

The wolves sensed the lull and pounced. I cringed at the sudden onslaught of questions and flashes and feedback.

"I-I'm sorry!" I repeated, "I already told you, I'm not answering any questions. I'm just…glad to be back, is all. That's it." I backed away from the podium and into the shadows, out the door, searching for air, fresh, breatheable air, not the stale toxic fumes that loomed within that room.

I don't remember the path I took from inside to out. I just knew the one thing I had to do was get outside. I didn't stop until I was off the pavement, then I fell to my knees in the grass. I gripped the cold hard blades and almost cried. Even the grass, even the grass was different…Cold, unyielding…

"Ash!"

"Pikapi!"

I wiped away possible tears before looking over my shoulder. Pikachu and Brock…I wondered where everyone else was…Probably just not lucky.

"You okay?" Brock asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah, sorry about that…I…couldn't breathe. It was too stuffy in there."

Brock raised an eyebrow. "You couldn't breathe?"

"Yeah, but I'm okay now," I reassured him.

"…If you say so…You want to go back to the room or something?"

I noddeded shortly.

"Then let's go."

            *  *  *

I was able to meet with Richie before the match. Just the two us, and Pikachu, stood in the stands. The same place where we'd said goodbye during our first visit to Indigo.

Richie looked me up and down with the tiniest smile on his face. He himself hadn't changed much. He was older yes, and definitely a stronger trainer, but he was still Richie, the Richie I knew from the past, not the…other…

"Hey Ash."

"…Hey."

"…Glad you're back…and alive," he grinned and chuckled a little.

"Yeah."

He offered his hand to shake, and I started to accept, but once my hand was out my cloak, I drew it back in. It was still bandaged and not fit for shaking with.

"Sorry," I told him, "I…had an accident…"

"Oh…I'm sorry…"

"It's no big deal…"

He nodded, then shrugged, and finally leaned out over the railing to look at the empty stadium.

"Man…Are you as excited as I am?"

"Excited…?"

"Yeah…It'll be just you, me, and the Pokémon, down there, battling our hardest…and whoever wins is the reigning champ until they lose…How can anyone _not_ be excited?"

I looked over the rail too in time to avoid his eyes.

"…Yeah…"

We were quiet for a while longer before he spoke up again.

"You know…after you went missing, and with the tournament starting…there was a lot of controversy, about how the champion would be determined and all. They finally decided to just let whoever beat the Elite Four become the champion. And you know, that Gary guy didn't even compete this year? I was thinking about doing the same, you know, because you…were gone, but then I remembered our promise, and I knew I had to battle, and win."

"…Our promise?"

"Yeah. The promise we made after we both lost here our first year. Pokémon Masters no matter what. You kept your end of the deal, I have to keep mine."

_That promise…We made that so long ago…He still remembers…_

"…You haven't changed at all, you know that?"

"Huh?"

"…Everything has to change eventually…Me, you, everyone…This stadium. Kanto…The whole world…I mean, have you ever wondered…just how much will all this matter in a thousand years? Two thousand, three thousand…? Will there even be Pokémon Masters anymore…? History's supposed to last forever, but how do we know for sure that it will? Will anyone really remember us…?"

I was rewarded by silence from Richie, finally broken by a small laughter.

"Who knows…but…what's that matter to us? We're here, right now, and right now, it does matter. The future could be anything, and maybe they won't remember us, but we won't be around to care. Right now, we've got a championship title to worry about. You know what I'm saying?"

I didn't answer. Instead, I wondered…if he knew exactly what he was saying…

He turned to me and I looked at him. "Well Ash, we better go get ready for the match." He started to walk away, "I'll see you down on the field!" I nodded. He passed me and I listened to his footsteps retreat, then stop. "Hey Ash?" I looked at him over my shoulder. He grinned and gave me a thumbs up. "Let's make this a match they'll never forget!" After a second of consideration, I nodded and returned the gesture. He smiled and waved, then left.

_Richie…I know this will be…a match _I'll_ never forget…_

            *  *  *

Indigo Stadium…

I entered through the master's gate at the same time as Richie entered through the challenger's. A capacity crowd filled the stadium, cheering like there was no tomorrow. The announcers started saying stuff about me and Richie and how exciting this match was going to be. I heard him, but I didn't listen. I looked straight out in front of me. My eyes locked with Richie's across the field. He grinned.

_So you're ready? Then let's get this over with._

The referee stood at the sidelines and raised two flags, red for me and green for Richie.

"This is the battle for the title of championship between current champion, Ash Ketchum, and challenger Richie! Each trainer will use six Pokémon each! The challenger is allowed to switch, while the champion is not. There will be no time limit." After checking for a nod from both of us, he swiftly raised the flags. "Let the match begin!"

I already knew who my first Pokémon would be. I reached and selected him carefully from across my belt, then held it outside of my cloak. I couldn't entirely feel the Pokéball because of my bandages, but I knew well enough from experience. Smooth and cold. Another creation of humankind.

I tossed it out onto the field. "Go, Tauros."

My wild bull Pokémon snorted and shook his head, pawing the ground and ready for battle.

"Ash has chosen Tauros to start off this battle!" said the announcer, "Let's see which Pokémon Richie chooses to fight back!"

"Ha…Alright…I choose you! Cruise!"

He grabbed a Pokéball and lightly tossed it in the air before catching it again and throwing it out on the field, releasing his Tyranitar.

_Tyranitar…Good choice against Tauros…but…not good enough…_

"Fissure attack," I ordered softly.

Tauros bayed loudly before solidly striking the ground with his hoof, sending a ripping tear in the earth straight at Cruise.

"What-Lookout!" Richie shouted.

Cruise moved to jump out of the way, but was too late. The earth cracked underneath her and the sheer force of the attack began to crack open Cruise's own scaly armor, trying in essence to rip her in half. I think my heart stopped beating during that attack. It was just incredible…When the dust cleared, I could see Cruise lying on the ground, unconscious and bleeding from the cracks in her hide. Richie was quick to recall her.

_…Red blood…_

"Whoa! That was fast!" the announced boggled, "A one-hit KO right at the start! Looks like this is going to be one wild ride for challenger Richie!"

_…That hurt…a lot…_

"Of course, we wouldn't expect anything less from Ash Ketchum!"

_He's going to keep going anyway…isn't he?_

Richie already had a Pokéball in his hand, but the grin was gone. He was in trouble and he knew it.

"I'm counting on you," he whispered to the Pokéball, "Happy! Go!"

_Butterfree…_

"Stun Spore!"

"Freeee!"

"Dodge it."

Happy swooped low over Tauros, spreading yellow dust over the field. Tauros ran in an attempt to avoid the attack, but couldn't in time, and as the Stun Spore covered him, he found it harder and harder to move, painfully so.

_Richie made a good choice…Tauros is pretty much grounded. He can't use his best attacks against Butterfree because she can just fly out of the way, and with Stun Spore affecting him, there's just no way…except…_

"Hyper Beam."

"Psybeam!"

Happy's red, faceted eyes glowed brightly before firing a shimmering beam of color at Tauros. Tauros, in turn, countered with a brilliant golden blast of energy from his mouth. The attacks hit each other and exploded in the middle, blasting both sides. Heat and burning of pure energy…

It hit too close to Tauros. The pain was too intense. Happy wasn't faring well either. I was ready to call Tauros back when a shout from Richie made me stop in surprise.

"Happy, are you okay!?"

"F-free! Fre-ee!" she chattered back.  
_'I'm fine! Let's go!'_

I stared at her.

_No way…No way! That attack hurt…just too much…How can she say she can keep going, as if nothing were wrong…?_

"Tauros, return."

"Auuro?" he asked before being enveloped in red light and brought back to his Pokéball.  
_'What?'_

"Ash, what are you doing!?" Richie exclaimed.

"I'm recalling Tauros," I replied, reattaching his Pokéball my belt.

"But-"

"Master Ketchum, you do realize that you can't switch your Pokémon don't you?" the referee inferred.

I nodded. "I do. I'm not switching Tauros out, I'm recalling him. He's done his part."

"…But it wasn't-"

"I'm recalling him, okay? I know what I'm doing."

The referee hesitated, then nodded and raised the green flag. "Tauros has been eliminated!"

Richie looked shocked and disappointed…and then angry and confused. Maybe worried.

_Why did he do that!? Tauros could have kept going, but…Is he that sure of himself…?_

I froze, already holding my next Pokéball ready.

_Richie!? What- Did I just…?!_

I tried to shake it off.

_The battle. Stay focused, Ash._

"Go…Charizard."

"…Okay…Happy, return! I choose…Zippo!"

_Charizard…Again, good choice…but not good enough._

"Flamethrower!" Richie ordered.

"Fly."

Charizard simply seemed to float up over Zippo's Flamethrower, then he dove in for the counterattack.

"Zippo, look out!"

Zippo looked up just in time to see Charizard zoom down and grab him around the neck, then they continued upwards in a perfect U shape.

_He's gonna use Seismic Toss…_

I didn't have to say anything. I trusted Charizard enough to let him battle his own way.

"Zippo, don't let him throw you!"

As they flew upwards, Zippo suddenly spread his wings out and tried grappling with Charizard in an effort to gain the upper hand, or claw. We could only watch as Charizard continued with his attack, spinning around in the sky until they both finally plunged downwards, still fighting for power. In the end, they both crashed into the ground, still struggling against one another. I could see both claws and teeth flashing. Zippo managed to gain footing and climbed up on top of Charizard, but no sooner had he done that, than Charizard jammed both hind legs into his stomach, then grabbed hold of his claws and swiftly flung Zippo over his head and onto his back, while still holding his arms, twisting them painfully behind him. Charizard finished the loop by landing squarely on top of Zippo, hind claws digging into his belly. Charizard took a deep breath before releasing a devastating Fire Spin that engulfed both of them in raging flame and made the fight impossible to see.

I didn't need to see it to know what was going on. Every blow, slash and burn was as real to me as they were to Zippo and Charizard. I didn't even need to command Charizard. I knew, because of the time he spent in the Charicific Valley, he could battle perfectly on his own. If there was anything Charizard knew how to fight, it was another Charizard. I would only slow him down, especially now.

A quaking thud of defeat, which I felt both externally and internally, notified me of Charizard's victory. It had taken much longer than it should have. Charizard was worn out. Richie and Zippo didn't give up until the end, even when it seemed obvious that they would lose…

He sent out Sparky next. I let Charizard endure one Thunderbolt before I recalled him. He had done well enough and needed to rest. I sent out Meganium, and Richie switched back to Happy. It was an easy win for him, even though Meganium tried her hardest. Once again, they seemed to think that I gave up too soon, but I didn't want anyone to get hurt more than they had to. Richie just wasn't calling his Pokémon back soon enough. He let them faint first, or he switched to gain type advantage.

I still couldn't guess the winner yet. I'd lost more Pokémon than him, but mine were strong, maybe stronger than his. But it wasn't the score or our strength that had me confused. It was just…something about the way they battled. Something in their eyes, their stubbornness…

"Totodile has been defeated!"

…I didn't even seen that Solarbeam coming…

_…Solarbeam? Solarbeam needs to charge up first. How could I miss it?_

I recalled Totodile and stared out at the battlefield. There was something wrong with it…Something was missing…

_The edges…? Butterfree…?_

After a moment of squinting to focus, I could make out a fluttering movement somewhere in my vision.

_Butterfree…Okay…only one I have who's good against her is…_

"Pi……Pik-Pikachu…um…go…" I stammered to the two yellow blurs at my feet. They moved to the battle finally.

Richie recalled Happy and sent out Sparky again…I think. He gave him an order that I couldn't understand…I would have given Pikachu one, but I couldn't. He fought back anyway. I didn't need to see to know. I couldn't see. The stadium was nothing a blur, a moving blur, screaming past me, filling my eyes and ears with red, until I finally stopped in the middle, blurs still going by on the sides, but in front of me I could see two Pikachus, as close and real as if I was out on the battlefield with them. They were both attacking with Thunderbolt. As single arc of electricity ran between them, filling them both with pain.

_Why…? Why are they doing this…?_

I gasped as my question was answered. Richie suddenly stood behind like a giant and pointed before shouting for a Quick Attack. Sparky obeyed by cutting off the Thunderbolt and running at Pikachu before the sparks even faded from his cheeks.

I didn't have time to dodge. The moment before he hit, I saw something, in his eyes, in his tiny grin…

The word came to me with the pain. Determination. The desire to win…No, not desire…_Will_. The will to win. An unstoppable will. The determination not to give up until the end. The knowledge that the goal is only a step away. This will that brings with it power…This power that can only be defeated by a stronger will…A will that…I no longer have……

I opened my eyes to see both Pikachus tired and staring each other down, resting, waiting for the other to make a move, which would bring them into the final round of this match…

As pain clouded my vision again, I merely closed my eyes and embraced the numbing darkness.

            *  *  *

"Are you okay…?"

_…Richie…?_

He was standing over me, obviously worried, but there was something else there too…Fear?

After a second look around, I saw that we were in my stadium room and alone with the exception of Pikachu and Sparky.

"I'll be alright…" I told him.

He nodded. "Alright…" Hesitantly, he added, "Ash…?"

"Huh?"

"…I…I ssaw…"

"…Saw…?" I asked, confused.

"I-saw-y-…I…" He stopped and swallowed for composure, then whispered. "I know why you're wearing that cloak."

_Why I'm…….!?_

"What!?" I yelped and bolted upright, then winced as my head spun from the sudden movement.

"Hey, careful, you just woke up…"

I waited for the dizziness to go away for facing him again. "You saw…?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it was kinda hard not to notice…" He gestured down the bed. I looked to see my cloak spread beneath me, and all that was supposed to be underneath my cloak in plain sight. I quickly tried to cover up my tail, but when that didn't work very well, I stood up and wrapped the cloak tightly around me. I didn't look at him.

"How many saw?" I asked quietly.

"Just me. I only saw it when I put you on the bed."

_…That's good…Better than it could be at least…But that's still one more person who knows…How long before the whole world finds out? Am I just trying to delay the inevitable…?_

"How long was I out?"

"Not a lot…We just got here a minute ago."

"So they're gonna come check on me, huh?"

"…Probably."

I closed my eyes.

_I couldn't last through that battle. I tried to block it all, but I just couldn't hold out that long. We could try again, but…no, that's too risky…They'll be on the lookout for me. It may not be just Richie next time…_

I opened my eyes and stared at the wall in front of me.

"Richie…Tell them I'm okay…" I gave myself a chance to reconsider before I went on. "Tell Lance…to schedule another press conference…Tell him its very important. And tell everyone else I don't want to be disturbed. If they get worried, tell them that Pikachu's with me. And…don't tell anyone about…what you saw…Promise."

"……Promise…" Richie said. I heard him start to back away, then stop. "What are you going to do?"

"…Find something to say."

            *  *  *

_This room…So bright…So full of humans…_People_. They're all looking at me…Waiting…_

_I hate this publicity stuff…but this time…I have to…_

I crossed to the podium and carefully smoothed out the heavily wrinkled sheet of paper that held the words I planned on speaking, ignoring the many camera flashes and eyes focused on me. When I looked at the paper, all I saw were symbols, meaningless lines scribbled on a piece of paper.

_No, this won't work…_

I took hold of it with my still bandaged hands and wadded it up, then tossed it away. I took a deep breath, then stared over the many faces awaiting my words.

"Hello," I started off, then gestured to the paper ball laying carelessly on the stage. "I had something I wanted to say…but I hate prepared speeches and this is something that has to be said from the heart."

It got amazingly quiet in that room after that. The cameras still flashed and recorded, but all mouths remained shut, except for mine.

"A lot happened while I was gone, missing. A lot that I just can't talk about. But…I learned a lot, and…I have to say that…I've…changed…" I gave a sidelong glance to my friends offstage. "And no…no one here knows what I'm talking about, and they probably never will…But that's not important." I looked back to the audience. "I know as well as anyone that battling isn't the most important part of Pokémon training, but it's the best way to test how good a trainer and their Pokémon are…It's also something that…I can't do. Not anymore. And…because of that, and…personal reasons…I……I-I'm………retiring…from-from Pokémon training." I looked down. I heard the expected gasp of astonishment and wondered why my eyes had started to sting. I spoke up again to quiet them and finish one last thing I needed to say. "I…I-I thin-think…it would be b-best to-to let…Ga-Gary…O-Oak…battle…Richie…tomorrow. He was my training partner for the last few days, and I feel that he would be the best choice against Richie…Whoever wins their battle will take the title of Champion…" I closed my eyes. I was crying. I couldn't figure out why. "…I-I'm done…Thank you……"

I stepped away and stopped, like a Stantler in headlights before my senses refound me and I fled to the sides.

"Ash-"

They were blocking my path, I couldn't get through. I tried to look at them, but all I could do was cry…


	32. Nowhere Left To Go

A/N: I know its short for the wait, but I really thought it was going to be longer and I kinda got hit by writer's block again, then I recently looked back over it and realized, I kinda have to end it where it ends so I hope you'll all forgive me…Um, oh yeah, and school starts tomorrow too so that may or may not affect posting, but we'll see. Now…I think tat's all…Enjoy. *^_^*;

Chapter 32  
"Nowhere Left To Go"

I sat on the bed in my stadium room, the room I would never visit again, and stared at the wall across from me. There wasn't anything special about it. It was white. That's about it. Just white.

There was a battle going on outside. A big one. One that I didn't care to see for myself. It was bad enough to be in the same building. There hadn't been many objections when I said I wasn't going to watch. Lance tried to encourage me to, but I just told him I wasn't feeling good and he left it at that. I guess I scared them yesterday. I guess it's not normal for a trainer to just faint without warning. 

I cried all last night. I didn't let anyone console me. They could try, but I didn't want them to. I just wanted to cry until I couldn't anymore. And it worked. I'd lost something. Something very important. But there wasn't a thing I could do about it. 

_No longer a trainer…_

For as long as I could remember, that had always been something I wanted to do. I wanted to be able to live with Pokémon and be friends with them and just be near them…

_And now look at me…_

I never wanted something like this to happen. Not even in my wildest dreams…

_So now I'm not a trainer…_

Maybe I spoke too soon. Maybe I didn't give myself enough time to think. That's what always gets me in trouble. I never stop to think about what I'm doing. I just do it. How many times has that gotten me in trouble…?

_And now look what I did…_

It's not like I had a choice. I can't battle anymore. What good is a Champion who can't even battle?

_I didn't get to be Champion for nothing. I was the best battler in the world. The best trainer. No one had a closer relationship with their Pokémon than me._

…That closeness was my downfall…

_But shouldn't that be a good thing…? Why should I be punished for being close to the Pokémon?_

I'm not being punished. I chose to quit. No one forced me to.

_But if I didn't quit, wouldn't I have lost my title in battle anyway?_

Yes…

_Then there's something wrong with that._

Maybe, but there's nothing I can do about it. I already gave up my title. I'm powerless now.

_Does the title really matter that much? Wasn't I considered great just yesterday? Why would anyone respect me less just because I quit?_

That's exactly why they would respect me less.

_Because I quit?_

…Yes…

_I gave up…_

Yes…

_But…I never give up…_

…But I do. I did. And I did before that too. Ever since the…

_…dreams…_

Yes…

_So I gave up. I'm giving up everything. There's nothing left for me. All because of those dreams. I have nowhere left to go. Nothing left to do. Nothing. Nothing at all. I spent so much of my life working towards…this…and now I'm giving it all up…What was it all for…?_

I stared at the wall. It was still white. Just white. Nothing else. I blinked. Still white. Something had happened outside. Oh…The match. Someone won……Richie…

            *  *  *

"Congratulations…"

"Thanks…" Richie said, smiling, just a little forced, as I handed him that year's championship trophy. I wasn't even bothering to force a smile, which was probably making him nervous enough to have to…We posed for a quick picture, then as the rest of the media started to trail in, I left Richie to deal with them while I went my own way. I'd never liked publicity stuff…

            *  *  *

Clouds. Trees. Kind of gray out really. It looked like it was dawn or dusk, but it was really still daylight.

For once, I was alone. Pikachu had gotten lost somewhere in the crowd, but I wasn't worried. He knew how to take care of himself. He'd find me eventually. Someone always did.

I looked at the sky again. Blue-gray clouds mixed with orange and pink and purple. Maybe the sun really was setting and I just didn't notice it…I hadn't been keeping track of how long I'd been standing out there. I'd picked a fairly out of the way spot too. The balcony of one of the empty stadium rooms. There was just something about having the empty outdoors in front of me and that empty room behind me that was comforting.

_All empty…Everything here…me…but at least everything else…has a name…We know what they are…Me? What am I? Two things, and yet, neither of them. Two people, and yet…neither of them either…and yet…here we are, here I am, one and the same…_

Orange, orange, purple, darker blue…

_The sun really is setting…It's going away…but it'll be back tomorrow. It always is. I wonder if that gets tiring…doing that over and over again for so long……but…what would happen if it stopped? Just stopped. There'd be no more sun. but then…what else would it have left to do…? It'd just be floating there…in the middle of space…all by itself…_

I sighed.

_This isn't about the sun. The sun isn't going to stop. But I did…Now what? Is all I can do just…float in space…?_

I heard a slight creaking behind me, a door opening, then soft footsteps…

"Ash…?"

_Misty…She found me…_

I didn't answer her. I didn't need to. She'd come talk to me no matter what.

As I waited for her to come to the balcony, I realized I was looking down. The ground looked so far away and yet still close. I wondered how far down it was…

She pushed open the sliding glass door to the balcony, stepped through, and closed it behind her. The boards creaked underneath her weight.

_Misty…Why does she keep coming after me? Why does she bother finding me? Why…?_

She leaned against the railing next to me, like I was, before speaking.

"Have you been here this whole time?"

I nodded.

"……No one's seen you since Richie's ceremony…We were getting worried…"

"…Sorry."

"……You feeling any better?"

I shrugged.

"…It must have been hard…"

"…Huh?" I looked at her. She was staring off into the distance.

"……Giving it up," she answered.

"…Oh…Yeah…"

_…She…knows me too well…Knew me? No…Maybe…she knows me better…than I do? No…No one knows me. I don't know me. Who am I? Former Pokémon League Champion. Former…murderer…of the world…Or maybe both. Or maybe neither._

"…So what are your plans now…?"

I shrugged.

"…You thinking?"

"…Guess so."

"About what?"

_About what? She already guessed it…What else can I say?_

"…Me…I guess…"

"…You?"

"…Yeah."

"What about you?"

_What about me? Why does she care…?_

"I dunno…" I answered uncomfortably. I wasn't used to this. "Just…I dunno…I guess…what's gonna happen to me now…I mean……I can't train anymore…I won't train anymore. It's not something I can do…but…"

_Why am I still talking…?_

"It's more than just that…I…I was wondering…about…_me_…I mean…What I am…I don't even know what I am…And no, I don't mean…I don't mean physically…I can tell…that…but…I mean…inside too…I just don't know…There's so much that…I want to know…need to know…and maybe I do know…but I just…can't…I…Am I making any sense?"

"…Maybe…" Misty answered nervously.

_That means no…_

"Oh…well…I…don't…really know either…I…I don't know how to explain…what I'm trying to say……whatever that is…"

"It's okay, Ash…As long as you're trying…then I'll try to understand."

_What does that mean?_

She was smiling at me, to encourage me to keep going. I didn't understand it.

_How can she care so much…about…_me_ and all that I am…? Can't she tell I'm not worth it…?_

I looked at her face. She was so much younger than she'd been when she'd…died…but she was still so young then too…but I was the one who was younger, in mind and body. Mews…mature slowly…Perhaps it was just my childish anger that caused her…and everyone…to have to……

_…She doesn't deserve something like me…but…who-_

"Ash?"

"…Hm?"

"Are you okay?" She really did sound concerned.

"…Yeah."

"…Thinking?"

"…Uh-huh."

"…You wanna talk about it?"

_Not especially…_

I shrugged.

"Well…I'm right here if you do…"

"…I know…"

"Alright…"

_Misty…and…Of course…Who else…?_

"Misty?"

"Huh?"

_Giving up…Giving up…I'm giving up everything, might as well give up everything…_

"What…um…Do……Do you l-like Richie?"

It suddenly felt awkward out there on the balcony, between the empty outside and the empty inside, and Misty staring at me standing next to me.

"What- Um…What do you- Um…He's a nice person, um…He's our friend……Ash, what was that supposed to mean?"

"…I just want to know if you like him."

I didn't look at her. She was probably looking kinda scary, so I didn't want to.

"Define 'like'."

_Oh boy…_

"Um……Like as in…um…maybe…um…m-more than…a friend?"

"What are you talking about!? What makes you think that me and Richie- You think I've been cheating on you!?"

"No!! No, not at all! I just-"

"Then _why_ are you asking about-!?"

"M-Misty, l-listen, um calm down, um…Listen to me…Please?"

She was really mad but she stayed quiet, glaring heatedly at me, but quiet.

"I…um…No, I don't think you've been doing anything…I-I, no, I don't, I just…I-I've been thinking, you know, and…I…um…I don't know…I just…I…I'm……you know?"

"Not exactly. Keep going," she said coldly.

I scratched my head. This was harder than I thought it would be…Then again, I hadn't exactly thought about it before I started talking…Again…I always do that…I sighed.

_I just have to explain it like it is. There's no other choice…_

"Misty…I'm different…You know that…But you…You're still the same. More than I am. But…I…I can tell…It's hard for you…to…to be with me…like this…because…of…me…and…I…I don't want to…hurt you…I don't want to hurt you…I don't-…" I put a hand over my face to calm me to stop tears, before I continued. "M-Misty…It's just…too much…I'm just a burden…You…You deserve better…I…I…"

In a way, I was glad she interrupted me, I was having trouble figuring out where to go from there…but…

"Ash…"

"Huh…?" I looked at her, eyes moist, and saw that hers were too…

She spoke softly, but definitely. "Are you trying to break up with me?"

"Wha-? I…uh…"

_Is that what I'm doing…? I…I never thought about that…_

"I……I…don't…know…" I said honestly.

"You don't know…" she echoed.

_Maybe I don't, but…but maybe…_

"…Maybe I am…" I whispered and recoiled innerly from the sudden bitter taste in my mouth.

"……What?"

I swallowed it down as best I could, but the taste was still strong. "I…I think…it might be for the best…"

"…For the best…" she uttered distantly.

I nodded. "It's just going to hurt you if we keep this up…I don't want that to happen…"

"It's going to hurt you more if we don't…"

"…I don't care what happens to me…I just don't want to hurt you…or anyone…but you're too close…It's not good for you…"

"…So…you just want to……" She was upset. I was upsetting her.

_Better to upset her once now then forever afterwards…_

I nodded. "It's for the best…"

the silence came and surrounded us…Neither of us knew what to say next. The silence didn't bother me. I could revel in that kind of serenity. I only wished that Misty…

"…Why Richie?" she asked softly, and surprised me more than she should have.

"Why Richie…?" I asked, and she nodded, "Um…I…I…don't know…He's just…"

_I can't tell her the real truth, my truth…She'd hate me, and I don't want that…but…I can tell her another truth, her truth._

I closed my eyes, to relax, then spoke. "He's happy…He's a lot ahead of him…He knows where he's going and what he's gonna do when he gets there…"

"…Ash, that sounds like you a couple months ago…"

"…But not anymore…and that's what counts isn't it?"

She didn't answer right away. I could tell she was trying not to cry. "Maybe not, but…maybe you could again…if you just let someone help you…I want to help you Ash…Just give me the chance…"

_You want to help…I know you want to help, but…there's nothing that you or anyone can do…but you just can't understand that, can you…?_

"You can't change anything…It's would be best to just…What's the word?…Move on…" I swallowed. "Richie…I, I don't know, if you don't like him, th-that's okay…It's just…I, I'd trust him…He, he's better than me anyway…He's the Champion after all……and he's _normal_…"

"…Normal…?"

"……Human…"

"…You're human…"

"…Look at me and say that."

So she looked at me. Me and my pale face, blue-gray-brown eyes, reshaped ears, scarred hands…my tail…

"…Say it if you believe it…" I whispered.

She looked hard again, one last time, before turning away as a stray tear escaped her. I watched her, in a way, fascinated, until a strange smile crept to her lips and a strange chuckle to match emerged.

"What…?"

"Ash…" she said, without looking at me, "Maybe…Maybe you are…a little different…but…" and then she turned to me, with the smile that had grown, "but there's something special about you that Richie, or anyone else, could never be…"

"…Huh?"

"You're _you_…You're Ash Ketchum…And that's what really counts."

_I'm me……She really believes that…She thought that would be the clincher…How can I tell her that she's…wrong…?_

I looked off into the distance and closed my eyes. There was a gentle, pine-scented breeze that blew through that spot. It was nice…

"…If only…" I breathed onto the wind, then opened my eyes and gazed downwards again, wondering just how high up we were…

"…What did you say…?"

I shook my head. "It's not important…" I glanced at her. I couldn't tell if she really missed what I said or not. She had her eyebrows knit closely together, trying to…read my mind I bet…

I smiled out of the corner of my mouth and leaned over the rail. The wind was stronger over there. "Hey Misty?"

"…Yeah?"

I turned over onto my back and still leaned out. I opened my eyes and stared at the empty trees pointing down to the darkening sky below, like a cloudy sea.

"What would you do if…I were to keep leaning like this…and just…just leaned out…a little too far…" I asked, closing my eyes again, and continuing to lean further as I spoke, "…and started to fall…?"

"…I wouldn't let you get that far," she answered. I could feel the tenseness in her voice.

I looked back at the trees in the sky and the sky on the ground. "Oh really?" I asked, before letting go of my hold on the rail and giving myself and extra boost backwards, and over.

"_Ash_!!"

She grabbed me before my tail even left the ground, just as I knew she would. Then she tried to pull me back up. At first I just watched her and her tears with half open eyes and listened vaguely to her incoherent mumblings, but no, I couldn't leave it at that…

"Misty…" I grabbed her suddenly, forcefully, and hugged her close to me, pulling her down so we were both teetering over the rail. She gasped and tried to pull back instinctively, before realizing that we weren't really falling…yet.

"Ash what are you doing?" she whispered.

"…Falling…"

"Ash…"

I looked briefly at her arms still wrapped around me as mine were around her. "You're gonna fall," I told her.

"I'm not gonna let _you_ fall…"

I held her tighter, pulling both of us down more until we truly were in a dangerous position.

"Misty, if you don't let go, we're both gonna fall…You have to let go…"

She was crying openly and tried futilely to pull me back over the rail. I know for a fact that she's stronger than she looks, but so am I…and I had gravity on my side…

"I'm not gonna let go…I can't let you fall…"

"I'll fall either way…but if you let go, then you'll be safe…"

"Ash…" she pleaded, "Please don't do this…Please…"

_She really is special…_

I moved one hand to her hair and kissed her softly on the forehead. "…I promise I'll be okay," I whispered gently, "…Now let go."

I could feel her fingers curl around the cloth of my cloak and shirt and she buried her face in my chest. I could feel her crying. I let her cry, until she moved her hands to grip my shoulders and looked me in the eyes, hers beautiful blue waterfalls…

"I love you…" she whispered.

_…Misty…_

"I know," I whispered back.

_…and I pity you for that…_

She waited. She wanted me to say something else. To return her words…but I couldn't…I wanted to so badly, but…no…for her own good…it was best…not to…

And then the tears started again.

"Don't fall," she told me, "If you fall, I'll never forgive you…"

_I don't want that…_

I nodded and carefully released my hold on her and slid back over the railing and then down to the floor of the balcony. I held her softly as she continued to cry into me. In that moment, I wanted her warmth to last forever, because even through the pain we were both feeling…there was love…and we tried to hold onto it for as long as we could…but in the end…We had to let go.


	33. Unchanging

A/N: Heyas! First I have to point out two things which should actually be pretty obvious but I feel like stating them anyway. One, this chapter took a looong time to post. Two, it's a looong chapter. I honestly had no idea it was going to be this long when I first started writing it, but I never bothered to cut it up in the process, and I just don't have the heart to cut it up now. So, you guys get a super long chapter to keep you happy from the long wait. It is as of now, the longest chapter of all. 30 pages. Read and review, and please enjoy! *^_^*

Chapter 33  
"Unchanging"

I didn't sleep that night, or if I did, I couldn't remember. I couldn't remember waking up either, but that doesn't mean anything.

I was eager to leave. I couldn't see any point in staying longer. I couldn't see any point in returning home either, but at the least, it was home.

The trip back was uneventful. Just another car ride. Don't remember if I fell asleep. Doubt it makes a difference.

Home was just the same as we'd left it. It always is.

I was tired, so I went to bed. Woke up for meals and that was it, then back to bed.

I probably would've done the same thing the next day too if Brock didn't stop me at my door after breakfast.

"Ash…"

It was my mistake to actually stop when he said that. I shouldn't have.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

I shrugged. As if it weren't obvious…

"You're not gonna sleep…all day again are you?"

_I wasn't always asleep…_

"Are you just gonna keep ignoring me? Ignoring _everyone_?"

I shrugged and half-nodded, then turned to close the door. He stopped me.

"Don't be like this, Ash," he told me, and I could hear a strong hint of warning in his voice. "I can understand if you're upset about Indigo and everything that's been happening, but that's no reason to shut yourself away like this…Why don't we all go down to Professor Oak's to see your Pokémon? It's not like they won't let you compete next year. All you need is some time to-"

_Compete…? He thinks I can…-?_

"…You don't understand, do you…?" I whispered, "I can't compete, I can't battle, I can't train, and there's nothing we can do about it."

"Maybe not right now, but-"

"Brock…No. This won't change. I know." I pushed the door more, but still he held it open. "Listen…just give up on me. It isn't that hard. I've already done it, Misty's already done it, there's no reason why you shouldn't."

His arm slackened momentarily in surprise, but stiffened again when he felt the weight of the door on it.

"What did you say?" he gaped, "_Misty's_…?"

I nodded.

"But that's impossible. Misty would never…"

"But she did…I told her to, so she did."

"You…You told her to…and she actually _listened_ to you?!"

Something about that statement made me angry. I shoved at the door more forcefully.

"Yes she did," I half-snarled, "Is that so hard to believe?"

He shoved back. "Yes. Yes it is, Ash," he told me sternly.

"Well it's the truth," I retorted, "and it's good advice. I'm worth nothing to you or anybody. Just forget about me."

I pulled back slightly on the door so he would relax his hold, then I shut it just as quickly. I locked it a second before he tried to open it again, and I just stood there as I listened to him start to pound on the door. He didn't want me in there alone. He was afraid for me. He shouldn't have been. They'd already removed all dangerous objects from my room. The knife drawer in the kitchen even had a lock on it now. I should've suffocated myself just to spite them.

I didn't though. Not sure why. Wasn't like there was any reason not to. Would've taken too long I guess. They could've stopped me.

I retreated to my bed, curled up, and went to sleep. I didn't wake up until it was almost supper time.

My room was empty and sort of dark. No one had turned on the light and the sun was starting to set. The door was open though.

_Mom must've dug up the keys so they could check on me. Figures. They have to keep tabs on me don't they? Poor little Ash, the psychotic, suicidal freak…all alone in his room…But that's dangerous isn't it? He might not be there when we see him again. Not alive at least. I could probably get them to do anything for my by threatening to kill myself,but then each time, they'd make sure I couldn't make that threat again…until they would have to lock me up in an institute for being a danger to myself. I should probably act on a threat before then._

I glanced around the room again, still dark, still empty, and a part of me became scared looking at the walls, the ceiling, even the glass window making a mockery of the outside world and the open door simply leading to more of the same. I was trapped, trapped in an elaborate box called home. The concept frightened me. I wanted out. I was scared of the walls and the locks on the doors and windows. What if I could get trapped in there forever? I didn't want that. As I lay sprawled in my bed, I wondered what force had driven me here, made me willingly come into this tiny room and lock myself in. I wondered how I had been able to sleep so easily and soundly.

I half crawled, half fell out of bed, then stood up with nervous breathing and heart sounds. As I stood there, regaining my composure, yet another part of me asked, so ridiculingly, since when had I been such a paranoid claustrophobic? I had no answer. Instead, I merely went downstairs, my head swimming, to feed my complaining stomach.

There wasn't much of a reception downstairs. Mom, Pikachu, and Mimey were the only ones home. I started to wonder if Brock and Misty had finally taken my advice and left, but I knew that couldn't be true. They're too stubborn for that.

They were all in the kitchen, Pikachu and Mimey arguing about the amount of ketchup to be used in the soup. When they saw me, Pikachu surrendered and joined Mom in coming to see me and leaving the kitchen under Mimey's control.

Mom put a hand on my shoulder and started to lead me to the couch while Pikachu rode on her other shoulder.

"Are you feeling okay, dear?" she asked, "You were sleeping for a long time…"

We sat down and I decided to answer her honestly. "I could be better…" I whispered.

She kept a hand on me, for comfort I think. "Tell me what's wrong…"

_What's wrong?…Everything…Me…Time…Life…_

I wanted to be able to tell her that, but I didn't know how to explain it.

_Everyone has such a hard time understanding. I just don't know how to tell them the truth…_

"I…I can't say…" I whispered.

"Why not?" she asked me gently.

"I don't know how…"

"…Ashura…" she breathed, her voice full of compassion while the sound of my real name made me shiver, "It's okay…I know this is hard for you, but don't forget, you're my son, and you can do anything you set your mind to. I know you can. You've just run into some tough obstacles, but I know you can overcome them, and there's hope on the other side. Just don't give up Ashura, and you'll do fine…"

I bit my lip in anticipation of my tears.

_How many times has she told me that? How many times did I prove her right…?_

"Momma…"

Whatever I might have said, and I didn't even know what it would be, was cut off when the front door opened and Misty and Brock walked in.

"We're back," Misty announced, not with her usual cheerfulness, but more subdued, and then, "Ash, you're awake!"

I nodded in response. I didn't really need for her to tell me that for me to know, but there wasn't much I could do about it.

"Are you feeling better?" Brock asked.

I glanced at Mom and her warm, but hesitant smile before nodding. "Yeah…"

"That's good…" He sniffed deeply. "I hope that smell isn't a burnt dinner!"

"Oh my!" Mom exclaimed, "I almost forgot, Ash come on, I'm sure it's done by now and you haven't even had lunch yet…!"

And so we had dinner. Completely ketchupless thanks to Mimey.

"So what did Professor Oak say?" Mom asked a good while after we were settled and finished analyzing the food.

Brock nodded in acknowledgement while he finished chewing. "Well," he started, "He's a little concerned…" At this he glanced at me and I began to have a strong feeling about what, _who_ they were talking about. Brock quickly confirmed it for me. "He'd like you to go down to the lab tomorrow if you're feeling up to it." He took another bite of rice.

"Why…?" I asked hesitantly.

"Well for one thing, you should go visit your Pokémon," Misty pointed out, pointing at me with her fork before finding another edible with it, "He also said something about tests, but I don't think they're anything to worry about…Right Brock?"

"Not at all," he replied, "Professor Oak wouldn't do anything that wouldn't be in your best interest."

_My best interest…_

I felt a little sick, and I would've stopped eating if I wasn't so hungry.

"I know that…" I said quietly.

"Then you'll come?"

I nodded slightly. If I said no, they'd just make me go anyway. Besides, what difference did it matter if I did or didn't go? It wouldn't make a difference to me.

I focused on finishing my dinner as much as I could. I thought I saw some blurring around the edges, but I could've been imagining things.

"Hey Ash," Misty commented shortly, "What are you going to do?"

I paused my eating to look at her quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"I mean now that you're not training," she said slowly, "What are you going to do next?"

_Next…?_

"…Uh…I don't…know…"

"Well you can't just do nothing," she pointed out.

"Why not?"

"What do you mean why not? It should be pretty obvious!"

"What can you possibly expect me to do, Misty? Did you forget that I'm a _freak_ or did the tail not tip you off?"

I missed whatever she said next. The yelling made me dizzy…

"Did you hear me!?"

"No…" I whispered, subconsciously putting a hand to my head.

"I said you need to face up," she continued harshly, "You can't spend the rest of your life pretending you don't exist."

"Please stop yelling…"

"I'm not yelling," she shouted. I covered my ears and closed my eyes.

"Misty," Brock said gently, "Calm down. Ash, are you okay?" I nodded. "Okay…" We were quiet for a second, and then he continued. "She's right you know…You can't _hide_ forever."

"I'm not hiding," I mumbled, mostly by reflex. I knew they were right, in a way. I didn't particularly care, but I did wish they would stop talking. Their voices were grating me, forming a dull pain in an odd spot of my head.

"…Ash, open your eyes," Brock said after a while.

I didn't understand his request, but I complied. They stung a little for a second before I could focus enough to see clearly. Misty and Brock were sitting across from me, both staring at me. Misty wore a look of plain confusion while Brock seemed focused in thought.

"You're not okay," he muttered finally, then more sternly, "And you _are_ hiding. Even just now, you didn't want to look at us. You're _still_ covering your ears…" His hand tightened around his fork. "Do you really want to hide so we can't see you, or so you can't see us?"

My mind was whirling around, leaving me lost. Brock's words rang through and echoed, reverberating through my skull. I couldn't answer. I didn't know.

A choked cry escaped my throat. I felt the cold wood of the table against my forehead. I hadn't dropped it there, but I slowly realized that I had bent over double. Even when I opened my eyes, all I could see was my lap. I didn't have to look at them like that.

_Was Brock right? Maybe I don't want to see them. I just…I just wish they would leave me alone…_

As a sharp pain pierced my brain, I cringed and shut my eyes again.

_Trappedtrappedtrappedtrapped_

I couldn't run away from them. They wouldn't let me. No, they would force me to readapt, as painful as that might be.

There was something warm on my back that I hadn't noticed before. It crept around to encircle me, then pulled me to another, greater warmth.

_Mom…_

She was whispering, not to me, but to Brock and Misty, asking them to stop. They quieted, but they were still upset, I could tell.

_If I am hiding, then there's a good reason…It's so much safer that way…No one gets hurt…_

            *  *  *

"Take off your cloak," Misty hissed, then, when I didn't, "Take it _off_!" and she violently pulled back my hood. I didn't argue, but I didn't finish the job either. She just grumbled and had to let it be.

"I'm glad you came Ash," Professor Oak told me while handing me and Misty each a cup of tea. I accepted, too graciously. The professor's tea had been gradually degenerating over the years to something more akin to swamp water, but I didn't dare tell him that, and I didn't dare trust Kingler's opinion on the matter either. She thought it was first class.

I glanced at Tracey for a signal indicating if it was safe to drink or not. He replied with a slight shake of his head, but not before Misty had already taken a sip. I had to hide a grin at the flash of disgust that crossed her face.

"Thanks for the…tea…Professor," she smiled weakly.

He returned her comment with a smile. "I'm glad you like it. I made it myself."

"I can tell," she replied.

Oak turned to me. "Ash, I heard you weren't feeling well yesterday. Do you feel better today?"

I half nodded, half shrugged.

"I see," he nodded and sipped his tea. "You're not planning on doing much now that you're out of the League are you?" he asked casually.

I stiffened.

_Not this again…_

"I……No…" I admitted with a sigh.

"I didn't think so. Now…perhaps…you wouldn't mind…helping me with some research?"

_Research?_

I glanced at Tracey who was carefully adding more ingredients to his tea. "Uh…you mean like an aide?"

Professor Oak laughed nervously. "Ah, well, no, not _exactly_…"

Tracey blew on his tea, took a small sip, grimaced, then turned to me. "What he means to say is…He wants to know if you'd like to be a _part_ of his research."

_A part of his…_

I didn't say anything as the meaning of those words sunk into me.

_I should've known it would come to this…_

"I'm only asking, Ash," Professor Oak said, "The decision is entirely up to you. Though…let me say this first. From a purely scientific standpoint, this, what has happened to you, is an incredible breakthrough in all the major fields of pokéology, and is of particular interest to me, for personal reasons and other.

"Almost all of my research has been devoted to the correlation between humans and Pokémon. I, and others, have always known that a connection was there, and I have been searching for its absolute definition through my research. I've found out so much about Pokémon and their relations to us humans, but I've never seen or heard of anything quite like this."

When I glanced up at him, I saw him staring at me with an intensity I'd never seen in him before and it scared me.

"Ash, you my friend, are the link that I've been searching for. You're living proof that there's more linking the human and Pokémon world than we could plainly see before. It's…an honor for me to be witness to this…and it would be a greater honor if you would allow me to…explore this phenomenon further…"

He gave me this hopeful look, and all I could do was sigh, "You know, I woulda said yes anyway…"

He smiled. "Thank you Ash. You don't know how much this means to me."

"I'm sure I don't…" I muttered to myself.

He started with a general check-up, which was very weird, because last I heard, he was a Pokémon professor, not a doctor. Then again, last anyone else heard, I wasn't half Pokémon.

I waited, more than a little impatiently as Tracey and Professor Oak looked over their new data, leaving me sitting there in my boxers and wondering why I'd decided to say yes.

"What do you think?" Tracey asked.

At that, Professor Oak finally set the papers down. "Hmm…I think we'll need to get hold of his medical records to really compare any changes, but…" he glanced at them again, "there _are_ significant changes, I'm sure of it."

"Can I put my clothes on now?" I asked meekly.

They both glanced over at me and grinned nervously.

"Well," Tracey began, "I guess you _could_, but…"

_There just has to be a catch…_

My tail thwacked lightly against the lab table.

"The next test we want to try uses that machine you saw earlier, and we were talking about it before and we realized that it might not work if you're covered up, and if it doesn't, then we'd have to try again again."

I sighed. "Fine, let's just get this over with…"

I hopped off the table and onto the cold, tile floor, instantly lamenting the way humans always had to make everything cold and hard and…

_There I go again…_

"Come on, let's go," I said, lightly stepping in place so the floor would have as little contact with my bare feet as possible.

They nodded and led me to another room. Misty and Brock were trailing behind. They probably weren't very comfortable with this either.

I stopped before I even got close to the machine. I recognized it. Just sitting there innocently, it seemed to loom over, its gaping mouth, open wide, hollow, hungry, and yet totally passive, as if it did engulf me it would barely even notice. What would happen to me if it did?

It's not that it was big. Looking at it for the second time, I could now see that it wasn't much more than six feet all around. I didn't doubt that the Professor would have a larger one somewhere for an Onix or Gyarados, but this one definitely wasn't meant for something of that size.

"You can get in now Ash," Tracey told me as he started to help set it up.

"…Oh…Yeah…"

I glanced at it again. It looked huge again.

_If it collapsed, I'd be crushed in there…Or what if something went wrong and it blew up or something? Or what if everything worked the way it was supposed to, but it still hurt?_

"…Hey, did you hear me…?" Tracey asked again. He sounded a little concerned, but probably for the research.

"Um…Yeah, I……I…I'm going…" I replied finally. I stepped cautiously towards the machine. I jumped when it whirred to life and I was just a few feet away. That got a few chuckles from behind me, and, to save myself from further embarrassment, I decisively vaulted in and sat down in the middle, and instantly regretted it.

My only comfort was that I wasn't completely closed in. The wall in front of me…didn't exist. However, since I was now facing that way, I could see everyone standing out there. Professor Oak and Tracey were busy with the computers. Misty and Brock were throwing occasional glances to them, but for the most part, they were staring at me. Staring at me as if I couldn't see that they were staring.

I stopped looking at them. The floor of the cage was more interesting anyway……It was black, an almost sticky black, and there were crisscrossing red lines…It was a little different from the sides and top.

"Okay, Ash, we're ready!" Tracey announced, and I jerked my head up to look at him expectantly while he explained everything. "When we activate the machine, the lasers along the walls are going to turn on, so you have to keep your eyes closed, okay? And it's very important that you stay relaxed. Just pretend you're asleep or something…" He glanced at Professor Oak who stepped up to speak to me directly.

"We usually put our test subjects to sleep before we use this machine one them, but I didn't want to do that with you because your…state makes it difficult to determine how that might affect you. But like Tracey said, it's very important that you just stay calm and relax. There's nothing that's going to hurt you, just keep your eyes closed. Do you understand?"

"Um…Yeah."

He looked hard at me for a moment longer before nodding. "Let's begin."

"Right." Tracey started punching in a few keys. I watched him for a second then glanced one last time at Misty and Brock before I had to shut my eyes.

I could feel the lasers as they hit my body. They were warm, but they didn't burn. I could feel them moving across me and those that passed were always replaced by new ones.

My fists curled and I gritted my teeth as my tail twitched anxiously. I knew all I could do was sit through it and wait. I just hoped I could do that. The lasers were still moving over me and I already wanted to run out and call it quits, even though I knew I'd probably only waited a few seconds yet.

"Ash, you have to relax," Tracey said. I heard him, and I knew he was probably right, but the thought of trying to relax enough just made me more anxious.

"I-I'm trying," I whispered.

"…I know you are, but…"

It wasn't working. The harder I concentrated on relaxing, the harder it became. There was just no way…

"Ash, don't worry about it," Professor Oak interjected suddenly, "It's okay, just…stop worrying."

I swallowed and nodded, seeing the wisdom in his suggestion. As I tried to follow through, a hand shakily rose to my neck, finally grasping my Everstone. The familiar soothing coolness swept through my arm and the rest of my body. My breathing slowed and my body untensed into a state of utter calm. All that mattered was the coolness.

I heard Tracey stammer in surprise, "Wh-what, what just happened?"

There was some quiet commotion for a few seconds, then Professor Oak finally asked, "Ash, what did you do?"

My mouth started to open, but as it did, I realized I never really intended to answer him. Why would I when I had such a peaceful calm? To speak to him would only disrupt it.

"Ash…?"

_I have to say something…_

"Ah-…I…" I wanted to open my eyes, to be able to look at his face, to read his expression, but I knew that I couldn't, so I rushed to finish quickly. "I…I'm…okay…It's just…I-I'm calm now," I finished in a whisper.

"……_How_? What did you _do_…?"

_What did I _do_…?_

"I don't know…I…"

_It's the Everstone…_

I knew it was the Everstone. I'd always _known_ it, I just never really thought about it before, not this way.

_The Everstone, it…_

"It's the Everstone…"

_…there's nothing else like it, so cool and comforting…_

"It……It soothes me," I decided.

"Soothes…?" I heard Tracey echo.

"The Everstone……" Professor Oak mumbled to himself, "Very well. Let's continue, Tracey."

"Uh, right."

I let the sound of their voices fade away until I knew nothing but the coolness of my Everstone. It was all I needed. All I could want. A calm…

I don't know how much time passed like that. For me, it felt ike an eternity that ended all too soon…with a voice calling to me.

"Ash…Ash? Ash!"

I jerked out of my stupor and was nearly blinded by a bright red light as I forgot to keep my eyes closed.

"Y-yes Professor?" I stammered.

He sighed tolerably. "Would you mind taking your hand off the Everstone?"

"Uh…"

_Yes, I would…I like my hand right where it is, thank you._

"Okay…"  I said, and warily released the frozen jewel from my grip. Immediately, the heat of the air and the machine overwhelmed me and I gasped for breath.

"Ash are you okay?" Tracey asked in alarm.

"Y-yes…I'm fine, just…I'm fine," I assured him.

After a few seconds had gone by, I guess they decided to believe me.

"Ash, can you do something for me?" Professor Oak asked.

I didn't know what else I could possibly do for him while I was sitting there, but he put me there so he must have had _some_ idea…

"Do what?" I asked.

He took a deep breath. "I'm thinking of a number."

"…Uh-huh…?"

I was a little unnerved by that very odd statement…

"Tell me what it is," he said, "Read my mind, Ash. Tell me what number it is!"

"_What!?_"

_Is he _insane_!? There's no way I can- I can't do that! _No way!

"Well…?"

_He's serious?!_

"Wh-No! I, I _can't!_ I'm not psychic!"

_I'm not…_

There was a pounding in my head, a swirling in front of my tightly squeezed eyes. The air was thicker, the lights hotter…

"He's getting upset, Professor," Tracey said quietly.

"…I know," Oak sighed regrettably. "I'm sorry Ash."

I put a desperate hand over my Everstone. A wild whiteness passed over my eyes and I found myself fighting nausea.

"I wanna come out now," I whispered, my throat tight and my voice inaudible.

Tracey and Professor Oak began to murmur between themselves, oblivious to my plea. I held tighter to my Everstone, willing its coolness to flood me again, to bring me peace, and it did give me its chill, but it couldn't settle my nerves. I shivered in the cold and the warm, fitfully aware of my vulnerability, the trap I was in, how I couldn't dare open my eyes to check my safety.

"Maybe you should finish this up later," a female voice suggested.

The ice broke through, instantly calming me.

_…Misty…?_

The murmuring stopped. I could feel their eyes on me, but I couldn't let that bother me.

"What do you think, Ash?" the professor asked me.

_Yes…Let's stop……_

"Do you want to stop for now?"

I wanted to stop. I knew I wanted to stop…but…I just couldn't say. Some part of me just wasn't sure, and another part just didn't care.

"…Ash…?"

I opened my eyes and stared blankly, ignoring the red pains hitting my eyes periodically.

"What are you doing!?" Professor Oak cried in alarm.

I felt like I had stopped breathing. I couldn't tell for sure. The burning nausea in my chest rose over and mixed with the still calm of the Everstone, creating a sickening whirlpool of conflict. My hand slipped from my neck and fell limply to my side. Another blinding red flash passed over my eyes. A white blackness began to fill my head like poisonous liquid, starting from the base of my jaw and rising up, blocking my sight as it filled my eyes, finally reaching my brain and suffocating it.

            *  *  *

I awoke to warmth. Someone had wrapped me in my cloak and set me on one of the several couches scattered thoughout the lab. I shivered as I started to get up. Instead, I pulled the cloak tighter around me and decided to wait a little longer. I turned my head drowsily to look around the room. It seemed paler than normal for some reason, but I shook it off. I found my clothes draped over the armrest by my head.

_How considerate…_

I sighed and made myself get up so I could put them on. I did so slowly, because I still felt a little dizzy. Pikachu must've heard me, because he came running and was obviously very happy to see me awake.

"Pikapi!"

I smiled at him. "Hey, Pikachu," I greeted softly.

"Pika!"  
_'Glad you're okay!'_

My smile faded slightly at that. "Yeah…"

_But I'm not really, am I? I never really was to begin with I think…_

Another voice interrupted my thoughts as I finished zipping up my front.

"Hey Ash…"

I blinked at her. She was just standing there, kind of leaning against the doorjamb, smiling offhandedly at me, nothing special. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that there was just something different about her, and it made me uncomfortable.

"Hi Misty," I replied lowly while I tried to button my back. It's harder than it sounds, especially with someone watching.

"How you feeling?" she asked casually.

"I'm okay," I mumbled, then grinned as the button finally slipped into place. I let my tail lash once in satisfaction. "There," I stated, then reached to pick up my cloak.

"Ash," Misty said suddenly, a cold firmness in her voice. I turned wonderingly to her, holding my cloak in one hand. "The cloak. Leave it."

"But…"

"You don't need it."

I glanced once at the cloak, then helplessly back at her. Her expression didn't change. I sighed my surrender and tossed it back on the couch. A tiny, yet triumphant smile appeared on her lips, and Pikachu quickly clambered onto my shoulder.

"Come on," she told me, "You probably want to see this."

I followed grudgingly and wondered what she could possibly show me that I would really want to see.

The next room was the same one with that big machine in it. Brock was sitting next to Togetic on a little bench off to the side while Tracey and Professor Oak sat by the computer with various papers while they discussed something.

"Guess who's back…" Misty said cheerily. I could tell she was faking it.

_At least she's trying…_

They all looked up and gave me light grins and waves and hellos.

"How are you feeling?" the professor asked.

"I'm fine," I sighed dismissively. It seemed like everyone had made this pact to check if I was okay every chance they got. It was ridiculous.

_Yeah maybe, but I'm not really okay, am I?_

He nodded in understanding, then turned slightly to the computer screen. "We were just looking over your results…"

"Yeah…?" I asked hesitantly. I knew, I _knew_ I wouldn't like them, whatever they were, and yet I found myself moving forward anyway to look over his shoulder. Misty followed after me from a short distance.

The screen was filled with lines going every direction and of every color. It was some sort of complicated graph. There were numbers scattered around the graph, and then more filling a chart below it. Just looking at it gave me a headache.

"What is this?" I asked and immediately wondered why I did.

"These are the readings from the scanner," Tracey answered.

"Oh."

Professor Oak scolled the graph to the left. In the middle of the graph was an area where all the lines went flat or at least close to it. They were all different levels, but they were still flat. Then, at the part to the left of the flat part, all the lines were moving around again.

"We can't really use the information at the beginning," Professor Oak said, "because you weren't steady enough." He scrolled right so the flat part was visible. "But here we got a lot of good data. My only fear is that it might be somewhat unnatural…That was when you…used your Everstone."

At the mention of it again, I wanted to tough it again, to feel its cold…but I stopped myself. Now wasn't the time.

"Now…" Professor Oak said a little reluctantly and scrolled all the way to the right where the lines were going crazy, "this is after you stopped using it."

_Oh man…_

I felt like a rock had settled in the pit of my stomach.

"What does it mean…?"

Oak sighed, then pointed sharply at one of the lines on the screen. "You see this blue line?"

"Yeah…?" I looked at it. I hadn't really noticed it before, but unlike the other lines, the blue one went up and stayed up while the other lines went all over the place, and then didn't come down until the end.

"This machine isn't equipped to gather the details, there are many little factors that make it up, but this line represents a basic psychic reading."

I blinked. It was all I could do really. According to that graph, I…

"Before," Oak continued, "it had no real consistency, except that it was rather low. Maybe close to a low level Slowpoke or Wobbuffet…Now, that isn't very much in the Pokémon world, but for humans, it's…quite impressive."

_Impressive…That's not what I was hoping for…_

"But…you see this here?" he asked, pointing to where it went to the top and stayed there, "For some reason, it peaked out before you passed out. It looks like it hit the top of the graph, but in all honesty, I think it simply surpassed what the scanner is capable of reading. The only type of Pokémon I can think of that would be capable of doing that would be a legendary…"

_Legendary…?_

I grabbed the back of his chair. I needed to sit down. _Needed_ to. I didn't feel like I could stand up anymore.

"Ah- Are you okay?"

I closed my eyes. "…No," I said simply. I let myself down to the floor. It was different from last time, when I couldn't understand anything and felt like I was drowning, out of control. This time, I just didn't feel good anymore. I didn't feel lost. I just waited a while until it stopped enough for me to open my eyes again.

"Okay," I said softly.

I looked up to see Tracey scratching something in a notebook.

"…Taking notes?" I asked weakly.

He stopped in surprise, nearly dropping his pencil in the process and grinned at me in embarassment. "Ahh…uh, yeah," he admitted sheepishly.

"We've been trying to figure out what went wrong," Professor Oak explained wearily, "Tracey's theory is that your psychic powers, whatever they may be, are intrinsically linked to your emotions. That's why you could feel the Pokémons' attacks, because you have a deep emotional connection to them. It would also explain why they rose so high when you got upset."

"And just now too," Tracey said carefully, "I'm guessing…that you don't like all this talk about you being psychic."

I was breathing through my mouth, not because I was tired or couldn't breathe otherwise, but I just felt like I needed to regulate it.

"You're right about that," I whispered.

"Then perhaps," Professor Oak suggested, "we should leave it be for now."

Those were the words I'd been longing to hear from the start. I looked up at the professor in relief, and he smiled back at me knowingly.

"I'm sure you didn't come here to be treated like a lab rat. Now, come on," he said and helped me up, "Your Pokémon are looking forward to seeing you again. Gary should be out there too. I don't know what he's doing out there," he added with a chuckle, "but I'm sure he'd be glad to see you too."

"Okay…" I was shaking a little, not enough to be really noticeable, but I still was and I didn't know why.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Misty said, "If you just want to go back home, that's okay too."

I saw everyone else look up and stare at her, but I didn't turn around. She was still behind me, but I didn't care.

"Why would I do that?" I asked lowly.

"…You've had a rough time already. I don't know why you wouldn't want to go back home and relax."

I set my teeth in sudden anger. She was baiting me. That's all it was. She just wanted to see what would happen if they gave me a choice. I could go see my Pokémon and enjoy myself like normal, or I could go home and do nothing except maybe sleep or get baited more, like I'd been doing. I could feel my tail swing rhythmically back and forth, making it obvious that she had hit a nerve, but it was nothing I could help.

"I'm going to see my Pokémon," I answered coldly and let Pikachu back on my shoulder, and then added the one word they weren't expecting, "_alone_."

So I left them behind. I knew my way to the back door and the ranch. Pikachu was a little upset at the way we'd kind of stormed out, but I told him not to worry about it. I decided not to pick up my cloak as I passed it. Misty was right about that at least. I didn't need it, not there at least.

It took a lot of walking to gather up all my Pokémon from their various habitats, but I did it and they were more than happy to follow me. I probably looked like an absurd pied piper by the time I was through, but none of us cared.

We stopped at the edge of the forested area where we all sat down gratefully. I sighed and just closed my eyes for a while, relaxing in the sheer pleasantness of it all. The grass here was soft, the shade of the tree was cool, and the presence of my friends was comforting. For just a small moment, the bliss reminded me of my time in the Sanctuary, when there was nothing but peace. No tests, no accusations, only good friends and good times. I sighed.

"Pikapi…?" Pikachu asked softly tapping me on the shoulder.

I awoke from my reverie with a start, and at first, I was disappointed with the realization of where I was, far from peace and sanctuary, until I saw the smiling faces of my friends all around me, and I wanted to cry, because I couldn't understand why I'd left them in the first place. But, no, I could remember. I left because I cared about them; I didn't want them to get hurt because of me. But, no, no, it would be okay. I felt happy, surrounded by my friends…but not all of them. No, I could never see my friends from the Sanctuary again, but…my human friends…why weren't they there? That's right. They believe that something's wrong with me, or at least something's different, something that can't be understood…They're right…But these friends, these Pokémon, they can't seem to realize that…or do they just not care? Or maybe…is it respect?

I looked around at them. They looked like they were expecting something from me, but they didn't mind that it was taking a long time in coming. We could just sit there all day and that by itself would be enjoyable enough.

"I'm really glad you're all here…" I whispered.

They replied with similarly subdued agreements. I smiled and leaned back against Meganium, who was lying behind me, but her head was over my shoulder. Pikachu settled in my lap.

I knew there was another reason why I had come out there. Besides just wanting to see them again, there was something else…something that needed to be said.

I opened my eyes, no longer smiling, when I remembered what it was. I looked around at my friends again. They'd taken my cue and were simply relaxing now. Overall, we were spread out in an almost-circle. There were small gaps and small clusters resting together, but, even though we were all technically separated, there was a feeling of togetherness that couldn't be denied. We weren't just a trainer and his Pokémon. We were even more than just friends. We were a team. A team that looks out for and supports each other…I realized sadly that the entire team wasn't there. Misty and Brock and Tracey and their Pokémon were a part of it too, but not nearly as close-knit as we were…An invincible, inseperable team…Together, we could…

But no…Not anymore…I…What did I _do_…?

"I'm sorry," I whispered suddenly. They all looked up at me in question.

"Cyndaquil?" Cyndaquil asked.  
_'What do you have to be sorry about?'_

I swallowed back tears. "For giving up…" They went quiet then, they knew what I was talking about now, but they wanted to hear more. "I shouldn't've done that…I should've asked you guys first at least. That championship title wasn't mine to give up. It belonged to all of us…but now it doesn't belong to any of us…Maybe I don't deserve it anymore, but that doesn't mean that it should be taken away from you too! I…I'm so sorry…" I finished with a quiet sob and hugged Pikachu closer to me.

"Pikapi…" he whispered sorrowfully.

"Bulbasaur!" Bulbasaur barked at me.  
_'Don't say that!'_

I looked tearfully at him. The last thing I had expected was getting scolded…again…

"Wh-what…?"

"Bulba, bulbasaur!" he retorted, "Bulbabulbasaur, bulba saur, saur! Bulba bulba, bulbasaur, bulba!" He whipped the ground in frustration, sending a small cloud of grass in the air. "Bulbabulbabulba _saur_ bulba bulbasaur!"  
_'Don't say you're sorry! Don't apologize for doing the right thing! It wouldn't be fair if we got to keep the title but you didn't!…I wouldn't even _want_ to keep that title if you didn't have it too!'_

"Pikachu!"  
_'Me too!'_

There was a chorus of agreement, and despite myself, I could feel my tears growing stronger.

"You guys…are too much…Th-thank you…" My voice was choked and shaky, but for once it was out of happiness.

Meganium rubbed her head against mine and smiled knowingly. "Megaaani…_Megani_," she said, and that was it. That was all the explanation anyone needed, and even though I didn't understand what she meant by that, it made sense in a strange way, and I left it at that.  
_'That's because we have _you_.'_

We didn't say much else after that. We didn't need to. We were all just glad to be there, together…It was strange in a way. No one else had made me feel this welcome since I returned, and simply by removing this…stone…I could join them, become one of them…

_But no…I can't do that…_ I reminded myself bitterly, _It would bring us all nothing…but pain…_

In another sense, I felt that taking off the Everstone would be _wrong_…for another reason…Betrayal? That I would be betraying my human friends…and family…rejecting them…more wholly than I could ever do as I was. I wasn't ready to do that. I never wanted to be. They were still my friends no matter what. Whether they thought of or treated me like a freak or not…They were still……They'd come around eventually…We all would…I hoped…

I curled up against Meganium and closed my eyes. I felt safe, protected within my circle of friends.

"I wish we could stay here forever…" I mumbled sleepily.

Meganium curled her neck around me. I could hear a murmur of concern from her and others, but I was glad in a way. They didn't ask or accuse me outloud, but maybe they just didn't need to.

            *  *  *

"Wake _up_!"

Something jabbed me hard in the ribs, forcing me into consciousness. I blinked groggily in confusion, forgetting where I was. I found wet, soggy grass underneath me. Meganium was still lying beside me, as was Pikachu. We were all covered with water and more kept dripping on us. I didn't realize it was raining until I looked up. Standing over me with his hands on his hips and his wet hair looking ridiculous was Gary Oak. His Umbreon sat miserably at his side, obviously not enjoying the weather.

"How could you possible _sleep_ in this!?" he demanded in disbelief, "Are you turning into a fish or something??"

_If that's all you have to say…_

I yawned dismissively and curled back up. "Ah dunno…I'm tired though…Lemme alone…"

"No way! You're gonna catch pneumonia and then your mom'll kill _both_ of us for letting that happen!"

That got my attention for some reason…

_Gary worried about getting into trouble…? That's new…_

"Look at this!" he went on, "You haven't even recalled your fire types! Do you know how dangerous that is?" He knelt down and picked up one of my other Pokémon, Phanpy…My first instinct was to run up and take him back, but at a second glance, I could see that Gary was using great care in handling the young Pokémon, even futilely attempting to dry its muddy skin. "Look at this little one…I can't believe you would let it stay out in the rain like this. It's gonna need treatment."

I sat up then. An important part of me was disgusted with the fact that Gary was telling me how to take care of my Pokémon. That same part was despaired at the fact that he was right.

I stood up and carefully took Phanpy back from Gary. My heart wrenched when I touched it. The rain really was hurting it…

"Phanpy…Hey, you alright buddy…?"

"Py…" he squealed softly.

I cradled him gently…Gary was right. He'd get really sick if we didn't do something soon. I looked over at Charizard and Cyndaquil. Charizard was doing fine. This light rain was nothing for him. Cyndaquil was positioned by his side, somewhat protected from the rain by a friendly wing. Phanpy had been sitting next to him, but that small shelter wasn't enough to really protect him well. I could tell that they were all eager to get inside and dry. I looked back to the shivering youth in my arms. He was cuddling close to me for warmth.

"Alright, let's go…"

I hadn't brought any of their Pokéballs with me, so they all had to walk. I know a lot of them didn't mind. Totodile was ecstatic. Only Charizard, Cyndaquil, Phanpy, and Pikachu actually came with us to the lab. The rest returned to their habitats after warm goodbyes.

We travelled fast. Phanpy and Cyndaquil needed to get dry. Charizard wanted to too. As soon as we got to the lab, I had Professor Oak take a look at them. He made Gary get me and Pikachu a towel and some tea when he saw us all. He also told Gary to get some for himself and Umbreon. Gary only got the towels, thankfully. He was only a little better at brewing tea than his grandfather, but at least he knew it.

We sat down in the professor's living room. Misty and Brock had already gone home a while ago. I couldn't figure out why Gary was still there except that maybe he didn't want to go out in the rain again. The only reason he was here in the first place was because Professor Oak made him go look for me after it started raining.

I looked at him carefully. He was sitting on the couch across from me. Umbreon had decided to take a nap by his side. Gary seemed to be purposely avoiding looking my way. I might've been offended, but he wasn't avoiding me because he just didn't want to look at me. He looked nervous or uneasy, but it wasn't because of my looks.

"Why are you staring at me?" he blurted suddenly.

I blinked in surprise. I hadn't realized that I'd been…

"Wh-what?"

"Why do you keep staring at me?" he repeated, "Is there something on my face?"

"Um…No…"

"Well stop then."

"…Okay…"

Since my permission to look in Gary's direction had just been denied, I watched Pikachu instead. He hopped off the couch and onto the coffee table, gathered some jelly beans from the bowl in the middle, then clumsily hopped back onto my lap, spilling a few of the colorful candies on the floor. He offered me a few and I popped them in my mouth.

I realized after a while that Gary was staring at me. At first, I was angry that he would do that after telling me not to. I finally met his gaze, ready to make some sort of retort, but he beat me to it.

"Ash."

" - What?"

"Why the hell did you choose me?"

I blinked in total confusion. "_What_?"

"For the tournament."

_The tournament…That's right…I did, didn't I?_

I shrugged. "Why not?"

"_Why not?" he repeated incredulously, "I'm your number one rival, your __enemy, as far as Pokémon training goes. Why didn't you pick one of your friends, like Misty or Brock?"_

_That's all he wants to know?_

"Misty and Brock couldn't've beat Richie. Their teams aren't half as balanced or well-trained."

"_I couldn't beat him," Gary pointed out._

"You weren't really ready. He's tough. You spent a lot of time trying to help me, not training your team. But, even then…you came really close didn't you?"

"Down to the wire," he replied, a mix of disdain and pride in his voice. I noticed he'd started petting Umbreon.

"Then it was a good match," I stated matter-of-factly.

He fidgeted a little more, scratching Umbreon behind the ear. The dark Pokémon yawned appreciatively.

"Hey Ash…" he said quietly. When he looked at me again there was a strange sort of determination in his eyes, the kind you only see on people who know they're close to finding an answer, but know they won't be happy with the resutlt. "Did you know that was going to happen?"

"What…?"

"The match. Did you know it was gonna end like that?"

_What is he trying to say that I…?_

"No! Of course not! How could I?"

He squinted at me longer, and it quickly turned into a frown. "You did."

"What?" I cried.

"You knew. I can tell! You did!"

"No I didn't!"

"That's why you chose me! Because you knew how the match would turn out!"

"I had no idea what was gonna happen! I just chose you because there wasn't anyone else to take my place!"

"I'm sure there were plenty…"

"No. There weren't. Just you, Gary. Only you. Anyone else and, _yes, __anyone would've been able to tell that they would lose. You had a chance at least…Do you really think I would've bothered with the battle at all if I knew Richie was going to win no matter what?"_

Gary just leaned back and crossed his arms, an all too familiar smugness written on his face. "You just proved me right, Ashy-boy."

"_What?" I asked, flabbergasted._

"Maybe you couldn't tell the exact results, but that's because you knew that it would be really close. You chose me because you knew I had a chance."

"But-but that doesn't prove that I-!"

"How else would you know?" he grinned.

"It was just common sense!"

"No one else thought of it."

"But-"

"Come on, you know I'm right."

"No! You're crazy!"

"Am I?"

"_Gary…!"_

"Ash…?" a new voice asked warily.

I spun around and almost fell to see Professor Oak standing in the doorway. I hadn't even noticed that I'd stood up during that argument with Gary.

"Y-yes, Professor…?"

"I thought you'd like to know that your Phanpy's doing fine. He's a little weak, but it's nothing a good meal and a warm blanket won't help."

I sighed in relief. "Thank you Professor…"

"Oh, don't mention it," he smiled. His expression became more serious as he made sure to look at both of us. "Now, I'd suggest that you boys head on home now. This rain isn't showing any sign of letting up, and you know how bad these storms can get."

"Yeah…"

Gary stood up. "You're right, Gramps. I guess we'll be heading out now. Come on, Umbreon."

"You're not going out without a raincoat or an umbrella at _least!" Professor Oak said sternly._

Gary cringed. "Aw, Gramps, I know that I was just…uh…going to get one…"

Professor Oak sighed as Gary and Umbreon made themselves scarce. "Ash, you should be okay with that cloak of yours…Just keep Pikachu dry too, okay?"

_I forgot about that cloak…_

"Alright, I will."

"Good…Now you get home safe and fast. I wouldn't want your mother to worry."

"I will…"

Me and Pikachu went to get my cloak, and I held him in my arms to keep him dry like Professor Oak said.

Once we stepped outside, I just stood there for a while and stared out at Pallet Town drowning in the rain. I'd never really liked rain. It made everything look so dark and gloomy, like the sky was sad and crying and the earth beneath it became sad too.

Mom didn't like me going out in the rain either. She said I would get pneumonia. And in Pallet Town, when it rained, it _rained. I think it has something to do with being by the ocean._

"You going home or what?"

I yelped and jumped in surprise. Gary laughed quietly at that. He was standing to the right of the door and me, under the eave of the roof and decked in a dark green raincoat. Umbreon sat by his feet, attempting to ignore the rain.

"Don't _do that!" I cried in exasperation._

He shrugged flippantly. "It's just a question."

"That's not what I meant…!"

He leered at me snidely. "You _are going home aren't you?"_

"Yes…"

"Alright. Let's go."

"…What?"

"Someone's gotta make sure you don't get lost."

"Get lost…?" I echoed doubtfully, "How could I get lost on my way back home?"

"It's not like it hasn't happened before…I just want to make sure it doesn't happen again." He started walking down the path, then stopped and looked back at me. "You know no one wants you to leave like that again, don't you?"

_That's what…we all want to believe…isn't it?_

"……Yeah, I know."

"Good. Don't forget that." He turned around again. "Let's go."

I watched him for a second before Pikachu nudged me.

"Pika…"  
_'Come on…'_

I nodded at Pikachu and followed behind Gary. He didn't slow down or wait for me, but that's the way Gary is.

We kept an easy pace. There wasn't really any rush. I was sure Mom wouldn't be worrying about me _that much._

I looked up at the sky, blinking away raindrops that tried to hit my eyes. The clouds were foggy and gray, muddled by the rain. I wondered idly what time it was. There really wasn't any way to tell except that it wasn't nighttime because there was still some lightness in the air. It was getting darker though. With the way my stomach was starting to grumble, I suspected that I'd slept through lunch.

I sighed and looked at the road ahead of me. There was Gary again, only his back facing me. Umbreon too.

I closed my eyes and kept walking. I knew this route by heart. I wasn't worried about straying from it.

I thought about a lot of things. About everything that happened these last few days, about some of the things I'd learned today that I never wanted to learn. About words that had been said…to me, about me, and by me. Not many of them were good. I thought about Gary, and about the tournament…I thought about the aftermath of the tournament…and everything I lost…Everyone wanted me to have faith…that there was still hope for me…but as I looked at everything that happened, I realized that nothing had really changed. I was still…what I was…A freak with no future, except maybe in a laboratory, but where was the future in that? I couldn't even take proper care of my Pokémon. If Gary hadn't come, I would've just let them all stay out in the rain. Overall, I was still the same as I'd been that day that I gave up…

_Worthless…_

"Hey."

I stopped and opened my eyes just in time to see myself just inches away from walking into Gary, who had a fist ready to greet me if I did.

"Look, I know you do a lot of stupid things, but walking with your eyes closed is something I thought even _you would know better than to do!"_

"Umbre, um," Umbreon nodded in agreement.

_'Yeah, that's right.'_

I blinked at the both of them. "Um…Sorry."

"Yeah. Right." Gary sighed and gestured to his left. "This is your stop, remember?"

I blinked and stared at my house for a while, trying to comprehend just how much different it looked in the rain.

"…Quit acting like you've never seen the damn place before! Don't you want to go inside?"

_Not really…_

"Uh……Sure…"

There was silence aside from the steady rainfall on the sidewalk and grass.

_It looks so dark…_

"……Are you going inside or _what?"_

"Oh yeah…" I lifted my hand to unlatch the waterlogged front gate and slowly let myself in. Gary watched me as I latched it up again.

"This means you're going inside now, right?" he smirked.

"…Yeah."

He straightened up and gave me a half-salute. "I suppose I'll be going now."

"Yeah."

"Smell ya later."

I watched him and Umbreon head down the road to their house when a sudden thought nagged at me. I cursed the urgency I felt at such a trivial thing, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt it needed to be said.

"Hey Gary!"

He stopped and looked over his shoulder. "What _now?"_

"Um…I just thought I'd tell ya…We're…We're not rivals anymore."

When he heard that, he turned all the way around and put a hand on his hip. "What the hell are you talking about?"

I glanced down while I tried to figure out how to say it then looked up at him again. "We're not competing against each other anymore. I'm not a trainer anymore." I gave a short, forced laugh. "I don't have _any rivals anymore…"_

He took a while to answer, but he did. "Heh. Right." With that, he turned back around and continued home.

I wondered for a while exactly what he meant by that, but eventually I shrugged it off and went inside.

            *  *  *

The rain still hadn't stopped. It'd actually turned into a thunderstorm. And there we all were, in bed. They were asleep at least. It seemed hauntingly familiar…

I sighed and rolled over again. Pikachu had given up on sleeping by my side and had placed himself next to my pillow because of all the moving around I was doing.

Dinner hadn't been anything special. Mom made me get dry and warmly dressed before she let me eat, which didn't surprise me at all. What did surprise me was the way Mom stopped after she'd let me go and came back and held my shoulders and looked at me in the eyes and asked what was wrong. I told her nothing, because I didn't know what she meant. She let me go then, but there was a distance in her eyes and voice that I didn't comprehend.

At dinner I got yelled at by everyone when they found out where I'd been all day. Mom was especially upset because she seemed certain that I was going to get sick. I couldn't tell what the big deal was. It wasn't like it was the first time I'd slept outside in the rain. Sure, I usually had a tent, but there's not really _that much of a difference, is there? I mean, I didn't even notice the rain until Gary woke me up. It was a good thing he did though, or Phanpy…_

I hadn't told them any of that of course. That Gary had to wake me up and the only reason I even left was because of Phanpy.

_I hurt him…_

I winced at that thought. I didn't want to think about it that way, but it was true. We'd all gone to that spot together and we thought we would be okay. But we weren't. It was my idea to go, it was my idea to stay, and it was my responsibility to make sure _everyone was okay, but I couldn't do that. I didn't want anything bad to happen…I thought I'd finally found something good here, but pain followed after me anyway…_

_I can't avoid it. Everywhere I go, there's pain. Everyone's gonna get hurt because of me._

I closed my eyes and listened to the rain ramming hard against the window, like it was trying to break in. Thunder sounded occasionally, shouting encouragement.

_Why would you want to come in here?_

I opened my eyes and stared at the window. There was nothing to see but darkness, but I watched it anyway.

_Maybe you don't want to come in. Maybe you want me to come out…_

I leaned up a little, casting some light on my blankets.

_Or maybe you don't care, but…I do. I don't belong here…I don't know where I belong…but it's not here!_

I got out of bed and left. Downstairs, I grabbed my still soggy cloak, put it on, and went outside.

I stood on the porch for a long time, wind and rain whipping my face. A stray bolt of lightning crawled across the sky, soon followed by thunder. I could see almost nothing of Pallet when it faded. It was so dark. Even the streetlights were dim and foggy. To my right I knew there were mountains and Johto beyond. I couldn't see them at all.

I stepped off the porch and into the wet, muddy grass. I wasn't sure why I'd come out there. I felt a little better though. Not completely trapped.

I looked to the mountains again. Nekiro's Sanctuary was somewhere out there, I knew it…but I couldn't remember the way. In this rain, I'd be lucky if I could even get back here from wandering.

_And I promised…I promised I wouldn't leave…Why__ did I say that…?_

I walked around to the back of the house and sat under the ash tree. It blocked out a lot of the rain, but what did hit me was much harder and colder than normal. I saw another lightning strike near the mountains and let its soundwave wash over me.

_Lightning strikes the highest points…_

I looked up through the branches and rain. Where was I anyway? The bottom.

I climbed up, gripping the slippery wet branches firmly. I didn't hesitate to use my tail as an extra hand. I climbed as high as I could. Higher than I'd ever climbed before. Where the branches bent under my weight and swayed wildly with the wind. I stayed next to the trunk, hugging it with my arms and keeping my tail tightly wrapped around the branch below me.

There was no lightning and no thunder. For a moment, I worried that the storm was coming to an end.

"Please don't…" I whispered, "Please…I need your help. I'm trapped…and I can't get out…Only you can help me…save me…there's nothing left for me…only pain…P-please…if this is true…make it stop. I don't want to go through this anymore…" I stared up at the fiercely weeping heavens. "Zapdos…whoever's listening…please…Just do me this one favor…It's all I'm asking…and then…you won't have to worry about me anymore…" I bowed my head, pressing against the bark of the tree. I felt a hot drop of water slide down my cold, wet cheek. "…No one will…"

A raucous cry echoed in my ears as if shouted from a great distance. I opened my eyes wide, just in time to see a great pillar of light and a quaking explosion of sound. I screamed and clapped my hands over my ears and shut my eyes to block out the light. My scream was drowned out in the incredible roar of thunder. The burning brightness seared red through my eyelids. In the shock, I would've fallen off the branch if I didn't thrust forward at the last second and press myself against the tree for support.

The explosion echoed for a long time. When it finally did fade away, I couldn't do anything immediately. I was at last able to pull my hands away from my ears and wrap them around the tree trunk. I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. When I was able to open my eyes, all I could see was the night.

_What…what did you…?_

I squinted, trying to make out anything but the rain. There was nothing.

_The…the lights went out…_

I closed my eyes again and continued to sob painfully, hot tears streaming down my face. I couldn't stop shaking. I couldn't…

_It…it almost hit me…It almost…_

I took deep breaths to try to calm down.

_Almost…but it didn't…It…didn't…_

My breathing relaxed and the crying ceased. I looked down aat myself clutching the ash for dear life…

_I'm still alive…_

I shuddered violently once against my will, then the rest of my body followed with lesser shivering. I shut my eyes, which failed to stop a new flow of tears, and rested my forehead against the slickened tree trunk. I could only recall feeling this way a few times before in my life. I was scared…truly scared…My dreams had scared me, yes, but…not like this…This was panic and fear and…relief, bitter, unwanted relief…all stabbed into me at once…

_I'm still alive…_

I could hear myself crying. The rain was still louder, but I could hear myself…I hated the sound of it. I've always tried to cry quietly, but I couldn't always help it. I cried like a child…

_I'm…still alive…Why? What's left for me here? What reason do I have to be alive? What right__ do I have to be alive? All I can bring…is pain…_

I glanced behind me.

_A light…?_

All I could see was the light, starting at my front door and faintly shining across the lawn. It was soon followed by a voice that I could barely make out.

"Aaaaassshhhh!!"

I could hear obvious panic in her voice from what little I could make out.

"Piikaapiiii!!!"

_Pikachu…_

Those two voices were soon joined by others and one more light. I realized that the lightning must have woken them up, and that's when they noticed that I was missing.

"Aaasshh!! Come back!"  Mom…

"Hey Ash! Where are you?!"  Brock…

"Ash come back! Please come back Ash! Please!! Please Ash…"

_She's crying…_

Their voices started to mumble, probably planning a search.

"Piiiiikaaaapiiiiiiii!!!!"

My tail slowly unwrapped from the branch…They were going to leave…to look for me…From the sound of pain in their voices, they'd keep looking until they found me…

"Guys, I'm-" I choked on my words. My throat was sore from crying. I could barely even hear myself.

"Ash!!!"

A glance over my shoulder showed me the two lights moving away.

"No wait. Come back…"

I scrambled from that branch to another, barely able to hold onto the rain-drenched bark. They were getting farther away…

"Wait!!" I cried desperately scratching my throat raw. I jumped down to a lower branch and didn't realize I was slipping until it was too late. "I'm still-Ahh!" I shrieked in surprise as the rain suddenly seemed to be falling up at me instead of down. A jar to my head made me realize that I was the one falling, but by then I couldn't stop it. That first branch was quickly followed by a chain of blows that seemed to come from everywhere. It ended finally with a harsh slam against the earth.

I shook with pain as I tried to push myself up. "Mom…Pikachu…Misty…" I whispered, searching them out in the darkness.

"Pikapi!?"

"Ash!?"

I shut my eyes when someone turned the flashlight on me.

"Ash!! Are you okay!?"

They moved the flashlight off my face finally and I squinted up at them as they knelt around me.

"Guys," I gasped, "I'm still…I'm still…" A groan escaped and I felt my body slacken on its own. The rain continued to drum down on us, gradually fading away…

"Ash!!"


	34. Clouded Eyes

Chapter 34  
"Clouded Eyes"

Bright light. Hurting my eyes. I groaned and shut my eyes again, but they still hurt.

"Pikapi…?" He spoke softly, but even that seemed loud and painful to my ears.

I shifted restlessly, every part of my body aching in complaint as I did. I tried to ignore it, finally gathering the strength to squint in the light.

"Pikachu…?" I whispered.

"Pikapi!" he responded excitedly.

I stiffly looked to my right to make out a shapeless yellow figure by my side. It approached me and I could feel it place two tiny paws on my shoulder. I tried hard to focus on his face and was gradually able to make out two black orbs and another set of red circles. Above him were two long stalks of yellow tipped with black.

"Pikachu…" My eyes wandered to our surroundings. They were actually darker than they'd first appeared, faintly shadowed white. When I found the source of the light, I flinched at its harshness.

"Pika?" Pikachu asked.  
_'What's wrong?'_

I turned away from the light and squinted at him again.

"It's too bright…"

I saw a slight movement, then he bounded off. I heard a click and the room darkened immediately. He returned to my shoulder again.

"Chu?"  
_'Better?'_

I tried to nod, but found that I couldn't.

"…What…?"

Pikachu chuckled nervously. "Piikachuu…"  
_'They put a collar on you…'_

I was sure I didn't hear that correctly…

"_What_?"

"Pii…Pikapikachu…"  
_'Umm…They mighta called it something else…'_

I tried to lift my hand to feel what it was for myself, but a sharp pain shot through my arm instead and I let out a weak cry.

"Pikachu! Pika pika…"  
_'Be careful! You got hurt a lot…'_

I grimaced in acknowledgement and timidly tested my left arm. Like everything else, it still hurt to move, but not nearly as bad as my right arm. I shakily brought my hand to my neck and found a hard padding over it. It surrounded my neck, just like a collar, like Pikachu said. I realized with alarm that I couldn't reach my Everstone.

"My Everstone…!"

"Pika, pikachu," Pikachu reassured me, "Pika, pikapika."  
_'It's still there. They just put the collar over it.'_

I sighed in relief. "Good…"

_Wait…What is this "collar" anyway? Where did they get it? Why- This isn't a collar, it's a…brace! Mom doesn't exactly have these lying around the house…_

A cold feeling of dread slowly crept over me.

_This doesn't add up…not the way it's supposed to! This room, this bed…all too unfamiliar…Where did they get this-?_

"Pikachu?" I whispered suddenly, fear clearly evident in my voice.

"…Pika?"  
_'Yes?'_

"Where are we…?"

_Oh please Pikachu, don't say what I think you're going to…_

It took him too long to answer…That's how I knew I was right…

"Pikapika…pii…pikachu…"  
_'Viridian City…the…human center.'_

I didn't need to correct his wording. I knew _exactly_ what he meant…It was absolutely the last place I wanted to be.

_The hospital…? What am I doing here…? I didn't get hurt _that_ badly! Why…Don't they know? Didn't they realize…Me being here is just…going to…make everything worse…so much worse…_

I shifted aggressively, taking the onslaught of pain in stride and ignoring Pikachu's worried outburst. It was just as I suspected…I could barely move for all the tight bandagings they'd applied…There wasn't any doubt…They knew…

"Why…?" I demanded, actually having to concentrate on keeping my voice down, "Why did they bring me here…!? Can't they see what's going to happen!? Pikachu, _why_ did you let them-!?"

"Pikapi!" he cried and tried to calm me down. I didn't fight him, but I kept my jaw hard set and my eyes narrowed despite how much it made me head spin.

_No, I won't calm down. I won't stand for this! I never wanted _anyone_ to know what happened to me! Now _everyone_ will know and there's not a thing I can do about it! The media will come and make sure of that. I know they will. And then what? Scientists probably…All kinds…More tests…Never another day of privacy, I know that much…Never another chance to find sanctuary…And for what!? Just for a few broken bones maybe!? Not even! It's not worth that! Why couldn't that fall just _kill_ me and be done with it?! Why do I have to keep living like this?! Why!?_

"Pika pika! Pikachu…Pikapika…"

_'Don't be mad! It was Mom's idea…She just wanted you to be okay…'_

"Mom…?!" I repeated, my mouth filling with bitter hatred and sorrow.

_How could she!? Of all people-!_

"Pikachu…! Pikapi…"  
_'Please don't be mad…! She was just worried about you…'_

"Well, she has plenty to be worried about _now_ doesn't she?" I spat.

"Pikapi…!" Pikachu gasped.

I didn't look at him. I probably wouldn't be able to see him anymore if I did anyway. There was a pounding in my head and it was driving a fog thicker and thicker around me. I didn't fight it, I welcomed it. The thicker the fog, the more distant the reality around me became, the reality I had no wish to be a part of.

I stopped listening to Pikachu. The more he tried to defend Mom and the others, the closer I came to hating him as well. I didn't want to. I didn't want to hate any of them, but they were the ones who wanted me to! They were the ones who were pretending to care, but didn't even think about what would happen to me. They were the ones who I couldn't trust…that betrayed me……again.

_…again?_

I quickly shook off that split second of doubt. If I couldn't trust my friends, what good was it if I couldn't trust myself either?

_When was the last time I could do that…?_

_No, it doesn't matter…If I have to, then I just won't trust anyone…not even myself…_

"Pika, pikachu…"  
_'I'm supposed to tell them when you wake up…'_

"Fine."

"Pikapi…" He crawled a little closer to me and licked my cheek. I flinched. A few seconds later and he was gone.

When I was alone in the dark again, I started to regret my coldness towards Pikachu. I couldn't really blame him. It wasn't his fault. Mom and the others had decided to call the hospital. How was he supposed to stop them?

_How about a Thundershock?_

_…But…but he doesn't want to hurt them…and he doesn't want me to be hurt either……_

The sound of the door opening was my only warning for the sudden burst of light that flooded the room and stung my eyes. I cried out in protest, but it didn't go away. I heard many footsteps enter the room, but a rapid scampering of claws on tile caught my attention. There was a light impact by my side, and I felt Pikachu resume his place on my shoulder.

"What's wrong Ash?" I heard Professor Oak say conversationally, "You don't even want to look at us?"

_Very funny…_

I opened my eyes one at a time, squinting to protect them. At first, all I could see was the light, white and overwhelming. Gradually, I could make out pale silhouettes, then blocks of color and outlines. They remained faceless for a while, but I could tell them apart. I figured the unfamiliar one was the doctor.

I found myself seething at the very idea that this was all even happening. There I was, in a hospital, disabled, and there they all were, staring at me. I couldn't see that they were staring, but I knew that they were. What _else_ could they be doing? And the worst part, the doctor. Taller and a little wider, I figured he was male. Why did he have to be there? Why did I have to be there? _Why?_

It all came into focus so suddenly. I bolted up, fiercely ignoring the intense pain it caused.

"Ash don't!" Misty cried.

"Don't tell me what to do," I growled lowly, instantly making her shut up. The doctor started to say something, but I ignored him. I turned a hateful glare at Mom. Her expression changed from worry to shock when our eyes met. "Why did you bring me here? What did you think…was so horribly wrong with me that I had to come _here_!? Now _he_ knows, doesn't he!?" I pointed sharply at the doctor, Dr. Proctor I could see now, with my right hand, forgetting how badly it was hurt. I didn't care. "Everyone's gonna know! If you care about me so much, why don't you care about _that_!?" The room was blurring again, starting to rush around me, taunting me with its insane dance. I felt tears at the corners of my eyes. I couldn't tell which pain caused them. My throat was starting to hurt from shouting and it affected my voice. "I can't believe you would do this! I can't believe…that I was _happy_ to see you guys! How…How could you…How could you…!?" The spinning room started to falter, tipping every which way. I leaned back slightly, nauseous from all the movement. Their blurred forms evaporated with the room. "I…I don't feel good…" I moaned softly. The last thing I knew was the thud of my head falling into the hospital pillow.

            *  *  *

Warm…No, _hot_. Too hot. Something soft and light, playing over my forehead, smoothing away sticky hair. I shifted, unsure whether to shy away or welcome it. The heat bothered me, but at the same time lured me to sleep. The gentle feelings also stirred something in me, and I felt compeled to open my eyes to see what it was.

_If only I had the strength…_

My eyes opened on their own eventually, one at a time, but only to slits. I saw the light again, always burning, but this time it seemed more faded, like the bleeding orange of the setting sun. The softness by my face slowed slightly, and a familiar soothing pressure settled by my cheek.

"Ash…? Are you awake?" asked a warm, caring voice.

"…Mom…?" I breathed, wondering why she was there, why I was there. I figured I must be sick. I couldn't remember the last time she'd done this for me…I never liked being sick, but I liked all the attention and affection that came with it…Now if only I could remember how I got sick…

I stared dazedly upwards, looking at her familiar, but now somewhat haggard face, not because of age, but worry. Did I worry her that much?

My confusion turned into distress when I realized that we were not in my room. That harsh light wasn't coming from my lamp, it came from flourescent tiles in the ceiling. The walls of the room were creamy white, not green. The window was on the wrong side of the room. It wasn't a Pokémon Center either. There were no bunk beds. Misty and Brock weren't anywhere in sight…

_…No…_No…

I shut my eyes as if trying to fight off a bad dream, but when I opened them again, nothing had changed. I was still in…the hospital…

It all came back to me like a flash flood. The storm, the lightning, their shouts, my fall, rain and pain, my awakening, realization, and furious anger. Hatred at their betrayal…and most of all…

My eyes jerked towards her once again before I shut them in agony. I felt her hand again, moving across my face and I tried to turn away, but couldn't. She started to speak, but I stopped her.

"Don't touch me," I whispered, cold, but fast, almost in one syllable. Her hand stopped in surprise.

"What…?"

"Don't…Don't touch me," I said again, more forcefully, almost choking on my words.

Neither of us moved. I was breathing hard, the heat almost painful. I shivered.

Eventually, her hand retreated, but we both stayed quiet. I didn't open my eyes. I didn't want to see her face, the face I'd known nothing but love for for the past fifteen years…

"Ash, I have to apologize," she said quietly, "I, I knew you wouldn't want to come here, but I made you come anyway and I'm sorry…but…you have to understand…I couldn't bear to see you…_hurt_ so badly…I couldn't just do nothing, right? Wouldn't you have done the same thing if you were in my place?"

_Never hesitate to help someone who needs your help…That's what you've always said, Mom…_

"I'm in worse trouble now," I muttered, still refusing to look at her.

"The doctor's going to make sure you're okay…"

"That's not what matters!" I retorted angrily, "Someone's gonna find out I'm in the hospital! Someone's gonna make sure everyone knows. And you know what? Someone's also gonna find out something _else about me. Something __no one needs to know! And you know what's gonna happen when that person finds out? He's gonna __tell everyone, so __everyone will know! And __then what's gonna happen to me?! Mom, do you have any idea…? Any at all…?"_

I was crying. It wasn't a lot, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't help anything…

I felt her hand touch mine, hesitantly at first, then more firmly as her fingers curled around mine. I was repelled at this action and jerked my hand away, causing myself to cry out in pain.

"Ash…" she whispered remorsefully.

"Leave me alone…"

"I'm not going to-" I felt her hand on my arm and I pulled away, feeling the rush of pain again. "Stop doing that, you're going to make it worse!"

"Stop touching me."

She didn't try again after that. Instead, the room filled with an icy chill depsite the sweltering heat. Most of the cold came from her, but I was sure she felt the same about me.

"You're not being reasonable…"

"I don't care."

"…Ash, you _know I would __never do anything to hurt you!"_

I didn't answer. As far as I was concerned, this conversation was over.

I heard her sigh. "Choose your battles wisely, Ash. I'm afraid you're making a horrible mistake right now…"

I bit my lip but held my silence. That was one piece of advice I'd never been able to follow through, it contradicted everything else.

She kissed me on the cheek and I flinched, but couldn't pull away.

"Goodbye sweetie, I love you."

My only response was a scowl that lasted until the door shut behind her fading footsteps.

I opened my eyes when I was sure she was gone. The light hit me again and I squinted. The room still wasn't mine. Nothing was. I closed my eyes again, the heat catching up to me, filling my brain with clouded steam, trying to pull me back to sleep. I felt a shifting by my shoulder. Pikachu was there the whole time? My eyes drifted between open and shut, alternating between the quiet dark and the scalding light, but with both of them, I was still in that room, still hurt, and still trapped. And it was all very real. Not even a Seeing. It was actually happening.

I closed my eyes and didn't open them. If there was pain no matter what, I'd rather not be awake to know about it.

            *  *  *

I was diagnosed with whiplash, a concussion, a broken arm (now with complications because of my violent actions), twisted knees, and bruises to boot. To make matters worse, it seemed that I was coming down with some sort of flu.

"Feel any better now?" Dr. Proctor asked lightly, closing his folder.

"Um…"

He chuckled. "Didn't think so…Well, normally I'd say that you'll be out of here in a day or so, but this fever…Now, it's not a lot, only 99 degrees, but it's worrying me because I don't know what's causing it…There wasn't anything serious in the culture test…" He tapped his pencil against the folder. "I'd suggest staying at least until we figure out what's wrong. I wouldn't want to release you and then find out that it's something very serious. I don't like the way you're saying it's difficult to see either, but that could easily be due to your physical injuries. Basically, we need to do some observation before I'd feel comfortable letting you go…Not that you'd want to anyway with your legs the way they are…" He turned to Professor Oak, the only other one there besides Pikachu. "Anything you'd like to add, Professor?"

"Actually, yes I do. Ash, I know you're worried about the media finding out about…you, but I want to let you know that I've been over it with Dr. Proctor and he's agreed not to release any information regarding your evolution."

"…Thank you…"

"We'll let you rest now," Dr. Proctor said.

"You should have some visitors later today," Professor Oak told me just before he walked out the door.

"Wha-!?"

And we were alone again.

I leaned back again and closed my eyes. I hadn't even noticed that I got up at all.

It was so much quieter with them gone. All I could hear was the humming of the lights and air and our breathing. I liked the quiet, that they'd left me alone…but I still didn't like being there…

_Visitors…? What do they want with me now…?_

I felt Pikachu snuggle into me. I sighed. I was tired and everything was hot and foggy. I slept until Chansey woke me for lunch and went back to sleep again.

            *  *  *

When I woke up, Misty was sitting by my bedside, fussing quietly with Togetic. Neither of them had noticed that I was awake yet. I tried to get up, but the way the room spun just from moving changed my mind. Instead, I watched them. Misty had a look of obvious concern for Togetic, but much stronger and much more shocking was the clarity of depression in her face and posture. It struck something in me that I couldn't understand…

"…M-Misty…?"

She glanced sharply at me, then gave me a weak smile. "You're awake…"

"Yeah…"

I glanced at Togetic. The little thing looked worse for wear. Her eyes were tired and she slumped forward. Her wings hung limply at her sides.

_How long has she been like this? How come I didn't notice before?_

"What's wrong with Togetic…?"

"Wh- Oh…She…She hasn't been feeling well recently…" Misty answered, stroking the middle point of Togetic's crest. "She can't fly either…I, I think it's my fault…"

"What? What did you do?"

"Oh Ash!" She made a face at me. "It's not like that. It's…Well, Togetics are Happiness Pokémon…When they and the ones around them are happy, then they're healthy. When they're not, then…" She cleared her throat. "…Because I'm her…mother…my feelings are most important to her. So it's my fault she's feeling like this."

A heavy feeling set over my heart, cold as stone and just as strong, despite my fever.

_Misty…No…No this isn't your fault…It…It's mine, isn't it?_

"Don't say that…" I breathed. The lights were starting to fade and I prayed I wouldn't drift off too soon.

"It's true…"

"No…No, it's not…Misty…" Her image split briefly into two before sliding out of focus.

_No, no, I have to stay awake, I have to…_

"You shouldn't be sad, Misty…You don't need to be sad…" She didn't say anything, but I could tell she was listening. "You're…You're sad…because of me…right?" I whispered, "Don't…Don't be…I told you…you don't need me, so don't worry about me…Please…"

"I'll stop worrying about you when I know you're okay."

_When will that be…?_

"But I want you to stop _now…" I mumbled. I couldn't see anymore, but I didn't know if my eyes were closed or not._

"How about this?" she whispered, "I'll try to stop worrying if you try to feel better."

_…I guess…I could…try…_

"…Alright…"

"It's a deal then."

She sounded distant, but I didn't want to fall asleep yet. There was still so much…

"Misty?" I forced my eyes open to look at her blurred figure.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry…I didn't wanna hurt you…"

"Hurt _me?" she asked in surprise, "Ash, __you're the one in the hospital…"_

_Don't remind me…_

"I didn't wanna come here…It was an accident…I didn't mean to…"

Her form was fading, melding with the room and light around her.

"What were you doing up there anyway…?" she asked softly.

_What…Why? I…_

"I dunno…I-I don't remember."

"You don't remember…"

My eyes were closed. I felt pretty sure of it. I was so exhausted, I couldn't imagine opening them again. And it was so warm. The thick air wrapped around me like a warm blanket. Soft, light fingers touched my cheek, then ventured upwards. So familiar…just like…

"Mom…?"

They stopped and jerked away abruptly. "N-n-no, Ash…Misty…Remember? We were just talking…"

"…Oh."

_Mom…Where'd she go…? No, I…I told her to leave…Where did she go…? I shouldn't've been so mad at her…It wasn't her fault…_

"Tell her I'm sorry…" It took all I had to get that out.

"I will."

Sleep had already taken its hold on me before she spoke again, and I startled as if I'd just woken up.

"Sleep well, Ash…"

"…night…"

I faintly noticed her get up and walk away. I never heard the door shut.

            *  *  *

I didn't see any of them again for a day, or at least that's what Pikachu told me, I think. I was too exhausted to notice anything around me. My visitors were no exception.

There seemed to be a lot of them that time. I couldn't really tell, and I didn't particularly care.

"How do you feel?"

I waited with everyone else for someone to answer, but no one did.

"…Your friends came to see you. Won't you even say hello?"

_Who…?_

There was a sigh. "Why don't you kids try?"

_Who is he…talking to…?_

"Hey Ash, we're over her," came a female voice. "You're gonna have to look at us."

_…Ash?…Me?_

I blinked, unsure what I had been looking at before, if anything. My eyes wandered over the suns in the ceiling to the talking mountains to my right. I waited, wondering what they could want from me.

"…Ash?"

_That's…me, isn't it?_

The orange-haired one shifted uncomfortably, them grinned too much at me. "We, we just came to see how you're doing," she informed me.

_Oh…_

"Ash?" Came another feminine voice, "Misty told me what you said…"

_What? What did I say?_

"…Ash…?"

They blinked at this, then the second one continued, "Remember? You were mad because we called the hospital…"

_The…_

My eyes widened as I realized where we were.

_That's…That's right…They…I…I forgot…I forgot where I am…but…but I'm still here…So much danger…and they brought me here…because they didn't care…why…why…Why…?_

I felt a sudden, painful rush of heat through my body. I groaned and shifted to fight or escape it, but I found myself restrained, trapped. Something was gnawing on the back of my head, blinding me with pain. All I could see was a great whiteness. I choked and whimpered in fear.

A sweet, faraway voice called my name and I tried to respond, but I failed.

A different voice, not speaking to me. Other voices. Voices that I couldn't hear. Whispering. Whispering to themselves. Panic? Worry. Move. Get out. Worry. Fear. Confusion? Scrutinizing. Idea? Help.

_Help me…_

White. White. Black. White. Dark. Light. Panic. Numb. Sleep…

            *  *  *

Dark. Cold and dark. Alone. Alone with myself. Voices. Voices and memories. Haunting. Haunting and pain. Dire pain. Sweet, bitter pain. My pain. My only possession. My only comfort. My pain. My heart.

I was floating, or submerged. Directionless. Timeless. Mindless. I did not know if I was dead or alive. I did not care. I did not know my location. It did not seem familiar and yet it felt like somewhere I had always longed to return to. Had I found home? Somewhere to belong?

Belong…I belonged with myself. No one else. There was no one else there. No one else to share my home with. The way it was supposed to be…? Me, always, alone…

I sank further into the darkness. It wrapped around me like a silken cloth, thin but strong, my only protection.

A voice in the darkness. Strange and new. It could not be me. It did not seem to sound like me, yet I knew there was no one else there. I listened to this strange sound, this voice, confused by it, curious. It sang with a small but melodious voice. The song was familiar, comforting. An ancient, childhood lullaby. The voice grew in strength as the song continued. I strained my ears to hear it better. I longed to find the source of the voice, but my ears alone could not.

I moved, amazed that I could. My muscles ached from disuse. My mouth opened and I took a breath, filling my lungs with icy air. I shivered, but the voice sang on. I raised my head and opened one eye.

Across the vast span of darkness I could see a form I could only recognize as a soft, pale pink light. It sang to itself, to me, sweet and beautiful. As the song becan to draw to a close, he opened the other eye, bright blue, full of pain and sorrow, and smiled at me.

            *  *  *

"Ashura…" A young girl called to me, kind and innocent. She giggled when I looked around but couldn't find her. "I'm over here, silly."

There she was, standing before me. She had the prettiest ocean blue eyes, the most delicate auburn hair sparkling in invisible light, and the warmest, honest smile.

"…Misty?"

"Who else would I be?" she laughed. Unable to hide her grin, she spun around once and curtsied before spreading her arms in welcome. "Come on, Ashura. Let's go back…"

She extended her hand. I reached for her, stretching my arm to its limit. We both leaned forward, inching closer and closer but never nearing.

"Misty…!" I gasped.

Her form shook and blinked out for a moment, covered by a purple blue haze. A look of distress crossed her face.

"Misty, no!" I cried. I could feel tears and a lump in my throat. I couldn't lose her again…

Her body began to fade away. I stared into her watery blue eyes as we continued to reach for each other. I saw my teary reflection and she smiled one more time for me.

"Ashura…I forgive you…"

I gasped as she vanished into the haze, her words still echoing in my ears.

"No…_Misty!"_

"Espeon…?"  
_'Ash…?'_

The violet fog faded to lavender, then gradually formed into a unhuman face. A tiny black nose at the end of a long, rounded muzzle. Concerned violet eyes staring at me. Shining red jewel in her forhead. Limp, wide lavender and black ears.

"E…Espeon…?" I whispered.

"Spe…" she nodded.  
_'Yes…'_

I turned my head and winced at the brightness covering us. Too bright, too hot…I closed my eyes and drifted, too weak to fight it.

"Espeon! Espeon, spe…"  
_'Ash! Please stay awake. Please…'_

I felt something hard but soothing against my forehead. I could faintly sense soft fur surrounding it.

_Espeon…?_

I opened my eyes to see hers watering close to mine, the jewel of her forehead pressed against me.

"Espeon…?"  
_'Ash…?'_

I looked at her, one of my newer friends, but she cared about me all the same. I knew from the new connection she had formed with me how she had tried so hard to rescue me from the darkness. She never penetrated it…but she created the bridge to the exit. I knew who had opened the door to that bridge…

A crystalline tear slipped from the corner of her eyes and slid down her furred cheek. A life-giving tear, for me…

"I'm back," I whispered. I could see a smile reflected in her eyes.


	35. Released

Chapter 35  
"Released"

The pain didn't leave. My doctors, I had three of them now, Dr. Proctor, Professor Oak, and Nurse Joy, were trying to fix that. They kept me under special treatment. Eventually, Nurse Joy suggested that we try something new unless I wanted to stay there forever. She compared my illness to magnetism in electric Pokémon, or a Psyduck's headache. I had built up a lot of psychic energy over time, but I was endangering my health by keeping it repressed and had almost slipped into an irreversible coma. I'd actually been sleeping for almost a day. Espeon had helped me by channeling out some of my excess powers, but she couldn't cure me alone. Nurse Joy speculated that the head and neck injuries I'd suffered in my fall had advanced the condition. Her suggested treatment was a mass release of the pent up energy, followed by careful conditioning to avoid this from happening again.

They moved me to the Pokémon Center because the hospital wasn't equipped to handle such extremes. They had to put me to sleep for the transfer because the pain was too intense once I was removed from special care.

I woke up in a strange room in the Pokémon Center, with the pain as strong as ever. Nurse Joy smiled down at me, holding Espeon, who jumped out of her arms to rub her head against mine.

"How do you feel Ash?" Joy asked me.

"It…still hurts…" I strained.

She nodded. "It won't hurt after this…Chansey, could you please help him down?"

"Chansey!"  
_'Right away!'  
'Sure thing!'_

Espeon moved out of the way for two Chanseys who carefully lifted me out of the bed. I tried to help them, but I was still too weak and hurt. They set me in a wheelchair, forcing me to really sit up for the first time in days. I winced at the unwanted pressure on my neck despite my brace. When the shock died down, I squinted to get a better look at my surroundings. As I did, a Chansey lifted my tail off the floor and placed it neatly in my lap. From what I could make out, in front of me stood Nurse Joy and Professor Oak, with Pikachu on his shoulder. He grinned at me with a small "Pika!" Further away I could see…Gary, with Umbreon.

"Let's go to the treatment room," Nurse Joy said.

A Chansey began to push me forward, which startled me at first because I was moving without actually moving myself. I closed my eyes for a moment to steady myself. When I opened them again we were in a white bright hallway. Joy and Oak were in front of me. I couldn't see Gary or the other Pokémon. Pikachu waved at me from the professor's shoulder, then jumped onto the arm of the wheelchair before nuzzling me and carefully settling in my lap.

We stopped in front of two very different looking doors. The one on the left was the normal wooden type of most doors, but the other one seemed more similar to the door of a vault, while still the same size as the other. Nurse Joy opened the first one and poked her head in.

"He's here," she said sweetly.

Brock was the first one out the door. He took Joy by the hands, blushing deeply. "Oh Joy, thank you! I knew you could pull through in such a-"

"_Brock!_"

At Misty's sudden growl, Brock jumped back and stood perfectly straight with his arms firmly at his sides. "I'm being good!" he proclaimed. Misty just sighed.

Though I couldn't see perfectly due to the light and my vision fogging more and more, I could imagine it from experience and smiled weakly at the little scene.

Misty turned to me, but whatever she'd been planning on doing or saying evaporated, and instead she simply stared at me. Brock cautiously looked to me as well and had pretty much the same reaction. When Mom came out and saw me, she stopped too, but she also seemed to recover faster.

"Ash…?"

"…Hm…?"

She didn't say anything. She just gave me a tearful smile and a nod. I thanked her wordlessly in return.

"Ash?" Nurse Joy spoke up. I looked at her as best I could. "Do you remember what you have to do?"

"…Yeah," I breathed.

"…Do you think you can do it…?"

_I remember all too well…_

"Yeah…"

"…Okay." She unlocked the armored door and pushed it open. Chansey began to wheel me into the room. "This room is specially designed to protect against Pokémon attacks. We'll be in the room next door in case anything goes wrong…Gary's Umbreon has volunteered to accompany you. As a dark type, psychic attacks won't be able to hurt it…But _you_ have to come in the other room with us, Pikachu."

"Pika? Chu…" He jumped off my lap and ran back outside.  
_'What? Oh fine…'_

When we got to the middle of the room, the Chanseys helped me out of the wheelchair and settle on the floor. It hurt so much but I thanked them anyway. They left with the wheelchair and Joy, Gary and Umbreon joined me. I could barely make out their outlines.

"Umbreon, you look out for him, okay?" Gary said with surprising sincerity.

"Umbreon."  
_'No problem.'_

"Alright…"

"I'm sorry you can't stay in the wheelchair," Nurse Joy told me, "but it would be a danger to you and Umbreon if you were to damage it. Your wounds are almost fully healed, so it's safer this way."

"Okay…"

"Remember, we're right in the next room…Good luck."

The two of them left and the door closed resoundingly behind them. I shuddered at the sound. I knew what it meant. I was locked in. If it weren't for Umbreon and the pure paranoia of the idea, I might have suspected that they intended to lock me up forever.

I was really having trouble both in seeing and sitting up, but I did anyway. The walls seemed to be as reinforced as the door. There was a strong feeling of solidness and containment in the room. There was an elliptical black blur on one of the walls. Probably a one-way window.

I could hear and eventually see Umbreon as a black shadow walk around and stop in front of me.

"Umbreon…"  
_'You may begin at anytime.'_

"…I know…"

"Umbreon?"  
_'Why don't you start now?'_

_I could do that I guess…Use my…powers…I've been trying so hard to avoid them…but if I don't…I may fall asleep and never wake up again……Perhaps that wouldn't be so bad…but everyone else…They worked so hard to give me another chance…even…her…_

_I'll only be hurting us if I don't take it._

I looked at Umbreon, faintly able to make out his shape, rings of gold, and deep red eyes.

"I'm scared…"

"Umbreon."  
_'I'll protect you.'_

"…Thanks…"

"Umbreon…"  
_'You might as well start.'_

"……Alright."

_I…I can do this…_

I closed my eyes and focused on the pain filling my mind, growing, expanding it. It shot downwards from my mind, coursing through my body like fire. A violent tear ripped through my skull and I clutched my head in pain, trying to hold it together. The fire engulfed me, burning away at the molecules surrounding me. I opened my eyes, unable to keep them shut any longer. All I could see was white and black, racing through each other like tv static gone mad. The power grew outwards, a sphere of near solid energy with me as the epicenter. The intensity exploded and I could no longer feel my body. All I knew was the erratic patterns in my vision, the quaking power, and, somewhere in the distance, a single, raw scream of pain.

            *  *  *

I first became aware of a warm softness around me. I opened my eyes to darkness. Night. Peaceful…

I waited as my senses focused more. I could hear the hum of the air conditioning. Someone passed by in the hall, but it was generally quiet. The shadows on the ceiling shifted faintly, but regularly. I couldn't feel the restraints and braces that I'd been wearing before. Nurse Joy must have taken them off…

I closed my eyes, still waiting, unsure what I was waiting for. Something that had become so constant and natural that I'd stopped imagining life without it…

_The pain…_

I opened my eyes suddenly, returning from darkness to darkness. The pain had left me, or had simply stilled, paused for a while.

_Is it…gone…? Is it really gone…?_

I couldn't believe it either way. That it had left me, even for a moment, was beyond my comprehension. Suddenly, I felt discontented with simply lying there wondering about it. I was free…finally free…

I sat up, slowly. My body was still unused to movement, but it no longer hurt. The sheet covering me slid down to my waist, leaving only the thin hospital gown as protection from the chill night air. I hugged myself to keep warm. As I did, I looked at my arms. I hadn't been able to look at myself while I was in the hospital, but now I had no hints of what I'd looked like then. I couldn't see any traces of injury in the dim light of my Everstone. My only scars lined my fingers. I opened and closed my fist, feeling no resistance or complaint from my arm. I wasn't sure, but I thought broken bones were supposed to take a lot longer to heal than that…not that I minded, of course.

I closed my eyes, still expectant of my pain's return, disbelieving of its absence. I wasn't sure how long this peace would last. Somehow, I wanted to make the most of it, though I couldn't tell if I was deserving or not.

Beside me were two balls of fur curled up together, one yellow and one lavender. Pikachu and Espeon. Espeon had one foreleg draped over Pikachu, who was using her as a pillow. They were both very close to where I had been sleeping, and I silently thanked them for their company and warmth. I listened to them snoring softly while their bodies rose and fell in unison. I didn't have the heart to wake them up, so I lay down again and pulled the blanket back over us before joining them in slumber.

            *  *  *

I woke up with something warm on my chest. A black and purple ear hung in front of my face, blocking about half of my vision. I tried to move, but Espeon was weighing me down and still seemed to be asleep. I resigned to waiting. The night had gone, but the peace remained. The sunlight from the window carried a pale golden warmth with it, casting a shade of honey over the room.

Outside, I could hear a couple of Pidgeys chirping, arguing actually. One of them had stolen the other one's branch. Apparently, that Pidgey had a bad habit of doing so, not to mention "borrowing" the other's grain without permission. The second argued that the grain was open to everyone, but the first said that he had claimed it first. When a third Pidgey, this one female, joined them, she scolded them for arguing over a single branch when there were plenty of branches in any bush. Both males told her that that particular branch was the finest in the bush. She called them both the equivalent of birdbrains, and somehow the conversation soon turned into a contest of flirtation.

The door opened and I shifted my attention to Nurse Joy and Chansey who had come in to check on me. Espeon and Pikachu also started to wake up.

"Oh, I see you're awake," Joy said kindly, "How do you feel?"

I was hesitant to answer only because the answer seemed so strange, regardless that it was the truth. "I-I'm…fine…"

"Are you sure…?"

"Yeah…I…Nothing hurts…"

Espeon yawned and stretched, then carefully backed up so she was simply sitting beside me, blinking sleepily. Pikachu sat up next to her and rubbed his eyes. I decided to sit up myself, surprising all of them.

"Do, do you think it's okay if- I mean…Am I all better?" I asked Nurse Joy.

"Um…Well, we'll have to see," Joy said, but I could tell by her voice that she believed I was. "Do you think you can walk?"

"Yeah…" I nodded. To be honest, I felt like I could do anything…

"Let's see," she smiled. With a single move, she unlocked the side railing on my bed and flipped it down. I just looked at it for a moment before turning to drop my legs over the side. I knew she could see my tail, but I knew she already had and she didn't say anything about it anyway.

I stared at the floor and scooted forward a little at a time. When my feet touched the floor, I carefully pushed myself up until I couldn't hold onto anything for support. My tail lashed around until I found my balance.

"Are you alright?" Nurse Joy asked.

"Umm…Yeah." When I was sure of myself, I turned to my friends and gave them a little grin. They cheered for me, and Pikachu jumped into my arms. I hugged him back and let him climb on my shoulder, while Espeon rubbed her head against me. I picked her up and hugged her too.

"It looks like you're back in good health," Nurse Joy commented, "How does it feel?"

"It's great," I told her, then I remembered something. "Um…Nurse Joy?"

"Yes, Ash?"

"Um…did…didn't I get better really fast? Or…was I sleeping _that_ long?"

She replied with a strange, nervous giggle. "Actually…you did recover remarkably fast, and no, you were only sleeping for a day." She paused, then went on, more hesitantly. "Even before, your injuries were healing at well over the normal rate…After yesterday's…treatment…they healed completely. Even at the speed you were recovering, that shouldn't have happened so fast. My guess is that you used some kind of recovery move in addition to that psychic attack…"

"Psychic attack?"

She nodded. "Yes, it was…very strong."

I felt Espeon shiver in my arms and as she did, memories of danger and fear flashed by in my mind. They faded just as quickly as they came, but that brief second alone left me uncertain, unsure of what had _really_ happened as I began to realize just how little my own memories told me. Nurse Joy changed the topic before I could press further.

"Why don't we go see your friends?" she suggested.

"…Sure."

She pointed out a pair of slippers, and after stepping into them, I followed her out of the room. The hallways were empty other than us and the occasional Chansey. The peace was still present, but disturbed. Somehow, I couldn't shake the images of fear I had received so briefly.

_Were they Espeon's memories…? They seemed so real, so recent…But when did…Was it…me?_

Espeon stared up at me from my arms, her violet eyes sad and almost apologetic.

"Nurse Joy…?" I asked quietly.

"Hm?" She looked over her shoulder.

"What…exactly…happened…yesterday?"

She stopped and sort of blinked at me. She seemed surprised. "You don't remember?"

I hesitated. All I could remember was the power and the pain that came (and left?) with it…

I shook my head. "Not…really…"

"Oh. Um……I, I'm sure it's not important," she replied hurriedly. "We're almost there…" she added and continued walking. I stared at her back, now sure of my doubt.

_You're lying…Something else happened…Something that wasn't supposed to._

"Pika, pikachu," Pikachu urged softly.  
_'Come on, let's go.'_

I nodded and followed after Nurse Joy once more.

She was right when she said we were almost there. She soon stopped in front of a guest room and knocked politely. It didn't take long at all for Mom to open the door with a flurry.

"Nurse Joy!" she exclaimed.

"Good morning," she replied.

"Ash, is he-?"

Nurse Joy smiled. "Why don't you see for yourself?"

"Huh?" She looked past Nurse Joy for the first time and gasped when she saw me. "Ash…you're…"

"…Hi Mom."

"Ash…" She came forward and hugged me tightly. I would've returned the favor if I wasn't still holding Espeon. She shifted but didn't complain. Pikachu climbed on top of my head.

Mom murmured to herself and to me, "You're okay…You're really okay…" She paused and held me in front of her. I could see tears in her eyes. "You _are_ okay, aren't you?"

I nodded. "Yeah…"

"I'm so glad…" She smiled and hugged me again.

It was then that my stomach growled, rather loudly. It surprised me and everyone else. I couldn't remember it doing that for a while.

Nurse Joy laughed appreciatively. "Why don't you get dressed and then you can all go down and get something to eat? It's been a while since you've had something decent, Ash."

"Alright," I agreed readily.

            *  *  *

Mom and Professor Oak were sharing a room, and everyone else was in the room next door, but I didn't get to see them right away. Fortunately, Mom had the foresight to bring me a change of clothes. She'd also kept that cloak I'd been wearing…I accepted it and went to change in the bathroom. When I got to the cloak, I put it on and wrapped it around me again. It felt so familiar and strange…In the mirror I could only see the face that now belonged to me. I noticed hints of gray returning to my hair. I lifted the hood of the cloak over my head, slowly, before carefully bringing it down over my eyes, immersing myself completely in its darkness. From the shadows, I looked at my reflection again and saw nothing but shadow.

_Is that right…? Or is there…Isn't there more to me than just this…this darkness…?_

I removed the cloak, set it aside. Watching myself, I brought two fingers to my Everstone, my little light. I needed more than just its power alone. Such a small light couldn't fight the darkness…but…maybe I _had_ more…

_Misty…? I know you can hear me, wherever, whenever you are…My child…Thank you…I'll use this light you've given me…We'll make it…somehow…_

I looked at the cloak and folded it up.

_I can't hide forever…Maybe it's about time I returned this…_

I came out and Mom, Professor Oak, Pikachu, and Espeon were waiting for me. They looked surprised when they saw me.

"A-aren't you going to wear that…?" Mom asked.

"…No…Gary probably wants it back anyway…"

"Uh, he said you can borrow it as long as you need to…" Professor Oak told me.

"I know."

"But…"

The two of them exchanged worried and confused glances. Below them, I saw the my Pokémon exchange knowing ones. They both smiled at me. I smiled back, then looked at the adults with amusement.

"Come on, I'm _really_ hungry!" I complained.

They both startled, then finally came to the conclusion that, "Maybe we should go eat…"

            *  *  *

The cafeteria wasn't very crowded…but there _were_ trainers there…I stopped at the entrance and just stared at them, suddenly greatly regretting not wearing the cloak. I still had it with me, but…

_No. I made my decision. I can't just back out on it…but…maybe I should come back later when there's no one here…_

It took a lot of nudging and encouragement, mostly from Pikachu and Espeon, to get me to actually move forward. Once I did, I moved quickly. I knew it might be best to be casual so I wouldn't draw a lot of attention to myself, but I just couldn't. Fortunately, the others, who'd gotten here first, hadn't picked a table too far away. Unfortunately, because there were so many of us, they had to pick a table somewhere in the middle, not a booth…

I sank into a chair next to Misty, feeling very very awkward and more than a little afraid. Mom sat down next to me, and Professor Oak across from her. I didn't even turn my head because then I'd be able to see the faces of those strangers who were witnessing what they definitely weren't prepared for…It was bad enough seeing my _friends_ staring at me…

"Why aren't you wearing your cloak…?" Brock asked finally. He was sitting across from me.

"I……don't know," I answered reluctantly. That reminded me that I had to give back and I tossed it across to Gary, who was sitting next to him. "Here."

He barely had time to catch it. "Um…thanks."

"Uh…did you guys order yet?" I asked, moving onto the next most important thing.

"Not yet…" Brock told me.

"Okay."

I grabbed a menu from the holder in the middle of the table. I felt like ordering a _lot_, but I also wanted to get out of there fast. Maybe if I ate fast enough…

It took a long time for a waitress to get to our table. When she did, she was very careful not to look at me and when she finally took my order last, she only briefly glanced at me to ask what I wanted. I told her and she left immediately.

After watching her go, I finally dared to look around at the rest of the cafeteria and noticed it was much emptier than before. The few who were still there were avoiding looking this way, much as the waitress had.

_I knew this would happen…_

I stared at the table. Maybe the pain _had_ left and been replaced by peace…but now the peace was being replaced doubt and fear…This light wasn't going to help me in a world full of light and shadow and color…I needed something else…

"I'm glad you're okay Ash," Misty said.

I glanced at her, surprised. "Huh?"

"You really had us worried…"

"Oh…I…S-sorry…"

She shook her head. "It wasn't your fault…"

_…Why is she saying that…?_

"Yeah it was."

"Huh?"

I clenched my fists. "I…I was being stupid…I should've known what was gonna happen…I was trying to avoid something inside of me…I couldn't do it…"

No one said anything after that. Maybe they agreed. Maybe they were just stunned. It didn't matter.

The waitress eventually came back with our food, serving me last. She left a check too, then left again.

The sight and smell of food were quite welcome by me regardless of their delivery, and I got down to business immediately. It wasn't quite as good as home cooking, but anything was better than what little I'd had of the hospital food.

I guess I was just full of surprises, because everyone else spent a good amount of time just watching me instead of actually eating themselves. I was too busy to care.

"Hey guys…?" I asked after we were done but before the waitress came back.

"What is it?" Misty asked.

"What happened yesterday…when I was in that room?" They were all right next door so I figured they'd know.

"You…don't know?" Brock asked me.

"No…I was kinda preoccupied…"

They blinked in surprise and looked at each other. I could feel a strong discomfort from each of them. Again, that doubt was confirmed. Something had happened…

"Guys…?" I tried.

That's when waitress came back and took our dishes and money away. She didn't give us a chance to order seconds, which I really wanted. Looked like I'd have to stop by a vending machine later…

After the distraction, Mom clapped her hands together and informed us that Nurse Joy wanted to talk to me when we were done eating, and since we were now, we should go see her. Everyone else was quick to agree, so we went. No one mentioned my question.

            *  *  *

We found Nurse Joy in the lobby, where anyone could usually find her. There was a kid at the desk. She handed him a Pokéball.

"Your Metapod's back to perfect health," she told him with a smile.

"Thanks," he said gratefully. As he turned to go, he spotted us and stopped. His eyes widened in surprise. "Hey, aren't you--? Uhhh…" I saw his eyes wander down and stop. I could feel my face redden, because I knew exactly what he was looking at. When he realized he was staring, he shook his head and backed up a few steps. "Uh…guess n-not…Um…S-sorry, uh, I-I gotta g-go…!"

_No…_

"Hey, wait…"

"Uh…Huh?" he asked nervously, ready to bolt.

"Who did you think I was?" I knew that the answer would be. It didn't take a genuis to figure it out.

"Er……A-Ash K-Ketchum…But that can't be right." He laughed nervously and took a few cautious steps towards the exit.

"…I _am_ Ash Ketchum…" I said quietly.

He froze in his tracks and this time just plain stared.

"If you don't recognize _me_, you _must_ recognize Pikachu…" I took a few steps forward and gestured to Pikachu, who was back on my shoulder.

"Uh…"

He still wasn't convinced, or if he was he just didn't want to believe it. I couldn't really blame him. I had trouble believing it myself. I looked at the Pokéball in his hands…A Metapod…

"You know, I used to have a Metapod…" I commented.

He blinked in surprise, then glanced at his Pokéball, then back to me. "You did…?"

I nodded. "Yeah. He was the first Pokémon I ever caught…He was just a Caterpie when I caught him, but he saved me and my other Pokémon from Team Rocket, and after he evolved, he saved me from a Beedrill. I might have never got past Viridian Forest if it wasn't for him."

He was still staring at me, but the sense of fear was fading. "Really…?"

I nodded. "Yeah." Pikachu backed me up.

"I didn't know that…"

I chuckled. "Well, everyone's gotta start somewhere…"

The kid looked down, almost embarassed. "My Metapod's not like that…It can't do anything…"

"Don't say that! You've been training it haven't you?" I asked and kneeled to get eye level with him.

"Of course I have! Since it was a Caterpie. But now that it's evolved it can't battle anymore. We went to the Viridian Forest to catch more Pokémon, but we ran into this really mean wild Pikachu. I know Metapod tried really hard to beat it, but since it could only use Harden, it got hurt really bad and that's why we're in the Pokémon Center."

I looked at him long and hard. He was telling the truth, I could tell.

"Can I see your Metapod?" I asked.

"Uhh…S-sure, I g-guess…Metapod, come out!" He let the Pokéball open and its white light formed into a large green chrysalis in front of me. The Metapod blinked and looked at me. I could feel no fear from her. I raised a hand, set it on her head and rubbed gently. Her shell was so hard I wasn't sure if she could feel it.

"How's that?" I asked.

"Metapod."  
_'Good, thank you.'_

I nodded, then looked at her trainer. "She's a very nice Metapod," I told him.

"Y-you can understand her!? W-W-It's a girl? How can you tell?!"

I laughed quietly. "I told you, I had one before…It's just something you pick up."

"…Wow."

I glanced at him, who was now thoroughly impressed, then back to Metapod, who was obviously enjoying my attention.

"You know…your Metapod's not weak, she's just kinda…"

_Trapped._

"…Well, when she evolves, I'm sure she'll be very strong…"

_It'll be free. Not hiding in that shell anymore._

"You really think so?"

"……Yeah."

"Did your Metapod evolve?"

"Huh?…Oh…Yeah…He was great…"

"You don't have him anymore?"

"No…I had to let him go."

"Oh…I'm sorry."

I stood up, suddenly uncomfortable. "That's okay. It was a long time ago."

The kid looked at me, then his Metapod, then his Pokéball. "Hey, um…" He held his Pokéball and a permanent marker out to me. "Can…can I have your autograph?"

Now that surprised me. "Um……Sure."

I took both items from him, but paused before I put the tip down.

_What's my name again…?_

I shook my head. That wasn't important. I asked for his name, then scribbled a quick message for him and his Metapod on the Pokéball and signed as Ash Ketchum. I handed it back to him and added, "Don't give up."

He looked at it and grinned. "Thanks! Haha! Metapod, return!" His Metapod disappeared back into the ball in a beam of red light. "We're gonna go train now," he told me, "and I'm gonna see if I can figure out what she's saying! Thanks again! Bye!"

He left, still grinning. I simply stared at the spot where he'd been standing only a moment before. I heard someone take a step behind me.

"It looks like you've got that old charm back," Misty commented.

I threw her a glare, not a mean one, just a little upset. "What charm?" I asked as if she'd accused me of something wrong, "I just told him the truth."

She gave me an odd, unoffended, but suspicious look. "That's what I meant."

I didn't get a chance to think of a response.

"I think that was very nice of you," Nurse Joy said, "He was upset when he came in earlier with his Metapod so weak and paralyzed, but he looked happy when he left, thanks to you."

"…I guess so."

To be honest, I didn't know what came over me when I saw that kid with his Metapod…In a way, I wondered if I'd really been trying to help them or……me.

"What were you going to tell us, Nurse Joy?" Brock asked her.

"Oh! I almost forgot…Ash? You may have already guessed, but we can't be absolutely certain that you're cured yet. These types of powers are tricky, and as you know, very dangerous to handle if you don't know what you're doing…"

"Yeah…"

"Unfortunately, I can't offer you any more help here at the Pokémon Center. However…" She reached under the desk and pulled out a brochure, which she handed to me. "This lists some of the most renowned psychic training centers in the world. I've heard the best one is in Saffron City, but if you're looking for something a little closer to home, there's also one right here in Viridian and it's definitely one of the best."

"In Viridian…?" Mom asked nervously and snatched the brochure from my hands before I even got a chance to open it. She scanned it quickly. "Oh dear, I don't know…"

I watched her. She looked very worried, and I could probably guess why…

_Mom…_

I turned to Nurse Joy. "Sabrina runs the one in Saffron, right?"

"Uh, why yes, that's correct."

I nodded. "I think I'll go there…"

"Ash are you sure?" Misty asked. When I looked at both her and Brock, I could tell they were thinking about the less appealing memories of that gym.

"Yeah, why not? I trust Sabrina."

"If you…say so…" Brock replied anxiously.

Mom, on the other hand, looked relieved. "We'll call and see if there's an opening for you."

"I'm sure there will be…" I commented, mostly to myself.

Nurse Joy dialed up the number for us on the big video phone behind the desk. The phone was answered by a pretty girl with short hair and tired eyes. I heard a happy but restrained gasp from Brock.

"Saffron Center for Psychic Training. How may I help you?"

"Good morning," Nurse Joy greeted her, bowing, "I have a patient here who seeks assistance from your organization."

"I'm sorry, but you dialed the number for training in _humans_. Would you like to be redirected to an operator in the Pokémon training center?"

"Umm…No, you see, he…is…human……"

The girl blinked, then finally said, "Very well. I'll need his name, address and phone number, and I'll add him to our waiting list." She typed something into a computer off-screen, then continued. "We should be ready to give him the aptitude test in about six months."

"Six months?" Nurse Joy exclaimed, "Oh, that's not really necessary, I'm quite sure he has psychic abilities. Besides, my recommendation is that he begins training right away."

"I'm sorry, but that's impossible. He must take the aptitude test here under the supervision of a Saffron Training official to test degree, skill and potential, and there's a waiting list for that. After all, Saffron is the most sought-after training center of psychic abilities."

"But six months might be too late!"

"I'm sorry, but that's how it works."

"Excuse me?" I spoke up finally. I could see that this was going nowhere. "Could I speak to Sabrina please?"

The girl, who'd probably noticed me for the first time, looked shocked. I knew it wasn't because of my looks because I didn't look that much different from the waist up and that's all she could see because I was on the other side of the desk. "I'm sorry, but Sabrina is a very busy woman. You'd have to make an appointment, if you can even get one. Sabrina doesn't see just anybody."

"Tell her my name is Ash Ketchum."

This shocked the girl even more. "You mean the-?"

"Yeah."

It took her a moment to recover, but she went back to her former demeanor. I blinked as a spoon appeared out of nowhere and floated over her head. "I-I'm sorry, but rules are-Ow!" The spoon whacked her soundly and she rubbed her head. "What was that…?"

We could hear strange Pokémon laughter in the background and she turned around to look for herself. As she did, a more familiar voice came from behind her.

"Kadabra! You apologize right now!"

"Kadakadakada…" she gradually stopped laughing, then said, "Kadabra, ka…" I could hear the grin in her voice.  
_'I'm sorry…'_

The new voice sighed. "Haunter put you up to that, didn't he?"

"Kadabra!"  
_'Of course!'_

"_Haunter_…!"

"…Haun?"  
_'What's wrong?'_

"You know what's wrong!" she snapped.

"Um…Miss Sabrina?" the phone operator asked timidly, "What brings you here…?"

"Hm? Oh yeah! Let me talk to Ash."

"Wha- How did- Er, okay…"

The girl stood up to let Sabrina sit down. Her long, dark green hair had a tousled look to it, and she word a thin, loose, V-neck long-sleeved shirt diagonically separated into a light purple and a light blue side. She gave us a warm smile complemented by her cool blue eyes. Her overall presence was much friendlier than the cold, unfeeling girl we'd first met who tried to turn us all into dolls.

_She…really changed…_

"Hi Ash," she smiled, "It's nice to see you again."

"Yeah, you too."

She giggled. She had a strange giggle, but it was pleasant-sounding. "You know, if you wanted to talk, you should've just called me…but I don't think that's what you want, is it…?" she said, becoming more serious.

"No…it's not…"

"Ash has…a very…unusual…condition…" Nurse Joy spoke up, "It's hard to explain, but…" She glanced at me. I nodded for her to continue. "He…It seems that he's kind of…evolved, and has some attributes of a Pokémon, a psychic one."

She looked much more serious now, especially at the mention of the word "psychic". She looked to me. "You want to come here for help with that, right?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

She nodded back. "Okay. I'll be waiting for you."

"Does this mean you're accepting him?" Nurse Joy asked.

Sabrina smiled. "Of course. I'll give him the test myself."

"Thank you," Nurse Joy said, "Now, if it's not too much trouble, I think it would be helpful if I told you exactly what the problem is and what led up to it…" She glanced at me. "This is all just technical details. You can go now if you want to."

Misty grabbed my arm. "Come on, let's go."

I actually wanted to stay and hear what she had to say, but everyone else was glad to leave, so I didn't argue.

On the way back to the rooms, I stopped to grab a few snacks and brought them with me. We crashed in my friends' room and I ate the snacks.

I sat at the desk while Misty, Brock, and Gary found places to sit among the two lower beds. Professor Oak and Mom sat at the table. Pikachu and Espeon stayed with me. They were all pretty quiet. I guess a lot was happening. It didn't seem like much to me after everything that had come before, but maybe I just hadn't thought about it too hard. I didn't really want to. I knew what this all meant, but I wasn't ready to admit it to myself in words.

I looked at Gary. He was sitting on the farther bed, Umbreon resting his head on his lap, and looking out the window. He looked kinda like he was deep in thought. It almost worried me, because he'd hardly said a word all day. I think the only reason he was here at all was because he was the only one out of all of us with a dark type Pokémon. It must be strange, having to help your ri- _former_ rival, while he's changing so much…Gary probably didn't know what to think.

Brock and Misty were on the other bed. Brock was kind of farther away from me than Misty, sitting at the edge, elbows on his thighs, arms dangling between his legs, staring off into space…or maybe he was asleep. I couldn't tell.

Closer to me, Misty was backed up against the wall, legs bent up in front of her, and Togetic in her arms, but her posture showed she was peaceful, relaxed. She almost looked girlish like that. She was watching me, but I didn't mind. She wasn't staring or antagonistic, just curious. She didn't notice that I was looking at her because she was too busy looking at me.

"It's so nice for all of us to be together like this…" Mom said quietly. In the previous silence, we could her her clearly and turned our attention to her. "It feels like such a long time…" she continued.

I looked away, back to my now empty wrappers on the desk. I shook some crumbs out and tasted them, but they didn't do much for me.

"But I have to go to Saffron…" I whispered.

No one said anything. Either they didn't hear me, or…they knew. I knew now. That was what was on everyone's mind, and now I finally let it sink into mine.

Saffron City…Famous for its psychics and its Pokémon Gym, all made more famous by the great Sabrina. Going there meant…acceptance…of this power…this power I didn't ask for, but had forced on me. Going meant I might not see them…for a long time…It meant, even though I was going for help, I'd really be on my own. A brand new journey, like nothing else before. It would change everything.

"You don't have to go right away," Mom said eventually.

"…Maybe I should," I replied, not looking at her or anyone, but instead searching for more non-existant crumbs.

"I'll go with you," Misty said suddenly, but not too loudly, sounding hopeful.

I actually found a few and sucked on the finger I used to pick them up. "You think they'll let you…?" I wondered.

"I should hope so." She sounded a little offended.

"Maybe…" I said, mostly for the sake of saying something. I really had no idea what I meant by that.

I stroked Espeon's softly furred head. She smiled and leaned into it.

"Ash?" Mom asked after another period of silence. I looked over at her. "I'm very proud of what you did today," she told me.

I cocked my head. "What do you mean…?"

"Going out there, without that cloak, talking to that little boy…I know that took a lot of courage."

I could feel my cheeks redden. It was just like Mom to say something like that in front of everyone. I searched desperately within the last wrapper, finding no crumbs left. "It was nothing," I mumbled. I wasn't sure if they could understand me, because they were quiet again. I finally sighed in annoyance and tossed all my trash in the, well, trash. "I can't stop there," I muttered, still unsure if they could understand me, but it didn't matter. "I can't…They have to _understand_…I have to…show them……what am I……"

I looked at the phone. It was right on the desk right next to me. So easy. I pulled open the desk drawer and took out the phone book.

"Who are you calling?"

"…A wolf."

I found Todd's number easily enough. When you're the world's greatest _anything_, somehow or another, people are going to be able to contact you. Todd made it easy.

"Um…Hello?" came his voice through the receiver. There was no picture, so I figured he must have been on his cell.

"Hey Todd. This is Ash."

"Ash, what are you doing?" Mom whispered from behind me. I ignored her.

"Ash!? Whoa, hi, how're ya doin'?"

"I'm okay," I replied, "Hey, do you think you could do me a favor?"

"Sure, whaddaya need?"

I bit my lip. I knew this wasn't his usual business, but I had to ask someone who _knew_ me, someone I could trust.

"You've got ties to the media right? Maybe some big news show or something?"

"Um…I guess so. Why?"

"…I…" I hesitated there. After I said it, it would get a whole lot harder to back out. I decided to get it over with quickly. "I want to do an interview!" I announced as fast as I could, triggering gasps and general astonishment across the room. "On tv! I want everyone to see me, so…so I can explain…Todd, can you do this for me? Make arrangements?"

"Ash are you sure about this!?" Professor Oak asked. He was standing right behind me now.

"Do you really want me to change my mind?" I growled, not bothering to look back at him.

"I just want you to think it through first!"

"He's right," Mom said, "This is a very sudden decision."

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. They were starting to kind of piss me off.

"They're gonna find out," I whispered, "They're gonna find out anyway…"

When no one could find anything to say, I opened my eyes and looked directly at the blank screen as if I could see Todd hidden behind it.

"So can you do it?" I asked evenly.

"Uh…I'll see what I can do," he replied nervously.

"Thank you…Um, if you can, see if you can get this in Viridian or Saffron…"

"Uh…Okay."

"Thanks again."

"Hey, don't mention it…"

"Well, see ya."

"Bye."

We both hung up, and I turned around to see everyone standing around and staring at me. Well, except for Gary. He was still sitting on the bed, but he was still staring at me anyway.

"Are you _sure_ you're feeling better?" Misty asked, pressing a hand to my forehead.

I brushed her off in annoyance. "I'm _fine_." I glanced around at all of them, still staring and looking unconvinced. "Geez, what's wrong with you guys?" I demanded, "I thought you'd be glad I'm finally doing this!"

They stayed quiet, hesitant. This just built up more anxiety within me. I was making the right decision……wasn't I?

"Y-y-you're right," Mom smiled weakly, "It's not good for you to try to keep hiding…Something good will come out of this, I'm sure…"

I stared at her for a while before finally nodding. "Yeah…" I looked to Professor Oak, who still looked like he was thinking hard about this whole thing. "Professor, you do a talk show with DJ Mary, right?"

"Hm? Oh, why, yes, I do. Why do you ask?"

"Do you think you could ask her to come and do the interview with me…?" I asked, inadvertently letting a hint of nervousness slip into my voice.

"Well, I suppose I could ask," he said, "but she's a _radio_ personality, not a tv one."

"I don't care…" I mumbled.

"I think that's a great idea, Ash," Misty told me, "I'm sure she'll be glad to help you out."

"Really?"

"Of course, _Prince Goldenrod_," she grinned and bowed humbly.

I couldn't help but laugh at that. Both of those radio sessions had been scary while they lasted, but looking back on them, they were actually kind of fun. The fact that she was bowing to me now because of the second one was just silly.

Professor Oak, as well as Mom and Brock, laughed too. "Alright, I'll call and see if she can do anything for such _royalty_."

I grinned and let him take my seat. Mary seemed surprised by his request, but she agreed to help. I was glad for that, because I couldn't think of anyone else I'd want interviewing me…

Now that that was taken care of, everyone seemed to be a little more relaxed about the whole thing. When I was sure they were pretty settled, I stood up and announced that I was going for a little walk. There was still one more thing I had to do…

"What!? But you just got here!" Misty informed me.

I groaned. "I know _that_. I'm not _going_ anywhere, I just want to take a little walk around the Pokémon Center. You know…just to make sure I don't forget how. It's been a while."

"Oh…um…Want me to come with you?" she offered.

"…I'll be okay…" I almost said yes, but I remembered she might not like me going where I was planning to go…

"You sure…?"

"Yes! Geez, can't you have a little faith in me?" Before they could answer, I added, "I'm bringing Pikachu and Espeon."

"Oh, so you can bring _them_ but not me?"

"_Misty_…!" I whined, finally forced to desperate measures. When she just glared at me, I added puppy dog eyes and she finally had to give.

"Fine," she sighed in annoyance, "But you two take care of him, you hear me?"

"Pikachu!"  
_'You bet!'_

"Espeon…"  
_'Me too…'_

"Thanks…" I grinned softly, then left swiftly, with Pikachu on my shoulder and Espeon by my side.

Once outside the room, I went in the direction opposite the lobby, towards the treatment rooms.

"Pikachu…?" Pikachu whispered.  
_'Where are we going?'_

"…You'll see."

Espeon stayed quiet. I wondered if she already knew.

It took a while to get there, but it was surprisingly easy to find. We didn't even run into any Chanseys or Nurse Joy on the way…It was easy to pick out too, even if not for the yellow "CAUTION DO NOT ENTER" tape around it…The wooden door was splintered and only attached to the doorway, which was crumbling, by one hinge. The metal one was melted into the wall.

I stopped at the tape, not because it told me to, but because what little I could see from there already scared me. I _knew _that had to be the room where I…It had to be. I could feel it. Pikachu whispered for us to go back, but I couldn't. Now that I could see a little of what had really happened, I couldn't just turn back. I had to _know_.

I ducked under the tape and walked slowly to the door. Pikachu squeaked and dropped from my shoulder just as I crossed the line. Both he and Espeon tried to tell me to stop, but I didn't listen to them. I decided to go through the wooden door because the metal one seemed to be sealed shut. I'd barely touched it to push it open when it dropped and swung open even further, accompanied by a sickening creak. I stood there staring at it, while it looked ready to just tear in half from gravity alone. I glanced up. The room inside was dark, lit only by the light from the hallway. It seemed messy though…I started to step around the door, but was unsuccessful in avoiding it. I accidentally nudged it with my leg, and that was enough to detach a large part of it which crashed to the ground, stirring up choking dust. I covered my mouth and coughed until it settled back down again. I backed away from the door, almost tripping on something I couldn't distinguish. After a quick check of the wall, I found the light switch, but it was barely recognizable and didn't work anyway.

I gazed around the small room again and quickly realized that it wasn't really _messy_, it was strewn with…rubble. The walls, ceiling, and floor were cracked and falling apart. There was some overturned furniture at the left side that was surprisingly still intact, but dusty. As a matter of fact, the cracks were smaller almost to the point of nonexistence the closer they got to the left side, while the debris formed a sort of divider line between the left and the right.

A look to the right side showed me something else completely. The wall had barely anything left to prove it had even been there in the first place. There was a gaping hole in the middle, and through it I could almost make out another, completely darkened room.

I knew what it meant. Somewhere inside of me, I'd already fitted the pieces together and knew _exactly_ what had happened…but at the moment, I was in a daze. I felt numb. I didn't think about what I was seeing because I was scared of the conclusions I would come to. Unfortunately, I also blocked out the part of me that was screaming to turn back, to run before it was too late, to forget what I was seeing.

Instead, I walked forward, unconsciously picking my way through the broken slabs of concrete and glass shards. I stopped at the separation where the wall had been. As my eyes adjusted to the gloom, and with the help of my Everstone, I could make out simply more of the same, and yet…not. This other room had been stronger than the one I stood in now. The structural damage seemed minimal, but as I stared, I realized I could see the cracks, shining, but that wasn't what caught my attention…because in the center of the room, I could see a crater, deep and wide, while the center remained relatively unharmed.

I felt a wave of dizziness wash over me, but I fought it off, and when I looked up again, I found myself looking through a thick sheet of glass, the wall around it reformed. On the other side of it, a boy crouched, his scream piercing the air as he was surrounded by a brilliant sphere of white and black energy, destroying everything around him. A dark form stood to the side, struggling to keep his eyes on the boy. I continued to watch until I could see nothing but the boy's energy. I heard screams and shouts behind me, but I kept my eyes focused on him. Suddenly, the glass in front of me cracked and shattered, flying through and past me. The screams intensified, but somehow, I knew they were safe. The wall before me didn't last much longer without the glass, concrete and metal crumbling and melting in kind. Vicious cracks snaked and branched through the walls and ceiling, the ground itself breaking apart beneath my feet. I continued to stand there, letting more and more pain rush past me with each passing second. After an eternity, it died down, finally dwindling to a mere feeling in the air. The boy remained in that same spot, unharmed through it all, but it was still too much for him. He fell forward, unconscious, and the black form ran forward to catch him before he hit the ground. The voices behind me called out his name. Their forms soon ran past me to help the boy. As they did, the room again darkened, but I could still hear the voices, only more clearly, just two of them…

"_Pikapi!!_"  
_'_Ash!!_'_

I blinked and stared at the suddenly empty, black room in front of me. With great effort, I turned around to see my Pikachu and my Espeon standing among the rubble by the door.

"Pikachu…?" Pikachu asked quietly when he saw he had my attention.  
_'Are you okay…?'_

I opened my mouth slightly, but I couldn't answer him. I couldn't find my voice.

"…Chu…?"  
_'What happened…?'_

When I still couldn't answer, I looked over my shoulder at the now empty room.

"…I did this, didn't I…?" I whispered, barely able to hear myself.

Pikachu just gazed at me with a look of pity, while Espeon nodded solemnly.

I closed my eyes. I felt weak, like I wanted to cry, but couldn't. I left myself sink to the floor and squatted there, too aftraid to sit because of the glass.

_I did this…I destroyed this place which Nurse Joy thought to be indestructible…That's so much power…that I didn't know I had…If I could do so much, without even trying…what could happen if…_

My thoughts were interrupted by a light bump to my chin. I opened my eyes to see Espeon staring intently at me, a smile dancing in her eyes.

"Speon," she told me simply.  
_'You'll be okay.'_

I hugged her, glad for her warmth. Pikachu climbed onto my shoulder and head and I silently thanked him too.

"Pii pika…" Pikachu suggested softly.  
_'Let's go back…'_

I merely nodded and stood up to leave.


	36. Into The World

A/N: Hi there. Just a few irrelevant things to say here. Umm I guess first I should say, happy bday to me, the big 18.. Oh my. Well by the time most of you read this I will be anyway. In about an hour my time…And um besides that…*thinks* I forget. Oh well. Heh, sorry for the wait, this chappy was kinda hard to write. Stupid writer's block. Well, enjoy, methinks. 'Specially you, Spook. *hugs*  Tat's all *^_^*;;

Chapter 36  
"Into The World"

We were silent on the walk back. I was the only one walking, really. Pikachu rode on my head and I carried Espeon in my arms. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't take my mind off what I had seen in those rooms. I had a bad feeling that for the next few nights at least, my sleeps wouldn't be dreamless.

I opened the door and slipped in, closing it quietly behind me. They were talking to each other. They seemed to be in a good mood. When I came in, they stopped and welcomed me back. I could only look at them.

_They knew…but they didn't tell me…so I had to see for myself._

"What's wrong?" Misty asked when she saw my face.

_But even if they did, does that mean I wouldn't've gone to look anyway?_

"Ash…? Are you okay?" she asked, becoming more anxious as I continued to ignore her and instead crossed to the beds.

I looked at the four of them. "Which one isn't taken?" I asked.

"The one above Gary…"

I nodded, somehow not surprised, and went to the ladder leading to that bed. I let Pikachu and Espeon climb up first, then followed after them.

"Wait, where'd you go?"

"…Nowhere," I replied and dropped onto the mattress, wrinkling the sheets that covered it.

"Are you going to sleep? It's still morning!"

I covered my ears from her insistent questioning. "No, I'm not. I just…I-I need to think…"

I felt something jab at me from under the mattress. Below me, I could hear Gary sneer, "You sure picked a lousy place for privacy."

I just sighed. He was right, but now that I was there, I didn't feel like leaving. Maybe I didn't want privacy…

"Ash, what happened?" Mom asked this time.

"…Nothing, okay? Nothing happened, I just…I told you, I just need to think…"

They were probably really worried, because no one made any cracks about how that would be so difficult since I never practiced or anything. But maybe my whole problem was that I'd been thinking too much these past two months. Thinking too much, and feeling too much…I felt okay this morning when I didn't bother with either of those.

_Is that just what I need to do?_

_But no…I can't let myself forget…about this power, about everything that's made everything go wrong. I'll be putting myself and everyone around me in danger if I do that. I have to be careful of that, especially after what happened……_

_They…they could've died, couldn't they…I almost killed them…but I didn't mean to…They're not angry with me, and I don't know if they're still scared or not…but maybe they should be…_

I opened my eyes. They were being quiet. Respecting my request? I didn't know.

_What are we doing? What am I doing here? Why did I call all those people? Do I really want to tell everyone? Do I have a choice? What will I tell them anyway? I don't really know what I am…just dangerous._

            *  *  *

I had my cloak again. I couldn't believe how quickly this all came together, but somehow it wasn't so surprising. After all, an exclusive interview with the just-retired Pokémon League Champion was sure to draw lots of viewers…and money.

Mary wanted to talk to me before we began with the actual interview, to find out exactly what I was willing to talk about. It was just me, Mary, Mom, Professor Oak, Pikachu, Espeon, and Todd. We were all in some nice room in the Viridian City Broadcast Center. The chairs were plush and leathery. I just wanted to sink down into mine and get stuck. No one had actually _told_ Mary and Todd what we were going to be doing, and I was upset because I didn't really want to be there while they found out. Mary had a notepad out, ready to, well, take notes. Todd was just kinda there so he would know what was going on and not get surprised.

"Ash, sit up straight," Mom hissed at my extremely slouching posture.

I shifted a little to make her happy, but as soon as she looked away, I slid back down. Pikachu was sitting somewhat nervously on the plump arm of the chair, while Espeon half sat, half lay next to me.

Mary kind of laughed. "It's okay, if you're more relaxed that way."

That made Mom look my way again. "Ash!"

I jumped and finally pulled myself up so I was actually sitting.

Mary laughed again. "Let's just get started. Ash, do you know what you want to talk about in the interview?"

"Ummm…Yeah."

She didn't say anything then, just sat there with her pen and notepad. Finally, she glanced up at me again. "_Well_?"

"Huh? O-oh yeah! Um…yeah…uh……"

"Pikachu…" Pikachu sighed.  
_'Just say it…'_

"Spe, espeon," Espeon nodded.  
_'Yes, if you want to.'_

I sighed. They were right.

"Mary…?"

"Yes?"

"You remember, I was…missing…for about a month?"

"Yeah…"

I swallowed. "Well, something happened then…and…that's what I need to tell you about."

            *  *  *

I was scared. I was damn scared. I could care less about all the practice we'd done beforehand. This time was real, and I was really, really scared.

"No, no, no, no! You can't make me! I won't go in there!"

Gary and Misty were making a combined effort to push me through the door to the studio. I had my hands and feet pressed against the door frame and had no intention of letting go. Unfortunately, they didn't have any intention of letting me stay there either.

"Quit being such a baby," Gary growled.

"This _was your_ idea," Misty added.

"I changed my mind!" I cried.

They both rammed into my back again and I struggled to hold my place.

"…Hey, you!" Gary said.

"Brock?" I heard Brock reply.

"Yeah…Help us out here!"

He sighed. "I dunno, maybe we shouldn't force him to…"

"Huh?" I looked over my shoulder, but no sooner did I do that than Misty grinned and _jumped_ on me, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist.

I was lucky to stay standing the entire half second that I did, because she had every intention of knocking me down and the force behind her to do it. We both fell to the floor in a heap with her crushing me quite effectively.

"Ow! _Misty_! What are you doing?!"

"Ha! I got him!" she exclaimed victoriously.

"Get off!" I begged helplessly.

She just giggled and rubbed her fist in my hair.

I heard Gary walk around and then stand in front of us.

"If we let you up, will you _not_ freak out and run away?" he asked.

I peered up at him as best I could. It hurt my neck to look up that high. "Will you both stop tackling me?"

"Yeah."

I slapped Misty lightly with my tail. "Get off already!"

"Hey stop that!" She did get off, but not before taking my tail hostage. I tried to get up fast to take it back, but my balance was off. She just grinned at me while I struggled to my feet.

"What are you doing? Let go!"

"Why?" she asked impishly. She wasn't holding it as tightly anymore, but stilll kept it away from me. Her hand felt strange and warm on my fur…

"Because it's mine!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeees…!"

 "I don't think so…" she chided.

"C'mon leggo…"

I unsuccessfully tried to remove her hands by prying her fingers off and she just watched me but didn't let go.

"Alright Misty, you had your fun…" Brock said finally, "Just let him go already."

"Aww…Fine." She flung it into my face, stunning me for a second before I realized I had it back. I clutched it protectively in case she changed her mind.

Todd, who'd been watching from further within the studio, asked, "Um, are we gonna go through with this or not?"

"That's up to Ash…" Professor Oak replied.

At that, all eyes turned to me, leaving me very uncomfortable. I fiddled with my tail and tried to smooth out my fur.

I really wasn't sure about this whole idea anymore. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but they were all right. I wasn't really thinking about the consequences. Now that I'd had a chance to, I was really scared. If I messed up, or even if I didn't, who could really say it would make a difference what I said, there was no telling what could become of me. I was already well aware of the fact that I was very much a freak by any standards, and I could accept them treating me like one. What scared me was what that kind of treatment might consist of. I knew Professor Oak and Mom would do everything they could to protect me, and I was already planning to go to Saffron after this and I knew Sabrina would take care of me too, but…I was still scared.

"Uhh…"

I looked at all of them in turn, all hopeful, all understanding, all willing to accept…

_…If they can…If they can help me, then I know I'll be safe…_

I nodded. "Let's get started."

I joined Mary on the set. She gave me a reassuring smile, and we both sat down. The chairs weren't nearly as comfortable as the ones we had before. They were still plush, but they were stiffer. I couldn't sink down and hide anymore. The more seconds flew by, the more I wanted to. I glanced at Mary.

"Can Pikachu and Espeon sit with me?" I asked meekly.

"I don't see why not," she replied.

They knew their cue. The two of them bounded from the darkened area in front of the set where everyone else was watching in fold-up chairs. I gratefully hugged the two of them, unwilling to let go. Espeon settled by laying across my lap, but I hugged Pikachu close to me. He didn't complain. They both knew I was scared.

"Are you ready now?" Mary asked.

_Uhh…ready? Me? I-I don't know…I-I thought I was, but…but then…I didn't…and now, and now I, I'm just scared. I don't know._

"Mmmm…" I did something halfway between a shrug and shaking my head, then because it was all that was left, I nodded.

"Okay then." She nodded to Todd and he turned the camera on, with its little red light and the lens all staring at me and recording so everyone could see…and me just sitting there letting it.

_What am I doing…!?_

Mary had been talking, but I hadn't been listening. When she asked me something, it was all I could do to stare at her, unable to think or speak.

"Ash?" she tried again, keeping her professional attitude, "Don't you remember what you were going to tell us?"

_Remember…tell…Tell…them? What…Oh yeah……_

I opened my mouth to speak. I really was going to try. Honest. I just couldn't get my vocal cords to work and my jaw just kind of stuck there and as I was trying to figure out how to get past that, I forgot what I was going to say. In the end, all I was able to get out was a strangled whimper.

Mary stared at me as I silently pleaded for help. She understood and made a swift cut motion to Todd. When the red light faded, I slumped back in the chair as much as I could, but my whole body was still tense. My stomach felt like a hundred Butterfree were in there using Whirlwind. My mouth had finally shut, but now my teeth were clamped tightly together and wouldn't budge. Pikachu squirmed in my arms, but I couldn't let go.

"Are you all right, Ash?"

_No…No…Uh…_

I shook my head. After a moment, she sighed.

"Are you _sure_ you want to do this…?"

I jerked my head up.

_What? They're asking this again? Why? I thought…I _thought_ I was…but I thought a lot of things…and nothing at all…_

She used a more gentle voice now, like she was talking to a child. "Are you scared?"

_Yeah, definitely._

I tried, but I still couldn't get out anything more than a whimper. I buried my face in Pikachu's back, unable to cray as well, but feeling like I might as well have been.

My ears pricked at the sound of footsteps coming my way. When they stopped, I reluctantly raised my head. It was Professor Oak. I shifted a little, mostly to make Pikachu more comfortable without actually letting go, then waiting expectantly for whatever the professor had to say. He cleared his throat and looked down at me, obviously a little uncomfortable himself.

"…You don't have to do this you know," he sighed finally.

_I don't…?_

He waited, then continued. "No one's forcing you but yourself. All you have to do is say so, and you can stop…"

_…Stop?_

He bent down so he was eye level with me. "Ash, did you hear me?"

I squeezed Pikachu's paw, and after a moment, he squeezed back. He looked up at me, black-brown eyes full of compassion…and pity.

_You pity me…? I…I am…pitiful…aren't I…?_

"Did you hear me Ash?" Professor Oak asked.

I nodded.

"……Well, what do you say…?"

_I don't have to do this? He says I don't have to. But is he right…? What if I do? If-If I stop, what will happen? What I shouldn't, but do? What…What am I supposed to do…?_

I looked around at all of them. They were looking at me, waiting, patiently, for the most part. I think they all thought they knew what I was going to say. They thought I wanted to stop. Maybe I did…I, I felt that way…but…no. There was something else. Something……

_I have to._

"I have to." I could barely hear my own faint whisper, but I knew, and they knew, that I had said it.

"Er- What?" Professor Oak stammered.

I raised my head to look him directly in the eyes. "I have to…" I repeated softly.

"A-are you sure?!"

_How can I be sure, Professor? Do I look sure to you?_

"…Doesn't matter."

"Ash…"

"I _can't_ be sure…but…it doesn't matter, because either way I have to do _something, so…"_

"…But _can_ you do this?" he asked seriously.

_…That…We'll have to see……_

"I can try…"

He sighed again. "If you say so…" He turned and gave a sort of shrug to everyone else before joining them again. I glanced at Mary, then at Todd, but what I saw was the camera, with its single unblinking eye, blank and staring. It was more than just an eye though. It had the ability to share all its sights with the rest of the world, a world's eye. It was looking at me.

_I'm going to do this aren't I…?_

I closed my eyes and breathed in. My hand touched something cold, chilling. My Everstone. I didn't even now that I'd reached for it. I didn't care. It still felt nice and soothing. Calm…I waited for the cold to fill me, then opened my eyes. It was okay now. I had nothing to be afraid of. I had my Everstone, and my friends. As long as I had them, everything would be alright.

I looked at Mary. "I'm ready."

She nodded once at me, her smile not as prominent, then shortly at Todd. He gave her the count and turned the camera back on. She gave her little introduction again, then handed the focus over to me.

I stared back at the camera, still black and hollow and all-seeing.

_I won't back down. Not now. Not later. We're going to do this._

"H…H-h-hi…" I stammered, then I realized I hadn't said nearly enough and forced myself to go on. "I……um…"

_You can do this, Ash. Come one…Just say it, then we can go……Okay…Here we go._

"Uh…B-before…Uh……Before I l-left Pallet…with-without telling anyone…I…I had been very, um…sick. That's right, I was sick. Uhhh…Oh yeah. I…um…That's why I left. Be-because I was still sick. So…um…I-I know it doesn't make any sense yet, but….you'll see…" I tightened my grip on my Everstone, letting the ice bite into my hand. "I…I had to leave…and when I did, I thought I couldn't come back…but I did, because…because I wanted to…but, the reason I had to stay in the first place was because……I…um………" My voice quavered to nothingness and I glanced at Mary for help.

"Um, why don't you tell us what happened, Ash?" she suggested.

_That's what I was _trying_ to do!_

"Uh, sure…um…Okay…You see, I……"

_Just _say_ it!_

I swallowed and did just that, except the words came out small and choked.

"I evolved."

There was a pause, then Mary asked me, "Could you repeat that? I'm not sure if the camera picked it up."

_Please don't make me…_

I stared at the camera.

_You'd better pick this up._

"I…I evolved!" I almost shouted. I'd just been trying to speak louder, but it came out as a shout, harsh and desperate. I ducked my head, afraid to look at evereybody, even though I knew they all already knew…except for the camera. I knew no one else could see what it saw yet, but they would…they would…

"Do you want to keep going?" Mary whispered.

_No._

I nodded without looking up.

She took up her professional tone again. "Can you explain what you mean by this?"

…We'd practiced, so I knew she was going to ask that. It didn't make it any more bearable.

I opened my eyes and stared at the floor while I talked. "…I evolved just like a Pokémon…into…something new. I…" I hesitated there. Professor Oak had warned me about using the word 'Mew', because while people may recognize the name as legendary, they probably wouldn't know what Mews look like unless they'd spent time studying legendaries, which I couldn't do anything about.

"I guess I have to show you…" I mumbled.

Espeon met my eyes, crystalline, before hopping off my lap so I could stand up. I let Pikachu take my place on the chair. When I was alone I found myself staring at friends, far away in the darkness, me here in the light. I could quit. Just run out to them and save myself, but I didn't. Instead I watched them watch me, their faces anxious, doubtful, concerned, helpless, mindful. They didn't believe I could or should be doing this. Neither did I. But I was anyway.

Next the camera. I'd give it a sight to see, that's for sure…it and and the rest of the world.

I removed my cloak and carefully hung it over the back of the chair. I noticed when I was done, the very air seemed to have gone silent. Not even the machines continued their monotonous humming. It was like the world itself was holding its breath.

I couldn't remember what I was supposed to say next. It seemed like forever until Mary realized that.

"That's amazing," she said softly, "…and you don't know why or how it happened?"

"No," I answered tersely. It was something of a lie, but it was a necessary one.

"How fascinating," she said, sounding interested. It wasn't anything like her real initial reaction, but that's why we'd practiced. "Were there any other changes besides your tail?"

"Yes…" I used my free hand to move my hair away from my ear. After a few seconds, I smoothed it back down again. As my hand passed eye level it reminded me of its own change and I closed it briefly before deciding to pass on it. "Um…my hair changed color too, but you can't really tell because I dyed it back."

"How about anything not physical, like special powers?"

_Here's another lie…_

"A little…" I looked down, "It's…affected my battling too."

"Is that why you retired?"

"Yes."

"Why did you choose to go public about this now instead of then?"

"I wasn't comfortable going public yet…but um, well as you know I…had an accident and was hospitalized for a few days. When I was released I realized that it would be impossible for me to keep my evolution a secret forever, because of stuff like that that I can't control, so I thought it would be best to get it out now instead of letting it get out of hand later on…"

She nodded in agreement. "I think you made a wise decision, Ash."

"…Thank you…"

"Is there anything else you'd like to add?"

This was where I was supposed to explain that I wasn't a freak, even though I was…

"…No."

"…Are you sure?"

"…Yeah."

"Oh…Well then, that concludes this interview!" She t urned to the camera, thanked it for joining us, and said a lot of other things that didn't matter.

I let my mind drift as everyone else started to wind down. I knew my presence wasn't needed anymore, so I left. It's not that I wanted to leave, or was even really thinking about leaving. I justk ind of…left. I had too much else on my mind to worry about what I was doing…I wandered blindly through the hallways, my legs numbly carring me to my destination. All else was irrelevant. The impact of what I'd just done followed me like a shadow.

_I really did it…It's done…Now all that's left is time…and soon the world really will know…I…hope it's for the best…but I didn't really have any other choice…Yes, it has to be for the best…It's too late to turn back now…Almost…I still could cancel the airing, but after all the trouble we went through…No, I can't do that. I just have to accept it…Yeah…_

Outside, the sun hid behind a layer of clouds, leaving the weather a little cooler than usual. I closed my eyesas a soft breeze brushed past me, cool and refreshing, carrying with it scents of the city…tar, junk, dust…Well, maybe it wasn't that refreshing.

I looked at the buildings and pavement around me, really looking for the first time since the interview. It reeked of humans and their greed.

_This…This is the life I chose to return to…?_

"Aaash!!" Misty growled, sounding very irate.

"Pikapi!" Pikachu called too, more worried than angry.

_So that's why…I knew that._

I half-turned to look at them. Misty was leading, fists clenched and sneakered feet stomping towards me. Pikachu, Espeon and Togetic trailed a safe distance behind her.

"Just what do you think you're doing!?" Misty demanded.

"Uh…I……"

I didn't really know. What was I supposed to tell her?

"You can't just _leave like that! It was like you just wandered off and couldn't even hear us!"_

"Oh…"

_Maybe because I did…?_

She stopped scolding me to take a second to look me in the eyes. Hers, aqua blue, bore into me, trying to sense my own feelings. I could do nothing.

"Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh…Yeah, I…I guess I just needed some air…" I glanced away.

"You could've _told us that you know."_

I chuckled nervously. "Oh yeah."

She sighed and hid a grin. "What are we gonna do with you…?"

            *  *  *

We were no more than ten feet out of Viridian when a huge cage dropped down over us and three figures jumped down in front of it. They cleared their throats.

"Prepare for trouble, you're behind bars!"

"Make it double, now we'll be the stars!"

They were interruped by a loud yowl by their feet. "_Wow! Lookit dat twoip!"_

Meowth was promptly stomped on by Jessie and James.

"Don't interrupt the motto!" Jessie snarled.

"It's the only thing we do right!" James added, and was rewarded by a punch to the face from Jessie.

"Wobbuffet!!"

"It is not! We're also the world's most fabulous dressers!"

"Wooobbuffet!"

"Oh my yes," James agreed wide-eyed while rubbing his cheek, "I almost forgot!"

"Wobba…"

"How could you forget!?"

"Would youse two _shut up and listen to Meowth!!?" Meowth screeched and Fury Swiped both of their faces._

"_Why should we listen to you!!??_"

"Woooooobbuffett!"

After they were done giving Meowth a beat down and Jessie recalled Wobbuffet, they finally turned back to us. "Now where were…"

They blinked in unison. After about two seconds of silence, James spoke up.

"Is it just me, or is there something different about the twerp?"

"Could…be…"

"He's got a freakin' tail!!" Meowth politely informed them.

"Oooohhhhh…" they 'oh'-ed in unison.

After about three more seconds…

"WHAT!?!?"

…they all began freaking out.

The rest of us just watched them for a moment.

"Why do I get the feeling that these guys really aren't much of a threat to us?" Gary asked.

"Maybe because they aren't…" I replied. "Espeon?"

"Spe!"  
_'Yes!'_

I nodded. Her eyes narrowed and glowed blue, and soon the rest of her body did too. The cage surrounding us shone white for a second and disappeared. It reappeared covering Team Rocket, who immediately stopped panicking and stared at their new accomodations in surprise.

"Okay, let's go," I told everyone. They nodded and we simply walked around Team Rocket. The three of them ran to the side closest to us and clutched the bars.

"Wh-wh-what are you doing!? You can't just leave us here!" Jessie cried.

"Aren't you even going to blast us off!?" James inquired.

"Wobbuffet!"

I stopped and stared at them. "Do you really want me to?"

They blinked, glanced at each other, then viciously shook their heads at me.

"Then everything's okay!" I smiled at them and we continued on our way.

            *  *  *

We went back to Pallet so I could pack things for my stay in Saffron. I was only bringing two Pokémon, Pikachu and Espeon, who was now in her Pokéball. She wasn't too fond of heights, and I didn't know if there would be enough room for all three of us anyway.

I climbed to the top of our ash tree, with Pikachu on my shoulder, despite the protests of _everyone and my own misgivings about the idea. At least it was dry and light outside. Still, I was extremely careful as I made my way up. When I was high enough, I seated myself on the sturdiest branch, took a deep branch, and cupped my hands around my mouth._

"PIIIIDDGGEEOOOOOOOTTT!!!!"

"PIIIIKAAAACHUUUUUU!!!"

We waited, the only sound was the wind blowing through our ears.

"Pidgeot!!" came a sharp cry in the distance.

I grinned. "She heard us, Pikachu."

"Pikachu."  
_'Yup.'_

I heard something like the clap of thunder, and seconds later, a large brown blur zoomed past us, knocking leaves off the tree. Pikachu and I struggled to keep our hold. Not long after, Pidgeot swooped around again, much slower this time. I could see a smile at the corner of her beak.

"Pidgeot?"  
_'What's up?'_

"Gotta make a trip…" I told her as she circled around the tree.

"Pidgeoo?" she cooed as she landed on a nearby branch, "Pidgeot?"  
_'A trip? Where to?'_

"Saffron."

"Geeot? Pidgeot."  
_'Really? That's kind of far.'_

"I know. That's why I'm asking you."

"Pidg! Pidgeot!" she laughed, spreading her wings while she did. She folded them back up and smiled warmly at me. "Pidgeoot?"  
_'Right! Good choice! Are we leaving now?'_

"If that's alright with you."

"Pidggeot. Pidgeot!"  
_'Of course it is. Let's go!'_

I was careful climbing over to the branch where she sat, then onto her back and held on tight.

"Pidgeot," I whispered, "can I say goodbye first?"

"Ggeot."  
_'Of course.'_

She flapped twice to get off the branch, then glided down to where everyone else was standing. I slid off her back and looked at them, unsure where to start.

"…I……"

Someone warm took my hand. I stared down at our hands for a second before looking up  see Mom smiling sadly at me. When our eyes met, she wrapped her arms around me and embraced me tightly, but without squeezing me. I…did the same.

"Ash, you be good, all right? Don't give Sabrina any trouble."

"I won't."

"And be careful too. Don't do anything dangerous."

"I know."

"…And don't forget…"

I raised an eyebrow. "Forget what?"

"Oh, you know."

"…Huh?"

"_You know_…" she said pointedly, trying not to grin.

"I do…?"

She nodded and glanced down several times before I realized she was trying to point something out to me. I looked down but didn't see anything.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh just under there."

"Under where?"

She just smiled at me and it took a moment for me to realize what I'd just said.

"_Mom!!!_"

She laughed while others groaned and I could feel myself blushing furiously.

"I'm just kidding Ash…" she told me sweetly.

I couldn't think of a polite way to answer that, so I said nothing.

Professor Oak spoke next. "If you notice anything unusual, I want you to call me about it right away."

"Uh…Okay."

"That's right," Mom added, "I want you to call me every day."

"Uhh…I guess so."

"Don't forget, we'll be waiting for you when you come back," Brock smiled.

"So don't do anything stupid that I'll have to hit you for," Misty said pleasantly."

"I-I won't."

Gary was the only one who still had to say something. "Eh…" He shrugged. "Everyone else took all the good advice." He looked me in the eye and smirked. "Smell ya later, Ashy-boy."

"Heh…Goodbye, Gary…Professor. Mom. Brock…Misty…"

I lingered on her, and she closed the gap between us quickly.

"I know it doesn't count now, but-" she told me before she kissed me.

I was in shock at first, but I gathered enough of my sense to kiss back, even though I knew, I knew I shouldn't…My senses made me enjoy it too.

We pulled back too soon. She smiled at me, eyes full of hope.

"…maybe we can make it count?" she whispered.

_No…No, no, please don't bring this up now…_

I gritted my teeth. How was I supposed to say that to her!?

_There's only one way._

"…Not yet," I whispered back, "I…I'm not ready yet…I'm sorry."

"…Oh."

I hated it. I hated the way her voice dropped, how her eyes turned down, how her grip loosened. I hated it, but I had no choice…

I squeezed her hands. "I gotta go now…"

When she didn't reply, I moved away, back to Pidgeot, and climbed on. I gave her a little nudge in the back and she walked forward. I stopped her by Brock.

"Hey…Take care of her for me, okay?" I whispered so no one else could hear.

He smiled knowingly. "You got it, man."

"Thanks…" I turned to everyone and waved. "Goodbye." They waved back, arms loosely moving back and forth. I turned back around. "Let's go Pidgeot."

"Pidgeot!"

She didn't need much of a running start. A few flaps and we were airborne and Saffron-bound.


	37. Welcome To Saffron

A/N: Wow, I'm sorry for the insanely long wait! Real life was kind of being a total bummer, but don't worry anymore folks. I GUARANTEE that the next chapter will be up before you can say Zapdos. *sweatdrops* Or something to that effect. Ahem. Without further ado, I bring you…Chapter 37. The title's right there. *points down* Err…Yeah I think I'll shut up and let Ash take over now. That's what you're here for right? *^_^*;;

Chapter 37  
"Welcome To Saffron"

I leaned into Pidgeot's soft feathered back. The ground below was dizzying to look at, so I didn't want to. I was still scared…I knew I was safe with Pidgeot, but…

"Pidge, pidge, pidgeot?" Pidgeot asked.  
_'So why are you going to Saffron?'_

"…To see Sabrina…"

"Pidgeot?"  
_'The scary psychic lady?'_

"She's not _that_ scary…"

"Pidgeoo…Pidgeot, pidgeo? Pipidgeot?"  
_'If you say so…So why are you going?'_

"I……She's gonna help me with…I…um…"

"Pidgeoo…"  
_'It's not like you're psychic or anything…'_

"Uh, actually…I…kinda…eheh…"

"……Pidgeot?"  
_'What?'_

"Chu chyuu pikachu."  
_'He's part Mew.'_

"Pidgeot!? Geoo?"  
_'What!? You mean that's real?'_

"Uh, well…"

"Kachu."  
_'Sure is.'_

"…Geoo…"  
'…_Wow…'_

"…It's…not _that_ big of a…"

"Pika??" Pikachu exclaimed in amusement and surprise.  
_'What?'_

"Uh, well…I mean……"

"Pikapika pikachu, pikachu!?"  
_'You've been going crazy over this and now you say it isn't a big deal!?'_

"Erm…Well, no…I mean…I…Okay fine. Yes…It's a really big deal…but…I don't know…"

"Pika…chu?"  
_'It's not a bad thing?'_

"What?"

"Pikapika, chu, pikachu. Pikaah?"  
_'It's still big, but it isn't as bad anymore. Isn't that what you're  trying to say?'_

_It's not as…bad? Is that true…?_

I stared at my little yellow mouse, and he gave me a cheeky little grin over his shoulder. How could he sound so wise and so simple at the same time…?

"Uh…I……Maybe……"

_I don't know if it could ever really stop being a bad thing, but maybe it _can_ be…less of one? Is that possible…_

"Geoot…" Pidgeot cooed softly.  
_'We're here.'_

I glanced over her wing and immediately regretted it. We were still a _lot_ higher than was comfortably safe…

"Pidgeot pidgeo?"  
_'You want to go to the gym right?'_

"Yeah…"

She circled around for a little longer before asking, "……Pidgeott…?"  
_'Which one is it?'_

I looked over again to point it out, but that just wasn't a good idea.

"Pikachu," Pikachu said for me.  
_'There it is.'_

"Geot."  
_'Got it.'_

She started circling around to land, but slowly.

"Piii…dgeot?  
_'I don't see why being a Mew could be a bad thing…'_

"I don't want to be."

"Geo?"  
_'Why not?'_

"…I just don't……" I sighed.

She stopped asking and drifted down to land in the grass in front of the gym. As we got close, I could feel a strong…presence…no, many presences. Their cumulative power sounded together like a deep humming that could only be felt. It set off a dull ache in the corner of my brain.

When we landed, Pikachu jumped to the ground, but I was slower. That power…it was…

"Welcome."

"Haauunter!"  
_'What she said!'_

We started and looked to our right. Sabrina stood there smiling at us, and Haunter was floating there with his huge grin. But…they weren't there just a second ago…

"S…Sabrina?"

"Mmhm," she nodded, "I'm glad you made it here safely."

"Ha-haunta-er!" Haunter grinned.  
_'Yes, but now you're in trouble because you're here!'_

"…Huh…?" What Haunter said didn't make much sense to me…

"Haunter, stop it! You're scaring him!"

"Haunter, haun!"  
_'Well this place _is_ haunted!'_

"By a clown…" she sighed.

"Haun haunter," Haunter corrected, holding up all three fingers of one hand.  
_'Three clowns.'_

"Three…?" I echoed.

Two purple shadows materialized around Haunter and Sabrina, with ghostly cries of "Gaaasstly!" and "Gengaar!" They spun around with Haunter and laughed.

I blinked. "Are those…?"

"Familiar to you? Yes. When they tore down the Pokémon Tower in Lavender Town, Haunter invited these two to come and stay here. So now the whole comic trio is together under one roof again. I even built them a little theater so they can perform for everyone here!"

The three ghosts erupted in laughter at that, and Sabrina giggled too. I didn't get it.

I felt Pikachu jump onto my back then climb up to my shoulder. At my other side, Pidgeot nuzzled my cheek.

"Pid, pidgeo…?" she murmured.  
_'Am I done here?'_

I turned to her, her soft brown eyes met mine. I rubbed the side of her neck and she closed them in pleasure.

"You're not tired?" I asked.

She opened one eye and I could tell she was smiling. "Pidg pidgeot? Pidgeot."  
_'Are you kidding? That was nothing.'_

After a moment, I nodded. She was right. "Alright…Give my regards to everyone back home."

"Pidgeoot…"  
_'Of course.'_

I stepped back. "Goodbye…Take care of yourself."

"Geeot."  
_'You too.'_

"Uh-…I will."

Satisfied, she spread her wings and looked to the sky. I braced myself against the strong downdraft she created when she took off. When I could look up again, I saw her circle once above me. I waved and she dipped a wing response before flying away, disappearing quickly over the horizon. I kept watching anyway. Maybe I wasn't sure that I really wanted to turn around. After all, with Pidgeot cond, I…had no choice.

_I hope this is for the best…_

"Ash?"

I turned. She was alone now. The ghosts had…left apparently. Sabrina didn't seem to mind. In face she seemed…well…_perky_. I guess. It was very strange to see.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Why don't we get you settled?" she suggested, "You brought your stuff, didn't you?"

"Yeah…"

"It's good then!" she declared.

_It's good? Get settled…? But I thought…_

"Don't you need a place to stay?"

I blinked. "Well, yeah, but…"

"Then we should take care of that first! Come on."

She beckoned me to follow her, so I stepped forward, even though she herself wasn't going anywhere. When I was a few feet away, her eyes flashed white bue and something heavily light set over me. My senses went white, spinning away from me and leaving me lost. When they returned, we were no longer in front of the gym. That teleport left me more than a little disoriented, but at least I could tell that much. Instead, we were in some house. Sabrina still stood the same distance in front of me, and Pikachu was still clinging to my shoulder.

"Welcome to my home," Sabrina grinned.

_What?_

"Your…house…?"

"Yep."

It was a big house, I could tell that much. The predominant colors seemed to be forest green and white. It had a very homely atmosphere, but it couldn't feel like home. Maybe because it wasn't mine.

Sabrina called over her shoulder. "Father! Mother! Ash is here!"

A white energy appeared by her side and as it did that ache grew back, then faded as the formed into her parents.

I stepped back, unsure what to make of their entrance. "Uh…"

"Ah, so you're finally here," her father said.

"Sabrina's been excited since you said you were coming," her mother smiled. Her arm was linked with her husband's, maybe so she wouldn't end up falling after that teleport…

"Um, yes well. Ash, these are my parents. You met them before, I believe," Sabrina said hurriedly.

"Uh, yeah…"

"Okay. You can all catch up later. Ash, why don't you come with me?" 

Before I had a chance to reply or even ask her not to do what she did, she'd teleported us to…my room, I guess. It tilted a little but then went back to normal.

"You can stay here," she said, "I thought you might prefer it over staying at the gym or a hotel."

Green was again the dominant color, maybe darker than before, or maybe because the light wasn't on. The sun shone in through a dully shaded pale curtain covering the window over the bed, but didn't light the whole room. The furniture was mostly dark stained mahogany. The bedsheets were a soft pale mauve, an unusual color in the green room.

"So what do you think?" Sabrina asked.

"Uh…It's nice…Thank you. You didn't have to-"

She giggled to interrupt me and quickly waved it off by saying, "Don't worry about it. I'm glad to have you. Now please make yourself at home. I'll be downstairs when you're ready." With that, she was gone.

"…Why does she keep doing that…?" I wondered out loud. It was already starting to annoy me.

"Pikachu…" Pikachu hopped off my shoulder and started sniffing around and exploring the room.  
_'Beats me…'_

I stared at the bed and the bright block of light shimmering and falling on it, while my mind wandered off on its own. A passing cloud dimmed it away and I blinked.

"Hey Pikachu, can you hit the lights?" I asked without looking back.

I walked to the bed and set my backpack on it while Pikachu got the light on. After he did, he scampered back over the plush carpet and leapt onto the bed. He landed on his belly and sank into the airy cushioning. It reshaped at little after the initial shock, but I could tell Pikachu was enjoying its fitting. He let out a happy sigh to prove it.

It didn't take me long to unpack. Years of travel had made me an expert on traveling light, and I didn't really know how to do otherwise. When all of my clothes just barely filled one drawer of the big old dresser in the room, I began to realize that I might have underpacked. The fact that I didn't have _anything_ to put in the closet besides my backpack, which Mom had bought rather hastily when she found out my old one had been kind of…destroyed, really clued me in.

Pikachu was excited about the bathroom. I think he was eager to pretend the bathtub was a hot tup or a swimming pool like he did this one time at a Center…and got me in some trouble because he didn't think to turn the water back _off_…

When we were done exploring, I sat back down on the bed, sinking into it. It was a really nice room. It looked better with the light on. Warmer. It was a lot bigger than my room back home or any Pokémon Center room I'd stayed in.

Aside from the bed, there was a nice, tall, gray-white lamp, another little gray-white lamp on a little table by the bed, a desk, and a full length mirror in the corner. The mirror bothered me. I hadn't actually looked in it, but I did see that it was a little dusty, unlike everything else in the room. I dismissed the dust as a good thing, but I still didn't like the mirror there.

"I guess we should go downstairs," I told Pikachu. A second glance and I realized I didn't know where he was. "Pikachu?"

"Pika," he said.  
_'Right here.'_

His voice came from below me and when I looked down I saw his head and paws sticking out from under the bed. He smiled and climbed all the way out, then jumped up to sit next to me.

"Don't do that," I sighed.

"Kachu…"  
_'Sorry.'_

"It's alright…Come on, let's go."

I stood up and he followed me out the door.

It was a lot brighter out in the hallway. The walls were white instead of green, the light fixtures glimmered like gold in the sunlight only slitted by blinds.

We wandered in search of the way down while I grumbled to myself about the overuse of Teleport I'd seen in the first five minutes of my visit here. After a couple minutes of walking, I realized I'd come to this same brown unlit hallway before. Hallway was an overstatement. It was just a little passage with one door at the end and no lights or windows. Pikachu sighed and sat down, bored with this whole deal. I was too, but…that door…I wondered what could be behind it…

I lifted my hand to turn the knob…

"Ash."

I yelped and spun around. A tall black silhouette stood behind me, shadowed by the light from the adjacent hallway. I backed away, even when I started to realize who it was, I didn't feel any better.

"S…Sabrina?" I quavered, just to make sure more than anything. I didn't really have anywhere to run except through that door, but I didn't know what was in there.

She made a sound that sounded halfway between a sigh and a laugh. "Did you get lost?" she asked, the coldness fading.

"Uh…Y-yeah…"

She nodded. "I'm sorry. I forgot you…can't teleport yet."

_Yet…?_

"I should have shown you how to get around here first."

"Uh…That's okay…"

I still had my back to the door, and the ensuing silence made me uneasy.

"There's nothing in there," Sabrina said. It seemed sudden, but the sharp coldness in her voice reminded me of the first time we'd met…

"Uh…What…?"

"Behind you," she said plainly, "There is nothing in that room."

"…Oh…"

I could almost make out a smile on her darkened face. Her voice lost its edge and was replaced by that same warmth she'd greeted me with earlier. "Follow me if you want to get out of here."

She turned around and walked away. The light gradually fell over her long green hair as she did. When she turned the corner and disappeared, I realized I was losing my guide, so I hurried after her.

I tried to pay attention to where we went to go downstairs, but I had the feeling it wouldn't help much in the long run because we never passed my room…I think…

Once I was following her, she started talking to me, but she never looked back once to make sure I was still there or even listening. I guess she didn't need to…

She spoke calmly and confidently, but somehow managed to maintain a friendly bounce in her voice. It didn't help me too much in getting over her intimidating presence at that dark door though…

"I know you're going to find it hard at first, but you'll get used to it. If you ever need anything, you just have to ask me. The house _is_ kind of big, and we've got those three ghosts coming and going as they please. If they give you any trouble, let me know and I'll make sure it doesn't happen again. They mean well and I've heard they're quite fond of you, so I wouldn't worry too much. They just sometimes forget that the rest of us are flesh and blood beings and pranks that are fun for ghosts aren't as fun for anyone else.

"Oh and if for any reason you can't get a hold of me, Mother and Father should be able to help you. You're our guest after all.

"Well, I'm probably worrying over nothing." She glanced back and smiled at me. "I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay here, Ash."

I blinked, surprised that she'd actually addressed me directly. "Um…I hope so."

She seemed satisfied with that and continued to lead me. Around the next corner was a staircase that we took down to the first floor and soon ended up back at the front door.

Sabrina stopped there and turned to me with a small grin. "You know your way to the gym, right?"

I blinked. "Um…Maybe…It's been a while…"

"Hm…Well. Do you want to walk then?"

"…Walk?"

"Yes."

"Uhhh…"

I didn't know if I was ready for that yet. My interview hadn't been aired yet, wouldn't be for almost a week. I didn't want to know how well that would go over…not anytime sooner than I had to…

_Sabrina…She hasn't even mentioned it yet. I'm sure she noticed it, but…Why hasn't she said anything yet…?_

"Is something wrong?"

I jerked my head up. "Huh?"

She smiled and gently asked, "Would you rather we teleport there?"

_Instead of walk…? Yes…_

"Um…Sure…"

She placed her hand on my shoulder. I flinched a little. There was something about…

After the teleport, that same feeling from when I first arrived came back, only stronger, and it didn't really fade away. My head…

"Do you want to look around first?"

I could hear her voice and I understood her, but I was having trouble focusing…

_This is just like…_

"Are you alright?"

"…I don't…"

"It's kind of like a mini jet lag," she said, "It's from the teleport. You'll get used to it."

_I don't know if that's…_

"Let's go."

She started down the hallway so I followed after her, even though that feeling wasn't going away. Pikachu kept pace with me. The gym hadn't changed very much since I last saw it. Maybe it was a little brighter. It was hard to tell.

Sabrina showed me a lot of places. I tried to pay attention, but that presence just seemed to be getting stronger…

She stopped after a while and turned to me. "That's about it for now. If you want I could test you right now."

_So now it comes…I was starting to wonder…_

"But we can wait until later if you want. You look tired to me."

"I do?" I asked in surprise. I knew I kind of felt that way, but… "But I thought you…I…we were gonna…uh…"

"Do you want to do it now?" she asked, that cold hinting in her voice again.

"Um…I don't…know…"

"Well, if you're not sure, it might be best to wait. I don't think you're ready yet."

"…Then why did we come here?"

"…Why wouldn't we?" she questioned, looking me straight in the eyes. "What if you were ready but we didn't come?"

I scratched my head. That seemed like a trick question… "We'd be doing it tomorrow?" I guessed.

"Yes…" she nodded, "But Nurse Joy asked me to at least test you as soon as possible."

"Then why wouldn't we do it now…?" I asked, getting a little exasperated.

"You don't seem ready to me," she said simply, "Do you think you're ready?"

_…No, I don't think I'll ever be…_

After I didn't answer, she asked, "How do you feel right now, Ash?"

"…Huh?"

"Do you feel okay?"

_No. My head still hurts…_

"…I…That…'jet lag' hasn't gone away yet…" I mumbled.

"It hasn't?"

"No…Actually, I…I don't think that's what it is. I felt this before…when…in the hospital…before I…"

_I'm scared._

I wasn't looking up, so I didn't see her approach. I flinched when she put her hand on my forehead, but relaxed after the pain started to numb. It didn't go away. I could still feel it hiding there, but it stayed numb. She took her hand off.

"How about now?"

"…I…I feel better…Thank you…"

She nodded, smiling. "What do you think now?"

"Huh…?"

"Do you think you're ready?"

"…Maybe…But, um…Sabrina?"

"Yeah?"

"…What was that? That…feeling…?"

"…The power?" she asked softly.

"…If that's what it was…"

"…You seem to be highly sensitive towards it. Too much of that is dangerous…That's why you're here, isn't it?"

"…I guess so…"

"Do you want to start now?"

_…start…_

"……Okay…"

"You don't have to," she reminded me.

"…Yeah, I know…I…I want to."

_…get it over with…_

"Alright," she straightened up and gave me that strange smile of hers, "Let's go." She glanced at Pikachu. "Oh, could you wait outside please? We can't have any disturbances while testing."

"Piika?" Pikachu repeated distastefully.  
_'Disturbances?'_

"I don't she meant it personally…" I reassured Pikachu.

Meanwhile, Sabrina turned around entered the room behind her. I could tell she wasn't going to wait for me still, so I followed quickly, but nervously. The door shut loudly behind me.

The room wasn't big at all. The walls were painted a pale, sick-looking yellow. There was just a little more than enough room for the small table, two chairs in the middle, and what looked like a toybox in the corner. Sabrina sat down in one of the chairs, and the one across from her pulled out for me. I sat down stiffly and held onto the edges of the seat while staring at the table. The furniture was all wood, old and worn. The table surface almost looked battle-scarred…

Sabrina folded her hands over each other and set her arms on the desk, a very business-like gesture if I didn't know better. She was smiling still, but it was no longer comforting.

"Just so that you have an idea about what's to come, let me go over this briefly. We're going to try a series of tests just to try to see where your greatest potentials lie. They're different from person to person, and don't worry if it seems like nothing's happening in any of them. I'll probably see things that you aren't."

_I'm more worried that something _will _happen._

I blinked. "…Huh?"

"Uh…Nevermind." She lowered her left hand and the toybox opened up on its own. A small deck of cards floated out and landed in her hand. "We'll start off simple," she told me. She slid the cards out of the well-worn box. "All you have to do is guess the cards." She started shuffling them, but then they shuffled themselves. She looked at me. "Do you have to look at them?" she asked in that monotone voice.

"Uh…I-I don't know."

She nodded. "We'll find out." The cards settled into a single stack she laid out five face down on the table. "What are they?"

I stared at the cards, unable to get over a sickening sense of déjà vu, but I decided to try anyway.

_This would be easier if I knew what kind of cards they are…_

"They're just simple shapes. You shouldn't have a problem."

I glanced at her. The way she almost seemed to be replying to my thoughts…It was almost as if she was reading my mind.

"Oh no," she grinned, "I'm not trying to invade your privacy, Ash. You just think so loudly, I'd have trouble not hearing you."

"What?!"

"Don't worry about it," she tried to assure me, waving off my astonishment with a little laugh, "Now come on, tell me what cards these are."

I didn't find that very assuring at all, but it didn't look like there was much I could do about it. Instead, I looked at the cards.

They were all facing down. I really couldn't see how she expected me to know what they were. Still, it couldn't hurt to guess.

"That one's blank," I said, pointing to the fourth one, "The others are…um…"

_Aw, what the heck?_

"Star, circle, square," I skipped over the fouth one, "and…uh, that one's blank too."

"Let's see."

She flipped them all over to reveal the shapes on the other side. In order, they were square, star, circle, blank, and another star.

"Hmm…" Sabrina looked over all of them thoughtfully, "You got this one right off the bat," she pointed to the blank one, then she pointed to the first three, "These were right, but in the wrong order. And this," she said, pointing to the last star, "you knew was a double of some sort."

I blinked. If I was supposed to know what that all meant…Well, I didn't.

"That's not bad. Not bad at all. You have good instincts, Ash."

"…Oh."

"Ready to try something else now?"

"I…guess so."

"Good, alright." She put the cards back in their box and they floated back into the toybox. Nothing else flew out. Sabrina folded her hands in front of her again. "This one's pretty easy too. All you have to do is tell me what number I'm thinking of."

"Ugh…"

_Not this again…_

"What's wrong?"

"…Nothing…" I sighed, "Alright, let's see……um…"

_This is even worse than the cards!_

She giggled, but stopped after I glared at her.

"This isn't funny…Ah hell…Fifty?"

"Two."

"…Oh."

"Do you want to try again?"

"Not really…"

"Let's try anyway," she smiled, "Okay go."

I frowned at her all too pleasant face. She might have been enjoying herself, but I wasn't.

_Okay, fine, fine…A number, right…?_

"Twenty five?"

"Fifty."

"What!?"

She just giggled softly. "One more time."

_This _really _isn't going anywhere…_

I locked eyes with her. She was just sitting there waiting…

_She'll probably pull something tricky on me again, like using one of those numbers again…Maybe twenty five, or two…or maybe fifty again…but which one? How am I supposed to……No, wait…_

She raised an eyebrow expectantly. I could see a smile curving at her lips.

_That's crazy, but…well, okay…_

"Sixty four."

"Bingo."

"What…? Really!?"

"Mm-hm," she nodded then looked over at the toybox as the lid started to open, "Now…what should we try next…?"

"Eh…"

I didn't really want to try anything else. My head was starting to feel weird again, and I didn't even want to think about what kind of mischief Pikachu could get into waiting out there by himself.

Meanwhile, Sabrina was muttering to herself, "No, that's not a good idea yet, saving that for last…Ah! This should be worth a try!"

I watched as a spoon floated out of the box and hovered in front of my face.

"A sp-?……Oh…man…"

Yeah, I remembered. Really, I'd much rather use my "secret method" than whatever Sabrina wanted me to do.

"I take it you've seen this before?"

"Uh, yeah, kinda."

"Why don't you give it a try?"

"Uhhh……Why not…?" I sighed.

I hesitantly raised my hand up to take the spoon, but stopped just a few inches away. There was something…something…in the air…It…I could see it! It was invisible, but…I could see it…the psychic energy Sabrina was using to hold it up…There wasn't a lot there, but…if I focused on it, I could see a disturbance in the air…I could feel it well enough too…Finally, I just shut my eyes and grabbed it. I waited for something to happen, but nothing did. I opened my eyes and stared at it. The energy was gone. The only thing holding up the perfectly normal spoon was my own hand.

"You do know what you're supposed to do, right?" Sabrina asked.

"Uh, kinda…Maybe you better remind me…"

She smiled gently. "This is one of the more advanced techniques, so you may not be able to perform it, but…well, wee if you can bend it with your mind."

_Oh is that it…_

I focused on the spoon again. Actually, I might know how to do this…I had before…in my dreams…but……

I glanced at Sabrina. Her smile was gone, replaced by a look of concentration, as if she was suddenly expecting something…If she read my mind again…well maybe she had reason to be…

_I _can…_I _think_ I can at least…Maybe not…I don't know…I…I don't really want to find out…_

Does that change the circumstances?

_…No…I guess not…Maybe it _would_ be safer to kn- Hey!_

I glared at Sabrina. "You know, it's bad enough reading other peoples' minds, let alone messing with them," I grumbled.

"You seemed to be having an inner conflict," she said calmly, "I was just trying to help." She gestured at the spoon I was still holding. "Now why don't you see what you can do?"

I sighed. "Fine…"

_Alright…All I have to do is…bend it, right?_

I concentrated on the spoon, at the same time considering myself crazy for doing what I was trying to do. It seemed like it should be easy enough if I really tried…but it was the first time I'd really tried, in this reality. I knew I had to focus psychic energy on it, and then…

"Agh!"

A sharp pain bit into my hand. I dropped the spoon and it clattered loudly on the table. I clenched my fist, waiting for the pain to subside. As it gradually faded, but not entirely, I uncurled my hand to see what had happened to it. There was a whitish stripe across my palm…a burn?

"Well…I don't think that's ever happened before," Sabrina commented.

I tentatively touched the streak and winced. Yeah, it hurt to touch…

"What do you mean?" I asked, "What happened?"

"It looks like you superheated it somehow…" she mumbled. She spread her hand above it, cooling it with her mind, before picking it up herself and examining it more closely. I looked too. That spoon didn't look bent in the least. "That's not exactly what we were going for, Ash…"

"I kinda figured that…"

She tossed the spoon over her shoulder and the lid of the box opened so it could land safely within it. She looked at me again. "Are you okay?"

"Uh…Yeah, it's just a little burn."

"Let me see." She took my hand so she could see my palm. "Hmm…Maybe……Nurse Joy told me you have incredible healing powers…Why don't you try using them now?"

"Wh-what? You want me to…heal myself?"

"She said you're very good at it."

"Well…maybe, but…I, I don't even remember how I did that! I was…kinda……out of control…"

I looked down, what little I understood of that all too fresh and very real memory came back to me. The pain, but most importantly, the danger I put everyone in…

"I can't……" I couldn't even hear myself, but I could feel my voice quiver. My hand too…shaking just so slightly…

"Ash," Sabrina spoke sternly, "Don't tell me you forgot already. You came here for that exact reason, to learn how to control your powers. You have them, but you must realize that suppressing them needlessly is every bit as dangerous as using them recklessly. You have to find the middle ground or you _will_ destroy yourself or those around you. Do you understand?"

_I'd rather destroy myself…_

I made sure I thought that quietly. She didn't need to care about that. Too many did already.

"I guess so."

"Do you want to try healing now?"

"…Not really."

"Um…Weren't you listening to a thing I said?"

"Oh yeah…"

"You getting tired?"

"Um…I guess so, yeah. I-I dunno, I'd probably just make it worse anyway, if I tried…"

"I don't know about that…but if you want to stop, you're perfectly welcome to. I don't think you're ready for advanced techniques quite yet, so we can finish up later."

"Uh…Okay."

Sabrina stood up, so I did too. "Ash, make sure to tell me if that headache comes back, or anything else out of the ordinary. As for right now…Hm…What do you say? Are you hungry?"

I blinked. That wasn't exactly the question I was expecting to hear after all this, but…

"Uh…yeah, actually…I am."

She smiled. "Well, let's go."


	38. Play

A/N: Told ya so. Bet you didn't say Zapdos right…? Right?? *sweatdrops* Well, if you did, sorry, I wasn't quite THAT fast…but if you didn't…Look, I told you so! *^_^*;; Heehee…Umm…Well, do enjoy this chapter. Dunno exactly when the next one will be, but school's out next week so perhaps very soon. Not guaranteeing anything though. On a different note…Go see Pokmon 5! NOW! Well, after you read this…and it's out on Friday so if you're reading this today, I guess it's kinda hard to go see it right now…but anyways, do go see it! We need to give them all the money we can so that EVERYONE can see it! They're being mean again and not showing it in a lot of places. They're being stingy, so give them reason not to! *whines* I wanna see it…*sweatdrops* Anyways, there's my spiel. The producers have lost faith in us, their fans. We have to earn back their respect! Er, wait I said I was done. Sorry. I'll shut up now. On with the fic. *^_^*;;;;  (my apologies to anyone who hates plugging/free advertising. I'll try not to do it again)

Chapter 38  
"Play"

We talked a lot over a light supper. She asked me a lot of questions about what had happened to me to make me come here. I told her as much as was comfortable, but even that was stretching it more than I'd like. I think she could tell, but she didn't press at all. I wondered if she really needed to…

"You brought a psychic Pokémon, didn't you?"

"Yeah…"

"May I see it?"

"Um, sure…"

I got Espeon's Pokéball from my belt and released her. She shook her ears out and smiled at me, then leapt gracefully onto the table and sat delicately next to my plate. I was almost worried Sabrina would say something about that, but Pikachu was already sitting on the table, and even though Espeon was bigger, she was used to being able to sit on the table from her time as an Eevee, and I didn't really care. Luckily, Sabrina didn't say anything either. Espeon looked at her curiously, then sniffed my plate and began licking up the crumbs.

"An Espeon…" Sabrina murmured, "How…appropriate."

"Huh?"

"Oh, nothing…I was just thinking about Eevee…It's born practically helpless. Unable to wield the elements even through training. Very unusual for a normal type Pokémon."

_That's true…_

"Yeah but that doesn't mean they can't be powerful…"

"Oh, I know, but you didn't let me finish. Once an Eevee evolves, it gains complete mastery over a particular element. Espeon is psychic obviously…but most students here who decide to train a Pokémon choose not to train an Espeon. Raising it from the Eevee stage is difficult, and most would prefer a Pokémon that has psychic powers from the start. In addition, Espeons raised by another trainer tend to be disrespectful, even aggressive, towards new trainers, so that rules out that option.

"But for someone like you…I think Espeon is an excellent Pokémon for you…I think she'll be very helpful…"

"Helpful…?"

"Yes. She'll understand what it's like for you to have to deal with this kind of power for the first time."

_That's right…I had to help her a lot when she first evolved…She didn't really know what she was doing…_

I found that our eyes had met. I'd been staring at Espeon ever since my inner revelation. She calmly returned my gaze. I saw a twinkle in her eye and the upturned corner of her usually hidden mouth.

"Now it's your turn to help me, huh…?" I whispered.

She glanced at Sabrina, then smiled and nodded at me. "Espeon!"  
_'__I'll try my best!'_

I chuckled and rubbed her head. "That's all I'd ever ask of you."

She smiled happily at my affections, which pleased me too, if only for a moment.

"But Sabrina…" I wondered out loud, "Just _how_ is Espeon going to help me? I thought you were gonna-"

"I'll help Espeon as well. Most psychic Pokémon trainers, and I mean those of us with psychic powers ourselves, form what you might call a 'link' with our Pokémon. In some ways it might be considered a disadvantage…For example, if either the trainer or Pokémon is distracted in battle, it's impossible for the other to focus either, as you witnessed firsthand about five years ago…"

"Uh…eheh, oh yeah, that…"

"On the other hand, it enables both parties to fully concentrate by over twice the degree if both are focused, and to understand each other, even without words or eye contact. You could say that we…think with one mind."

_What? Why does that phrase sound familiar…?_

"Wait a second!" I exclaimed, pounding my fist on the table and starting Pikachu and the dishes. "That's not true!"

"What's…not true?" Sabrina asked hesitantly, honestly confused for the first time I'd ever seen.

"It's a load of crap! You don't have to be psychic to form a bond with your Pokémon!"

"Oh that…Well of course not, but this is a different kind of-"

"No it's not!" I insisted forcefully, "I've been doing the same thing with Pikachu and the rest of my Pokémon for as long as I can remember, and there's no way I'm psychic!…Uh, was…Whatever! You know what I mean, right Pikachu? Espeon?"

They seemed unnerved by the way I was taking this, but still nodded solemnly.

Sabrina looked at each of us in turn, a small but self-directed smile forming on her face.

"I see…No, this doesn't surprise me at all…I could tell…from when I first sensed you, that there was something special about you."

Sensed_ me?_

"Wha-?"

She continued, ignoring me. "I've always believed that everyone is psychic to some degree, they just can't always realize or expand on it. My father disagreed of course. But…well, here you are…"

_What's that supposed to mean…? I'm supposed to prove that? Just me? And what'd she mean that 'everyone is psychic to some degree'? Everyone has psychic powers? How could so many of us not notice…? Why-_

I froze. My fists clenched in their spots on the table. It just all suddenly made sense.

_How could so many of us not realize that we can evolve…?_

"Are you alright, Ash?"

"Huh? Uh, oh, yeah. I'm okay…"

I trailed off and looked at Espeon. As soon as I saw the gem in her forehead twinkle, it seemed like everything slowed down. First, she sensed it, then I saw that she had. Next came the distortion in the air behind her. She flicked her ear, then turned her head to anticipate whatever it was behind her. As the gas cloud gained its purplish color and intimidating form, Espeon's face formed into a mischievous sneer and greeted it with a cry.

"Spe!"  
_'__Boo!'_

Haunter, interrupted in his own mischief making, reeled at the outburst, genuinely shocked. After half a second's recovery, he burst out into raucous laughter, pleased at finding a sharp victim, a challenge even. He showed how much he was impressed by a hearty slap on the back, except that his hand went through her, upsetting Espeon. Haunter just laughed more and Espeon, as well as the rest of us, had to join in to chuckle at his antics. I laughed if only to relieve the tension. Haunter noticed me and pointed and laughed even harder.

"_Hau_, hau, hauntaar! Haunta haunter haunt!"  
_'__You may be good, but you're not as funny as him! He was my top student!'_

"I what…?"

Sabrina sighed. "Since he came here he's been calling himself the guru of comedy…He wants to teach everyone how to be funny."

"Haunter haunter," Haunter agreed slyly, "Haunter haunter haun!"  
_'Sabrina's been making great progress, but you're a natural!'_

"I…oh…Maybe…Not-not really, though…"

"Hanuter??" Haunter cried in surprise.  
_'What?'_

He floated right up to my face, peering at me curiously, then faded and appeared to my side, then behind me, above, below, before finally reappearing in front of me and thoughtfully scratching his head with a confused look on his face.

"Is something wrong…?" Sabrina asked coolly.

Haunter didn't answer her. Instead, he focused his gaze on me and imperceptibly drifted closer and closer until his face was just barely not touching mine. When I realized how close we were, I backed up nervously, but his disembodied hands shot out suddenly, hitting, but not hurting, my face, covering my eyes with a deathly cold shadow of violet. It faded, but the coldness remained, quietly sliding down the back of my skull to my spine. I opened my eyes, shaken, only to see his face just before it merged into mine. His chilling, immaterial body dissolved through my skin, but didn't come out. I gasped for breath as my lungs seemed to freeze in place. Purple gas clouded my vision. I could feel Haunter moving around inside me, but I couldn't tell what he was doing. I could vaguely hear Sabrina shouting, Pikachu and Espeon too.

Finally, with a churning that made me nauseous as well, Haunter shot back up my spine, blasting my head with a sickening freeze and exiting through the back of my brain. I fell forward, barely able to save myself by bracing against the table with shaky arms.

"Haunter, what were you doing?!" Sabrina shouted lividly, now far too loud for my sensitive ears.

Haunter mumbled a reply from behind me, but never really answered. The unearthly presence behind me faded after that.

"Haunter…!" Sabrina growled, then sighed futilely. "I'm so sorry…Are you okay?"

I was slowly gaining my breath and temperature back, so I nodded.

"Uh-huh," I said without looking up, "I-I don't think he was trying to hurt me…"

"I'm sure he wasn't," Sabrina agreed, "but he tends to forget the limitations of living creatures, and usually acts without thinking…He's so difficult to control too…I'm really sorry."

"It's okay," I reassured her, forcing a grin in her direction, "I'm fine…"

"If you say so…" She stood up. "I'd better go talk to him. See why he did that in the first place…make sure he doesn't do it ag-"

She stopped to stare at the abnormally long and large tongue that seemed to be coming out of the center of her plate and licking up the remainder of her meal.

Sabrina slammed her fist onto the table, clattering the plates and startling the tongue into retreat. "Can't I even get thirty minutes' peace around here!?"

"Geeng…Gengar…" an apologetic but obviously naughty voice came from beneath the table.  
_'I'm sorry…I thought you were done…'_

I was about to lean over to look underneath for myself, but instead, my own plate gave me a fanged grin. I yelped in surprise, tried to back up but forgot I was sitting down, so I somehow managed to flip the chair onto is back, spilling me onto the floor rather painfully. When I opened my eyes, ignoring my throbbing head, I saw that same fanged face, no pitch black and surrounded by a poisonous purple cloud, peering down at me in concern.

"Ash! Are you okay?" Sabrina called.

"Uhh…Y-yeah." I clumsily sat up, trying not to fall again from my awkward position and somehow succeeded. Pikachu jumped down from the table to make sure, and Espeon followed. Sabrina wasn't too far behind.

"I'm so sorry," she apologized again and helped me up, "These guys…"

"It's okay…"

She didn't seem too convinced. After silently looking me over for a moment, she glared at Gastly and Gengar. "Alright, you two are doing dishes all this week! Do you understand?"

They both gasped in their relative languages, glanced at each other, then nodded solemnly, doing their best to hang their heads in shame.

"Good," Sabrina said sternly, then turned to me, "I'm really sorry about all of this. I need to go find Haunter now. Will you be okay on your own?"

"Sure," I replied, hoping I wasn't lying.

"Okay. Feel free to explore the rest of the house if you want. I want you to feel at home here…" She gave me a hard look out of the corner of her eye. Somehow I got the feeling that she really meant 'the rest of the house except for that one room. You've already explored it enough.'

"Okay."

She nodded. "Take care."

"Uh, yeah…You…too…" I trailed off when I found myself talking to air.

I didn't have much time to comprehend her sudden exit. A pair of gleeful and yet spooky cries echoed from behind me, followed by a "Pii!" of alarm. I spun around to see the dishes that'd just been sitting on the table a moment ago now floating in the air. Gengar danced happily on the largest one, and Gastly zoomed around them, clinking the silverware and the glasses together as he did. The rest of us stared blankly, trying to figure out exactly what was going on.

Gengar paused in his mad dance to laugh viciously at us.

"Gengar, _gengar_!" he cried to Gastly, who laughed in agreement.  
_'C'mon let's show 'em!'_

The two ghosts stopped their own antics, but the plates swirled around to perform a bizarre midair march, almost like in that movie, 'Bellossom and the Beast'. As me, Pikachu, and Espeon watched, the ghost Pokémon led the arrangement away to the kitchen, and soon the sound of hard rushing water hitting flatware was heard.

I glanced at my Pokémon. "Uh, let's go look around, shall we?"

They hastily nodded their agreement.

            *  *  *

We got lost very fast. Well, the first thing I recognized was that door I wasn't supposed to look in. I found myself staring at it from the adjacent hallway. I felt almost compelled to go open it, despite, or maybe even because of, Sabrina's warning not to.

I stepped forward before I even realized I did.

"Piika…" Pikachu breathed tersely. He clung tightly to my shoulder.  
_'Don't do it.'_

"Don't what?"

"Pikachu pika pika…"  
_'Sabrina said not to go in there…'_

"What makes you think I was going in there?"

"Piiika."  
_'__You started walking to it.'_

"…Oh."

"Pikachu, pika, pikaa…"  
_'Come on, I don't want to make her mad…'_

I briefly tried to imagine how mad she'd be and instantly shuddered at the thought. "Alright, you win. Let's go somewhere else…"

The next familiar thing I found was my room. I tried to remember the route I took to get there, even though I knew it probably wouldn't do any good. It was too early to go to sleep yet, so we decided to wander around more.

We had pretty much determined that the upstairs were an impossible maze, so I decided to try the basement.

It took me a while to find the door leading down there. I was also taking great care not to get too close to the kitchen where the sound of a wild faucet and insane laughter could be heard three rooms away.

Down the stairs…Honestly, I wasn't sure exactly _what_ I was expecting. Anything from a game room to maybe even a crypt, but certainly not _this_!

The basement was well-furnished and brightly lit. In fact, it didn't seem to resemble anything like a basement at all. The ceiling lights cast a friendly glow over the whole place. The hard carpet was an orangy-peach color, but somehow didn't look tacky with the yellow wallpaper crisscrossed by blue and white diamonds.

But it wasn't the room itself that surprised me the most…It was the…dolls…

Every wall and then some was lined with shelves upon shelves of dolls, large and small, human and Pokémon. There was a workbench to one side, a tool rack nearby, and a desk on the opposite side with large papers spread across it and pencil and paint racks at the corners. A woman, Sabrina's mom, was sitting at the desk, her back in my direction.

I stood on the steps and just stared at the whole place for a while. Espeon finally got impatient and nudged the back of my leg to get me to move, so I did. After I got off the steps, I stopped again, because I wasn't sure where to go from there. My gaze wandered to the shelf closest to me. The dolls, all sitting there perfectly still and staring out with immoveable expressions on artificial faces, nevertheless had a look of reality to them…as if say, Sabrina, or even the ghosts, started moving them around with their minds like she did with the spoon, I'd be pretty convinced. I actually braced myself, in case something like that happened, but it didn't.

_Hey, some of these look like the same style of doll that Sabrina had-_

"Is that you, Ash?"

I jumped at the sound of her voice from across the room. Sabrina's mom had turned around in her chair and was smiling at me.

"Uh, y-yeah, it's me…" I answered quickly, "Umm…"

"You look a little surprised. Is everything okay?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, fine…Uhhh…I just, um…" I gestured around the room, "What's with all the dolls?"

She laughed politely. "Oh these…I made them."

"What!?" I exclaimed. I stared at the multitudes of finely crafted dolls. There had to be hundreds of them. She made them all?!

"Do you like them?"

"_Like_? I don't know…but…Wow! You…you really made all these? That's amazing…They, they look almost real…"

She chuckled. "But they're not…"

"…Yeah…"

"I'm glad you appreciate them…Why don't you come have a seat? We didn't really have a chance to talk before."

"Uh, oh, okay."

I made sure Espeon was still with me and crossed over to her. There was a stool next to her, so I sat there. When I was close enough, I could see what she had on the desk. A half-finished doll with white eyes and pale straw-colored hair, and a light blue and white dress that wasn't completely sewed together. A needle and a long piece of thread lay next to and through the dress. Sabrina's mom picked it up and began sewing the dress again.

"You went down to the gym today, didn't you?" she asked, "Did you take the test?"

"…Yeah…"

"How was it? Sabrina gave it to you right? She didn't make it too hard on you did she? She gets carried away sometimes."

"Oh…No, it was fine," I lied, clenching my burnt hand.

"That's good…How do you think you did on it?"

"Uhh…I don't know really. I don't think I did very good, but I don't know about Sabrina…"

She laughed to herself. "That's not surprising…"

"Huh…?"

"She's hard to read…You really have to know her well. The best psychics have trouble figuring her out, but I can't even read minds but I can read her like a book…"

"Y-You're not psychic…?"

_I'd always thought…_

"Nope," she replied, "Not an ounce of psychic power in me." She smiled. "I just make dolls."

"Oh…But Sabrina and, and her dad…"

"Yes…and they're quite good at it too…" She sighed, pausing in her stitching to stare at the ceiling. "It's difficult sometimes, living two psychics, but they're both wonderful people and I couldn't ask for a better family."

I watched her. That was a genuine smile.

"After all you've been through…" I murmured to myself, "It must be really nice to be a family again…"

"Mm…Yes…"

_…Really nice…_

In the following silence, she went back to sewing up the dress of that lifeless half-doll…

_…Doll? Wait…!_

I gasped softly, but she didn't notice. My Pokémon did, but they didn't say anything.

"Didn't…Weren't…Uh…"

She gave me a sidelong smile. "Yes?"

"Uh…I don't know how to…ask…Umm…D-Didn't Sabrina…turn you into a doll?" I finished in a whisper.

Her smile changed into a look of sadness, and she was no longer looking at me. "Yes, she did…"

"But…" I looked around at the doll-filled room, growing more confused by the second. "You _make_ dolls…after that…? Why…?"

She chuckled softly. "Oh this has nothing to do with that…I've always made dolls. It's a…hobby. I like to call it that at least, never mind that I get paid for it now."

"But……"

She waited, but after I still couldn't think of what to say, she spoke instead. "If you're wondering if it bothers me…No, it doesn't. I've always enjoyed making dolls, even before that. Besides, they still look the same from up here, just dolls, not real." She smiled. "It's hard to forget that when you make them yourself."

That didn't really convince me of anything, but I figured it must make sense in a way. "Guess so…" I shrugged.

"Besides," she added, "it's not like I'm going to let one incident keep me from something I love, whether it's doll making or my family."

_…I get it…I don't know how she was able to overcome that though…Is she that much stronger…? Maybe they all are…_

"Why do you ask?" she asked and continued sewing.

"Uh…I…I just thought…I-I dunno really."

"Mm," she nodded. I watched her for a little longer, unsure what to say anymore. "Did Sabrina go back to the gym and leave you here all alone?"

"Uhh…Kinda. Yeah."

"That wasn't very polite," her mother sighed.

"Oh, no, it's okay. See, Haunter-"

"That scoundrel?" She made a face. "Well that explains it. She's trying to find him, right? Well, if he doesn't want to be found, she'll be out looking for him for a long, long time…"

I chuckled appreciatively. I knew about _that_…

She laughed a little too. "Well, I suppose if you have nothing better to do, you could help me out right here."

"What do you want me to do?" I wasn't sure how I could help, but I wasn't about to say no.

She smiled. "Do you have any experience in doll-making?"

"No…"

"Sewing? Carpentry?" I shook my head to both.

"Can you draw?"

"No."

"Hope you learn fast then," she smiled even more and pulled open a drawer by my side. I scooted out of the way. She retrieved a pile of faintly yellowed papers and set them on the desk in front of me. "Take a look through there and see if you can't do any better. My best dolls came from some of those designs. When you're ready to try, there's more paper and some crayons in that drawer."

I stared at the top paper while she went back to work. It was a crayon drawing of a girl with lines for limbs, a blue triangle for a dress, and hair that looked like two black lines sliding off her head. The eyes were nothing more than empty blue circles, and the mouth was a black line with an upwards curve at one end.

_These are her best designs…? They look like they were drawn by a three year old…_

I flipped through the rest of the pile carefully. The pages were definitely aged and I didn't want to hurt them. They were more or less the same style, if you could call it that, of the first one. They started to get better towards the end, but the last one…The quality was almost as bad as the first one. It was of a girl with dark green hair wearing a white dress and hat, eyes empty red circles and no mouth. I dropped the rest of the stack back on top of that one and noticed that I was breathing harder. Even through the crudeness of the picture, I recognized that girl, and I recognized those eyes…

I left my hand on top of the papers, not willing to look at them anymore, but not ready to put them away yet either.

"Uh…" I started to ask.

"Hm?"

"Wh-wh-who…uh…Who…drew these…?"

"…My daughter, Sabrina."

"…Really…?"

"Mm-hm…" she nodded, "That was…back when she wanted to make dolls too…"

_Make dolls? You mean make them the _right_ way…Yikes…_

"Oh…"

I glanced back at the papers and carefully lifting them up and set them back in the drawer after opening it again. Before I closed it, I looked inside again and sure enough, there was blank paper and a small frayed cardboard box of barely and unwrapped crayons with round tips.

"Do you want to try it?" her mom asked me.

I didn't look up at her. I was too busy staring at the, at Sabrina's crayons.

"I-I don't know…"

"Let me guess…You haven't drawn anything since kindergarten?"

"Uh…Yeah, actually…"

_I could never sit still long enough…_

"I don't really think that makes a difference…But, of course, if there's something else you'd rather be doing, by all means, feel free. I wouldn't want to keep you here."

"Uh…I……umm…."

_She's got me there…I really don't have anything else to do…_

"I guess it couldn't hurt…" I mumbled.

I pulled out a sheet and the box. I was afraid the box was going to bust, but it didn't. It was one of those little rectangular ones with the flip-open lid that didn't fasten closed in any way besides gravity. Part of the corner was missing. I flipped it open and peered inside. I tried to figure out what to start off with, then I realized that I had no idea what I was going to draw.

"Hey, Miss…Mrs….Uh……Sabrina's mom…?"

"Mrs. Carson," she replied helpfully.

"Uh, yeah. Um…What am I supposed to…uh…draw?"

"Whatever you like. If it's a person or a Pokémon, I might make it into a doll."

"Oh…Okay…"

_People…I don't know about that…Pokémon…? Uhh…_

Pikachu had crept onto the desk while I wasn't paying attention and started sniffing the crayons.

_I guess that's as good as anything._

I grabbed a yellow crayon and began.

            *  *  *

I lost track of the time that I was coloring. I lost track of what I was doing too. I started off trying to make a Pikachu, but when that didn't work, it started turning into something else, and I didn't know what. The wax on the paper seemed like a blur to me, and my hand moved on its own.

A hand set on my shoulder and I froze. It had broken through the cloud I'd been in. I wasn't sure what to do.

"Ash? Hey, are you done yet?"

I stared at the paper, waiting for it to come into focus. I saw streaks of dark, orange-ish hair, and bright blue eyes atop a smiling face in a yellow dress…and I recognized her.

"…Ash?"

I could barely _think_, let alone speak. My mind had gone numb, my mouth dry. All I could do was stare at the girl that _I_ had put on paper. The quality…might not have been anything worth anything, but…at least she looked like an actual person…like herself…in crayon…

The hand shook me, jarring me into awareness. I looked around jerkily, like I'd been shocked from a good sleep.

"Wh-what…?"

"You okay? You were really getting into that, I hope you didn't hurt yourself." She sounded like she was joking, but I wondered…

"Uh…I'm okay. I just…um…"

She rubbed my back, an embarrassing gesture, to help me relax. I couldn't tell if it worked or not. She leaned over me a little to look at the drawing.

"She looks beautiful…" she said softly.

_No, it really doesn't do her justice…_

"Uh, thanks…"

"She looks like that girl that was with you…What was her name? Sunny…?"

I blinked. "Misty…?"

"Oh that could be it," she nodded.

I laughed hesitantly. She had no idea…

"Are you doing to give her a name?"

"A name?"

"Yeah…"

I glanced at the picture and swallowed. "Uh, I'm not really good at names……Uhhhhh…Ya know what? I kinda like that name…Misty…Uh, that'll work for now…"

She smiled. "I think that's a fine name."

_…Yeah…_

She coughed a little. "So…are you done?"

"Huh…?" I asked blankly, then remembered what she'd said. "O-oh…Yeah…I, I think so…"

She reached around me and picked it up to see better. "This really is good…Are you _sure_ this is your first time since kindergarten?"

"Yes…"

"Well…" she set it down in front of me again, "it's up to you to decide what you want to do with it. I'd be happy make a doll for you, or you could just keep the drawing if you want…"

_A doll…Oh please no…_

"Uh…No, I…I'll just keep her, it…"

"Alright." She yawned. "Well, it's getting late…Have you called home yet?"

I cursed out loud, then quickly apologized, grabbed the paper, and stood up to go.

"Don't forget your Pokémon," she reminded me.

I looked around for them, but I hadn't thought to do that before. I was used to them just following me. Pikachu wasn't on the desk anymore. I glanced at the floor. Espeon was loosely curled and sleeping by the corner of the desk. Pikachu had his forepaws draped over her side. He looked up at me with half-open eyes and a blank look of failed comprehension.

"Time to go…" I said gently and knelt down to wake up Espeon. I rubbed her head and it took a while for her to realize that was coming from the outside world. She blinked sleepily, then yawned and tried to get up, but Pikachu still hadn't gotten off her back yet. She shook him off none too gently, then proceeded to stretch and rubbed against me briefly. I stood up too and turned around. "Thanks for letting me stay with you for a while…and thanks for letting me stay in your house too…"

"Oh, don't mention it. It's been a pleasure having you, and I'm sure it will continue to be."

"I hope so."

She smiled. "Well, you'd better hurry upstairs. You don't want to worry your poor mother."

"Ugh, you're right. Okay, see ya!"

We hurried back to our room. We didn't get quite as lost this time, but we did pass that one door on the way again, even though I had the suspicion that it wasn't _supposed_ to be on the way…

Once we got inside, I flipped on the light and went to the desk. Pikachu and Espeon headed straight for the bed and started bouncing on it. They laughed, getting a real kick out of it.

I sat down, that drawing still clutched tightly in my hand, but so careful not to wrinkle it. Before I could call home, I had to figure out what to do with it. I held it in front of me, stared at her smiling face. I couldn't believe I'd actually done that. I couldn't even really remember how I did it, just that I did. But was it really real?

I moved one hand towards her, expecting to touch wax. Instead, my paw graced the silken locks of her fine golden red hair. She giggled, but it sounded so far away, the beauty of her innocent smile hazy.

My eyes snapped open, my hand mere inches away from the page, her sweet crayon face still smiling. I stared just a little while longer before rapidly pulling open the nearest drawer and putting her inside. I almost closed it too, but…couldn't for some reason. I didn't want to hide her away in there. It wouldn't be fair. Instead, I set her on the desk next to the phone, which left only one thing to do.

I've called home hundreds of times. This one shouldn't have been any different…except that this time, I was alone on my end.

The phone had barely rung once before it was picked up, making me wonder if Mom had been sitting there waiting for my call, and I decided that must be the case.

"Ash?!" she practically screamed into the phone.

I winced and rubbed my unfortunate ear. It didn't take long for it to start ringing.

"Hi…Mom…" I got out. My voice sounded weird with one ear out of commission.

"Where have you been?!" she inquired all too forcefully. I held the receiver half a foot away from my ear and wondered how long it would take before she got the picture…Probably too long knowing her…

"Mom, I can _hear_ you, you know…You don't have to-"

"Where have you been!?" she repeated desperately.

_Okay, answer the question first…_

"I've been here…Look, I'm sorry I didn't call you-"

"Do you have any idea how worried I've been?!" That was more of a whisper-shout, but it had a strong effect.

"Mom…I…" I looked at her eyes. I'd wanted to say yeah, but…no I couldn't. Beneath that thin mask of anger was so much concern…I sighed. "No…I-I'm really sorry…There was so much here, I got sidetracked, and…"

"You never once thought to call your mother?" She wasn't scolding anymore, but that still drove home, even worse.

"Nn…No…I-I forgot…" I hung my head. "I-I'm r-really s-sorry, Momma…" My voice choked a little, not entirely on purpose.

She sighed softly. "I'm just glad you're alright…But don't let it happen again! Okay?"

I grinned just a little. "Okay."

She smiled back, but it didn't take long for her to launch into another spiel of questions. "So how do you like Saffron? What time did you get there? Is it clean? Is the school hard? How's Sabrina? Where are you staying? You didn't lose anything did you? Is the food healthy? Are you behaving yourself? Do you still feel well? Don't forget to-"

"Mom!!" I had to cut her off or she could go on forever. "It's fine. About an hour or two after I left. Yes. I only took the first test so far. She's fine. At her house, the guest bedroom. No, I didn't. Yes. Yes. Yes. And I won't."

"…What was the test like?"

"Uhh……" I rubbed the burnt spot on my hand, but only found a slight raise in my skin where it should've been healing. I glanced down to see only the faintest evidence that it'd been hurt at all. I blinked.

"Ash?" Mom asked, her voice peaking in concern.

I looked up quickly. "Oh, yeah. The test. Umm…It wasn't that bad. Didn't really know what was going on, but I don't think Sabrina cared about that. Uhh…I guess I…passed, 'cause she hasn't sent me home yet…"

_That means…I'm really psychic, huh…?_

"…Alright…You be careful, okay?"

"I will."

"Okay. I think your friends want to talk to you now. I'll talk to you later. Goodbye, I love you!"

"Love you too, Mom."

She set the phone down and called towards the family room. I waited tensely while she stood up to give someone else the phone. I was fine with talking to Mom, or even Brock, but Misty…It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to her. It was more because-

"Hey Ash!" Brock smiled broadly into the camera, "How's it going?"

"Uhh…I-It's fine, I mean."

"Fine?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Good?" I tried.

He laughed. "Okay, I get the picture. You're fine, right?"

"Broock…"

He chuckled. "Sorry…" We both spent a moment waiting for the other to say something. He chuckled again. "I guess anything I could ask, your mom already did for me, huh?"

"Yeah…"

"Weell…I bet she didn't ask this…"

"…Huh…?"

"How is Sabrina anyway…? I mean…you know…How is she?"

"Uhh…She's okay…I think…What do you mean…?"

"You oughta know…All that…that…stuff…"

"Stuff…" I pondered that for a moment. "O-oh! You mean…Oh…Brock, you don't have to worry about that, trust me. She's…You'd be surprised how, how different she is…"

He nodded a little but didn't seem too convinced. "I believe you, Ash…Just…Just be careful, alright…?"

"I trust her," I said quietly, "Maybe you're right, maybe I shouldn't…No, I just do…If all the stupid psychic business is true, then I have to trust myself enough to believe that…"

When I glanced at him again, he was smiling, mostly to himself. "When you put it that way…Yeah, that makes sense. I'd still keep my guard up, but you're right, you don't really have any reason not to trust her anymore. In fact…" He scratched his chin thoughfully, "if she's really as different as you say, I may have to come visit you guys…Would help if you dropped a good word or two in my name…Ya know, there's always room in the Brock-man's heart for a fine young lady…"

I blinked in disbelief. "You're not serious…? _Sabrina? You were just saying…"_

He chuckled in embarassment. "Well, yeah, I-I'm not really sure about that…She's probably not my type anyway…Eheheh…heh…"

I raised an eyebrow, though I couldn't help but grin. "Not your type…? That's a new one."

"Ahhh…heheheh…heh…Ugh…" He hung his head. "You got me there…"

I laughed to myself. "Thought so…"

He sighed and shook his head. "That's enough of that…Hmm…Well, besides that, just want to remind you not to do anything stupid while we're not there to save you, okay?"

I groaned. "Why does everyone say that…?"

He chuckled, but there was a lack of humor to it which I had the feeling might've been there a few months ago. "Because we _know you…"_

"I'll be good…" I sighed.

He nodded. "Well, then…Hm. You got any questions…?"

"Uhhh……Well," I scratched my head, "Mom said 'friends'…Who else is there? I don't think Gar-"

"Misty!" he answered, "What kind of a question was that?"

"Uh…A…stupid one…?" I guessed.

He shook his head knowingly. "You worried about her?"

"What? Me? Why would I be-"

"Because she's been talking nonstop about you since you left, and I know the both of you well enough to know that if she's worried, then you probably are too. I'm running out of things to tell her Ash. You'd better talk to her."

"She's been talking about me?" I asked, completely ignoring the last thing he said, "What'd she say?"

"Why don't you find out…?" he asked slyly.

"Wh- _Brock_!"

He sighed. "She's just been talking about the…the…mutual, undeclared breakup? And of course she's worried you might hurt yourself on accident or something, but that can't be helped. Listen, if you're gonna break up with someone, you gotta say it first…"

"But I-I didn't…really…well…"

"So you're still going out with her?"

"Uh…Well…k-kinda…I think…"

"Ash…"

"…Huh?"

"You gotta pick. Yes or no. You can't be undecided on this."

I didn't answer, just looked down.

"You wanna talk to her now?"

I started to shake my head, but he'd already called for her to come. Just before he stood up, he grinned at me, maybe winked, I couldn't tell. Either way I glared at him. "You know what you gotta do," he said. He handed the receiver over, and in a few seconds, Misty sat down in his place.

My unsettling stomach felt like it had tiny chunks of crushed ice in it. We just sat there and stared at each other for a while, neither able to say a word. I swallowed.

"…Hi," she said.

"Uh…H-hullo…" I stammered, feeling stupid. It was Misty after all…Shouldn't feel that weird talking to her…I swallowed again. My hand twitched for the Everstone, but I held it in place. "Um…I-It's really weird seeing you over the phone," I said pathetically.

"Yeah, it is," she agreed honestly, almost surprising me.

"Um……"

"What did Brock talk to you about…?" she asked.

"Uhh…Oh…just…N-nothing…"

"…I don't know about that…" she said softly.

_Oh man, she told him to say all that stuff….Waitasec, how did I know-_

"Uhhh…We just. Um. He…He said you were, um, wondering about me?"

"Oh…Um…Maybe…"

I waited. I didn't really know how to say what I had to say, not that I even knew what that was in the first place…

"Ash-"  
"Mist- Uhh…"

"You go," she said.

"Me?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh…I-I…I don't…um…"

"You must've had _something_ to say…"

"Er…M-maybe……"

"…Well…?"

"Uhhh…"

"Ash…"

"Huh?"

"Just…Just say it."

"Oh…You sure?"

"Yes."

"Uh, say what?"

"…You know…"

"Um…If you say so…"

I swallowed, making my necklace too tight for a second. My hands nervously traced each others' scars. She'd helped me heal those, make them…I took a deep breath of cold shivering air.

"I-I think we can go out again w-when I – come back…If-If I-I'm b-better…by then…" My thumb pressed hard into the burn until it stung. "I-Is that…okay…?"

She didn't answer for a long time. It stung more and more.

"Yeah," she said bluntly, feelings well-hidden, "That sounds like a good idea."

"…You sure…?"

"Yes," she almost growled, "It's not like you're here anyway."

"That's not why-"

"I know."

"…Oh. Okay. I was just-"

"I know."

"……Oh…"

"…When are you coming back?"

I blinked. "Uhh……Iii…don't know actually. Um, I'll ask Sabrina tomorrow."

She nodded. "Make sure you do that."

"I will…"

"…I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Um, guess so."

"Okay. See ya."

"…Goodnight…"

She hung up and I slowly replaced the receiver after her. I sat there for a while, trying to figure out exactly what had just happened. I had the feeling it wasn't very good, but there was no way to be sure. Finally, I got up and changed into my pajamas. I had to convince my Pokémon to give me room to lie down on the bed and they did so.

Through the window, I could see the moon was out of sight, stars playing in its absence. I pulled the blanket tighter around me and set my other hand on my Everstone. As I drifted off to sleep, I tried to sort out everything that had happened that day, and only hoped that I had done the right thing…


	39. A Learning Experience

A/N: Oh what to say…Nothing really. Can you believe this fic is almost 2 years old…? *@_@*; Just thought I'd mention that cuz I forgot to last year. Um…Tat's all for now *^_^*;

Chapter 39  


"A Learning Experience"

I awoke to an annoying scratching sound from across the room. I was comfortable staying asleep, so I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. It paused for a second, then began scratching even louder. I pulled the blanket over my head in a useless effort to block it out.

"Spe, epse."  
_'__It's time to get up!'_

_Espeon…?_

I rolled over again and squinted at my lavender Pokémon who was holding one paw up to the door. "Espeon…" I whispered, "I _know_ you can open that door by yourself…"

She only grinned at me and started scratching with both paws.

"Espeon…!" I whined, "Just go back to sleep, okay…?" I yawned and rolled over again. She scratched faster.

_Okay, that's it!_

I blindly grabbed the closest throwable object and hefted it up to throw at her just to get my point across, not to actually hit her. It wasn't until I was just about to release that I realized I'd chosen something warm and furry.

"Piii…" Pikachu growled irately, staring down at me with slitted, sleep-filled eyes. Sparks flew from his cheeks. I panicked and tried to apologize and set him down at the same time, but it was too late.

"Ka CHU!!"

This morning's zap had a little more malice to it than usual, but luckily he was still half asleep and didn't have quite as much energy as he might under other circumstances. It still fried me though.

"Pika pika…" Pikachu mumbled, yawned, then scratched his ear.  
_'That's what you get…'_

Espeon laughed.

            *  *  *

I rinsed out the burnt chars from my hair in the shower and watched with distaste as they disappeared down the drain. That really couldn't be good for me…If I went bald because of Pikachu…I sighed. No, that was ridiculous…

I finished up and stepped out of the shower to dry off. It was while I was doing that that I remembered the mirror. It hadn't bothered me before, because I still looked like toast from Pikachu's Thundershock.

What struck me first was the gray in my hair. I hadn't realized it was starting to show so much again. All that was black anymore were the tips and those didn't look like they'd last long. The rest of me hadn't changed much, still some strange mess. I made a face and that only made it worse, so I turned the other way. I was really starting to hate mirrors…

"Pi, pipikachu, pika chu!" Pikachu called from outside the door.  
_'Hurry up, I wanna take a bath!'_

I sighed. "Pikachu…"

"Pi?"  
_'__Huh?'_

"…Why don't you just clean yourself like you usually do…?"

"…Chuu…"  
_'You're no fun…'_

            *  *  *

I made it downstairs in record time, still passing that door on the way. I'd woken up just in time for breakfast, thanks to Espeon, no thanks to Pikachu. The Carsons were all there already. During breakfast, I asked Sabrina how long I'd have to stay here.

"That depends on you," she replied.

"Huh?"

"It depends on how quickly you learn and whether or not I feel you're ready to leave. You do have some other issues most here don't have to worry about, so it could take quite a while…"

"Umm…How long is a while…?"

"I'd say maybe a month or so, maybe more, maybe less. Of course, there've been a few, and these are far from the norm, who've ended up training here for years, not counting those who've become trainers themselves."

I didn't like the sound of that…It didn't matter to me that that wasn't normal. As far as I could tell, _I _was anything but normal…

"I…I hope it won't come to that…"

She nodded and delicately wiped some syrup from her mouth.

            *  *  *

After breakfast, we went outside. I didn't know why she couldn't teleport us from inside, but I didn't ask.

"Ash, how's your hand doing?"

"Huh?"

"Remember you burned it yesterday?"

"Oh…Uh…Yeah."

"Well?"

"It's fine," I mumbled.

"May I see?"

"Uhh…O…kay…"

I let her look at my hand and saw her eyes widen the tiniest bit. She was definitely surprised, but I couldn't tell by how much.

"Um…Ash…The burn's gone."

"Uh…Eheheh…It is, isn't it…?"

"Did you do that…?"

I shook my head. "I don't _think_ so…It just kinda…left, I guess."

She blinked. "I see…" She straightened up. "We'll think about that later. For now we'd better get to the gym.

She teleported us there and led me inside.

"I've decided to put you in the remedial class," she told me, "Mostly because I don't think you'd appreciate being put in the beginning class…Those students are all much younger than you and have much better control over their abilities…That's not to say that it's the only reason of course. You seem to be having problems that we need to work out…"

I was following her closely enough to keep up, but I still felt my feet and tail dragging. That power that spread throughout the gym was pressing against my brain. I felt like I was suffocating, but I could breathe perfectly.

Sabrina stopped and glanced at me. "You have that headache again, don't you?" I nodded. "I think we're going to have to work on that first…For now…" She held her hand out palm up. Her eyes glowed and a white glow appeared above her hand. It faded into a silvery cloth which gently settled onto her hand. She picked it up and spread it by the diagonal corners. She folded it like that, then leaned forward to wrap it around my head and tied it off in the back. "That should help, at least for a little while," she said, "I can't let you get dependant on it though."

I tentatively reached up and touched it. It felt thin, like silk, but slicker, almost metallic, but it was definitely cloth.

"What is it…?" I asked.

"It's a special material designed to filter psychic energy. This way you won't be overwhelmed by the extent of its presence here, but it also limits the amount you can expend as well…and I'm sure you're well aware of the dangers of _that."_

She was right about the filtering. The dizzying hum I'd been feeling had dwindled down to the type of sound that comes from your own imagination. I thought also of what she meant by danger. Thoughts of the hospital, the pain and darkness I'd suffered…I nodded quietly.

There were more people, all psychics I guess, in the gym today. They moved aside for Sabrina, who strode through them, tall and straight as a queen. They weren't concerned with her though. They had their eyes, their thoughts on me. Most had the grace to look away if I looked their way, but there were still many who didn't, and I knew, it didn't take psychic powers, that they _all_ stared at me once I'd passed them. I could hear some whisper. More often than not, I could feel a surge in the psychic hum. They whispered with their minds.

I gave up on trying to positively deal with being a spectacle. I took Pikachu from my shoulder and hugged him as closely as I could without hurting him. I kept my eyes downcast, not wanting to meet anymore disbelieving stares. I watched Sabrina's heels and simply followed them.

It felt like forever until she stopped. I dared to lift my head. She was facing me now, one hand on a doorknob. There were a lot less people here, only one or two. Sabrina was staring at me now. She looked like she was thinking hard about something. After a moment, she spoke.

"Ash, before we go in there…I-I have to warn about the students in there…" She coughed. "Um, let's just say they're…rather…ill-adjusted…shall we? I feel bad for lumping you in with them, but I'm afraid this is where I'll be able to help you the most."

As she turned to open the door I couldn't help but wonder…

_Ill-adjusted…? What does that mean…? Am I…?_

She swung the door open and stepped inside. I started to peek in, but was interrupted by a sudden, loud female voice.

"You're _late_, Miz Carson!"

Sabrina didn't miss a beat. "Yes, you're right. I had a little something I had to take care of first."

_'Little something'?___

I glared at Sabrina's back.

"What? That new kid?" asked the voice.

"That's correct." Sabrina looked at someone to her left. "Thank you for watching them. I'll take over from here."

Sabrina stepped aside to let a young woman, probably only a year or so younger than Sabrina, with short teal-blue hair slip past her and into the hall. She blinked openly at me, then stepped around and continued away.

"So where is 'e?" asked that voice again.

Sabrina beckoned me from inside the room. "Come on in, Ash."

There's nothing to be afraid of, she added mentally. The cloth softened her psychic voice.

I swallowed, nodded, made a quick grab for my Everstone, and stepped inside.

This room was small too, but still bigger than that other one I'd had that test in. It was just big enough to fit four old, chipping deskes, the kind with chairs already attached to them, and a large desk at the front for Sabrina. Two people sat in the back two desks. 

The one farthest from me, to my left, was a man, no younger than thirty or so, with short black hair and glasses. Unlike absolutely everyone else, he didn't seem to notice I was in the room. He stared straight ahead, his face totally emotionless, eyes narrowed ever so slightly. He held his hands folded beneath his chin, holding his head up. His eyes seemed almost glazed, unfocused. They looked almost like a Natu's. I somehow got the feeling that he was staring into infinity.

The girl at the other desk was closer to my age, maybe three or four years older. She had thin, straight hazel-colored hair forming straight wispy bangs, longer by her ears. The rest of her hair was a few inches longer than shoulder length, some fell in front but most was behind her back. She stared straight at me, golden-brown eyes boring into mine. She wore a loose long-sleeved shirt, tan-colored. I kept my tail hidden behind my back.

"Teresa. August. I'd like you to meet Ash Ketchum."

I opened my mouth. My voice came out breathy and hard to hear. "Uh…hi…"

Teresa, I figured that was the girl, groaned. "Don't tell me you found another _mute one…"_

Sabrina forced a light laugh. "I didn't…Say something, Ash."

I glanced from her back to the girl. "Uhh…"

Teresa stared at me with half a smile, half frustration. "Is that _all you can say…?"_

"Uh…No!" I felt my face flush from embarrassment.

"Heh…That's a start…" Teresa replied.

"Um, why don't you have a seat, Ash?" Sabrina suggested.

"Sit down…?" I questioned dumbly.

"Yes…Please, pick a seat." She gestured to the two seats in the front row.

I stared at them. No matter which one I picked…my back, namely my tail, would be exposed…I glanced at August. He still hadn't moved a muscle since we'd come in, and the way he just kept staring straight ahead…I didn't really want to be sitting in front of him. I glanced at Teresa next. She gave me a perky, lopsided smile.

_Okay…_

I took a moment to steady myself, then slowly moved to take my seat, stiffly letting my tail uncurl behind me as I did. I wasn't even fully in the chair yet when a shriek from behind me mad me jump and hit my knee on the desk. While I tried to rub the bruise away, Teresa began babbling like crazy.

"He's got a tail!! Check it out! Hey Gus, look! The guy's got a _tail! Wow! Where on earth did you get that thing!?"_

I didn't answer, didn't look up, just clutched my aching knee while my face burned. Of all the reactions I'd been prepared for…which wasn't many, to be honest, but I figured everyone would react in pretty much the same say, _this_ was one I certainly hadn't anticipated.

_Did she really just ask where I got it…?_

"Teresa! That is enough!" Sabrina shouted. I glanced up. Even with that bandana thing, I could still _feel_ the coldness emanating from her.

"What'd I do?" Teresa asked as if offended.

"Now is _not_ the time to ask questions, and _that_ certainly isn't the way to do it," Sabrina glowered at Teresa, her cold blue eyes frightening, "and above all, we _don't_ need any of your inane comments right now!"

Teresa scoffed. "Geez you make it sound like I was killing someone!"

Pikachu, who was sitting on my desk, growled at her, fists clenched and cheeks sparking. Espeon also let out a low growl.

"Whoa! That Pikachu's real!?" she cried, "I thought it was a stuffed toy the way you were carrying it! I didn't think anyone brought non-psychic-"

"PIKACHU!" Pikachu snapped at her. His cheeks flashed dangerously. I put a hand in front of him before he could discharge.  
_'Shut up!!'_

"Don't," I whispered, pleading with my eyes.

_Don't hurt her over this this…_

Pikachu stared at me. His electricity dwindled down to nothing. He stared at the desk for a moment, then glared at Teresa one last time before turning around and plopping down on the desk.

"Teresa…" That was all Sabrina had to say this time. Teresa shut up. Sabrina sighed, with relief I think. "Now that that's out of the way…Hm…Well, we've all met each other now, so why don't we take a little more time to get to know each other better? I'm sure you all know me, so why don't we start with…August, how about you?"

I waited, we all waited, but not very long. When I looked at him, he _still_ hadn't moved. It was like he didn't even hear her…

"Okay…" said Sabrina, "I guess we'll move on now…I suppose it's your turn Teresa."

Now her I was expecting to hear something from. When I didn't, I peered over my shoulder to see what was keeping her. She was leaning back in her chair, arms crossed, staring at Sabrina stubbornly. When she saw me she grinned.

"Oh, is it okay for me to talk now?" she asked Sabrina, feigning innocence.

"If you can keep it intelligent…" Sabrina muttered impatiently.

"_Okay!" Teresa got up and stood on her chair. "My name is Teresa Renfrew! She declared and put a hand on her chest. "I'm a Gemini. I'm from Saffron. I like pizza, Pokémon battles, and the Ghostly Trio's stage performances! Those are really awesome, you gotta see em," she added to me specifically then went on, "I'm the best psychic in this class, no doubt about it! My peers respect and look up to me! Ain't that right, Gus?"_

'Gus,' as she called him, didn't react.

"See?" she smirked, "Now! I also-"

"Teresa…" Sabrina interrupted, "Why don't you tell us why you're here?"

That idea silenced her, and fast. She'd already placed her hands on her hips and now she glared at Sabrina with a deadly coldness almost equal to what Sabrina had displayed just minutes ago. At last, Teresa turned her nose up haughtily. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that's all I have to say." With that, she climbed back down to her seat.

After a moment, Sabrina replied with, "I see…" She turned to me, a smile now on her face. "Your turn."

"Me…?" I asked, wondering why I felt surprised. She nodded. "Oh…Okay…" I stood up, careful not to step on Espeon.

I looked around at my small audience. Sabrina, patiently waiting. That August guy _still_ hadn't moved. I wondered if he was really alive. Then to my side, Teresa, looking surprisingly supportive. She laid back in her chair, arms crossed again, with what might be considered a friendly smirk on her face.

"We don't got all day ya know," she reminded me.

_Okay, maybe not _that_ friendly…_

"O-oh yeah…Uhh…M-my name is Ash…A-Ash Ketchum…Um…I'm from Pallet Town…Uh…I…I just lost my title as Pokémon League Champion…" I mumbled that part, but by the way they both shifted position, Sabrina surprised, probably that I mentioned it, Teresa just interested, I could tell that they heard me. "I…I have an interview that's going to be aired later this week…It's about…um, this." I made a quick gesture to my tail. "Uhh…These are my Pokémon, Pikachu and Espeon. I have more in Pallet…" I was quickly running out of things to talk about. I glanced at Sabrina for help.

"Wow you're that guy!? You can even talk and everything!" Teresa exclaimed appreciatively. I glanced at her, unsure what to make of that.

Sabrina ignored her. "Why don't you tell us why you're here?" she suggested.

"…Oh. Ummm…Okay…Uh. Well…I…I just got…m-my uh powers…n-not too long ago…and um, I, I don't really know how to control them…and I kinda…uh…I guess I stored too much…inside me…and kinda…um…I-I-I guess I…I-I almost died…"

After a moment, Teresa begain clapping, loud and steadily. "That was great!" she cried and I couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not, "A real tearjerker! You had me on the edge of my seat!" The way she was grinning the whole time I decided she was being sarcastic.

Sabrina glared at Teresa, who stopped clapping, then smiled at me. "Thank you, Ash. You may sit down."

I didn't waste any time doing that.

"You you know, Ash," Sabrina said, "We're not in this room a lot. We'll just meet here twice a day to discuss what kind of progress everyone's been making.

"I completed the course," Teresa said proudly.

Sabrina sighed. "No…You didn't."

"Hmph…"

"Anyway," she continued, "most of what we do at this gym is individual training. I'll be working with you for a while, Ash…" Teresa snickered, but Sabrina ignored her. "It's a nice day," she said, "why don't we go outside?"

"Now there's an idea!" Teresa exclaimed, "Get outta this stuffy ol' place…"

"Yes…" Sabrina agreed. Her eyes glowed white-blue. A similar haze surrounded me and I could see Pikachu enveloped by it too before my sight went white briefly, and then we were outside, in some sort of park. Sabrina, who was now standing next to me, removed my bandana and handed it to me. "You won't need this out here," she said. I stuffed it in my pocket while she turned to Teresa and August. "Okay you two, you know what to do right?"

"_Yeah," Teresa replied, like it was obvious._

The only indication August gave that he'd even heard here, and that was still debatable, was that he lowered himself to a kneeling position, one leg at a time, sat on his heels and continued to stare out into space.

Sabrina smiled at me. "It's time for us to get started now. Let's see if we can't get a little help." She took out a Pokéball. "Kadabra…"

She didn't throw the Pokéball to release her, just let it open. Kadabra appeared at her side with a cheerful cry. She and Sabrina exchanged a smile that looked strangely familiar.

"Pi!" Pikachu grabbed onto my leg with a small impact. His tiny claws didn't just grab my jeans, they almost dug into my skin.

"Pikachu…?" I gently tried to shake him off, but he only moved so he was more behind me than to my side. "Hey…It's okay, you don't have to be afraid…"

"Kada…Kadabra!"  
_'__Hm…I know!'_

She jumped forward, which only made Pikachu cower more. Kadabra just smiled at him and extended a three-fingered hand.

_Three…_

I clenched my own fists while I watched to see what Pikachu would do. I had to move my leg a little to get any results. He stared at Kadabra for a while, then her hand, then at me so I could see his wide eyes. I gave him an encouraging nod. He nodded, reluctantly, and stuck out a paw. Kadabra shook it happily, surprising Pikachu even after all that I think. When they stopped, Kadabra peered up at me, then grinned and offered her hand.

"Oh. Uh, hi there." I squatted down to get to her height and readily accepter the handshake. "Nice to meet you…again."

"Kadabra!" she nodded.  
_'You too!'_

She turned to check if she missed anyone and found Espeon. She hopped over to her and offered her hand once again. Espeon looked her over once before smiling and raising her own paw. Kadabra shook it enthusiastically.

"Kadabra!"  
_'Nice to meet you!'_

"Espeon."  
_'__It's a pleasure.'_

"Okay Kadabra, I think that's everyone," Sabrina smiled.

"Kada." She hopped over to Sabrina's side.  
_'Right.'_

I turned to Pikachu, without getting up yet. "See Pikachu? Everything's okay."

"Pi." He didn't mover or say that very convincingly, but at least he wasn't scared anymore.  
_'I see.'_

I started to stand, but Sabrina stopped me.

"No, don't get up. Actually, have a seat," she said, and did so herself, kneeling sideways in the grass. Kadabra sat too, with a strangely Abra-like stance.

Since I was already so close to the ground, I simply let myself fall backwards onto my butt. I loosely crossed my arms over my knees and waited for whatever she wanted to do next. She didn't get to say anything, not even 'Look out!' Something zipped past my head and bounced in front of Pikachu, who jumped back in alarm. The large rock tipped onto its side and stayed there.

"Uh, oops! Sorry about that!" I turned to see Teresa waving apologetically from a short distance.

Sabrina turned a cold glare on her. "Just what are you doing!?" she demanded.

"I'm practicing!"

"You almost hit them!"

"It was an accident!"

"What were you doing with that rock in the first place?"

"_Practicing_, duh."

"Not here, not now," Sabrina stated, a definite sense of finality in her voice.

"What!? Why not?"

"You're being reckless…" Her eyes wandered to the still oblivious August.

"I am n-!"

"Why don't you practice meditation with August?"

"Wh-what!? No way! That's so _boring!"_

"It's good for you."

"It's just sitting there doing nothing!"

"Exactly," Sabrina replied with a satisfied smirk.

"Wh…You…" As I watched, her cheeks puffed and her face flushed. She held her arms rigid at her side, fists quivering. "Fine," she declared," I'll meditate. And I'll do the best damn job you ever saw." With that, she stiffly knelt on the ground, hands gripping her knees, body straight and rigid. She glanced at me once before squeezing her eyes shut.

Sabrina watched a moment longer before sighing and turning back to me. "I'm sorry about that…" she looked at the semi-mud-covered rock Teresa had thrown our way. "Kadabra, would you?"

"Kadabra." She waved her spoon and the rock floated back to where it came from, blue light carrying it.  
_'Certainly.'_

Sabrina nodded. "Now…we can begin."

"What are we gonna do…?"

She smiled. "The first thing we have to do is find a better way to cope with that headache of yours."

"Uhh…How are we gonna do that?"

"You have to train your mind to filter out what isn't important. Any psychic can sense another's powers if they try or not. If we try not to, then we won't. If we try to hide our powers from others, we usually can, unless someone with a greater power tries to sense it. But you don't have to worry about that. For now…I think some meditation would help you as well."

"Medi…Like them…?" I looked over at Teresa and August. Teresa's eyes widened when she saw me looking her way, and she quickly shut them tight again. August…still hadn't moved.

_She's not meditating…She's watching us…_

"Don't worry about them," Sabrina instructed. I turned back to her immediately. She had shifted position so now she was also sitting on her heels, her hands resting on her knees, but she looked much more relaxed than Teresa and lot more alive than August.

"Oh." I moved so I was sitting liked that too. My tail curled loosely around me. Her eyes flicked to it once, but quickly returned to me. I brought it a little closer to myself.

"Have you tried this before?" she asked.

"Uhhh…" I racked my brain for something similar. I could think of one thing, but I wasn't sure that counted. I shook my head. "No, not really."

"That's okay," she smiled, "It's really not as difficult as it seems. Just close your eyes and relax…"

"Okay…" I closed my eyes like she said and tried to relax. That seemed simple enough. Not like trying to bend spoons or anything. In fact, I started to guess I'd probably get to like this whole meditating thing. So far so good. Not very difficult. Couldn't really tell if I was relaxed or not, but I hoped I was. All I had to do was wait for whatever came next…Speaking of which…

I opened one eye to see Sabrina open hers.

"Hm?"

I blinked. "Um…What now?"

She laughed just a little. "If you were relaxed, you would know, and you wouldn't be worried about what comes next…Close your eyes."

I did after a moment. She continued speaking, her voice soft and gentle, but strong.

"Meditation is about peace of mind. When you find this, the whole of the world doesn't matter because it seems to be at peace at well. This is true relaxation…Ash, once you find it, don't forget what it feels like. It's that kind of peace that you'll need to use to protect yourself from that pain you felt before…"

I absorbed her words, but I had to stop listening after the first part. That had sounded strangely familiar, like something I'd felt before…and infinite peace…like…

I gasped softly, my eyes opened. I ignored Sabrina's abrupt stare. I raised my hand, holding it curved in front of my neck. I stared at the dim white shadow cast on it, pulsing softly, the drop of ice against my skin.

_All I have to do…_

I touched my hand to my Everstone, let the familiar coolness sweep through me. True relaxation? Definitely.

"Ash. Stop." A hand touched mine, pulled it away. I opened my eyes to see Sabrina close, warmth flooding the spaces my ice had started to fill. She lowered my hand, set it back on my leg. "That's incorrect…True peace of mind…comes from within…Try it without that and see how far you can go."

I didn't look at her face. Her hand was still on mine. Part of me was angry that she'd stopped me, part sad that the frost was gone. I was warm now, but still numb.

"But…"

She removed her hand, smiled. "Just try it. You know how it feels, right? See if you can't do that by yourself. Who knows, you might do a better job than that Everstone. She closed her eyes.

_Try it…It couldn't hurt to try…_

I closed my eyes and imagined my own ice, something cool and calming. I wasn't sure I was doing it right, but I hoped I was. Maybe I was trying too hard…I fidgeted.

"I'm bored."

The declaration came from my right. I startled and looked that way. Teresa was still kneeling there, but now she was scowling at Sabrina, who didn't hesitate to scowl back.

"If you're bored, then you're not meditating."

"No, I was. It's just boring."

_I was getting bored too…_

Sabrina glanced at me for a second, then frowned at Teresa again. "Would you rather do something else?"

"Yes!! _Please_!" She groaned, "My legs are cramping up!"

Sabrina sighed futilely. "I suppose…Well, Ash…how was that?"

"Uhh…I don't think I did it right…"

Espeon smirked. "Speon, esp…"  
_'I found that quite refreshing._'

She quavered but couldn't stop grinning at the scowls she received from me and Pikachu.

"I'm sure you'll get better," Sabrina chuckled.

"Uhh…Maybe…"

Sabrina looked at Teresa. "Well, what would you like to do now?"

"Umm…Oh! I know! Why don't you two have a Pokémon battle?!"

"Whaat?!"

"A Pokémon battle…?" Sabrina repeated thoughtfully. "Ash, you did mention you were having trouble with that…"

"Yeah…I _can't_."

Sabrina stood up and stretched her arms behind her back. "You can't?"

"Yes."

She eyed me for a moment, probably doing that mind-reading thing again. I eyed her back coldly. It didn't take psychic powers to figure out what she was thinking about.

"Show me."

_Is she crazy?_

"I can't…I told you that already."

"I want to see for myself."

_Why won't she stop…?_

I looked away. "Look, I'm sorry, but, I just can't…If you can't understand then…just leave it alone…"

"But I want to understand…" she said quietly.

_Too bad…___

I didn't reply. There wasn't anything more to say about that. If she wasn't going to stop, at least _I_ couldn't keep going.

"…Very well then. If you won't, maybe your Pokémon will…Kadabra! Psybeam!"

I jerked my head up intime to see Kadabra's eyes begin to shimmer. "What!?"

"Kadabra!" The bright multicolored Psybeam shot from her eyes directly towards Pikachu. My only thoughts were of the first time I'd seen that attack, back when I was challenging Sabrina for the Marsh Badge…and all the pain that had come to Pikachu…

Without a second thought, I dove in front of him to block the attack, taking it at full force by myself. The blast hit me in the side, stinging like electricity, but like all psychic attacks, traveled straight to the brain, rendering it into shock. I hit the ground, numb with pain, but before I could even try to get up, Sabrina called out again.

"Kadabra, now!"

"Kadabra!"

I saw her use Psybeam again, but this time the beam was aimed at Espeon. I couldn't even call out a warning before it hit. Espeon had just enough time to call up a weak Reflect to cut the damage, but it still blasted through, this time a direct hit to the head because of the way she crouched to use Reflect. Even her heightened psychic defense couldn't fully protect against that attack. Her pain tore through me from head to tail, and I gagged from the force of two consecutive hits.

I heard silence, then footsteps approaching me. I peered up to see Sabrina extending a helping hand…

_Helping? Yeah right._

I snarled and smacked her hand away, then tried to back away but rolled onto my back.

"Don't touch me," I warned her, "Don't come near me…"

"I'm just trying to help you…" If she was offended by my reaction, it only showed in some disappointment in her eyes. I was furious.

"_Help me?" I spat, "You tried to help me by _attacking_ me?!" I backed up and shakily stumbled to my feet but I couldn't stand up straight yet. I kept my eyes fixed on her in case she tried anything again._

"I'm sorry Ash," she said, "but that was the only way I could see-"

"_See!? You're frigging __psychic! What's there to _see_ that you didn't know already!?"_

That calm voice of hers was really pissing me off… "There's a difference between knowing and experiencing…and to fully understand, one must experience as well as know…"

"That's no excuse…"

She closed her eyes. "You're right. It's not. I'm sorry."

I continued to glare at her. My head was pounding from the attacks and my vision was blurred around the edges. "Sorry doesn't cut it."

After a moment, she looked up, a strange frown crossed over her eyes. "What more do you want from me?"

_What?_

I couldn't answer that. For some reason it felt like what she was asking didn't even apply to this situation, but rather…something more…

"Forget it." I turned to go. "Pikachu…Espeon…" I glanced at her. Like Pikachu, she stood up to follow me. "You alright?" I asked softly. She nodded. I started walking, wobbling a few times.

"Where are you going?" Sabrina asked. I didn't answer. For one, I didn't know, for another, I didn't care. "If you just wander off, someone's going to see you, you know."

I faltered at that, but no, I'd already made up my mind. I had to keep going. Anyone who might see me was going to find out about me anyway. It couldn't hurt…not like staying…

"…Hey wait up!"

I looked over my shoulder. Teresa was running after me. Sabrina stood there, silent, not trying to stop us. And August sat in that same spot, his back turned to me, still as always.

I kept walking.


	40. Fire And Ice

A/N: Hello. *^_^*; It's been a while yes, but I really hope this makes up for it…College is not easy, no…I'll put more in my profile if you care to read it. In any case…Here it is, after a long long wait, chapter forty. I'd like to make a few shout-outs that I was gonna do last time, but decided to save it for this chapter. That was before I realized it was going to take forever to write this.

In any case…A huge thanks to my wonderful readers and reviewers…Spruceton Spook, you're insane and it's great *^_^*; Dan/Silent Sigh, you came around later but have been a big boost of support Thanks; Light Sneasel, who was actually very impressive and wrote a fanfic based off this, and always leaves good insightful reviews; Marlex, who's been rather quiet in the early days but I've realized that you've been sticking with these fics for a very long time, so thank you so much; Pikajenn, who I thought I lost for a while but I'm glad I haven't. Thanks for your insightfulness and referring me to "From the Damage" *^_^*; and yes, Alex Warlorn…I am not sure how you do it. Kudos; and to anyone I might have overlooked, my sincerest apologies, but don't worry, while I may not have remembered your names, I've certainly appreciated it *^_^*;  
Thanks also to those of you who simply remain quiet or review occasionally. And thanks even to those who have stopped reading/reviewing, it was appreciated while it lasted.  
And, last, but definitely not least, a big humongous thanks and glomp for Locke Cole, my beta reader since chapter one of this fic, the first for both of us. You are awesome, this probably would simply suck more without you. :P

Figured it was about time I thanked all you guys, cuz yes knowing you guys like this stuff is sometimes the only thing that keeps me going. And so…without further ado…I give you chapter forty. Enjoy. *^_^*;

Chapter 40  


"Fire And Ice"

"Geez, tail-guy, I told you to wait up, why you try slowing down, at _least_?"

"That's not my name," I muttered without slowing down or looking back.

"Okay, fine. Soot, or whatever the hell your name was."

"Ash…Why are you following me anyway?"

"You should know that. I'm bored! You seem interesting. Different. I like that."

I glanced at her to see if she was being serious. As far as I could tell, which wasn't much, she was.

"I'm not that interesting, really."

"Naw, you are. I can tell. I'm psychic, remember?"

"…Oh."

She skipped a little until she was keeping pace with me and my Pokémon. Normally, I probably wouldn't have minded, but I wasn't exactly in the mood for company. I checked over my shoulder again. Sabrina was out of sight. All that was left was Teresa…

I sighed and slumped against the closest tree. Everyone else stopped too.

_That stupid Psybeam…_

"That's what you get for walking so fast," Teresa told me matter-of-factly. I scowled at her. "Oh don't give me that look. You know as well as I do that boring old Miz Sabrina wasn't going to chase us."

I looked that way one more time and waited a few more seconds, just in case. There still wasn't any sign of her.

"…You're right…" I murmured, "but…shouldn't she be? I mean…"

"If she's not, that probably means she doesn't have to," she replied flatly. I was probably boring her.

"What's that mean…?"

"Means she knows you'll come back." She yawned. "You think you won't?"

"No way. Not after what she did…She had no right…"

She laughed. She had a very loud laugh. "Maybe not, but that was pretty cool." I stared at her and she realized what she'd said. "I mean, not many people would do what you did…"

"Guess not," I muttered, looking away again. I wasn't sure what I did that she was talking about, but it didn't make a difference either way.

I could hear her fidgeting. It didn't take long for her to talk again. "So where are we going anyway?"

"We…?" She acted more impatient for my answer than offended at my question. I sighed. "I don't know…I just wanted to get out of there…I don't really care where I go…Here is fine, so long as she doesn't find us."

"Oh you can do better than that…Come on, wouldn't it be fun…" she turned and gestured to nowhere in particular, "…to just go away somewhere and never come back…?"

"…That's not all it's cracked up to be."

She turned to me incredulously. "You've done that before?"

I just nodded.

A strange grin grew on her face. "Wow, I had no idea…You don't really look like the type! Wow why would you go and do that, anyway? More people throwing Psybeams at ya?"

"No…" I groaned. This definitely wasn't what I needed right now…

"Did someone make you cry?"

"What??"

"Maybe you just needed a vacation!" she exclaimed.

"Would you _stop_!? It's really none of your business!"

"You're the one who brought it up…" she semi-pouted.

"What…?? How-? Nevermind!" I clutched my head and dropped it on my knees.

"Pikachu?" Pikachu asked.  
_'Want me to get rid of her?'_

Knowing Pikachu, there would be only one efficient method of doing that…

"I wish…No, it's okay…"

"What'd it say?" Teresa demanded.

"None of your business…"

_Wait…_

"Hey, I thought you were psychic. You can't tell?"

"You kidding me? It's a Pokémon! There's a _huge_ difference!"

"Pii…" Pikachu growled. I could hear his cheeks crackling.  
_'Watch it…'_

I stayed silent and stared at my shoes, overlooking my hands…

_That's what she thinks…That's what everyone thinks…_

I closed my eyes and bowed my head.

_Are they right…?_

"Huh…?"

I didn't have time to react to her voice or footsteps before she came and smacked me on the side of the head, painfully bending my ear.

"What the hell are you doing?! Didn't you just wake up??"

I didn't look up. "That hurt…"

I could almost feel her rolling her eyes. "Well soorry! Maybe you'd like me to use a psychic attack instead?"

_Was that supposed to be funny…?_

She was staring at me for a long time for her. "Wow, you're really serious! You can't take a little slap, and you still jump in front of Psybeams? You're crazy!"

I stood up angrily and deliberately avoided eye contact with her. "Look, I don't have to put up with this. If this is all you want to do, you'd better find someone else to play with, because I'm outta here. Come on Pikachu and Espeon."

If possible, I tried to move even faster than I had before.

Behind me, I heard Teresa clap her hands together. "Wow, that's the most you've said yet!" she exclaimed in excitement. "Do it again!" The next thing I knew, she'd run to my side again.

_She just doesn't take a hint…!_

I paused and stared at her. If anything, she seemed happy that I'd snapped at her. I didn't know what to do.

"So where are we going again?" she asked.

_I don't believe this!_

"…I don't know…" I muttered.

"That's boring…"

"Does everything have to be exciting…?"

"It's more fun that way," she replied.

"……Not always."

"Sure it is!" she smiled, "I bet you can't give me one good example when it's not!"

"How about when someone pulls two Psybeams on you when they're supposed to be helping you out?" I said dryly.

"That was fun!"

"Not for me!!"

"You need to lighten up…"

At that point I tried to ignore her and somehow we ended up walking in relative silence.

_I can't believe my bad luck. First that 'battle,' and now I'm stuck with this girl…Come to think of it, the battle was her idea in the first place, wasn't it? Did she think _that_ would be fun too? Why was that fun? What is her problem anyway!? Lighten up?! Why can't she calm down?1 There's nothing 'fun' about any of this…Nothing at all…_

She was watching me. I knew. I wasn't paying attention to that though.

_When was the last time something was fun…?_

She giggled lowly. "You done yet?"

"Huh?" I said reflexively. I still wasn't really listening to her.

"You think really loud. Even I could hear that."

_Not this again…_

"Would you mind…?"

"Not my fault!" She held both hands in front of her. "You gotta keep your thoughts to yourself!"

"You know, normally I'd be able to do that…" I replied snidely.

"Touchy."

"You think?" I growled.

"You need to chill out…I know! Let's play a game!"

"A game…?"

"Yeah! Uhh what can we play…?"

"How about 'leave Ash alone'…?" I suggested.

"That sounds boring…"

The way she said it I wondered if she even realized that wasn't a real game…

"I know!" she cried, far too loudly, and snapped her fingers. "We can play dodge ball!"

_Okay, she's insane…_

"With _what_!? And how the hell is that supposed to make me 'chill out'?"

"Umm…Ooh, I know!" She held a hand in Pikachu's direction. A blue haze surrounded him and he began to float in the air. At first he was just surprised and confused about what was going on, but when it became obvious, he started struggling against the air. "What's could be better than this cute little ball of fluff?"

"_Anything_," I said seriously, "Put him down, _now_."

"Aw, but he's so cute!" She brought him dangerously closer to her, and there really wasn't anything I could do to stop the inevitable…

I braced myself and shut my eyes against the brilliant flash of electricity. When I looked again, both of them were on the ground, but Pikachu looked ready to attack again.

"Pikachu…" I said softly. He glanced at me and I shook my head for him to lay off. He glared at her one more time before coming back to me.

I was trying to decide whether to take this opportunity to leave or make sure she was okay when she suddenly burst back to her feet.

"Wow!!" she exclaimed, "That was amazing! That little thing sure packs a mean punch!"

I could only stare at her. She was now spotted with electric burns and all she could do was compliment Pikachu…?

"…A…Are you…okay…?" I asked. Maybe the electricity fried her brain, but I wasn't so sure about that for some reason.

"Oh, I'm fine," she reassured me, "But really, that was cool! With power like that I bet you could even beat Sabrina!"

"Uhh…"

"Next time you two should _really_ battle! None of that stupid heroic stuff. That'd be so cool!"

_Cool?...Maybe once…but that feels like such a long time ago…_

I closed my eyes. "…No. I don't battle, and that's that." I turned around to leave.

"Sure ya do! Didn't you say you were a Master or something like that?"

"Champion…" I whispered, my voice wavering. I swallowed and tried to continue, just to make sure she understood. "And yeah, I _was_…but not anym-"

"Then it should be no problem! That means you're good right? Then-"

"Look, I _quit_ for a _reason_!", I spun around and shouted blindly at her. I could feel my eyes stinging. I didn't want to think about that anymore. Just another thing I'd left behind. Something that I truly loved…

I turned and ran. I just couldn't take it anymore. I heard my Pokémon yell and then run after me. I didn't wait for them. They'd be able to catch up. I didn't hear Teresa yell or try to follow me.

_Good. Just stay there, please…_

I'd started crying before I tripped, but that didn't help any. My arms stung from the fall and I didn't want to get up. It seemed like my tears had been jarred loose and now fell freely. I put my face on the back of my hands to soak up the tears. The fresh earth beneath me tickled my nose and eyes. I swallowed back the small lump in my throat and pushed myself up. I weakly brushed the dirt and twigs and leaf bits from my bare arms before using them to uselessly wipe my tears. I struggled to get up.

_I gotta keep going…I have to keep going…_

"Pikapi!"

"Espeon!"

I looked over my shoulder, my hands still on the ground. I was sure my face was red. They slowed down once they were close to me. Pikachu was as worried as I'd ever seen him before. Espeon remained somehow neutral, but that was natural for her species.

"Piikachu…?"  
_'Are you okay?'_

I looked down. I hated that question. So hard to answer…

I shook my head. "…I will be…I just…I…"

"Speon…"  
_'I don't think I like that girl.'_

"I _know_ I don't like her!" I hit the ground in frustration.

"Pi, pikachu pi."  
_'I'll make sure to shock her more next time.'_

_What?_

"…No…No, I…Just…No, don't do that…" I sighed. As much as I didn't like her, electrocuting her wasn't gonna make anything better. Besides, the idea just made me uncomfortable.

"Chu…?"  
_'Why not?'_

"…Just don't…"

_Why, really? Maybe I just don't want to hurt another living creature. There's nothing wrong with that…But why did she say all those things?...That hurt me too…_

A rustling sound interrupted my thoughts and I jerked my head up. Teresa was pushing a bush out of the way, but she grinned broadly when she looked at me. I narrowed my eyes and looked the other way. It was too late to run again…

"There you are!" she pronounced, "I know you couldn'ta got too far. Geez, I didn't know you were gonna take off like that!...Oh and now you're not speaking to me either? Give me a break…You're crying aren't you?" I gritted my teeth and clenched my fist but didn't dare turn around. "…Wow you really are! I didn't know you were so damn sensitive! You're even a guy and everything. Wow."

"What?" I let that one slip. What she just said didn't make any sense…

"Whaddaya mean 'what'? Boys don't _cry_. Hell, only wussies cry."

"…That's stupid," I muttered. It was the best comeback I could think of at the moment.

"What are you talking about? Everyone knows that. Where've you been?"

_Ask a stupid question…_

I decided I'd been better off ignoring her so I went back to doing that.

After a moment, she let out a low whistle. "You're really serious, huh…? That's so weird…Well I guess I'd better apologize then! I didn't know you'd take everything so seriously! And being really sensitive too? That's gotta suck for you. Well, I'm sorry in any case, but you still gotta lighten up, pal. It's just not healthy to keep crying and running away like that.

_…She…Okay, I still don't know what's going on with her._

I stood up slowly but was careful not to look at her. "Have you ever considered taking some things seriously and being a little sensitive?" I asked quietly.

"Now why on earth would I do something like that?"

I sighed. "Didn't think so…"

She laughed and the next thing I knew, I'd received a hearty slap on the back before she draped her arm around my shoulders. "See?! You take things too seriously! I mean, really! Do you honestly think a person can act the same way _all_ the time? A normal person at least. Let's not count Gus. Anyways, come on, don't tell me you're this moody _all_ the time!"

_Moody…? Me……?_

"…Uhh……" I forced a laugh, a small pathetic one, but I couldn't keep it up.

She just stared at me, horrified. "…Good god…You _are_! That – You - ! _Argh_!" She started viciously stomping the ground. "I can't believe it! _Whyy_!? Why does she always have to find the weird ones?! Would it kill her to bring me someone normal to talk to for a change?! I don't _believe_ this!!"

"Uh. Hey…" I said, somewhat offended at being thrown out of the 'normal' category when she obviously wasn't included herself.

She finally stopped and sighed to herself. "I guess it shouldn't surprise me. It's just stupid Miz Sabrina picking these guys anyway…"

_Picking? That doesn't sound right…_

"Um…Excuse me, but, Sabrina didn't pick me…I came here on my own."

"Oh…" she stared at me, "You're one of _those_?"

"What…?"

"One of those stupid people who sign up so they can learn how to use psychic powers…"

_Did she just…_

"What-…?!"

She blinked. "What?"

"I'm just here so they'll stop bothering me! I don't want to use them at all!" My voice quivered and my eyes started stinging again.

"You're crying again!" she exclaimed. I straightened up and dared to fight it, but she was making me mad and that was making it worse for some reason. "I'm not gonna haveta watch what I say around ya am I?" She laughed. "That's too bad, cuz there's no way I'm gonna bother with that! You'll just have to deal with it!"

I didn't say anything. I stared at the ground instead.

"Why don't you want to _use_ psychic powers anyway?" she continued, "They're fun! And, c'mon, _really_ powerful. What could be better than that?"

Maybe all he wants is a normal life… Espeon growled. I stared at her in surprise. She rarely ever spoke telepathically…

"_Speon_," she muttered under her breath.  
_'…bitch.'_

Teresa stared at her too. "That's it?" She looked at me up and down and tilted her head to see my tail better. "That's never gonna happen."

"Speon…"  
_'Why you-!'_

"Pika!"  
_'Hey!'_

Both my Pokémon looked ready to rip her lungs out, but I couldn't move. The way she'd said it…so simply and so…obviously…because it was obvious, wasn't it? The truth had been with me all along but I'd spent all my time trying my hardest to ignore it…

"Guys…" I still couldn't move, couldn't stop staring at nowhere. "Lay off……She's right……"

"Pii?!"  
_'What?!'_

"_Espeon_!"  
_'_Don't say that_!'_

I turned my head away from all of them, bit back painful tears which came out anyways. It was the truth…Blunt and so very harsh…

"Aw man, there he goes again…You're not gonna make me cheer you up…are ya? That's pretty silly. You should do that yourself. It's not my problem."

"Then why don't you leave me alone?" I whispered.

"_That_ just wouldn't be fun," she retorted, "You're the strangest person I've seen in a while. I'm not gonna pass this up!"

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and turned away from her. "Fine. Do whatever the hell you want. I don't care." I started walking again. Pikachu and Espeon followed after a few steps. I don't think they liked where this was going, but I couldn't see any better way.

Teresa clapped her hands together. "Alright! Does this mean we get to do fun things now?!" I didn't answer, but that didn't stop her from running up to keep pace with me. "Oh what should we do first…something really exciting so you won't be all grumpy any more…Oh I know! Come on!"

I didn't even have time to get a "Huh?" out before she grabbed my arm and started running. I stumbled and tripped a lot before finally matching step with her. My Pokémon also ran after us in concern.

"Where are we going!?"

"You'll see!"

_Oh great…_

It didn't take me long to realize that she was running us out of the park, and I knew that that in general was just a bad idea. I tried to get her to stop before we would just suddenly burst onto the streets of Saffron City. It worked…barely.

"Wait! Waitwaitwait, _stop_!" I dug my heels into the ground and grabbed a nearby sapling as we ran. That jerked her back enough to realize that I'd stopped running.

"What's your problem _now_?!" she demanded.

"I-I…I don't want to go out there…"

"Out _where_? We're already out!!"

I shook my head. "No, I mean…" I waved at the city beyond the quickly dispersing woods. "…out _there_…"

"_Huh_!?" She peered at me, and then glanced behind her, then back at me. "I don't get it."

"What's not to get…? I can't just walk out there! I…I……" I looked down. My tail curled on the ground by my feet.

"For crying out loud…You won't know until you try! Come on, let's go!" With that she grabbed me again and pulled me out of the park, despite my very best efforts to stop her.

I froze once we hit the sidewalk. I didn't want to look up. I wanted to move, but away, and I knew she wouldn't let me do that.

"See?! Nothing bad's happening! Okay, let's go!" She started marching off to the left, but I still couldn't move.

_She said nothing bad's happening…Maybe…Maybe right now, but…that doesn't mean…_

"What's taking you so long?! Come _on_! Geez, you're worse than a Slowpoke!"

I blinked and looked up. Cars were going by on the street. People on the other side kept walking. In the buildings and skyscrapers around us, more people continued their daily work. Nothing seemed to have changed.

"Come on, this isn't rocket science! Just put one foot in front of the other! It's easy!!"

"Pika, pikachu?" Pikachu mumbled.  
_'You sure this was a good idea?'_

I didn't answer verbally. Instead, I followed Teresa's advice. "…Where are we going?" I asked her blandly.

"Thought you'd never ask," she grinned.

"I already did."

"…Oh." She made a face. "It doesn't matter then. Don't worry, it's gonna be fun."

"After all this, it better be," I sighed.

She chuckled. "Oh it will be. Trust me."

And that's when I knew to worry.

"You ever been to Celadon?" she asked after we'd been walking a while.

"…Yeah…"

"Isn't it cool? It's so big and it's go this huge shopping center…Of course, it's not half as cool as Saffron, but that's because I live here." She grinned.

"…Oh."

"Hey!" She snapped her fingers. "I've got it! We could go to the gym and you can battle for that shiny badge thingy! Wouldn't that be fun?!"

"No…and I already have the Rainbow Badge…"

"You do!?" she gasped, "Let me see!"

"I can't…I left all my badges at home…"

"What!? Why would you do that! I wanna see!"

I frowned at the ground as we walked. "I…don't need them anymore. I'm not a trainer, remember?"

"What? That's stupid. You should be. You'd probably be good."

I blinked.

_I was the best…She…doesn't realize that…_

"Oh whatever. You can do that later. For now, let's have some fun!"

She turned off the sidewalk and headed up some steps to a…train station?

"Um…Where are we going again?" I asked hesitantly.

"Celadon!" she replied without looking back, "See, if we go by train it'll take us two seconds instead of two days!"

"…Oh…"

By the time I caught up with her, she was already in line for tickets. She turned to me excitedly. "Okay, it's time for you to learn what being psychic is really all about," she whispered and winked.

"…Huh?"

"Lesson one," she held up one finger, "Getting free train tickets!"

"W-What!? Isn't that _illegal_?"

"Only if you get caught."

"B-but…"

"Oh come on, you've seen 'Starmie Wars', haven't you?"

"Wasn't that the sequel to 'Clefairys in Space'?"

"Yeah!"

"Those movies were dumb! Real Pokémon are nothing like that, even if they would be from outer space!"

"Give me a break. They wouldn't make a blockbuster movie out of something totally fake! It's Hollywood after all!"

"B-but-"

"Anyways, watch and learn my young apprentice."

"I'm _not_ your-"

We were up, so she turned and smiled broadly at the ticket guy, someone probably about her age.

"We'd like two tickets to Celadon please," she said smoothly. I could tell she was doing _something_ psychically, but I wasn't sure what…

"That'll be 400 Pokéyen," he replied.

Teresa blinked. "Er…No…They're free, remember?"

"Not unless you've got a pass."

"But…you don't understand…We're…not paying…"

_Oh brother…_

"It's only 400 Pokéyen," I whispered to her, "Forget it and let's just pay…or we could stay here."

"No…" she growled back, "We're getting these tickets for free."

"_Why_…?"

"Look ma'm, if there's a problem, you can take it up with the manager, or the police," the guy said.

"Police?" she squeaked. I suddenly found myself being pushed towards the booth. "Uh you know what, don't worry about it! He's got us covered."

"Me?" I blinked.

"Yes!" she hissed, "Now hurry up and buy our tickets!"

"Why am I paying for _both_ of us?"

"Because you're a gentleman."

_That is the lamest…_

"…You're lucky I am," I muttered under my breath as I got out the money for the tickets and bought them.

"Thank you for your patronage. Please enjoy your trip. Next," he said.

We quickly made our way to the platforms, but Teresa wasn't very happy about it.

"I can't believe he made us _pay_ for tickets!" Teresa growled, shaking her fists.

"Yeah, imagine that," I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, shut up," she muttered, "Eh, don't worry. What we do next will be a lot more fun."

"We're not going shopping are we?" I asked warily. She _had_ mentioned the shopping center, but I definitely didn't want to go near that type of place with a girl, especially not a crazy one.

"Oh, no…this'll be a lot more fun. But! If you want, we can go shopping afterwards! That'll be fun too!"

"Um…No thanks."

"Aw…"

We proceeded to the next ticket guy. He looked ready to take our tickets, and then he stopped when he saw me. I guess the other guy couldn't see enough because he was behind the desk. This guy wasn't.

"Uh…" he blinked at me again.

Before I could respond one way or another, Teresa pushed in front of me. "Dude, we wanna get on the train. Can we just go ahead and do that?"

"Uh……I…think, so…"

"Good." She glanced at me. "Charcoal, show him the tickets already."

"My name is Ash…" I sighed, but still gave them to the guy.

He tore off the stubs and gave them back. "P-platform ten…" he told us.

"Thank ya very much!" Teresa said enthusiastically while clapping me on the back and leading me to said platform.

I let her do that, because…I wasn't sure what else to do…and besides…she'd gotten me this far without anything bad happening. I was pretty sure if I'd tried all that on my own, _something_ would've happened…not that I would've tried any of that on my own…

Nothing very unexpected happened on the train. Yes, I was stared at by most everyone. Teresa got some peanuts and I had to explain to her that complimentary meant they were free with the ride. Not sure she believed me. In any case, the ride wasn't very long considering Celadon is practically next door to Saffron, so we didn't have much time for anything else there.

Once we got outside, she grabbed me again and started running. I didn't have a choice but to follow her. She ran us straight to a rather large, gaudy, neon-covered building.

"Celadon City Game Corner…?" I read outloud.

"Yup! It's lots of fun! Let's go inside!"

"Ookay…"

Inside it was loud, and it would've been dimly lit too if not for the hundreds of flashing signs over slot machines and various other brightly lit gambling things. Pikachu jumped onto my shoulder and I felt Espeon edge closer to me. I could only stare in awe, but I wasn't sure if I was impressed or horrified.

Teresa, on the other hand, was ecstatic. "See, I told you we'd go somewhere fun!" she exclaimed, having to raise her voice to be heard over the constant clatter of coins, machines and voices.

"This is a casino!" I yelled back.

"No shit! Come on, let's go get tokens!"

"But I don't-"

And she dragged me away again, this time to a desk with a huge yellow sign that said "COINS" overhead.

"I really don't think-" I tried again.

"Shut up, this is going to be fun."

At the desk, the lady working there raised her eyebrows when she saw Teresa.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to play," she replied tersely.

"You know you can't do that…"

"What are you talking about?! I can do whatever I want!"

"Teresa…We took your coin case away for a reason…"

"Yeah, well I need it to play, so give it back!"

The lady sighed and shook her head. "I'm sorry, we can't do that…"

"Oohhhh…You guys never let me have any fun!" Teresa growled.

"Sorry," she shrugged, "That's what happens when you cheat."

"But you don't win if you don't cheat!"

"Well, yes, that's the point of a casino…"

I tapped Teresa on the shoulder. I didn't really know what was going on, but it seemed to be in my favor. "Does this mean we can go now?" I asked.

I could almost see the light bulb flash over her head. She went from pouting to excited very very quickly. "Oh yeah I almost forgot!" she cried and shoved me forward, "Even if I can't play, at least he can, right?"

"Uhh…" The lady stared at me for a while and I stared back nervously. Finally, she asked, "How old are you?"

"Um. F-"

"He's eighteen! He's just underdeveloped," Teresa butted in quickly.

I blinked a _lot_ at that. "What…? No I'm-_Ow!_" I winced as a sudden sharp pain shot through my tail. It took me a moment to realize that she'd stepped on it…purposefully…

"_Get off,_" I whispered desperately.

"…I'll need to see some id…" the lady said, far too slowly.

"No, cuz I'm not- _Ow! _Stop that!!" I glared dangerously at Teresa, but it didn't do any good because she wasn't looking at me.

"Oh come on," she said to the lady, "I wouldn't lie to you, would I?"

"Oh yes you would," the lady replied.

"Not about something like this!"

"Especially something like this."

"_Get off my tail!_" I cried and shoved into her knocking her away and thankfully off my now very sore tail. I crouched down and massaged it tenderly, trying to ease away the pain.

"Pikachu…?" Pikachu whispered.  
_'You okay?'_

I didn't answer. Meanwhile, both Teresa and the desk lady were staring at me, plus probably whoever else was in the general vicinity. I let them. There was nowhere to hide anymore. Even if there was, they'd still find me. Someone always did. What was the point?

But more than just that…I…I pushed her. Just because of a little pain. Maybe it hadn't hurt her, but in another situation…it could've been different…I lost my temper…I can't do that…It's too dangerous…

"…Whoa…Chill out, man…"

_But she hurt me…_

"It's just a tail. I'm sure you can find another one just like it if you look hard enough."

_Why…Why does everything have to hurt…? What am I supposed to do about it…? Nothing…?_

"Um…Cinders? You okay?"

"…Ash…" I whispered without opening my eyes.

"Oh, right, yeah. Um…Something wrong?"

_Yes…Yes there is…_

The desk lady cleared her throat. "Um, maybe you should go before you make a scene…"

_Right…like we haven't already…_

"Oh……but……Oh _fine_…Come on, you…" Teresa grabbed me by the arm again and I numbly followed after. Outside, we kept walking, but I didn't look where.

"Geez, you've got some majors problems, Dusty…" she muttered.

You're_ telling _me_…?_

"…My name is Ash…" I whispered.

"Whatever. You look like a Dusty." She stopped and turned around so we were face to face and her hands were on her hips. "I don't see why you had to make such a big deal of it. I know what I'm doing, so you can just let me handle things."

"You handle them badly," I said bluntly.

"Hmmph…" she frowned, "Well at least I don't crying over every little thing that goes wrong! Really, _grow up_."

I felt tears coming but I held them back and straightened up. "If you had any idea-" I started, my voice quivering, but I stopped. Her eyes were cold and skeptical, as if daring me to come up with an excuse. I looked down. "Nevermind. You don't care anyway." I started to go. I wasn't sure where the train station was, but I knew I'd find it eventually.

"Oh, okay. Fine, just walk away. Is that how you deal with all your problems?"

_…What?_

I stopped despite myself and glanced back.

"You're not gonna gain anything if you just keep giving up. That's a guaranteed loss. I mean, if you're cool with that, go ahead, but you're gonna end up crying a whole lot more, let me assure you."

_Is that true……But what else am I supposed to do…? There's nothing else……_

I closed my eyes and kept walking. I heard her start after me too, but she kept her distance. After a while, she spoke again.

"You have any idea where you're going?"

"……No."

"The train station's in the other direction."

I stopped. "Oh." I turned around and walked past her as quickly as I could. She continued to follow me.

"You gonna go home now?" she asked, "Didn't seem like you wanted to stay in Saffron…"

"…Sure, why not?" I muttered.

"Well, uh…you better make sure you get your stuff before you leave, right? Probably don't want to leave it there."

"…Right."

She was quiet for a while after that, but spoke up again before we reached the station. "Hey, Ash…?"

I almost stopped at that, but didn't. I just glanced back expectantly.

She fidgeted a little. "Um…Just…Uhh…………S-……Sorry…that…that you didn't have fun today. I tried…" She wasn't looking at me, instead was shuffling and moving her hands everywhere trying to get comfortable.

_…That was really hard for her……_

I stopped and waited. She stopped about five feet away from me. She looked a little apprehensive. I sighed. "Don't worry about it…It's…probably not your fault anyway. I…probably just can't have fun anymore…"

She blinked. "Oh man, that's really sad now. We gotta fix that. Hey I kno-!……Or not…Nevermind…"

I nodded and we kept walking to the station. At the ticket booth, she shoved me in front again. "Hey you don't mind paying for my ticket again, do ya? Thanks a bunch!"

And I couldn't help but wonder…but in any case, we both made it back to Saffron with the tickets I bought.

* * *

She helped me find my way back to Sabrina's house and then I was on my own again.

Inside, it was quiet. I wasn't sure where her family would be. It was getting kind of late. I didn't mind that they weren't there. I didn't feel like making a big scene out of leaving anyway. I could worry about big scenes once I was safely back in Pallet…Assuming it was safe in Pallet while I was there…

I made my way back to my room without too much trouble. Did pass that door again. No longer cared too much about it.

I froze once I opened the door to my room. Someone was sitting on my bed…Sabrina.

She looked up and smiled at me. "Hello, Ash."

I stood there just staring at her for a few seconds, then narrowed my eyes in return. I entered and turned to pack my stuff.

"I've been thinking about what happened today. I think you might be interested in what I came up with," she continued as if nothing was wrong. I forcefully ignored her. "Do you know what this is?" I didn't turn around. I didn't care. "It's a tuning fork. They play a certain note when you strike them. Listen." I heard a slap behind me, and then one single tone that gradually faded away.

_What does this have to do with anything…?_

"That was an A," she told me, "Here, this one is also an A, but an octave higher." I heard another slap and then a higher pitched note. I still didn't know where she was going with this, so I kept ignoring her. "So they sound a little different, but they're really the same note," she said, "Do you know what will happen when I strike one while it's close to the other?"

_…Huh?_

I looked over my shoulder to see exactly what she was doing. She picked up both tuning forks, pieces of metal shaped like long skinny Ys, and hit the larger one against her knee. It started vibrating and that one note was heard. She lifter it up so it was parallel to the small one and then that second higher note began to sound too.

"What…?"

She set them both down and they stopped ringing. "This is called sympathetic resonance, a very interesting phenomenon. It also…sounds a bit familiar to you?"

I blinked, then stared at the forks in her lap. "I…"

"There are two ways to prevent it…One is the muffle the sound. The other is to change one of them so they're playing different notes and are no longer sympathetic…Of course, if they're not near each other, it doesn't work either…" She stood up and walked to my desk, then placed the tuning forks on it. "The choice is yours."

With that, she smiled at me one last time and walked out of the room.

"…Pika, pika?" Pikachu asked.  
_'What was that?'_

I dropped my backpack where I stood and walked over to the desk. I picked up the larger fork and stared at it and my split reflection. When I struck it on the desk, it rang loudly. When I picked up the other one, it rang too, and I could feel them both vibrating through the handles.

Espeon padded next to me.

"Esspeon…" she asked.  
_'We're not going home, are we?'_

I sighed softly and set them both down. I shook my head. "No…" I whispered, "I…We can't just give up now…"


	41. Going Uphill

Chapter 41  


"Going Uphill"

"I'd like to perform a few more tests before we decide on any specific course of action," Sabrina told me as my Pokémon and I followed her down the halls of the gym, "Is that alright with you?"

"…Sure."

"Good…I hope you've been thinking about what you want to do at least, even if you haven't decided on anything."

"…Yeah, I…have…thought about it."

"That's good." She paused to open a door and let us in, then shut it after us.

The room was small, but still larger than the one she'd brought me to for the first test. There was a table, a couple of chairs, and another door opposite the one we'd come through.

"Kadabra…" Sabrina opened her Pokéball and let her out. I gave her a questioning look and she smiled. "We may need her help. It's best to be prepared."

"Oh……What are we going to uh do?"

"You'll see."

I didn't like the sound of that. "…Oh."

"It…may hurt a little," she said softly.

"What!?"

She shook her head. "Nothing that won't go away given a few minutes, I assure you."

"But-but why…?"

"That's your biggest complaint, right? We need to do something about it, the sooner the better. The more we know, the better we can deal with it."

"But…"

"I'm going to need your Pokémon to help too."

"What? Why do y-…" I blinked. No, I knew why. It was obvious. "You're…You're gonna hurt them…aren't you…?" I got a slight nod. It was all I needed. I shook my head. "N-no…No. Don't…" I shook my head more. "Look, you can do what you want to me, but not my Pokémon…Please…"

"Piika!" Pikachu interrupted me. I stared at him in surprise. "Pika pika pi_ka_chu! Pika pika!"  
_'__Stop it Ash! We're in this as much as you are! We can handle it!'_

Espeon nodded her agreement.

I blinked. "What? You guys…" I shook my head. "No! It's not worth it…"

"Piika."  
_'__I think it is.'_

"Essspeon…Espeon."  
_'__Stop lying to yourself Ash…You're worth it.'_

_But you don't know…what I do…_

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Spe…"  
_'Is that so?'_

I stared at her in response, shocked.

_Did she just…?_

Sabrina cleared her throat. "So…are we ready to start?"

"No."  
"Pika!"  
"Espe!"  
_'__Yes!'_

I glared at my Pokémon, but they just glared right back, but unlike me, they were perfectly confident that they were right.

"I guess it's settled then," Sabrina said, doing her best to hide a small smile at the corner of her mouth, "Ash, could you please go in that room there?"

"What…?" I didn't remember agreeing to any of this…

"Just go sit in there, that's all."

I rapidly went through a thousand possibilities of what could be waiting for me behind that door. Not many of them were very pleasant at all.

I guess Sabrina realized that I wasn't going to open it on my own, so she did it for me and also beckoned me in. There was nothing but a chair inside that tiny space behind the door.

"…Why do you want me to go in there?"

"Just because."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm not going to do anything to you."

"Huh…?" My eyes widened as I realized what she meant. "You-! My Pokémon! You're gonna…"

"Please Ash. It's for your own good."

"My good is well enough on its own," I muttered.

"Is it?"

I glared at her and that knowing twinkle in her eyes. "Better than when people keep trying to hurt me…"

Her expression became suddenly serious. "If that's how you truly feel, then go back to wherever it is that you call home and lock yourself away again, because there's nothing I or anyone else can do to help you in that case."

_What…?_

I stared at her, but not because of her, just because she was directly in front of me.

_She won't help me…? Because…I don't want to be hurt……Lock myself away? How does she know I've tried that? Oh…But…why…why can't she help? She's saying it would be better for me to give up than…than to try to keep things painless……_

I stared at the ground.

_I see…_

"……Well?" she asked expectantly.

I answered by walking into the small area and sitting down on the chair. She smiled at me while she closed the door.

There was a light in there so at least I wasn't stuck in the dark. That was the only good thing though. The room seemed even tinier with the door closed. There were no other openings, no windows, just the crack under the door, and me sitting in that stiff wooden chair, trying to remain calm.

I could hear them whispering through the door, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. It didn't make sense because I knew I should've been able to understand. After a moment, they were quiet, which probably meant something was about to happen.

It came in the form a sharp bright pain in my arm. I clutched it futilely, even after realizing that I wasn't actually feeling my own pain, but…someone else's. That didn't stop it from hurting. It lessened after a while, but was quickly followed by another pain, this time in my side. After that one went away, another one came, in my hand. It faded too, but didn't erase the burning memory of any of them.

_She's doing this on purpose!…And I agreed to let her…_

The door swung open and a smiling Sabrina appeared above me. I couldn't possibly return her cheery look.

"Well, how was that? Not too bad, huh?……Um, why don't you come out and tell me what heppened, if anything," she asked while gesturing over to the other table. I got up, walked over, and sat in one of the chairs, still keeping my silence. She sat in the other chair across from me.

"…Well?"

I looked down.

_All she wants me to do now is talk…I guess I could do that. I just hope this all ends up as something worthwhile. And besides…Hey._

"Can't you just read my mind and find out?"

She continued smiling. "Sure, I _could_…But I'd rather have you tell me."

_That doesn't make any sense…_

"…I felt pain."

"Describe it."

"……It was sharp, very warm, almost hot."

"Did it injure you?"

"Uh…" I checked all the spots really quick. "Um, I don't see anything. No I don't think so."

"Was it in any specific location?"

"It was in three places, one after another."

"Show me."

I did. I showed her the spot on my arm, my side, and my hand.

"I see. Okay, Ash, tell me, could you tell, by the pain itself, what was causing it?"

"You were hurting the Pokémon," I said coldly.

"You could tell all that just from the pain, not by anything else?" She sounded almost surprised.

"……Yeah."

"Do you know which Pokémon…?"

"All of them."

"In order?"

"……" I touched the spots in order as I named them. "Pikachu. Espeon. Kadabra."

Her eyes widened slightly and tilted downwards. "I see."

"…Is that all?"

"Do you know what I was using to hurt them?"

"…A needle."

"What kind?"

"A sewing needle."

"…Correct." She placed it on the table, and my heart skipped a beat. "Did anything else happen?" she asked.

"What?"

"Did you notice anything else while you were in there?"

"Uh…I don't think so, why?"

A sad shade fell oer her eyes at that. "I also healed each of them directly afterwards…You didn't feel that?"

I blinked and tried to remember if I had. "Uh…no…They did kinda go away after awhile, but…I don't think I remember them being _healed_…"

"…I see…" She stood up. "I'll teleport you back to my house now if you want. You might want to get some rest while I go over these results. Is that okay?"

"Uh…I guess so."

"Okay." Her eyes shown blue and a white light appeared around me. When it was gone, I was back in my borrowed bedroom, with Pikachu and Espeon.

I blinked and looked around. "That was quick…" I turned to my Pokémon. "Are you guys okay…?"

They both nodded their reassurances, but I was hesitant to believe them.

"Espe?" Espeon asked.  
_'Are you?'_

"Uh……I'll be fine." I turned around to go to my bed and sat on it. "Well, Sabrina told me to rest, so, I guess I'll do that."

"Piika?"  
_'__That doesn't mean go to sleep!'_

"Spe, espe. Espeon?" Espeon said slyly.  
_'Funny. Why doyou start listening to her _now_?'_

"I did listen to her before!"

"Espeon…"  
_'Not half so willingly.'_

"Well, for once she's not putting anyone's life in danger. How about that?"

"Pii? Pipi, pikachu!"  
_'Whaat?__ No one's life was ever in danger!'_

"……They were still dangerous……"

Espeon sighed. "Spe…"  
_'This is hopeless…'_

Pikachu ignored her and stepped forward. "Piika, pikachu? Pika pika pipi, pikachu?!"  
_'__So what if it's dangerous?! Since when has that ever stopped you?'_

"Since it became pointless," I replied without missing a beat, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna take a nap." With that, I rolled over to do just that.

Behind me, I could hear them whisper.

"Es…pe…"  
_'Maybe…'_

"Pika…Pikachu…Pi."  
_'No…He's wrong…I know it.'_

            *  *  *

My Pokémon weren't in the room anymore when I woke up. They probably got bored…Espeon was never one to sleep while the sun was up, that's for sure.

I sat up and let my legs hang over the edge of the bed. I could feel the sun on my back through the curtains, the only source of light in the room. I stretched and stood up. Didn't seem like I'd slept for very long. Sabrina probably wouldn't need me again for a while.

The room was still pretty empty. All of note were the…the tuning forks on the desk.

I picked them up. They shone in the light as I turned them over in my hands.

_They're just pieces of metal…!_

I dropped on on the desk and it clattered loudly, but somehow still in tune…and still in perfect harmony with the one remaining in my hand. I froze, watching and listening to the single yet jointed vibration.

_Why…?_

I grabbed one of the prongs and pulled as hard as I could. I didn't stop. Not when it started to budge. Not until it had twisted to bend at a horrible angle. As soon as I was satisfied I picked up the first one and struck my newly shaped one on the table. It sang in a discordant voice, leaving the other one untouched.

I stared at the both of them, with a strained sense of relief.

_…I did it…_

I'd fixed it so it wouldn't vibrate with the other one all the time. They could be independent of each other. I set them back on the desk, pleased at that.

After that, I decided it would be best to find my Pokémon. I was a little hungry and I'm sure they were too. With any luck, they were raiding Sabrina's kitchen, and I had a feeling that wouldn't be pretty.

I wandered the hallways for a while, trying to find the stairs. It wasn't really working for some reason. My frustration was just starting to catch up with me when I found myself staring at an all too familiar dead end…or…was it? It _was_ a door after all. All doors have to lead _somewhere_, don't they?

I didn't really recall walking up to it, but I guess I had, because I was able to lightly place my left hand on the wood, as if testing to see if it would burn me, and grip the doorknob with my right, so I could open it.

I heard a click and it turned, letting me slowly ease the door open.

Inside, it was dark. There was only one small window, mostly covered up, by the ceiling, and at first glance I couldn't see any lights to turn on. I stepped inside while fumbling with the walls, trying to find a light switch. The door shut behind me, and even while it wasn't particularly loud, it made me jump. That's when I noticed the dangling string above my head which was attached to a bare light bulb. I pulled it, and it clicked, but the light didn't turn on.

By then, my eyes had adjusted to the dark thanks to a tiny crack of light from the window.

For the first time, I really looked at my new surroundings. I gasped out loud at what I saw.

First I saw their faces, small, blank, lifeless. Then I saw the rest of them, equally small, stiff, posed in a way that only they could stay in. There was a small bookcase full of them. Dozens of…dolls. Not the big, carefully handcrafted kind like her mom made in the basement. These were crude, pocket-sized, stuffed dolls…exactly the kind she had turned Brock and Misty into five years ago…

I suddenly felt light-headed.

_What…What does this mean? Did she…Does she still…?_

I dropped to my knees, and blinked, still in shock. That's when I saw _them_, just sitting there, like all the rest. They were the last ones, and seeing them, I knew this couldn't be what I'd first thought. Misty and Brock were fine. I knew that for a fact…but then…what were these…_really_…?

They _did_ just look like normal dolls…really cheap ones, but still just regular dolls. Maybe she did make them by hand? No…No, there was still something strange about them, I could tell. Probably had something to do with the fact that Misty and Brock were sitting there with them.

From my spot on the ground, I looked around the very small, incredibly dark room for any other clues. The only thing that really caught my eye was a large cardboard box on the floor to my left. It just looked like any normal type of box someone might find in an attic or basement or something. It looked kinda old, worn, closed for the most part, but of course, the more stubborn flaps refused to remain down correctly.

I crawled closer, almost afraid to see what was inside, but far too curious not to look. I tilted the closest flap towards me and brought it down…and there were more of them…lots more…but, these were…different. They were all white. Completely. Not a mark on them.

Now I was really confused. Were they all just those weird "color-me" dolls? I glanced at the ones on the shelves again. No, those were way too detailed, even in this darkness. Besides I didn't see any markers laying around either. So then…what were they…?

I reached in a picked up one of the blank ones while another part of me was trying to make me stop. I ignored that part. I looked at the doll I was now holding in my hand. It was so…completely white…but in the dark, it seemed gray or…Maybe I just wasn't looking correctly…My eyes could be wrong. It was so dark in there…I closed my eyes, let them focus…That's how when I opened them again, it was so much clearer. Just happy little red-capped doll in a blue jacket…

"What?!" I blinked. What happened to the-?

"_Ash._"

I jumped, even from sitting, and stared up at Sabrina, who was standing by the door, blue eyes narrowed strongly and encompassed by a slight red haze.

"S…S-"

"What are you doing here?!" she hissed.

"I-I…um…" I cowered, scooting backwards, instinctively clutching the doll close to me.

She noticed that, and if possible, looked even angrier. "What is _that_?"

"Th…This?" I glanced at the doll, then back at her. "I…um…d-dunn-"

"Drop it."

"Wh-"

"_Drop it. Now."_

"I…"

"Drop it and get out of here!" The haze intensified. I could almost feel it pressing against me so fiercely. I did exactly as she said. I dropped the doll on the floor and ran past her, flung open the door and just kept going.

Suddenly, it was easy to find my way out of there. I found the door and ran outside. I noticed too late that I'd gone out the back door instead of the front, but by then I didn't care. It wasn't like I could turn around anyway. I just kept running.

I wasn't sure why it was so hard to stop. Maybe just because of how intensely angry she was, maybe because of what I'd seen on those shelves…or maybe because I was afraid for what I'd left behind…

            *  *  *

I collapsed to my hands and knees by a small pond. My body had all but given out at that point. I didn't want to stop. It just meant she would find me sooner…She was so angry…I was scared of what she would do to me, regardless that I probably deserved it. She did warn me after all…I was the one who went in that room…who picked up that doll…

_That doll…What _was_ that thing anyway? Why did it look like…_

"Karp?"  
_'__Where's the food?'_

"Huh?" I glanced up sharply. A small school of Magikarp were gathered at the water's edge by me. "What food…?"

"Magi, magi magikarp," one said. The rest bubbled their agreement.  
_'You're supposed to bring food when you come to visit._'

I blinked. "Oh…I-I'm sorry, but I don't have any food…I didn't know…Actually I didn't even come to visit…" I trailed off.

"Magi magikarp! Magikarp!"  
_'__Sabrina will bring us food! She always does!'_

"Magikarp!"  
_'__Sabrina is very nice!'_

"Uh, I don't know about the nice part…"

"Who's not nice…?"

I spun around by rolling over so I was sitting up and stared at her. I was really starting to hate how she could just show up without warning…

"…Sabrina…"

"Kaaarp!" sang the Magikarp.  
_'Fooood!'_

Her eyes flicked to the pond and she sighed. "Here you go, guys…" With a wave of her hand, a cloud of bread crumbs appeared over the far side of the pond, then swiftly fell into the water. The Magikarp made no hesitation to swim to the other side. "Now then…" She turned her attention to me.

Her blue eyes seemed softer somehow now, but I wasn't about to let my guard down. I stood up, being uncomfortable sitting while she was standing there.

"Sabrina, I'm sorry, I didn't mean t-"

She held up a hand and shook her head. "Ash, no. I'm afraid I'm the one who should be apologizing to you…"

I blinked. "Huh…?"

She smiled gently. "Why don't we have a seat, hm?" She strode over to the water and sat down, folding her legs beneath her. She looked at me expectantly, her hand tapped the ground next to her. I opted to sit where I was. She acknowledged this with a sad smile.

I kept quiet, unsure of what was going on.

She sighed. "No, Ash, it wasn't right for you to go in that room. For that, you _are_ at fault, but it was also wrong of me to try to hide that place from you, of all people…I know that right now you're not quite as innocent as you had been five years ago, but still I felt like you deserved to be protected from something like that, so I didn't tell you what was in there…"

"…You were trying to protect me…?"

She nodded without looking at me. "Five years ago…you freed me. I could be myself again…I didn't have to rely on the dolls anymore. I could focus on more than just training to bring me what I wanted. But…" She looked down, but I could still see a powerful emotion on her face that I hadn't seen from her yet, sadness. "There was a part of me that just wasn't ready to let go. Those dolls had meant so much to me for so many years…I just didn't think I was ready to completely give them up yet…So I made copies. I created a store of blanks and recreated every little doll I had ever owned…"

I clenched my fist. "Those weren't dolls though. They were people! Misty and Brock…you…"

Her sad eyes met mine. "I know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, just…" She shook her head. "But the ones you saw today…Those _are _just dolls…Memories really…They were my only friends besides Abra…I suppose," She looked at the sky for a moment, then turned to me with her slate blue eyes, "there are some things, no matter how bad, that we just can't forget, because they've become a part of us, just like everything else we experience…don't you think?"

"Uh." I wasn't sure what to say. All of that had just seemed to come out of nowhere. Memories? Bad things becoming a part of us…? Trying to forget…But…she didn't know about, about _me_…did she? "I…I dunno…"

She smiled a little and leaned back to look up at the sky. "You know, the reason I didn't want you to see them was that you would still be able to trust me…I didn't want you to think I was too weak to help you out…I…hope it's not too late now, but Ash, I…I'm kinda glad you know now, because it's out in the open, so I'm not hiding anything from you anymore."

I looked down at the grass, wondering just how much she really knew about me…

"And I want to say that I'm sorry that I scared you earlier, and I'm also very sorry that I forced all those tests on you, knowing how much they would hurt you. I'll try not to let it happen again."

"…Okay," I mumbled.

We were quiet for a while after that. The only sounds being the faint ripples of the water and the grass in the breeze.

"…You still don't want to talk about it, huh?" she said quietly.

"Huh? Talk about…what?" I asked, even though I thought I had a pretty good idea.

She smiled to herself.

_I knew he'd say that._

I blinked.

"Haunter had a lot to say about you after that first day…He was rather…shocked by what he'd seen."

_She knows._

"…Uh…?"

"I know about your dreams Ash. Yes, you mentioned them before, but you wouldn't say what was in them. You haven't told anyone, not even Pikachu. I…can't say I blame you…much…but for something like that, you have to explain it or no one will be able to help you…"

_No not this…I don't wanna think about this now…!_

"It's not like anyone would've understood anyway!" I cried defensively. My eyes were growing hot.

"You don't think anyone else understands how it feels to be hurt or sad…?"

"Not like this…!" My voice quavered while I still held back tears.

"No…?"

I shook my head.

"So there's no one in the world who's abused their own power, used others, destroyed lives, pushed away everyone who was ever important to them, all at the expense of their own heart…?"

"I-" I froze.

_What…?_

I stared at her as she gazed at me solemnly, blues eyes just waiting…for me to realize…

I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I wasn't sure why, or who I was crying for anymore.

"…Ash…"

I shook my head. "I-I-I think…I need more than just…a funny joke…" I sniffed.

She smiled. "That's what I'm here for…Consider it returning the favor."

_Returning the…I…I guess so…_

I gave her a small smile, but at the same time, my body shook and more tears poured out. I tried desperately to stop them, but it wasn't working.

Sabrina moved closer to me and did something I certainly wasn't expecting. She put an arm around me and pulled me to her side in a soft embrace. That stopped the crying, mainly out of shock. When she carefully wiped my face, I looked up at her, trying to figure out what was going on.

"You know, it's even sadder when guys cry…" she whispered, sounding almost like she was talking to herself.

I looked down. "…I do that a lot…"

She squeezed me a little. "That's okay…Sometimes it's good for you."

"Not this much I bet…"

She didn't reply right away. "You know…I used to wish I could cry…"

_She couldn't even…?_

I stared up at her, not sure what to say.

She smiled. "Well, at least you have that, right?"

_I…I suppose…_

I nodded quietly.

            *  *  *

She held me like that until my eyes had finally dried…and I was thankful for that, though I still wasn't sure what to make of it, if anything at all.

Now we were just sitting, side by side, watching the Magikarp, the water, the sky, the grass, the trees…but it felt like we were both waiting for something, but neither of us knew what. I was the one who broke the silence. I knew if I didn't ask that question, it would always bug me.

"Sabrina…?"

"Hm?"

"That…That doll…" She turned to me curiously. "What…Why did it……you know…change…like that…?"

She closed her eyes and looked back out at the land. "Those dolls react to psychic powers…You must have told it to change like that."

"But I didn't! I just picked it up…"

"You were probably thinking loudly again…It happens."

"……Thinking that I wanted a doll that looks like…me…?"

She turned to me again and looked me up and down. "You don't really look like that anymore. If I had to guess, I'd say that was your ten year old self that imprinted onto the doll."

"_Imprinted_…? Huh?"

"It's…a little hard to explain…Basically you just…reproduced the image of your past self onto that doll by accident, or more likely, subconsciously."

I stared at the ground. That made a little bit of sense…kind of.

"What…What did you do with it…?" I asked softly.

"…I put it on the last empty spot on my shelf…"

I blinked. "You…You weren't saving that spot…were you?"

She chuckled a little. "Call it a premonition…Though I guess, since my shelf is full, I can get rid of those extras now."

I didn't reply. I was just kind of glad she didn't destroy it or throw it away or even change it back to being a blank…I wasn't sure why, but the fact that it was still okay seemed important to me.

"Are you about ready to go back yet?" she asked.

"Huh…? Um, sure."

"Hungry at all?"

I grinned slightly. "Yup."

She stood up and I followed suit.

"Would you like to teleport?" she asked.

"Um, I'd rather walk…if that's okay…"

She smiled. "That's fine."

We started back, I following by her side. She remained silent. If she could hear my thoughts, she didn't comment. I did have a lot to think about too.

"What about…"

"Hm?"

"…Haunter…You said he…he told you…" I paused, not sure how to ask this, "…how much did he…?"

"Mm…" She narrowed her eyes in thought. "He mostly told me about…impressions he gathered…generalizations…mixed with some specifics. He told me you had a lot of fear, pain…memories……and a large amount of darkness surrounding those memories."

"Did he tell you what those were…?"

"…He told me enough."

"…About what I did at least…"

"…It was enough."

I looked down. That didn't really tell me anything. I needed to know…

"If you know about everything I did…are you sure you still want to train me? I mean…if something goes wrong, I…could…"

"You won't."

"How do you know?" I asked, almost accusingly. She couldn't possibly claim to know me _that_ well…

"Ash, I'm here to help you, and I aim to do that, no matter what, so for one, _I_ won't let you. For another, neither will you." She turned her head to look at me. I looked down. "The training right now is mostly for two things. One is control of your powers. The second part is trust, of your powers and _yourself_. You won't get far at all without both control and trust, but for you, while control is important for its own reasons, it's probably better to use it to help you with the trust. You need to trust yourself, Ash. Everyone needs to be able to trust themselves. You can't get very far at all without that."

"……But you think I should at all…?" I whispered, "Even after…"

"You haven't given me or anyone else reason to think otherwise." She smiled.

"…Maybe you guys are thinking about a different Ash…"

"I doubt it," she replied, "After all, aren't I talking to you, and not to your dreams?"

I stayed quiet, not sure what to think of that. I'd never looked at it that way before…

_But it's true isn't it? I'm not the same person I was in my dreams…but then…it's like she said before. Those memories have become a part of me. I can't just ignore them…so then…who _does_ that make me…?_

"I wouldn't worry too much," Sabrina said quietly, "You have plenty of time to sort things out. Don't forget about that, alright?"

_Time…Yeah, that's another thing she's giving me…_

After a moment, I nodded, to her satisfaction.

            *  *  *

I forgot to keep the receiver away from my ear again, and paid the price.

"Ash Ketchum, where were you yesterday?!!"

I winced and began my efforts to calm her down. "Mom, I'm sorry…Something came up yesterday. By the time I got back I was just really tired and I forgot. I'm really sorry."

"What came up?" she demanded, still not satisfied.

"Uhh…"

What was I supposed to tell her? Sabrina attacked me, I got dragged to Celadon by an insane psychic girl in my class who wanted to get train tickets for free and brought me gambling even though I was underage and she apparently had a reputation for cheating? No, that wouldn't do.

I shrugged. "Just…you know, getting to know everyone a little better. It was exhausting. Eheheh…heh…"

"…Really? What'd you do?" She could tell I wasn't telling the whole truth. Dammit.

"Umm…Looked around Saffron. Um. We visited Celadon for a while too. Just all over the place, huh?"

That was exactly what she needed. An excuse to scold me. "Well don't try to do too much! I don't want you to get all worn out already! It's only been three days, Ash!"

I smiled to myself in acknowledgement. "Yeah I know. You don't have to worry about me, Mom. I know how to take care of myself."

Her eyes narrowed slightly, but not out of anger.

_Oops…_

"Ash, I know you can handle yourself, in most situations…but you're still my little Ash, and I can't help but worrying about you, especially with everything that's happened these last few months. Okay?"

_I can understand that…It's been really, really hard…_

I nodded. "Yeah…I'm sorry. Look, I'll be extra careful, and I'll try to remember to call more often."

"Good," she said sternly, then smiled warmly, "So was there anything you wanted to talk about?"

"Umm…Well I guess I just wanted to tell you that I'm making progress with Sabrina. I think she's starting to narrow down my problems and figure out exactly how she wants to take my training."

"Oh that's very good," her smile grew, "I'm glad to hear that. Is that all? There haven't been any problems, have there?"

"Uh…" I faltered at that. There had been plenty of problems, but I wasn't sure she needed to know about them.

I hesitated too long. She was quick to pick up on that. "Ash, what happened? Is something wrong?"

"What? N-no…Nothing's wrong…" She still wasn't satisfied. "Well…It's all been cleared up now. I think everything will be okay. Don't worry!" I flashed her a grin. If that didn't convince her, nothing would.

She looked at me for a moment and sighed. "Alright, but if anything comes up, please tell me, okay?"

"I will."

She nodded. "Do you want to talk to Brock and Misty now?"

I blinked. "Sure."

"Alright, hang on."

They both arrived not long after she left. Misty had Togetic with her. They were smiling, happy to see me I guessed. That's good. I was happy to see them too.

"So why didn't you call yesterday?" Misty asked, still smiling.

I grimaced. "I just spent _how_ long trying to explain that to Mom…?" I groaned.

She giggled. "I know. Just giving you a hard time."

"Gee thanks," I said flatly.

"Just don't let it happen again and I won't have to right?"

"Right…"

"So Ash, how's it going with Sabrina?" Brock asked, then with a grin, "And did you find out if she's in the market?"

"In the _what_?" Misty gave him an incredulous look.

I laughed softly. "Changed your mind _again_, Brock?"

He chuckled in embarrassment and put his hand behind his head. "Ah, well, ya know, um…Maybe it'll be easier to pick someone up if I let you do some legwork for me first."

I blinked blankly and grinned mildly. "Right…"

"You're crazy, Brock," Misty stated, then turned to me, "You didn't answer the other question though."

"Um…" I shrugged. "Everything's fine now. There were a few…incidences, but we're past all that now. I…I think she might really be able to help me…somehow…"

She smiled and nodded, but I noticed her eyes became slightly distant. "That's good to hear…It's about time…"

_So that's why…_

I nodded quietly.

"Did you find out when you'll be able to come back?" Brock asked.

"Uh. Oh, yeah…Um…She said probably a…few months. Maybe more, maybe less…"

"That's not very specific," Misty pointed out.

"Eheh, um…no, it…it isn't…Well…I-I dunno. It just all depends…She says some people stay for a year…or more…"

A brief moment of shock, perhaps fear, flashed across Misty's face. Brock simply looked stunned, maybe worried.

"You don't think you'll take _that_ long, do you?" Misty asked.

"I…hope not." I shook my head. "I'll try not to.

"Good. You'd better," she said matter-of-factly.

I smiled a little.

_Good ol' Misty…_

"Now, don't forget to call tomorrow, and save both of our ears from these ladies, alright?" Brock reminded me.

I laughed. "Okay. It's a deal."

He nodded. "Good."

"What do you mean 'save your ears'!?" Misty demanded, "What have we ever done to your ears?!"

Brock just gave me a pained, knowing grin, which I returned. "See ya, man."

"Bye guys."

"What? Oh. Bye Ash…"

Brock reached over and the connection cut off, just in time for me probably. I almost felt sorry for him, because I knew what would be coming next. On the other hand, he'd brought it upon himself, so it couldn't be that bad. I knew. I used to do that all the time.

I sighed and leaned back in my chair. I couldn't help feeling refreshed. Somehow, something had gone right today, despite every opportunity for it to stay bad. Well, maybe I did know. That talk with Sabrina at the pond had certainly helped. Seeing Misty ready to go on a rampage, Brock still thinking with his hormones, Mom as motherly as ever…Where did I fit into the picture? Somewhere…I'd get back there sooner or later. I had to. And…in that moment, it actually seemed possible.

I smiled to myself, got up and stretched, scratched, and went to bed, flopping onto it unceremoniously…and promptly received a Thundershock, which left me on the floor and rather frazzled.

"Pika pika pikapii!" Pikachu angrily reminded me, who'd been similarly bruised from my sudden weight.  
_'Look before you lie down!'_

"I'll…keep that in mind…" I coughed.

Well…nothing's perfect.


	42. Sightseeing

Chapter 42  
"Sightseeing"

The next night, Friday, Teresa invited me to go with her to watch the Ghostly Trio's stage performance. While I did kind of want to see it, the last person in the world I wanted to see it with was _her_, but since Sabrina was helping with it, I couldn't go with her instead. At the very least, Pikachu and Espeon would be there with me, so they could help keep anything from getting out of hand.

We were the first ones there. The theater hadn't even opened yet, but the guy there let us in since he seemed to know Teresa. I guess she came here a lot or something. Anyway, we had to sit around for a long time, since Teresa is nuts and thought that half an hour early was _late_…

At least the show was good. Scratch that, it was _really_ good. Oh, and while I thought that Sabrina was just the stage manager or something, it turned out that she was actually _in_ the show. Now _that_ was a surprise. She did really good too. I never imagined I'd see her being funny, but the whole thing was hilarious…Couldn't help but laugh…heh…

All in all, I'd say it was worth going. Teresa wasn't even as obnoxious as I'd expected her to be. Not to say that she wasn't obnoxious, because she was, she just wasn't _as_ obnoxious. She really got a kick out of the show too and would _not _stop talking about it on the way back. Or any of their past shows. Ever. Still, it had put me in a relatively good mood, so I tolerated her for the short walk.

When we reached Sabrina's house we stopped outside.

"Um, say, thanks for dragging me out there. It was fun," I told her, hoping it wouldn't cause an explosion of ego, but knowing that was a slim chance.

"You kidding? It was _awesome_! I mean, the _tree_!" She busted out laughing.

"Yeah…That was pretty funny," I assured her for the twentieth time that night.

"Of course! And ya know what, Dusty? There was no way in hell I was about to just leave you anywhere other than that theater during the greatest show ever! That would just be stupid! It's the greatest show ever!"

"Eheh, yeah, it was really good…"

"So anyways, I'll be more than happy to drag you back next Friday, kay?"

"Um…sure."

"Of course! Wouldn't have it any other way. Maybe we can even get Gus to come too! That loser needs to get out once in a while."

"Eheh…"

"Hey, you doing anything tomorrow?"

"Huh…?"

"It's a Saturday, you don't have to go to the gym if you don't wanna. So you doing anything?"

"Um…I…haven't really thought about it…"

"Great! It's a date! I'll come get you at like uh…when do you wake up?"

"In the morning…?"

"Perfect! I'll come after the morning!"

"Um…"

"See ya!"

_Did she just ask me on a _date?

"W-wait a second!"

"No need to thank me!" she called and waved as she ran off.

"I'm _not_ thanking you! Hey! Come back!"

"Chuu…"  
_'Hey…'_

"Espeon…?"  
_'Did that just happen?'_

I stared dumbfounded at the point where she disappeared into the night. "I…I think so…"

"Pi, kachu?" Pikachu asked blandly.  
_'Are you really gonna go?'_

"Well, I'll try not to, but…"

"Esspeon," Espeon muttered.  
_'That girl's incorrigible.'_

…_Exactly._

* * *

I woke up with a terrible sinking feeling in my stomach, but I wasn't sure why, at first. It took a moment, but then I remembered…

_That girl…A…"date"…Yuck…_

I went through the morning plotting possible escape plans. I came up with a lot. For instance, I could simply not be in the house when she arrived…or…I could play sick…get Sabrina to lie for me…Not that Teresa would ever believe us, even if it were the truth…I could be blunt and tell her to get lost, but that wouldn't work, for sure. Pikachu would be more than eager to get rid of her forcefully…No, of all the possibilities, the best way to get past that sort of stubborness was to simply not run into it in the first place.

I ate breakfast as fast as I possibly could, passing on seconds of anything, and excused myself to…Well, there wasn't really anywhere to go, so I settled on the backyard, since it was pretty big, and not quite the house. I made sure everyone knew not to tell Teresa where I was, and then I was _gone._

Unfortunately, I didn't know how long I was going to have to hide out there since she hadn't exactly specified a time, but I was prepared to sit for a very long time. I even remembered to grab the bag of breadcrumbs before I left. The Magikarp were quite pleased with me, to say the least.

And somehow, we had been sitting there for no more than about twenty minutes or so, when a very particular person came marching right up to us.

"There you are!" she exclaimed, "Shoulda known you'd be somewhere weird. Ya ready to go?"

_You're kidding me…How did she get in here?_

I stared at her. "How did you get in here?"

"What do you mean?"

"Um, well this is Sabrina's backyard…and you didn't exactly come from the house."

"I climbed over the fence, how else?"

"…Isn't that trespassing?"

"What makes you say that? A fence is just a suggestion ya know. You don't have to follow it."

"Er…I dunno about that…"

"Anyways, come on! We've got a whole wonderful day ahead of us!"

"Uh, oh yeah, about that…"

"Let's go!" she shouted, punching the air with one hand and grabbing my arm with the other.

"W-wait, about that-" I started.

"It's gonna be great! I know that already, you don't gotta tell me."

"Er, no, actually…"

We were already at the fence and she was pushing me to go climb over, but I wasn't going to have it. "Teresa, would you please listen to me for a sec?"

"Huh? Why?"

"Gh…" I pushed her, just enough to get her away from me. "Listen, I don't really wanna go, okay?"

"Ohh…?" she seemed skeptical, "Why, you do got something better to do?"

"I…um…Y-yes! I'm…gonna go to the gym…and…train…so there."

"Bleh, don't be such a loser. Come on, we're just gonna go have fun, what's wrong with that?"

_The problem is your definition of 'fun'…_

"I…don't really want to…"

"_Liar_."

"Look, last time, you dragged me all the way to Celadon to gamble, and neither of us could even get in!"

"Just a little mistake! Anyone coulda done that! And besides, that _wasn't_ the last time! _Last time_, I took you to see the Ghostly Trio, and you _liked_ it!"

"I…Well, yeah, but…"

"Say, how well do you know this city anyway? C'mon now."

"Saffron…?"

"_Duh_. Yes, _Saffron_, where else?"

"Um…Well I've been here before…and I walked around a lot…"

"Yeah? You sightsee at all?"

"Um…I…went to the gym…"

"The _gym_! As if that were the greatest thing ever. Psh. You get to see the gym every day. Just come on. I'll give you a _real_ tour! It'll be fun, I _promise_."

I crossed my arms, thinking it over.

_A tour of Saffron…? With _her?_ Now, what could possibly go wrong with that…? Plenty. It's a big city. She may know it pretty well, but her idea of what's worth seeing or not…That's debatable…_

"So, now that it's clear that we're going, can we just hurry up and _go_ already?"

_On the other hand, she probably means well, and it's not like I actually was planning on doing anything in particular…Besides, I've got my Pokémon._

I sighed in defeat. "I guess so…"

"GREAT!"

After scaling the fence, Teresa led the way into the depths of the world known as Saffron City…

* * *

I guess it's true that I hadn't really been paying much attention to the place on my first visit…Well, granted, I _did_ have a lot on my mind…Sightseeing definitely wasn't a priority. But looking at it this time around, it was a pretty nice city. Lots of parks, clean streets, nice buildings…stuff like that.

We'd been walking for a while. Teresa would constantly point out random places and then tell a story about it that made no sense. Pikachu rode on my shoulder and Espeon walked by my side. Pikachu seemed utterly bored, but I think Espeon was enjoying the walk, if not our companion.

"Ooh! There! There! Come on!" she exclaimed suddenly, then grabbed my hand and ran across the street…while cars were driving by.

It took a lot of persuading to get my heart to start again once we were on the other side, but Teresa didn't even seem to notice. Espeon opted to wait until it was a little safer to cross.

"This place has the best ice cream ever!" she chattered excitedly. "Let's go in!"

"You almost got us killed for _ice cream_?" I demanded.

"What are you talking about?" she asked cluelessly.

"There were about fifty cars on the street!"

She just laughed. "You suck at counting." Then she turned and entered the building.

"I…don't believe this…"

"Piiika…"  
_'Tell me about it…'_

"Espeeon…?" Espeon asked, flicking some dust from her tail.  
'_Did I ever mention that I have doubts about this human's sanity?'_

"I don't think it needs mentioning," I replied and followed after her.

Inside, she was standing in front of the counter looking very impatient. "What took you so long? You have to buy our ice cream!"

It took a moment for that to register. "Wait, I'm buying _ours_, as in, mine…_and_ yours?"

"Of course."

"Don't you have your own money?"

"…Does it _matter_? Let's just order, alright?"

_Maybe she doesn't……_

She got a two scoop banana and mint cone, while I got chocolate and vanilla, and two kiddie cones for Pikachu and Espeon. It also did happen to be a pretty nice little ice cream parlor and the total wasn't exactly cheap, but, well…I do have a weakness for ice cream…

We sat at the tables provided outside. The ice cream, to my surprise, was _really_ good…Maybe I was wrong for doubting her so much…

_She doesn't pay attention to simple laws like trespassing and crossing at the corner when traffic's stopped…_

_Okay, so maybe I was right…_

Surprisingly, it was pretty relaxing to be sitting there just eating ice cream for a while. However, something did seem odd about it, and I didn't realize what it was until it was interrupted. Teresa hadn't been talking.

"So like…you buy ice cream for your Pokémon too?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"Well, it's kinda weird isn't it? I mean, Pokémon don't eat ice cream."

"Um…Yeah they do…" I motioned to Pikachu and Espeon, who were quite happily doing just that.

"Oh, well, _yeah_, I can see that, but, ya know, it's not normal is it? I mean, they're supposed to eat Pokémon food right?"

"Uh, well yeah, that's the best for them…but even Pokémon like a little treat once in a while."

She just sort of nodded, and I tensed up, now that I realized she was behaving strangely.

"You…really like Pokémon, huh?" she said after a bit.

"…Yeah…I do."

_I'm also turning into one, so it'd be dumb not to……_

"Well, so do I, ya know! I just…don't know that much about 'em and stuff."

_I could tell that much…_

"Well…They're…not that different from…humans…" I told her. I didn't notice, but Pikachu's ears had pricked up, a sure sign that he had started listening. "They have the same thoughts and feelings…They just………"

"Yeah?"

"……Well…they…just…look a little different……have different abilities……and stuff………"

I couldn't help it. I couldn't even focus on the ice cream to try to stop it. Tears…I wasn't sure why, but they were there…

"Whoa, what the hell? I didn't even do anything this time!" Teresa said in alarm.

I shook my head. "It's not your fault…I, I don't know why I…I…I'm not even sure that I'm sad…" I swallowed back a sob.

"Uhhh…Maybe you're happy? I've heard about that before. I always thought it sounded fishy, but ya never know."

"How could I be happy?" The mere thought was laughable. In fact, I did laugh. While crying.

"Oh geez…He's went and gone hysterical on me…" Teresa blinked.

"I-I'm sorry…I just…That stuff I was saying…It was true wasn't it?"

"How would I know? You're the Pokémon expert, right?"

"Heh…haha…yeah…That…that's right…I…I am, aren't I? I mean…for now…I…Wow…"

"Pikapi…?"  
_'Ash…?'_

I scratched his head gently. Not the response he was looking for, but I was beyond caring at the moment.

"Hey Teresa, can I ask you something?"

"Um…what?"

"What am I?"

"_Huh?_"

"What do you think? Just…I wanna know…"

"What are you…? What kind of a question is that?"

"Just answer it…please…"

She looked away sharply, holding the ice cream to her mouth.

_She's actually thinking about it…?_

She swallowed some ice cream. "Well…You…You're…an oddball, that's for sure. Very weird…Not that that's a bad thing…I mean, so am I, and there's nothing wrong with me."

…_Uh…_

"I guess that's about it." She shrugged.

"…That's it?"

She nodded.

"…So I'm an oddball?"

"Yup!"

"……There's…nothing else…?"

"What do you mean?"

"……You mean…you haven't noticed…?"

"Eh?"

"Teresa, I'm part Pokémon."

"…Oh."

"………"

She shrugged. "Kay."

_I…can't believe this…_

"…And you say _I'm_ the oddball," I wondered under my breath.

"Well, there's not a lotta people who are part Pokémon, so you kinda are," she remarked.

"……"

"Hey! This doesn't change anything between us does it?" she asked suddenly.

"Huh?"

"I mean, like, we can still hang out and stuff right?"

"……If it was going to change anything, it would have to be your call. You're the one who didn't notice."

"Oh, right. Sure. Okay, well, let's not. I mean, let's still hang out. Cuz, ya know…it's fun."

"……Sure…" I said, not sure if I was being sarcastic or not.

She actually _beamed_ at that. "Great!"

"Pikapika, chuu…"  
'_Are you _sure_ you don't still have a death wish?'_

I not so politely introduced his face to the bottom depths of his ice cream cone, which got giggles from Espeon, squeals from Pikachu, and a very confused stare from Teresa.

* * *

"And _there's_ the puddle where they say that Farfetch'd go to give birth!"

"Farfetch'd lay eggs…like all Pokémon. I won't even go into the whole puddle thing…"

"Rightright. And over _there_ is the paint splotch made by the world famous artist, Vincent VanGogh!"

"Wasn't his name Gango?"

"Whatever. And over there…"

"I don't think there's even a paint splotch on that wall…"

"You're not looking hard enough!"

"Right…"

"Now if you'll direct your attention upwards, you'll be able to see the mystical sign of Jane's Floral Shop, lit by the light of dozens of tiny Volbeat and Clefairy…"

Volbeat are about the size of that sign. Clefairy aren't much smaller and…they don't glow…

Needless to say, my attention started to drift. I particularly noticed a couple of kids wandering not too far from us. I wasn't sure I recognized them, but it was easy to tell that they were trainers. One of them, the boy, had an Eevee riding on his shoulder. The girl walked side by side with a Jolteon. They were kind of far away, but were coming in our direction. My jaw dropped when we were finally close enough that I could recognize them.

"May…?"

"Pi?"  
_'Huh?'_

"Speon?"  
_'You know them?'_

"O-of course! That's-! Uh…Um…Oh geez. Wh-what should I do?"

"Dusty? What's up?" Teresa asked, noticing that I was starting to panic.

"Maybe she won't recognize me," I said hopefully, ignoring Teresa.

"Hey, isn't that Ash?" I heard her ask the boy she was with.

…Too late.

"Whatamigonnado?" I whispered to my Pokémon.

"Eesspeoon?"  
_'What's the big deal?'_

"Chu…Pi_ka_chu…?" Pikachu whispered.  
_'Hey…that's not _the_ May is it?'_

"Yes it is!" I hissed.

"What are you talking about?" both Teresa and Espeon asked at the same time.

Pikachu snickered. "Pikachuu…" he said in sing-song.  
_'Good luck…!'_

"Thanks a _lot_."

"Asha!"

_Oh no…_

I turned and grinned faintly as she and her companions ran up to greet us…me. "Hi…Mayo…" I said weakly.

"Wow! It's really you! It's so good to see you!" she exclaimed.

"Likewise."

"Ash! Long time no see!" the boy exclaimed.

I glanced at him again, then blinked a few times as I tried to figure out where I'd seen him before.

"Ee! Vee!"  
_'Hello!'_

_An Eevee…Matching brown hair…No way…!_

"Mikey…?"

"Hey! You remembered me!" He grinned.

"Wh-What are you two doing in Saffron? And together?"

"Oh Asha, we're on our Pokémon journey! Didn't gramps tell you anything?"

"Uh- Ohhhh yeah…That's right, he did…I…didn't think I'd see you around. Heh, the world's a big place and all that…"

"Uh- Hey, 'scuse me, kay?" Teresa stepped in, "Mind explaining what's goin' on? You know these kids?"

I nodded. "Yeah. May's my friend from home, and I met Mikey on my Pokémon journey."

She opened her mouth to say something, but then almost seemed to think better of it.

"So who's this?" May inquired.

"Ummm…This is Teresa…Uhh…We're…both training at the gym together."

"Training?" May exclaimed excitedly, "Does that mean you're gonna start battling again?"

_Gh…So they know…_

"No…It's a different sort of training……"

"Awwww…" the two said in unison.

I scratched my head. "Sorry…I don't think I'm gonna go back for a while…if ever……Um…How did you guys know…"

"It was on the news! We watched your interview yesterday!"

"What? It's already aired?"

_I forgot about that…_

May nodded. "Oh! Hey…you really do have a tail…?"

"Y…yeah…"

May walked around to my backside and looked at it inquisitively. "Wow, that's so cool…"

"Uh?"

"Lemme see!" Mikey said and quickly joined her. "Wow! It's really real?"

"…Yeah…"

I could feel beads of sweat on the back of my neck. It wasn't bad enough that the two of them were staring, but random passerbys were also starting to slow down to stare as they walked by. Then when they thought they were out of hearing range, they'd start whispering to whoever they were walking with, or thinking quite loudly to themselves…

"Can I touch it?" May asked.

"What?"

"Please?"

I was starting to feel dizzy. Too much had happened in the last few minutes. I'd found out the interview had aired (and I missed it), May and Mikey were travelling together and happened to end up in Saffron…Everyone was just standing around staring at me and now May was asking if she could touch my tail. No one had ever asked that before. In fact, the only one who really had was Teresa when she stomped on it the other day.

"Um…I…guess so…"

"Me too?" Mikey asked.

"…Sure…"

I lifted it up a bit so they wouldn't have to bend down. Brock told me I shouldn't carry it so low, but it's hard to think about…

It felt weird to have them touch it…It almost sort of tickled really…but in a good way.

"Your fur's so soft," May commented.

"Eh?"

"Softer than Eevee's!"

"Nuh-uh," Mikey said.

I'd never thought about something like that, to be honest…

"Eevee!" Eevee objected.  
_'That's right!'_

I glanced at Eevee. That's when I noticed…he was wearing a collar. A familiar looking one…

"Hey, Mikey…?" I asked suddenly, flicking my tail away from them.

"Huh?" he asked.

"You've had your Eevee for a long time right?"

"That's right…"

"How come it hasn't evolved into an Espeon or Umbreon yet?"

Mikey smiled and held up Eevee for me to see. He moved aside the fur of Eevee's mane, giving me a good look at the small, glowing white stone set in the collar. "See, he would've, but neither of us wanted him to, so we went and bought an Everstone."

The dizziness only got stronger. I think I swayed a little. "I see…Thanks, I was just…wondering…"

My own Everstone was beneath the collar of my shirt, so they couldn't notice it…

"I see _your_ Eevee evolved into an Espeon," May commented, "That's pretty cool, but Jolteon's better."

"Spe?"  
_'What's that?'_

"Te, jolt," Jolteon grinned.  
_'Well, it's true.'_

Espeon bristled. "Speon, espe!"  
_'Oh come on, I can take you!'_

"Espeon!"

She froze, then looked at me apologetically. "Espeon…"  
_'Sorry…'_

"It's okay…"

_I'm the one who should be sorry…_

She shook her head slightly and looked at the ground.

"Jolt? Jolteon, jolt."  
_'What's the matter? Backing down already?'_

"Spe…"  
_'Shut up.'_

There was an awkward silence for a moment. I cleared my throat.

"Um…So you two staying in Saffron for very long?"

"Oh, I dunno, we were gonna go after beating Sabrina, but man is she tough!" Mikey exclaimed, "I don't know how you beat her Ash!"

"Eh…heh…Sometimes I wonder that myself……"

May nodded. "I think we're gonna go try a different gym for now…Which one's easier? Celadon or Vermilion?"

I scratched my head. "Gee, I dunno. They're both really good gym leaders…"

"We already got the Cascade badge," May said proudly, "Man was that easy."

"Not _that_ easy…" Mikey said.

"Jolteon tore through those guys!"

Mikey looked a little uncomfortable then sort of perked up. "Hey Ash, Misty wasn't at Cerulean, so she's still with you right? Is she here in Saffron?"

"Uhh……No…Right now she's in Pallet…with my mom…"

"…Oh. That's too bad, I wanted to show her how Eevee's doing."

"I can tell her for you, when I see her."

"Really? Thanks!"

"Don't mention it."

I felt something nudge me in the back. I kind of jumped and glanced behind me. It was Teresa.

_I almost forgot about her…Did she wander off somewhere…?_

"You done yet?" she asked lowly.

"Um…"

"Well, we'd better go," May said, "Lots of Pokémon to catch, lots of gym leaders to beat! You ready Mikey?"

He nodded, "Yeah sure."

"We'll see you later Asha! Maybe we can battle once you're feeling better?"

"Uhh…Sure, I guess…maybe…"

"Great! See ya!"

"Bye Ash! Bye Pikachu, Espeon!" Mikey said.

"Bye guys."

After they disappeared into the crowd I turned to see Teresa starting at me with a disturbing look on her face.

"…What?"

"So you have friends, huh? I am surprised."

"…What's so surprising about that?" I asked. I would probably be offended, except that it was Teresa who said it.

"Well ya just don't seem like the type. You've got this whole loner air about ya."

"…I do?"

"Yup."

I tried to put together a response to that.

"And geez, the way you guys were going on, you'd think you'd known each other since ya were kids!"

"Umm…Well I do…one of them at least…"

"So ya got anymore or were they it?"

"…I've got lots of friends."

"Yeah? You never talk about 'em."

"That's because you always lead the conversation…"

"So?"

"Well I can't tell you about my friends if you're busy telling me about Farfetch'd puddles," I said bitingly.

"Farfetch'd puddles are more interesting," she said, completely missing the point.

_So she says even though she doesn't actually know anything about my friends…or Farfetch'd for that matter…_

"Nevermind…" I sighed.

"Speaking of which!" she announced suddenly, "We're not done with our tour yet!"

"We can't just call it a day? I'm getting tired."

"No! C'mon, even you'd like seeing this!"

"Seeing what?"

"The Silph Company! They've got _lots_ of cool gadgets and stuff. Pokémon stuff…Things like that."

"The Silph Company…?" I repeated outloud. The name sounded familiar…couldn't quite place it…Waitasec. I grabbed Espeon's Pokéball from belt and peered over it until I found some very small print… "They're the ones who make Pokéballs?" I exclaimed.

"Guess so," Teresa grinned.

"Uhhh…We can go look," I said quickly, "I'm not _that_ tired."

She just grinned and I followed her.

* * *

"Whoa…"

The building was _huge_. State of the art too. It also looked kinda familiar, but that was to be expected. I'd been in Saffron before after all. Of course I'd recognize a building that stood out as much as this one.

"Heh…Shall we?" Teresa asked.

"Of course!"

"Hey, that's my line," she pouted.

"Sorry…"

As we walked in, Pikachu whispered in my ear, "Pi, pikachu, pika…"  
'_Pokéballs aren't _that_ great you know…'_

"Well, maybe not for you…You never see anyone else complaining about them."

"Chu."  
_'Hmph.'_

We walked up to the front desk, and for some reason, I let Teresa do the talking.

She leaned up against the counter. "Hey there, I was wonderin' if ya'd let us have some sorta grand tour? This fella here's never seen the place before but I think he's a big fan."

"I'm sure we could arrange something," the lady replied. Then she glanced at me and her eyes widened. "Hey aren't you-"

"Ash Ketchum, yeah. In the flesh."

"Oh wow…It's an honor! Hey…Can I…have your autograph?"

I groaned mentally. "Uh sure."

"What? An autograph? What for?" Teresa exclaimed.

"I told you, I used to be the Pokémon Champion…" I sighed as I scribbled out my name on the piece of paper the secretary gave me.

"Thank you so much!" the lady said, then picked up the phone, presumably to arrange our tour.

"So that means your famous?"

"…Yes."

"…Is that autograph worth anything…?"

"…I dunno…I guess so…"

She almost seemed thoughtful. "Think I can get one?"

"…You're just gonna sell it, aren't you?"

"Well yeah, what am I gonna do someone's signature? Frame it?"

"I am," the lady commented obliviously.

"Hey can I have some paper?" Teresa asked.

The lady just nodded and handed her a piece.

"Alright, sign this Dusty," Teresa ordered, shoving the paper at me.

"…You know, maybe you _should_ keep it, so you'll remember my name."

"I do remember your name!"

"No…It's _Ash_, not Dusty."

"…Whatever."

I just shook my head and took the paper, then chewed on the pen as I tried to think of how to sign it, wondering if I should try to decrease it's worth or not.

Finally, I decided on, "To my #1 weirdo, from Ash 'Dusty' Ketchum," and handed it back to her. She stared at it for a moment.

"What kinda autograph is this? That's not right!"

I just grinned to myself.

Someone coughed nearby. I glanced over to see a man in a white lab coat, large round glasses and short black hair.

"You're here for the tour, I presume?" he asked quietly.

"Yyyeah! That's right!" Teresa pushed past me, "Ready when you are!"

"Please follow me," he bowed courteously.

_Finally, a normal person…_

He took us on a pretty extensive tour. We got to see Pokéball production, the Pokédex update center, and a lot of development rooms. The building also had a lot of warp tiles, which was really confusing, but kinda cool.

"Now, from here on, this stuff is usually kept absolutely top secret, but someone of your high stature would only be expected to be able to see such upcoming designs," he said before leading us to another warp tile.

"Really? What kinda stuff are you making?" I asked.

"I'm afraid I'm forbidden to speak of it outside their doors," he said with a sly smile.

"It's that secret…?"

"Indeed."

Teresa suddenly seemed panicky. "Heeyyy heyheyhey! Is there a bathroom here? I gotta goooo…!"

_Geez…_

"You sure?" I asked, "This sounds pretty cool…"

"It's down the hall and to your left," our tour guide said, "Don't worry about missing anything, just knock and we'll let you in."

…_You know, on second thought, maybe it's better for her not to go in…It _is_ Teresa after all…_

"Great! Be back in a flash!" And she ran down the hallway.

The man watched for a second, then smiled warmly at me. "Come now, let's go take a look."

He turned to the heavily armored door behind him, slid a card through the keypad next to it, entered a long string of numbers, and hit enter. It beeped and the door slid open.

"Pretty tight security…" I commented.

"I told you, this is our top secret project."

"I guess so!"

We walked in and the door slammed close behind us. I looked around the room. It was a lot like the rest of the places we'd visited. Very clean, white, with lots of complex looking machines scattered around. The centerpiece was a round pedestal with four metal things coming down from another round thing in the ceiling, and focused on a…Pokéball? No, it wasn't a normal Pokéball. This one was purple and…pink…Weird…

"What is it?" I asked, while getting a closer look.

"That, my friend, is what we call the Master Ball." I heard the whistle of a Pokéball and stiffened. "It's the only Pokéball in the world that's powerful enough to catch _any_ Pokémon…Large, small…Rare…Legendary…That ball can catch it."

Espeon hissed and there was a flash of light from behind me accompanied by an all-too familiar sound. Three Pokémon had just been released. On my shoulder, Pikachu sparked in warning. I didn't turn around.

"…I see," I replied, "…Have you tested it?"

"I'm afraid rare Pokémon are just that…rare, and pretty hard to come by."

"…Figures."

"Surely you wouldn't mind assisting us…in the name of science of course."

I closed my eyes. I could hardly believe this was happening, and yet…and yet…it almost felt inevitable.

"I'm sorry…I'm afraid not…" I said quietly.

"I thought you might say that…Well no matter. I came prepared."

"I know."

"Hmph…It's a shame you can't fight back…isn't it?" I could feel him grinning.

"…Yes."

"Pikapi!"  
_'Ash!'_

I sighed. What was _I_ supposed to do? What _could_ I do?

"Voltorb! Thunder Wave!" the scientist yelled.

…_Just what I do best…Run._

I dodged to my left, but got caught in wave of electricity. When I fell to the ground, I saw that he had a Magneton and two Voltorbs…and I'd been hit by the second one. Since Pikachu was on my shoulder, he'd been paralyzed too. I strained my neck to see if Espeon was okay. She was still standing, but I could barely make out crackles of electricity dancing over her fur. Another glance showed that the Voltorb that hit her looked the same way.

The scientist simply smirked and adjusted his glasses cockily. "Of course. It's only natural that a prey animal's first instinct is to flee. Only when cornered will they attempt to fight back. Of course, when it gets to that, their fate is already sealed."

"You're disgusting," I whispered.

"It's just science, my friend."

"Es, _speon_!" Espeon shouted.  
_'Shut up!'_

I saw the gem in her forehead flash and her eyes started to glow. I wanted to stop her, since I knew what would happen…but at the same time…

The scientist grinned. "Voltorb, Spark."

His second Voltorb spun like mad while sparks flew everywhere and rammed into Espeon faster than I could see. She cried out in pain and hit the the floor, her body wracked with electricity. I also let out a muffled cry and cringed from the terrible pain in my side.

"Pi…Pika! Pikapi!"  
_'E…Espeon! Ash!'_

The scientist paused. "Fascinating…Hm. Well, let's wrap this up, so we can study it further…Magneton, a Zap Cannon please."

"TON!"

I could hear the high pitched whirring as it charged its attack. Beside me, Pikachu shakily stood up and began charging its own attack. I realized in panic what that would do.

"No, Pikachu don't!"

"Pika! Pikachu!"  
_'Be quiet! It's for your own good!'_

"But-!"

Magneton was almost fully charged when Pikachu launched his Thunderbolt. The magnetic field surrounding Magneton flashed and all that I saw afterwards was a brilliant white light, followed by intense pain…

The light faded gradually, but the pain never left.

"…I do hope you're still awake…"

I looked up sharply. The scientist was standing above me, holding the Master Ball in one hand.

"That Zap Cannon was aimed at your Pikachu, just to let you know. It was an unfortunate coincidence that you happened to be in the line of fire. The Master Ball should be capable of catching anything regardless of whether it's weakened or not…But this will have to do…Beggars can't be choosers after all. Well, tallyho."

With that, he simply dropped the ball. I stared, frozen, as it fell towards me, almost as in slow motion. I knew I had to do something. I _had_ to! But _what_? I couldn't move out of the way. I could barely feel my body. If only…if only…

I stared at the ball, trying desperately to focus in the precious milliseconds I had left.

_Move…move…_Move!

I didn't care if it exploded, flew off into space, or just hovered there, I _could not_ have that thing touch me!

And there appeared a slight haze on the anterior of the pokéball…not much…just barely slowing it…

_Stop…_ I pleaded mentally.

The scientist frowned, not that I was paying him any attention anymore. "So, that's true too…Well…That's fine, I can deal with that."

I heard him walk a short distance away, but I didn't dare turn to look. I was busy concentrating on getting the ball away from me.

The scientist spoke loudly and deliberately. "Hm, I wonder what would happen if I were to do…_this?_"

I heard Pikachu scream, and I cried out along with him. There was a sharp, intense pain in my side and then I was wracked with a horrific impact. I barely had time to recover before a very familiar sound came from right next to me. A Pokéball opening.

The red light was everywhere…It burned…but worse than that…it was pulling, tugging…It felt almost like some ominent being was trying to tear me in two from the inside…and outside…all over…

_No…Stop it!…Leave me alone…! _I pleaded with the light, hoping, praying it would be worth something…but the pain refused to cease. Even when the red turned to black…even as the world began to vanish…the pain remained…


	43. Escape

Chapter 43  
"Escape"

…_What happened to me…? There was…That's right…He was…trying to capture me…Wait! The ball…it…it worked…didn't it? Am I…Did he…No! No way! I can't…No……It's…It's not possible…I…I won't…I can't…No…_

…_but that darkness…That wasn't normal…was it…? What else…what else could it be…if not…if not…_

…_but the pain is gone…Maybe that's part of it…Pokémon wouldn't go in here at all if it hurt…right? But that light…Was _that_ normal? Of course not…Someone would've said something…Even Pikachu never mentioned anything like that, and he complains the most…but then…what…happened…?_

I cautiously opened my eyes, afraid of what I might, or might not, see…

The first thing I noticed was that it was still dark, even with my eyes open. The next thing was that I was lying on something very, very soft…Then I realized that there _was_ light…faintly…through…a window?

I carefully moved in an attempt to sit up. The moment I did, pain shot through my body and I was forced to sit there wincing while I waited for it to start to fade. And it did. Mostly. I peered at my surroundings. Something was wrong…This place seemed…too familiar…Wait…

I pulled back the curtains on the window, ignoring the pain that accompanied it, and let in the light from the fading sunset and brilliant moon. That yard…That was way too familiar. In fact…it was Sabrina's yard. The room…right down to the tuning forks on the desk…How on earth…?

I jumped, and regretted it, at a white flash off to the side. A man stood in its place…Sabrina's dad.

"So you're awake now? That's good."

"Uh- Mr. Carson! Wh…what am I doing here? How did you find me?"

He shook his head and held up a hand. "Hold on, I'll explain everything…Though I didn't really have anything to do with it actually."

"Then what-"

"First, let me say that you have Haunter to thank. He's the one who found you. He was running around the city scaring people, like usual, and to some extent following you, but that was probably more out of curiosity than anything else…Anyway, he noticed you were in danger and broke into the building to save you. And well, since he's a ghost, that wasn't exactly hard…"

"Haunter…? Hey! Wh-what about Pikachu and Espeon?" I looked around in a panic and didn't see either of them anywhere. And then the pain from moving so much caught up to me.

"They're at the Pokémon Center," he sighed, "Don't worry about them! They're tough, they'll be fine. You're the one we're worried about."

"Me…Uh, hey if you're so worried, why aren't I in the hospital or something?"

"It's safer here," he said bluntly, "Sabrina will do a seriously better job of protecting you than a bunch of Chanseys, trust me."

I laid back down slowly. "Protect me…" I echoed.

"Yep. After something like that, you'd better not go wandering around on your own again, got it?"

"…I wasn't alone…Wait, is Teresa…is she okay?"

"That brat?" he scoffed, "Of course she is. I swear that girl lives a charmed life…Of course, as soon as she got back, my girl went and gave her a righteous tongue-lashing…That was fun to watch…"

I rolled over onto my back. I felt exhausted all of a sudden…

"…Wait…Mr. Carson?"

"Yeah?"

"The…the poké- I mean, the Master Ball…It didn't…I mean…did it…? Work…?"

"Eh? Master Ball?"

"…Yeah…That's what…He was trying to catch me…That's why this happened…"

"_Catch you_?" he exclaimed.

I nodded and closed my eyes. "Like a…a Pokémon…But he said that ball was designed to catch anything…even legendaries…so…it…it must've worked…right…?"

"I dunno what you're talking about, I never saw any Poké-Master Ball around here."

_Maybe…it didn't…? I…I am only part after all…Maybe…_

"Okay…"

I felt him smile. "Well, you'd better get some rest. I'm sure Sabrina'll want to be the one to check on you tomorrow."

I nodded, I think. I was already drifting off to sleep.

* * *

I felt a lot better the next morning. Nothing really hurt anymore, and I was able to move around the house more or less normally. Not completely normally though…I would get dizzy a lot, and sometimes it was hard to move correctly for simple things, like walking…It usually didn't last too long, but it was still sort of scary…Sabrina said it would probably go away after time. I hoped she was right.

My psychic sense also got messed up somehow. A lot of the time, I couldn't even tell if it was still there, since I couldn't actually feel anything with it, but then sometimes, randomly, it would grow really intense, almost unbearable.

I never left the house while I was still recovering, and more often than not, Sabrina stayed with me. She, like everyone else, was really worried about leaving me alone for too long. Mom wanted me to come home right away, but Sabrina somehow convinced her that that was probably the worst thing I could do right now.

At first we tried to keep up on my training, since she decided I needed it now more than ever, but with my sporadic abilities, it was practically impossible. We had to wait until I had everything back under control.

Pikachu and Espeon got back from the Pokémon Center after the first day. Espeon seemed fine, but I could tell Pikachu wasn't fully recovered. He hid it well though.

As soon as I had the chance, I pulled them aside to ask them _exactly_ what happened back there.

"Piika…?"  
_'What happened…?'_

"Yeah…after…the ball…hit me…"

Pikachu looked away. "Piikachuu…"  
_'I don't know…'_

"Espeon…Speon…Espeon, espeon, speon, esp…"  
_'I saw it…The capture light…It lasted too long, almost like it wouldn't stop…'_

"Huh…?"

I knew it had felt like a long time, but I wasn't exactly paying attention to time back then…

"Espeon, espe, speon…Speon, espeon…"  
_'Actually, it didn't stop until Haunter came and closed the ball. By then, you'd already passed out.'_

"Wait, so it didn't catch me…?"

Espeon shook her head. "Espeon."  
_'No, it didn't.'_

"……What happened after that?"

"Espe, espeon speon espe, espeon…Speon espe. Espeon espeon speon spe espeon. Espeon."  
'_Heh, Haunter made short work of those Pokémon…and their trainer…Then he told us to wait while he got help. When he came back, he destroyed the door and had Mr. Carson with him. They helped us get to the Pokémon Center.'_

"Teresa wasn't there?"

"Spe. Espeon…"  
_'No. Haven't seen her since actually.'_

"…She's probably at the gym I guess…"

"Spee…"  
_'Maybe.'_

I hesitated before asking the next question. "Espeon…Pikachu…um…Do Pokéballs…hurt…?"

"On?"  
_'Huh?'_

"The energy…does it…hurt…?"

"Espe…"  
_'No,' _Espeon replied.

Pikachu tried to think. "Pikapika, chuu."  
_'I can't remember, sorry.'_

"Espeon," Espeon told him.  
_'It doesn't._'

Pikachu just shrugged.

…_So it wasn't normal…I guess…it makes sense then…but, I wonder…_

I felt very dizzy all of a sudden. Fortunately, I was on my bed already, so I just lied down right there as the room spun slowly.

"Pikapi?"

I didn't answer right away, waiting until I had my bearings back. "I'm okay…"

"……Es…peon…"  
_'…It hurt you…didn't it?'_

I nodded.

"Pi_kachuu_…Pikapika, pikachu!"  
_'That bastard…Next time I see him, I'll shock him real good!'_

I didn't reply. I doubted Pikachu would ever see that guy again. I'd been told he'd been sent to a high-security prison in Viridian, and that the Silph Co. had promptly fired him, made a public apology, and sent me some sort of apologetic gift, but I hadn't seen it yet. Maybe it was in Pallet or something…

But I wasn't too concerned about that…I was still thinking about that…Master Ball…

_It's supposed to be able to catch _any_ Pokémon…but it couldn't get me…I guess…even the strongest Pokéballs can't catch humans…Of course, what human would design something that could? Since I'm still part human…it couldn't…it tried, but it could only start the process…That's why I'm still here……But I wonder, if Haunter hadn't shown up…would that still be true…?_

* * *

I did get better eventually. Enough to go back to the gym and continue training. Sabrina insisted that we intensify it, and I couldn't really object. That had really scared me, even if I wasn't showing it very well…If something like that happened again, I wanted to be prepared…somehow. Still, I made it clear to Sabrina that I wasn't about to go and attack anyone…I just needed ways out…So our ultimate goal became teleportation. That was sort of dangerous for an untrained psychic though, so we worked on telekinesis first.

I also saw Teresa and August again. August was as indifferent as ever. Teresa…almost seemed to shy away from me. Well, she did apologize briefly, but after that, she wasn't really her usual abrasive self, and I didn't see much of her besides, so we were actually able to get some training done.

It was still pretty hard to do. I knew I'd done it before, but that had been a pretty desperate situation, and even then it didn't really work perfectly…It took a while to even successfully move small objects short distances…but I did…

* * *

It was the night after such a training session that they came. I was tired, so I was sleeping pretty soundly. Well, I had been…It's not like the two of them were making a lot of noise, because they weren't…It was just enough.

The window, which was right next to my bed, opened, and I saw a human's silhouette crouched over in it. I was still groggy, so I didn't immediately realize that this was unusual, and probably bad.

"Hel…lo…?" I blinked.

"Crap, he woke up," the silhoutte cussed under his breath.

I blinked again. "Hey…wait, you're not supposed to…Oh geez!" I shot up and scrambled out of bed. "What do you think you're doing?"

The guy vaulted over the windowsill and landed on the bed, "We got orders, that's what." He looked over his shoulder, "You got it, Billie?"

_Billie?_

"Of course I do," said another silhouette as it appeared over the windowsill. She hefted some sort of machine into the room and the guy picked it up.

"Great. Let's get this over with."

_Shit, not again…_

I glanced around the room, looking for anything I could use to defend myself. Pikachu and Espeon had woken up by now and looked ready to attack…and…there was something else I could try…

"_SABRINA!"_

I didn't get to see if it worked. The guy launched something at me, knocking me back against the desk. From whatever hit me, dozens of metal tubes emerged and wrapped around me, making it impossible to move. It also began humming strangely.

"Perfect." He handed it back to Billie. "Let's get outta here."

"Roger that."

She let out a Rhydon and then disappeared from view. Her partner left behind a Weepinbell and also hopped out the window. I stared at the Rhydon, who was advancing at me quickly. Before I could try anything, Pikachu jumped on its back and hit it with its strongest Thunder attack, but the Rhydon didn't even seem to notice.

_Teleport! Teleportteleport, gotta try it!_

So what if Sabrina hadn't even started teaching that yet? I'd done it before…not in this version of the world, but…

…It didn't work at any rate. I saw Espeon futilely trying to attack, but instead she drifted off to sleep…The Weepinbell's fault no doubt…The Rhydon came over and picked me up…

There was a flash to my left. "Ash!"

I blinked and glanced over. Sabrina was standing there in her nightgown. "Sabrina! Help!"

The Rhydon paused and looked at her for a moment, then opened its mouth, revealing a ball of golden light…

_Oh shit…_

I didn't get to see if she dodged the Hyper Beam…Maybe she did…but as soon as firing it, the Rhydon crashed through the window and jumped the three stories to the ground, landing with a huge crash, then ran through the yard. Billie and her partner already had a good headstart, but Rhydon had no trouble catching up to them. They leapt over the fence (Rhydon seemed to just kinda run through it, which hurt, since he was holding me in front of him), and headed towards a Rocket licensed helicopter. I knew I had to do something _now_, but I couldn't focus psychically for some reason, and I don't think it was because I was distracted…

The guy hopped in and recalled his Weepinbell, who had apparently hitched a ride on the Rhydon. He headed to the pilot's seat.

"Alright, toss him in, Rhydon," Billie ordered.

Rhydon did just that, and I thumped onto the floor of the helicoptor, still unable to do anything since I was tied up. Pikachu also jumped into view at the same time, sparkling fiercely.

"It's that rat they warned us about," the guy commented.

"No problem," Billie replied, and also hopped into the helicopter,"Rhydon, take care of it."

Pikachu just sent Rhydon a backwards glare. I knew he couldn't care less about the Rhydon…He wasn't carrying me anymore.

Rhydon let out a roar and prepared to use Earthquake, while the guy started up the helicopter. Pikachu didn't hesitate to just leap on board. Luckily for us, they'd timed it so that the Earthquake went off while the helicopter was just taking off, so we felt nothing.

"Shit! It's on board!" Billie exclaimed. She hastily called back her Rhydon.

"Well do something about it! I'm driving!"

Pikachu glanced at me, but quickly turned his attention back to Billie, who was hesitating with her Pokéballs.

"What are you waiting for? That thing could take down this whole helicopter!"

Pikachu smirked slightly at that. To be honest, I kinda hoped he would find a different way to rescue me…

"I know that! But it's too cramped in here to let out any of my Pokémon!" Billie shot back.

"Give me a break…" He reached to his own belt and tossed a Pokéball over his shoulder, "Weepinbell, do something!"

The bell-like plant landed next to me and immediately aimed a Vine Whip at Pikachu, which he easily dodged…by leaping up onto the seats, still sparking, but grinning now.

"Don't have _too_ much fun with this…" I muttered. It wasn't like he'd won yet or anything…

Billie jumped away from him, but there wasn't really anywhere she could go. "What are you doing, Weepinbell? Get it!"

Weepinbell tried another Vine Whip, but Pikachu hopped over on top of the guy's head. He panicked, and the craft tilted quite dangerously. I hit one of the walls and Weepinbell crashed into me.

"Getthisthingoffme!" he cried.

Weepinbell hopped up and tried Vine Whip one more time. Pikachu backflipped and landed on what I'm guessing was the control panel. Both Billie and her partner panicked quite quickly at this.

"Pika! Pikapika_ chu_! Pikapika pikachu!"  
_'Alright listen up! One wrong move and I blow this thing sky high! Turn it around _now!'

…I don't think they could understand what he was saying, but also don't think they had any problem getting the picture.

"You stupid rat!" Billie shouted. Pikachu just growled in warning.

"Stop it, Billie," the guy said, "Listen you dumb rat, you use an electric attack in here, _everyone's _gonna fry. That includes you and that freak in the back."

I bit my tongue…literally…I wasn't in any position to make threats.

"_Kachu!_"  
'Why you!'

I saw a lot more electricity flying.

"Do you really got a death wish?" the guy demanded.

"Chuuuu…Pikapika!"  
_'Fine, I can just wait until we land and blast you then!'_

_It'll be too late by then…_

"Forget it, Pikachu! We can't wait that long!" I yelled.

"Pii?"  
_'What?'_

"Just do it!"

"Chu!" he nodded, "Piiii…ka _CHU!_"  
_'Right!'_

…And then for a brief moment, the world was filled with fire, blinding light, and deafening sound.

…It wasn't exactly a new experience for me…I'd been in plenty of explosions before…caused even more. Better yet, I knew it was coming.

Unfortunately, I couldn't do anything to prepare for the fall. I couldn't move. I couldn't slow myself down psychically…I couldn't even really brace myself. I don't know if I was lucky or not that there were…trees to break my fall…In a way, it was a good thing that those metal wires were so thick, because they seemed to absorb a lot of the impact…not enough, but…a lot…The whole incident also gave me some painful flashbacks…That stormy night in Pallet…Lightning…a fall…screaming…

I opened my eyes and found myself staring upward. Tonight was clear. There was still pain. I knew I was completely helpless…But…I was still…okay. I'd gotten away from Team Rocket…blasted them off probably…Right now I was alone, but…someone would find me. Pikachu was fine. I was certain of that. The others…Billie and…what _was _his name…? I know he introduced himself…Well, in any case, I just had to hope that Pikachu would find me first…

* * *

I had just about dozed off when I heard footsteps approaching. I turned my head to see who it was. It was way too loud to be Pikachu…

"There you are! Geez. Are you _insane_? We could've all been killed!"

It was Billie. A Venomoth fluttered beside her…I couldn't tell if my luck had turned good or bad.

"Well…we're not are we?" I replied.

"Hell if I know…That Pikachu of yours probably is…I dunno about Henry…"

"…Pikachu's fine."

"And how the hell do you know?" she demanded.

"…I…just do."

She stared at me, then shook her head in disgust. "Whatever. I'll let the boss deal with you. It's not my problem."

…_This was his idea…? Even though…Well…no, of course it was…Surely he'd recognize…a Mew…_

She let out her Rhydon, and they both came over to me. With some effort, they managed to get me on Rhydon's back, and Billie got the device thing to wrap around his waist so that I was tied to him. I didn't do anything to stop them, since…there wasn't really anything I could do…

For some reason I couldn't feel nervous anymore, even though technically I'd just been successfully captured by Team Rocket and there was no one left to save me…Even though I knew it wasn't true anymore, and in reality never was…I couldn't help but think of Billie as…a friend…

Still, I knew I had to do something, or else I _would_ have something to worry about. A lot in fact.

I looked at Billie. She was obviously displeased with the entire situation. I couldn't really blame her…but maybe I could take advantage of it.

"So…are we walking to Viridian? It's kinda far…Well, I'm not the one walking so it doesn't bother me, but…"

She glared at me. "This all your damn fault, so just shut up."

"Eheh…Um…Well, I'm not the one who came and uh kidnapped…me…"

"Why would you kidnap yourself?" she asked incredulously.

"I wouldn't…But you did. Why would _you_ do that?"

"Isn't it obvious? Orders."

"…Whose orders?"

"Are you _blind_? Do you _not_ see the big red R?"

"…Oh, that. Er, yeah, I see it."

"Then stop asking dumb questions."

…_That didn't work too well…At least she's talking though, that's a good start. Maybe I should try a different angle…_

"…You don't really wanna go back there do you…? I thought you hated Team Rocket."

She stopped, then stared at me. "What…Where'd you get a crazy idea like that?"

…_Oh yeah, I'm not supposed to know that……Wait a minute……_

"Well, it's not like you joined of your own free will, right? Probably wasn't too different from what you're doing right now actually…"

She looked away as soon as I said that, and didn't reply.

…_That just hit a nerve……_

I tried to calculate my next move, but she spoke up, trying to hide the emotion in her voice.

"What do you know about me? What right do you have to say anything about me? This is just another job. Don't think for a second that you can try to talk your way out of here, got it?"

"…You're not gonna deny it though?"

"Would you shut up?" She hit me. Not a slap, but an actual punch. Didn't really do much compared to falling out of the sky…After glaring at me some more, she and her Pokémon started walking again.

"…Billie…" I spoke quietly, "It's okay…You don't have to go back. There's other places you can go. You can…come with me even. My mom's got a nice house in the country, and I promise Team Rocket won't come after you there…"

"You don't know _anything_ about Team Rocket…" she said darkly.

I turned away, looked at the stars twinkling through the passing trees. "…But I do…Too much, in fact…"

"Lying's not gonna get you anywhere. Look, even the truth won't, so just give up already."

"Billie, you had it really rough, and I'm sorry about that…If I'd known sooner, I'm sure I would've done something…but I didn't…"

"Would you stop talking like you know me, because you don't!"

"…You're all alone, aren't you…? I don't know much about your partner or anything, but…you don't have any family, do you?"

"What the hell? You shouldn't be able to read my mind! That thing blocks psychic powers!"

"…I'm not reading your mind," I said quietly, "…I'm going from memory…"

"That's impossible!"

"……You…lived on a Growlithe ranch didn't you? A pretty good one too."

"Shut up!"

I knew this was only going to hurt her, but…I didn't have any other choice…

"It was so good, it got some unwanted attention…Team Rocket…They wanted you guys to supply them right? But your family said no."

"You don't know anything…" she whispered, "This can't be happening…"

I tried to ignore her. "They didn't want to get involved with Team Rocket…But of course Team Rocket wouldn't have any of that. They tried to take your Growlithe by force, didn't they? But your family resisted…and paid the price."

"I don't understand…" She was almost at tears now…

I wasn't sure if I should keep going…I think I'd gotten the point across…

"…Billie…?"

"I don't get it!" she shouted in frustration, "How could you know any of that? You weren't there! You don't know me! It's impossible!"

"…But I do…Well…I…knew what you were like when you were like a few years ago…As for how…I…don't think you'd believe me…"

"At this rate…Oh hell, try me."

I hesitated. I knew she already said she thought I was crazy, but at the same time, I'd already put forth a pretty convincing argument…

"I…I did know you…in the past…but…not…this past…Um, it's kinda hard to explain but…there was another timeline…a…parallel possibility, I guess…and in that, I…was kidnapped, kinda like tonight, only they were just after my Pokémon. It happened to be easier to catch them if I couldn't do anything about it…And well, when we got to the headquarters, they…forced me to join. It was either that or they'd leave me to rot somewhere and I'd never see my Pokémon again…So of course I joined…I hated it though…We got partnered together…That made it a little bit better, since we were so alike…We both wanted to get outta there. You helped me out a lot…and…we did get out of there. It's not impossible, Billie."

I glanced at her. She was shaking her head, obviously not believing a word of it…

"That's ridiculous…Another _timeline_? Do those even exist? I doubt it!"

"…But it's true…"

"Even if it was! How come you know anything about it anyway?"

I looked away…How was I supposed to answer that? I'm the one who ruined that timeline, and a few hundred years later I got a chance to go back and fix it, even though the memory got wiped…for a while…

"…You know what I look like right?"

"Well, yeah…"

"…Well……that has a lot to do with it…I wasn't always like this you know."

"…They did say something about that…"

"…Um…So…do you believe me at all?"

She didn't answer for a while. Then she shook her head. "I…I don't know! It doesn't make sense, but…I dunno, isn't there another explanation?"

"…I kinda hope not, 'cause this whole thing's caused me a lot of problems…"

"Heh…and this is just another one, isn't it?"

"…A bit, yeah."

She sighed and went quiet for a while. I waited.

"I'm sorry…" she said softly, "You're right…I…I'm being just like them…aren't I?"

I didn't answer since I wasn't sure who 'they' were exactly…I had a good guess, but I wasn't sure.

"And, you're right about…me. I hate it there. I don't really want to go back, but…I stopped thinking about revenge and escape a long time ago. It didn't seem possible. Besides, Henry'd never…approve…"

"…Billie…"

She straightened up and turned to me, a fresh determination in her eyes. "Listen, you wanna go east, that way," she pointed off to the side, "That'll get you back to Saffron."

"Huh…?"

She walked over to me, hit some buttons on the device holding me, and the wire tubes retreated into the small box. She took it and pocketed it, while I carefully slid off Rhydon's back. "You heard me. You'd better hurry too. I don't know how close Henry is, but if he finds you…I can't guarantee anything."

I stared at her. I knew this was what I'd been aiming for all along, but it was still sort of shocking.

"Uh…Wait, what about you?"

"…Don't worry about me…I never found you anyway."

"……"

"Besides, I've got some unfinished business to take of," she added.

_Unfinished business…I…I don't think I want to ask…_

"…What was your name again?" she asked.

"…Ash."

"Ash…Alright. Well…Ash…? Thank you…I won't forget this."

"…Me neither. I should be the one thanking-"

"There's no time for that. Get outta here already. And…be careful. They're not gonna give up this easily."

"…Yeah…Well…I'll…see you later…"

"Doubt it," she laughed slightly.

_I was afraid she'd say that…_

I decided not to think about that any further and just started running back. I was certain I'd run into Pikachu on the way. He couldn't be that far off…And once we got back…Well, Billie was probably right. They'd be back, and we'd have to be more prepared than ever next time around…


	44. Everything Changes

A/N: 「Japanese quotation marks」now indicate telepathy.

Chapter 44  
"Everything Changes"

"_Come home, Ash…"_

I declined her offer…again. I wasn't sure why this time around. Because I'd only gotten lucky that time? Because I still wasn't able to defend myself on my own…? Or just maybe…I didn't want to leave yet.

I had to switch rooms, since the old one had kind of been trashed…They cleaned out one that was more in the middle of the house and closer to their own bedrooms. I was lucky none of my stuff got too damaged from the Hyper Beam and just the fact that a Rhydon had been in the room…Her picture didn't even have bear a mark…I made sure to put it somewhere safe again. Just in case.

* * *

From that point on, I took my training more seriously than ever. It had been Team Rocket that time, and I _knew_ I couldn't let them get the best of me. _Never_. In my current state I'd be lucky to stall them again, let alone stop them completely. They'd only get more serious after all. I mean, I could still remember when Team Rocket tried to catch Pikachu with simple nets. After a while, anything that wasn't a mech was a good day for me. And I wasn't dealing with Jessie and James too. Plus, I'm pretty sure that I'm a little rarer than a Pikachu… 

Sabrina insisted that I'd never be able to properly teleport if I couldn't even move things with my mind normally. I didn't like it, but she was probably right, since I couldn't even teleport anything one inch yet. So I decided to practice…Whenever I had the choice between doing something physically or psychically, I chose psychically. And man, if anyone ever says that psychics are lazy, they're wrong. Even moving the smallest thing took a _lot_ of effort. Even after that much practice, I was never actually able to move anything larger than a grapefruit, and then only for a short distance, let alone trying to teleport anything. That by itself didn't bother me that much. Just the fact that I was training at all made me feel good in a way. I guess it sort of reminded me of training my Pokémon…

* * *

I was trying to see if I could make my bed. I figured, the blankets may be big, but they're light, and besides no one ever said I had to move the whole thing at once…It wasn't going very well, but… 

"Espeon…"  
_'Ash…'_

I looked behind me, surprised. I didn't hear the door open…Espeon always woke up at dawn, so sometimes I didn't see her until breakfast.

"Hey, Espeon. What's up…?" Her tone of voice worried me a little. She sounded a little strained, or tired.

「I…don't feel good…」

"Espeon…?"

She half walked, half stumbled over to me, then leaned heavily against my legs. As soon as she did, I felt the full weight of what was bothering her, and I had to stop myself from collapsing as well. Once I steadied myself, I slowly knelt down to her level and put my arm around her. She pressed herself against me. I could feel her shiver.

「Ash…I'm…I'm so scared…」

I was getting dizzy from the strong emotions she was emitting, but I tried to stay calm. "…What's wrong…?"

「I'm so scared…I…I don't want anything bad to happen.」

_Where did this all come from…?_

"Espeon…Of, of course not…No one wants that…"

「…I don't want anything to happen to _you_…」

I felt my heart skip a beat.

_Why bring this up now…?_

"…Me neither, that's why I've been training, so-"

「I'm scared…」

I stopped, and just sat there holding her for a moment, without trying to drain away her feelings, above all, fear…especially of seperation, and whatever danger or pain could cause it. I realized that these fears weren't at all unfamiliar to me…I'd just been trying to ignore them. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"…I am too…" I whispered.

The door creaked open and a slightly damp Pikachu wearing a hand towel as a bathrobe walked in. "Pi, pika pika, pikachu." He blinked and stared at us for a moment. "Chuu…Pikapika…?"  
_'Alright I'm done, we can go now……Um…Did I miss something?'_

I sighed and shook my head, then stood up still carrying Espeon. "No. And make sure you throw that in the wash. I'm sure Sabrina doesn't want bright yellow fur all over her towels."

"Piiikachu…" he muttered indignantly.  
_'It's not my fault they don't make bathrobes in my size…'_

* * *

Espeon practically attached herself to me for the rest of the day. It got Sabrina's attention as early as breakfast. I explained that Espeon wasn't feeling too good, but insisted that it was okay for her to go to the gym today. She could just watch after all. That seemed to be acceptable enough, so she did. 

Usually the six of us went outside for training, but since I'd been attacked we stuck to indoor training rooms. It turns out that the _reason_ we usually went outside, besides that it's nicer, is that all the other training rooms were usually being used by students who were more…advanced. So we ended up in a corner of a room full psychics all practicing…stuff. The pressure in the room was pretty intense…It was hard to focus.

Once we had our corner of the room staked out, August, like always, found a place to sit, this time by the wall. After that he didn't move anymore. Teresa hadn't shown up yet. Sabrina had left her a note in the classroom saying where we were.

While I tried to set Espeon down, Sabrina decided to take care of August first, like usual.

"So August, how are you today?"

Even after I convinced her to stay on the floor, rather than in my arms, Espeon stood pressed against me. I tried to convince her that that wasn't necessary.

"Uh…Okay," Sabrina continued after he didn't respond, as always, "Well, is there anything you feel like sharing with us today?"

I picked Espeon up and set her down exactly two inches away from me. She sighed but didn't move back.

While I was standing back up I happened to lock eyes with August…I…reeled. I'd never actually met eyes with him before. They felt so empty, and yet, so…oppressing. There was definitely some deep sort of power there. It triggered a dark reaction in me, and I fought against a feeling much like those that the Seeings had brought me.

Then he looked away, and I sat down, hard. I was breathing heavily, and was pretty certain that the room wasn't staying in one spot anymore. But those feelings vanished as quickly as they'd come…They were still quite fresh in my mind though.

Sabrina glanced between us, apparently unsure of who to address first.

"Um…Ash, are you all right?"

"Uhhh…" I wasn't sure. I _felt_ okay…I was just…kinda freaked out.

After a slight hesitation, she turned to August. "August…? Is there something you want to say?"

He didn't look like he'd heard her. The only sign of movement was the faint motion of breathing. Had I just imagined it…?

Sabrina cleared her throat. "Well I guess we ought to get started…"

"Uh. Y-yeah…" I started climbing to my feet.

"HEY! SORRY I'M LATE!"

I almost fell right back down. Guess _she_ decided to show up after all…

I glanced over my shoulder to see Teresa running straight through the middle of the room, ignoring all the angry psychics around her. It would almost be respectable if it wasn't so…thoughtless.

Sabrina smiled faintly. "Ah there you are…We were just about to start."

"_What?_" she exclaimed, "You were gonna start without me? I can't believe it!"

"You have no right to complain. You showed up late," Sabrina reminded her.

"Oh _give_ me a _break_!"

Sabrina just smiled to herself. A large sack next to her floated up and opened. She reached in and pulled out a plastic ball. "Hey Teresa, catch." She tossed it at her.

"Wh- Yikes!" Teresa barely dodged out of the way. It bounced a few times and rolled off a bit. "What was that for?"

"We're gonna play a little game today. Ash can you get that ball back?"

"Huh? Um, sure." I headed over to go pick it up. Espeon followed me diligently. I had to go out of my way to not let my tail touch her.

"No, not like that!" Sabrina interrupted.

I blinked. "…Oohhhhhh…Right. Gotcha."

I stopped and stared at the ball. It was hard to concentrate in this room, but eventually I saw the blue haze that meant I was doing something right. With some effort, it started rolling back towards me.

"Um, it's hollow, you should be able to get it to float," Sabrina noted.

I blinked again. "Oh, it is? Uh, okay."

"You coulda just let him pick it up," Teresa muttered. We both decided to ignore her.

I tried to concentrate more, in order to get it off the ground…It did bounce a little…Not exactly what I'd call "floating" though.

Sabrina suddenly grabbed Kadabra's Pokéball and expanded it. I wasn't sure what she was planning on doing with it, so I tried to ignore her for the time being. Then I noticed that everyone else in the room seemed to be stirring too. At that point, I gave up and glanced around at everyone. They seemed tense about _something_…Well, everyone except August…

Sabrina let Kadabra out. No sooner had she done that than the door on the other side of the room exploded…I couldn't see what was going on past that because of all the dust and…smoke…

An all-too familiar kind of smoke was slowly filling the room, plus an all too familiar chord was being struck somewhere…I slapped my own forehead. You'd think at the very least they'd send someone competent after all that!

"Prepare for trouble!" shouted an all too familiar female voice.

"Make it double!" responded an all too familiar male voice.

I tuned out the rest of it, like usual. Instead, I stared at the hole in the wall behind them as the smoke slowly cleared, where a crowd of black and red stood, waiting for their cue. There had to be at least a dozen…two dozen…more than that…Good grief…

"_Meowth!_ Dat's right!" Meowth exclaimed with excitement, "Now hurry up and hand over dat Pikachu and no one'll get hurt!"

James cleared his throat. "I thought we weren't after the Pikachu this time."

"That's right! We have to grab that good-for-nothing twerp! Remember?" Jessie yelled.

Meowth flinched. "Yeah, yeah, yeah…But just tink how excited da boss would be if we grabbed 'em both! Besides! I ain't about to let dat Pikachu just get away after all dis!"

Jessie and James nodded. "Good point!"

The two of them released all of their Pokémon, and then all of the Rockets behind them did the same. I saw a _lot_ of Houndoom, Houndour, some Sneasel, and even a few Tyranitar…There was the odd ground type mixed in there too.

_Looks like they did their research…_

"Kadabra! Psychic attack!" Sabrina shouted.

I jumped.

_Is she nuts? That's a _lot_ of dark types! What good is a Psychic attack gonna do?_

But she was pointing behind her. Kadabra spun around, then launched her spoon at the wall, where it stuck. Both her and the spoon began glowing as I watched and then it bent, but not the part that was sticking out, the part that was stuck in the wall. And with it, down came the entire thing.

Kadabra help up her hand and the spoon flew back to her and straightened.

"Ash, get out of here, quickly," Sabrina ordered, "I'll hold them off."

"Wh-?"

"It'd be pointless for you to stay here! You can't help out, and if they get you, that just makes my job that much harder. Now run!"

I cringed. She didn't have to put it that way…

"But…I can try-"

"Forget it, Dusty!" Teresa screamed in my ear, "Let's _go_!"

She grabbed my arm right as the Rockets began their attack. I staggered at the crushing blow they landed right away. Teresa just hauled me and and dragged me along, because I couldn't walk correctly anymore. We climbed over the ruins of the wall and the second wave of attacks came. I closed my eyes to try to block it out but it was impossible…

Once we were past the rubble, we were outside and started sprinting. At least Teresa did. I could barely keep up, even with her dragging me, not that I could even _try_ very well…

"_Speeee!_"

My knees buckled from the sudden shock, but even then, I somehow managed to pull back hard enough to get Teresa to stop.

"What's your problem?" she demanded, "We gotta run!"

I shook my head and looked back over my shoulder. We were somehow a ways away from the gym already, but I could see her…struggling over the remains of the wall…Some thing had hit her though. A Shadow Ball…?

"We gotta go back for Espeon!"

"_What?_ Forget it! We _can't_ go back now!"

I ignored her and struggled back to my feet. I tried to turn around but she grabbed my arm.

"You don't seem to understand!" she growled, "You _can't_ go back there!"

"No…" I begged, "I have t-"

Something exploded. I just saw the sudden flash and then a huge cloud of smoke pour out of the hole in the wall. The sound threatened to destroy my ears. But most importantly, I just _knew_ it had happened by Espeon…

"_ESPEON!_"

"Hey, shut up! If you yell like that they'll know where we are!" Teresa shouted.

I had to get up again. I had to…The world was not cooperating though. It kept moving around…I couldn't handle it. I collasped back down and became sick on the ground.

"_Eewww_!" Teresa exclaimed.

I ignored her, trying instead to get my bearings back. Pikachu sat by me, patiently worrying.

"Eeee……Listen, I'm sure your little purple thing'll be fine," Teresa told me, "I mean, Miz Sabrina's still back there right? She wouldn't let anything happen to it, right?"

_Sabrina…? Yeah, that's right…She wouldn't……if she could help it…but those Pokémon…She can't…She can't win……_

"So forget about it and let's get _outta here_!"

She grabbed me again and this time I didn't resist. Still, I felt hollow…guilty…

Pikachu glanced between me and the gym several times before choosing to run after me.

I closed my eyes while I tried to keep my legs moving.

_Espeon…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…_

We ran for a long time, though I didn't pay any attention to where we were or where we were going. Teresa finally stopped at the edge of a decent sized lake. She let go of me, made sure I was able to stand, and then began looking through bushes at the water's edge.

"We're gonna go hide out at my secret place," she said as she was looking, "No one'll ever find us there. It's really secret."

I didn't answer. Wasn't that interested…Still thinking about Espeon…It wasn't even so much that she was in danger. I knew she could take care of herself…and it _was_ true that Sabrina was there…But she had been so anxious about being separated, and now…

"Got it!" Teresa called. I looked up to see her pushing a small canoe out onto the water. "Hurry up and get in!"

I seriously doubted her ability to _use_ a canoe, but I got in anyway. She hopped in once it was in the water and grabbed both oars. Then she began paddling. A lot. And we actually started moving.

At first I stared at water, but I couldn't stand looking at my distorted reflection, so I decided to look at my feet instead. Teresa alternated between looking at me and where we were going.

"So, like, this island we're going to, turns out that no matter where ya stand on the shore, it always looks like it's attached the other side. Pretty cool huh?……Uh, well anyway, that means everyone'll just try running around to the other side instead of taking a canoe, and they probably won't even realize it's an island. So uh, I don't think anyone'll find us."

I nodded a little. She just sighed and seemed to give up.

We eventually hit land and she had me get off, then she dragged the canoe into another bush. When she seemed satisfied that it was hidden, she nodded decisively. "All right, follow me."

She led us into the woods, and seemed to be quieter than ever. She wasn't being nearly so hasty anymore either. In fact, she seemed to be slowing down. I didn't really mind, even if it was a little weird.

She stopped at the edge of a small clearing and cleared her throat. "Uhm. So uh, this…is uhm…my uh, secret spot." She nodded. "Yup, that's right, that's what it is. Uh-huh."

I blinked. "Are you okay…?"

"Nope! I mean, er, yes! I'm um, fine! Perfectly!"

"Uh…Okay, whatever…" I glanced around. It definitely looked like someone came here often enough. There were some rocks and logs set out like chairs. I went and sat down on a rock that was close to me.

Teresa didn't move. She put a hand behind her head and chuckled nervously. "Y-ya know, it's, it's almost kinda funny in a way…"

"…Huh?"

"W-well, ya see, I uh…I dunno if I can do this anymore…I mean, ya know…?"

"…No…"

She cleared her throat again. When she spoke again, it sounded a little more strained than before. "Well, ya know, I……It's…annoying really. I um…Ash right? Well, I…"

_She's never called me that before…_

She spun around, and I saw one of the most forced smiles ever. "I was really almost starting to think of you as a friend, Ash. So…thanks. And…I'm sorry."

_What…?_

"_Pika!_" Pikachu leapt into attack stance but was blown backwards before he could do anything. I could only stare as he began floating in the air.

"Wha…What are you doing…?"

She glared at me, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm attacking your Pikachu!"

"But, why?"

"Does it really matter?"

I didn't get a chance to respond, as a sudden searing pain tore through me. I doubled over, tried to contain it, but it was only getting worse. I could hear Pikachu struggling above me, and then a crackle of lightning, but it didn't get anywhere.

"Teresa…stop it…please…" I pleaded. She didn't answer.

I had both hands on the ground by now. If I didn't, I would've been lying on it instead. My hands formed fists around dirt…I squinted at that. Wait…

I craned my neck up at Teresa. She seemed to be ignoring me, concentrating entirely on Pikachu. I clenched my fist. I had one shot.

I rested my weight on my left arm, pulled back with my right and flung the dirt at her, aiming for her brightly glowing eyes. To my amazement, I hit.

She yelped and covered her eyes with her hands. I heard a thump behind me and crawled around.

"Pikachu!"

"Pikapi…" he smiled weakly.  
_'Ash…'_

I reached out, but flinched when I touched him. He was still in pain…I gritted my teeth and pulled him close to me anyway. "We have to get outta here," I whispered.

I started to get up. Behind me I heard soft footsteps and unfamiliar chuckling.

_No…Now what?_

"Well, I decided to let you toy with them for a little while," the voice said, "but it looks like you failed, as predicted."

I stood up and turned to face the newcomer. It was…some old lady with a cane. However, she was also wearing a pendant of a red R, even if she wasn't uniformed. I narrowed my eyes.

Teresa spun around, still rubbing her eyes. "G-Grandma?"

…Grandma_…?_

I couldn't really see the resemblance…

"What are you doing here? I have everything under control!" Teresa yelled.

…_Her grandma's in Team Rocket…Wait…Does this mean she's been working for them all along?_

…_Nevermind that, I still need to get outta here!_

I started sidestepping around the tree behind me, hoping they'd be too busy arguing to notice.

"Then why is it about to get away?" the old woman asked snidely.

"He's not-" She saw me and cut herself short.

The old woman cackled. "Don't be in such a rush dearie! This party's just starting. I'm no pushover like this sorry excuse for a granddaughter."

"Ehhhhh…I _really_ gotta go though. Um. See ya!"

I turned to run but instead fell flat on my face. Pikachu fell out of my grasp and hit the dirt a few feet in front of me. I could hear her cackle again.

"At the very least, fight back! It's only going to be worse for _you_ if you keep trying to take off like that!"

"…Um, Grandma…"

"Shut up and let an old woman have her fun," she snapped.

I pushed myself up and tried to grab Pikachu again. As I reached out, it felt like something was tearing through my arm. I cried out and grabbed it with my other one. That didn't stop it though.

"…Pikapi…?"  
_'…Ash…?'_

_Pikachu…_

"Get out of here," I whispered, "They want me, not you…You can still run…"

"Pi_kachu_!" He shook his head vigorously.  
_'No way!'_

"Forget about me!"

"Heh, how noble…and foolish," I heard her chuckle.

"_Chu…_"

He climbed to his feet, a dangerous glare in his eyes. I knew that look…

"_Pikachu!_"  
_'_Shut up!_'_

He tore past me, nothing but a yellow blur.

"Pikachu!" I turned to see him dash straight at the woman. He leapt, electricity trailing behind him, and then froze in midair. She made a twisted smile, and Pikachu began to rise, up, and up…

It took a moment for me to realize that my arm didn't hurt anymore, but when I did, I ran back into the clearing. "Put him down!" I demanded.

"Tch," she said, "Well, if you insist."

_That was too easy…_

I looked up to see Pikachu hurtling back to the ground like a yellow and blue comet…If he hit like that…

I ran underneath to try to catch him. Or at least, I would've, but I found myself frozen in place. I tried to push against it, but it was useless. Even in my panic I knew I still could do something…I squinted at Pikachu and tried my hardest to push up with my mind. I knew I couldn't stop him from falling, but at the very least I could try make it softer…

I couldn't see any evidence that he was slowing down, despite my best efforts. Before he hit the ground, he aimed a Thunderbolt straight down, probably trying to slow himself too. To me, it looked like he fell right through the electricity and hit the ground with a bright flash and a terrific pain.

When the pain receded, I squinted my eyes open. He was lying there, unmoving.

"Pikachu…"

The old woman stepped forward. When she was next to Pikachu, she flicked him aside with her cane…I couldn't believe it…

"…Why you…"

She smiled warmly at me. I struggled against her hold. I had no idea what I was going to do if I got out, but I couldn't just stand by and let her treat Pikachu like that!

"Well now, it looks like you're on your own now," she said sweetly, "Why don't you just take it easy and come with us now?"

"_Never_."

This time, her smile fit her a lot better.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

"Huh…?"

She turned her cane around, so I could see a blood red eye carved on the top. I glanced up at her in time to see her own eyes shine red…and suddenly, my mind wasn't in that clearing anymore.

…I was still aware of it, somehow…but I could no longer see it. A part of me realized that in reality, I was lying prone in the dirt, with that woman standing over me, Pikachu lying somewhere nearby, and Teresa just watching…

The rest of me was in a world all its own. I couldn't see or hear anything, but the air was thick with raw emotion.

_Guilt…I could remember Sabrina, back at the gym fighting a battle she was guaranteed to lose…Espeon, who was caught in the middle of it and couldn't stay with me…Pikachu, who tried so hard to protect me…while I couldn't do anything to save him…_

_Betrayal…Teresa, who led me into the middle of all of this, while I thought I could trust her, that she just wanted to be friends…Now she's doing nothing, even during this…_

_Pain…My life has been nothing if not painful…_

_Helplessness…All of this has been to get at me, but this whole time I've been unable to do anything to protect myself, relying only on others…Only getting in the way, even when they fight for me…_

_Guilt…It's because I'm like this that they're coming after me…that I have to be protected…that they have to get hurt fighting for me…_

_Pain…Every time, this is all that comes out of it, all that I've been able to bring to others…_

_Helplessness…Now I'm here, alone, and now Team Rocket can just…_

_Hatred…How could she…How could they…I never wanted this. I just want to be left alone. I don't want to deal with this. I don't want to be protected. I don't want to go with her. I just want…_I just want it all to go away_…_

The part of me that was still aware could hear her voice. Frustrated…Because I'm still here? Is that it? You know what, _you're_ the one who needs to get out…_now_…

I felt a surge of pain. She was getting desperate. Well that was fine. I could take it. In fact, it was empowering. I drew in every ounce of it, letting it flow through me. It felt wonderful. Wonderfully dangerous…

My world went black, but I had never felt more _aware_ in this lifetime. I turned my head, searching for that stupid woman who claimed to call herself psychic. She didn't know the meaning of power…

I found her, standing there still. I relished the fear she was emitting. That's right. _I'm_ in charge here.

She never had a chance to scream. I felt rather proud of that, but didn't let it distract me. I saw her spine crack when she hit the tree, but I didn't let up. I focused on crushing her chest cavity…just in case. It was almost too easy…

"_Grandma!_" someone screamed.

I paused. Grandma? What…?

I stared at the thing in front of me…What…Yes, that was…a human…Someone's grandma…What…

I blinked several times. The thing fell to the ground as the haze faded away.

…_What…?_

Someone ran over to it. "Grandma! _Grandma!_" she said. She seemed familiar…

_Wait, I know her……Te…resa…?_

The girl looked at me, full of anger. I saw tears…

"_How could you?_" she shouted, "How could you _do_ that?"

_Do…what…? What…What did I do?_

"…Teresa…? What…What just happened?"

I felt scared. I'd done something…I knew that much…but what…?

"Don't say that! You _know_ what you did!" she screamed.

…_Do I…? Did I…No way…_

I stood up shakily. Something terrible had just happened…I'd been part of it…but…

"Teresa, is…is she…?"

"_I don't know!_"

I didn't know what to think, what to do…Had I really just…

…No, there wasn't any doubt…I had…I had really…

I clutched my head. I was filled with a horrible sickening feeling.

…_I…I need to get out of here…It's not safe…_

I stepped backwards and glanced instinctively over the clearing. I saw my old friend still lying on the ground.

…_Pikachu…I'm so sorry…I'm sorry…_

I picked him up. I wanted to stroke his fur, tell him everything was going to be alright…but I couldn't. I was afraid to even touch him, but I couldn't just leave him here…

"Wh-what are you doing now?" Teresa demanded.

I didn't really hear her. "Pikachu, I know I said I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to everyone but…just tell them for me…please…"

"You've seriously lost it!"

I closed my eyes and teleported Pikachu back to the gym, in an area I hoped was safe, where he would be found quickly.

I was crying. I knew what I had to do now. One glance at the figure below the tree was all it took.

I ran. I ran faster than I'd ever run before. I think Teresa chased me, but she couldn't keep up. I was running so fast, I couldn't tell if I was actually running or flying. I didn't feel the brush hitting me, though I'm sure it was. I broke out of the woods and kept running. I ran into the water, the land fell away beneath me and I followed it. I let myself sink, welcomed it. It was shame it was only a lake. I felt like sinking to the bottom of the sea and never coming up…

I don't know how deep I got before I realized that I wasn't drowning. I felt like kicking something, but there was only water around me. I wondered at that. Even after doing something like that…even after so many tries…I still couldn't die…It was strange…

_Fine…That's fine…I don't have to die to disappear…_

When I reached the bottom, I kept going, burrowing into the sand. I only went so far before I realized it was pointless to continue…All I had to do was hide…forever…I closed my eyes, and shut out the world…and me.


	45. Even if Today You Need Help to Stand

A/N: The next few chapters, which will be known as the mini-story "Smile", will not be in Ash's POV, for obvious reasons. Because of this, expect some time overlap between chapters, including this one and the one before it. Espeon tells this chapter. Also, 「Japanese quotation marks」now denotes telepathy...

**Smile**  
Espeon's Part  
"Even If Today You Need Help to Stand…"

_

* * *

He's gone. _

I was sitting with Sabrina in the aftermath of Team Rocket's attack when I realized this. It wasn't a thought, nor was it my imagination. It was real. I just _knew_ it. Ash…was gone. And I had done nothing.

…Perhaps I should back up a little. Ash had fled from battle, as per Sabrina's orders. Pikachu and that girl had gone with him. I'd tried to follow, but I still wasn't feeling well and got caught in the battle because I was too slow. After the explosion, I knew I had fallen too far behind to be able to help Ash any longer. Instead, I stayed behind and assisted Sabrina and her gym in holding back the Rockets. From the start, we knew it would be a losing battle, but we did our best. I'm not sure how helpful I was in my state, but I still fought.

In the end, it seemed like it would truly be our final stand, but then they retreated. It didn't make sense at first. They had been winning after all. Sabrina decided not to count our blessings and contacted the Pokémon Center. When she was sure they were on their way, we sat down together, exhausted.

That's when I knew, when I realized that we had failed, and that Ash was gone.

I sat up, attentive. Perhaps I was wrong. I could still try to sense him, even if he were far away. It was worth a try. Anything to prove it wrong. I wasn't about to believe something like that.

Sabrina noticed, of course, but I don't think she knew why I was worried. "What is it Espeon?" she asked.

I didn't answer right away, as I was still trying to find out I was wrong. Still, nothing was coming to me, no sign at all. "…Ash…I think he might be…" I stopped. What was I saying? I shook my head. "I don't know, but to me it feels like…like he's…gone."

She stared at me for a moment, translating probably. "Ash is…gone?"

_I don't want to believe that…_

I looked down. "I don't know, that's just what it feels like. I don't want it to be true though."

Another slow response. "Of course not…No one wants that."

"…Of course not."

Something suddenly appeared behind me and I bristled and faced it. And stared.

"Pikachu…!?"

Sabrina moved quickly. "He's hurt!"

I could only stare as Sabrina tried to assess his wounds. I didn't need to wait for her to tell me. They were bad…Very bad. His slack, beaten body frightened me. Ash would never……He would never let Pikachu, or any of us, get hurt like that…

_What on earth happened…?_

…It suddenly made sense. I don't know why I didn't see it earlier. The attack, the retreat, and now Pikachu showing up like this…It was just a decoy. The real attackers had waited until he was separated from the rest of us…Those bastards…!!

I got up. I had no time to worry about my own injuries. Those could wait, besides, the sun was still out.

"I'm going to find Ash," I announced.

I didn't give Sabrina a chance to argue with me. I hopped over the broken wall and ran through the field by the gym, following his trail whereever it would take me. It was fading fast. I had to hurry. I let the sunlight heal me as I ran. There was no time…

I lost the trail much too fast. I wasn't as good at using my nose, like other Pokémon, but I could sense the impressions that people left behind in places they'd traveled. It's not actually the best method of tracking, but it's the best I have.

I found myself in the outskirts of Saffron, panicked and unsure what to do. Perhaps I'd just been foolish to run off like that. I still wasn't exactly in good condition and what could I expect to do anyway? Even if I did find him…if he was with Team Rocket…I couldn't defeat them by myself could I?

I shook my head in frustration. _There's no time to think about that! Just keep looking for now!_

I anxiously paced around, all too aware of the time passing by. There had to be something I could do…but I'd never be able to think of it unless I calmed down and focused.

With a sigh I sat myself down and closed my eyes. In my head, I went over the options. Tracking wasn't working. I still couldn't actually sense him at all. With that in mind, even if I called out for him, I doubted he'd be able to hear me. There had to be something else…

I let my mind wander. Maybe, maybe I could find something else…

…_Wait…That's it!_

I opened my eyes. Even if I couldn't track Ash, he'd had Pikachu and the human girl with him. Certainly I could follow one of their trails.

At the point where I lost track of Ash, I stopped and tried to sense the impressions of the other two. It wasn't easy, but I eventually found that the three of them together made quite a unique impression, and I didn't hesitate to chase after that.

From what I could tell, they'd all run to a pretty out of the way lake without running into anyone else. They'd probably crossed it, because the trail stopped at the edge of the water.

Now, if I were that interested in swimming, I would've used a Water Stone to evolve…but I didn't. Still, that didn't mean I was going to let that stop me…just slow me down.

I dipped one paw in to test it. Very wet. I suppose that's to be expected…

My ears twitched at an unusual sound. I looked up sharply. There, on the water. Some sort of human floatation mechanism. Wooden. I think they call it a boat. Inside, I could see the human using it…_Her_…

She didn't notice me, and I didn't go out of my way to make my presence known. I stood on the shore and watched attentively. Something was amiss. First of all, she was alone as far as I could tell. No, not entirely alone…but not with Ash either. And her company was…Well, I couldn't see it, but there was something strange about it. It gave off an aura I'd never felt before. It wasn't very strong, but something about it was disturbing.

They were coming towards me. I waited. It meant I didn't have to swim, and she was going to tell me where Ash was even if I had to beat it out of her…Knowing her, I probably would.

She got the boat to land and still managed to not notice me. I got up to announce my presence, but stopped. There was something different about her. I watched her carefully. She looked…upset I think. About what, I didn't know…until she pulled the other human out of the boat.

I hissed at the mere sight of it. It certainly looked like a human all right, but…it didn't move, didn't breathe. The blood no longer flowed through its veins. It was…lifeless. That thing…There was a word for this too…I think it's called…death.

Teresa almost dropped it when she heard me hiss. She glanced at me and I could see her panic inwardly. She put the dead human back in the boat.

"What are _you_ doing here!?" she whispered, "Go _away_!"

I opened my mouth, but I didn't know what to say anymore. I knew I needed to ask about Ash, but…that…That was beyond the ability to ignore.

"Didn't you hear me!? Go away already! I'm in a hurry here!"

I blinked, like stepping out trance. "Wh-…What, what's going on here?"

"Argh, nevermind," she just growled, "Just stay out of my way!"

"Hey, I just asked you a question!"

She ignored me and started pulling the other human out of the boat again.

"Listen to me, will you!?"

"Shut up, ya stupid little thing. I ain't got time for this!"

I glared at her.

_It's not working…She's not listening…_

…It took me a while to realize it, but I felt sort of stupid afterwards…Of course she wasn't listening to me. The idiot couldn't speak simple Pokémon.

「Listen to me,」 I tried again, 「What is going on here? Why do you have that, and where's Ash?」

She froze. I waited, the worry building. I'd never seen her react like that before. Well, it was obvious something serious was going on, but I didn't realize she would actually notice…

"Is that why you're here?" she asked finally, gritting her teeth, "Just came by to check on us, huh? Well for your information, this 'thing' is my grandma, and we're getting the hell outta here. As for Ash, I don't give a damn. He can go to hell for all I care."

"What!?"

Even if she didn't understand that, she probably guessed, because she grinned at me, in a sad, angry sort of way. "Surprised? Yeah, well I was too. Never realized he…" She stopped and glanced away for a second. "Well, I dunno where he is. You can try ta find him if ya want, but I wouldn't. He might get you next."

"What are you talking about!?"

"Don't get so upset! It's only the truth after all. If ya don't wanna hear it, stop asking all yer dumb questions."

"No!"

「Uh, I mean. No! Tell me what you're talking about! I don't understand! What happened to Ash!?」

She looked away, over the lake. Some small grin at the corner of her mouth, much like the one she gave me earlier.

"I got no idea. All I can say is this. That kid is a monster. And I don't mean like you. I mean…That there was something _evil_…I ain't never seen anything like it before. And the power…"

_What is she saying!? Ash!? No way! _No way!!

「You're lying!!」

"Who do you think did this to my Grandma!? Not that yellow squeaky thing!"

_「What!?」_

"Look I'm just tellin' it like it is!! Ya don't have to believe me, but at least stay outta my way!!"

「Ash would never do something like that!!!」

"That just shows how much ya know about him then doesn't it!!?"

_「You're wrong!」_

"Just shut up already!! I know what I saw!"

「It's not true!」

"Give it up!!!"

_「No!」_

She dropped the other human in front of me. I gasped and backed up, staring at it.

"You're psychic right? Try seeing what's wrong with her, why don'tcha?"

「What…?」

"Well maybe you'll realize that it _was_ Ash."

「But…」

"Just do it!"

_This can't be happening…_

I tried to calm myself down and searched, looking for wounds. I found them with startling speed. Its back had snapped in several places, and its ribs were crushed. This definitely wasn't something Pikachu could do, not that I'd ever thought it was him either. On the other hand, there's no way it could've been Ash either. His powers were laughable, and even if he _could_ have done this, there's no way he _would've_. He wouldn't have been able to _start_ inflicting a wound like that…

I looked up at Teresa. 「How do I know you didn't do this yourself?」

"Why would I do that to my own grandma!?"

_Her…Then this person was in her family…?_

I didn't know what to say to that. I'd never known my family, so all I had to go on was Ash and his friends. Family seemed to be an important thing to them. They'd never do something like this to them.

「…Look, just tell me where Ash is and I'll leave you alone.」

"I told you, _I don't know_."

「But you were with him, weren't you?」

"Yeah and he ran off. I couldn't keep up with him. When I got outta the woods, he was gone. Maybe he flew off, who knows?"

「Flew?」

"I don't know!! All I know is well, good riddance! Who needs a time bomb like that hanging around anyway!? Not me!"

She hefted up the human again and started trudging off. I let her go. She really didn't seem to know, and…I got all the information I needed from her…even if I didn't really want it after all.

_Ash…It's not true. I'm not going to believe her unless I hear it from you. Even then…I…_

I shut my eyes. _This is so stupid! There's no way that's true! You're not like that, I _know_ you're not!_

_Just hang on, okay? I'll find you. This time, I'm not letting you go that easily. So just hang on…Everything…Everything will be okay…_

* * *

"Espeon! There you are! What are you doing here?" 

…_That's not Ash._

Reluctantly, I opened my eyes. It was Sabrina. Certainly she'd understand what I was doing. I closed them again.

"Are you okay?…Did you find Ash?"

_I'm still looking…_

"I'm fine. No I haven't."

"…You're sure he came this way though?"

"…Yes. I also saw Teresa…"

She became silent when I mentioned that. Perhaps she had also seen her…

"The police found a body in the woods with her fingerprints on it," she said finally.

"Oh…?" I wasn't sure I was supposed to react to that.

"…Supposedly it was her grandmother."

"…That's what she told me."

"What happened…?" she asked. I could tell she wasn't actually asking the question, just wondering out loud. "…Do you have any other leads?"

"…No. I haven't been able to sense him at all…"

"…Do you think he might be-"

"_No_," I interrupted her. I looked her in the eyes. "I'm going to find him. And once I do, everything will be fine. That's all."

"But you said you couldn't sense him at all. That means he's either too far away or…Either that or he's…gone."

"I don't care how far away he is. I'll keep searching. Also, he can't be _dead_…I know it. That human gave off a completely different aura…If Ash did that, I'd notice."

"…Then he's too far away…Do you think…Team Rocket!?"

I didn't answer. That was certainly a possibility…but…what Teresa had said…

_Unless that was actually Team Rocket's fault…_

_Wait, what am I saying!? Ash _would not_ do anything like that, no matter what…_

"I'm going to keep looking," I said, "Feel free to help if you wish, but don't worry about me. I'll be fine on my own."

"…Don't push yourself…"

* * *

It was like trying to swim up a waterfall. No matter how hard I tried, something always seemed to be pushing me back. I still couldn't find him. 

I don't know how long I sat there. Sabrina came by sometimes to sit with me, make me eat, try to get me to go back with her…I refused. This was the last place anyone had seen Ash, and I just felt it would make the most sense to search from there. Besides, back in the middle of Saffron there would be too much interference from all the minds living there.

Eventually, Pikachu joined me. He couldn't really help look, but he wanted to be there when I found him, to help me get him back. I don't know how well his wounds had healed, but he didn't complain.

It was some time after that that I found something. A voice, but not a familiar one. It spoke to me with its mind.

「You've been here for days. What are you looking for?」

I startled, but as soon as I realized what was going on, I focused on maintaining the contact. 「Who are you?」

「I live here. Who are you? What are you trying to do? You've been giving off all these waves and they're starting to give me a headache…」

「Uh, I…I'm looking for someone. My trainer. Have you seen him?」

「Your trainer? What's he look like?」

「Ash? Um, well, he's…」 I paused to try to figure out how to describe him, then realized it would be all too easy. 「He's half-Mew.」

There was no reply for a while and I feared that whoever it was hadn't heard me.

「Yeah, I saw him.」

"Really!?!"

「I mean, really?? Where!?」

「He's down at the bottom of this lake…Don't worry, you wait there. I'll bring him up.」

_At the bottom of the lake? No…That means…_

I couldn't reply. My heart froze as I thought of the implications of this…

"Pii…ka?" Pikachu asked quietly. So he'd noticed…  
'_Did you find him?'_

"…I think so…" I replied in kind.

"Pika!? Pikapikachu!!"  
'_Well, where is he!? Come on, we've gotta-'_

"He'll be here…Just wait…" I still felt numb…

"Piii??"  
'_Huh??'_

The water before us started to bubble and soon a blue beaked face broke the surface, a Golduck. He stared at me for a moment before wading onto the shore. My heart lifted at the sight of the pale form he held in his foreflippers, though it fell again when I saw how still he was…

The Golduck carefully set him down on the grass by us. Both Pikachu and I immediately ran to his side. Golduck watched us for a moment, then said, "Gol, golduckduck, gollduck…" With that, he jumped back into the water.  
'_Well, I dunno what's going on but, good luck you guys…'_

「…Thank you…」

「Don't mention it.」

I looked back to Ash. Pikachu had both paws on his shoulder, peering at Ash, full of worry. I stood back and just looked. He wasn't moving, and in fact didn't look at all unsimilar to the human that Teresa had shown me…But I couldn't sense the death that it had had. On the contrary…I couldn't sense anything at all.

_But he's right in front of me…What's going on…?_

"Pikapi! _Pikapi!_ Pikaachu!"  
'_Ash! _Ash!_ Wake up!!'_

Pikachu shook him by the shoulder, but to no avail. After he continued this for a while, he stood back, clenched his fists, and began sparking.

"Wait a second-!"

"Pi, ka _chuuuu!!_"

I winced at the bright flash, but when I looked up again, it didn't seem to do anything.

"Pikachu…" I started.

He ignored me and hit him with another Thundershock. Again, nothing happened.

"It's not going to work!"

He sparked again, and this time hit him very weakly.

"Pi…kachu…" he said quietly.  
'_It's not working…'_

"…No, it isn't…"

I stepped forward hesitantly. It was Ash…certainly. He was perfectly still, and wore no expression at all…I could still sense absolutely nothing from him, and just staring at his face was beginning to scare me. I shook my head, then pressed against his, trying to establish some sort of contact. He couldn't be dead, so it had to be possible…He's not dead, right…?

_Ash…Ash it's me, Espeon…I know you're in there…Please listen. Come back…Come back…Please…_

I don't know how long I tried that, but eventually I had to stop. It wasn't working…

"Pikachu?"  
'_Anything?'_

I just shook my head, not looking away from Ash.

"…Pi…Pikachu…ka?"  
'…_He's not…dead…right?'_

"Of course not…"

"…Pikachuka?"  
'_How are we supposed to tell?'_

"Um…I don't know."

_I'm not the expert on these things. You've been alive longer than I have, Pikachu, you should know better than me._

He walked up and shook him again. Nothing…not surprisingly.

"Pikachu…"  
'_We should get Sabrina…'_

I nodded. That would probably be best.

"I'll go get her," I said.

I didn't really want to leave him, but I could go back and forth faster than Pikachu could. So I teleported myself to Sabrina's house. I found myself unsteady on my feet once I arrived, so instead of looking for her, I just yelled.

"_Sabrina_!! We found him!!!"

Everything seemed to happen quickly after that. She arrived in a unique sort of panic, teleported us back, then teleported everyone to the Pokémon Center, where Nurse Joy took him in and confirmed that he was in fact alive…but barely. After she disappeared into the back, the time and energy I had spent searching finally decided to collect its due, and I had to lay down, and sleep…

* * *

I found myself in a bed when I woke up, but it wasn't a familiar one. It smelled too sterile and was far too white…I stretched and stood up, shaking out my mane a little. Ah, the Pokémon Center. Of course. That also meant that I was still in the same building as Ash, which was good. 

I hopped out of the bed, landing on the tiled floor. As I was heading to the door, it opened, and a Chansey walked in. She looked alarmed when she saw me.

"Chansey! Chanseychan, chansey!"  
'_What are you doing!? You can't get out of bed yet! Go back!'_

"Huh?" I tilted my head, "But I feel fine. Can't I just go see my trainer?"

"Chaaansey! Chanseychanseychan!"  
'_Absolutely not! You can't leave until I or Nurse Joy confirms that you are indeed fine!'_

_Good grief…_

"Well…Don't I look fine to you?" I tried.

"Cha…"  
'_Um…'_

"Look! Perfectly fine!" I insisted, and danced around a little to prove it. "Can I go now?"

She sighed. "Chansey chanchan…Chansey…"  
'_You just want to go see your trainer right? I guess it's okay…'_

"Thank you so much!" I ran up to her and rubbed my head against her side quickly then headed out the door.

"Ch, chansey! Chansey chan! Chansey?"  
'_Uh, wait a second! You don't know where he is, do you?'_

I paused. "Uh……no. I don't…"

"Chansey chansey…"  
'_Let me show you…'_

I stepped aside and followed her down the halls of the Pokémon Center. She eventually stopped in front of one of the rooms. She turned to me.

"Chansey chan, chansey?"  
'_You were one of the ones who brought him here, weren't you?'_

I nodded.

"Chaan…Chansey chansey…"  
'_Okay, well…I'm just warning you, his condition hasn't changed at all…'_

I looked down. I wasn't surprised, but I had been hoping they could at least do _something_ for him…

"I'm ready," I sighed.

She nodded and opened the door, then led me in. He was on one of those high beds they use in places like this, so I couldn't see him. I saw a yellow ear twitch on top of the table next to him. Pikachu peered over the edge at me, rubbing his eye. We'd probably woken him up.

"Pikachu…" he mumbled.  
'_Hello, Espeon…'_

"Hello," I replied.

I couldn't get on the table with him at the edge like that, so I jumped onto the chair next to the bed.

He did look the same as before, just as Chansey had said. I still couldn't sense anything from him either…Still, they'd gone and hooked up some tubes to him. I could never tell what those were supposed to be for…

"…He's going to be okay, right?"

Chansey coughed slightly. "Sey…Chansey…"  
'_Well…He'll live, if that's what you're asking.'_

I blinked. That wasn't a normal answer. I looked at her questioningly. "What do you mean…?"

Pikachu sat back down but said nothing. I glanced at him, then back at Chansey. Pikachu almost seemed angry…

"Chan…Chanseychan, chansey chansey. Chansey chan chansey, chan, chansey chansey. Chanseychansey. Sey…Chansey chansey, chan_sey_."  
'_Um…To be honest, we don't really know what's wrong with him…He seems to be in some sort of coma, but since we don't know _why_ we can't guess when, or if, he'll ever wake up, let alone if there's anything we can do to help. But Nurse Joy will continue to look into this, I promise.'_

It took a while for that to sink in…

"What do you mean!? He can't wake up!? Why not!?!"

"Chaaansey! Chanseychansey! Chansey…"  
'_Calm down! I just explained to you, we don't know. And please keep your voice down…'_

I gritted my teeth, but said no more.

_So they don't know…but he might not wake up…but…but he _has _to…I thought he wasn't going to leave again…We can't let this…happen…_

"Chansey, let me try. I, I helped him once before, when he was like this…I mean, it wasn't exactly like this, but…I…Please let me try!"

"Pikachu," Pikachu said bluntly.  
'_I thought you already did.'_

I glared at him. "That was before! Besides, I was tired from searching for him. I'm alright now, so I want to try it!"

He had his arms crossed, his face displaying a negative dispassion. "Pika, pikachu."  
'_He's not going to wake up.'_

"What!? How can you say-"

"Pika, pika…"_  
'You didn't let me finish.'_

"Tch…"

"Pikapika, pika pikachu. Piika pikapika, pikachu pikapika. Piii…Pikachu, pikachu pika…Pikapikaka Pikapi pi pikachu…chu…Pikachu."  
'_Apparently you didn't hear, but a human is dead, Espeon. The same human that attacked us after we ran from the gym. Now I wasn't awake at the time, but…the evidence points to Ash…and…I believe it.'_

"_What!?_"

He turned away. "Pikapika…chuu…Pikapika pikachu, pikapika…"  
'_She was powerful…very powerful. He's the only one who could've _defeated_ her, let alone…'_

"Ash wouldn't do that!!!"

"Chansey…"  
'_Please…'_

"Pika, pikachuu?"  
'_But you'd admit that he _could_, right?'_

"Of course not! He can't even levitate-"

"Piiika! Pikapika chuu!? Pika, pika chuu pikapika chu. Piika pikachu, pikakapichu? Piika pikapichu piikachu? Pikaka, piikachu. Pikapika, pika pikachu?"  
'_Did you forget that he's half _Mew_!? He _has_ power, he just doesn't know how to use it. What happens when uncontrollable power is released? Don't you remember what he did in Viridian? That room was supposed to be indestructible. Are you saying he couldn't do something as simple as killing one human?'_

I sat down. I couldn't believe he was actually saying all this. I thought…I thought he trusted Ash as much as I did…How could he _say_ that!?

I shook my head violently. My eyes were becoming wet. "Stop it, Pikachu! Stop saying those things!"

"…Pika pika."  
'…_Just admit that they're true.'_

"_No!_"

"Piika! Pikachu, pikachu!?"  
'_Espeon, are you his friend or aren't you!?'_

"Of course I am!! More than _you_ are, obviously!!"

"Piiika! Pika pikapikachu, pika, pikachu, pikaka Pikapi pikachu. Pikaa?"  
'_Definitely not! If you were really his friend, you'd notice that he's been scared for a long time, and that he's the most afraid of _himself_. And do you know why?'_

_Stop it…Stop it!_

But he didn't stop.

"Pikapika chu pikachu! Piika, pikachu! Pikapika pika _chu_ pikapiika pika pikachu."  
'_He was afraid that this would happen! And guess what, it just did! If you think you can wake him up while you couldn't even realize what's wrong, then you're sorely mistaken.'_

I tried to swallow a sob. How…How could he say that…?

"I, I just wanna help…" I sniffled.

"…Chuu."  
'…_It's not that easy.'_

"But-"

He looked away again. "Pika, pikapikachu…pika…piikachu, pika…pikapikachu…Pika, pika_chu_ pikapi…"  
'_Believe me, I want him back more than anyone…but…it's not going to be easy…especially if he does wake up…I honestly don't think he _wants_ to come back…'_

I stared at the chair. Some tears had dripped down, wetting it.

"Well, what are we supposed to _do_ then…?"

He sighed. "Chuu…pika…"  
'_That, I don't know……'_

I looked at Ash again. He was so still…it was impossible to tell that he was still breathing…I couldn't just leave him like that…I knew he'd try just as hard if he were in my position.

"I…We'll find a way. We have to. This, it just isn't right…He needs us now more than ever, and I'm gonna help him."

Pikachu glanced back at me, this time with a slight hint of a smile. He said nothing, but nodded.

* * *

Chansey had me go back to that bed, even though I knew for a fact that I wasn't hurt or sick or anything. It was probably for the best though…Otherwise, I would have stayed with Ash and Pikachu…I was worried enough about Ash without having him there to remind me why…And Pikachu…He scared me a little. I wasn't used to him being so negative…He was always right there to support us, especially Ash, but, now…I don't know why he seemed to give up so quickly… 

The things he'd said to me still stung, even if he'd somehow said them with good intentions. Of course I was Ash's friend. We all are, aren't we? The idea that trying to save him would make me less of one…What sort of friend just gives up on their friends? Does he really believe nothing can be done? Then why is he sitting there with him…

…I'm sure he's just scared too…Who wouldn't be? This isn't normal…It's not right. Why should this happen, after everything he's been through…? He never wanted to hurt anybody…I still can't believe that he would do what everyone says he did…

Still, just worrying over the situation wasn't helping matters. I needed to figure out how to help…but, I'd already tried what I knew…A psychic contact was about as deep as one could get into another's mind, but I couldn't reach anything. Was his head really empty? That's ridiculous. He had to still be there…He was still alive after all. The body wouldn't keep going without the mind, right? No, that wouldn't make sense…

…on the other hand, they do have all those tubes attached to him…Then perhaps…

I buried my face in the pillow, sniffling as it became moist beneath me. It was too much to begin to admit. I couldn't believe…refused to believe…that he might not come back…

* * *

When I visited Ash again, I didn't restrict myself to the chair. I climbed into the bed with him, careful not to disturb anything that was attached to him, and nuzzled up to him. This time I wasn't about to let anyone make me move. 

When I first entered the room, I was surprised to see that Pikachu was still sleeping on the table next to him, instead of in the bed. It was very strange…Usually during times like this, he would become practically attached to Ash. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but I let him sleep.

I'd just woken up myself, but had no desire to wander about. I had to contact him. Even if it took an eternity…I'd keep trying.

I settled in, placed my forehead against his temple and a paw on his shoulder, and closed my eyes. Again I found the same emptiness from before. I had to get past it. Ash had to be somewhere beyond it…If only I could reach him…I pushed through, calling out his name…but it never ended. It was just the same bleak emptiness stretching on forever. Instead of getting closer, it seemed like I was just becoming more and more engulfed by the emptiness. I myself began to feel less and less as time passed. The reality of the outside world was fading, likewise this empty world was also fading, along with myself…What was I doing again…?

Wait…There was a voice…A voice? Could it be…That's right! I was looking for Ash!

"Ash!? Is that you!?" I called back to it.

"Espeon! It's me, Sabrina. Wake up!"

_Sabrina…? What's she doing here?_

"_Wake up_!!"

I saw a white flash and blinked repeatedly, trying to clear my head. Slowly, my senses returned to me, and I could hear the humming of the machines, someone's hands over my head…Ash…lying in front of me…still the same.

I looked up at the person holding me. Sabrina. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Finally…" She sighed again, then glared at me, "Just what do you think you were doing!?"

"I…I was looking for Ash…I couldn't…"

"Do you realize that we almost lost you too!?"

"What…?"

She let go of me and slumped into the chair beside the bed. "You…I don't know what you think you were doing, but you definitely weren't being careful enough. He's in a _coma_. There's nothing there to stop you from getting lost if you go too far into his mind. Normally our subconscious keeps barriers up because we don't want anyone else in our head. Even his subconscious isn't functioning right now, okay?"

I looked at her carefully as she spoke. She seemed tired…From trying to get me back probably. I bowed my head.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize…I was trying to-"

"Help. I know…Just please be more careful about how you go about doing that, will you? It can be really dangerous."

"I'm sorry…"

She smiled slightly. "It's okay now, Espeon…You're okay right?"

"I think so."

"…Did you find anything?"

"Uh-" I shook my head. "No…It was…just empty. The same. Just emptiness…I couldn't find anything…"

She leaned back in the chair and looked at the ceiling for a while. "Empty…Normally you'd be able to find _something_…"

"Pi, pikachu?" Pikachu asked. I'd forgotten he was there…  
'_What does that mean?'_

"I'm not sure…It may not be a normal coma…"

"Does that tell us anything?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. I called his family though. Sounds like he's going to be getting a lot of visitors. Professor Oak will be one of them. He may be able to figure something out." She looked pointedly at me. "Don't try anything else until he does, okay?"

I hung my head. "Okay…"

* * *

It was hard waiting a whole day, seeing him just lying there that whole time. Painfully, my psychic sense refused to register him as anything but an inanimate object. I spent much of my time pressed next to him, staring at his face, waiting, just to remind myself that this was still in fact Ash. Pikachu never left either. His behavior wasn't much different from mine. Neither of us spoke, except whenever Chansey came by to check on Ash and remind us to eat. 

Soon the others would come…and maybe…Maybe they could help us figure out something…Some way to help him…Please……


	46. Even If Now You Can't See It

A/N: Here's Part 2 of "Smile". The next chapter will probably be up either much faster or slower than this one, depending on what I end up doing with it...Also, I went ahead and made a forum, just for the heck of it, in case you're interested.

**Smile  
**Delia's Part  
"Even If Now You Can't See It…"

I couldn't get ahold of him. No matter how many times I called, the line was always busy. I needed to talk to him, ask him why he was doing this, beg him to stop…but it seemed like he'd predicted my actions and was blocking my calls. The fact that Ash had stubbornly refused to come home worried me all the more.

If they were just after Pikachu, it wouldn't be so bad. After all, that was the usual, right? But now they were after Ash, my little boy himself…and in his state, I knew he was having trouble fending them off. He'd said otherwise, but I could see in his eyes he was scared. Oh, why won't he just listen to his mother and come home!?

The fact that my worry was starting to get to me became obvious after Brock and Mimey had to stop me from watering a lamp and cooking a towel. After that, they both insisted that between the two of them, there was really no need for me to worry about chores and sent me off to relax.

At first I tried watching tv, but whenever anything related to Pokémon came up (which seemed like ninety-seven percent of the shows) it reminded me of Ash and I just started worrying about him again. After finally giving up on tv, I went to my room and tried reading a book, but I just couldn't concentrate. So I got out my sewing kit and tried making something, but I ended up sewing my hand to the cloth. With a sigh, I got out the scissors and began snipping away at the binding thread.

I was in the middle of doing that when I heard a knock on my door. I flushed at the thought of one of the kids seeing me in this predicament. I'd done enough thoughtless things already today.

"Who is it?" I called out, trying to sound as normal and pleasant as possible.

"It's Misty. Can I come in?"

"Oh dear…" I told myself, glancing at my hand again. Oh well. "Um…Of course you can, dear," I replied.

The door creaked open and Misty poked her head in, then shyly entered. I saw she had Togetic in her arms.

"Mrs. Ket…chum?" She trailed off when she noticed what I was doing.

I blushed and laughed. "Oh this? Don't worry, I just got a little careless with my sewing project. Happens all the time. It's almost off."

She blinked several times. "Um…Okay."

"Did you want to talk about something?" I asked.

"Huh? Oh…Y-…yeah……" She started to trail off again, and I noticed she was staring at me rescue my hand and turning kind of green.

"Misty? Are you alright?" I asked, concerned.

She blinked in surprise and quickly shook her head. "Um- Y-yeah, I'm fine. It's just…y-you're…Nevermind." She shook her head more firmly. "Actually, I just came up to check on you…Brock told me you almost tried making lasagna with a towel."

I laughed nervously. "Oh that? It was just a silly little mistake! It could've happened to anyone!!"

She wasn't buying it. "You're worried about Ash, aren't you?" she asked seriously.

I stopped laughing. Apparently I was easier to read than my son…I nodded with a sigh.

Misty smiled at that. "Yeah, I think we all are…but…you know, I think he'll be okay. I mean, he's been in worse situations before and got out fine, right?"

I raised my eyebrow at the mention of these "worse situations" but decided now probably wasn't the time to ask. Besides, I knew she was right. Ash always avoided the subject, but I'd actually been present for two of those situations, so I knew they happened…Of course, some amount of danger was expected on a Pokémon journey…but he wasn't on one now! He shouldn't have to worry about that!…I shouldn't have to worry about him……

I snipped away the last piece of thread and the cloth fluttered to the floor. I sighed in relief and checked my hand. Fortunately I'd mostly managed to sew _around_ it, so it was okay…

I glanced at Misty again and tried to smile. "You're right, dear…There's no reason to worry…"

Misty smiled broadly and formed her hand into a fist. "That's right! We're all rooting for him, so there's no way he can let those Rockets get the best of him!"

"Toge!" Togetic cried, mimicking the motions of her trainer.

I smiled at their determination. Still, I couldn't shake my worry. Something just felt wrong……

Misty stayed to keep me company and we chatted for a while, but we were interrupted by a phone call.

I jumped straight to the phone and picked it up. "Hello? This is the Ketchum residence."

The picture snapped into focus, showing a young lady with long green hair and cool blue eyes. She looked at me with a faltering composure.

"Mrs….Mrs. Ketchum, I presume?"

"That would be me," I replied, "And you are…?" I had an idea who she was…Actually, I was pretty sure. I just didn't want this person calling me right now…That probably meant…

Misty, who had come around behind me, gasped in surprise. "Sabrina!? What are you-?"

"Misty!?" Sabrina seemed equally surprised. Meanwhile, I could feel a lump form in my throat.

Sabrina seemed to hesitate about something, then asked me, "Um, do you mind if I could speak to you in private…?"

I glanced at Misty. She was obviously worried, but… "Misty, dear, would you mind if…"

"Oh. No, not at all…" She quietly backed up, then, with one last look of concern, let herself out of the room. I looked back at Sabrina. "Well…?"

She stared downwards for a moment, but when she looked up, her eyes were focused on mine. She got straight to the point. "Something's happened to Ash."

I could feel myself freeze up in dread. Those were the exact words I never wanted to hear. She waited for me to recover. I had to hold onto the desk to steady myself.

"Is he…Is he okay?"

I watched her look off to the side, obviously reluctant to answer. My grip on the desk tightened anxiously. Finally, she sighed and faced me again.

"He's unconscious, but he should live…The problem is, they're not sure what's wrong with him so…they don't know when…if…he'll wake up…"

I tried to let that sink in…I was having trouble. Ash unconscious…Okay…When is he going to wake up…? They don't know…………?

I stuttered out the next question that came to mind. "What happened?"

She looked down. I could see her sadness openly now. She closed her eyes. "Team Rocket attacked…He was able to run from their main force, but…there was someone else waiting for him……No one knows exactly what happened……but they found her body a few miles out of town……Ash was found unconscious at the bottom of a lake, apparently the same place he'd been attacked…All Pikachu remembers is that the woman was psychic and attacked them both." She gritted her teeth. "One of my students was with him, but she's gone missing now…Espeon said she did see her briefly…and she told her that Ash…" I could see her shudder. She took a moment to regain her composure. "She said that he was the one who killed that woman……There's no evidence…but it does look like she died from a psychic attack……"

I felt faint. First she tells me that my child is comatose and may not wake up, then she tells me he might have _killed_ someone!?

"M-Mrs. Ketchum? Are you all right?" Sabrina asked in alarm.

I reaffirmed my grip on the desk and used it to keep myself steady. After a moment, I replied, my voice cracking. "Of course not…How could I be…?"

She lowered her eyes. "I'm sorry…"

"Oh, it's, it's not your fault…"

She didn't reply to that.

It didn't take long for me to decide how to act on this news. "Sabrina, there's an airport in Saffron, right?"

"What? Oh, yes, of course…Um…How soon will you be-"

"The next flight." I blinked. "As soon as I tell everyone…I'm sure they'll come too."

She nodded. "Understood. We'll be waiting for you."

"Thank you."

Again she didn't reply to that. "Goodbye, Mrs. Ketchum."

"Goodbye."

The picture blinked out and the receiver started playing the dial tone. I carefully hung it up.

While I sat there staring at the blank screen in front of me, it all finally hit me at once.

_Ash…_

I laid my head down and weeped.

* * *

I explained what had happened to everyone before we left. It seemed like everyone had had some idea that something was wrong, just from the way I was acting, but I know they weren't expecting _this_…I know I hadn't been… 

It was relatively quiet on the plane. At least, we were. Sabrina and her father picked us up at the airport and teleported us to the Pokémon Center, where we were allowed to see Ash three at a time. Misty, the professor, and I went in first. Nurse Joy accompanied us.

Walking into that bleach-white room felt so familiar and unnerving at the same time. The first thing I noticed was the sound of a machine, which also beeped steadily, though the beeps were painfully far apart. On the hospital bed, two heads poked up at the sound of our entry, one yellow and one lavender. Beyond them lay…

I ran to him, forgetting where I was for a moment. The only thing that mattered was my little boy…

"Ash!"

I called out his name, but stopped when I saw his face…In a word, he was…still. The life support system was hooked up, but there was no sign it was working besides its own readings. The color had faded from his already pale face, and I couldn't actually tell that he was breathing. Not once had I ever seen him sleep like this before…

As I felt tears forming in my eyes, I clasped my hands around his. I was startled at how cold he was. It was almost as if he were…But Sabrina had said…

I didn't take my eyes off him, even when Misty and Oak came to either side of me. I heard Misty weakly whisper his name. I watched his face and gripped his hand, waiting silently for _some_ sort of movement. Even the slightest twitch would do…but he did nothing.

I heard Oak sigh in thought. "This is more serious than I expected…" he stated quietly.

We were all silent for a while. It didn't feel like there was anything that _could _be said_…_

Eventually, Joy spoke up. "Professor?"

He turned to face her. "Hm? What is it Joy?"

"Well, you see, Sabrina told me you might be coming up to see Ash…and I was thinking that maybe you could help us figure out what's happened to him…?"

"Of course I'll help! As a matter of fact, if you hadn't asked, I would've volunteered!"

I glanced over my shoulder to see Joy smiling in relief. "Thank you very much, Professor. Maybe with your help, we can get to the bottom of this…"

"I'll give it my all." He turned and smiled at me, and though when he looked past me, his brow furrowed in concern. "For Ash's sake."

I nodded. "Please…"

We stayed by him a while longer, until Nurse Joy finally asked us to let the others have a chance to see him. I saw the three boys check our expressions as we came out. I knew it was my job to be optimistic, so I tried to give them a reassuring smile. I…don't think I was able to. No one said a word as they stood and entered his room.

Once they went in, the three of us sat down in the hall. Sabrina was still sitting there, but she said nothing, only checked us over with those strange blue eyes of here. Misty sobbed quietly to herself, while I held back my own tears. Samuel seemed lost in thought.

Through a choked sob, Misty was the first to speak. "It's different this time, isn't it?" The rest of us looked at the young girl inquisitively. "Every other time, he'd eventually get back on his feet, even if he wasn't quite steady…This time…It's not gonna happen, is it?"

"Misty…" Sabrina whispered.

"I think it's too early to say something like that, don't you?" Oak said, "We still don't know what's wrong with him. I'm sure he'll be just fine with the right treatment."

I nodded. "The professor's right," I told her, "It's too early to give up hope."

_We're going to need all the hope we can get…_

She didn't reply and no one pushed the issue any further, so it remained quiet in the hall until Brock, Gary, Tracey and Nurse Joy reemerged. I think, despite what Samuel said, we all knew she was right in a way. This time around…This time was drastically different from any other time that had come before it.

The boys were just as quiet coming out as they had been going in. Gary had a familiar look of confused anger. Tracey seemed deeply disconcerted, and Brock seemed, at best, stunned, though to anyone who didn't know him better, he would appear not to be wearing any expression at all.

I noticed Joy had also brought Pikachu and Espeon out into the hall. They didn't seem to be faring much better than anyone else, despite having had more time to deal with it…and with Ash normally being their main source of support, I worried for them. They readily came to me when I beckoned to them, and I think we all ended up trying to comfort each other.

"Professor?" Nurse Joy asked, "Would you like to take a look at what we've gathered so far?"

"Oh…Certainly. Right now?"

"If it's alright with you."

"Of course!"

He stood up and was about to enter the room with Nurse Joy when Tracey suddenly spoke up.

"W-wait!" At his sudden exclamation, everyone looked at him and his cheeks reddened at the sudden attention. It didn't stop him though. "P-Professor, are you going to try to figure out what's wrong with Ash?"

"That's my intention," he replied.

I could tell it was hard for him to stand out like this, Tracey is a bit shy compared to the other children, but he didn't give up. "Let me help too!" he declared, "I'm your aide right? I…I may just be a Pokémon watcher, but I want to help too! I promise I won't get in the way and-!"

Professor Oak chuckled softly and put his hand on the anxious watcher's shoulder. "Alright already. I trust you. Nurse Joy, don't you agree we could use the extra brain?"

She blinked. "Oh, um, of course it couldn't hurt. Now, Professor, Tracey. If you would please?" The three of them went back in the room and closed the door behind them.

After a moment, Gary started heading for the lobby. "I'm gonna take a walk," he muttered, "Don't follow me. I'll be back by curfew."

After watching him go, there was another time where no one spoke for a while. It was Sabrina who finally broke the silence.

"Would you like to come by my house?" she asked, "It will be a while before they'll be ready to tell us anything new. I can make you dinner, and…" Here she couldn't maintain her relatively cheerful demeanor. "…you can…pick up his things…" she finished softly.

I drew in a shuddered breath.

_That's right……No one will be using them…_

"Um, that…sounds like a good idea," I said, again trying my best to smile, for the childrens' sake.

She returned my pained smile and nodded. Soon, we were all standing in front of what must have been her house. It was quite large. I could only begin to imagine how Ash must have felt, trying to navigate such a place…

"You don't know the half of it," Sabrina muttered under her breath. When she saw my surprised look, she laughed nervously and tried to wave it off. "Oh sorry, just talking to myself! Anyway, would you like dinner first, or…"

"Oh, Sabrina? How about if I cook dinner?" Brock asked, "You've already troubled yourself enough for us and for Ash."

"What!? But, you're a guest! I couldn't possibly let you-"

"Oh, no…It would be my pleasure, believe me," he insisted.

"Brock _is_ a really good cook…" I murmured. Honestly, I could care less about food at the moment. I wondered about Ash's room. Had he kept it tidy? Would there be any hints about what happened to him…?

"Um…Could we worry about this later?" Misty asked, "I'd like to go see his room…"

_Misty…_

"Um, sure. That's alright with me," Sabrina said.

No one objected, so she let us in the house and led us through the pretty confusing layout to what must have been where he had been staying.

Inside, I was surprised to see it was remarkably well-kept. Almost unlived-in in fact…Then I remembered that he'd told us that he'd had to move to another room, since his last one had been attacked……I couldn't help but sigh when I saw that he hadn't finished making his bed. That boy…

I felt my heart twinge, just from thinking about him that. All these things that he's done and hasn't done…From now on they'd have to be in the past tense…

_Delia! Snap out of it! He isn't dead! There's still hope. You said so yourself…_

Sabrina brought out his backpack from somewhere, which she handed to me. "He didn't bring much. Just enough to fill that, I think," she said.

"That sounds about right," I agreed.

I started packing up his clothes while the kids and Pokémon checked the rest of the room for any stray belongings. It was again eerily quiet, and that was starting to get to me, so I started speaking to break the tension.

"Oh, I'd better make sure I get everything! I'm sure he'll want a clean change of clothes when he wakes up!"

It took a moment, but Brock replied, "Yeah, wouldn't want him running around the Pokémon Center in just his hospital gown! Well…maybe Misty would," he added with a grin.

"_What_!!"

I didn't need to look at her to know she was bright red right now. I did anyway. She was redder than her hair.

"Now, now Brock. That was uncalled for," I chided.

He put his hand behind his head. "Yeah, okay. I'm sorry."

We all laughed some afterwards. It wasn't normal laughter. You could _hear_ the tension…But still, it seemed good in a way. In another, it felt awful…since he couldn't laugh with us……Not that I'd heard him laugh in such a long time anyway………

It quieted down pretty quickly. Maybe we were all thinking the same thing…

"You know…" Sabrina began, "I saw him laugh, while he was here…"

I think, after hearing that, everyone short of those who had been there froze to listen to her.

"It was at one of the comedy performances. I know it probably wasn't the same as how I'd imagine he used to laugh, but…I do think he was enjoying himself."

At that news, I felt like crying, both out of joy and sorrow. "You saw him laughing…Ash…"

"It's strange. It's hard to believe now, isn't it…?" Brock wondered aloud.

Sabrina blinked at us for a moment, then forced a short laugh herself. "Oh my…You're sounding like my parents did five years ago…"

"What?" I didn't know what she was talking about, and it seemed like a strange statement to me.

"Uh, nothing. Nevermind," she said hastily. She's as bad at covering things up as Ash…I let it slide.

"Anyway," she continued, "when I saw that, you know, I thought to myself, 'Hey, look, he's getting better.' It made me really glad. I didn't notice right away, but he'd been hurting really bad before…When I found out, I just wanted to help him, the same way he helped me…But after he started getting attacked…and now…It…It all feels like a waste, doesn't it? I mean, in the end, he's worse off than he was before. Was it foolish to think I could make a difference? I'm not even anyone special in his life. Just a gym leader and a teacher…"

I smiled at her honesty…It was good to see Ash could still make such good friends… "Sabrina? I don't think it was a waste. If Ash trusted you and was happy while he was with you, I think that's good enough. It's obvious you two became good friends."

I was able to see a hint of a blush before she turned away. "You're too kind," she said quickly, "I was just trying to return his favor……"

"I'm sure he appreciated that."

Again, she didn't reply.

We went back to our packing, but it wasn't long before Brock found something unusual. "Hm? What's this…?"

"What's what?" Misty asked, going over to see what he found.

"Some sort of drawing…"

"…What the…?"

That's when I determined that it was strange enough to get up and look for myself. Sabrina had the same idea. Looking over Brock's shoulder, I could see that they were staring at a simple crayon drawing of a young girl. It was crude, but still pretty well done. Actually, I'd seen drawings like it before…

"Ash?! What…When did he-?"

"Huh?" Both Brock and Misty turned to me in confusion.

I hastily tried to explain myself. "Um, it's a little better done, but it looks sort of like some of his old school assignments…I'd recognize them anywhere."

"You're saying Ash drew this?" Brock tried to clarify.

"Yes."

"I didn't know he drew _anything_," Misty commented.

"He doesn't…"

"…So why start again now?" Brock asked.

"I don't know…"

"May I see it?" Sabrina interjected.

"Huh? Oh, uh, sure…" Brock handed it over to her. She took it with both hands and stared at it for a while, then closed her eyes. Finally, she opened them, still looking like she was trying to focus on something else.

"It's an imprint," she stated.

"A what?"

"Something…he probably didn't want to forget…Knowing Ash, it was probably subconsciously, but through a medium, in this case crayons and paper, he psychically imprinted an image of this girl and the feelings he associates with her onto this sheet of paper. It's…not a common practice. Only those with unusually strong feelings of attachment to something that can no longer be accessed would do such a thing…"

"…So she's someone he can't see anymore?" Brock reasoned.

"Most likely," Sabrina replied.

She handed the paper back to Brock so we could all see it. Looking at it again, it was obvious Ash had taken great care to preserve it…

"She kind of looks like Misty, doesn't she…?" Brock asked hesitantly.

"Eh? Really?" Misty asked. Her face was turning red again.

"Well, she's a red-head…Her eyes look the same…"

"That doesn't mean she's me."

"She does look a little young…" I pointed out.

"It's a crayon drawing," Brock replied.

"Exactly! How do you know she looks like me then?"

"Er, well…"

"Besides, she has to be someone he can't see anymore right? He could've called me up anytime he wanted to and I'd be there."

"That is true," Brock said carefully, "but, you guys just broke up, didn't you…? Maybe that's why…"

Misty didn't have an answer for that one.

"Es, espeon?"

Everyone seemed surprised to hear one of the Pokémon speak up. All I could really tell about the question was that it was directed at Sabrina.

"Hm? Well…It's obvious that he cared deeply about her…but…I don't think it was romantic at all……No…It was more…um…Let me think…How would you describe that…?"

She was obviously having trouble finding the right word. I tried to help. "Was it a friendship?"

"Mm…Well kind of…in a way…It seemed like something more though."

"Maybe she was some sort of relative?" Brock suggested.

"That's impossible," I argued. I of all people should've been able to recognize her if that were true.

Sabrina ignored me. "A relative…? Huh…Yes! That's it. His feelings were like…that of a parent to a child."

What came next was inevitable.

"That's his daughter!!?"  
"Ash had a child?!"

"…And she looks like Misty," Brock added.

If Misty had seemed red before, she was glowing now. "Th-That's…"

After no one said anything, Brock spoke up again. "So…This all means she's…from…his dreams, isn't she?"

"…No other explanation would make sense," Sabrina agreed.

I found myself staring at that crude drawing again, but in a new light…I was looking at the image of my granddaughter…Except that my son hadn't had a child yet…Yes, yet. Gotta keep thinking positively…

"…I wonder. If he misses this girl that much, why'd he break up with Misty?" Brock asked.

"Who knows!" Misty interrupted, "We know he hasn't been thinking straight, so there could be any reason!"

_Someone's getting upset. Time for a topic change!_

"Say! How about we finish grabbing his things and worry about this later? I'm looking forward to a home cooked meal, Brock! Or Sabrina…Whoever wants to cook."

While they each started insisting that it be them, I winked at Misty and went back to grabbing Ash's last remaining clothes. He really didn't have enough of those. I'd have to remember to make sure he packed more on his next trip…Not that I'm going to let him out of my sight anymore……but…well, maybe I'd just have to go with him on his next trip. Maybe we could take a little, or a long, vacation…Yeah, he would like that…That would be good for him…and us…once he wakes up……Professor Oak will figure out how to do that. He's incredibly smart…

"What are these?" Misty asked suddenly, breaking me out of my reverie.

"Found something else weird?" Brock asked.

"Yeah…" She turned and held up two weird sticks of metal. I probably should've known what they were, but…

Sabrina gasped. "The tuning forks!" She ran over and grabbed them from Misty. I guess in a way they did sort of look like forks, though one of them was horribly twisted. She was staring at that one.

"Um, why did Ash have tuning forks…?" Brock inquired.

"What? Er…I was using them to demonstrate sympathetic resonance…I let him keep them to…try it himself…"

"You explained _what_ to him?" Misty said doubtfully.

"It's when you play one note and then another note of a different octave plays in response," Sabrina replied, though she didn't take her eyes off of the twisted fork, "I thought it was pretty relevant to the way he could pick up on others' pain."

"……That does sound like a good analogy…" Brock acknowledged.

"So why is one of them bent up?" I asked.

She seemed reluctant to answer, but did anyway. "Well…it seems like he chose to stop the resonance by…making it so they could no longer play the same note…"

"…In other words, by destroying the part of him that feels that pain," Misty said solemnly.

…_By losing his sympathy…? Or worse, his emotions…? No, Sabrina said he was laughing……_

"It's not clear if he actually thought that far or not," Sabrina reminded us, "And even if he did make that his goal, he's got a long way to go, being as emotionally driven as he is."

I sighed in relief. "You're right. He's always thinking with his heart first."

Sabrina nodded. I felt so much better at that. But not everyone did.

"If that's the case, then…what would happen to him if he succeeded…?" Misty asked quietly.

I stared at her in shocked silence. I think everyone else did too…She'd just voiced a possibility that no one wanted to seriously consider…

"Do you think that's even possible?" Brock said, "I mean, even with everything he's gone through, he _is_ still Ash…He's always put his concern for others before himself. I mean, you could even say that's been amplified now."

"Pi, pikachu, pikapika…" Pikachu muttered.  
'_That and he's need to be conscious for it to even apply…'_

"Wh- Pikachu!" I gasped.

He glared at the floor. "Pii, piikachu."  
'_Well, it's true.'_

_But no one wants to think about that…_

* * *

Brock ended up making dinner. I don't remember how they finally decided on that, but I was glad they were able to figure it out. 

Sabrina's parents came home in time to join us. They were both very kind and supportive. It really felt like they understood our feelings…Though I guess if they're psychic too, that would help wouldn't it?

As for dinner…it was absolutely terrible. When asked what it was or what he had put in it, Brock sheepishly admitted that he couldn't remember. After some debate, we decided to simply order out, though I worried. I'd never known Brock to make anything less than superb…Certainly, he was more worried than he was letting on…

* * *

When we returned to the Pokémon Center, Gary was already back and sitting in one of the bedrooms. He nodded to acknowledge our presence, but seemed to be preoccupied with reading a magazine. 

"Any word on Ash?" I asked gently. Chansey had been maintaining the front desk, so we weren't able to ask for ourselves.

"……I haven't heard anything. Gramps and them are still back there."

"Oh…"

"…I'm sure if they figure out anything, we'll be the first ones to hear about it," he stated.

"…You're right…"

"Esspeon…" Espeon sighed.

I knelt down to stroke her head. I couldn't understand her, but she sounded positively dejected. "Don't worry. I'm sure they'll figure out a way to help him. We just have to be patient."

She looked at me with watery eyes. "Spe…"

_Don't worry…Ash…Ash will be fine……_

* * *

The next morning, I saw that Professor Oak and Tracey seemed to have crawled into their respective beds still in their clothes and fallen straight asleep. 

Gary was still asleep too, so I quietly got out of bed, took a shower and got dressed and then left the room. I knew from my last stay in a Pokémon Center, a situation not entirely unlike this one, I reminded myself sadly, where to go to get breakfast, and I could certainly use some…but there was something else I wanted to attend to first.

Much to my dismay, the front desk was _still_ being watched by Chansey, with Nurse Joy nowhere in sight. I wondered if she was probably sleeping like Professor Oak and Tracey were…

My next thought was to just go and check on Ash myself, but I knew if I didn't eat now, I would regret it later, so I headed to the cafeteria. I ordered some coffee and an omelet. It wasn't long before I was joined by Espeon and Brock, later followed by Gary. Conversation was light, but when I mentioned that I was planning to check on Ash, they all wanted to come with me, thought it took Gary longer to admit it.

* * *

There were two Growlithes outside his door, but they seemed to recognize us and let us through. I was glad they were there, but I had a feeling that if Team Rocket really wanted Ash, they wouldn't b enough to stop them…Well, at least there was one good thing about his condition. Team Rocket would find him completely useless right now…It still wasn't enough to make me feel any better about the situation…especially after walking inside… 

Something about the atmosphere just felt different. Maybe it was because it was my second time entering that room. Maybe because we didn't have an escort…

The room just seemed very white. Even the life support, which was really more of a black, seemed faded…That's what it was. There was no color. Everything just seemed to be varying shades of gray…including him…

As one, we slowly approached his bedside. Espeon jumped lightly onto the table. I could only stare at his sleeping face. He looked the same as he did yesterday…still, quiet, unchanging…I gently took his hand once again. Still so cold…I saw his Everstone, which now looked more like a plain, clear gem than anything, pulse once, faintly. The life support also signalled his heartbeat, before they both returned to stasis.

"I wonder if he's getting better…" Brock spoke quietly.

"Spe…"

I squeezed his hand, which remained limp in mine. "I hope so…"

Gary walked over to the table and glanced over the notes on it. "Doesn't look like they changed his treatment."

_No change?_

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"Well, maybe he doesn't need a new treatment?" Brock guessed, "Or…maybe they couldn't figure anything out…"

"Worst case scenario, they just can't do anything for him," Gary spat bitterly.

I felt my heart skip a beat. "W-What?"

"I sure hope that's not the case," he muttered, "but I trust my graddad on things like this. If there's something to figure out, he'll figure it out."

I looked at Ash.

_I trust Professor Oak too, but…_

He couldn't hear us. It pained me to think about that. I knew he wasn't truly sleeping, but if he was, it wouldn't have been so hard to wake him. Despite how much he loved to sleep in, he was actually a fairly light sleeper. I'm sure he benefitted from that on the road…

While I held his icy hand in mine, I found myself tracing over his self-inflicted scars between his fingers. I could still remember the horror I'd felt, hearing about it from Misty, finding the blood stains, and the worst, redressing his wounds. Ash himself had entered into a false state of euphoria that lasted for days. I could remember the way his eyes seemed to be glazed over, that unnatural, loose smile that he wore…I knew that he'd thought he was happy, but we knew better…That wasn't real happiness…Just as now…I knew he hadn't reached true peace…

* * *

Brock and Gray eventually excused themselves. There was some shuffling of visitors, as Misty and Pikachu soon showed up. Pikachu stayed, but the others came and left intermittently. Chansey showed up once to change his IV. When Espeon asked her a question, she'd seemed reluctant to answer and hurried out of the room. 

It was late afternoon when he showed up. I had started to doubt I would see him that day at all.

The door opened and I heard someone take a few steps into the room. I heard a famliar, but considerably worn sigh. Eventually, he spoke.

"Delia…?"

I pried my eyes away from my son to look over my shoulder. "…Professor?"

He looked weary, almost haggardly. His age was showing much more than it usually did. It almost seemed like he'd picked up some extra wrinkles overnight. He didn't even attempt to smile.

"Delia, can you bring the Pokémon with you out to the hall? It's important…"

"Um…sure," I said. I stood up slowly and gently scooped the two of them up into my arms. "What's going on?"

He stared at the floor for a moment before sighing again. "Joy's going to announce…his diagnosis."

I felt myself and the two Pokémon stiffen.

_His diagnosis? They figured it out? They're going to tell us…_

"I-Is he-?"

"Come on." He turned and left without waiting for me to finish.

As a horrible feeling welled up within me, I swallowed and hurried after him. As I closed the door behind me, my gaze lingered on the still, pale face of my child.

_Please be okay, Ash…You can get through this. I know you can…_

The Pokémon and I were the first ones brought to the waiting room. Professor Oak immediately took a seat on one of the benches and kept his head down such that I couldn't see his face. Nurse Joy was standing by a wall. She glanced at me when I came in, then immediately diverted her attention to the floor. As I recognized the look in her eyes as that of pity, that horrible feeling twisted violently in my stomach. Indeed, the room even seemed colder than before.

I sat down hard on another bench and continued holding Pikachu and Espeon close to me. After a short while, Brock and Misty arrived. After taking in their surroundings, Misty sat down and Brock leaned up against a wall. Shortly after, Sabrina appeared and also chose to stand. It look much longer, but finally Gary and Tracey showed up. I noticed that Tracey looked terribly upset…

Joy stepped forward, clearing her throat. "Um…Is everyone here now?"

Tracey looked around the room. "Yeah, that looks like everyone." Even his voice sounded off…"

"Alright…" She trailed off, and I held my breath as she stared at the floor. Finally, she closed her eyes, inhaled deeply, and began. "We think we've figured out what happened to Ash." I clenched my fists so tightly it almost started to hurt. Joy looked around at us anxiously before continuing. "As Professor Oak observed, the state he is in now is very similar to something called 'hibernation', where certain Pokémon will, in effect, 'sleep' though the winter months as a survival tactic. In hibernation, all vital signs drop to the absolute lowest necessary to survive, kind of like a stasis……This is something Ash is displaying quite definitely."

"W-wait," Gary interrupted, "So he's just 'hibernating?' That means he's fine, right?"

I saw that Joy, Professor Oak, and Tracey each looked more uncomfortable at that comment. I looked to Nurse Joy for her answer.

"Well…normally…" she replied hesitantly.

"What does that mean?" Gary demanded.

"I'm getting there," she sighed, "You see, there are a few, um, complications…For one, normally, hibernation is preceded by storing all the food they'd need to last that long in the body as fat. Ash didn't do that. As such, as long as he remains unconscious, he's going to have to remain on life support, at the least for nutrition. It's likely if he hadn't been found in time, he would have eventually died of starvation……"

I looked at the floor. I was beginning to feel quite ill…

"Er…So when's he gonna wake up?" Gary asked.

The room fell silent to the buzzing of the air conditioner. It felt like an eternity before she spoke again.

"This is something that Ash brought upon himself of his own will…When he'll wake up…if he'll wake up…is entirely up to him."

…I didn't need to keep listening. I couldn't even. But I knew. I knew exactly what that meant…what Ash had likely decided.

I must have stood up and left the room, because the next thing I knew, he was in front of me, still the same as the last time I'd seen him…So…utterly…lifeless…

I sat beside him. Held his hand. Stroked his hair. Touched his face. Watched as he lay motionless. My throat tightened and he grew blurry. My tears fell freely as I began to sob. It's true, I'd told him that it's okay to cry and not to be ashamed of tears…but I'd never had reason to cry in front of him before.

I whispered his name over and over again, my voice sometimes tripping over itself. Finally, I ignored the boundaries set by the many tubes and wires attached to him. Nurse Joy had just said that he didn't really need them anyway. One arm slipped under his head, and the other crossed over his chest. I gently pulled him close to me. I couldn't speak any longer. While I held him as close as I could, I simply cried, louder and longer than ever before.

If he could hear me…If I waited long enough…If I wished with all my heart……If only……

If only…


End file.
